Into the room walked a rather large creature, this one all white with a wavy, flowing mane. Of course, my attention was still rather distracted, so I didn’t hear the door open, close, or the hoofsteps as it walked into the room.
“Will you cease that dreadful racket? I swear, you humans have such a ridiculous pair of lungs that belay your size.” The words startled me, causing me to take a momentary breath so that I could continue screaming. Its ears folded back in response as an annoyed look came across its face, and it began walking towards me. As it got close enough, I pulled back my left hand and made a fist, readying it to take a swing.
“Tut tut, you think one would learn not to try and punch the first sapient intelligence they encounter. Really, are you lot still so barbaric?” It spoke, and I noticed my hand was still pulled back, encompassed by a golden glow that matched the one around its horn its. “Besides, the last time you punched one of us you hit my dear student in the face and became a mare in the process. One would think after the first surprise, you wouldn’t want a second.”
I’d finally ceased screaming, more because it was starting to hurt than anything else. “What the fuck are you, and why the fuck am I a woman?” I tried to yell with anger, but my new voice definitely wasn’t meant for it. Instead my words came across as more of a pout, which caused me to inwardly groan.
“Oh, so it does talk. I was wondering how much longer it was going to take.” She snickered at me, as if she took enjoyment in whatever the fuck it was she was doing. “You may call me Princess Celestia. I am one of the two rulers of Equestria, where you now find yourself. As to your first question, I am an alicorn, which is the harmonic embodiment of the three races native to my country. As to your second, well...” She trailed off, apparently unable to control her mirth.
As much as I wanted to leap out of this bed and knock the shit out of... her, I figured modesty for my hopefully temporary situation was the better choice. “The fuck is so funny? How long until you can make me a guy again and send me home?”
She continued to laugh as she raised a hoof to her mouth, which I just noticed was covered in a golden shoe, as if her hoof would stop her laughter or keep me from hearing it. “Oh my, I’m so sorry. It’s just been awhile since I’ve been in this situation, and no matter what, it’s never loses its humor factor.” She took a moment to straighten herself, during which I did my best to glare a hole through her.
“So, to answer your second question, and as to when you might be able to go home. Long story short, as I understand you humans just love your brevity, you can’t. To either. Sure, I could send you home as is, but something tells me you’d be pretty well fucked, and given time, in more ways than one.” She looked at me with a shit-eating grin, as if daring me to refute her.
“Bullshit. Long story.”
She cut her look short, appraising me and sizing me up with her eyes. “I see, wasn’t expecting that reply. Damn, I owe Luna a thousand bits. Well you see, there exist multiple universes, as well as parallel ones. This makes for a nigh infinite amount of worlds and timelines. Now there are a few planets that act as hubs, for lack of a better term, and are frequently in contact, or nearby, to a large selection of other worlds at any given moment. You managed to find a sinkhole between worlds, which brought you across universes to Equus from your Earth.” She paused, giving me a moment to take in her words.
“So... this means that somewhere, there’s a world where I went to punch you in the face, and you didn’t stop me?” I smirked at the question while also showing her that yes, I did indeed understand the multiverse concept, even if I was having a hard time believing its existence.
She narrowed her eyes at me, giving me a brief look that spoke volumes. Tone down the belligerence, or else. Yeesh. “Your quips aside, yes that is indeed the case. Usually, when one of you stumble across to here, we’re able to send you right on back. A little dash of magic, and you simply think it was a rather lucid dream, but nothing else.
“However, you humans are like magical sponges. You suck the magic right into yourselves, and after a certain point we really can’t send you back.”
“So, why can’t you just use your magic and fix this shit? Sounds like you use magic on a frequent basis, and have dealt with shit like this before.” I stopped glaring at her as yet again my new body twisted my action, and well... I don’t want to mention what it looked like. Yeah, that bad.
“Well, unlike normal sponges, we can’t wring that magic back out of you. After a certain point of saturation, your bodies begin to adapt to Equus. Any changes that occur after that can’t be undone. I mean, like I said, we could send you back to Earth, but tell me. Does your government still kill the unknown? Or have they finally graduated beyond that?”
I began to think about what she was saying, allowing logic to finally take hold in my brain. Seeing how I lived in good ole ‘Murica, I knew that death wasn’t really going to happen. However, due to my newfound gender, I’d most likely be spirited away somewhere, scanned, tested on... As the thoughts continued rolling, I must’ve visibly paled quite a lot as the horse began speaking to me again.
“So, looks like it’s not quite death anymore, hey? Experimentation?” She smirked again. Oh how I wanted to punch her in the nose. “So you’re basically stuck here, and this is your new home. If you cooperate, it can be a good experience. Otherwise, I’ll just have to send you to the sun... Oh wait, it’s Luna’s turn! So, it’d be the moon for you, then.”
I finally joined her in laughter, I mean, come on! Being sent to the sun or moon? Yeah, right, it's impossible. “That’s a good one, Celestia! Sending me to the moon? Oh man, is it made of cheese? That’s just as good as you saying you can’t make me a man again!” I slapped a knee through the covers, unable to control my mirth.
She barked out a short laugh, then looked at me, deadly serious. “This is no joke. I hold domain over the sun, and my sister the moon. If you prove to be a problem, we shall simply sweep you under the rug. And you still don’t believe me when I say there is nothing we can do about your new gender? Allow me to elaborate then.
“You see, you’re not the first who has ended up a new gender,” another snicker from her, damn that horse! “and so we have tried it in the past. We had an individual who had barely surpassed that invisible threshold that pushes a human to adapt to Equus. We spent the better part of a year on it with a team of the best unicorn scientists working on the matter. The best we managed was to change their gender back for two, two and a half hours at the most. They attempted to push it further, but after an incident that left fifteen unicorns gender swapped, including a rather unfortunate mare who was pregnant it was abandoned. Mind you, that was with someone who barely surpassed the threshold.”
I took a moment to digest the information put forth before me. A pregnant mare genderswapped? How would that even work? I shook my head to refocus my thoughts on something that wouldn’t leave me with a migraine. “So, you make it sound as if I’ve taken a lot more magic than the threshold point... How much?”
“Simple questions. Seems we might get somewhere.” Celestia gave a rather vague, condescending smile. Bah, whatever. Push it back for now, deal with it later. “Well, the pony you first punched in the face is my student, Twilight Sparkle. Otherwise referred to as Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Alicorn of Magic. To give you an idea, only five alicorns currently exist, and they’re all extremely powerful. Each of us hold sway over a domain. Twilight’s is magic itself. She blasted you with enough magic that, if directed into an actual thought out spell, could level one of your cities.”
“So... I’m guessing that’s somewhere around a ‘fuck-ton’ on a scale of one to fucked?” I asked, at this point wishing to whatever man was upstairs that this was simply a trippy dream.
"That actually sums it up very well! I'll have to keep that one in mind for later, thanks!" I simply facepalmed, mentally counting down how long it'd be before I found myself on a celestial body. "Basically, you're going to be a pony, no doubt about that. It's simply a matter of how long." A knock came at the door, causing Celestia to raise her head. "Speaking of, perfect timing! Come in!"
The door opened to reveal the purple alicorn from my first encounter, sporting a minor bruise on her face. Good to know I at least left a mark. I snickered at that thought as Twilight entered the room. "Good morning, Celestia, I–" She noticed that I was awake and staring at her. "Ah, I see he– I mean, she is awake now." She paused a moment, then with a flap of her wings cleared the whole room to land at the side of my bed. Must. Resist. Punching.
"Hi, my name is Twilight Sparkle. Now that you aren't completely freaked out and ready to punch me again, or at least I hope so anyways... mind if I get to study you? You're the first human that's come to Equestria I've seen, and I'd just love to document you, as well as your change!" I think she mentioned a few other things as well, but honestly I wasn't really paying close attention to her once she started geeking out. I was very much reminded of some of those weird mouth breathers who would come in and buy the latest MMO game when I worked retail at GameStop in high school. To sum it up in one word, creepy.
A cough drew her focus to the other occupant in the room. "Twilight, as much as I love your enthusiasm, I've barely just finished explaining that he– sorry, she is stuck here. Speaking of, I believe you have something you need to say, correct?" I simply sat there in the bed, still covered in the sheet, watching this back and forth banter with confusion.
The next thing I knew, Twilight was back in my face, this time slightly flushed red, most likely from embarrassment. "I'd like to apologize to you, err– What's your name?"
Oh finally, after all of this, what my name is finally comes up. "Name's Elam."
"Ah, Elam. I'm sorry for reactively blasting you with enough magic to level this castle. I really shouldn't have lost control of my magic like that, even if I was completely taken by surprise. So I'm sorry for not giving you the choice to stay or not." She paused, looking over my covered form. "Also I'm sorry for making you a mare. That's probably gotta be awkward." Out of nowhere, a piece of parchment and quill appeared, floating next to Twilight. "Now questions! Tell me, what is–"
"Twilight!" Celestia belted out, stopping Twilight's words instantly. I now see how this Celestia can claim to run a nation. With a voice like that, I'd imagine her running something militaristic. Huh, I wonder what type of government they run here.
"So uh... You're fuckin' crazy." I spoke to Twilight, locking eyes with those disturbingly large, and dare I say it, cute pupils of hers. I mean if it were possible to die from a cuteness overload, one of these ponies could do so, if they were to shut up for long enough to not ruin the image anyways. "I mean, I thought my friend coked up thinking he could tie a rolling chair to a car with duct tape took the cake, but damn. You think I'm just gonna willingly let you study me after you made it to where I can't even leave this place to go back home? Fucking nuts, I swear."
"Hey now," Twilight immediately shot back, "you're the one who went and punched me in the face without even saying a word. That, and your lungs. Yikes, my ears were ringing for hours after that." Her face scrunched up as she recalled it. Don't know why she was complaining though, she wasn't on the receiving end of an apparently uber magic blast that jacked up one's gender.
"I wasn't fuckin' crazy, though. I was merely defending myself from a weird, oddly colorful creature. Not my fault you got close to me almost immediately." Although childish, I felt it necessary to punctuate my words by sticking my tongue out at Twilight. I figured if I were truly stuck here, I'd try my best to poke at them without ending up on a celestial body. I'm sure, if given time, I should be able to come up with something, but for now baby steps were fine.
"If you two are done..." Celestia spoke, quietly chuckling to herself. "Now, Elam," more snickering. I'm really going to punch her in the face, just gotta take her by surprise. "Twilight here is going to be responsible for you, both during your transition as well as afterwards. She'll be teaching you about Equestria and how it operates, as well as aiding in whatever areas your new form will provide, whether it be magic or flight."
What? "Wait. You mean, the one pony who I'd rather not be around, the one who removed my dick, is the one pony who I'm going to have to spend the foreseeable future with?" The gall of this bitch!
"Indeed! Right on, although you'll have my sister's help since Twilight is aiding you. I'm certain with two alicorns helping you, it should be relatively smooth for you, so long as you're willing." Oh, that fucking troll. The smirk on her face, there's no other way to put it. I'm being trolled hard, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
I sighed, simply adding to the list of shit that I'd need to get back at Princess Sunny-Butt for. A question that had been resting in the back of my mind that probably should've been voiced first finally found its way out. "So, do I want to know why I'm naked underneath these sheets? Pretty damn certain I had clothes on when I ended up here..."
Twilight nervously spoke up, and I watched as she brought a hoof up to rub at the back of her neck. "Well, that's also kind of my fault... The magic I hit you with kinda disintegrated your clothes. And the wall hangings. And the wall..." She trailed off, chuckling somewhat nervously.
"Oh!" Twilight exclaimed, causing me to raise an eyebrow. "My friend is a rather famous fashionista, so I had her come and measure you for some clothes while you were unconscious!" I heard a slight pop as a small bag popped into existence next to Twilight, who floated it over to me. "She's got this set of clothes ready for you now, plus she's going to make a few more. They're also easily adjustable for later." She nodded at the end, and I started to rummage through the bag.
"Well, it seems that I'm no longer needed, as you appear to have everything under control." She looked at me, a quick flash of danger in her eyes. Definitely not fun to be on the receiving end of that look. "And remember, Elam. This is your new home now, and it's up to you to make of it what you will. If that fails, the moon or sun is rather accommodating anytime." She opened the door and walked halfway out, then turned to face the room. "Oh, you might want to work with Twilight on a new name! Remember, female and pony!"
I fumed as she quickly disappeared, the door rapidly closing behind her. I diverted my attention and rage at pulling out the clothes that Twilight's friend had apparently made, although the word fashionista made me very wary of what I might find.
"Fuck me..." Was all I could mutter as I pulled out a skirt. There were no pants included in the mass of fabric.
"Really? You already want to be fucked? I know Celestia wanted me and Luna to help you embrace your new sexuality, but that was quick!" Twilight spoke up, a slight blush creeping across her face.
"WHAT? For being the student of a ruler you sure are pretty dumb there. Ever heard of a figure of speech?" I couldn't believe this pony. And she's an alicorn? How desperate were they for them if she ended up one. I dangled the skirt up in front of her face. "This is a skirt. I was a guy not a day ago, there's no fucking way that I want to wear this."
Twilight seemed to still be off balance, although she did seem to be recovering rather quickly. "Sorry, I tend to take things rather... literally most times I'm afraid. And what's wrong with a skirt? Rarity spent a fair amount of time working on that, you should be thankful you even have clothes, she pushed all her orders to the side to do a personal favor for me!"
I continued to dangle the skirt in front of her face. "Nope, not wearing it. Get me a nice pair of jeans or something. Just because you robbed me of Mr. Thompson doesn't mean I'm just going to go all fru-fru girly overnight. Ain't happenin'."
Twilight gave me a very unamused glare. "You can either wear it, or wrap a sheet around you. And, seeing how I plan to show you around the castle soon..." She left the statement unfinished, but I was able to fill in the blanks. This sheet wasn't that large, and I had enough issues walking around my house with a sheet wrapped around me in the past. No way was it going to hold up.
"Fuck me..."