//------------------------------//
// Chapter The Fifth 
// Story: The Nine Trials 
// by InspectorSharpWit 
//------------------------------//


Chapter the Fifth, or “In Which We Hail the Enemy”


In light of the news, I turn to Applejack, trying to keep my nerve. “Make sure that the ship stays in the best shape it can be. I want all of our systems to be at optimal conditions while we fight these guys.”
She gives me a salute and rushes off to attend the rest of the engine crew. I turn to Rarity to find that she had a surprised look on her face. “What are you so shocked about?” I ask.
“You of course!” she says in amazement. “I’m sorry, but I never knew you could be such a leader!”
She’s not the only one, I smirk to myself before returning my attention to my First Mate. “Enough of the compliments, we need to be on the bridge now to confront the attackers!”
She nods and we run off, passing many distraught crew members as we do so. When we arrive, we find Rainbow Dash and Pinkie frantically pressing buttons on the screen, while Twilight paces nervously at her dashboard. “How’s it going up here?” I ask urgently.
“The Jamines have stopped firing, but their ships are still surrounding us.” Rainbow Dash reports. “Pinkie and I are trying to find a way out, but it isn’t looking easy…”
I turn to Twilight. “Have you alerted Starfleet?”
She shakes her head. “All communication has been fried! We can’t talk to anyone but the Jamine ships, and they’re keeping their silence!”
“Have you tried fixing it?”
“Of course I’ve tried fixing it!” she says irritably. “I’ve tried everything, even magic! Nothing’s working!”
I flip open my communicator. “Jackie, status report on the ship?”
“Nothin’ but a minor scrape,” she says back. “They barely grazed us, but Ah gotta feelin they were just lettin’ off warnin’ shots.”
“Fluttershy, and injuries?” I ask.
“No, none yet, though poor Miss Evoch is shivering!”
I let out a sigh of relief. “Alrighty then… Now all we have to do is sit here and wait until the Jamines are ready to talk to us…”
As if summoned, a small beeping comes from Twilight’s dashboard. “It’s coming from the leading battleship,” she announces. “They request to speak with you about a surrender.”
I sit down into my swivel chair. “Hail the enemy,” I command.
A large screen slides in the front of the room. The image flickers a bit before showing our aggressor, a man with a thin, lined face and grey hair. His ears are sharp and pointed, and his nose is almost beaklike. His sharp, ice-cold eyes look piercingly at me. “To whom do I owe the pleasure?” he asks in a deep, cool voice.
I look straight into the camera. “Captain Sebastian Fabio Espinosa deSalvador of Starfleet,” I reply. “And you?”
“Commander Nav-I of the Zuir clan, leader of the Jamine Imperial Fleet,” he says haughtily.
I raise my eyebrows. “The Galactic Federation was under the impression that the Jamine Empire was disbanded,”
His eyes flash with anger but he forces a fierce smile. “The Galactic Federation was obviously misled.”
I chuckle. “We tend to do that. After all, we all make mistakes.”
He makes a weird clicking sound, obviously one of disdain. “The Jamines do not make mistakes. We are beings of superior intellect and judgment.”
“Well, superiority aside, we have to talk,” I say seriously. “Not only has your government violated Federation code by purchasing a banned substance, but you and your fleet have accosted a Starfleet ship without provocation. These two offenses are enough to cause you and your people some serious consequences, but if you allow us to go now and finish our mission, I would be more than happy to negotiate some form of-“
“The Jamines do NOT negotiate,” Nav-I interrupts imperiously, “especially with beings as low as human kind!”
I sigh and turn to the crew in exasperation. “Why is it that aliens always hate human kind?” I ask them before turning to the screen. “I mean, we’re flawed, sure, but isn’t everyone?”
Nav-I’s nostrils flare in anger. “The Jamines are NOT flawed. They are the superior lifeform, and will not tolerate being slandered and insulted by a lower form!”
I fix my eye on him. “I take it that you won’t be accepting our offer?”
“No, Captain Espinosa, it is YOU who will have to accept OUR offer,” he says grimly. “Surrender now, tell the Federation that we will not abide their rules any longer, and that it would be in their best interest to no longer interfere with our business.”
I give the Jamine commander a grin. “Seems to me that your people has had this all planned out.”
He gives me a little nod. “The Jamines are experts in strategy and tactics. We are ALWAYS planning.”
“Well, unfortunately, us ‘lesser beings’ need a little time to pull ourselves together,” I admit.
He smirks. “You have two and a half hours to give us your decision. If you do not reply, you and your crew will be destroyed.” With that, the screen flickers and turns off.
I turn to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. “How’s that escape route coming, girls?”
“Well, we’ve got good news and bad news,” Rainbow Dash begins. “Good news is that the Jamines do have a strategic weak point, and it’s kind of easy to get through.”
“Then what’s the bad news?” I ask.
“It’s too easy!” Pinkie Pie exclaims. “Like, super-duper-mega WAAAAY too easy to fly through!”
“They probably have something up their sleeves for that one,” I admit, looking at the screen. “Still, I can’t see how they’d be able to get us from there… Let’s avoid that, to be safe. Anything else?”
“Well, yeah, but it isn’t pretty,” Rainbow Dash admits. “It involves doing a corkscrew between the ships at warp speed, and losing ten percent of the ship in the process.”
“Well, that one will have to be a last resort,” I sigh as I turn to Twilight. “Any communication so far?”
“None at all, Captain,” Twilight admits. “They’ve got something that’s somehow ‘swallowing’ the signal!”
“What do you mean by that?”
“It’s hard to explain, Sebastian… The best way to describe it would be that the surrounding ships are sucking up the signal of the Enterprise VI so that it can only make contact with the Jamine ships.”
“So that’s no good…” I pull out my communicator and flip it open. “Any ideas, Jackie?”
“Ah’ve got one, but it won’t exactly be solid,” her voice replies unsurely.
“Come on, let’s hear it!”-
“Well, what if someone went on the enemy ship, found out what it was that was suckin’ up the signal, and then zapped back here and took it back to the ship?”
“I dunno… How would we be able to know where the signal’s being sucked into?” I’d ask.
“Just got a lock on it,” replies Twilight as she looks up from her screen. “Apparently, the device is located in the engine room of the back ship!”
“Twilight, you’re a genius!” I laugh, kissing her forehead.
She blushes deep red. “All I had to do was trace where the signal was going,” she said modestly.
Rarity rolls her eyes. “I’d hate to ruin such a heartwarming moment, but even if we have the location of the machine, how are we supposed to get there that before they blow the ship to bits?”
“Well, remember that teleporter Ah was tellin’ y’all about earlier? Well, Ah think that I can configure it so that you’d be able to make it in their ship and snatch up that sucker before they can know what hit ‘em!”
“Hmm… What if they’ve already thought of that?” I ask.
“Then we’re boned,” she admits.
“Wait! What if Twilight and I could mix our teleportation magic with the teleporter bay?” Rarity asked. “That’d certainly give us an element of surprise!”
“Can it be done?” I ask Applejack.
“Ah guess in theory,” she admits, “but Ah’d say we’d be treadin’ thin ice if we mess with it too much…”
“Well, it’s our best shot! What do you say, Twi?” I ask.
She gets up. “I suppose there’s no alternative,” she says, determined. “Let’s do it!”
“Alright, AJ! Get the machine ready by the time we get there! Everyone else, keep looking for some way to get out of this if this doesn’t work out!” I command.
Everyone salutes and goes to their work. I signal Twilight and Rarity to me, and we begin to make our way to the engine room. “Do you really think it’ll work?” I ask.
“It makes sense on paper…” Rarity admits. “What about you, Twi? You’re the expert in this! Could you mix magic with technology this easily?”
Twilight bits her lip nervously. “Normally, I’d say yes… I mean, back home, I mixed magic with nearly everything in my apartment! The only thing I don’t know is if human teleportation logarithms can mix easily with Equestrian ones…”
“Well, maybe we should check it out first, just to be sure,” I suggest.
“But who would take part in something so uncertain? We’re literally destroying them in order to remake them somewhere else!” Twilight exclaims. “The chances of us getting it right on the first try are astronomical!”
I feel a grin grow on my face. “Don’t worry, Twi! Starfleet has a proud tradition of sending certain people where no men have gone before! A special kind of person willing to spit in death’s eye if needed!”

At the Engine Room…

“Uh, sir?” the young man in the red shirt asked meekly. “Are you sure this’ll work?”
I look dead into the red shirt’s eye. “Look here, private,” I say in my best tough commander voice, “I’m not sure about a lot of things. I’m not sure if this tin will keep us alive in the cold, dead, lonely reaches of space. I’m not sure if there’s a merciful God, and I’m not sure just what exactly I’d do for a Klondike Bar. But let me tell you private, that if I spent time worrying about that sort of thing, I wouldn’t make it to the rank of captain!” I turn to the girls, who were waiting at the teleporter controls a few feet behind me. “Light it up, ladies!”
Applejack gives me the thumbs up and charges up the teleporter while Rarity and Twilight concentrate their auras onto the device. I turn to the private and put my hand on his shoulder. “You ready to do it for science, private?”
He nods tearfully. “I’m ready, Captain,” he sobs.
I give him a smile and go to the controls while the private walks slowly to the teleportation bay. “Alright, go!” I bellow.
The red-shirt is surrounded by a mixture of gold, purple, and blue before fading out of existence. Twilight turns to me anxiously. “Do you think he made it, Sebastian?”
“What, are you kidding me?” I scoff. “That’s like the tenth red-shirt we’ve sent! He’s GOT to have made it to the medical bay in one piece!”
I get the sound I was waiting for from the communicator and I whip it out quickly. “What’s the report, Fluttershy?”
“Well, the good news is that he hasn’t been killed, mutilated, disfigured, or harmed in any way possible.” she sighs in relief. “The only thing that’s a little weird is that he’s got an extreme urge for chocolate, but other than that, I’d say that it’s finally worked.”
“Alright, in that case, we’re good to go!” I declare. “So who’s going to come with me?”
The room gets extraordinarily quiet as no one jumps up to volunteer. “C’mon, anyone?” I ask weakly. “Rarity?”
“Oh, well, I’d LOVE to go,” she says nervously, looking around desperately, “but I, uh, have to power the teleporter. That’s right, I have to do that!”
“Ugh, whatever… Fluttershy?” I ask.
“God damn it Sebastian, I’m a doctor, not a kamikaze!” she says angrily before gasping.  “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry Sebastian! It’s just that I’ve got so many patients, and all of the medical staff needs me, and then I just didn’t know what I was saying, and-“
I chuckle. “Don’t sweat it, Shy, it’s probably just a feeling in your ‘Bones’. I guess I’ll just have to hunt down some red-shirts to help me,” I sigh dramatically before looking at the crew discreetly.
Suddenly, Twilight gets up. “I’ll go,” she says with a determined look on her face. “I can operate my end of the teleportation logarithm from the beam itself.”
I raise my eyebrow. “You sure? There’s a high chance of us not making it…”
“I’m sure,” she smiles. “Trust me; I’m used to this ‘dangerous situation’ thing.”
Applejack gets up. “Ah’ll come too,” she announces.
“Jackie, I don’t think that’d be such a good idea… I mean, you’re supposed to be operating the teleportation bay!” I say nervously.
“And leave you with her?!” she says incredulously. “Over my dead body!”
“Don’t get my hopes up!” Twilight retorts. “I might just take you up on that offer!”
“Oh God, give me strength,” I groan. “You know what? Applejack, I ORDER you, as your captain, to stay aboard the ship and man the teleporter bay. You’re probably the only one who can manage it, and I’m not risking bringing you both because that might disrupt the mission. Are we clear?”
A long silence holds before Applejack sighs in defeat and plops down into her chair. “Fine, but Ah don’t like it.”
“Good. Now shake hands with Twilight.”
She groans and takes Twilight’s hand in hers. “Tight-ass,” she mutters.
“Whore,” Twilight smirks back, sticking out her tongue.
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” I sigh as I turn towards the teleporter bay. “Rarity, go call a red-shirt over here so we can lift off.”
“Why?”
“Because someone’s probably going to die on this mission and it sure as hell won’t be me!” I say impatiently. “Now go get the goddamn red-shirt!”

Ten Minute Later…

As Twilight, the red-shirt, and I stand on the teleporter bay, I pull out a box of regulation phasers. “Alrighty lady and gent, what we have here is a dangerous weapon. We have three settings: Stun, kill, and vaporize. Point the end that isn’t the trigger at the things that you want to stun, kill, or vaporize. You got that?”
Twi nods. “Got it.”
I fix my eye on the red shirt. “What about you, rookie?”
He swallows loudly in fear. “Y-y-y-yes sir.”
“Good!” I grin. “You’re now trained to use a phaser.” I turn to the ladies at the control panels and give them the thumbs up. “Alrighty ladies, ready when you are!”
“Wait one sec,” Applejack interrupts. “There’s one more thing we need to do.”
“What’s that?” I ask.
She steps up to me and throws her arms around me. “Come back safe, sugar,” she whispers urgently into my ear.
I stand there in shock. “Uh, well, I, you see-“ I babble.
She gives me a peck on the cheek and goes back to the control panel. “You ready to do this, girls?” she says a little too loudly.
Twilight, who was glaring at me, gives a little huff. “As long as we don’t have any more interruptions,” she says scathingly.
Rarity represses a giggle. “We’re ready here, darling,” she says, trying to hide her smile.
I shake the confusing thoughts out of my head and put on a determined face. “Light her up, Jackie!”
She flips the switch, and the gold, purple, and blue aura surrounds us, wrapping and coiling around us like a vine. I feel a sudden empty feeling in my stomach, almost as if I’m fading away…
Suddenly, something goes wrong. All the air in my lungs is push out, and I feel as if I’m going to explode. My eyes are popping out of my head, but it’s all such a flurry of colors and darkness that I can’t see anyways. Then, as suddenly as it began, the horror ends, leaving me, Twilight, and the red shirt gasping for air. I turn to the purple haired xenolinguist in confusion. “What the fuck just happened there?!”
She turns to me with a sheepish grin. “Sorry, looks like I got a bit distracted!” she admits, gasping for air herself.
“Wait, we nearly DIED because you couldn’t hold your concentration?!” I ask incredulously. “Where the hell are we, anyways?!”
The red shirt’s eyes widen in awe. “Look up and see,” he murmurs quietly.
I look up to a clear purple force field around us, allowing me to see billions and billions of stars above us, each burning brightly. Little bits of rocks and ice float weightlessly above us, while a small planet hovers only a few hundred thousand feet away from where we are. “YOU TELEPORTED US TO SPACE?!”
Twilight blushes. “Hey, at least we’re on the right ship!” she points out. “All we have to do is get in!”
“And how the hell do we do that?!” I ask. “More teleportation?!”
She bites her lip. “Actually, what’s keeping us alive is preventing me from doing that,” she admits, waving around her arm. “It’s taken me a lot of energy to make this aura field so we can breathe AND walk in standard gravity AND not freeze to death in space!”
“Well, that’s just dandy!” I say sarcastically. “Now all we have to do is die out here!”
“Uh, Captain?” a meek voice interjects, I turn to see the red shirt raising his hand in question. “Do you think we could get in with that thing?”
“What thing?” I ask irritably. crashes on the ground next to us. In the center of it, a large, shivering eye of golden yellow stares at us. “AHHHHH!! SPACE PEOPLE!!” It screams in a mechanized voice.
I grin evilly. “That’ll work!” I grab the sphere by its handle, carry it over to the nearest window (which was conveniently a mere two feet away) and began to smash it against the glass. “THIS IS THE ONLY THING YOU’LL EVER BE GOOD FOR; YOU DAMN ANNOYING PIECE OF SHIT!!” I grunt angrily as I bash the machine over and over again.
“NOOO! BAD SPACE MAN!” it cries, bits of it falling out. “LET ME BACK INTO SPAAAACE!!! I MISS SPAAAAACE!!! I WANNA KEEP FLOATING IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!!”
With one last bellow, I shatter the window, sending chunks of glass floating away. With a grunt of satisfaction, I chuck the sphere as far away from me as possible, leaving it to float once again. “Good riddance, you hunk of defective junk!!” I cackle.
“NOOO! I TAKE IT BACK!” it wails. “DON’T LEAVE ME ALL ALONE! I HATE SPAAAACE!”
I wipe a little sweat off of my forehead before turning around to see Twilight and the red shirt staring at me. “What?” I ask.
“What was all that about?!” Twilight asks incredulously. “You were like an axe murderer just then!”
“Trust me, if you knew what he was, you’d do the same thing,” I assure her as I get inside of the ship. “Now come one! Let’s take this sucker out!”
Twilight sighs and follows reluctantly, leaving the red shirt all alone outside, staring at where the Space Sphere floated off. “Hey, you coming with us, red shirt?” I call.
He shakes himself out of his thoughts and jogs over to where Twilight and I are standing. Twilight focuses again, leaving a violet aura around the area we broke into. “There!” she says, apparently pleased with herself. “That’ll seal up the hole until we leave!”
“Clever girl,” I chuckle as I look around at the surrounding area. Nearly every inch of the room was devoted to strange and complicated devices, and the temperature was practically at boiling point. “I’m guessing this is the engine room?” I ask, pulling up my sleeves.
Twilight nods. “I’m glad we weren’t too off course, or we might have had much more trouble with this.”
“Oh yeah, we only had a LITTLE trouble getting here,” I smirk.
“Uh, Captain?” the red shirt asks nervously. “Now that we’re here, which one do we grab?”
“Hmm, good question… Can you tell which one it is, Twi?”
Twilight closes her eyes, as if in deep thought, before opening them again. “It’s that one,” she says confidently, pointing to a cylindrical machine about the size of a large trashcan. It was hooked on to a series of several loops of wires and was bolted down to the floor of the ship.
I bend over to inspect the bolts holding down the device. “You think you could unscrew them, Twi?”
“You didn’t bring a tool to disassemble it?” she asks in annoyance.
I shrug. “Kind of pointless when you can just do everything with magic,” I point out.
She sighs in exasperation and focuses once again. The bolts are surrounded by a purple aura before being lifted out of their holes and placed in a neat little row next to the machine. “You happy now?” she asks, putting her hand on her hips.
“Yeah, pretty happy,” I grin as I go to the back of the machine to pull the wires out of their respective modules. “Now all we have to do is lift it. You think you can manage?”
“Not this time, I’m afraid,” she smirks, putting her hands on her hips. “Unless, of course, you want me to release the air lock.”
“Fine,” I sigh. “Red shirt, get on the other side of this thing and we’ll lift it on the count of three, alright?”
He nods and gets on the other side. “Alright, let’s do this!” I begin. “One… Two… Three!”
The machine is surprisingly dense, but we manage to lift it comfortably between us. “Alright Twi, call Applejack and tell her to beam us up!” I call.
“Halt! Intruders!” a deep voice bellows. I crane my neck to see that a group of Jamites, each nearly identical to Commander Nav-I, pointing their guns at us. “Put down that piece of machinery at this instant!”
I sigh and lower the machine to the ground. “Alright, we surrender,” I started putting my hands up. “We’ll go quietly as long as you don’t- TWILIGHT, RELEASE THE AIRLOCK!” I holler as I grab the machine as tightly as I could.
Suddenly, all the air in the room gets sucked out, and several of the Jamines (and our red shirt) go flying out the window. I whip out my phaser and blast a few random machines before rushing to my communicator. “Beam us up, Jackie!” I shout hoarsely.
The familiar glitter surrounds the two of us and we suddenly find ourselves at the teleportation bay of the ship. “Oh thank the Sisters we made it,” Twilight sighs in relief.
The crew gives us a round of applause and I take a bow. “Alrighty, crew, let’s get this baby hooked up!” I say triumphantly.
A group of red shirts grab the machine and haul it to another room while Rainbow Dash runs up to us. “Dude, the ship you were on just blew up!” she grins excitedly. “What the hell did you do to those guys?”
I smirk. “You’d be surprised what damage and idiot with a phaser can do.” I wink as we walk back to the control room.
Applejack also catches up to us, slightly out of breath. “Well, if they weren’t gonna slaughter us before, they’re certainly gonna do that now.” she says warningly.
“Yeah, I know,” I say, smile fading off my face. “Twilight, see if the Jamine leader’s ready to talk some more!”
She nods and rushes off to her seat. “Rainbow Dash, prepare the best escape route you can find!” I order as I sit down in my captain’s chair. “Applejack, keep an eye on the installation of the signal-sucker, and make sure that the ship’s weapons are prepared for battle!”
Applejack salutes and rushes back to the engine room, while Rainbow Dash sits down at the screen and conspires with Pinkie Pie. “I think we should take that obvious route that we were looking at earlier. It may not feel right, but I can’t see any way they could do anything to us now- HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT THE SCREEN!”
I flip on the large display board to reveal what Rainbow Dash was freaking out about: In place of the empty space that was there earlier, a giant black swirl had taken over the area, and was growing at an alarming rate. “What the fuck is that thing?!” I gasp.
“I don’t know, but the Jamine Commander’s on the other line!” Twilight says urgently. “Maybe he’ll explain everything!”
The screen splits into two section, revealing Nav-I looking livid. “Now you and your federation shall pay for your offenses to the Jamine people!” he roars in horrible triumph. “Congratulations, for you have sprung your own trap!”
“Commander Nav-I, what is that thing?!” I growl urgently.
He lets out a derisive laugh. “That, my dear Captain, is the osha-10 that you were so keen to confiscate from us! If we cannot rule this solar system, than it shall simply cease to exist!”
“You’re insane!” I cry out in horror. “You’d rather let your people die than coexist with other life-forms?!”
He lets out a terrifying hissing noise as his eyes turn red. “THE JAMINES DO NOT COEXIST!” he bellows. “WE RULE EVERYONE IN OUR PATH, OR DESTROY THEM IN THE PROCESS!” And with a loud, mad cackle, he cuts off communication between the ships.
I turn to Rainbow Dash urgently. “What are the chances that we can warp speed our way out of this?!”
“Not looking good!” she replies, obviously shaken. “The Jamines have closed a circle around us so that we can’t even barrel through them without losing a quarter of the ship!”
“Damn it! Those crazy bastards are going to take us with them!” I groan, resting my face on my hands.
Suddenly, my communicator rings. “Captain, we’ve got the signal-sucker on our side, the shields are up, and battle stations are ready!” Applejack reports. “What are your orders?”
I turn back to RD and Pinkie. “You girls think we could blast our way through the Jamine ship blockade?”
They look at the screen for a bit before looking at me nervously. “I guess it’d technically be possible, but by the time we’re finished blasting through them, the black hole would have grown large enough to swallow us,” Pinkie explains reluctantly.
I sigh. “Well then, if we have to go down, we’ll do it on our terms! Jackie,” I say into my communicator. “Tell the crew to fire at any Jamine ship they can! We’re going to go out in style!” I sit back into my chair, looking grimly ahead of me. “Twi, alert Starfleet of the impending doom. Tell them to send a team to rescue the people in the solar system and evacuate as many as possible.”
“Yes sir,” she sniffs, tearfully saluting.
“Rainbow, map out the most aggressive strategy possible and employ it against those Jamine bastards!” I continue.
“Hell yes, sir!” she grins, leaning over the controls eagerly.
“Rarity, make sure that Fluttershy and the rest now how it’s going to go down. Bring everyone up here for the last few minutes.”
My violet-haired first mate wipes a few tears from her eyes before getting it together. “Yes, Captain,” she salutes, her voice breaking slightly before she runs off.
“Pinkie Pie?”
“Yes Captain?” she asks tentatively.
“Play ‘Rocket Man’ for us,” I sigh, tears dripping down my face.
Surprisingly, she smiles gently before turning on the music. I turn the screen on to reveal the battle outside, with so many bright beams coming at us and just bouncing casually off the ship, whereas for some reason, all of our shots seemed to send the Jamine ships straight into the void. It’s almost surreal how in this very moment, we seem invincible against an enemy that had us on the ropes less than three hours ago. I smile to myself as I watch the brilliant space battle ensue, watching the ships get blasted into the black hole. Where was this power when we needed it? I grin to myself, tears running down my face.
Suddenly, Rarity comes back from her assignment, bringing along the rest of the crew with us. “Here they are, sir,” she says softly. “Everyone’s here.”
Fluttershy flies up to me and buries her face into my neck, crying softly. “Is this really the end?” she asks.
I only smile sadly. “...And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time as touchdown brings me down again to fly.” I murmur softly. “I’m not the man they think I am at all, oh no no no… I’m a rocket man…” Fluttershy lets go of me, simply crying alone now.
Suddenly, a large ship comes into view of the screen. “That’s the ship where Nav-I is!” Twilight says urgently.
I feel an inexplicable rage go through me. “Rainbow Dash, may I have the honors?” I ask rather viciously.
She nods wordlessly and gets up from her chair. I sit down and take a deep breath before putting my hands at the control. “Yippie ki yay, motherfucker,” I growl softly, and I ram the Enterprise VI into that son-of-a-bitch’s tin can, hurling him into the growing darkness. I swear that I can just barely make out his ice cold stare glittering from the window of his ship.
I sigh and get up, moving back to my own seat. Pressing a small button on the side of the arm rest, I take another deep breath and switch off the music. “Captain’s log… I don’t know the stardate today,” I begin. “All I know is that this will be my first and last entry, just as this was the first and last flight of the Starship Enterprise IV. I want to say that it’s been a privilege captaining this crew, and that I couldn’t ask for a better way to go. It hasn’t been me that’s been leading you guys, not at all! Rather, it’s you guys that have been leading me to what we’ve accomplished today…” I switch off the captains log and watch with the rest of the crew as the ship begins to enter the black hole…
I wake up in the same blank room as I was before this whole crazy adventure began. “Is that it?” I ask the empty space. “Does the whole ‘mind travel’ just end there?!”
“Of course not, my silly boy!” Discord’s laugh rang throughout the room. “Why, it’s only the beginning!”
I turn around to find that Discord was standing right behind that. “I have to say, that exit was a bit of a tear jerker!” he chuckles, pulling out a gaudy pink handkerchief embroidered with daisies. “It’s been a privilege captaining this crew, and that I couldn’t ask for a better way to go…” he says, perfectly imitating my voice before switching back to his own and blowing his nose loudly. “It was just so touching!”
I scoff. “Yeah, yeah, well… I kind of played it out a lot when I was a teenager…”
He laughs and teleports away, only to show up right behind me again. “Well, I’m assuming that the teenaged you also made some reactions to the other eight situations that I’m going to put you through!”
My eyes nearly pop out of my head. “Whoa whoa whoa, eight more?!” I ask incredulously. “We didn’t even survive THIS situation!”
“Oh please, you’ll love ‘em!” he assures me, dismissing my panic. “Trust me on this, this has been the most fun I’ve had since a special friend of mine back here!”
“And that friend would be…?” I ask curiously.
He cackles and slaps me on the back. “Oh please, I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise too early! Now, as I was saying, this little excursion is more or less how this game is going to play out: You get to make a world of your own, and then you’ll fight a ‘boss’ that allows you to escape and move on to the next one! Seem fair?”
I think it over in my head and nod. “Seems like a fairly straightforward plan… What’s the catch?”
“Catch? There’s no catch!” Discord says innocently, a halo suddenly appearing above his head with a small ding! “I’m just helping someone live out their dreams, all from the goodness of my heart!”
I smirk. “Please, I’m a lawyer! I KNOW that nobody does ANYTHING from the goodness of their heart!”
“Really? You took in a whole village of complete strangers from another dimension out of the kindness of your heart!” he points out.
“Not really,” I admit, smiling sheepishly. “It was more because of the fact that it was almost like having a piece of my past with me! I mean, that was the best thing ever!”
He smiles a suspiciously sly smile, but shrugs his shoulders. “Ah well. You win some you lose some! Anyways, why don’t we introduce you to your next challenge?”
I open my mouth to protest, but before I do, a trap door opens up beneath me. I float there for about half a second before falling straight down into the pit of darkness…
I wake up with a slight stinging on the back of my head. I run my hand over the sensation only to find that the source was a fairly large bump on my head. Grumbling slightly, I get up and look around at my surroundings.  Apparently, I was in the middle of some forest, as there were trees with emerald green leaves everywhere. Oh goody, nature, I groan sarcastically to myself as I brush some grass off my shirt. Feeling a slight thirst, I walk towards a babbling brook not too far away and dunk my hand in to scoop up a little water. As the water settles, I see a strange image: A man with a green tunic, white tights, and a ridiculously long pointy hat. He had pointy ears and serious looking eyes, but at the same time managed to look very young.
I look behind me to check for the stranger, but there’s no one there. Looking around wildly, I finally turn back to the fountain to see that the stranger had apparently doing the same thing. I slowly raise my arm, only to see him do it too. I move back and forth, only to see the stranger mirror my every move. Finally, I touch my face, only to see him do it as well. Good God… I’m Link!
I get up suddenly, trying to make sense of it all. Alright, if I’m Link that means I must have a sword somewhere around here… I look back to the place where I was laying earlier to find a large double-bladed sword stuck directly into the ground. I cautiously wrap my fingers around it and pull it out, feeling its surprisingly light weight and admiring the craftsmanship. Indeed, the blade was tinged a sky-blue color, and the handle had been decorated with feathers that were the colors of the rainbow. A crest of a cloud with a lightning bolt coming out of it was engraved on the blade, adding an extra layer of coolness. Well, it isn’t the Master Sword, but it sure looks kick-ass, I think cheerfully to myself.
Suddenly, I hear a muffled yelling from the top of the hilt. I take my hand off to find a large crystal at the top of the sword handle. Mist swirls endlessly inside the object until a familiar face comes into focus. “Where the hell am I?!” Rainbow Dash yells.