The sun was warm on Rainbow Dash’s fur and feathers and her eyes had closed contentedly beneath her sunglasses as she relaxed on the recliner. An occasional ‘wuff’ from Winona, giggle from Pinkie Pie, or remonstrance from Applejack as she tried to get her dog and her friend from over-exciting each other too much were the only real noises. Yesterday had been good, any day in which you were compared with a God and got a chance to show off both your awesome flying skills and an awesome new dress could hardly be anything but. It was a shame the Changelings they’d beaten up had been Ponies but she’d been surprised how much she had enjoyed all the ‘stuffy’ stuff leading up to that fight.
Her warmth was interrupted as a shadow fell across her and for a moment she thought it was Tank getting in the way of her sun again, but the shadow seemed to large and there was no sound of rotors. So Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and looked up, her smile of greeting faltering as she saw the frown on Joe’s backlit face as he looked down at her,
“I am getting fed up with you kissing me…” Joe said harshly.
“Wha…”
Then Joe crouched, cradled Rainbow Dash’s head in one hand, and interrupted whatever protest she was going to make by starting to thoroughly kiss her. She twisted slightly on the recliner and one forehoof came up to keep him there and stroke his neck as his lips worked on hers and his thumb started to draw lazy circles on the back of her head. After a while Joe pulled back and grinned, Rainbow Dash looking at him with her sunglasses askew, and his fingers still happily entangled in her mane.
“Because it’s my turn to kiss you,” Joe winked.
“Whoo-wheee, got a live one!” called Applejack.
“Wuff!” Winona agreed, blue-wing-pony had not snapped her jaws in face of tall-thing so she must approve of what tall-thing had done.
“That looked… nice,” nodded Fluttershy as Angel Bunny looked at her and pulled a face of disgust. “I am happy for you two.”
Rainbow Dash blushed and muttered as she straightened her sunglasses. “He wasn’t even mentioning my name, he said.”
“He found his name had been mentioned by her to all her friends, he says,” Joe muttered back as he gently lowered her head back to the recliner.
Tank stuck his head out from underneath the recliner where he had been in the shade, blinked at the pair of them, and then withdrew again to blink signals to Gummy and discuss the latest antics of these warm blooded creatures. Gummy blinked back about how at least Tank’s pony was not so random.
“Spike!” Rarity called, concentrating from her own recliner, that was more like a Roman couch in its cushioning and ornateness.
A blue glow surrounded Rarity’s horn and some fabric and a pair of poles. Obediently Spike hurried over and the blue glow released one pole into his handpaws so that between his muscle and Rarity’s magic the pair managed to unfurl a banner as wide as Joe was tall. The fabric was the light blue of Rainbow Dash’s fur or feathers and embroidered on it in thread as black as Joe’s hair was the legend ‘Joe has a Marefriend’. As Joe and Rainbow Dash stared in disbelief Pinkie Pie wheeled her party cannon between the poles and fired it to scatter twirls of paper everywhere.
“What… the…” Joe said, distinctly lost for words as Spike and Rarity showed they had planned this well enough there were already holes in the ground for them to slip the ends of the banner poles into.
Rainbow Dash’s blush had deepened. “I’m glad you didn’t know either,” she said, relieved the kiss had been spontaneous rather than part of this plan.
“Celebration!” Pinkie Pie demanded, slipping forward through the aperture created by the side of her party cannon, a pole, the ground, and the bottom edge of the banner. Then she started bouncing in place. “Celebration! Celebration!”
“As you have known her longer,” said Joe as he stood, “it seems that banner should be saying Dash has a… a…”
“Special somehuman?” Twilight Sparkle suggested as Joe struggled for the term.
“Manfriend?” asked Applejack.
“Paramour?” Spike shrugged, making sure the banner was secure.
“Depends if I do,” commented Rainbow Dash from her recliner.
Joe took a breath and decided to stop denying to himself that, as strange as it seemed and her being a Pegasus not being the strangest part, things had reached and gone past that point. He turned slightly and looked down at her again with a smile. “You do, if you want one.”
Rather than reply at once Rainbow Dash took her sunglasses off with a slow deliberate sort of motion and put them to one side. Then she sprang, pushing off with her wings against the recliner rather than flapping them or having to turn to get her hindlegs under her to use those, and Joe staggered back a few strides from the impact of happy kissing Pegasus. His ‘oof’ of surprise and from the impact was swallowed by her lips on his and he had to grab her in a rather more hurried than gentle manner. Realising one hand had ended up near somewhere inappropriate for public holding he shifted his grip as the kiss continued.
“Bravo! Encore!” Rarity called as Rainbow Dash finally pulled her lips away from Joe’s.
Rainbow Dash ignored this. “That answer that question?” she smiled to Joe.
“Yep,” Joe smiled back, “though of course be my turn again now.”
“I don’t mind,” winked Rainbow Dash, wings starting to twitch. Getting the message after previous practice Joe released her and she back-flapped away to settle onto her recliner again.
“Oh bother!” Rarity said, sounding very disappointed at the lack of encore.
Joe glanced at Rarity. “Still, if I am going to swim,” he said, “then I had better retreat back into the bushes to change into those longer shorts…”
“Wuff?” asked Winona, puzzled by what tall-thing had said.
“Yes, it’s a nudity taboo Winona.”
“Arooo?” replied Winona, seeking clarification.
“Generally around dogs as well as other humans, yes.”
“Whruf,” commented Winona, thinking that sounded strange. Even for strange tall-thing.
Applejack blinked at the exchange. “Ah thought you told ponyfolk that humans were the only ones who could talk on your world Joe?”
“I also told ponyfolk how many thousand years humans and dogs had been around each other.”
“Arf,” agreed Winona, thinking it must have been long enough for proper communication.
Opalescence raised her head from where she had been curled up next to her pony, ignoring the conversation and kissing up to this point. She sniffed. “Mrow.”
“Yes, I know that seems silly Opalescence,” Joe admitted, “but until we became farmers, rather than hunter-gatherers, we didn’t have grain stores for elegant and deadly creatures to guard against mice and rats.”
“Mew,” nodded Opalescence, settling back down, as long as thing-with-lap knew it was silly and it was willing to pay compliments that was sufficient.
“I’ll tell you all something,” Joe commented, “cats are more the enforcers of nudity taboos than dogs…”
“Wurruff?” asked Winona, not seeing how.
“Dog seems happy to see you whatever you are wearing,” Joe explained, “but come out of the bathroom naked to go and get dressed in another room and meet the cat?” He paused. “Can be quite crushing to the ego to be looked up and down, sneered at slightly, and then have a shoulder washed in your direction.”
“Meroew,” Opalescence said, sitting up, looking thing-with-lap up and down, sneering slightly, and washing a shoulder at him.
“Yes Opalescence, just like that.”
“Whruff,” Winona said reassuringly, reiterating what tall-thing had said and that she was happy to see him.
“Still, if you ladies and gents will excuse me?”
“Oh, go on Joe,” Rarity said, waving a forehoof in dismissal, “indulge your bizarre taboo.”
Joe retreated, wondering why he’d said gents rather than gent. Still Owlowiscious and Tank did have the air of gentlemen about them and it would have been rude to add ‘…and Angel Bunny’ to the statement even if his gender discounted him from one description and his manners the other. As Joe vanished into the bushes Rainbow Dash stirred on her recliner and seeing this Rarity gave her a warning look.
“Rainbow Da-a-a-ash!”
“I wasn’t going to!” Rainbow Dash protested, her words showing she’d at least thought of it. “I left to let him get out of that bath alone.”
“Bath?” asked Applejack.
“We went to the Spa,” Rarity replied, “don’t Spike scales look lovely and shiny?”
“Yep,” nodded Spike, striking a pose.
“They look very nice,” Fluttershy agreed, as Angel Bunny rolled his eyes.
“Joe kept a towel around him…” said Rainbow Dash.
“Even in th’ bath?” Applejack exclaimed.
“No, but he was careful getting into it,” smiled Rarity. “A quick slide from sitting on the edge with a towel to sitting in without. Though from where I think Rainbow tickled him with a wing, while we were all unclad in that refreshing gel, I think he should have been more careful while he was in it as well.”
“Oh my!” Fluttershy squeaked, blushing and darting a look at her friend.
Rainbow Dash blushed as well. “I have no idea why he suddenly jumped and went ‘yeek’.”
Before they could decide whether to press Rainbow Dash on this Joe returned, a bundle of clothes in the crook of one arm, the towel he could have left behind rather than take into the bushes over his shoulder, and his boots dangling from one hand as that arm hung at his side. The shorts came down to mid-thigh but he was wearing a lot less than most of them had seen him in. The scars along his left side and arm were not unexpected and nor was that his legs were as muscular as the arms and chest they’d seen when Rarity had called him out of his hut midway through changing and that, although they were a lot shorter, that his feet had the same sort of ‘fingers’ as his hands.
It was a little unexpected though that he was pale enough on most of his body that there was a slight contrast with his face and hands. As Joe put his things down by Rainbow Dash’s recliner, and gave her another smile, Rarity saw something else and frowned lightly, frowning heavily might leave lines after all.
“Joe, darling,” Rarity asked, “whatever happened to your right side?”
“Got a scratch,” replied Joe, truthfully if not helpfully.
“Looks nasty,” Applejack commented.
“Hah!” said Rainbow Dash, defending her special somehuman against the idea of being a wimp. “Joe is tough, not as tough as me…”
“Nowhere near as tough as you, but this will soon fade and if I’d been getting more sun would be barely visible now even.”
“What do you mean by…” Twilight Sparkle began to ask.
Joe was feeling uncomfortable with being stared at, so he gestured at the Lake. “Safe to dive? Deep enough and no underwater rocks or obstructions?”
“Yep!” replied Pinkie Pie, then confusing matters by adding. “Nope!”
“Yes, safe. No, no underwater obstacles,” Applejack interpreted.
Joe nodded and broke into a run, toes digging into the soil a little, and jumped and dove with his arms swinging forward for momentum and to form a point. It was quite a clean entry and might have been cleaner if in mid dive he hadn’t suddenly hoped he’d secured the shorts tightly enough they wouldn’t slip or come off and that the fabric wouldn’t be too clinging or transparent when wet. The ripples he’d left faded and were replaced by nothing but the effects of the slight breeze on the water. Then a little more time passed, and a little more, and there was still no sign of him.
“Joe?” Rainbow Dash asked, sitting fully up on her recliner.
She took off and flew out over the lake looking down into the water, joined after a moment by Fluttershy and together the two Pegasi began criss-crossing the lake to search. There was still nothing until they noticed three pale shapes turning along a meandering path beneath the water. Then they realised this was the same shape, but divided by the darker shorts into a pair of legs and the rest of Joe. He seemed to be angling upwards so Rainbow Dash dove, followed slower by Fluttershy.
“Ahhh!” said Joe happily, breaking the surface and taking a deep breath.
“What did you think you were doing?” Rainbow Dash demanded.
“Urk!” Joe jerked in surprise at the voice from just above him, nearly accidentally submerging again, and floated more onto his back to look up. Seeing the glare he was being given he felt his happy mood wilt. “Er, swimming?”
“We were… concerned,” said Fluttershy, taking formation on her friend.
“Oh, er, sorry,” Joe apologised, his hesitation and surprised look showing how little he’d thought he was doing anything that would need apology. “These shorts are the ones Twilight gave me for the testing on the machines that go ‘ping’ so, as I was reminded of testing, I thought I’d see how long I could stay under…”
“And it was a reeeeeally long time!”
Joe turned in the water to the Pink Mare doing the pony-paddle to one side of him, wondering how her mane was still poofed up, and how Gummy was still sitting on her head. “It was?” he asked. “Seemed quite peaceful...”
“Don’t worry me like that again,” Rainbow Dash warned.
“Sorry,” nodded Joe, rejecting the idea of saying that he couldn’t now she knew he could swim underwater for that long. “I’ll try not to.”
“No!” Pinkie Pie protested. “Try again and see if you can do it for even longer!”
“Pinkie!” snapped Rainbow Dash, turning to transfer the glare to her friend.
Seeing this Joe had an idea and a smile came to his face. Catching Fluttershy’s eye as she hovered he brought a hand out of the water to raise a finger to his lips. She looked baffled by this gesture, perhaps because of the lack of Pony fingers, but Joe decided to take the chance that she had got the message and submerged and hoped she’d remain quiet rather than give a warning. A simple ‘dee dum, dee dum’ tune began running through Joe’s mind.
“Not like I’d put him in any danger…” Pinkie Pie argued.
“You took him to the Diamond Dogs!” countered Rainbow Dash.
“He took us…” Pinkie Pie protested, before admitting, “well okay, we took him more… but he took us as well!”
Rainbow Dash was drawing in breath for another volley and wondering why Fluttershy seemed distracted when the water erupted below her. This was not impressive compared with a dolphin or seal that could leave the water entirely but Joe managed to get high enough that his arms swung in, his hands grabbed her rear hooves, and Rainbow Dash got pulled down with him. Whether she was strong enough to support Joe’s weight or not she was surprised enough at the sudden need to that she didn’t.
“Whoa,” Pinkie Pie said. She ducked her face into the water to look, Gummy blinking in unconcern and shifting position on her head to stay dry, and then looked up again at Fluttershy. “Whoa!”
“Erm, Joe did ask me about if Pegasi used legs, wings, or both to swim,” smiled Fluttershy. “I think he is checking my answer.”
Joe broke the surface again a little way away from the pair and started to look around before there was a sudden more impressive eruption of water as Rainbow Dash came up out of it and kept going up and into the air. Rainbow Dash was glad that Pegasus feathers did not get waterlogged, it would make controlling rain or forming those waterspouts far more dangerous and would prevent proper retribution here. Joe waved a cheery hand at her and then ducked back under now he’d taken enough breaths.
“And he mentioned birds called Gannets…” Fluttershy continued.
Rainbow Dash’s eyes narrowed and she gained a little more altitude and then dived in pursuit, making a very clean entry as her wings folded back and her forehooves came together as if she was attempting a Sonic Rainboom, but still raising a considerable plume of water with her speed.
“And,” Fluttershy finished, “how they were excellent divers to catch fish and good swimmers as well.”
Pinkie Pie ducked her face again, Gummy still avoiding getting wet, and then grinned to Fluttershy. “Yep!”
From how high she was hovering, and she’d fluttered a little higher in reaction to Joe’s ‘attack’, Fluttershy could see Joe trying to evade the determinedly pursuing Rainbow Dash. She’d either not allowed for the water refraction or she’d aimed away from him so she didn’t drive the breath from him and risk him taking in a lungful of lake. Joe was doing his best but Rainbow Dash was still immensely fast and agile even underwater. Fortunately for him he could hold his breath longer and she had to give up and resurface, again taking to the sky, but circling and positioning herself for a fresh attempt.
Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy swam and flew away to get clear of this epic struggle and return to where most of the others were watching from. Another splash came from behind them and just as they were approaching the shore the rain-like noise of more water falling back from a Pegasus regaining the sky. Gummy slid from Pinkie Pie’s head as she got towards the shallows and made the brief swim and slither-walk to next to Tank, they exchanged blinks and opinions before Gummy turned back to continue his observations. Meanwhile Owlowiscious flew out to begin hooting advice to Rainbow Dash about the proper methods of stooping down at one’s prey.
“What in tarnation are they doing?” asked Applejack.
“Joe was seeing how long he could hold his breath,” Pinkie Pie cheerfully synopsised, “I said he should try again, Dashie was scolding me, Joe grabbed her, and now Dashie is pretending he’s a fish and she’s a Gai-nyet.”
“Gannet,” corrected Fluttershy before explaining, “a bird that catches fish by diving.”
“Looks like they are both pretending well,” Applejack nodded as yet another plume of water erupted into the air above the lake.
“Far too energetic,” said Rarity, posing on her recliner.
“Mrow,” Opalescence agreed, going into water was bizarre but going under it or repeatedly in and out of it? Energetic was one word for it.
“But interesting how long he could hold his breath…” mused Twilight Sparkle.
“I know, I know,” came the reply from her assistant, “make a note Spike.”
Eventually Rainbow Dash seemed to say something to Joe and they returned, Owlowiscious flying ahead to perch on Twilight Sparkle’s back. Joe emerged from the lake and showed one advantage of relatively bare skin as though his hair and beard were wet, and he had enough body hair to be damp, the water beaded and ran off him. He brushed some droplets away from his beard around his mouth and then slicked his hair back a little, moving to one side to avoid the water dripping down from Rainbow Dash’s mane and tail that she’d not managed to get off with the quick shake she’d given in flight on the way back.
“Getting tired the pair of you?” Applejack asked.
“She told me if I didn’t stop she’d start trying to grab my shorts,” smiled Joe, trying to look put upon.
“Eee’yup,” Applejack agreed, “ah can see how that would be a threat. Nudity Taboo an’ all.”
Joe paused and then shrugged. “I’m not sure you do see, and certainly I’m not sure I should give Dash another weapon against me…”
“Weapon?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking interested.
“If anything the rear of the waistband being pulled the opposite direction to off would have been worse,” continued Joe, “that would have dragged the crotch of the shorts up between my bum cheeks and squashed parts I prefer unsquashed…”
“Hwhoo-whee, ah can imagine,” Applejack winced. “Ah know ah’ve been having to balance ta work on something, been sitting on a rope a time or two an’ regretted it when ah shifted position incautious like.”
“Right,” said Rainbow Dash, descending and side-slipping to behind Joe, “so grab rear of waistband…”
Joe glanced over his shoulder. “And taking a firm grip lift straight upwards…”
“You don’t trust me,” Rainbow Dash commented, looking to either side of Joe’s hips.
“I don’t know what you mean,” replied Joe, keeping his own firm grip with both hands on the waistband to keep his shorts at his preferred level.
Tank and Gummy blinked their assessment of this manoeuvre and the bluffing to each other while Angel Bunny rested his chin on a paw as if committing this idea to memory and wondering how to apply it.
“Please Rainbow,” Rarity requested from her recliner, “don’t treat such nice shorts so dreadfully…”
“Spoilsport,” muttered Rainbow Dash in mock disappointment, flying back up to slightly above and to one side of Joe again.
“Is there a name for that dreadfulness?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“Ah,” blinked Joe, “it wedges the underwear up you so it’s called a ‘wedgie’.”
“Wedgie… check,” Spike nodded.
Joe turned to look at Spike. “Seriously,” he said, “you come to a lake with six lovely mares, one your ‘big sister’ but that made up for by the one reclining with her cat…” Rarity waved languidly to them. “And you are making notes on things like ‘wedgies’?”
“Could be worse,” Spike smiled, “I could be the one risking them.”
Joe paused and nodded. “I can’t argue with that.”
“Never mind those wedgies,” Pinkie Pie declared, boinging across to a hamper, “it’s time for cake wedges!”
The others, except Rarity, followed, and she was not deprived of cake as Spike naturally took her a piece. Opalescence seemed to approve of this service as it was right that her Pony had a servant and she not want her Pony moving and disturbing her. Winona approves more that as well as cake they had remembered the doggy treats, while Owlowiscious looked at Angel Bunny as if considering if he was an Owl treat and Angel Bunny waved the carrot he’d got from Fluttershy at him in an expressive manner. Gummy and Tank watch and comment to each other with blinks, reminding Joe of a pair of old men named after hotels watching a theatre show from a box seat. He smiled as he looked around at the lake and the setting.
“Ah know that twitch,” said Applejack several seconds later.
“Twitch?” Joe asked.
“Yeah,” agreed Rainbow Dash from where she was hovering with a much diminished slice of cake in one hoof, “whenever you think of something you give this little twitch of your shoulders and under one eye.”
“Ah’d not noticed the eye one,” Applejack admitted.
“And if I was still wearing baggy shirts,” chuckled Joe, before adding as he looked at himself, “or any shirt, then might not notice the shoulders.”
“Alas,” Rarity said tragically from her recliner, waving the fork which, as a lady, she was eating the cake from the plate with, “to have to notice the shoulders.”
“Which doesn’t answer what you were thinking of,” commented Twilight Sparkle.
Joe glanced around, Gummy and Tank blinking back at him, and Angel Bunny blowing a raspberry.
“Come on, sugar cube,” Applejack encouraged him, “if you didn’t trust us enough to tell us things we’d not know what th’ twitch means from th’ telling following th’ twitching.”
“Yeah,” agreed Rainbow Dash again, “spill it!”
“Is it too late to change my answer about if I have a marefriend?” Joe asked, looking around at the others in a woebegone way. “Less than an hour and she’s already bullying… ooof!” He rubbed his bare stomach that had just been prodded by a forehoof not holding cake. “And now she is battering me!”
“It would waste the banner, darling,” smiled Rarity.
Angel Bunny looked approving of this means of dealing with things. It was a tried and tested method and he sometimes had to use it on Fluttershy, such as the time when she had dared to make him a wonderful salad without including the cherry on the top. He started to applaud but stopped and looked worried as Owlowiscious gave him a warning look.
“Something embarrassing?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
Joe gave up and ate the last of his slice of cake. “Something where Winona would be even happier.”
“Come again?” said Applejack.
“When humans go to this sort of lake one thing they often do is have a Barbecue, and that is the time we get closest to carnivorous…” Joe paused and looked at Angel Bunny, who seemed less intimidated by this than by Owlowiscious. “In our choice of menu.”
“Wufff!” Winona said, agreeing that she approved.
“Ah can see why that would be popular with the doggyfolk,” nodded Applejack.
“Even more popular because this is not the usual way of cooking and not the usual cook,” Joe added, “and if something gets burnt then the obvious thing to do is see if the Dog wants to eat it.”
“Whuruffffff!” said Winona in more vehement agreement, though she was not sure things had to be burnt.
“And no, Winona, that is not the only bits the Dog gets. Enough puppy eyes and things that have come out more edible can vanish.”
“Whuf,” approved Winona again.
“Why is it not the usual way of cooking or cook?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“Pony kitchens are similar with the pots and pans and stoves and ovens to human ones, but a barbecue can be more like a metal dish,” replied Joe, gesturing to show an approximate size, “with charcoal in it and a grill over the top of that. So very direct heat, getting back to doing things over an open flame, and quite easy to burn things.”
“Right…” Twilight Sparkle nodded, “but why not the usual cook?”
Joe chuckled. “Cookery is a lot more unisex among humans these days but more traditionally what the women did.”
“That hardly seems fair,” Rarity commented, considering her Ponycure.
“I hope you are not expecting me to cook,” added Rainbow Dash.
“At least you mi…” Joe stopped and sighed. “Actually, let’s drop that joke. I had fun seeing Spike and Fluttershy react to me saying I’ve been fed kibble, so I was going to say you might know more recipes without that. But humans do have meat substitutes to make it easier to go vegetarian so even if it is kibble…”
“Wuff,” commented Winona.
“And nothing wrong with it, even if it is,” Joe conceded, nodding to the collie, “it’s the same idea for the same purpose. But to continue what I was saying, the usual cook is more often the woman, but the barbecue is getting back to primitive times so…”
Joe suddenly crouched and grunted, Tank and Gummy calmly observing.
“Oh my?” Fluttershy said.
“Me Man! Me go out, hit thing with stick,” said Joe, swinging his arms and beetling his brow at them. “Bring back. Man master of fire, him put thing on fire, make it cook!”
Angel Bunny blew another raspberry at the idea of Joe being quick enough to hit anything with a stick.
“Whuwurff?” Winona asked.
“Yes Winona,” nodded Joe, “Dog go out with Man, track thing so Man can hit with stick, maybe distract with bark…”
“Rahrufff! Raff!”
“Like that so Man get close with stick, that why Dog useful when Man still hunter.”
“Whurf,” Winona said, pleased at the confirmation that tall-things liked Dogs before Cats. She gave a doggy sneer towards Opalescence, who ignored it, just as she had the performance.
Joe stomped around a little and Twilight Sparkle noted the flexing of his feet and ankles. She had seen this on the treadmill, how much that flexing pushed Joe through the initial part of his stride and cushioned the later part, but it was easier to see from a slightly greater distance and with Joe hopping about being an idiot. It was still ungainly looking to be a biped but she was beginning to understand why his rear… lower… limbs were arranged that way.
Rainbow Dash fought down her fit of giggles. “You man, you get on recliner since him skin bare so him dry.”
Joe straightened and then bowed and moved back across to sit on the edge of that.
“Ah think Joe answered our question, don’t you Twi?” Applejack said.
“Erm, yes,” nodded Twilight Sparkle. “Him Man, so him cook at barbecue.”
“Humans like fire, primitive instincts, check,” Spike said, adding to himself “no wonder they invented flamethrowers.”
“Say what?” exclaimed Applejack.
“Nothing,” Spike replied.
Tank took off from beside Gummy to fly across and land next to the recliner and blink at Joe. With a little more grace Rainbow Dash also flew across but rather than blink up at Joe she looked down at him and glowered slightly, waving an imperious forehoof.
“Come on,” Rainbow Dash ordered, “I said get on it.”
Joe shrugged and swung his feet up to recline, Rainbow Dash settling to snuggle against his left side, careful of the scratch on his right. While Tank plodded back underneath the recliner Joe scooted over a little to give Rainbow Dash more room, something she didn’t really want. The recliner was a bit narrow for both of them but that gave more excuse to be closer. She got cosy lying partially on him with her head on his chest and his left arm down her back and felt tempted to unfurl upper wing a little, but with where she was lying that was too crotch level on Joe to do. Or at least to do with their friends there to make it too embarrassing how tickly he might find it, even if she didn’t deliberately tickle. She squirmed slightly and enjoyed the novelty of bare firm flesh against her.
“Talking of ‘hit things with stick’,” Rainbow Dash said, trying not to purr too much, “did you guys hear about the event where Joe got this scratch?”
“And quite ruined his new waistcoat,” added Rarity, keeping her sense of priorities.
“Shirt was torn as well,” Joe said absently.
“Obviously,” nodded Rarity, “now we can see the scratch.”
Twilight Sparkle had settled where she could look at people, but instead she looked down at her plate and the remnants of her slice of cake as she made sure her expression was under control. After what Joe had said about brooding that he had almost become a murderer she hoped Rainbow Dash was not going to go into too much detail. Deciding she was looking calm and pleasant she raised her gaze again.
“Spike told me about how it went wrong…” Twilight Sparkle said, repeating what she had said to Joe and hoping Rainbow Dash would get the message.
“Wrong?” protested Rainbow Dash, too enthusiastic to notice. “It was awesome.”
“Princess Luna didn’t think so,” Rarity pointed out, more sensitive to Twilight Sparkle’s emphasis.
“Princess Luna? Oh my,” added Fluttershy, hiding in her mane.
Applejack nodded from where she had settled with Winona settled against her. “This sounds like a right tale.”
“Tell it! Tell it!” demanded Pinkie Pie.
His feeling of contentedness did not want to leave him but Joe blinked as he belatedly realised what was being said. The feel of Rainbow Dash against him had been more than enough distraction to make him not pay much heed to anything but that. She was nice in his arms when he was dressed and he knew how good her fur and feathers and mane felt on his hands. Having that fur pressed against so much more of his skin, her slightly damp mane against his chest and the scent of it in his nose, and her shifting about as she gestured and talked was enough to make him glad he had a problem. If parts were responding as much as it seemed they should then he might have had to ask her to unfurl a wing and conceal the evidence for modesty’s sake.
“If talking about barbecues was embarrassing,” Joe said, with a wince Rainbow Dash didn’t see with where her head was laid, “then I’m not sure what this would be.”
“Awesome?” asked Rainbow Dash, the side of her muzzle moving against Joe’s chest as she spoke.
“Awesomely Embarrassing…” Joe corrected.
“Ah saw th’ piece in th’ paper,” commented Applejack.
“Oh dear, that was the same event?” Fluttershy twittered.
“What else would it be?” frowned Applejack.
“I thought, maybe, Fancy Pants had held another yesterday. During the Day since the item mentioned Princess Celestia.”
“That’s a right good thought, honey bun, but it did mention Holders of th’ Elements.”
“And I was hoping that whoever wrote it had got confused between two events, Fluttershy argued, as much as she ever did, “and thought Rarity and Rainbow were at the other as well, or instead.”
“Fair point,” nodded Applejack, “and be about th’ same degree of mistake as confusing th’ Princesses.”
“There weren’t gatecrashers,” Joe said, hoping to end the conversation sooner with simply stated facts, “but there were five party guests who thought it would be amusing to disguise themselves and pretend to be Changelings.”
“Ah you sure they weren’t Changelings who’d disguised themselves as th’ party guests?”
“We thought that, Applejack,” Rarity contributed, “when Princess Luna changed their appearances, but she corrected us.”
“What a stinky prank,” commented Pinkie Pie, ignoring Gummy chewing on her tail as she comfortably sprawled.
“They don’t sound like they were being very nice,” Fluttershy agreed.
“As I thought the Guards would be busy,” continued Joe, taking the blame, “since it seemed there would not just be five Changelings invading Canterlot…”
“There were scads and scads and scads of them before,” Pinkie Pie nodded.
“We ended up fighting those five,” concluded Joe.
“With Fancy Pants’ approval,” Rarity reminded him and told the others. “Though it did spoil what had been a lovely evening…”
“Yeah, it had been fun,” admitted Rainbow Dash.
“Rainbow…” Applejack smiled, “you liked fancy pictures and music better than some fighting?”
Rainbow Dash raised her head enough to glower at her friend as Rarity continued, “And spoiled what had been a lovely visit to the Spa… though we can always go again?”
“Pass,” Joe said, managing to smile, “and I’ve already gone and picked up the clothes I wore to there.”
“So I could tell, dear,” smiled Rarity, “I didn’t think you had two pairs of boots that were that… comfortable. But I’d only just had my Ponycure and then had to indulge in brute violence…”
Joe gave another slight wince, which Twilight Sparkle noticed, as he thought about how bloody it could have been. “I am sorry for your sacrifice, though not sorry that you saved me from two of them.” He looked to the others. “She called a warning and then snagged one’s leg with her magic, and when that one tried to attack her its… his… face took a lot more damage than it did to her rear hooves.”
“Principle of the thing though, and as for Rainbow’s poor coiffure…” Rarity shook her head in shock. “When we met Twilight on our way to the station I didn’t even want Rainbow to fly ahead when we heard the train whistle, so you can imagine what flying and whirling and turning at high speed did to it.”
“It was a lovely coiffure,” Joe admitted, “but tousled and grinning in triumph has its own appeal.”
“Two of them were disguised Pegasi and I had to beat both of them,” said Rainbow Dash, adding with a proud smile, “with Joe’s help.”
“I… erm,” Fluttershy said, trying to think how to phrase it inoffensively as she looked at Joe and his lack of wings, “I can understand why you, but how could Joe help?”
Angel Bunny raspberried at Joe contemptuously to make it clear what his opinion of what the answer was and Winona gave a slight growl at the rudeness to tall-thing who she liked.
“I didn’t much,” replied Joe, trying to not think about it, “she fought one out of the sky and the other one was still stunned by her first attack…”
“When he threw half a tent pole at him,” Rainbow Dash added, “and into him…”
“Oh my!” said Fluttershy, looking down and letting her mane fall across her face.
Joe sighed as not only was that an unpleasant memory, and would likely have been even had that been a Changeling, but it appeared that mentioning it had made Fluttershy scared of him again. Trying to downplay things he argued, “it was not an impressive throw…”
“Was impressive enough, darling,” Rarity interrupted, trying to pamper his ego.
“Throwing is one of the things humans are good at…” began Rainbow Dash.
“And ah bet you can tell us a few more things Joe is good at,” Applejack winked.
Rainbow Dash blushed and tried to continue. “Joe mentioned humans could throw better than Chimpanzees.”
“I thought you said Chimpanzees were stronger than you?” Fluttershy asked, overcoming her shyness at the talk of nature.
“Which was the point,” nodded Joe, “we were talking about throwing darts and when she said her forelimbs were strong I said arm strength was not the same as arm speed.” He looked down at the head on his chest, not realising how fond a look he was giving her. “Though any throw I can make is very unimpressive compared with Dash’s dive and release of darts against my archery target…”
“Beating five supposed Changelings at a fancy party was awesome,” Rainbow Dash agreed, “but that was pretty awesome as well.”
“If not for my problem,” Joe whispered, “the kiss straight after would have been even more awesome, if only because that wasn’t why I had to order a new archery target.”
“Hwhoo-whee!” exclaimed Applejack, making Joe wonder if he had whispered too loudly.
“Glad you appreciate Ponies,” Rarity commented, seeming to confirm Joe’s whisper had been more generally audible.
“Seems to,” said Applejack, nodding towards the happily settled Rainbow Dash.
“Doesn’t appreciate me,” Rarity pouted, “thought I’d look better as a Dragon!”
“What… I… er… am sure that is not true…” stammered Fluttershy, before blushing slightly as she looked at Spike to assure him, “though Dragons can look… nice.”
“How about it Joe?” Applejack asked.
“What I actually said was she’d make a pretty Dragon…”
“See!” Rarity cried, hamming it up. “Only pretty!”
“Very beautiful…” murmured Spike.
“And now he has Spike imagining it,” Rarity added.
“Imagining it vividly enough he didn’t notice you arriving,” nodded Joe.
“There was that advantage,” Rarity admitted.
Rainbow Dash frowned against Joe’s chest, but decided she was too comfortable to turn and look up at him. “What is it with you and wanting people to be different shapes?”
“First, I did agree with Twilight that wasn’t a good solution for us as I should want you whatever shape you are,” Joe replied, hugging her a little closer and getting more snuggle in return. “And second with what I was saying about Rarity it was a very different reason…”
“Er, yeah,” said Spike as Joe looked to him. He sighed. “Not to be too gloomy, but Dragons live a lot longer than Ponies as well as getting a lot bigger.”
There was a pause and a few nods as they considered that, barring accidents, the only people Spike knew that he was not going to outlive were the Alicorn Princesses. If the choice was death or centuries of extra life as a Dragon then that could be argued as better reason than simply having a ‘problem’. And that if the change was the other way around and Spike was turned into a Pony then he’d be making a far greater sacrifice than Joe would have done.
“And like their gems almost as much as Rarity!” Applejack winked.
“Applejack!” hissed Rarity.
That seemed to break the gloom and divert the serious turn the conversation had taken. They continued to chat about things, content where they were and in each other’s company, and Applejack throwing a ball for Winona who obediently and promptly brought it back. Except for the time when it bounced too close to Gummy and she first had to wait for him to finish chewing it. Joe idly watched this and tried to remember how Crocodile teeth worked, other than ‘very well, thank you’, and if they ever went through teething. Part of his skin was comfortable with who was lying against it and the rest was comfortable in the warmth of the sun, though a smile came to his face as he realised a possible problem.
“If I stay here much longer like this I’ll get a Pegasus outline on me,” Joe commented, a little sleepily.
“What?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Some sun is good for human skin,” Joe explained, “but too much is bad, so to protect itself my skin would turn a little darker. Where there is sunlight rather than Pegasus.”
“Oh…” said Rainbow Dash. Then she giggled and snuggled and whispered. “I said I needed some way to mark you.”
“Er, yeah,” Joe blinked.
Before he could think of anything more insightful to say Pinkie Pie bounced over and peered at him, Gummy blinking at the movement and Opalescence waking and deciding to wash as sunlight on cat fur was also useful, and without the indignity of it altering already perfect colours.
“I don’t see a difference yet,” Pinkie Pie said, sounding disappointed. Then she looked from chest to face and back again. “Though, is that why your face is slightly different than what your clothes normally cover?”
“I’ve not been getting that much sun to make that much difference,” nodded Joe, “or I’d need to follow Applejack’s fine example of a hat, but enough.”
“So, it’s a more gradual change?” Twilight Sparkle asked, interested in getting an accurate idea of the process. “And you were exaggerating to tease Rainbow? And that was why you said the scratch would be less visible? Because the skin would be a little darker?”
“Yes, yes, yes, and yes,” replied Joe.
“I know, make a note Spike,” Spike muttered, “humans go red…”
“More brown,” corrected Joe, “and humans from warmer parts of the world already have browner skin, or even black.”
“You mentioned humans could have skin about the same colour as Daring Do’s fur,” Rainbow Dash nodded against him.
“I’m about as pale as it gets without being an albino,” continued Joe, “and I’ll admit there’s a monkey named by the locals after people from my country because it has a bright red face and if we get too much sun too fast then that can be the result.”
“Erm… nature is fascinating,” Fluttershy commented as Angel Bunny rolled his eyes.
“Aw, and we don’t want you turning red,” said Rainbow Dash teasingly, “maybe I should shade you with my wing?”
She extended her wing briefly over him and deliberately tickled, taking care to ‘only’ make it across his upper thighs rather than into the shorts region, and Joe still only barely managing to avoid an unmanly squeak.
“Ah don’t think that helped with him not turning red, Rainbow,” Applejack commented.
“Er, yes…” choked Joe, “although, as Fluttershy would attest, mother birds do that for their hatchlings there is more of me to cover.”
A wicked glint came to Applejack’s eyes as she saw the opening. “Are you saying you want Rainbow to ‘cover’ you?”
“I… eee.. oh…” sputtered Joe as Rainbow Dash giggled.
“No, Joe,” Twilight Sparkle corrected with a grin. “A, e, i, o, u… not i, e, o.”
Rainbow Dash rolled off Joe and the recliner onto her hooves. “Better let him swim,” she winked, “warm up the lake for the rest of us with that blush.”
“And the lake would boil,” said Joe sitting up and trying to rally, “if you dove in after me with yours.”
==
The latest letter from Twilight Sparkle hovered in the sunshine yellow glow of Princess Celestia’s magic as she read it. There was much she knew Twilight Sparkle was not saying as when she wished it all that occurred under Her Sun was within Her Gaze, as she had shown when her student had become overwrought about not having sent a letter and had rivalled Discord in the chaos she caused trying to cause a problem she could solve. But she would agree with her student that there had no need to include a description of a ‘wedgie’ rather than that being something to share.
As Princess Celestia continued with that letter Princess Luna continued to look through the pile of far shorter letters on the table, next to their evening meals and with the far less precise penmanship of fillies and colts. “Well, my sister,” Princess Luna commented, “does seem thy younger subjects did appreciate Joe’s efforts. Save perhaps this ‘Diamond Tiara’ and ‘Silver Spoon’.”
Looking up from Twilight Sparkle’s letter Princess Celestia nodded. “Their letters did seem to have that undercurrent,” she agreed, “and I do wonder if those were their first attempts.”
“Indeed,” smiled Princess Luna. “They dost have the flavour of thy authors having been told to rewrite them.”
“Here, read this,” Princess Celestia replied as she finished.
Princess Luna looked up from the table, her horn glowing so the yellow of the sun was replaced around the other letter by night time darkness. “Hmm? More from thy student?”
“And more on Joe.”
“Thy time is precious,” Princess Luna gently chided her sister, “and I do not feel this lone human worthy of thy concern.”
“Maybe not, but please read the letter.”
Inclining her head in obedience Princess Luna began to read, making ‘hmm’ noises and nodding to herself as she did, and then chuckling as she finished. “Hah! Another embarrassment to be added to your supposed defeat, that Joe so grievously underestimated you by that. Though Goddesses of great power he still thought we were, even if of great power as part of something rather than as the things entire.”
“The question is whether he thinks my power could be emulated by jewellery.”
“A fair touch, my sister,” Princess Luna smiled, “and now I regret sharing my Guard’s report on the talk of those rings. Perhaps we should ask him?”
“Perhaps,” smiled Princess Celestia in reply.
“I must say that even with what I have seen of his dreams this does surprise me,” Princess Luna admitted after a moment. “They were greatly troubled and uncertain when he arrived but that he accepted things so well when so much is strange…”
“Or did not accept them,” corrected Princess Celestia, “rather he hid from them until now.”
“For which thee, and I, were grateful as we both feared why Discord would think him an amusing tool.”
Princess Luna floated Twilight Sparkle’s letter to one side and they went back to their meals. As mortals they would need these meals more, as Goddesses these meals had ‘somehow’ remained at their perfect temperatures while they dealt with the letters. A minor use of power that made interruptions or delays to the passage of food from kitchen to dining or breakfast room easier to tolerate. Princess Celestia frowned as she finished eating and sipped at her drink.
“This does give me some concern as well as some comfort, even if you think those a waste of my time.”
“Thy time is thine to waste,” Princess Luna replied, “but my words were more to reassure about Joe’s intent, and I trust thy insight if thee think tis worth wasting on him.”
“Thank you,” said Princess Celestia, her frown fading. “I am glad that Joe also had some insight and realised where his talk on flight was leading him...”
“At the last moment,” Princess Luna nodded. “When he had been drawn to talk without notes by a politely asked filly question.”
“Hence my concern as well as comfort,” nodded Princess Celestia back. “comfort that he realised and cared, concern that he could so nearly slip. I also trust your insight and I accept that Joe intends no harm.”
“And I accept that intent and deed do not always align.”
As her sister fell silent and thought Princess Luna stayed quiet to let her have this time undisturbed. After a few minutes Princess Celestia turned worried looking eyes on her sibling.
“I do not know what it is,” Princess Celestia admitted, “we know more about Joe than he perhaps knows about himself. We know that he does not want to disrupt Equestria, that he seeks to avoid that, and we know that even if he began speaking freely that he would be unable to. But as unwilling as he is and as incapable as he is I still mistrust the situation.”
“But not Joe?” asked Princess Luna, trying to help her sister clarify her thoughts.
“I… trust him to be who he is, which is quite different from being a Pony. What seems natural to them is something he does because he accepts moral constraints,” Princess Celestia mused, almost thinking aloud. “He sees they act alike, but only sees that and not the difference it makes that humans need rules and Ponies do not. But the analogy of a dog was well chosen, whatever his inclinations it seems Joe is not a feral one and will obey.”
“Thy plans are well laid, Tia, and we have done all we should.”
“Then it is settled,” Princess Celestia nodded in decision before raising her voice to about half Royal Canterlot levels. “Guard!”
There was a clatter of armoured hooves and a clank of armour as the Guard Pony entered and then bowed. “Ma’am?”
“Have a messenger report to the Starswirl the Bearded Wing of the library, I have a book to dispatch from there.”
“Yes Ma’am.”