//------------------------------// // Chapter 7 // Story: Joe // by JMDARE //------------------------------// Joe was feeling a little harassed and starting to wish good manners had not forbidden him from refusing Twilight Sparkle’s ‘suggestion’. She’d quizzed him intently about trickster gods and the differences between those of different pantheons. And then between those that had actually been worshipped and those that had been invented for games or novels. Then there had been some digression on things that were tricksters without being gods and Joe had needed to explain fairies and gnomes and how wishes could be fulfilled to the letter by them but not to the spirit. Now though Twilight Sparkle had been silent for what seemed a worryingly long pause. “So,” she finally said, “meat.” “Yes?” Joe replied cautiously. “Would you have eaten the Manticore?” “What? No.” “Would any human?” “Hrm, maybe. Or at least the heart.” “The heart?” repeated Twilight Sparkle in disgust. “There was the belief that would grant a measure of the beast’s power,” Joe explained, “and also that it would show respect.” “Res…respect?” stuttered Twilight Sparkle. “Think of it this way,” Joe sighed, “if you leave the corpse then it will be eaten by scavengers, and you are treating it like garbage. But if you take some significant portion, whether to eat it or burn it or do some ritual, and make a prayer for the spirit of the animal then you are treating it as something worthy of that trouble.” “I see the logic, but that is still revolting,” said Twilight Sparkle, looking rather ill. They walked for a while in silence before she felt well enough to ask the next question. “Would you have done that? Cut something out of the Manticore and made a prayer?” “No,” Joe replied, shaking his head. “I think I’d have taken a moment to be thankful I was alive and sorry I’d needed to kill it, but nothing more.” “What about the Crocodile?” “I’d have taken the moment.” “Would you have eaten it?” “Not when I was with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.” “If you hadn’t been?” “I’m not sure,” Joe admitted. “I have read that Crocodile meat is lean and nutritious, and some of the hide might have been useful. If I knew what part the best meat was on and if I knew how to treat the hide. Which I only have a fairly vague idea of.” “You’d wear a dead thing’s skin?” “Humans had to wear something before we invented cloth, and even after that was invented there were some things ‘skins’ were better for. But those are being replaced by synthetic materials.” “Synthetic materials?” “Plastics. And I know you have plastics, I’ve seen all Pinkie Pie’s balloons and there’s insulation on electric wiring and… oh.” Joe clapped his hand over his eyes briefly. “And you don’t generally wear clothes, so you might have those without having also started to make fabrics from it.” “No. No, we have those. I was just surprised you did.” Joe nodded and began to wonder if he had misjudged the Royal Guards. As similar as they looked to older designs he knew the helmets modern soldiers wore were Kevlar rather than Steel, so if you could replace metal with synthetic there it might be possible the armour the ponies wore was more sophisticated than it looked. Then something else occurred to him from thinking of Pinkie Pie and her party poppers being plastic. Those were not the only things she exploded confetti and streamers from, so maybe the Ponies of Equestria had relinquished some weapons rather than having never invented them? That showed how peaceful they were and it made more sense than… Twilight Sparkle protested as Joe suddenly shoved her sideways, letting himself be pushed in the opposite direction. The shadow he’d noticed passed between them along the path as he rolled and drew his knife. Then the owner of the shadow gave him a dubious look and Joe blushed and put his knife away. “Hey, chill out,” Rainbow Dash chided him. “Sorry,” nodded Joe, standing and giving a little bow to Twilight Sparkle, who’d kept her feet though she’d been staggered sideways, “and sorry to you as well. I was distracted by my thoughts so I overreacted.” Rainbow Dash swooped down and across to ruffle Twilight Sparkle’s mane as she looked at Joe. “Too much thinking can be bad for you,” she grinned. “Right Twi?” “What were you thinking Joe?” Twilight Sparkle asked. “I’d mentioned being puzzled you didn’t have some weapons as you had related technology,” sighed Joe, “but thinking of something else I wondered if you’d had those weapons but had decided to no longer use them.” “Is it just me or is he being cryptic?” Rainbow Dash asked her friend. “It’s not just you,” replied Twilight Sparkle. “In my defence I’d rather Discord continue to think me boring,” Joe said with a shrug, “and not saying much was why he thought me that.” “What’s Discord got to do with it?” Rainbow Dash asked. “That is why I am walking,” said Twilight Sparkle before Joe could decide whether and how to reply. “Fluttershy had asked Joe to visit her cottage so she could apologise, then Discord popped himself in, and then he popped me in…” As Twilight Sparkle continued to explain Joe tried to ignore it. He’d not deny Twilight Sparkle had the right to tell Rainbow Dash anything she wanted but he’d have preferred his arrival to continue to be considered completely an accident and, as much as he had betrayed himself, to not have it made quite so plain that there had been a lot he’d been keeping to himself. “If you are properly strong,” Rainbow Dash said, flapping around to look Joe in the face and regaining his attention, “then you can carry me.” “What?” “You heard.” For a moment Joe just blinked, then he remembered a picture he’d seen of a soldier carrying a donkey and shrugged. “Sure, fly around to my back and pop your forelegs over my shoulders,” he replied. “Done,” Rainbow Dash said, sounding a little dubious of how well she was supported by those as she settled. Then Joe reached back and brought his forearms behind the knees of her hindlegs and shrugged her up into a proper piggy-back position. “Yeek!” “Comfy?” “I suppose so,” Rainbow Dash admitted, wriggling a little to let herself rest her chin on the top of Joe’s head. Which meant pushing Joe’s head down to make the top of it low enough for her comfort. “So,” said Twilight Sparkle, wondering why that hadn’t occurred to her and if she’d have suggested it if it had. “Why would we make ourselves less able to defend ourselves?” “Maybe just no need,” Joe mused. “One of the older books humans have, except for religious texts, points out that true mastery is not to fight and win a thousand battles, it is to win without fighting any. With the wisdom and experience being an immortal Sun Goddess gives her I expect Princess Celestia can show true mastery.” “Have you asked Twilight about the Royal Guards and their training yet?” asked Rainbow Dash, raising her head slightly. “Their training?” Twilight Sparkle frowned. “Joe was wondering how it compared with what he’d undergone as a soldier.” “I was never a soldier,” said Joe, sounding puzzled. “Or indeed a member of any of the armed forces.” “How did you learn to fight then?” Rainbow Dash asked, as Twilight Sparkle noted the clarification. “Just trying to apply what I learned from taking part in re-enactments.” “Wait,” said Twilight Sparkle, “you’ve been talking about weapons we’ve not invented or don’t use, and now you say you’ve learned from re-enactments? And Discord mentioned five thousand years of history. Just how old is what you were using?” “Not as old as that. The designs are not exact, some more like a thousand, some more like two thousand or a few hundred years before that. Would have still been serviceable eight hundred years ago, but would have begun to look distinctly old fashioned.” “Looked fine to me,” Rainbow Dash reassured him, bringing her chin back down. “Thanks.” They walked for a minute or so more as Twilight Sparkle tried to think of questions for Joe. She appreciated that he’d been answering her but also appreciated that some of what she wanted to ask Joe might not want to answer in front of other Ponies. Rainbow Dash relaxed and began to look comfortable as she decided Joe was not going to drop her and, despite the lack of legs, probably was not going to fall over. “Been thinking about the arrows,” Rainbow Dash said, not bothering to move her head this time. “What about them?” Joe asked, feeling her chin move against the top of his head. “I’m faster than them, so what if I threw one while I was flying?” “An arrow would be a bit light and flimsy,” Joe thought aloud, “be better with…” Then he stopped and sighed. “Problem?” asked Rainbow Dash. “More weapons you are not going to mention?” Twilight Sparkle added. “As I said, and as you told Rainbow Dash I said, the more I say the more I might be drawn into tales you’d not appreciate as much as I did.” “Hey!” protested Rainbow Dash. “Pegasi are warriors! I got to play the commander in the Hearth Warming Eve play.” “I didn’t see that,” Joe admitted, “but I have read the story. Seems love is dangerous here.” Twilight Sparkle looked at Joe, trying to figure out how he drew that conclusion from the play. “Dangerous?” “Too little love and Wendigos freeze you,” Joe explained, “too much and Changelings invade you.” “And,” continued Rainbow Dash, “I put on a display of jousting for the crystal ponies with Fluttershy.” “Wait,” Joe blinked, “jousting?” “Oh, yeah, it’s cool. You get into armour and get a lance and charge at each other either side of a divider…” “Yes, but…” Joe sighed. “We may be reversing things here Rainbow Dash, but on my world humans rode horses. So you had one the size of Big Macintosh and a man in full armour on top with a shield and heavy lance. Then as each pair of horse and rider charged the rider would aim for his opponent’s shield to knock him off and gain the victory. But if there is no rider then…” “Since when did humans ride horses?” asked Rainbow Dash, changing the subject before she had to admit she’d been aiming for Fluttershy and had been winning by knocking her backwards rump over fetlocks. “Not sure,” Joe admitted, successfully diverted by embarrassment over having admitted that, “since before we had enough writing that pre-history became history, but not that long before.” “And dogs?” asked Twilight Sparkle. “Dogs?” a familiar voice echoed, before an equally familiar gasp followed. “Is Dashie hurt? Why are you carrying her?” “Hello Pinkie,” Joe said, stopping to greet her. “And he’s carrying me so we can see how strong he is,” added Rainbow Dash. “Oooh! Carry me too!” Pinkie demanded, bouncing straight up like a Klipspringer before anyone could object. Joe’s ‘oomph’ at the impact was joined by a protest from Rainbow Dash as she had to quickly pull her forelegs off Joe’s shoulders to prevent Pinkie Pie landing on them there. A draft played along the back of Joe’s legs as Rainbow Dash stabilised herself with a few flaps of her wings. Then Pinkie Pie cooperated and shifted her weight mostly onto one of Joe’s shoulders as she almost sat on it and brought her forelegs up to rest her elbows on the top of Joe’s head. He wobbled slightly before Rainbow Dash brought herself back to regain her grip and, as she was leaning towards the opposite side to look past rather than over Joe’s head, helped to counterbalance her friend. “Heavy?” asked Twilight Sparkle in amusement. “Not really,” Joe said, getting moving again. “I’m sure.” “No, honestly. Even if I was inclined to make any comment about a lady’s weight I’d have said ‘not really’.” “Should we be insulted that you sound surprised?” Rainbow Dash teased. “Ah,” said Joe. The truth was that he was surprised. With Rainbow Dash he had been able to assume that Pegasi, like birds, were lighter than they looked but he had been expecting Pinkie Pie to be more burden. That he was managing made him wonder if though he had rejected the strength of one hero if he’d already been given the strength of another, though he was not going to start throwing his shield. And he was glad the strength had come from magic as that was more appropriate for his country. “Why are we testing Joe’s strength?” Pinkie Pie asked. “Zecora and I gave him magic to help this, since he was lacking any,” explained Twilight Sparkle, “but Discord claimed it only worked properly because he’d added to it, and that making it work properly was an apology for bringing Joe here…” “Discord brought Joe here?” Joe did not feel pleased as Twilight Sparkle began to explain and relate the conversation at Fluttershy’s cottage again. Though it was inevitable this would all be shared amongst such a close-knit group he was not sure it was any business of anyone but him. He still felt that he had not been trying to be deliberately boring, but that was not the same as thinking he was interesting or wanting to become a subject of interest. Twilight Sparkle finished her recounting and Pinkie Pie hopped down to walk beside Joe, Rainbow Dash shifting position to keep him balanced and return her chin to atop his head where she preferred it. “So, why did you say dogs?” Pinkie Pie asked. “Was it because Applejack said Joe was like a dog?” “I’ll take that as a compliment as I like dogs,” Joe replied, “but they were asking how long humans and dogs had been together, and the answer was several times as long as humans and horses.” “That still leaves you thousands of years to make up for!” Rainbow Dash told him, mostly joking, and donking him on the side of his head with a hoof. “Ouch,” said Joe deadpan, adding, as Pinkie Pie giggled, “I’ll not say humans didn’t get more out of it than the horses, but at least they shaped our literature so they are symbols of speed and power…” “I can understand that,” Rainbow Dash commented in satisfaction. “And it meant most of the wolves they saw were on their side…” “Wait, wolves on their side?” frowned Twilight Sparkle. “One guess is that some wolves wanted to be friendly, humans liked the company and were friendly back, and eventually the wolves got friendly and different enough we started calling them dogs. Obedient and loyal and rather stuck in puppyhood, but able to channel their inner wolf when needed.” Then Joe saw Twilight Sparkle’s expression. “What?” “Are you describing yourself?” she asked. “I don’t think I am stuck in puppyhood,” Joe replied, wondering if that was true, “or have much inner wolf, but I was strangely pleased that in a story set in an optimistic view of the future humans did still have it when needed.” “Humans aren’t the only ones to have ‘it’,” said Rainbow Dash, releasing the grip of her forelegs and starting to flap her wings. Joe relaxed his hold on her rear legs and she took off and circled around to face him. “I was not intending to imply otherwise,” Joe assured her, giving a slight bow. Rainbow Dash frowned, hovering at face height and flying backwards so she could glare into Joe’s eyes. “Good,” she eventually said. Even knowing how strong and fast she was Joe found himself unable to be as intimidated as Rainbow Dash might have hoped. She was so cute it was like being fluffed up at by a kitten and being subjected to a tiny hiss. On the other hand a kitten could still draw blood and this ‘kitten’ was capable of supersonic speeds and seemed as fearless as a Honey Badger. And the thought of how Honey Badgers, reputedly, killed male Lions by tearing off their scrotums made it easier to be concerned by the idea of angering her. The questions and Twilight Sparkle telling the same story twice had taken long enough they were approaching Ponyville and where Joe had considered bidding Twilight Sparkle farewell to take the other path back out to his hut. It was simpler to disengage from one person though than from three who were chatting back and forth and making it hard to find a lull to excuse yourself in. Then it became too late as they got far enough into Ponyville to attract the attention of a pair of white Unicorns, one far smaller than the other. “Joe!” Sweetie Belle called, trotting away from her sister and towards him. “Hello, Sweetie Belle,” replied Joe, rather puzzled at the enthusiasm. “Joe, girls, what brings you into town together?” Rarity asked, moving to join her sister and them in a more dignified manner. “I was walking Twilight Sparkle back from Fluttershy’s cottage,” Joe said, hoping to prevent the story of the conversation there being told a third time, “and we met Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash on the way.” “Well,” smiled Rarity, “I am glad to see you Joe.” “You are?” “No need to sound so surprised.” “My apologies. What can I do for you?” “You can stand still while I measure you, and you can tell me all about human fashion.” Joe forced a chuckle out. Having to answer Twilight Sparkle’s questions had been one reason he’d intended to avoid Ponyville, spoilt by Discord bringing her to him, and wanting to avoid this situation with Rarity was why he’d intended to turn back early. If she’d said she wanted some lifting or hammering or unclogging of drains done that would have been more welcome. “I think you can tell I don’t know much about fashion…” Joe started to say, hoping to discourage this. “I can tell those clothes are loose and rather shapeless,” Rarity interrupted him. “That they do not show off whatever assets you have.” “I thought my sister had noticed, but I mentioned it as well,” Sweetie Belle piped up. “But they are comfortable,” said Joe, defending them, “and as they are loose they are easy to move in.” “Maybe so, but they don’t need to be that loose,” Rarity informed him, truthfully. “You can gain some style without losing any practicality.” “Please Joe,” added Sweetie Belle, giving him the filly eyes, “even if you don’t know much you must know something, and it would be fun for my sister to figure out the gaps in what you know.” “It would be interesting,” Rarity agreed, “and a different challenge to adapt my patterns and make clothes for you rather than a Pony.” “Very well then,” said Joe, giving up as they shifted the argument around. If it was Rarity doing him a favour by making him new clothes then there was a chance he could graciously decline, but there seemed no way to avoid it now it was him doing Rarity a favour by giving her the challenge. “Come along then!” Rarity commanded. Then she nodded to Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie. “I’ll see you later girls.” “Bye,” Joe added. Then he and Rarity and Sweetie Belle left, Joe’s heart sinking as the filly chattered about school and that she and Apple Bloom and Scootaloo had mentioned the misadventure of the day before. It was some consolation though that the story had not been well believed so he might still be safely boring. Rainbow Dash watched them go, wondering what was bothering her until she suddenly remembered. “Nuts! He didn’t answer my question about arrows!” “But he is talking more to people,” said Pinkie Pie happily, “this calls for a…” “Pinkie!” Twilight Sparkle frowned. “Yes, I remember,” Pinkie Pie sighed, “not everypony wants a fuss made or a party given, and Joe might be like Cranky Doodle Donkey.” “Good,” Twilight Sparkle said, relieved her friend had listened to the rest of them the day before.