The dark tower loomed over the surrounding trees with a menacing presence, as if at any moment the trees would fall out of line and need stern punishment. Thankfully, however, the vegetation never strayed from the usual swaying and rustling that it was known for on windy nights such as this. Celestia's sun had retired for the day, leaving Luna's moon unhindered in the night sky, illuminating the landscape so that the tower could easily be seen. There were few openings on the structure's exterior, save a few windows and observation balconies, and where there were openings, only a deep red could be seen through them.
The tower itself was plain and uninteresting to the average observer, had there been anypony around to observe it. Various shades of grey, black, and bronze were the only colors that decorated the outside. In most aspects, it looked like a lighthouse without a working beacon. At the top, its roof came to a pointy end like an exaggerated wizard's hat, with three narrow flags mounted on top. They blew aimlessly in the wind, tattered and depressing, much like the rest of the building.
Four large, mechanical legs protruded from the bottom, helping to support the tank-like wheels that allowed the tower to move. Around the building's lower foundation, the trees and bushes brushed against the hard stone and bronze as the wind disturbed them, as if attempting to tickle the serious looking tower into a laugh. It didn't work though, and the tower remained steadfast, cold and unmoving, just like its owner.
Inside the dark structure, a professor and his pet rat were sitting at a wooden table that, at one point, must have been beautiful and elegant in its design, but now stood worn, chipped, and on the verge of collapse. The doctor sat with his head buried in his arms, a primitive fortress protecting against the infant rat's constant crying. Sadly, on that particular night, the baby rat had the misfortune of soiling itself just as it realized its dreams of going to a cheese laden moon would likely never come to pass. This combination of discomfort and disappointment elevated the rat's normal shrills to a volume it had never before reached. Indeed, the creature was a pioneer in that regard, raising the bar in the wailing department. Unfortunately for Dr. Zalost, this was not a prideful achievement, instead only serving to further deteriorate his already oppressed mood.
Slowly and reluctantly, the doctor's upper torso and neck exerted enough strength to lift his abnormally large head up just enough to observe the rat and its tantrum. His red, baggy eyes came into view, as did a noticeable twitch that plagued the left ocular body, brought about whenever the pathetic creature across from him opened its mouth to scream away its troubles. It was an involuntary action, made so through weeks and weeks of a combination of the baby's crying and a little psychological conditioning.
Now the eye twitched uncontrollably, hindering half of his view but doing nothing for his tortured ears. Beads of sweat slowly made their way down his sickly green skin, stopping only when confronted with one of the liver spots that dotted his forehead. A strand of his purple hair fell to the center of his face. He blew the hair upward with little enthusiasm, causing the strand to fall back in place with the others.
At a glance, one would think that the good doctor was immune to the rat's constant sobbing. He sat there, emotionless, simply staring at his small companion with calculated indifference. What one would fail to see, would be the small elves that resided inside his head, picking up sledge hammers and other blunt objects and promptly striking his frontal lobe with hard blows of force. The sounds of crying had been slowly whittling away at the professor's waning patience, and soon enough the blockades of self control weakened and crumbled away until......
"Enough!" Zalost shouted, causing the indoor insects to cease all casual conversation. The baby rat went silent, relenting in its audible weeping, yet unable to prevent the salty tears from continuing their migratory flow down its fuzzy face.
"Why do you cry? For what purpose do you torment me so? What solution does it yield!? Clearly I am right here, and clearly I do not care about your crying, yet for some reason you continue to do it? It does not matter how loud you wail, or how much noise you can make! This won't cause me to take pity on you and it will not encourage me to change your diaper!"
One of Zalost's flaring nostrils widened as he sniffed in the surrounding odor. He quickly covered his nose. "But that smell is the only encouragement I need."
His face softened as he walked around the table. He gingerly removed the dirty diaper, his face contorting in disgust as he carried it over to the trash receptacle with his arm fully extended. With a soft thud, the foot activated lid of the trash can closed, cutting off the steamy waste's crippling stench. Zalost quickly got a new diaper from a nearby pantry and began the process of slipping it onto the infant.
"I'm sorry, little Rat. It is not you that I am angry at." the doctor said softly as he applied the new diaper. His eyes narrowed as anger gradually found its way to the forefront of his emotions. "It's everyone else. Those people in Nowhere who laughed and played as I wallowed in my own sadness. I couldn't stand it anymore! They constantly enjoyed themselves while I decayed in my tower."
After finishing the diaper change, Zalost gently gave the baby rat a pat on the head and walked back over to his seat. He applied his full weight to the old chair as it creaked and groaned in protest, letting out a long, tired sigh and resting his head on the table.
"Of course, these ponies are no better. I thought going to a place with complete happiness might combat the sadness in my heart, but it has done just the opposite. Those creatures prance around like they know nothing of suffering, hoarding all of that happiness and keeping it to themselves, not sharing it with anyone." he sneered. "But what about me? When do I get to be happy, when do I learn the true meaning of joy and laughter?"
The rat looked at him with red, sympathetic eyes. Its owner hadn't been the same since those plums from the pink dog stopped working. Slowly, the doctor had been slipping back into his depression, getting even worse than before. At first he kept himself busy by building things, like reconstructing the tower that the two now sat in. It worked for a while, offering a nice distraction for him, but then the professor's festering anger and resentment finally found its way to the surface, and it showed in his work. Zalost started building horrible machines, awful things that could only be a reflection of his inner feelings. Soon enough, the doctor had to stop his building altogether, completely obstructed by his depression.
"So why should they get to live a nice, happy life while I rot away in here? Why is it that I must suffer alone?" he pondered, getting back up, much to the chair's relief, and making his way over to the telescope that sat next to a nearby balcony. Zalost looked into the viewing lens and adjusted the scope, peering through it with envious eyes. The first image that came into view was Ponyville. The quaint little town was the first he had observed, watching as the ponies played and celebrated with one another. His tower was too far away for them to notice, but he could see everything that went on in the town. The pegasi constantly dancing around in the skies, moving clouds to and fro. The unicorns casting spells, levitating and teleporting, conjuring and manifesting while the others looked on in delight. Those without horns or wings would be just as active, working with the others to do work and have fun. Now they were asleep, probably dreaming about doing it all again upon the morrow. It was sickening to witness.
"But just because they laugh and play now, doesn't mean they will do the same in the morning." Zalost hissed, rubbing his hands together before adjusting the scope once more. Now he focused in on the city on the mountain. It looked dazzling and peaceful, perched up there above everything else as if a literal example of just how much better it was, how much happier it was.
He grimaced. "These ponies are mocking me. Even now, they laugh at me in their homes. Cheerful that they are able to keep their happiness to themselves. But, no more!" he declared, raising his voice so that, once again, the spiders and ants had to stop their own conversations. "I will show them that not even they can be happy all the time."
He scurried over to a lever that was awkwardly placed in the middle of the room. It was large and rusted, the tip covered with a red rubbery substance.
"When these ponies wake up, there will be no laughing or smiling. There will be no more love and tolerance." Zalost lowered his head so that it was concealed in shadow, only his red eyes now visible. "Tomorrow, the world feels my pain."
With that, the doctor pulled the lever, which screeched in surprise as metal rubbed against rusted metal. Down in the deep bowels of the tower, amongst a mess of steam and clockwork, a dark machine hummed to life, reverberating up through the entire structure. Dr. Zalost grinned malevolently as his greatest creation was activated, waking up with the singular purpose of changing the world into one that only he himself could ever appreciate.
"Sleep well, my little ponies..." he laughed, his body unable to remember the last time it had committed such an act. "...because tonight will be the last time you do so."
The small rat's eyes widened in fear as its owner's laughter escalated into pure madness.
* * *
Pinkie Pie awoke with an exaggerated yawn, hooves stretching out to their limits and hair quickly assuming its usual cotton candy-like form, she jumped out of bed with the enthusiasm of a child going on their first summer vacation.
"Good morning, Gummy!" she said to the toothless alligator, lifting him up and giving him a big hug. The small animal attempted to eat her snout, but failed before Pinkie set him back down on the floor.
"What a super, exciting, funtastically great day this is going to be!" she exclaimed, quickly examining herself in the mirror to make sure everything was still there, before trotting downstairs to greet Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Upon entering the kitchen, it didn't take long for Pinkie to realize that something was amiss. Usually she would walk in to see the Cakes' baking muffins for the morning breakfast rush, but that was not the case this morning.
The pink mare quickly looked around the kitchen, examining every piece of baking equipment thoroughly. She soon came to the conclusion that nothing had been used since the day before.
"Well that's weird." she pointed out to nopony in particular. Nopony nodded in silent agreement.
Pinkie immediately left the kitchen and trotted back upstairs. She quietly opened the door to Pumpkin and Pound's room. Both were still sleeping in their cribs. Pinkie couldn't see very well, as the shades were still down in the room, but she could see the silhouettes of their small chests as they moved up and down rhythmically with each's steady breathing. With a contempt smile, the Element of Laughter closed the door and proceeded to the Cakes' bedroom. It was there that she discovered the fate of the husband and wife.
The mare opened their door slowly, though not as gingerly as the babies', and saw the Cakes still laying in bed.
"Ummm, helloooooo." Pinkie said loudly. "Why are you guys still asleep? The morning rush starts in thirty minutes!"
The pony wasn't aware that there would not, in fact, be a morning rush that day. The Cakes didn't react to her intrusion, simply staring off into space.
"What in Equestria is wrong with you two?" Pinkie asked, starting to get worried. She zipped over to the bedside and ripped off the sheets from the bed, gasping audibly and ascending into the air at the same time. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were both green and sickly looking, offering no reaction to the absence of the bed sheets.
"W-w-what's going on? Why are you green?" the mare asked in shock. Neither Cake offered up an answer, choosing instead to remain silent. Pinkie turned away from them, addressing only herself.
"Okay, okay, okay don't panic Pinkie. There's a clear and responsible reaction that this calls for." she said, slowly exhaling and calming down.
"Twilight!!!!
The pink pony bolted out of Sugarcube Corner, screaming the princess' name all the while.
It didn't take long for Pinkie to reach the Golden Oaks Library, actually taking close to five or six seconds. She knocked on the door seven times with a hoof.
"Twilight, hurry! Something awful's happened!" she yelled. The alicorn didn't come to the door. Pinkie waited another ten seconds before knocking again, this time with her face. Once again there was no reply.
"Twilight?" Pinkie asked, confused. Suddenly, arguing could be heard from the other side of the wooden door. Pinkie wasted no time, sensing that her friends were in trouble. She turned around and wound up her back legs, slamming them into the door and splintering it. Another hard buck successfully opened the door, breaking it and effectively destroying the aspirations it had for one day being the front door of Canterlot Castle.
"Twilight, what's wrong?" she asked as she entered the library. Another gasp escaped her lips as she saw Twilight and Spike having a screaming match in the middle of the room. Both were just as green as the Cakes had been.
"Well then maybe you just don't need an assistant anymore!" Spike shouted, throwing a book down on the floor.
"I never needed an assistant! Celestia just made me take you in after I was done hatching you during my entrance exam. You were a means to an end!" she harshly retorted. Steam came out of the green dragon's ears.
"Yeah right. You wouldn't be half as successful as you are now if it weren't for me! I'm always guiding you and telling you what to do next when I'm not serving as your butler and getting you stupid books!"
"Oh whatever, Spike. You're just jealous." she accused, closing her eyes and turning away from him. "Ever since I became a princess, you've been right there in my shadow, envying my royalty and wishing you could have wings since you seem to be the only dragon without any!"
Spike seemed truly hurt by these words, but quickly got over it in time to reply. "Oh yeah? Well you know what? I do wish I had wings, so I could fly far away from this stupid place." He walked around the library and started grabbing various supplies. "But I guess I'll just have to walk away!"
"Good, I'm glad!" the alicorn screamed, walking into her room and magically slamming the door. The impact caused a large stack of books to almost fall on top of Spike, but the dragon swiftly dodged it as he left through the now doorless doorway that led out into Ponyville.
Now Pinkie was alone in the atrium, mouth agape and eyes wide with utter disbelief.
* * *
After trying several times to get Twilight out of her room, and failing miserably at each attempt, Pinkie Pie decided to seek the help of another one of her good friends, Applejack. She galloped along the dirt path leading to Sweet Apple Acres, determined to find out what was going on.
All over town, ponies were green and sad. They walked along, dragging their hooves and hanging their heads low. Some couldn't even walk, merely sitting in the streets and leaning on buildings for support. She had passed by Cloudchaser, who was completely horizontal in the street with Flitter lazily resting her head on her back. Neither one seemed at all aware of the other's presence, as though their minds were not their own. Thunderlane was hanging from a rooftop as if he'd been flying when the wave of sadness hit. He just dangled there, his back hoof caught in a gutter, staring at Nurse Redheart as she dug at the ground with her snout. On her way out of town, Pinkie had tried every trick in the book to get a smile from at least one of them, but to no avail.
"There's gotta be an explanation for this!" she said to herself, determined to find the source of the problem. She thought back to the numerous villains and ne'er-do-wells she and her friends had encountered over the course of their lives being Elements of Harmony.
"I guess it could be Discord." she thought out loud, trying to reason it. "He did make us all turn grey and become the opposite of who we truly were, but this doesn't seem the same. I mean they're green, not grey. Plus he's usually around to laugh and make jokes about the whole thing." she sighed. "That was my favorite part about when he got free......well that, the chocolate rain, the cotton candy clouds, the walking gravy dish, and the dance off was pretty fun."
The pink mare also had to address the elephant in the room. The elephant that walked right up to her and had been slapping its big, hairy trunk across her face since she left the library.
Out of everypony in town, why do I seem to be the only one who isn't affected by......whatever this is?
She had to put that thought on the back burner for now, as Sweet Apple Acres came into view. Pinkie hurriedly walked up the steps of the farmhouse, wondering if it was even worth it to knock on the door. Before she could even decide, however, a faint sigh could be heard around the house. The pony quickly leaped off the front porch and did an unnecessary roll, before making her way around the house.
"Applejack?"
The farm pony was laying on the ground, green as expected, and apparently napping. She was on her back with her Stetson covering her face.
"Applejack!" Pinkie shouted, walking over to the once orange pony and removing the hat. "This is no time to be....." she stopped talking upon the realization that Applejack wasn't sleeping at all, she was simply laying there staring up at the sky. "What are you doing?"
Applejack managed to shift her gaze over to the pink pony. "Nothin'." she struggled to say. Pinkie's face brightened at this small victory. Nopony else in Ponyville had even uttered a single word, except Twilight and Spike.
"You can talk!" she shouted, hopping up and down with glee. Applejack regarded her a moment longer before turning back to the sky. "You.... can talk right?"
There was an awkward pause. "Mhmm." she said with a yawn.
Pinkie was on the verge of tears. "Applejack, what's happened?"
"Don't rightly know. Just feel like...... sleepin'." she said, turning her back to her friend.
Pinkie Pie stood there for five whole minutes, not knowing what else to do. Both Twilight and Applejack had succumbed to the same condition everypony else seemed to be experiencing, and on top of that, she seemed to be the only pony in town not completely down in the dumps.
"NO, I can't give up like that! There's just got to be a way to fix this."
The earth pony thought hard, considering every option. Going to Canterlot didn't seem like a good idea. The train wasn't running, and hoofing it to the city would take days, not to mention she didn't know how widespread this phenomenon was.......
"What the hay is that annoying humming!?" she asked aloud, completely put off by the low hums that seemed to be surrounding her. Quickly climbing up a nearby apple tree, Pinkie reached into her mane and produced a pair of binoculars. She looked around the fields, her movements random and sporadic, hoping to find the source of the humming. Soon, her scoped eyes fell upon a large tower rising in the distance. At first she couldn't tell what it was, but then she realized it was getting closer. The trees in front of it fell to the ground, unable to pick up their roots and move out of the way in time. Pinkie saw massive, metallic legs moving up and down, bringing the large structure closer to town.
"What in Equestria....?"
The tower stopped just outside the Everfree Forest. The humming was even louder than before, and Pinkie quickly realized the tower was its source.
"I'm not a betting mare, but if I had to, I'd place a pretty big bag of bits on that thing being what's causing all the unhappiness."
With new determination and a plan slowly formulating in her sugar filled brain, Pinkie set off back to town.
* * *
Dr. Zalost gently pet Rat as he looked through the telescope. Much like he anticipated, all of the ponies were now sad and depressed, just like him. If he had suffered from a debilitating mental illness, this would be the part where he would hi-five his multiple personalities and they would go enjoy some ice cream and bad television. Since he didn't have any such ailment, and since television waves didn't travel between worlds, so even the worst shows from Lifetime couldn't find their way to his T.V., Zalost decided that playing some Sudoku with Rat would be a fine alternative.
"Come, little Rat. Let us go inside and play. For once in my life, I might actually have more fun than the rest of the world."
The doctor turned to go inside when something caught his tired eye. Glancing back out at the mountain, Zalost soon saw what the strange thing was. Fireworks, they were going off above Canterlot.
"What is this?" he gasped. Looking through the scope once again, he saw that ponies in Canterlot were not depressed at all, and were actually enjoying themselves, oblivious to the happenings in Ponyville.
"Who has a fireworks show in the middle of the day? That is ridiculous." he pondered, quickly shaking his head. "I mean, how are those ponies still happy!? They should be incapacitated by sadness right now!" he growled. "Come Rat, we must figure this out at once."
He and the small rat quickly retreated back into the tower.
* * *
Pinkie Pie galloped as fast as she could, running past pony after pony and not seeing a single happy one in sight.
Gotta get some supplies from Sugarcube Corner, then I'm off to that dark, nefarious looking tower.
She galloped and galloped, entering town and then stopping dead in her tracks. The Carousel Boutique stood to her left, the door fully open and swinging in the slight breeze. Pinkie thought for a moment before concluding that she should check on her friend, Rarity, before continuing. The earth pony cautiously entered the store.
"Rarity?" she called. "Are you here?"
"Of course, darling." the unicorn said nonchalantly, extracting a startled squeal from the pink pony. Pinkie Pie was about to jump for joy that her friend was alright, but immediately saw the sickly green color had befallen her as well. She was now laying on a couch with her rear hooves crossed.
"Rarity, you're..... green." Pinkie hesitantly informed, as if the unicorn wasn't already aware and that telling her so would result in her immediate transformation into a hulking beast that would promptly eat her in one bite. The fashionista did not turn into a large monster, nor did she give much of a reaction at all to her new color scheme. She halfheartedly looked herself over.
"Oh, fancy that." she said dismissively. Pinkie gave her a confused look.
"But you hate green." she pointed out. Rarity didn't respond. She closed her eyes as if trying to sleep. "Hey Rarity, why was your door open?" Pinkie inquired.
"Oh, Sweetie Belle must have left it open after she stormed out this morning. I caught the little brat looking over my recent dress designs and gave her a stern talking to. She's lucky I didn't kick her to the curb right then and there."
Pinkie gasped. "How could you say something so mean?"
Rarity raised an eyebrow. "What? It's not like she's done anything for me. All she does is complain and squeak in that annoying little voice of her's. Most unbecoming. I mean really, she runs around all day with those two other ruffians, trying to earn her cutie mark, when we all know she isn't good at anything. Unless you count making my life miserable as a special talent.......uh.......Pinkie?"
The earth pony was gone.
"Tsch, she could have at least closed the door on her way out. Ponies here are so uncivilized."
* * *
"My machine isn't strong enough to reach the entire world. It can only cover a town or city?" Zalost spat in annoyance. "How am I supposed to make the whole world unhappy with those kind of results?"
He sat in the large, leather chair in his office at the top of the tower, rubbing his hands together and thinking. Rat was patiently sitting on his lap, occasionally burping, but otherwise staying quiet.
"There must be a way to boost the signal so that it reaches all the land. I won't be happy until everyone else isn't!"
His thoughts slowly and stealthily turned back to when he had assaulted Nowhere. All of the money, all of the unhappiness, and then those plums. The Happy Plums that the woman and dog had given him. How happy they had made him. Zalost never thought he would attain that kind of joy in his life. He was actually happy, for a small amount of time.
The smile that had crept over the doctor's lips quickly turned into a scowl.
"But it was all a lie!" he screamed, startling Rat into a crying frenzy. "I couldn't hang on to that kind of joy. It slipped through my fingers like sand and there was nothing I could do to stop it. No physical thing can make me happy, I realize that now. And if no physical thing can make me happy...." he grabbed a nearby bar of gold and threw it out a window. The glass shattered and fell to the floor, creating little sounds as the shards landed. "...then what hope is there for me?"
Rat stopped crying and thought for a moment, which angered Zalost to no end. "None! That's what." he shouted, causing the rat to quiver in fear. "And if there is no hope for me, then I guarantee you there is none for anyone else."
* * *
After retrieving some things from Sugarcube corner and feeding Pumpkin and Pound Cake, Pinkie now ran to where she'd last seen the tower. Random supplies jingled around in her saddlebags and Gummy firmly grabbed the mare's tail in his toothless mouth, hanging on for dear life.
"We're almost there, Gummy. We just have to get up in that tower somehow." she assured. The tower in question steadily came into view, right where it had stopped before.
Alright, this should be simple.
The pink pony stopped at the base of the tower. It was humongous up close, higher than any building she'd ever seen before. "Alright Gummy, you're up." she said, grabbing a rope from her bag and tying one end to the alligator's tail. After a few practice throws, Pinkie grabbed the animal and chucked him to a window. Naturally, the alligator bit down on the window sill, a feat not easily achieved by a toothless predator.
After a couple tugs to ensure the rope was secure, Pinkie expertly scaled the side of the tower, causing little discomfort for Gummy, and gingerly climbed into the window, pulling the alligator in right after. Most ponies didn't know that Pinkie Pie had actually been in a secret black-ops ninja group for three years, going on dangerous missions and taking on international criminals before settling down in Ponyville.
After stuffing the rope back into her saddlebag, the mare quickly looked around the tower. Even with the sunlight pouring in through the windows, it was impossible to see anything beyond several feet in. A small, red light was dangling from the ceiling of that particular floor, and a metal staircase spiraled down into the black abyss. Pinkie stuck her head out over the edge of the balcony she was on, trying and failing to see what sat at the bottom of the tower. While seeing anything was an impossibility, she could definitely hear machinery as it constantly worked away at whatever purpose its creator had given it. Occasionally, Pinkie would see a bolt of electricity as it shot from one metal pylon to another, but even that light didn't provide enough illumination to make out anything useful.
Fearful of what waited down at the bottom of the structure, and curious as to what resided at the top. Pinkie decided to take the high road and travel up the metal staircase towards the top of the tower. She carefully walked up each step as quietly as possible, an act that was unnecessary since she could have fired off three party cannons at once and the noise would have easily been covered by the sound of the machinery. Of course, no guardrails had been placed on either side of the stairs, which made falling off the edge and getting swallowed by the darkness below a very real possibility. Slowly and cautiously, like a squirrel on a power line in the middle of a wind storm, the pink pony made her way up to the trap door at the top of the staircase.
* * *
Dr. Zalost looked over the sheet of paper carefully, reviewing each piece of data individually. "So, my machine isn't the problem after all." he realized, turning to Rat. "This data shows that the signal is strong enough, and is reaching all over the world, but for some reason, for some accursed reason, only the ponies within close proximity of the tower are being influenced."
The professor scratched his head as he tried to think of a reason for these strange results. The scratching soon turned into pounding as he groaned in anger. "It does not make sense! The signal is reaching the ponies, but the ponies remain unaffected! How can that be possible!?"
"Hey!"
Both the doctor and rat looked in surprise at the pony who had just burst into the room through the trap door on the floor. Pinkie made sure she had their attention before continuing.
"Are you the one who's making everypony in Ponyville all sad and bitter?" she asked.
"Well, it seems not everypony...." the doctor mumbled. "How is it that you remain unaffected? This close to the device should have rendered you depressed, unhappy, and angry! Yet still you are here, clearly not depressed." he looked her over. "Although you do look quite unhappy."
"I'm unhappy, because you made everypony else unhappy! Put things back to normal you big meanie!"
Zalost smiled. "Or what? What are you going to do if I don't?"
"I'll......" Pinkie put a hoof to her mouth in thought. "Um, I'll...... I'll never invite you to a party as long as I live!"
The doctor's crooked smile turned into a full grin. "Oh, that really hurts. I don't think I'll be able to survive another night without a pony party." he jested, feigning distress.
Pinkie's eyes started watering. "Why are you doing this? Why make the town unhappy?"
"The town? I don't care about the town! I want the whole world to feel my pain! They must know what I go through day after day without any respite! If I must live a life void of happiness, then I will ensure others do as well! All I must do is find out why my signal isn't affecting the other ponies beyond this town."
"Pfft, good luck trying to do that, Mr. Unhappy Pants. Twilight told me that as long as the Crystal Empire remains happy and joyful, that same happiness will spread all over Equestria, and everypony will be happy.
Mr. Unhappy Pants' eyes went wide as he heard her words. "What do you mean? What Crystal Empire?"
Pinkie rolled her eyes. "Duh! The one that's directly north of here, next to the Crystal Mountains, in the Frozen North."
"And you're saying that the emotions expressed in that Empire will then spread throughout the rest of the world?"
"Exactly, so good luck trying to make the whole world sad as long as the crystal ponies are happy!" she said victoriously, standing proudly.
A twisted grin appeared on Zalost's face that reached from ear to ear, just as Pinkie gasped and put a hoof to her own face, realizing what she'd just done.
"Hehe, I mean Crystal Empire? What Crystal Empire? There aren't any crystal ponies, silly." she said, trying to cover her error. The doctor just laughed.
"Thank you, pink one. You're contributions to unhappiness everywhere will be forever remembered. You are truly a hero to the cause."
Without another word, Zalost pulled a lever that was conveniently sitting right next to him, which activated a trap that, even more conveniently, Pinkie happened to be standing on. A soft click could be heard beneath the floorboards as Pinkie looked down at her hooves. Then a square portion of the floor shot up from the ground with the help of a large metal spring, launching Pinkie through a hole in the roof and out of the tower. The doctor smiled and turned his attention to the tower control system.
"Come, Rat. We have a world to oppress."
The tower squealed to life as the legs began walking and the wheels began turning. The tower headed north, straight for the Crystal Empire.
* * *
The pink mare's screams could be heard well before her shadow appeared on the ground, marking the spot in the dirt where she would land. However, just before impact, Pinkie stopped in midair, readjusting her trajectory to land harmlessly in a large body of water. Preparing herself, the pony resumed screaming as she concluded her fall into the water, causing a massive splash. A few seconds later, her head broke the surface.
Spitting out an abnormally large stream of water, Pinkie looked to the tower that was now travelling away from town, shrinking from view.
"Oh no! I have to stop that thing before it reaches the Crystal Empire." She punched one hoof into the other. "That mean creature can't be allowed to ruin the world with sadness!" as she said this, Gummy fell from the sky in silence, landing comfortably on her fluffy mane.
"Let's go, Gummy. We have a world to save."
The duo quickly made for Ponyville, determined to stop the madman before it was too late.
As she ran, Pinkie Pie was joined by Rainbow Dash. The blue pegasus flew out of nowhere and fell in beside her friend, flying effortlessly at a cruising speed.
"Hey, Pinkie. What's up?" the rainbow maned pony asked casually.
"Can't talk now. Gotta save the world!" Pinkie hastily replied through heavy breathing.
"Oh yeah? From what?" Rainbow Dash inquired.
"A really mean creature with a big green head is bringing his spider tower to the Crystal Empire, where he hopes to plunge Equestria into total depression!" she hastily explained.
Rainbow raised an eyebrow at this, but simply shrugged her shoulders. "Alright then, need any help?"
Pinkie shook her head. "I'm the only one that can get close to the tower without succumbing to the bitter sadness that his weirdo machine thingy makes."
Rainbow started to look confused, but quickly disregarded it as another "Pinkie Pie adventure". She had learned not to take her friend too seriously after she tried convincing her that she was part of some black-ops ninja group.
"Oh, you know what's weird Pinkie?" she asked, changing the subject.
"Wha-what?" Pinkie asked between wheezes.
"Well I only woke up, like, a few minutes ago. I mean, I never sleep in this late. I'm usually one of the first one's up in Ponyville, then I just nap periodically throughout the day. This is the first time I've ever overslept." she informed.
"Makes sense....... machine isn't....... here anymore." the earth pony replied, truly gasping for air as the two reached Ponyville.
"Okay then...." Dash said hesitantly. "I'm gonna go take care of some weather jobs around town. Catch ya later Pinkie." the pegasus flew off in another direction.
"Bye."
Pinkie stopped galloping upon reaching Ponyville, catching her breath and keeping herself from passing out. Surprisingly, a diet consisting of baked goods and candy wasn't the best way to stay in shape. After bringing her heart rate back down to the high three-hundreds, she looked around town and watched as ponies slowly recovered from their depression induced comas. Still weary from the effects of the machine, many ponies were still on the ground, scratching their heads and asking each other what happened.
Cheerilee was busy helping Flitter and Cloudchaser to their feet, while Nurse Redheart mended Thunderlane's sprained hoof. Scootaloo was in front of a shop, dazed and struggling to get back on her scooter.
The pink pony would have liked nothing better than to explain the situation to everypony and throw them all a big party to get their spirits back up, but that tower was headed straight for the Crystal Empire, and Pinkie couldn't rest until it was stopped. Hurriedly, she galloped past the recovering ponies and found her helicopter parked behind Sugarcube Corner. Hooves planted firmly on the pedals, saddlebags secure, and alligator biting down, the rotors began spinning and Pinkie was soon airborne.
I'm gonna need a looooooong nap after this. she thought, too tired to speak.
* * *
Dr. Zalost's tower slowly, but surely made its way north, flattening anything that was unlucky enough to be in its path. After setting the initial direction, the doctor himself resumed a rousing crossword puzzle as Rat sucked on a pacifier.
"Hmmm, what's a six letter word for 'a goal to be reached'?" he asked Rat. The little creature just looked at him, dumbstruck. The doctor tapped a pen on his head as he bit into a slice of pizza.
"Purpose? No." he thought harder. "Aim? No." he concentrated. "Objective? No!" he started getting upset. Looking out his window, the professor watched as the white, snowy land that is the Frozen North came into view. His frown promptly turned upside down.
"HEY YOU!" he heard an annoyingly familiar voice say.
And just like that, his mouth did a one-eighty and was once again a frown. Quickly, Zalost hustled over to a nearby balcony. It took him a moment to spot the pink pony riding what looked like a candy covered chopper.
"Stop trying to......uh......do bad things!" Pinkie shouted.
"I really do hate these ponies." he stated matter-of-factly.
Pressing a button next the balcony, Dr. Zalost was suddenly sitting in a large, quad-barrel anti-air cannon, complete with projectile guidance systems, four types of ordnance, and jumbo-sized cup holders. He quickly positioned the crosshairs so the cute little skull in the middle was directly over the incoming pony.
"Target acquired."
The doctor's eyes lit up with a sudden revelation. "That's it!" he shouted in joy. Quickly, he jumped off the seat of the cannon and scurried over to the table where the crossword puzzle sat, waiting impatiently. He scribbled in the word Target on one of the vertical lines. Now, with his initial mission accomplished, Zalost hopped back in the seat and reacquired his target.
"I have you now." he smiled. Pulling the trigger, he let loose a barrage of Unhappy Cannonballs that soared through the air, heading straight for Pinkie's helicopter.
"Uh oh...." she said, taking evasive actions. She spun her chopper around in a spiral motion, dodging the first few cannonballs. They cried in anguish as they zipped harmlessly by, unable to achieve their purpose in life. Pinkie breathed a sigh of relief, which was promptly cut short by the sight of more incoming fire.
"We might be in trouble here, Gummy." she said, stating the obvious. The two were getting close to the tower now, which made it all the more difficult to avoid the projectiles.
Squeezing the trigger hard, the doctor's very bones shook as the weapon vibrated, firing a stream of ordnance at the helicopter. Pinkie dove down, then quickly pulled back up into a steep climb. Her aircraft threatened to stall out as she was chased by the cannonballs.
"Hold still, you annoying equine!" Zalost shouted in annoyance. Sending ball after ball toward the helicopter, but hitting her with none. After another flurry of shots, he had no choice but to retreat into the tower as Pinkie headed straight for the balcony. Instead of gracefully landing next to the cannon, she crashed nose first into it. Unhappy Cannonballs rolled all around the room as the anti-air weapon slid to a halt, a mangled shell of what it once was. Pinkie's helicopter fared no better, and was now sitting on the balcony where the cannon had once been, its broken rotor steadily slapping against the ground as it spun to a stop.
Dr. Zalost looked up from his dive, searching for the pink intruder, but unable to locate her.
* * *
Pinkie struggled to open her eyes, and even when she did, all she saw was blackness. Looking up from where she was, she could see the light from the top of the tower, quickly realizing that she must have fallen from the ledge when she crashed. She now sat at the bottom of the structure.
As her eyes adjusted to the darkened atmosphere, she could barely make out the machinery that was down there with her. Much of it was old and rusted, every inch covered with dust. There were gears and Tesla coils, beeping doohickeys and gadgets, none of which she knew anything about. What she instantly noticed was how quiet it was. During her first visit to the tower, she could barely hear herself think, but now one could hear a pin drop.
She got up, realizing she had landed on a large pile of packing peanuts, when suddenly a large television screen turned on above her, first showing static, but then switching to a zoom in on Dr. Zalost's beautiful face.
"Ah, so that's where you landed." he said slyly. "Do you like what you see? That machine is what caused all of the unhappiness in your little town." Pinkie examined the machine with the new light provided by the T.V., noting the creepiness and evilness of it. "Of course, its turned off right now, but as soon as we reach the Crystal Empire, I will reactivate it, and the entire world will share in my depression." he chuckled.
"Fat chance!" Pinkie retorted. "You couldn't even hit me with those stupid cannonballs, so how are you gonna stop me from breaking your precious machine?"
The professor now looked past Pinkie, observing something behind her. "Make fun of my aim all you wish, pony, but it seems that I did manage to hit one of you."
Pinkie looked at him, confused by what he meant, but then she started hearing a noise behind her. Turning around, she saw that Gummy was......changing. He was growing larger, his front feet turned into sharpened claws, his once toothless mouth now contained a plethora of large, pointy teeth, and he soon had the body of a professional body builder. His normally purple eyes were now a rage filled red, and he regarded his owner not with the usual indifferent affection, but with anger and predatory hunger. When he finally stopped growing, he stood on two legs, easily twice as tall as Pinkie, and about five times her weight. A small, heart-shaped tattoo with the word Mother written on it had somehow manifested on one of his arms.
"G-g-gummy?" she stuttered. The alligator responded with a loud roar, as it raised its claws and got ready to pounce.
"In the past, I've noticed that my Unhappy Cannonballs have an unusual side effect on small animals." he smiled. "You two have fun."
The T.V. flipped back to static as Gummy attacked, charging full steam ahead and almost striking the pink mare, but just missing as she ducked. He recovered quickly and swiped at her again with a mutated claw, Pinkie barely able to stay outside of his range. Thinking fast, she picked up a metal gear that was lying on the floor and used it as a crude shield.
After ineffectively striking her a few more times, the alligator ripped the gear away with his jaws, leaving her defenseless. Once he made a quick snack of the gear piece, Gummy got down low, tired of the fight she'd already put up and not wanting to miss again. With another roar, the alligator charged in, his sights set on the pink pony he'd tried to bite time and time again throughout their lives together. Now, he would bite her for the last time, and she would finally feel it.
Pinkie's mind was completely garbled by Gummy's transformation, but now as he charged at her with intent to harm, her brain sifted through the useless thoughts and came to one conclusion.
Jump!
And jump she did. Right before the ferocious alligator hit his mark, the earth pony jumped into the air as high as she could, landing unsteadily on the staircase that led up to the top of the tower. Without another thought, she climbed. Hoof after hoof, she worked her way up the stairs. Gummy was right on her tail, however, unwilling to let his prey slip away.
* * *
Dr. Zalost felt the snow as it blew in through the window. They had reached the Frozen North. Looking through his telescope, he could see what was undeniably the Crystal Empire. The ponies there were laughing and playing, just like everywhere else.
But soon, they wont be able to lift a hoof with all the sadness flowing through them.
He laughed maniacally at this. Finally, his dream would be a reality, and no one would be safe from sadness.
"Not so fast!" a voice said behind him.
"What?" he exclaimed through gritted teeth.
Pinkie Pie stood above the trap door on the floor. She quickly slammed it shut and activated the locking mechanism. Not a moment later, loud banging and roaring could be heard from the other side.
Zalost face-palmed. "Wow, I really should have locked that thing."
"Well it's too late for that, big meanie. I'm already up here! So Haha!"
"Yes, I can see that. And it's Dr. Zalost to you, pony." he corrected.
"Oh yeah? Well it's Pinkie Pie to you!"
Before she could react, Zalost hopped over to a tarp covered object, grabbing the tarp and ripping it away to reveal a black, old fashioned cannon. Pinkie looked at it in shock. "Something from my last little campaign." he explained. "Call me nostalgic, but I do love this thing."
He pointed the weapon directly at Pinkie, producing a match and striking it against the cannon. Immediately, the match lit on fire and he lit the fuse on the cannon's back.
"So Pinkie Pie, you clearly have some sort of immunity to my machine, but lets see how many cannonballs it takes to make you disintegrate from shear depression."
Looking between the doctor and the lit cannon, Pinkie didn't run, or dodge, or jump, or produce a cannon of her own, though she did have one. She didn't fight back or scream for help. The pony merely asked a simple question.
"Why?"
Dr. Zalost looked at her, confused. "Why what?"
"Why are you doing this?"
He sighed. "Have you not been paying attention? I'm miserable! I can't feel joy or happiness, I can't laugh and play. All I feel is depression and bitter sadness! So I will ensure that everyone else feels the same."
"But why are you always depressed? It's not like it can't be fixed." Pinkie stated.
"It can't be fixed, trust me. I've tried everything in the world." he assured. Pinkie thought for a moment.
"You haven't tried me."
The doctor raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"I bet I can get you to be happy. It's really easy for me, since it's kinda my job."
Zalost looked completely bewildered. "I seriously doubt you can make me happy."
"Okay, how about this. Let me give you something out of my saddlebag, and if it doesn't do the job, then I'll let you shoot me with your meanie cannonballs." she offered.
The professor thought about the proposal, then hesitantly licked two of his fingers and extinguished the fuse that was getting dangerously short.
"Fine."
Pinkie smiled and trotted up to the tall, skinny figure. Reaching into her bag, the mare brought forth a plate of cupcakes and handed them out to the doctor. Zalost stared at the baked goods skeptically.
"What are these?" he asked.
"Cupcakes." the earth pony answered innocently.
Zalost looked at her, then the cupcakes, then back to her, then the cupcakes again. Gradually, his look of confusion turned into one of anger. He swatted the cupcakes out of Pinkie's hoof.
They both watched as the plate of treats crashed to the ground, sending bits of porcelain and cupcake all over the floor. This slaughter of baked goods was one that would not go unnoticed by the cupcake community.
"Stupid pony! You think cupcakes will help my sadness? I've tried things like that before, but they don't last." he said, his eyes starting to tear up. "Nothing ever lasts."
He put a sleeved arm to his face, trying to prevent himself from crying. This feat was impossible though, as thoughts of Courage, Muriel, and the plums that they'd graciously given him slowly entered his sad brain. He thought about Rat, who seemed to have always loved him unconditionally, even when he started falling back into his old ways. The Rat would always be ready and waiting to show his love, regardless of Zalost's desire to return the favor. Try as he might, the good doctor couldn't hold back the tears that now forced there way out of his eyes. They flowed now, like confessions of the soul, screams of the heart.
"Why am I so sad? Why can I not feel the warmth of love?" he asked, tears running down his cheeks. He felt a pressure on his shoulder, turning to see Pinkie Pie resting a hoof on it.
"Maybe it's because you don't let yourself have any friends." she suggested. Zalost looked at her.
"It can't be that simple..."
"Listen, I didn't give you those cupcakes because I thought they would make you feel better." she said, wiping some tears from his face and kneeling him down so that the two were at eye level. "I gave them to you as an act of kindness and friendship. No material thing can bring you happiness, but the concept of it, the prospect of happiness is what it's all about."
"I don't understand."
"Happiness is something that we all need help to find sometimes. Those cupcakes were a gift to you, something that I did out of love for you, not out of fear for myself."
Zalost's skin became less green as he listened.
"My friends were all hurt by your machine. They lost sight of the happiness that made them who they were. You just lost your way too." she explained. "I'm always cheerful and happy because I have such great friends to remind me to be that way. We all have the capacity to be happy, but others are there to both share and escalate that joy and love."
The doctor's skin was almost completely flesh colored again. His eyes were no longer red, but still he looked down in sorrow.
"But I don't have any friends." he admitted.
"I'm your friend, silly. Half the fun of friendship is making new friends."
"I....I don't....." Zalost felt a tapping on his side. Looking down, he saw Rat looking back up at him. The creature's red eyes stared into his, and finally he understood. After all of the times the rat had tried consoling him, this was the first time he let his armor down enough to see what had been there the whole time. "Come here, Rat." he invited, opening his arms.
"Alright, I think I get it now." he said, giving Pinkie a grateful smile. She returned it, but then looked back to the trap door as it shook from Gummy's furious pounding. Her eyes saddened.
"Don't worry, friend." Zalost comforted. "I can fix that."
He went to a cabinet and dug through some old supplies. In the very back was a large, pink cannonball. Brushing off the cobwebs, the doctor carried it over to the trap door and threw it down. Instead of bouncing off the door, the ball went right through it, as if the sphere were ethereal. Right after the cannonball disappeared, the banging and growling behind the door subsided.
Pinkie's heart fluttered as she lifted open the door and found her little alligator standing on the other side. He was completely back to normal and now regarded her with his purple eyes. Anypony else would have seen a look of indifference, but Pinkie saw the love and affection that was displayed on the alligator's face.
"Oh, Gummy!" she said, hugging the pet tightly.
She turned back to Dr. Zalost, who had just finished flipping some switches and pushing some buttons on his control panel.
"Thank you, Pinkie. I.........I don't think I'll be sad anymore."
"Hey, that's what friends are for." she replied with a wink.
The doctor picked his rat up and pet it softly on its head. "Come on, Rat. I think it's time we went home. Perhaps we can go make some new friends as well."
"Just make sure you come back and visit." Pinkie instructed. "I still have to throw you a 'welcome to Ponyville and thanks for not plunging the world into eternal sadness' party."
Zalost nodded and surrendered a chuckle. "Of course I will, Pinkie."
The two stood there, holding their respective animals and exchanging a look of genuine friendship, a look that showed the good doctor that even he was capable of finding happiness.
* * *
"Then Dr. Zalost helped me fix my helicopter and Gummy and I flew off into the sunset. And that's how I saved Equestria!" Pinkie proclaimed, lifting her hooves in the air pridefully before letting them fall back down onto the log she'd been sitting on as she told her story. The other ponies around the campfire stared at her, utterly baffled.
Finally, Apple Bloom broke out in laughter. "Ah come now, Pinkie Pie. We all know that ain't true."
"Yeah Pinkie, do you think we're really that gullible?" Twilight added.
"What?" Pinkie gasped. "B-b-b-b-but it's totally the truth! You girls don't remember any of that stuff?"
They all looked at each other. "You mean when we all kind of blacked out that one morning?" Rainbow Dash inquired.
"Exactly! That's the day it happened!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"Oh come now, darling. I'll admit that day was a bit odd, but you can't honestly expect us to think that some crazy creature from another world came and made us all sad and depressed. It was clearly just some strange anomaly is all. " Rarity dismissed, hugging Sweetie Belle tightly.
"But it's true!" the pink pony pressed.
"Yeah right. All of us being green, pfft." Spike said, scratching his head. The dragon still wasn't sure why he'd woken up on the outskirts of Ponyville, with a bunch of random supplies, on the day in question.
"This is obviously just another Pinkie Pie fairy tale." Twilight concluded.
"Totally. Remember the time she said she was part of that ninja group, or whatever?" Rainbow Dash laughed.
"Or the time she said she fought off a changeling invasion with nothing but a mustache and spatula?" Fluttershy giggled.
"Or how about the time she said Discord stole her bowlin' ball so she had to challenge him to a dance off to get it back?" Applejack pointed out.
They all laughed in unison while Pinkie just frowned.
"Don't get us wrong Pinkie, they're all really fun stories, but they can't seriously be true." Scootaloo explained.
After another round of laughter, they all went back to roasting marshmallows over the fire. Pinkie turned away and pulled out a photo. She looked at the picture in the flickering light of the fire. There she was with a bipedal creature that stood twice as tall as her. He had fair skin and soft eyes. In one arm he held a small rat that was smiling happily. The other arm was rested gently on her shoulder. Gummy sat on her mane as they all smiled for the camera. His was a smile of pure happiness, and the pink mare returned the smile even now as she sat at the campfire.
Maybe it's better if they don't know.
Pinkie hid the picture once again before turning back to the fire and skewering a few marshmallows to roast, the sweet smell of s'mores soon filling her nostrils.
THE END