//------------------------------// // Trollestia Strikes. // Story: Poof the magic monkey // by Doctah WAAwee //------------------------------// The sound of a door opening was heard in the mostly dark room that housed the 'magical teleporting monkey.' "Ahhhnnnn....whaaaat?" The 'magical teleporting monkey' groggily asked from under some blankets. "You've been up here for almost the entire day Shawn, are you alright?" Twilight asked. *Fwoosh* *THUD!* Lopez jumped right in front of Twilight...and on the floor. From the floor, he looked up at Twilight. She couldn't see his eyes because of his messy hair in the way. He was wearing a tank top and shorts given to him by Rarity. He was a mess. "Right...your body got too much healing magic...I'll just go then." "No, it's...*yawn* alright, you wanted to talk to me about something?" "Actually...yeah, I need advice from a neutral party." Lopez flinched when the word 'party' was mentioned. 'That party...was bomb.' 'Uhhhh...' "Are you alright?" Asked Twilight. Lopez waved her off. "Just remembering that party we had last night." "I still can't believe you drank an entire barrel of Sweet Apple Acres cider..." "I still can't believe that either..." "So...can you help me?" "*Yawn* Of course." *Fwoosh* He was now on the bed. "Come." He patted an empty spot next to the bed. "Sit." 'On what?' 'The bed, nothing else you perv.' Twilight trotted over to the bed and sat down on the empty space, Lopez put the blanket over himself so that only his face was visible. "So what do you need?" Twilight sighed. "Princess Celestia gave me tickets to a special event called the 'Grand Galloping Gala' for me, and a guest...but all my friends want to go and they all have their own legitimate reasons...and I can't choose." Twilight slumped. "And now they're doing me favors all across Ponyvillie trying to sway my decision." "Was that why I heard Fluttershy and a bunch of animals down in the library?" "Yeah, she was cleaning everything, and then everypony started to try to do favors for me! I had to run across town with a hoard of ticket crazy ponies on my tail!" "Hmmm..." Lopez rubbed his forehead and yawned. "Looks like you have a situation. Think of it like this, at least it didn't get worse." "Twi! Ya still here!?" Yelled a voice from downstairs. "...Was that Applejack?" "...Yes. All of them are down there." Twilight started sulking again. Lopez lazily tried to put his hand on her back...but ended up with his entire face on it instead. "Oops...missed." Lopez let out another yawn. 'Now if only you would move your head a little lower...' 'Keep it in your pants Brent.' Twilight laughed a little bit, but the situation was still stressing her out. "Your tense." 'How do you plan on 'reliving her stress' hmmm?' 'Not the way your thinking.' "How did you figure that out?" Twilight said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I can feel it on my face." "Hope my back feels comfortable." "It does, but back to the subject at hand, you don't want to single out one friend to go with you, right?" Twilight nodded. "And your Celestia's personal student, correct?" She nodded again. "Well, put two and two together, your the brains of the group." Twilight brightened up after a second or two of thinking. She got off the bed and hugged Lopez. "Thanks for the help, I think I know what to do know." Twilight sniffed the air a little. "You need a bath." "I'll remember that little comment next time your wearing a hat, but yeah, your right I do." Twilight smiled before leaving the room. "Bye." She said. "Meh." Was his eloquent response. 'Welp, up and at em Lopez, you need a bath you dirty bum.' 'Ahhhhh... but I don't wanna!' 'Do you want to smell like sweat and ass, for all the wrong reasons I might add, all day?' 'Nrrrg...fine...' Lopez lazily got off the bed Twilight so generously let him use, and went towards the bathroom, which was downstairs to his perfect recollection. Instead of jumping though he just started walking, he saw the ponies cheering, laughing, and socializing. Spike, who you met at the party, was holding what appears to be 6 golden pieces of paper. They ponies moved towards the exit, and the pieces started floating away, one by one, from the baby dragon's hand. "Awww, why don't I get a ticket?" Then, he BURPED a letter with two tickets in it. 'DAFU-you know what? I'm tired of saying that.' 'Just...roll with it.' 'I'm trying bro.' "It says here 'and one for you, Spike and Shawn too.'" He started prancing and jumping saying 'yes'. Until Applejack saw him, he tried to play it cool and make it look like he didn't want to go. 'Oldest trick in the book son.' 'Oh,youth.' 'We're still pretty young ya know.' 'I meant, 'still living with parents' youth...' 'You all right bro?' 'Yeah...I'm alright.' "Hey, Shawn!" A voice knocked him out of his conversation with Brent. It was Applejack. "Huh?" "You want ta go with us tah get some food?" She asked. "Sure, let me just get bathed and i'll join up with you, where ya eating?" "Where eatin' at the 'Bannered Mare' There's a map on tha town hall ifin' you don't know how tha get there." "Kay I'll be there." Applejack waived him off and went outside. The ticket following him. "Cool." ____________________________________________________________________________________ Shower Time! ************************************************************************************ Lopez headed towards the bathroom, he noticed that the tub was HUGE, but the shower-head was not very high up. He had to bend down little to get water on his body. He looked around to see some purple bottles of shampoo. 'Lavender Heat: A bold new smell for all you lonely mare's out there. Guaranteed to make stallions follow you all through your day...and all through the night too.' -Subtle Seduction shampoo and body wash brands. Lopez almost tripped in he bathtub he was laughing so hard, especially when he saw that they emphasized the word 'heat'. "Subtle sedu-HAHAHAHAHAHA!" He didn't even finish reading the name of the company that owned the smell. 'Never knew Twilight wanted the d! Your chance to move in bro!' 'Wait...this isn't even opened yet...there's a note on the back.' 'Sometimes all a mare need's a good rutting to help with stress, I hope you consider using this Twilight, you seemed... deprived of what all mare's need from time to time. I know it help's me when my job becomes stressful.' '-Princess Celestia.' "...Celestia? Wow...didn't see that coming." 'I did, and I can prove it too.' 'Oh yeah, prove it then.' 'Have you noticed something...off about this town, proportionately wise?' 'I was too busy defying human anatomy by chugging that barrel of cider to notice.' 'To put it bluntly, this town is like a bag of Funions, all girls man, i've only seen like TWO guy ponies when we came here for the first time, you were too busy being 'Poof the candy giving monkey' to notice.' 'Actually, I did notice a lack of guy's...' 'Maybe we could visit Celestia and 'help her with her stress' I bet with our handy-dandy hands, we could make her scream in all sorts o-' 'Stop that!' 'Come on were in the shower. A quick wank won't hurt. Just imagine: Celestia bent over her throne with that GODLY ass, looking ba-' 'DUDE!' 'Your too easy...and apparently Celly is too.' 'Stop it ma-wait...'stallions follow you all through your day'...doesn't that remind you of something?' 'DUDE...you read my mind.' 'I don't want to know what's in your mind...' 'Shower singing time?' 'Shower singing time.' 'YES!' "You got to wash your body the manly way! And the freshness will follow you all through your day!" Brent and Lopez were singing in unison...Lopez, without realizing it started to use the 'Lavender Heat' shampoo and body wash. "It's literally following you everywhere! This could actually be a fairly serious problem!" He started dancing while lathering his body in the seductive shampoo/body wash. "This is not good! Because he's probably ruining that person's body who he's operating ON~" He started rinsing his hair and body. "This is way more freshness than anyone expected! New Old Spice bar soap! Never leave your house AGAIN!" He stepped out of the shower and got the new set of clothes. Another tank top and shorts...he likes that combonation alot, and he has the muscles to pull it off. ____________________________________________________________________________________ ************************************************************************************ Lopez got out of the bathroom and decided to put his ticket away in the nightstand of the room Twilight let him borrow. After he put on his clothes and shoe's that, again, Rarity made for him. 'I gotta find away to make it up to her.' 'Bend her over a sowing machine and fu-' 'Shut up.' He came out of the library and jumped to the town hall. He memorized the map- 'Cheater.' And then poof-damn it-jumped to the restaurants entrance, there were some fliers for the restaurant near the town map. 'A very clever way to advertise...' Some stallions in the restaurant were giving him some VERY weird looks... 'Wait...are they checking me out?' 'Whoa bro, remember the last guy we heard about who had sex with a male horse?' '...He died of a perforated colon...' 'Do you want to die of a perforated colon?' 'I'm not gay. Especially not for horse-cock. And besides, these ponies are not even close to the size of a horse from our world' 'Is that...a defense?' 'No.' He looked around to see the six mares, and one dragon eating, laughing, and basically having a good time. Applejack noticed him. "Hey Shawn! Over here." She said. "Applejack! You do not yell in a restaurant, it is very rude!" Rarity scolded her. "Oh hush now, do yall see anyone in here except for those...Stallions...that are looking at Shawn like he's the last piece of Granny Smith's Zap Apple pie?." "Oh my." Rarity said when she saw it for herself. They couldn't tell why he was getting such a positive response from all the stallions... Until he got close enough. "WOAH!" Rainbow moved her head back when she smelled the scent coming off Lopez. "Hey, what's up...girls." He said when he came to the table. "Why are you staring at me like that?" All the girls gave him a shocked gaze. Spike looked around the group in confusion. "What? Is there something i'm missing?" "Dear...do you know how you smell like?" Asked Rarity. Lopez gave himself a quick whiff. His eye's widened. "Woah, I smell like Laven-." He stopped his sentence right there... Brent was laughing so hard Lopez thought he was gonna choke up a lung. "Lavender Heat...Oh God damn it..." Lopez had to sit down to take this all in. "Please tell me...what exactly do I smell like?" A waiter came up to him and gave him some food, it was a very expensive looking sandwich. "I...didn't order anything." "It's from the gentlestallion with the blue coat." He looked back to see a blue stallion looking straight at him, his mouth was open and he was putting his hoof in and ou- Lopez turned back. 'Wow I...the FIRST time a pony flirts with you...in a town filled with mares...is a stallion?' 'Why God...why?' "Give him my...thanks." The waiter left...but before he did, he brushed his short tail on his arm, and whispered in his ear. "Mares aren't the only ones who like somepony on top of them..."and after that disturbing revelation he left. Before he was out of sight he looked back, and winked. Lopez almost threw up. "I'm actually quite jealous." Rarity said out of nowhere. "What!? I'm almost to the point of physical sickness right now!" "You have to see it from a mare's point of view." "OH HELL NO, that's the view I'm avoiding at ALL costs, No one/pony going to get my booty!" "Not like THAT. What I mean is that stallions are a rarity, even more than moi, in equestria. In fact, 80% of Equestria's population is female." 'Hallelujah!' 'Don't, just don't' "If that were me that stallion was flirting-" "Flirting!? HE, this entire restaurants male population is MOLESTING ME WITH THEIR EYES!" "Oh calm down, anyways, if it were me that stallion was flirting with...lets just say he wouldn't be able to walk right for a couple days." Rainbow said. 'Me likey' 'Well too bad.' "Come on Poof! Don't let a couple of fans make you frown, we're here to have fun!" Said Pinkie. "*Sigh* I'll try..." After some food, laughs...and some more flirting (Lopez came very close to vomiting when a stallion unexpectedly kissed him on the cheek and flew off.) they all went there separate ways. Lopez wasted no time and jumped to his bed and proceeded to stay there. After a while Twilight came in the room. "You alright?" "That's the second time you asked me that question today..." "Uumm...you said something about 'Lavender Heat' back at the restaurant, what did you mean." Lopez made his face be visible. "It was a shampoo gift from the Princess to you...I was...distracted by something and didn't notice myself using it." "But...I don't get it...i've read about...those kinds of shampoo...but I've never read about it being THAT effective." Lopez suddenly remembered something from the other day. ____________________________________________________________________________________ ************************************************************************************ "Shawn, your body has an extreme resistance to offensive type magic, and electricity....but it is extremely susceptible to drugs, and other chemicals due to your different immune system...it's going to take awhile for your body to adapt to equestrian foods and other things, but after a while you won't notice it." "Notice what?" "You'll see." ____________________________________________________________________________________ ************************************************************************************ 'Oh that TROLL!' 'Hmm...'Trollestia' that sounds awesome.' Spike came in the room. "Hey Shawn, there's a letter from the princess for you!" Spike handed him the letter. He opened it. How was your first night on the town? I hope you had fun. Sincerely, Princess Celestia. P.S Make sure you watch what you eat and what you put on your body, it might be...an unpleasant experience. '...' Brent was in danger of coughing up a lung...again. 'That...TROLL!' '...She got you good.' "Dude are you alright? You look like you got broken or something." Spike asked. "...It's nothing Spike...just that Celestia is warning me that I should be careful about what I put on my body." "If only she sent that sooner." Twilight laughed a little. "Yeah...if only."