//------------------------------// // Drones and Dumbasses (Dash) // Story: Stuck in a Rainbow // by theRedBrony //------------------------------// "Mmm… You smell delicious…" The big, scary, sharp-tooth-ed human standing at the side of my bed looks like he's about ready to eat me! "Don't eat me!" I yell! "Why not!? I just woke up and I'm sooo hungry…" The weird guy standing over me smiles evilly. Humans have… big… sharp teeth… "B-B-But you can't! I'm fattening!" "Oh, as if I can't change the way I look, unlike you… fatass." He lunges at me with his arms out. "AAAAAAHHHHH!!!" What's he doing?! I punch him in the gut! "OOH!!" He gets knocked back and I jump out of the bed. I can't go for the door, he's blocking me. I look at him doubled over in pain… must have been a good punch… All this bucking crap that's happened to me… it finally gets to me. I let it all out on this creepy guy right here. Punch after punch after punch. I think I blacked out for a second because now I'm just sitting on top of this guy and looking at his bloody face. Did I do that? Wow. He's out for the count. I get off him. Hmm, that's funny, nopony woke up from all that commotion? I quietly open the door and look around. Nope. Hmm, what should I do? Let's see, what would my friends do? Apologize softly then walk away slowly. Trap him in a force field or something. Complain about his fashion sense. Throw him a party tomorrow. Hogtie him. Hmm…… Ah, a job well done. He won't be bothering anypony any time soon. Bed sheets don't make the best rope… and I'm not too good with knots, but it'll do. I'm still pretty tired. Think I'll hit the hay. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Huh? Wha? I open my eyes. I see Claire kneeling over the guy that attacked me last night. "What the hell is wrong with you Church!?!?" "Oh yeah…" I sit up and rub my eyes. "He came in here last night and attacked me. Said he wanted to eat me or something creepy like that." I yawn. Rarity-guy walks in. He looks sleepy, must have just woke up. "Wait…" Claire starts. Oh boy this looks bad for me, don't it? "…This isn't my brother!" Oh maybe not. Gotta get lucky sometimes I guess. "What do you mean that isn't your brother?" I ask. I didn't even know he was supposed to be! "I mean just look at him, he doesn't look like Conner. I mean, maybe a bit, but…" She pushes his busted lip up and looks at his huge, sharp teeth. "So then where is he?!?!" Rarity-guy just mumbles, "...Same as with the guys..." All these weird things going on, all these weird guys… sharp teeth… 'as if I can't change the way I look'… "…Changelings…" I mutter. "We should tie him up… betterly… those sheets don't look like they'll hold him." I chuckle, "Hey, I was improvising!" He walks out of the room and comes back soon after, with some rope. "I keep rope stashed all over Claire's house, in case of rope emergency." He winks at me. Ok…? I lend a hoof in re-tying this guy up. "Should we try to wake him up?" I ask. "Sure, I don't see why not." He shakes the guy on the floor. It doesn't work. Rarity-guy looks to me for suggestions. "Smack him?" I shrug. He gives him a few slaps on the face. "Harder," I say. A couple more and he starts to come to. "Ah! What's going on? What's happening sis?" The guy says. "Shut up!" Claire kneels down and looks the guy dead in the eyes. "Where is my brother?!?!" "What? I'm right here sis!" "Fuck you! No you're not!" He doesn't answer her. "So where the fuck is he?!?!?!" She demands again. "He's in the closet, he should probably come out." He smiles at that. Claire's eyes light up in rage and she clocks him right in the face. Looks like he's out for the count… again. She got… scary all of a sudden. Remind me not to tick her off. "Should we check the closet?" I ask. Claire jumps up over to me and… THUMP "OW!" She punched me in the face! HARD! "What the buck?!" Ow! My nose is bleeding! Rarity-guy is holding her so she doesn't come at me again. "What the hay is wrong with everypony?!" "Alright maybe she shouldn't be here for the questioning of this… person. Just wake him up again and ask him some more. Make sure you figure out where Claire's brother is." He drags Claire out of the room kicking and screaming, and leaves me alone with this tied up mystery imposter here. After cleaning up my nose bleed and slapping this guy awake again – which I admit was kinda fun – I get down to business. "Who are you?! Are you a spy?!" "I am changeling drone number 10231. Why the fuck should I tell you who I am?!" "Ah ha! So you ARE a changeling!" "Damn Fetlock Holmes, you sure outsmarted me." "Where's Claire's brother?!" "Wow, didn't you check the closet?" I get up and check the closet in this bedroom. It's empty. "HAHAHAH! YOU FRICKIN' DUMBASS!" I go over and kick him in the ribs. "Where is he?!" He coughs and wheezes for a second, then looks up at me. "Why do you care? Shouldn't you be figuring out where you are?" He asks softly, giving me puppy dog eyes and a pouty lip. "Because I… wait a minute. You mean you know… who I am?" "Who's who, now?" He asks sarcastically. He knows who I am… and he's a changeling. I guess those other guys were changelings too? Are changelings behind all this? What the hay is going on around here? "Ok, I'm gonna ask you again, what did you do with Claire's brother?" "Calm down, he's safe... somewhere in town." "Oh yeah? Where?" "Awww c'mon, that's no fun." "…Yeah, that's the idea." "What's wrong? Don't enjoy a challenge Dashie?" "Are you kidding me? I love a good challenge!" Aw, buck. "Haha, then go find them. Good luck." "Aww…!" I blew it didn't I? Hey, wait… "What do you mean, 'them?' " "Are you dumb? What do you think I meant? Those books you read must be absolute shit." "What? No, Harry P. was awesome! Wait, what does that have to do with anything?" "...I'm saying maybe you should read something that makes you more… smart-er." "That's it! I'm done with you!" I walk out of the room. "HAHAHA, goodnight!" He yells after me. "IT'S MORNING!" I yell back over my shoulder. He mumbles something back but I can't hear him from down the hallway. I find the two I'm looking for in another bedroom. "Well…" I start. "So did you find out where he is?!" Claire demands. She's scary when she's angry… "He said he was safe, and 'in town'," I do air quotes. "I couldn't get an exact place…" "…You..." Claire growls at me. "There's more… he said I should go find 'them.' So… it's not just your bro, Claire." I look at Rarity-guy (whose name I STILL don't know!) hoping he'll get my hint. He speaks up, "Alright, we should probably go looking for them. We'll bring Not-Conner with us, ya know, so you don't kill him." He glares at Claire. "Meh, if we have to…" I shrug. We dragged this changeling guy out to the car and threw him in the back seat. Me and Rarity-guy get in and he starts driving. "Alright," he starts, "let's check out all the abandoned buildings first. If they aren't there then I only have one guess as to where they're hiding them." "Wow, thanks for bringing me with you Dashie, you're so kind." I look back at the changeling and he's wearing an evil grin. I look back to Rarity guy and he looks at me with one eyebrow way higher up on his face than it's supposed to be. "Dashie...?" He asks. "Uh… I'm uh… this is…" I stammer. "Oh he didn't know? I'm so sorry Dashie, what should I call you so he doesn't figure it out?" "Buck." I insert my face into my hand. "Roger that, Buck." "Oh for the love of Pete!" "Uh, Church, what's this clown talking about?" Great.