//------------------------------// // Bananas, Bananas Everywhere // Story: The Neighanderthal // by Mr. Grimm //------------------------------// “Okay, here’s the plan,” Twilight said as she nervously paced back and forth in her living room, “We’ll all split up and search each a section of Ponyville.” She turned to the five ponies and the small dragon who were tiredly slouching in the sofa before her. “How do we know he’s still in Ponyville?” yawned Rainbow Dash, running a hoof through her messy mane. “We don’t,” Twilight replied, “Which is why we need someone to search in a circular pattern a ways outside the town limits. Fluttershy, Applejack, that will be your job.” As she spoke, the unicorn dragged an easel with a map of Ponyville into view. Various markings had been hastily scribbled onto it only moments before with colored pencils, dividing it up into different sectors. “Applejack, Fluttershy, you’ll search here,” continued Twilight as she ran her hoof along a big red circle that surrounded the town. “Both of you will move along this line in a clockwise direction. Rainbow Dash,” she moved to point at a blue-tinted portion of Ponyville, “You’ll look uptown. But you’ll only be searching on streets that face east and west, and you’ll be checking public buildings in an alphabetical order.” The unicorn’s zealous gaze shifted over to the form of Rarity, whose mane was still in curlers. “Rarity, You’ll also be looking uptown, but you’ll be patrolling streets that run north and south. Likewise, you’ll also be checking into public places in an alphabetical order.” Twilight left the confused face of the white mare and moved on to the smiling pink mare that sat next to her. “That leaves Pinkie, Spike, and myself to search downtown. Pinkie, you’ll take the streets that run east and west, and Spike and myself will take the ones that go north to south.” The pink mare nodded vigorously and was about to comment when Twilight rushed back to the map. “Now, in the event that we fail to find him before nine A.M., Everyone needs to switch with their respective partners and, if they haven’t fully finished their list of public places to check, finish checking. If we haven’t found him by eleven A.M., Applejack and Fluttershy will switch routes with Rainbow Dash and Rarity, while Pinkie, Spike, and I will take Applejack’s and Fluttershy’s place.” She paused for a moment and looked out at her companions. “Did everyone get that?” ****** A pony stood on the corner of Sugar-Cube Street and Market Avenue, leaning against the brick wall of the post office. His eyes peered out from the shadows at the enormous tree in the center of the town square, glowering with determination as a crooked smile spread across his face. Despite one or two setbacks, things would go ahead as planned. All he had to do was wait a bit before taking action. Just stay in the background while everypony went about their business. Then, when the time was right, and the five other mares had left, he’d move in. His target would never suspect him. He’d be just like any other pony who came in looking for a book. And then…then… His ears perked up as the library’s door opened. The mares’ visit with the librarian had been shorter than expected. That meant he could finish the job ahead of schedule and return home, possibly earning a record for shortest time taken in completing a mission. Even better, he might receive a promotion. However, the corners of his grin began to buckle as he countered the number that left the building. One, two, three, four, five…and six…plus one dragon. He bit his lip and let a sigh out the side of his mouth. Of course the librarian would leave with her friends, throwing yet another wrench into his designs. If she remained with her friends, it would be impossible to carry out his task. He wouldn’t dare approach the librarian when the other Elements were near. Not only would that go against his orders, but to do so would go against his common sense. But just as disappointment took hold of him, something happened that reopened the window of opportunity. Rather than remaining together, the six mares parted ways, each one quickly vanishing down a separate street. All of them, except the librarian. His golden gaze followed the purple unicorn as she rushed past him. His flustered frown eased out into a smile. Once again, things had changed, but this time they might have done so to his advantage. The pony could follow and get a better chance at observing her. Maybe she might venture somewhere where he could perform his job without any witnesses. A shortcut through an alley, perhaps… A few moments after she had passed, he donned an innocent smile and started trotting after her. ****** Powerful hooves beat against cobblestone as Tarpan rushed into Ponyville. The Neighanderthal looked about the awakening town with wide, vigilant eyes, despite the fact he had spent the better part of the night exhausting himself in the mud pit. They scanned for one particular roof-line among the dozens of colorful structures. He was certain that the bug-pony had returned in the night to finish its invasion of the pony-dwelling. Tarpan didn’t know exactly what it was trying to accomplish, but its intentions couldn’t have been anything but malevolent. Behind him he heard the concerned and somewhat indignant voice of the mare--Trixie, as she called herself--demanding to know where they were going. Tarpan technically knew, as he could remember the what the pony-dwelling looked like, but could not actually recall how to get there. Ponyville’s unusual and confusingly colored layout made it somewhat difficult for him to navigate, and he had not been paying attention to his surroundings during the chase the previous night. The only thing that he could remember was that it was somewhere near the large, open space in the middle of the town next to Twilight’s tree. And if he were to go there, he could alert Twilight of the bug-pony’s presence. But before Tarpan could reach his destination, something happened. As he was galloping down the road, something found its way into his nostrils. Something familiar. It was pungent and odiferous, similar to the harsh stench of a…stinkbug. And its source was very, very close by. The Neighanderthal suddenly froze dead in his tracks, coming to a screeching halt in the middle of the street. The mare behind him barely managed to stop herself from running into him. “Look, Mr. wild-stallion,” she sighed in-between her winded gasps, “I really don’t have time for this. We need to get back to Canterlot to…to…” Her eyes widened in disbelief as Tarpan suddenly started down an alleyway. She let out a tired sigh of frustration. “Oh, come on!” she moaned as she once again took after him, “It’s too early for this!” ****** Edgar loitered in the darkness of an alleyway, watching the purple mare neurotically trot up and down Baker’s Street, talking to the small dragon on her back. He couldn’t hear quite hear what the topic of their conversation. But he could hear the heavy anxiety in the unicorn’s voice as she spoke with the reptile. Whatever they were discussing, it seemed to be of great importance. Edgar felt the need to get closer, but he didn’t want to be seen. Not yet. Maybe later when she was somewhere more public he could get away with idling next to her. His disguised ear turned as a noise sounded off somewhere behind him. A heavy-hoofed gallop, slowly growing louder, echoing off the walls and trashcans. The changeling’s false face paled. If that noise wasn’t what he thought it was, then his name wasn’t Edgar Grubb. The changeling’s aching body turned just in time to allow him to see a muddy blur plowing through the rusted garbage cans and old crates, heading directly towards him. ****** “Twilight, slow down!” cried Spike as he struggled to remain on the mare’s back. “No time!” replied the unicorn as she zigzagged around the ponies who were just now emerging from their homes to begin the day, “We’ve got to find him before something happens to him!” The reptile clutching her mane rolled his eyes. “Happen to him? What’s going to happen to him? The guy took down a Lybbarde; I don’t think anything’s going to bother him.” “Spike, that’s not the point,” Twilight huffed anxiously as she dodged a street cart, “The point is that he’s only been thawed for twenty-four hours, he wandered out into a world he still doesn’t completely understand, and if we can’t find him I’ll have to explain to the princesses that I lost the only surviving member of a prehistoric race!” “…Well, when you say it like that, I guess it does kinda sound bad,” Spike admitted, “But don’t get so worked up about it. We’ve only been out here for fifteen minutes. We’ll find him eventually--” The words were barely out of his mouth before something exploded behind them in a flash of green light. Twilight and Spike whirled around to see two smoldering figures come tumbling out of the alleyway, scattering trash all over the street. A vendor selling bananas screamed and fled as the two figures crashed into her pushcart, sending bits of wood and yellow mush in every direction. The librarian and her assistant were suddenly coated in banana paste. This would normally have irritated Twilight to no end, as she knew that it would take forever to get it all out of her mane. However, her disdain for her predicament was quickly forgotten when she noticed the pony sitting in the wreckage of the cart. It was none other than the Neighanderthal they were looking for. Both Twilight and Spike gaped blankly at the relic for several minutes. Then, Twilight broke the silence by running up to the stallion, awkwardly slipping and sliding on the liquefied fruit that blanketed the street. “Tarpan!” she cried, “Tarpan, where have you been?!” The muddy stallion turned to face her, looking just as surprised and relieved as she did. He opened his mouth to reply when a loud, irritated voice rang out from the smoking alleyway. “What-what was that?” it coughed, “Mr. Wild-Stallion, did you--” The voice gave way to a yelp as an azure mare slid out into the open on a rogue banana peel. She just barely managed to stop herself inches away from what could have been an unfortunate collision with a lamppost. Letting out a sigh of relief, she carefully inched around to face Tarpan, eyes narrowed in annoyance. “Don’t ever run off like that again!” she barked, “And what do you mean tackling ponies like that? Do you want to land yourself in jail before my--I mean, our career even begins?” “…Trixie?” The show-pony’s eyes went wide as she suddenly noticed the identity of the purple mare standing only a few feet away from her. There was a similar shocked expression on the unicorn’s face as she stared at the magician. “Trixie?” she muttered, “What are you…uh…doing here?” It seemed to take a moment for the azure mare to reply. “Why…Hello, Twilight,” she said at last, “I’m here because of a little, ah, misunderstanding with my new acquaintance here.” Twilight followed Trixie’s eyes to the Neighanderthal. The librarian gaped at the stallion. “Tarpan, what have you been up to?” “Wait,” asked Trixie, her eyes shifting back and forth between Twilight and the relic, “Who’s Tarpan?” “That’s Tarpan,” said Spike as he thrust a thumb toward the stallion, “He vanished last night from the library.” Trixie frowned, now looking very confused. “But…why would there be a wild-stallion in the library?” Both Spike and Twilight raised an eyebrow at the magician as she waited for an answer. “Wild-stallion?” said the lavender unicorn, “Trixie, Tarpan’s not a wild-stallion. He’s a Neighanderthal.” The magician’s eyes widened in bewilderment, now looking more confused than ever. “Neighanderthal?” she echoed, peering back at Tarpan. She leaned in closer, squinting at the relic. “You mean a…cave-pony?” “Well, I suppose that’s one of the terms that could be applied to him,” answered Twilight, “But there are a number of early equines that could be labeled as ‘cave-ponies’--” Everyone suddenly jumped as Tarpan, who had been trying to interject the whole time, let out a concerned bark. “Bug-pony!” he blurted, “Twi-light, Therr is bahd bug-pony in Ponyvighlle!” Twilight, Trixie, and Spike all looked on in amazement as the stallion stood up and pulled a limp, banana-caked form out from the ground beneath him. Several good shakes sent the yellow mush flying, revealing the bruised exoskeleton of a certain spy. “A changeling!” came the simultaneous cry of the three onlookers. The creature in question let out a weary gurgle, its dull blue eyes fluttering open to give a weak, hateful glare at its attacker.