The sun was still quite low in the sky as Joe relaxed on his porch with a book and hoped today would go as well as the day before. He’d managed to help out at Sweet Apple Acres, with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and at the Golden Oaks Library and had the chance to talk about something he was interested in. Then had an enjoyable meal and conversation before his nightly routine and a good night’s sleep. So far, despite his concerns, he’d not even suffered from eating the tougher vegetation. So a good day and, after his talk with Twilight Sparkle the day before, he felt happy enough about ‘risking’ a visit to the library to return a book that he’d decided to finish it this morning.
“Are you an egghead?” a bemused voice asked.
“Actually… yes,” Joe replied, sitting up a little and smiling to Rainbow Dash, noting the panniers she was wearing. “I’m not a genius like Twilight Sparkle though, and I’m not studying at the moment.”
“Daring Do?” said Rainbow Dash as Joe showed her the cover of the book. “You like Daring Do books?”
“I find them comforting.”
“Comforting?” exclaimed Rainbow Dash, looking even more baffled.
“Oh, they are exciting books,” Joe reassured her, easing her bafflement, “but there are a lot of strange coincidences and parallels in this world to my own, so it’s nice to find one I can just enjoy. That we both have the idea of the explorer adventurer archaeologist, though I’d tend towards the carefully survey and excavate school of thought.” He gave Rainbow Dash a wink. “Though I admit several months of making notes and drawings of every carving and the mechanisms of the traps and the construction of the ancient temple would flow less excitingly on the page.”
“Oh yeah!” agreed Rainbow Dash. “That’s putting it mildly.”
Joe shut the book but left it in his lap. “Do you want to sit down Dash?”
“I’m not sure I should,” Rainbow Dash teased, “I’ve heard about you and scritching the ears of mares who visit you alone.”
“Alas, betrayed by gossip as well as my hand,” smiled Joe, “but in my defence I was not very awake and was habit to provide such service when a chin was placed on my thigh.”
“You look awake enough at the moment, but I think I’ll sit more out of reach.”
Rainbow Dash reached round with her head to release her panniers. As those slid off her onto the porch decking there was quite a thud and a clank from within them of metal against metal. Joe raised his eyebrows briefly in surprise at this as Rainbow Dash settled onto the other set of cushions, that were getting a lot more use this past week than they’d done before.
“Scootaloo almost pounced on Twi,” Rainbow Dash commented, “barely got back to the library before she was quizzing her about flying machines, you been talking to her about those?”
“Yesterday, when Big Macintosh asked me to see what they were up to, I found the Cutie Mark Crusaders discussing Cutie Marks for skydiving.”
“Skydiving?” Rainbow Dash repeated. “I got my Cutie Mark for diving out of the sky, but that was because I did a Sonic Rainboom, and that was awesome!”
“And if you jump from high enough you can go supersonic, even without being a talented Pegasus.”
“Psh’yeah, right.”
“Been done. Had to take a balloon up high enough that without a special suit the man would have died, but he did break the speed of sound in his dive.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. But just a sonic boom rather than a Rainboom, though if a human machine leaves a vapour trail at the right angle, from exhaust or wings, then there can be a rainbow there.”
“Not as awesome as the one I leave, and especially not as awesome as my Sonic Rainboom though?”
“A lot fainter and less spectacular than your trail, and as your Rainboom is even better that would further outclass those.”
“Of course,” nodded Rainbow Dash, her brief moment of concern that something might outshine her passing,
“In any case after Scootaloo protested that humans didn’t have wings, and I pointed out neither did Apple Bloom or Sweetie Belle,” Joe continued, “we got onto parachutes, I mentioned being towed along under one or having a motor on your back…”
“Which Scootaloo wouldn’t need.”
“But which we agreed would be embarrassing as the parachute would show she needed the extra help.”
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash winced. “I remember at flight school these three colts and how they bullied and mocked Fluttershy.”
“That… seems both weak and stupid,” frowned Joe. “Weak because she is so shy and quiet, though she does have that inner core of steel, and stupid because I expect she was pretty then as well.” He paused and mused. “Though if Ponies are like humans then she might have been going through a stage.”
“She’s a little older than the rest of us, so she was rather leggy,” Rainbow Dash admitted, “but the same three colts decided to try the same nonsense when we went to the Best Young Flier competition.”
“Hrm,” growled Joe. “And right to call them colts rather than stallions if they hadn’t grown up.”
“We ignored them,” Rainbow Dash smiled, “and then I ignored them after I won.”
“Not diplomatic, but probably satisfying. And if they’d not the wit to change their attitude with the years that had passed and that you had both helped save Equestria and were holders of Elements of Harmony then I doubt words would have availed much.”
“Sonic Rainboom and saving Rarity and the three Wonderbolts worked.”
“If it hadn’t Dash then I’d wonder how they managed to form words with so little brain.”
“Seems an effort for them,” Rainbow Dash winked. “But after you agreed para-whatsitting would be embarrassing for Scoots, what then?”
“We talked about a parachute to carry all three of them, whether to attach that to a cart rather than a triple harness, and then Angel Bunny arrived as I suggested going one step further to a Microlight.”
“You mentioned those to me, keeping things simple for fun… wait, Angel Bunny arrived?”
“And blew a raspberry as a hello.”
“I told Spike he needed to critter-proof the library.”
“That he admitted,” Joe smiled, “though sounds like he didn’t admit that Angel had made his own way to the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse.”
“Can you imagine how Fluttershy would have reacted?”
“Yes. So I’ll not say to her that when I found Spike he was searching. I was fortunate I had Winona with me to track Spike down.” Rainbow Dash nodded to this and they sat for a few moments before Joe spoke again and changed the subject. “I am glad that things turned out well, in the end, in the Crystal Empire.”
“How do you know that?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“I had dinner with Applejack last night…”
“Oh.”
“…as I was still at Sweet Apple Acres when she and Apple Bloom got back, so they set an extra place for their family meal and she told us the story.”
“Oh!”
Joe blinked at the two contrasting ‘oh’s and a very faint suspicion tried to wave feeble arms for attention at the back of his mind. His attention however was on how Rainbow Dash had slumped slightly and how the silence did not feel comfortable this time. The blue Pegasus seemed to be struggling with something as she looked down and to one side, but then she looked at Joe again.
“I nearly blew it,” sighed Rainbow Dash.
“It sounded more like bad luck with the hair stylist and the early arrival,” Joe disagreed. Thinking overnight it had seemed that if Princess Cadance had been there to meet her the other Pony would have been surprised enough sooner for them to realise the mistake, and if the games inspector hadn’t been taking the earlier train there’d not have been the coincidence of flowery luggage.
“No, I nearly blew it,” repeated Rainbow Dash.
“I don’t see how,” Joe said, shaking his head, “not from what Applejack said.”
Rainbow Dash was looking and sounding very unhappy so Joe put his book to one side and leaned across, almost lying down to reach, and patted her reassuringly on her left shoulder. She leant into the patting and turned her head a little, resting her chin briefly against the back of his hand. Then she gave Joe a weak smile.
“Actually,” Rainbow Dash said slowly, “I don’t want ear scritching, but if you can restrain yourself I could do with a bit of a hug.”
“I’ll be a gentleman,” nodded Joe reassuringly.
Joe scooted across, having to sit on the bare boards next to Rainbow Dash’s cushion nest, and she shifted position to settle against him, his right arm draped across her shoulders and her chin resting on his right knee. After a moment she unfurled her left wing to press it lightly against his back and return the hug that way. Joe gave her a slight squeeze and patted her right shoulder, and waited for her to gather her thoughts.
“Thanks,” Rainbow Dash said. She paused and then went on. “I don’t know how much you know about the Equestria Games…”
“I know they are a big sporting event,” said Joe as Rainbow Dash’s voice trailed off. “Cities take it in turn to host them, and it’s another thing where humans have something similar so I have to be careful to not assume it is too similar.”
Rainbow Dash nodded, as much as she could when her chin was on a human knee. “When I was a filly in Cloudsdale we had a chance to host them, and I still remember the disappointment of them going to Fillydelphia instead,” she said sadly, “so I was so determined the Crystal Ponies would not have that same disappointment. Not after they were lost for a thousand years.”
“You have a good heart.”
“I knew the inspector would be paying attention to every detail,” Rainbow Dash went on, ignoring Joe’s compliment, “and would want to check everything.”
“You were determined the Crystal Ponies would not be disappointed,” nodded Joe, “and the games inspector would be determined the games would not be a disappointment from a poor host.”
“Are you saying something about Cloudsdale?” Rainbow Dash asked, raising her head from his knee to turn it and give Joe a challenging look.
“I am sure your home city would have done a good job,” said Joe, not meeting the challenge. “Or even an excellent job. Would have been a hair’s breadth of difference between the bidding cities.”
“I don’t think you understand how much it meant to me that we didn’t get the games,” Rainbow Dash sighed, resting her head again.
“I don’t think I do,” admitted Joe, giving her another consoling squeeze across the shoulders. “But I’m sorry it still hurts.”
Rainbow Dash took another moment. “So I was determined that whatever the games inspector did we should not lose our cool,” she continued, “she might be acting strangely but that was just to test us, we had to roll with it and play along no matter what.”
“Is that why you said you nearly blew it?”
“The others seemed suspicious, this Pony was so surprised by us welcoming her, but I kept telling them it was all an act to catch us off guard.”
“I think you are being too harsh on yourself. Applejack mentioned it was not until you’d all met Shining Armour that Twilight Sparkle actually asked that Pony if she was the games inspector.”
“Did AJ mention ‘that Pony’ started making up to Shining?”
“That she didn’t mention,” Joe chuckled.
“And Twi might have realised and asked sooner but, after our welcome routine, she went to check on Rarity and Princess Cadance…”
“I’m glad you could still do your routine with Rarity busy at the spa.”
“And then Twi went to try to get Shining when she saw the tour that Pinkie Pie was giving of the castle…”
“It was Pinkie doing it?” Joe exclaimed. Then he closed his eyes and sighed. “Sorry, that sounded unfair to…”
“No, was quite fair,” replied Rainbow Dash. “I’d suggested a tour, but then we got to a big round room and Pinkie started saying how it was big and round and known for its roundness.”
“A rotunda?”
“Shame you weren’t there, you might have known what neo-gothic meant as well.”
“I’m not sure,” Joe admitted. “I know what a rotunda is, I used to be more rotund, and can recognise a few architectural styles but…”
“But at least you’d have not begun pulling faces at the Pony as if she was one of the baby Cake twins.”
“No… I don’t think I’d have done that. Or at least I never did when I gave castle tours.”
“While Twi went to find her brother I took over the tour. The Pony was still wanting to stretch her legs so I suggested we found the castle Gymnasium… why did you just chuckle?”
“Sorry, I’m still not sure if we speak the same language or if some sort of translation spell. But to me the original meaning of that word was ‘place of naked exercise’ and it struck me that you are all naked.”
“The athletes outside weren’t,” Dash said, managing to give Joe a smile, “as we found when the search for the Gymnasium took us to the covered walkway down to the sports arena instead.”
“Applejack mentioned the track invasion.”
“Shining Armour started asking what she was doing and saying to make her stop, and I told him she was the games inspector and to let her continue…”
“Wait,” Joe interrupted, “Shining Armour was there and he didn’t just act? He’s the former Captain of the Equestria Royal Guard and he saw a strange Pony getting in the way of his athletes and he didn’t deal with it?”
“What was he supposed to do?”
“Unicorn magic? He’s powerful enough to put a barrier around the whole of Canterlot,” Joe replied. “Or he could just shout, though I admit that’s normally the job of the Sergeants in the armies I am familiar with.” Rainbow Dash just looked at Joe so he drew in a deep breath and bellowed. “You there! What in the name of Discord’s testicles do you think you are up to? Get off the track now!”
Rainbow Dash winced at the volume. “That might have worked… ‘the name of Discord’s testicles’ though?”
“She was causing chaos,” Joe shrugged, “so it seemed an apt local curse.”
“Just glad he didn’t come to complain about you taking his testicles in vain.”
“Let’s talk about yesterday rather than those,” Joe smiled, waving his left hand dismissively.
“Well,” sighed Rainbow Dash, “they had pots decorating the jumps and she managed to get one on her head, which really panicked her and she ran off. I managed to catch up with her but when my hooves closed on the pot she stopped dead, which threw my balance off and put my flight out of control.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah, I crashed,” Rainbow Dash admitted, deciding to not mention it was like a bird on a window pane. “By the time I got back the others had caught up and it might have been fortunate Shining Armour hadn’t shouted at that Pony.”
“It could have saved you the crash.”
“True, but it might have discouraged her from flirting with him…” Rainbow Dash lifted and tilted her head to look up at Joe through her eyelashes. “She said she ain’t never met a real Prince before.” Then Rainbow Dash fluttered her eyelashes. “Flutter flutter, oh my.”
“Subtle, and careful with those Dash or you might seduce me into ear scritches,” grinned Joe. “Besides unless Twilight has a secret that Pony still hadn’t met a real Prince, or not one of the Blood rather than only through Marriage.”
“He seemed real enough for her,” Rainbow Dash replied, dropping her chin back down, “but when he got embarrassed and said he was sure she met Princes all the time in her line of work she was so surprised at the idea that this was when Twi asked her if she was the games inspector.”
“And you rushed back to the train station, found her gone…”
“And Pinkie said the worse place for the games inspector to be would be at the spa, so of course that was where she was and where I had to admit the mistake I’d made…”
“Or as Applejack put it,” Joe said firmly, “the mistake ‘we’d made’. I’ll not say that telling the others it was all a test wouldn’t have made it harder for them to realise you had the wrong Pony, but plenty of blame to go around.”
“Maybe,” admitted Rainbow Dash, “but we were still lucky.”
“Very lucky,” Joe agreed, “if the other Pony had been less pleased with her welcome, or if she’d not gone to the Spa, or if she wasn’t friendly and chatty enough to tell the games inspector about it all. Thankfully whatever else you’d done you’d made it a special day for that Pony and your efforts had been appreciated and were rewarded.”
“And we made it a special day for a lot of other Ponies,” smiled Rainbow Dash, “when Princess Cadance made the announcement that the Games had been awarded to the Crystal Empire.”
“A fine day’s work,” Joe nodded, deciding to not comment that also made it a memorable day for even more ponies, the ones in the other competing cities.
Rainbow Dash snuggled a little closer, Joe wasn’t as large as a real stallion but he was reassuringly solid. “I’m sorry you weren’t there Joe,” she said, adding a moment later, “I mean you or Spike or both of you.”
“It was strange Spike wasn’t invited,” Joe nodded, “and we might have been able to arrange things so only one of us was pet sitting. I’d have had to make it only the morning at Sweet Apple Acres though whether I was letting Spike look after Winona or whether I’d attempted the pet sitting duties. But he wanted to earn the gems for the ones he’d agreed to look after and I’d already agreed to look after Winona and did have the chores I could be doing while I was.”
They sat for a few minutes in silence, enjoying the day and the company. As much as Rainbow Dash enjoyed displaying her speed and as frantic as she’d felt about being confined in the hospital for the few days she also enjoyed napping on clouds and in trees so taking a break from being awesome for a while was not unwelcome. Joe meanwhile was becoming concerned. He’d heard of Rainbow Dash’s tendency to nap and although he was not inclined towards cramp he did worry that she might fall asleep and him have to disturb her due to that or the hard planks under his rear becoming too uncomfortable.
“So,” said Rainbow Dash finally, “what was the similar thing? That you humans have to the Equestria Games.”
“Thousands of years ago,” Joe replied, “the people whose language, and culture, we get the word and idea Gymnasium from thought to honour their Gods by athletic events, their city-states competing against each other. As their Gods lived on Mount Olympus they called them the Olympic Games. Accounts of this survived and about a century and a quarter ago the idea was revived, with a lot of differences but the same name and even some of the same events.” Joe gave Rainbow Dash a smile. “Run fast, run long way, jump far, jump high, lift thing, and throw thing aren’t the sort of contests that go out of style.”
“Differences though?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“I don’t think the Ancient Olympics were held as often as every four years, they were closer focussed on athletics rather than having other sports, and like in their training in their Gymnasiums they competed naked,” Joe replied. “And were men only, both to compete and watch, rather than women being allowed.”
“Hah, they just knew they’d get shown up if they let the females compete!”
“I’ll not argue, though I would say men and women still compete separately in most human sports,” Joe paused and frowned. “Which does make me wonder about your Equestria Games and if I should be thinking of the Paralympics.”
“Honouring Gods of Mount Paralympus?”
Joe smiled. “Good thought, but is the Olympics for disabled people, such as those with spinal injuries who have been paralysed. Started out more as rehabilitation and then as a display to show what could still be accomplished, and is now a major sporting event in its own right. So these days they don’t like it being referred to as the Olympics for disabled people, though I didn’t mean anything derogatory by that.”
“What’s it got to do with the Equestria Games though?”
“Olympics have men’s events and women’s events, but you have Stallions and Mares of Earth Ponies, Unicorns, and Pegasi. Having six separate events for each discipline or sport seems a bit unwieldy so I wondered if it was like the Paralympics where they compete together but there are different classifications for the competitors within the events, depending on how their problem would affect their performance at that.”
Rainbow Dash raised her head a little from Joe’s knee and slowly nodded. “I can understand why you’d be thinking that, I remember AJ accusing me of cheating because I was using my wings…”
“That seems a bit unfair,” Joe commented, getting a frown from Rainbow Dash, as she settled again, before he continued and she realised he meant the accusation rather than the use of wings. “As I understand it she gets extra strength and stamina from being an Earth Pony, and even if she didn’t you’re still having to carry around the weight of your wings and flight muscles. So unless she’d already been handicapped to reflect this…”
“She hadn’t.”
“Then I am not sure why she’d complain, you both have advantages and disadvantages and events that would suit you better. Not be much point in Earth Ponies or Unicorns competing against Pegasi in a jumping event… though I suppose if you were limited to one flap at the moment of take-off, rather than being allowed to take full flight, that would make it less pointless…”
Rainbow Dash decided to not mention the long jump in the Iron Pony contest and having flown about two pony lengths at the last moment to land just ahead of, rather than just behind, Applejack’s mark. “We’ve got everything pretty well organised,” she said instead, “deal with things like that by…”
Joe nodded and smiled and asked what he hoped were reasonable questions as Rainbow Dash began telling him about the history of the Equestria Games with all the detail and enthusiasm of a true aficionado. Naturally this meant he had to go into as much detail as he could on the Olympics and equally naturally that meant the wing gently pressing against him shifted and gave him a whack in the small of his back when he mentioned the Equestrian Events. Rainbow Dash was not too impressed by the distances and times, though she accepted Joe’s word for how much difference the lack of magic made. Though they weren’t part of the Olympics Joe also, defensively, mentioned Ultra-Marathons and she agreed, politely, that those distances would be impressive even with magic.
The conversation became quite complex as they mentioned events and then had to explain how that was possible or what they meant. Joe was surprised at the idea of Ponies on Ice Skates and Rainbow Dash thought bicycles sounded bizarre, though Pinkie Pie did have a similar foot crank system for the flying machine she’d brought out for Gilda's visit. Mention of the Winter Olympics allowed them to agree that if Pegasi were allowed to flap or extend their wings to glide position Ski Jumping would be pointless and wings could be an advantage for balance and steering in the Downhill events. But then in talking about the cross country skiing events, and if Pegasi could buzz along like Scootaloo, Joe made the mistake of mentioning the Biathlon.
“So, skiing and shooting?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Yep,” agreed Joe, hoping this wasn’t where he had to explain what a gun was. He’d managed to avoid mentioning the shooting events in the Olympics and even the Modern Pentathlon with its one section, so this was an annoying slip.
“That reminds me of why I came here,” Rainbow Dash continued, “had something to show you at your archery target.”
“Oh?” asked Joe, relieved she seemed to think the shooting was arrows. “Would that be the things that clanked in your panniers?”
“Yep,” Rainbow Dash said, echoing Joe in her agreement.
“Well, I would investigate,” smiled Joe, “but I am feeling rather comfy. Do you want to go to the archery target now though Dash?”
“As you say, this is rather comfy,” Rainbow Dash smiled back.
There was another few minutes of companionable silence before once more that was broken by Rainbow Dash.
“So,” Rainbow Dash said, nodding towards the book, “you like Daring Do?”
“A fast brave intelligent Pegasus, reminds me of someone.”
“Just because I let you hug me doesn’t mean you have to ladle on the flattery…”
“I meant Fluttershy…” Joe managed to say before Rainbow Dash raised her head from his knee and butted it backwards into his gut.
“That was part for teasing me,” warned Rainbow Dash as Joe regained his breath, “and part for teasing Fluttershy.”
“Well, she is intelligent,” Joe smiled, “she knows a lot about the natural world, and she works to overcome her fears so she is brave.”
“You had better believe it,” said Rainbow Dash, giving him a mock glower before she settled her chin back down.
“Though with you I am reminded of a story,” Joe chuckled, “was a human with immense powers, well technically he wasn’t a human but he looked the same and had been raised and was living amongst them, and in the identity he took when not performing acts of heroism he was a journalist and novelist…”
“Why would I remind you of that?”
“In one of the stories of this hero they had parallels between what he was doing and what he’d written in his latest novel,” Joe continued. “The people in the story could have been excused for thinking the novel’s hero had a degree of wish fulfilment for the novelist, but what you knew was that the novelist was actually far stronger than the hero he’d written about.”
“Are you going to accuse me of writing the Daring Do books?” Rainbow Dash asked, giving Joe a puzzled look, though not moving her chin.
“No, but I would say there’s not much either way between you and her if you had.”
Rainbow Dash blushed slightly. She knew she was awesome but she also thought Daring Do was utterly awesome, so the casual compliment had managed to get under her fur.
“The only problem I have with the Daring Do books is remembering she’s a Pegasus,” Joe continued.
“She doesn’t get her wing hurt that often,” protested Rainbow Dash.
“Not what I meant,” Joe chuckled, “though I agree things could be simpler if she could always fly.”
“What did you mean then?” asked Rainbow Dash, then she had a sudden flash of insight. “Oh! Remembering she is a Pony rather than a mare-human?”
Joe sighed. “Even when someone is pictured on the front cover you can still visualise them differently when reading. Or get used to ignoring that, one series of books I enjoy the author consistently describes the heroine one way and the cover artist, or artists, consistently picture her another.”
“But I bet they don’t picture her as a Pony rather than a human,” Rainbow Dash smiled.
“Not that differently, no. Though I might know what she looks like as a fish.”
“A… fish?”
“There’s an actress who I think looks very like the character in the book,” Joe explained, “and there was an animated film she supplied her voice for where they made the characters look a lot like their voice-actors.”
“Weird,” said Rainbow Dash. She shook her head slightly, tickling Joe’s knee with her chin a little. “So, what do you think Daring Do looks like?”
“I think she looks like she does on the covers, they seem accurate,” Joe replied, “it’s just sometimes I am reading along and feel a bump when hooves or wings are mentioned.”
“Okay, what do you feel Daring Do looks like? Before you feel the bump?”
Joe took a breath and thought. “I’m not really sure,” he admitted. “Probably not like the actress I mentioned, though she played a similar role in some films and that might have been why she and the book character came to mind. But a human archaeologist would be wearing a shirt, could be wearing a Pith Helmet, and human skin can be the same sort of brown as Daring Do’s fur so slipping sometimes is not that strange.”
“What…” Rainbow Dash began, then hesitated, then started again. “What do you feel I look like?”
“Pardon? Have you been talking to Spike?”
“Spike? Why?”
“After we went to the Diamond Dogs I’d had a really bad night’s sleep, some very strange dreams I couldn’t remember, so I was very tired when he came to apologise for dropping me in it. I’d closed my eyes and I commented that while I had them closed and was just listening to his voice I could ignore he was a small Dragon rather than a young human.”
“And if you closed your eyes now?”
Joe smiled to her, trying to be reassuring. “There are some very pretty female athletes and even if we’d not been talking of athletics and games I’d have said I think you’d look like that. Long distance runners, either men or women, can be rather slight and Sprinters or Throwers rather bulky, but medium distance runners or Heptathletes…”
“Heptathletes?”
“Ladies that do a discipline with seven events, combination of jumping and running and throwing so they have to balance strength and endurance and that seems to describe you. So I think you’d have the same sort of slender but strong and agile build, especially since Rarity mentioned having to design dresses for you that did not detract from how well you move as an athlete.”
“Do I want to know how you’d describe the others?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking a little embarrassed.
“I’d only be describing them as they are,” replied Joe, “Pinkie Pie would be quite curvy and cuddly, Rarity would be elegant and either tall or with the sort of poise that can make someone appear taller, Applejack a little taller and more muscular than you…”
“I beat her at hoof wrestling!” Rainbow Dash protested.
“Hmm,” mused Joe, “it still feels like she is built more for strength and you for speed, though more as if you were two Heptathletes with different best events rather than two athletes with different specialties.”
Rainbow Dash gave Joe another look and then admitted, to herself if not to him, that did sound fair. Applejack had beaten her at the bale-toss, the ball kick, and kicking the target. Applejack had been winning the tug-of-war as well until she took to the sky and by lifting upwards first denied her friend’s hooves as much purchase on the ground and then managed to dangle her from the other end of the rope. Rather than argue or comment Rainbow Dash folded her left wing back to her side and stood.
“You want me to carry the panniers?” Joe asked, flexing his thigh now that knee was no longer being used as a cushion.
“You just want to peek inside them,” smiled Rainbow Dash.
“I can carry them without doing that,” Joe reassured her, standing as he spoke.
“Nah, go ahead.”
“Sure,” Joe nodded, “do you want me to bring my bow and arrows or anything?”
“No.”
“Okay,” Joe nodded again. He picked up the panniers and decided he would look inside, his curiosity could be controlled for the short walk but it seemed better to check if he did need to bring something else. “Ah.”
Joe reached into the pannier bag he’d opened and pulled out one of the three darts inside. As the panniers felt balanced he assumed there was another three in the other bag but he didn’t bother to check. Instead he weighed and felt the dart in his hand, it did look like his arrows but although it was only about two thirds the length it was at least twice as thick. The head was larger in proportion as well, like the difference between his stabbing spear and a thrusting one, and looking at the other end of the shaft it looked as if that had been drilled into and given extra weight, possibly lead as was done with walking sticks, to balance that larger head.
“I think this is about the right size and shape,” Joe commented to the watching Rainbow Dash, “though it’s too well balanced for a Plumbata.”
“Too well balanced?”
“Plumbata weren’t thrown directly at a target, more upwards,” Joe continued as he slung the strap of the panniers over his left shoulder. “Some debate whether overarm or underarm,” he added, demonstrating the motions as he started to walk, “and they were deliberately nose heavy as they were soldiers’ weapons.”
Rainbow Dash took off to assume what was becoming a normal position, flying with a wing behind Joe’s back so their eyes were level. “I don’t follow.”
“You are following.”
“Ha-hah.”
“Okay, imagine a line of humans, short swords, armour similar in some ways to mine, and all with large shields, forming a barrier… a shield wall. Against them are other humans, sometimes as disciplined but more often fighting as individuals.”
“Right,” said Rainbow Dash, surprised Joe was volunteering information.
“Behind the line forming the shield wall are other lines of humans and those in the second rank, on the word of command, all cast their Plumbata up and over the first rank to come down on the enemy the shield wall is holding back. Or rather on the men behind the men who are being held back, and stabbed, by the first rank.”
“Ouch.”
“Or they could be thrown at longer range, they were carried clipped to the inside of the shield so it was possible with enough training and experience for the soldiers to cast a volley and then draw their short stabbing swords and form the shield wall. In either case the individual accuracy was unimportant as they were…”
Joe suddenly stopped talking as he realised what he was doing. He’d said while carrying Rainbow Dash piggy-back that the more he said the more he might be drawn into tales they’d not appreciate and here he was proving that. They’d had the pleasant conversations about her visit to the Crystal Empire and about sports in general and that had relaxed him enough to chat about his mental images, and that had relaxed him enough to start yapping on about military tactics and killing.
Rainbow Dash soared up and twisted in midair to be flying backwards in front in Joe, and gave him a smile. “It’s okay,” she reassured him, “finish what you were going to say.”
“Erm,” Joe said, not sure at all that it was okay, but not wanting to be rude. “As… as they were thrown in a general direction rather than the soldier aiming for a target, so although it could affect their accuracy they were made nose heavy to ensure they’d come down point first.”
To Joe’s relief that seemed to satisfy Rainbow Dash and she resumed formation on his port aft quarter. Glancing to his left some of his relief vanished as he saw that she was looking thoughtful and he wondered what was going through her mind. She remained quiet though until they reached the target and Joe put her panniers down.
“How well would Ponies do against those humans?”
“They… er, what?” Joe blinked in surprise. That had not been a question he’d expected.
“If it came to it, how well would we do fighting against them?” repeated Rainbow Dash, circling again to look Joe in the face.
Joe blinked a few more times. “Well, they were not… er.”
He closed his eyes for a moment as he got some very unhappy images of how those people, and many other peoples, would have treated the Ponies even if they’d only treated them as badly as they had other humans. Then Joe’s eyes opened in surprise as he realised the answer to the actual question.
“You might be able to emulate one of their worst defeats.”
“Really?” asked Rainbow Dash, before she recovered. “I mean, of course we could, no need to sound so shocked.”
“I think they were still using Pilums,” Joe went on, thinking things through rather than thinking if he should be saying them, “light spears for throwing and stabbing, and there’d been a few other changes between that battle and when they started using Plumbata but close enough for the comparison. They’d not have much defence against Pegasi dropping things on them…”
“Talk!” commanded Rainbow Dash, prodding Joe with a hoof as he hesitated.
“Well, erm, even without that the Unicorns and Earth Ponies might win. One thing a human can do from horseback is use a bow and there was a deadly combination of those with armoured horses carrying armoured men with lances. The humans with the shields couldn’t drive off the bowmen without breaking formation and being charged and crushed by the lancers, and though the bows were relatively small they were powerful.”
“So they were being killed by arrows if they stayed put and killed by lances if they didn’t?”
“Ah, yes,” Joe agreed, unhappily torn between wanting to talk about the tactics and not wanting to talk about anything like that with anypony. “So if the Unicorns could blast them with magic…”
“Got ya,” interrupted Rainbow Dash. “Pegasi dropping things on them, Unicorns breaking their ranks with magic like the bow-humans would with arrows, and Earth Ponies charging and trampling or lancing them.”
Joe nodded. “Who’d win the second battle would depend on the range of Unicorn magic though,” he said, deciding that if he’d been stupid enough to have this conversation he should give his full opinion, “and if they’d been smart enough to bring more archers than normal to return arrows for magic against them and against whatever the Pegasi were dropping.”
“And if we were dumb enough to use the same tactics again.”
“There is that,” Joe nodded again. Seeking an escape he waved the dart he was still holding in his hand in the direction of his target. “May I?”
“Sure,” smiled Rainbow Dash, side-slipping away to land near her panniers.
Joe took a few steps to where he stood when he was practicing archery at close range. He took a deep breath and then wound up, twisting at his waist and leaning back as he brought his arm behind him. Then Joe took one step forward as he uncoiled. Rainbow Dash shook her head to herself as she saw this and why Joe had talked about arm speed rather than strength, and how much of his body he could put into the throw. He wasn’t the only one who could ‘translate’ and she smiled as she decided that was impressive enough that though he’d not be as imposing as Big Macintosh he’d probably be a quite well built stallion.
“I can see why you said humans were good at throwing,” Rainbow Dash commented, seeing how well embedded the dart was.
“Eh?” said Joe. He looked at the target and then back to her and then back at the target where the dart was well off to one side.
“Never mind,” Rainbow Dash said, suppressing a giggle at Joe’s puzzled expression. “How fast do you think that was compared with me?”
“Ah…” mused Joe, a small part of his mind chiding the rest for how often he’d said ‘um’ and ‘ah’ and ‘erm’. “There are some games where a human throws a ball to be hit with a bat… a stick I mean, not the animal… and fast deliveries might get to an eighth or ninth your speed…”
“I could make it hit eighth or ninth times harder than that?”
“Ah, no,” Joe chuckled, the small part of his mind wincing at yet another “ah”.
“No?” frowned Rainbow Dash.
“I’m not sure how fast I managed,” Joe admitted, “got the advantage of magic but they’d have the advantage of practice, and I don’t know how much difference it makes that I was throwing a dart. So for one thing, I’ll be generous to myself and say I got to two-thirds or three-quarters their speed, you dropping it would more like twelve times the speed, even if you were comfortably sub-sonic…”
“And for another thing?” asked Rainbow Dash, interrupting the meandering sentence.
“And for another thing Kinetic Energy equals one-half of mass times velocity squared. Double the size of the projectile and double the impact. Double the speed of it and quadruple that.”
“Twelve times twelve?” Rainbow Dash said, her eyes going a little wide. “A hundred and forty four? I have got to try this!”
“Let me get the dart out of the target,” smiled Joe, adding, “and step back a good long way.”
“Sure!” Rainbow Dash replied excitedly. She took two darts out of the pannier bag Joe hadn’t opened. Then she bit her lower lip as she took off again and a thought occurred. “Erm, Joe…”
“Yes?”
“What’s going to happen to your target?”
“I’m going to need a new one if you hit it, which I expect you will,” Joe replied calmly as he moved away from the target, the dart in his left hand. Rainbow Dash looked at him and, thinking she doubted his estimate of the damage, he continued. “Put it this way, humans have armoured vehicles and one way of piercing their armour which is this thick…” He held his thumb and forefinger up so their tips were almost as far apart as they could be. “And made of layers of very strong metals and composites is propelling a solid metal dart through it at supersonic speeds.”
“Whoa!”
“At a guess,” Joe continued, “you’ll get about two-thirds the speed and these darts are a lot lighter, so…” He paused and wished for a calculator. “A tenth the impact? Or a fifth if you are going to drop both of those and they both strike my target.”
Rainbow Dash looked at the darts she was holding, one in each forehoof as she hovered, and then at the target and at Joe. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“Go for it Dash,” Joe smiled. “I’m almost as interested to see the effects as you are.”
Rainbow Dash gave Joe one last look to make sure he was sure and then spiralled upwards to gain distance and altitude. Seeing that she was not going to skimp on her run in Joe moved even further back from the target. Rainbow Dash was still visible as a shape rather than a dot but then became a rainbow streak as she dove at about forty-five degrees to gain speed. Lower than Joe expected she levelled out to more like ten or twenty degrees and then everything seemed to happen at once. Rainbow Dash released the darts and pulled up, there was a horrible crunching sound and a few fragments pelted Joe, and as he recovered from his flinch he saw the Pegasus continuing and tightening her loop as she slowed.
Joe brushed some debris off himself and walked across as Rainbow Dash rejoined him. His archery target had a hole bitten from either side of it that were taller than the darts were long, would have been broader had the target extended far enough out, and might have overlapped in the middle had the target not split and folded back from the simultaneous impacts. Rainbow Dash silently looked at this for a moment and then dipped into a landing just behind the target to look there. Joe joined her and for a few moments they shared the sight of what looked like a pair of giant molehills or twin entrances to a badger set.
“Good shots,” Joe commented. “Looks like I’ll need to get my shovel or mattock to get your darts back.”
“Whoa,” breathed Rainbow Dash, having managed to impress even herself. “What would that have done to a… or a…” She shook her head.
“Could have been very messy, against whatever you are thinking of,” Joe nodded. “I think it’s been mentioned that you kicked a Dragon in the face?”
“Yes,” replied Rainbow Dash, still staring at the holes and then turning to look at the remains of the target from the back.
“He should be grateful you didn’t give him those in the face.”
Rainbow Dash looked at the target for a moment longer and then turned back to Joe. “…I could have killed Spike.”
“What?” Joe asked, frowning in puzzlement. “It was Spike you kicked?”
“No,” said Rainbow Dash, shaking her head, “but he had a strange growth spurt once when he got greedy. If I’d not known it was him, and if I’d had these darts, and if I’d done this to him…”
“A few ‘ifs’ there,” Joe interrupted, giving her a reassuring smile. “I’m sure you’d have avoided the mistake.”
Rainbow Dash looked back and forth between the ruined target and Joe a few times and then sprang with one powerful beat of her wings. Her forelegs went around Joe’s neck and her lips fastened onto his. Joe reflexively caught her and cradled her rear as she folded her wings down over his arms. This was surprisingly pleasant but, although he was feeling something, nothing was building from it. Rainbow Dash held the kiss a few seconds longer and then leaned back away from Joe, supported by his hands and her forelegs, to look into his face. Seeing how embarrassed she looked Joe tried to look reassuring.
“You want to chalk that up to being excited by what you’d done to the target?” Joe smiled to her. “So your emotions were high from that rather than me?”
Rainbow Dash looked at Joe for a moment, glanced to one side as she thought, and then her blush deepened. “Not really.”
Joe blinked at the rejection of the excuse and wondered if he was misjudging something else for embarrassment. Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and Joe released as she lifted back and away from him to settle and sit on the ground a few feet away. She looked heart-wrenchingly sad and he realised she’d taken the excuse she’d rejected and his silence as being rejection by him of her.
“I was very flattered,” Joe tried again, “and it was nice.”
“Nice,” sighed Rainbow Dash, looking down at the ground.
Taking a couple of steps Joe knelt to take her chin in one hand and gently raise it so he could look into her face. Belatedly he wondered if feelings for him would explain why Rainbow Dash had reacted the way she had when he mentioned having dinner with Applejack.
“Very nice,” Joe said, giving her another smile, “but I just… wasn’t reacting.” Rainbow Dash managed a smile in return but seeing how weak it was Joe decided on even more honesty. “Actually, make that not reacting much. There was some zing.”
Rainbow Dash looked into Joe’s eyes to measure his honesty and satisfied with what she saw she asked the obvious question. “Do you like Mares?”
“If you mean do I like females,” Joe replied carefully, “then yes. If you mean do I like Mares, then…” He sighed. “Then, as I said to Spike, not all my parts have got the message that you are people. I think you are attractive but, as I said, just not reacting as strongly in the other ways.”
Rainbow Dash nodded and then her eyes narrowed in determination. “Sit,” she ordered, raising one forehoof and prodding Joe in the chest.
“What?”
“Lap. Now.”
Mildly intimidated and remembering his thought the other day about what Honey Badgers did to Male Lions, and that this would be a more precise revenge here since those parts of him were some of what had not got the message, Joe sat. Rainbow Dash glared a moment longer and then slid herself down and across into his lap to lie across his right thigh and snuggle against him with her head resting against his chest under his chin. Without thinking Joe rested his right arm down her back to hold her with his hand at her waist and, in return, she extended her right wing to rest on his left knee over the hand there.
“Better,” Rainbow Dash nodded, shifting position to make herself even comfier.
“I’ll admit it feels right, but cosy rather than sexy.”
“What if I looked like the human athlete you pictured?”
“Then it would still be cosy, but with a little more passion.”
“And you’d have reacted to the kiss.”
“And that,” Joe admitted, “thoughts and parts would be agreeing and they’d have agreed before, so I’d have noticed your attractiveness on that level. Though I do think I’d have still been surprised and still been wondering if it was the moment rather than me that sparked it.”
“Hmm.”
They sat for a little while in silence, both with their own thoughts but content to let the other think them and comfortable with the closeness.
“You remember Twilight mentioning that Discord offered to turn me into a Pony?” Joe finally asked.
“Yes?”
“Well, this is the sort of thing where I think it would have changed me in more than my shape. If I was physically a Pony then I think my parts would be responding to a lovely Mare like you, and that is one reason why I thought a Pony-Me would be happier. But also that he would soon not be me with those feelings and other instincts having altered.”
“Do you,” Rainbow Dash began. Then she took a breath. “Do you think those feelings will alter if you remain human?”
“I don’t know,” said Joe, giving her a kiss on top of the head. “I was surprised by my response as well as your kiss, I’d thought it would be more neutral.”
Rainbow Dash came to a decision and looked up at Joe. “Would you kiss me again? Properly?”
Joe hesitated and considered a joke about if kissing her improperly would be more what she seemed to want. Then he lowered his head and their lips met again as he did his best to oblige and to enjoy it himself. But although he liked her and could understand why many would find her very desirable his problem remained and the kiss stopped at being pleasant in itself rather than making him want to do more. It was like firewood that some prankster had treated with flame retardant, smouldering a little but not catching fire properly. Joe pulled back and saw that Rainbow Dash was looking happy, but not as if she’d been swept away by passion.
“You are right, that is nice,” smiled Rainbow Dash before she blushed and looked away. “I don’t think I am having as much trouble as you enjoying it, but it does feel a little weird as well as nice though.”
“Still friends?” Joe asked.
“Still friends,” said Rainbow Dash, snuggling back against him.
This had turned into a confusing day and Joe wasn’t sure where things had gone wrong, or if they had gone wrong. The conversations had been pleasant, the attack-run with the darts had been impressive, and even if they’d not built from there the kisses had edged towards being very pleasant. A day that included a pretty girl in your lap could not be considered a bad one, even if she was a Pegasus. He was still concerned that he’d said too much or been too honest but it was too late to avoid the consequences of that now.
“Is there another Pony?” Rainbow Dash asked suddenly. “Or someone?”
“Pardon?”
“Another Pony or someone who isn’t a Pony,” Rainbow Dash amplified, “someone you’d react more to?”
“I didn’t leave a girlfriend or wife when I was brought here,” replied Joe, deciding to continue to be honest, though it did occur to him that inventing a lost love that he pined for could be a way to avoid this. “And since I’ve been here I’ve… well, I’ve tried to avoid thinking about relationships or loneliness.”
“If you’ve talked about it with Spike you must have given it some thought.”
“Not much. He asked if I liked Rarity when I congratulated him for getting a kiss on the cheek,” Joe said, then he chuckled. “Though as it wasn’t the cheek you kissed me on it seems I might have been missing clues, so he could have got the chance to elbow me in the side and point that out.”
“Yeah,” agreed Rainbow Dash, thinking of Rarity and how beautiful she was, “and you didn’t answer my question if there was someone else here. Someone you’d react more to, especially if they looked human or you got past your ‘problem’?”
“It’s not a simple question, I hadn’t thought I’d react as much to you as I did and I’m not even sure who I am here. My life has been so different I can’t judge things by how they used to be and, as I said, I’ve been avoiding thinking about things how they are.”
Joe fell silent and Rainbow Dash let him think and decide how and whether to answer. She wasn’t too pleased that this was the best Joe could do but he deserved the chance to continue to try to do his best. Even if that needed some work to be good enough.
“I… did feel some spark with you,” Joe said slowly, finally, “and I don’t think I’d feel as much with the other eligible Mares I know.
“Not even if they looked human?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Human or human-enough…”
“‘Human-enough’?”
“When we were going to the Diamond Dogs I mentioned mythological creatures called Werewolves to Spike and Pinkie Pie,” Joe explained, “and those are men or women who could turn into wolves or a hybrid form that can resemble a Diamond Dog, depending on the artist or culture…”
Rainbow Dash nodded against Joe’s chest. “I can see how a Diamond Dog looks a bit like you and a bit like Winona.”
“There are other mythological hybrids,” Joe continued, “and I don’t know how far between looking like you, like a Pony, and looking like a human it would have to be before my parts were convinced. Not that you ponyfolk look completely like ponies from my world, something about your faces and the way you move…”
“Oh,” said Rainbow Dash, noting how Joe had exhaled and ‘corrected’ himself.
Joe sighed. “Put it this way, I know I’d respond to a human girl as attractive as you and I know I’d not be attracted to a horse on my world. And up until you kissed me it had felt like ponyfolk gave me enough of both feelings for them to balance. People but quite horse shaped ones.”
“Neutral, as you said.”
“Yeah, I’m repeating myself a bit. Or a lot.”
“And,” said Rainbow Dash firmly, “you were going to answer my question.”
“I will, but what I was going to say was I already find you attractive enough to have tipped things from neutral, but I’m not sure how much I can adjust. If you were human then no adjustment needed to me, if I was ponyfolk then I’d have been adjusted…”
“I get it,” interrupted Rainbow Dash, wanting the answer to her actual question, “and the more human I looked the less you’d have to adjust.”
“Which doesn’t seem fair on you the more I say it, but there’s just a…” Joe gestured vaguely, “mismatch between what upstairs and downstairs are thinking…”
Rainbow Dash felt baffled for a moment before she realised what humans, being vertical, might mean by that. Humans didn’t have tails so she doubted they’d refer to each other as keeping their brains under those, as with some stallions she had met, or ‘he thinks so much with those you’d think his tail was his mane’.
“But anyway, the only eligible Mares I know are your friends,” Joe pointed out, “so do you really want my opinions on them?”
Rainbow Dash hesitated and then nodded again. “I feel like I need to know.”
“Oh,” Joe replied. That was not the answer he’d hoped for so he needed a moment to be able to continue. “Well, Applejack feels like a sister, so even without my problem I doubt she’d kiss me or I’d react if she did. Or if I did react it would shade towards unease rather than pleasure…”
Rainbow Dash managed to avoid sighing in relief, with the amount of time Joe spent on chores at Sweet Apple Acres and how much more time he spent with Applejack that had been a concern. She hated losing and she especially hated losing to Applejack as she was the only Pony who could compete with her at the things she was good at. They were similar enough that finding Applejack had already won a competition before Rainbow Dash had realised there was one would have been more annoying somehow.
“Rarity did flirt a little while taking my measurements,” Joe continued, “and she is very pretty, but I think I’d be uncomfortable if I thought she was flirting with me more than her normal habit. I reassured Spike that I liked her but didn’t like-like her and that it would take a lot to overcome knowing that Spike feels so strongly about her. Fluttershy I don’t think likes me at all, but even if she did I preferred her when she was annoyed with me and was being more assertive…” He sighed. “I don’t know, I like to think I have a sensitive side, and peace and calm can be nice, but…”
“You’ve thought a lot about Fluttershy,” commented Rainbow Dash.
“I’ve thought about the fact she seemed scared of me,” Joe corrected, “and that it seemed more than her usual shyness. She’s gentle and kind so she’s not the sort of person I want scared of me. But I think I am on reasonable terms with her despite everything, though I still need to be sure and have a conversation not interrupted by Discord or my own tiredness.”
“Twilight? Pinkie?”
“Pinkie I can imagine kissing me through sheer exuberance, but not for any other reason. She’s fun, she makes me laugh and smile, but that’s what she does for everyone and although she does have a quiet side I think it would drive me nuts trying to keep up with her…”
“Hermit in the woods that you are,” teased Rainbow Dash.
“By comparison with her at least,” Joe replied, protesting mildly as he did visit Sweet Apple Acres three times a week and Ponyville at least twice.
“Finish what you were saying about Pinkie.”
“Nothing else to say… yeek!”
Rainbow Dash started twitching her right wing so a feather or two of it tickled the back of Joe’s left hand under it. Joe’s arm twitched but some competitive spirit awoke and rather than withdraw his bare hand, and force Rainbow Dash to work harder to tickle his knee through his trousers, he began instead to wriggle the fingers of his right hand.
“Yeek!” Rainbow Dash echoed as Joe began tickling her waist. After several seconds of this she looked up and gave Joe a grin. “Truce… if you keep talking?”
“Truce,” nodded Joe. The mutual tickling stopped and a moment before Rainbow Dash might have resumed Joe spoke again. “If Twilight Sparkle kissed me I’d be very surprised, she seems interested in my answers to questions rather than in my person, but it comes back to who I am here. I’d have found someone as pretty and as intelligent as her attractive back home, if a little intimidating as she is so brilliant, but… you remember what I looked like when I arrived?”
“Yeah.”
“I’d had a few bad years where I’d overeaten and not got enough exercise, but although I wasn’t taking care of myself I was still doing the ‘egghead’ stuff. Still reading and thinking and writing. Here though I’ve done the opposite, been not being much the ‘egghead’ but managed to regain and then surpass how fit I used to be.”
“So…” Rainbow Dash asked slowly, “Twi is a maybe rather than a no?”
“More of a ‘no’ than a ‘maybe’ I think. Which is the point, I’ve not been thinking but the more time I spend with Twilight and answering her questions the more I have to think and the more I risk things feeling strange as I discover more. She’d want to examine my assumptions…”
“Is that what you call those parts then?” Rainbow Dash said, turning her head and giving Joe a wink, and feeling satisfied with how he almost choked. “I might regret this, but what about me?”
“I like talking to you, I feel at ease in your company, I’ve enjoyed our conversations, and you are attractive,” replied Joe. Seeing she expected more he continued. “You’re determined and strong and quick-witted and confident and capable, do a fine job with the weather team, are brave, and well deserve your status as holder of the Element of Loyalty.”
“Thanks,” Rainbow Dash squeaked, almost sounding like Fluttershy after that barrage of praise.
Joe still wasn’t sure how Ponies managed to blush through their fur but, although she’d turned her head so he could only see the top of it again, he was sure Rainbow Dash was managing that now. “Though listing how many good points you have,” he concluded, “maybe that was part of why I was so surprised you kissed me.”
“Maybe,” Rainbow Dash nodded against his chest, sounding more normal as she overcame the embarrassment and just felt happy that Joe thought she was awesome. Which of course was the simple truth but she was glad he recognised it.
“Enough opinions?”
“Enough.”