//------------------------------//
// What's the Holdup? 
// Story: Deserts and Dragons 
// by Metool Bard 
//------------------------------//


Chapter 5:
What's the Holdup?


"Can't ya make this thing go any faster?" asked Braeburn.

Flim sighed. "We already told you, good stallion.  The Super Speed Cider Squeezy 6000 is not meant to be a rescue vehicle.  We're going as fast as we can."

"Which is still pretty fast, might I add," Flam chimed in. "If you don't like it, you're free to get off and walk the rest of the way."

Braeburn groaned and muttered something incoherent.

"I understand how you feel, Braeburn," said Little Strongheart. "But like you said, they're our only chance of catching up to those children before they get into any real danger."

"I know, I know," said Braeburn. "But I've already got a huge migraine from those fillies causin' me grief.  I don't need them addin' to..."

"Just a moment, madam," Flim interrupted. "What's this about real danger?"

"You didn't know?" said Little Strongheart gravely. "If you plan on traveling through the desert, you have to be ready for anything and everything.  I live out here, so I should know."

The FlimFlam Brothers exchanged looks before turning back to Braeburn and Little Strongheart. "Um, neither of you mentioned this before," said Flam.

"We figured that kinda thing would go without sayin'," said Braeburn, giving the unicorns a deadpan look. "Why the hay do ya think we're in such a hurry?"

"Hmm.  Good point," said Flam, pulling at his mustache. "However, we reserve the right to bill you for any damages we might encounter on this endeavor."

"What?!  Y'never said anythin' 'bout that!" yelled Braeburn.

"Well, you never said anything about this being dangerous," countered Flim.

"That's 'cause I thought I didn't need to!" Braeburn groaned in exasperation.

Little Strongheart was about to intervene when she noticed something up ahead.  There was a small mound of sand sticking up right in front of them.

"I think we have bigger problems right now," she said sternly. "Can you two change our course?"

"Change our course?" parroted Flam. "I thought you wanted us to follow those wagon tracks."

"Well, if you don't, we're going to run right into that..."

Before Little Strongheart could finish, something popped out of the ground and forced the transport to stop.  Standing before them was a burly Diamond Dog with black fur and large, intimidating jowls.  He was dressed in a braided cloak with a zigzag design, and he wore a large sombrero atop his head.  He pulled some sort of miniature cannon from his back and pointed it at the transport.

"Your money or your life, ese," he snarled.

The FlimFlam Brothers gave the bandit a perplexed look, and then turned to each other.

"What do you make of this, Flim?" asked Flam.

"Hard to say, Flam," Flim mused. "It seems this gentleman doesn't have a lot of business smarts."

The bandit blinked. "¿Qué?"

"Well, it's quite obvious, my good man," said Flam. "No matter how much money we give you, it isn't really worth our lives.  Thus, you wouldn't be getting a whole lot out of the deal."

The bandit stared blankly at the FlimFlam Brothers. "I, don't think you know how this is supposed to work, potros," said he.

"We certainly know a lot more about it than you," said Flim in a very matter-of-fact tone. "It's obvious to us that you wish to make a business proposal.  However, the goods you have on offer far outweigh your price.  So, what else do you have?"

"I, have this," said the bandit, gesturing with his cannon. "And it's pointed at you right now."

"We can see that," said Flam. "But you must understand that our money isn't worth our lives.  No amount of money is.  You're short-changing yourself."

Little Strongheart stared at the FlimFlam Brothers with her mouth agape. "I can't tell if they're incredibly brave or just really, really stupid," she said.

"I hear ya," said Braeburn, dipping his voice. "You wanna go down there an' teach him some manners while he's distracted by those clowns?"

"Hey hey hey!" the bandit barked, pointing his cannon at Braeburn. "No funny stuff, potro.  You can't pull a fast one on Toro the Bulldog."

"Perhaps not, but you have to realize that you're pulling a fast one on yourself," said Flam. "As professional salesponies nonpareil, I think it's safe to say that we know what we're talking about."

"Look, whatever we're gonna do here, can y'all hurry this up?" said Braeburn. "We ain't got all day."

"I'm gonna have to agree with him, ese," said Toro. "Just give over your money, and you get to keep your heads."

"He's quite stubborn, isn't he?" said Flim.

"Stubborn as they come," said Flam with a sigh. "I'm not sure we can make this any simpler for him.  It's a shame, really."

"What's takin' so long up there, Toro?"

A sharp voice made itself known as a small yellow dragon crawled out of the ground.  She carried a small white parasol with her, and she had a mole on her left cheek.

"These potros are being difficult, Señorita Needles," said Toro. "And a bit confusing to boot.  I don't think they've ever been robbed before."

The dragon sighed. "Looks like you need me," said she. "Let's give 'em a bit of a warnin' shot."

Toro nodded and hefted his cannon into the air.  Needles crawled onto his back and blew a plume of amber flame into the fuse chamber.  The cannon fired, soaring over the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 and missing it by a hair.

"We won't miss next time," said Needles coldly. "So I suggest y'all fork over your money."

"N-now now.  There's no need to get violent," said Flim as he and his brother began to turn pale.

"Y-yeah.  W-we can work out some kind of deal!" added Flam.

Needles scoffed. "A deal?  My stars, y'all must be new 'round these parts.  You don't try to haggle with the Bull's Eye Gang.  You do what we tells ya, or become target practice."

"Oh dear.  What do we do, brother?" asked Flim.

"Well, we can always give them our money and fine our passengers for the difference," said Flam thoughtfully.

"What?!  Oh, no!  Nonononono!" exclaimed Braeburn. "Not no way, not no how!"

"Well, we have to do something," said Flim.

Little Strongheart looked over at Needles and stroked her chin for a moment. "Excuse me, Needles, was it?" she said.

Needles looked up. "Yeah, that's my name.  What do ya want?"

"I couldn't help but notice that you're a dragon," said Little Strongheart.

Needles snorted. "Well, I sure ain't no salamander," she growled. "What's it to ya?"

"Oh, I mean no disrespect," said Little Strongheart. "After all, I have a great respect for dragons such as yourself."

"Good for you, hon," said Needles dryly. "But honestly, I don't give a rat's carcass how much you respect dragons.  I've still got no qualms blowin' y'all to kingdom come if ya don't give us all your money."

"Well, it's your loss then," said Little Strongheart with a shrug. "Because I happen to know the location of a rich topaz deposit."

Needles perked up. "Huh?  What's this about topaz?"

"Promise you'll let us go, and I'll tell you," said Little Strongheart.

Needles raised an eyebrow. "Y'think I was born yesterday or somethin'?  How do I know you're not lyin'?"

"Perish the thought!" exclaimed Little Strongheart, sounding a bit offended. "A buffalo would never lie to a dragon.  It's against our nature."

"I don't trust them, Señorita Needles," growled Toro. "Let's just waste 'em and be done with it, yeah?"

"Hold on there, Toro," said Needles. "The grown-ups are talkin'."

Toro raised an eyebrow. "You're a prepubescent dragon.  I'm older than you," said he.

"And you've got a holster full of gunpowder strapped to your body that I can easily ignite.  Still feel like arguin' with me?" Needles retorted.

Toro quickly clammed up after that.

"Still, my compadre here has a point," said Needles, stroking her chin. "I'd be pretty foolish to just let ya go."  She paused for a moment. "How much are y'all carryin', anyway?"

"Well, let's see," said Flim. "Flam?"

Flam produced a small abacus from his pocket and used his magic to shift the beads around. "According to my figures, after the fifty bits the good stallion paid us, we have one thousand, two hundred and seventeen bits."

Needles nodded. "Well then, how 'bout we make that a nice round number?  Seventeen bits, plus the topaz deposit, an' you're free to go."

"Seventeen bits?  Are you out of your mind?!" Toro protested. "The Boss will kill us if we show up with such a small haul!"

"Look, if it'll make ya feel happy, I'll split the topaz with ya fifty-fifty," said Needles. "'Sides, I know what makes the Boss tick.  He won't bother us."

Toro paused for a moment. "Alright, Señorita Needles," he relented. "But this topaz deposit better exist."

"Oh don't worry.  It does," said Little Strongheart. "It's just south of here, at the edge of deer and antelope territory.  You can't miss it."

"Much obliged, hon," said Needles. "Now, about those bits..."

"Sure, sure!  Right here," said Flim, tossing the bits at Needles's feet.  Toro quickly scooped them up and placed them within his cloak.

"Pleasure doing business with you, potros," he said. "But be warned.  If it turns out you're lying about the topaz, we're coming back."

"Barrin' that, y'all have yourselves a nice day," said Needles sweetly. "Alright, Toro.  We're done here.  Let's vamoose or whatever."

Toro snorted and dove back underground, with Needles not far behind.

"Well, that was interestin'," said Braeburn. "Is there really a topaz deposit to the south?"

"Last I checked," said Little Strongheart. "I doubt the deer and the antelope got to it.  They usually keep to themselves."

"That's a relief," said Braeburn with a sigh. "I guess we won't have to deal with them anymore."

"Hopefully," said Little Strongheart. "Though I'll be honest.  This is the first time I've ever seen a dragon bandit.  I've never even heard of this Bull's Eye Gang, but if they have dragons with them, they must be pretty nasty."

"Well, no use dwelling on that," said Flam. "They're off our backs and not our problem anymore."

"But we're still billing you seventeen bits to make up for lost revenue," added Flim.

Braeburn sighed. "I've lost the strength to argue with y'all.  Let's jus' get movin', alright?"

"Agreed," said Flim. "Onward!"

With that, the transport began moving again.

"I hope those fillies are fairin' better than us.  For their sakes," Braeburn muttered bitterly.