//------------------------------// // Chapter 17 // Story: Joe // by JMDARE //------------------------------// “Strip.” “Hello to you as well Rarity,” Joe said. The white Unicorn looked unamused. “Strip, though I suppose you want the privacy screens?” “I want to know why I should strip.” “You are here for your altered clothes aren’t you? And you’d not continue to commit the crime against fashion of continuing to wear what you are when there is that alternative.” “I’m here to find out how long it would take you to alter the rest of the clothes,” Joe replied. “I’ve done my laundry so if the weather stays good I’d be bringing them in tomorrow, but I don’t want to run out of clean clothes while most of mine are here.” Rarity nodded to this and Joe wondered if this visit had been a good idea. He and Rainbow Dash had sat for several minutes and Joe had started to regret not checking the ground more carefully before he obeyed the order to sit. Whether what he was sitting on was a twig or part of what had been his archery target it had begun to dig into his rear, especially with the extra weight of the Pegasus in his lap. He’d been concerned that she might have fallen asleep with her chin on his knee while they were sitting on his porch and that concern had returned by the time she stirred and pulled away to sit more beside him. Instead of putting the dart back into the bag he’d taken it from Joe had put the dart into the pannier bag Rainbow Dash had taken the two from so the panniers were balanced two and two rather than three and one. Then he’d helped her with putting those panniers on and had watched the sky for a few moments after she had taken off and left. The walk back to his hut was short but had given him time to think about the unforeseen turn to a day he’d intended to spend on reading and errands and laundry. Joe was not sure if it was more unexpected being kissed or that he’d felt something, but he was sure that it was more unexpected that he’d been tempted to kiss Rainbow Dash goodbye. That temptation he had suppressed though as it seemed unfair to do something where he felt incapable of feeling as much or continuing as far as he should. There was also the question of how far would be too far for him as before today he’d assumed a kiss would be too far, but since he’d been wrong about that it seemed pointless to speculate. Of course deciding that and stopping himself from speculating were two different things, as much as he thought he would just have to see what felt right at the time and in that situation it was something else he knew he’d worry about along with Princess Celestia’s warning. On reflection the ruler of Equestria had not told him she’d appreciate him being cautious with his words, she’d just said caution would be welcome and Joe had taken that as being on the subject of weapons as they had just discussed. Taking two of her subjects to visit the Diamond Dogs, or at least not preventing them, was the sort of deed that didn’t seem cautious and in a different way neither did kissing one of her subjects. Even if deeds did not count Joe was concerned that he had been saying too much. He’d not been talking about weapons the Ponies did not have but he had discussed human flying machines with Rainbow Dash and the Cutie Mark Crusaders and, even if it had been fought two millennia ago, he’d talked today about a battle and the equipment and tactics of the two armies. He’d just been very fortunate that in making it clear his estimate of the impact was more than theoretical that Rainbow Dash hadn’t asked how the solid metal darts were propelled or for more details of the armoured vehicles they were intended to pierce. Joe had picked up his mattock and shovel from his hut and started back for where he could no longer practice archery. As he made this return trip he had begun to wonder if it would be better to just leave, it was pessimistic to think he needed to jump before he was pushed but the way things were going it seemed Ponies were asking questions that he could not cautiously reply to. He’d tried to not be too isolated, despite the temptation to be the hermit that Rainbow Dash had jokingly accused him of being and to stay inside his hut and pretend everything was normal outside, but as blasé as the Ponies seemed he’d still felt too self-conscious to socialise much. Going into the Everfree with the Cutie Mark Crusaders seemed to have changed this, or, Joe had admitted to himself, allowed him to realise there had been a change in him as well. A month or a month and a half ago he’d been physically less capable and it would have been unlikely Apple Bloom would have even asked for his help, let alone that he’d have felt able to give it. That change was something Joe had worked for and knew. But he’d realised that the same sort of time ago he’d have been just as unable to deal with the attention that trip had brought. His nerves had not overcome him as they would have done before, not even when Granny Smith was lecturing him or he was talking to Princess Celestia herself. Now Ponies knew they could talk to him and he knew he could talk to them it seemed too constraining to try to retreat again, even if the Ponies would let him rather than just keep visiting and expecting visits in return. If he stayed then he knew he’d keep being asked questions and keep slipping and saying more than Princess Celestia might prefer. Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle were right that it was arrogant of him to think he knew, or could do, anything significant but a warning from a sun-goddess was not easy to forget. So it might be better to find somewhere to exile himself rather than wait for Princess Celestia to be annoyed enough to choose a place for him. Reaching the wreckage of his target and going behind it to the holes Joe had dug trenches to follow the line of the tunnels the darts had carved. These had collapsed in on themselves as they got deeper but the soil still looked disturbed enough to be visibly different. Eventually he had managed to find the dart heads with small fragments of wood still sticking out their rears where the shafts had shattered with the impact. The metal was not unscathed either, and Joe was not sure whether the points and edges could be hammered back into shape or they would need to be melted down and reforged. He’d returned to his hut and made and eaten his lunch before doing his laundry. The trousers he was wearing had been a little muddy after the sitting on the ground and the digging and the shirt a little sweaty, so he’d put on clean and dumped those in with the rest to be washed. It was when he was hanging things on the line that he’d wondered how long it would take Rarity to alter them. He’d have three sets of shirt and trousers with what he’d be wearing when he delivered the others, the new set, and the set Rarity had altered so that did seem enough, but perhaps better to check. Before that trip into Ponyville he’d sat down though and returned to what he’d intended for the day. Finishing his book while enjoying the early afternoon and having a breather after the lifting and stretching and water carrying of laundry day. He’d also washed the dart heads and popped them in a pocket of a bag in case he saw Rainbow Dash while he was about things. The book had continued exciting and the walk into town had been pleasant, and then he’d had the surprise of being told to strip. “Strip,” Rarity said, repeating herself, again. “I said I wasn’t here for the altered clothes.” “And I said it would be a crime against fashion to let you continue wearing those, so I’ll get the screens and your altered clothes and you can change and I can make a start on those.” “That would only leave me with two sets of shirt and trousers,” Joe mused, “but that should be fine and I can always come back to pick some up once they are done rather than waiting until they are all done.” “There!” nodded Rarity. “A fine reason for you to visit me more often, though I am disappointed you think you need a reason.” “I’d not want to presume on my welcome…” Joe said, pausing and winking before adding, “with Opalescence.” “I am sure we can both tolerate you, a little more at least.” “But you can tolerate me better in different clothes.” “Or none,” Rarity winked. Deciding to not touch that comment with a bargepole Joe remained silent as he helped arrange the screens. He hesitated long enough before undressing that Rarity returned, some clothes floating beside her, before he had done more than unlace and remove his boots. Which he thought fortunate as she brought them in rather than floating them in from outside. Rarity looked him up and down and smiled as the pile of cloth settled. “Still committing the crime?” “Wanting something to put on before taking much off.” “Oh darling, I saw quite enough of your broad chest and muscular thighs last time,” Rarity replied. Joe had told her what human fashions were designed to compliment so she knew what parts to compliment to tease him. Joe tried to rally. “Then I shall let you go outside the screens before I change, in fact I shall insist on it rather than inflict any sights upon you.” “So brave, so self-sacrificing,” Rarity said, raising one forehoof in a mock swoon. Then to Joe’s relief she left and a screen glowed slightly to close the gap she’d left through. Remembering last time Joe took the things out of his pockets and removed his belt and knife before he stripped, but then he frowned as he examined what Rarity had left. There seemed a lot more cloth than he’d expected and as he unfolded it he realised why. Joe closed his eyes for a moment. “Rarity.” “Yes Joe?” “This seems to be trousers, waistcoat, shirt, and neckcloth. Not just trousers and shirt.” “Well hurry up and put them on so I can give you the jacket and the formal boots.” “I don’t want to be wearing a suit around Ponyville.” “And I don’t want you to be wearing it there, but it does seem more sensible for you to only change twice.” Joe had to admit the truth in that and even if he’d not been convinced he didn’t have any choice. Rarity had realised from the question that he might have undressed and Joe caught a glimpse of his unaltered clothes flying away in a blue glow of magic. The trousers and shirt were no trouble but then Joe ran into problems as he realised he wasn’t sure about the neckcloth. Pictures were one thing but actually tying and making the elegant folds was another. “Rarity,” said Joe reluctantly, “help.” “Oh, of course,” Rarity replied. The screen slid aside again and the white Unicorn returned. Magic enveloped the neckcloth and like stop motion footage of origami it wrapped itself around Joe’s neck and began intricately folding itself. “There,” Rarity nodded with one last tweak. “Thank you.” “No trouble, waistcoat now.” “I can manage that.” “Of course, I’d not doubt your ability with simpler things.” With that parting sally Rarity retreated. Joe shrugged and put on the last of the clothes within the screen. Then he wandered out from his refuge and towards the waiting Rarity. She gave him another look up and down and he felt a tug at the waistcoat as she straightened it. “I’ve put hidden fasteners in these boots,” said Rarity, “that way they appear solid but you can get them on and off without so much trouble.” She fluttered her eyelashes slightly. “Not that I expect you’d have too much trouble finding someone to help you get your boots off.” “I… ah,” Joe sputtered, after earlier today he wondered if Rarity might actually be right. He forced a normal tone and a smile. “I am sure that says at least as much, if not more, about your tailoring as anything else.” “Naturally,” replied Rarity, a slight gleam of speculation coming into her eyes at Joe’s reaction. Trying to ignore that gleam Joe picked up a boot to examine it. These did look good but he hoped the hidden fasteners would not be as fussy as the hidden zips on a science fiction show, though Rarity was probably working to a higher budget and had been concerned with fashion rather than making things look futuristic. Continuing to not look at Rarity while he made sure his expression was politely appreciative Joe put the boots on. “Mirror time!” Rarity said happily. “The jacket?” “See how it looks without that,” Rarity said, adding a moment later, “with the jacket on you won’t be able to see the shirt other than the cuffs.” Joe nodded, the waistcoat was covering most of his torso and the neckcloth the area within the waistcoat’s neckline. He doubted he’d be taking off his jacket if he was at a formal enough occasion to warrant a suit but taking a look now made sense. Rarity had remembered to adjust the mirror for Joe being half again as tall as her usual Mare customers and Joe remembered he had to stand a little further back from it. “Once more you have surpassed my high expectations,” Joe said, looking at himself and smiling and giving Rarity a slight bow, the suit having the effect of making him feel more courtly manners were appropriate. The only problem Joe could see, turning back to the mirror, was that this was going to be so high maintenance. The boots gleamed with the sort of deep shine that would take hours of polishing to regain after the slightest scuff. The trousers were well tailored to him without being too tight, but their pristine whiteness would be hard to restore and so would that of the shirt. The neckcloth was a deep wine red that Joe would not have chosen but he had to admit looked good, and would look good again if he ever figured out how to tie it anywhere near as well as Rarity had. At least the waistcoat had been easy to put on and the stormy-sky blue would not be horrendously sensitive like the pure white was. Rarity had not lingered to watch Joe admiring himself once she had seen the effect without the jacket. She had been confident in the fit and that her sense of colour and shade would not have deserted her but things could appear different on the dummy than on the person. Normally she could allow for this but Joe not being pony-shaped made this harder, especially since the dummy was likely less accurate as well. So she was impatient to see how the complete ensemble looked and when Joe turned from the mirror it was to find the jacket hovering next to him. “Thank you,” Joe said, taking it and shrugging it on. Before he could turn back to the mirror and adjust it himself he felt another tug to make sure the jacket sat evenly on his shoulders. Joe gave Rarity another slight bow and then got a shock as he saw himself. He’d only mentioned the romances rather than the military fiction set in that time period and certainly had not mentioned the days of sail and muzzle loading cannon. But through coincidence or insight Rarity had chosen a dark Navy Blue and a cut that blended the civilian fashions he’d described with a little extra practicality, just as the uniforms had to let the officers move about ship. Thinking it almost looked bare without epaulettes was conceited though as that assumed he’d be worthy of a high enough rank. “This colour works well with the waistcoat and neckcloth,” Joe said, when he trusted himself to speak. Though saying that made him wonder what Ponies called the colour as since he’d seen little sign of ships and boats, and they were so peaceful, he doubted they had a Navy for a blue. “And I do like the cut.” “You seemed surprised.” “I am not surprised that you did such excellent work and made me look so fine,” Joe assured her, “just that I looked so similar to pictures I had seen.” Rarity slowly nodded. She wasn’t sure that was all there was to it but she was satisfied with what she had achieved and that Joe was satisfied with it. There was maybe one flaw though. “Have you been cutting your own mane?” “Hair. And yes, been keeping it and my beard trimmed. Off the ears and collar with the former and about a finger width of length for the latter.” “Hold still then,” Rarity commanded. “What?” asked Joe, then a large towel settled across his shoulders and wrapped around him like a shawl. Various scissors and clippers floated into view where he could see them or see them in the mirror. “Er.” “At least you have kept it clean,” Rarity tsked. Then without further ado the tools swooped and began evening up and shaping Joe’s hair and beard. He wanted to protest but he was not a ventriloquist and moving his jaw or lips could cause his beard to be mis-trimmed. It only took a couple of minutes but it seemed longer to Joe as he was used to human barbers and only one pair of scissors working at a time. “And at least that wasn’t as much trouble as Princess Cadance,” Joe finally said as things swooped away from him again and the towel carefully unwound to take the clippings away. “What do you know about that, darling?” asked Rarity, making a brush float in and dust Joe off. “I know they only had one hairdresser as skilled as you, and she had flu,” Joe replied, looking at the results in the mirror. The change was subtle but it was like between a Cat who had been comfortable and one that had got damp or ruffled and not managed to quite restore its sleekness. “So rather than one of the Crystal Ponies being able to produce the ceremonial headdress you had to learn to do it.” “It was difficult,” admitted Rarity, “the list was long and though some of the steps didn’t seem to make sense they had effects several steps down the line.” “But you succeeded, and had the games inspector not been early you’d have succeeded with hours to go.” “Unfortunately she was early.” “Which does not detract from your success.” “I suppose not, and Princess Cadance did look spectacular with the gems woven into her mane and the way her mane was gathered and built and braided.” “Then I shall hope to see pictures of that, perhaps of the announcement.” “It was a fine day’s work,” Rarity smiled, “and I tried to not point out to the others, too much, that I had been diligently working while they gave the tour to the wrong Pony. I’d made some mistakes but had salvaged them through my own efforts rather than through a stroke of luck.” “From what Applejack said when she invited me to the Apple family dinner last night,” nodded Joe, on an impulse not mentioning that it was also from what Rainbow Dash had said this morning, “I’d been looking after Winona and doing chores at Sweet Apple Acres yesterday, I think they were well aware of how lucky they’d been.” “And from what Sweetie Belle said you’d also been helping to look after the Cutie Mark Crusaders?” “I checked on them, but didn’t do much more than that.” “Of course not,” Rarity smiled, not sure if Joe was downplaying things or just underestimating the worth of his company. Joe looked at Rarity for a moment, puzzled by the smile and her tone, and then glanced back at himself in the mirror. “Anyway,” he said, “this is very fine work and I shall treasure it for a suitable occasion…” “You might not have to treasure if for long,” Rarity interrupted. “I did wonder. When you said I needed a suit.” “Yes,” Rarity said, annoyed she had been even that transparent. The only time she’d liked people finding her transparent had been when the Crystal Heart was restored and she’d temporarily looked like a Crystal Pony. “There is an event in four days time in Canterlot and Fancy Pants, one of Equestria’s most socially elite, told me he would be happy if I could attend, and that if I wanted to bring my friends I could.” “I expect he was thinking of the other holders of the Elements of Harmony.” “Perhaps so, but he was not specific and he is a fine stallion. One I am sure would be glad to make your acquaintance and who you would enjoy meeting.” “Perhaps so,” Joe echoed, “but…” He pinched the brow of his nose and closed his eyes for a moment. “I am doing better than I was,” he admitted, looking again to Rarity, “but I’d be reluctant even if I wasn’t going to be the only human there.” “What difference does that make?” “If everyone was human then I’d be able to just make a few quiet comments, reply politely to questions and mind my manners, be happy that I was there with a lovely lady, and fade into the background while she sparkled. But here I am unusual so more eyes would be on me even without how flattering this suit is and more questions would be directed my way. So I’d have far more chance of making a mistake and embarrassing myself, and you.” “There are Ponies who try to achieve petty victories in social warfare,” Rarity admitted, “but Fancy Pants is not one of them and does not approve of people being made to feel unwelcome or embarrassed. And if your manners are good enough to survive a dinner at Granny Smith’s table then they are good enough for this relatively informal event.” “Relatively,” smiled Joe. “Yes. It is a combination of garden party and art exhibition. Some new artworks and some that are rarely shown will be on display at a gallery, but Ponies… people… can circulate between those or out into the sculpture garden…” Rarity paused and decided to not mention her embarrassment of more than a year ago where she had tried too hard to circulate between inside and outside as she’d wanted to attend Twilight Sparkle’s birthday party and the elite social occasion of the Canterlot Garden Party. Her friends had gone outside when they realised that she’d been wanting to mingle there as well and had caused havoc. She’d defended her friends and the two worst snobs, Jet Set and Upper Crust, had scoffed at them as ruffians. But that had almost been worth it when Fancy Pants had said he thought they were charming and asked her to introduce them. Finding Fancy Pants approved of them was bad enough for Jet Set and Upper Crust but discovering one of those ‘ruffians’ was Princess Celestia’s personal student and high enough in her esteem to have been given use of the Castle Ballroom for her party made it even worse. Then finding that they were all known to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna as they were the holders of the Elements of Harmony, and that Fancy Pants had recognised them and had asked for introductions only to observe the formalities, had made their defeat entire. “… where there will be refreshments and classical music will be being played.” “Hrm,” said Joe. “I don’t know that much about art or classical music, and what I do know is of the human version so I can’t say something reminds me of something or have a chance of recognising the more famous pieces.” “With the music you’d just have to listen,” Rarity reassured him, “and with the art I expect you could make sensible comments on colour and form and the effect it seems you think the artist was striving for.” “Maybe, and four days would allow some study time,” nodded Joe. “So you will attend?” Joe sighed. “I doubt it, more important problems than what the event is. One is that I think you should invite Spike, not me.” “I’d be happy for Spike to go, either with us or instead of you, but the soiree is late in the evening and into the night and, as well as it being late for him, I don’t think Spike would be interested.” “I think Spike is interested in anything if you are.” “I know,” Rarity admitted, “but I try to not abuse that, or let it put Spike in a position where he might be embarrassed. I’d rather he did something he’d enjoy.” “You might be underestimating his manners, or overestimating mine, if you think he’s more likely to be embarrassed than me.” “Oh no, his manners are good while he is awake,” Rarity explained, “but I remember when we were all watching a meteor shower late one night and he fell asleep in the Punch Bowl.” Joe nodded, that could be more embarrassing at a formal occasion than amongst friends. “There is the other problem though,” he said reluctantly, “which is there might be someone I should invite, or who might feel hurt if I go with you.” “What? Who?” Rarity asked, wondering if that ‘someone’ might also help with Joe’s boots. “Do tell!” “No,” said Joe flatly. “I don’t know what the situation is with her…” “Which is why you said ‘might’?” “She might want to remain the friends that we are, or she might want to add romance, or she might be as confused as I am…” Joe shook his head. “Or confused at least, not sure she can be as confused as I am. But until things are settled I’m not talking.” “Spoilsport.” “And until then I don’t know if I should invite her,” Joe continued. “It could feel like I was trying to push her decision if she took it as a date rather than just a friendly invitation.” “Hmm,” mused Rarity, “which begs the question, how are you taking my inviting you? As if I was trying to push you?” “I was taking it as friendly, especially since you said Spike was welcome, but if you had meant it romantically…” “I hadn’t,” said Rarity, not sure if that was entirely the truth. There were certainly worse males around than Joe and if he got on well with Fancy Pants and at the formal occasion then he’d seem even better. Though she doubted he’d seem enough better that her feelings for him would change. “Good,” Joe replied. Then he sighed. “Which sounds a bit blunt, but I’d had one surprise where I found I had misjudged or missed things…” “I understand, darling, you’re just relieved that I made things clear.” “There’s that and… before the surprise I’d have assumed it was friendly,” Joe admitted, “but now I’m less sure of my judgement and, since I do have the unsettled situation, I also have more reason to try to avoid another surprise.” “So,” said Rarity, “you were saying that if I had meant it romantically?” “Oh yes, if you had, which you hadn’t, then I’d have not taken it as pushing. Or not in the same way as all it would be pushing would be the feelings to see what they are.” Rarity nodded and then looked at Joe. “I respect that you are not wanting to pressure your ‘someone’,” she said, “and that both of you might need time to talk things through, or think your own feelings through, but I will need to know by the day before the event so I can tell Fancy Pants how many to expect.” “Yourself and Spike certainly, if you and he would enjoy it,” Joe replied, “no need for my uncertainty to prevent you going…” “It would be nicer with you there… I do want to show off that suit after all.” “Understandable as it is such exquisite work, and I will try to let you know by the end of the day before tomorrow, a couple of days before the event.” “Thank you Joe.” “Now,” Joe sighed, “I’d better get changed out of the exquisite work, may I leave this here until tomorrow or the day after when I bring the other clothes in?” “Of course.” “Thank you. Depends how well the clothes have dried on the line…” “And if you’ve been able to speak to your ‘someone’?” Rarity teased. “Even though you and Opalescence would tolerate the extra visit I’d rather be able to let you know next time I see you.”