//------------------------------//
// Eat my noise cannon, Tia! 
// Story: Little loony Luna and crazy caffeinated Celestia's life in Canterlot 
// by Vidhwansak 
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Eat my noise cannon, Tia!




Tia is so going to get it once she walks through that door!

Luna was currently setting up a specially made cannon, courtesy of Vinyl Scratch, whom she located by asking around for the best in noise amplification machines. And Vinyl Scratch sure knew how to deliver them, as seen by (currently unfinished) cannon. It was so large and massive that the only logical and safe way to surprise her sister with it was to erect the cannon on the opposite side of a door. Unfortunately, it was also a complicated piece of machinery that she could barely piece together with the instruction manual. Chrysalis wasn't making her job any easier, either, by complaining.

"For the love of Faust, Lulu, did you really have to say, and I quote, 'the biggest, loudest, and most complicated noise cannon that would rock my socks off!'? This thing is taking forever to set up, and we even had to take it down and reassemble the entire thing! Twice!"

"I didn't think Vinyl would take my words to heart!"

"Well, she did, and we had to assemble this thing by ourselves, since the guards would have probably tattled on us. At least we're almost done."

"Yeah, that's a relief." Luna grunted as she hefted the large battery that was almost as big as her into its rightful place, and wiped away at the sweat that came with the daunting task of assembling the noise cannon. "Are we almost done?"

"One moment." Chrysalis looked over at the instruction manual that was provided with the parts for the noise cannon, and sighed. "One last thing, Lulu."

Finally, we're almost done! "What is it, Chrys? Tia should be entering her room any moment now, so let's hurry up!"

Okay, okay, sheesh! Now, the last step is...Huh. Chrysalis read through the last instruction twice to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her, and when she was convinced that they were not, she spoke in a confused tone of voice. "...Uh, I'm not sure if I'm reading this right, but the cannon needs a sacrifice of a vinyl record, with us chanting 'Noise for the noise god!' three times in the background as the machine accepts the sound sample given to it."

Did I hear that right? "Huh? Could you repeat that again, Chrys?"

"Well, apparently, that oversized coin slot looking thing at the top? Yeah, you're supposed to insert a vinyl record 'sacrifice' in that slot, and wait for the cannon to 'digest' the record, and we chant that phrase for...Some reason. It's how the cannon operates."

"You're pulling my hoof."

"It's on the instruction manual, I swear!"

"Let me see that." Luna snatched the instruction manual from Chrysalis, and skimmed down to the last step, where it just so happened that Chrysalis was telling the truth. When did technology get so complicated? "...Do we even have a vinyl record to sacrifice, Chrys?"

"Yeah, apparently it comes along with the cannon as a sort of 'freebie', I guess. Want me to put it in, or do you want to find another vinyl record?" 

"I don't think we're going to find another vinyl record anytime soon, so pop it in, I guess."

Chrysalis looked around in one of the boxes (there were sixteen in total), and eventually found a vinyl record with the words 'HELLO THERE' written in capital letters. "I think I've found it, Lulu."

"Great! Put it in, and let's get this started!"

Chrysalis nodded once, then fluttered up to the slot on top of the cannon. She slid the vinyl record in, then quickly went to Luna's side. As one, they took in a deep breath, and began to chant.

"Noise for the noise god! Noise for the noise god! Noise for the noise god!"

As they chanted, the noise cannon made an irritating grating sound that was almost as annoying as Celestia when she was hyper on sugar. Eventually, though, the grating stopped, and the two alicorns gave each other a hoof-five, glad that the hard part of setting of the cannon was over.

"Ha ha, yeah, Lulu, we did it!"

"Right on, Chrys!"

At that moment, there was a faint knock at the door. "Chrys, Lulu? Is that you two I hear in there, and not a group of changelings making a mock bet about which one of you is the better fighter?"

Chrysalis mentally reminded herself to have a word with her changelings before responding. "Yes, Tia, we're in here, no, we're not changelings...Uh, changeling drones, that is, and why are you still outside the door? Come in, Tia!" She picked up some earmuffs, noting that Luna had already done the same. "This is gonna be so great!"

"Well, alright then." Celestia stepped inside the room, and was instantly met with a cannon barrel at face. "What th-"

At that moment, Luna pressed down on the comically oversized red button, causing the cannon to fire its ammunition in the form of sound.

"HELLO THERE!"

Unfortunately, Celestia could not say hello back to the cannon, as she flew backwards, through a few walls, and only stopped when she reached the kitchens, where her landing zone was the giant cheesecake that she had asked the chef to create for her that evening, to share between all three of them.

As ponies tried to piece together what just happened, Chrysalis and Luna were laughing it up.

"Oh, Faust, did you see how far she flew?!" Chrysalis roared as she pounded the floor with a hoof. "Like, whoosh!"

"Ahaha, yeah!" Luna cried, doubling over in laughter, "That was absolutely priceless!"

A muffled cough was heard, and Luna turned around to see who made it; that pony was none other than Twilight Sparkle. "You know, if I were you two, I'd run."

"Ah, good to see you, Sparkle! Run? Hee hee, whatever for, Twilight Sparkle? It was a good, if over the top prank, and my sister will see that!"

"...Not when she landed in the cheesecake she asked to be made earlier. You know how much she likes cheesecake."

Uh oh. Luna squinted at the direction that her sister had 'flown' through, and sure enough, she could just make out her dazed sister, with her normally clean, pristine coat covered with cheesecake.

This is not good. "I think we're dead, Chrys."

"Oh?"

"Tia's gonna kill us. She landed in a cheesecake she wanted to eat later!"

That does sound rather...Problematic for us. "...What do we do, then?

"RUN!"

"Agreed!"

The two alicorns ran off in different directions, while 'Twilight Sparkle' grinned. "I knew the day would come where it would benefit me to have my faithful student be able to masquerade as me perfectly." With a dim flash, Twilight Sparkle turned into Celestia, and she sighed as she looked at the destruction the noise cannon created. "Though I do wish the cheesecake was spared."