You're not Rainbow Dash

by Boxed Rainbows

2. Foood

"What in the heck was that?" I said looking towards the door.

"Collin got roomed with Twilight." Sarah said not even batting an eyelash while laying on the bed mashing her thumbs against her phone like a lunatic....or an average American...

"How do you know that?" I asked turning to look back at Sarah... Who was now somehow standing right next me....

"Twilight texted me." She said while she thrusted it at and promptly smashed my nose.

"OW Shi- Oh hey it's true" I said rubbing my now throbbing nose.

"I'm gonna to go check on him... justincase." I slurred the last words hurriedly while walking to the door, looking for any excuse to leave the room....What? Don't judge me.....

As I was finally in arms reach of the doorknob, Three things happened. First, the universe put out a Hit on my nose because the door came alive and pimp slapped the shit out of me. Second, I was thrown to the ground twitching. Lastlly a purple haired girl ran In, paused to step over me, and then continued on in. And the rest is a little bit fuzzy seeing as how at the moment I was as impaired as Charlie sheen is intoxicated on an average Tuesday, but I vaguely remember Sarah suddenly flying at the, what I'm assuming and hoping for her parents sake, purple haired Cosplay girl.

"Twilight!" Rainbow screamed while she slowly released the girl.

"So you're roomed with my drag of a brother?" She asked with a smug face, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, but I don't mind-"

"I'm not a FAG!" Collin cut 'Twilight' off as he walked into the room.

"I said drag," Rainbow said putting her phone into her pocket.

"Well, to be fair..." I cut in, actually eliciting a laugh from both of girls...is that how you use elicit?

"SHUT THE FU-"

"U MAD?" I taunted back before he could even finish , same as always. I mean that's how it always goes, in our friendship I'm the annoying cool guy and he's the one with three flat screens, a Billiards table, AND a pool. A fair trade off if you ask me.

"Ugh- Whatever.... but what sick twisted Non-specific Religous deity forced me to be roomed with her?!" Collin said in just a few tones below a shout while pointing at Twilight.

"Hey she's not that bad of a person!"

"That bad?..." But Twilight's argument was interrupted by what now equated into a gibberish shouting contest between Collin and Sarah, oh excuse me, "Rainbow".

At this point it was literally so incoherent the only way to even begin to understand them would to probably have a masters degree in Psychology, or to be a mind-reader...Or just plain be siblings, which is precisely why they were able to keep this up.

"UGH, SHUT THE FU-" Rainbow shouted while trying to flip the bird at Collin, but before Sarah could pull out the middle finger could stand tall she was interrupted by my stomach gurgling. Everyone immediately faced me with the Are you Serious face at attention, but were also suddenly interrupted by their stomaches growling.

"HA!" I called out triumphantly

"We'll finish this after we eat!" Collin and Sarah shouted simultaneously at each other. They paused for a second, then both sprinted out the still open door.

"Shotgun!" They yelled in unison while running out of the room. A loud "DAMMIT!" Followed quickly.

"I guess it runs in the family.... " I said to no one in particular. However what I was met next with was unexpected, the purple haired girl actually laughed, well...actually more like let one out then slapped her palm against her mouth, silencing herself.

I turned to face her, and was promptly met with an Glare Colder than Rush Limbaugh's.... I'm actually not even gonna finish that one.

"Uh...Ladies first?" I said while awkwardly motioning towards the door. She only let out an annoyed sigh as she walked out of the room.

"Wow, bit-." I said as I walked out of the room, or at least would have had the door not slammed in face before i could finish talking.

"DAMMIT!" I cursed loudly before throwing open the door and went to catch everyone else. Collin and Rainbow were waiting down by the car while Twilight was halfway there.

"WAIT UP!" I called out to her. She turned to look at me...and then sped up.

Wow, Friggin biiiiiiiiiiitc-

"HURRY UP!" Collin yelled down the hall, cutting off my train of thought.

"Did we really have to go here?" Rainbow asked while face palming.

"What? There's nothing wrong with Cheeseburger Prince." I said walking into the empty restaurant.

"Meh" Twilight shrugged her shoulders while walking into the restaurant. I held the door for everyone, much to their indifference, and then began to walk towards the cashier already knowing what I wanted to eat.

"WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT?" The Cashier screamed at me in a not exactly angry biker that you just hit with your tone, but still someone you'd probably cross the street when you saw tone.... Oh wait, I get what he wants me to do now...

"I WANT A FLOPPER WITH MED SIZED FRIES AND A MED COKE." I screamed in about the same tone.

"Wow, what the crap is wrong with you?" The cashier asked with a smile.

"And would you like ketchup on your Flopper?" He asked putting in my order.

"Yes please" I said going back to pick a spot to sit in the restaurant. Here? I mentally asked myself before examining the table. To which I found ketchup smeared all over the back.

"No" I sighed. Here? I mentally asked before checking once more.

I glanced at the table, the seat, and the back. Eh everything seems fine here and OH MY BLACK JEEBUS WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT? Oh, sitting here seems alright. I almost instantaneously forgot about the sin against nature itself under the table and went to the empty, CLEAN booth. I waited a couple minutes as the other 3 got there orders.

Collin was the first to come as he sat in the seat opposite of me. "Dude you forgot your order up there." Collin said nomming on a single fry. "Really?" I asked an amount of sarcasm so dense, Simon from American Idol would have said...well... nothing good.

Collin raised his eyebrow in response. "Really? You seriously didn't hear my shouting match with cashier?"

"No Dipthong, your orders ACTUALLY READY!" He over exaggerated the last deliberately.

God dangit, I really didn't want to get up and go get it.

"Here you go idiot." Rainbow said tossing a tray right infront of me on the table. "Oh hey thank- WHERE ARE MY FRIES!" I turned back to look at Rainbow as she has a mouthful of fries.

"Oh you bit-"

"Animals!" Twilight said being the last one to the table with a Salad. Really? A salad? She is giving up something so amazingly glorious like meat, for a SALAD. Only because, she wants to act like a character from a show...

And then Realization bitch slapped me upside the face, and opposed to the universe's pimp slap to the nose Wait, for the love of God and Black Jesus, Please don't tell me... Rainbow, also has a salad sitting on her tray. ...ARE THEY REALLY TAKING IT THIS FAR?! Why would they do this?!?!?!

"Oh c'mon, are you seriously thinking of taking the pony thing this far?" I asked removing my food from my bag. "What's next, walking around on all fours buck-naked...actually on second thought-" And before finishing my joke, I interrupted by a quick elbow to the stomach.

Now, the elbow didn't hurt, but I figured I should make another joke, considering I was interrupted by a certain SOMEONE!

"Cooollliiiiinnnn, She hit me!" I said in a whiny voice while rubbing my stomach overexageratingly...that's a word now.

"You act like it hurt" Collin half said, half chuckled out as he put down his Flopper Jr. To which I in turn, picked up mine and began to eat.

"She doesn't hit very hard and it affects her self esteem" Collin said while putting on a Mock-Doctor Phil-like voice.

"I CAN MAKE IT HURT!" Rainbow yelled eyeing him.

"That's what he sai-" And that's as far as Collin got, seeing as how Sarah lunged across the table at him.

They engaged in an epic battle, ruining My Food, their food, The Table, tons of innocent fries, and it only ended with both of them panting on the floor next to the table.

Myself and Twilight both stared wide-eyed at the scene next to us. Well, more accurately she was eyed, and I was two seconds away from having a mental breakdown at the sigh of my ruined, half eaten burger. About a second later she snapped out of it and once again, began to munch on her salad.

At the sound of crunching of crunching vegetables, I snapped out of my daze. And figured it was finally time, to ask what had been bugging me since about five minutes prior.

"Why'd you give up meat?" I asked turning to face her.

She her left eyebrow at me, swallowed, and then quickly, responded.

"Because animals are Ponies to!"

Did she just say Pon-!..... Let it go, deep breaths, deep breaths...

She raised her eyebrow once again. And then I responded.

"Fruits and Vegetables are...PONIES too."

She immediately shot me the Seriously? Face.

"No there not."

"Yes they are."

"No there not!"

"Yes they are! And I can prove it!" I declared at her.

"Really now," she said while nodding slightly, before overexageratingly(WORD NOW!) jamming her fork into the pile of vegetables, and the slowly brought the fork to her mouth.

"Prove it." She stated before wrapping her lips around the base of fork right below the teeth, and Slowly pulled her head away, making sure to take all of the food with her, chewed very slowly, and then swallowed, slowly. I knew right then that she was trying to spite me but...

Hummana hummana hummana boner!.... I thought, and then shook my head desperately trying to unthink.

"No?" She asked with a slight smirk, before once again mostly-spiteful-but-kind-of-erotic at her salad.

I stooped shaking my head instantly and met her gaze, with a very, VERY, serious expression.

"Annoying Orange." I announced a moment of silence...She nearly choked at the response.

She coughed twice, before simultaneously clearing her throat, AND stabbing her fork into the salad AGAIN!

"Ha! That's an Internet show!" She replied triumphantly while taking another bite.

"And in Ponyland the Internet doesn't exist, so you don't know that!" I laughed while putting on my sunglasses. She glared at me, then put her fork on the table.

"I think we're done here..." She wiped her mouth, got out of the booth, and nearly sprinted to the car. I sighed before looking down to the panting Sarah, and the silently sobbing Collin laying on opposite sides of the table.

"Yeah, I think so to" I chuckled before stepping over the two siblings and exiting the burger-joint.

"I still can't believe you ate my fries." I said while trying my hardest to organize my luggage into a dresser. Which really just amounted to CLEAN STUFF GO IN, DIRTY STUFF ON GROUND!

"Think of it as payment for me bringing you your food." She replied in a rather happy tone while once again, pulling out her PHONE.

"Ugh whatever, It's going to go straight to your thighs Sarah." I said while jumping on my own bed taking out my iPod Touch....What? I'm not a hypocrite, It's an iPod, there's a difference.

She responded by throwing a pillow at me. To which I responded by casting an Icy Glare to intimidate her.....It Failed!

"My name is Rainbow Dash, and besides. I know even if it's true you won't stop looking." Rainbow said while bending over to get into bed, or so I thought until she turned her head and locked eyes with me, smiling like the joker on an average....I've use that to much haven't I? My cheeks turned a nice shade of red in response.

"Sshh, sorry not into Bestiality Rainbow Dash". I finished , over exaggerating her name.

"Whatever...." She partially scolded, partially chuckled at. And what came next you ask? Well I firmly believe at that moment I entered the Twilight Zone...the TV show, not the Mental chick next door. But anyway, yeah, We had.....A pleasant conversation. Crazy and Unexpected right?

The conversation didn't really stay fixated, we kinda just drifted from topic to topic. It was actually kinda nice, until I did something that all of MAN-kind is famous for.

"So how come Collin never mentioned you before?" I asked pausing my game of Fruit Ninja. It was really getting annoying trying to beat my highscore, AND focusing on the conversation at hand... What? Don't judge me, I'll summon a hundred clones of myself and then blast you with a twenty story high lightning dragon...I'm a ninja!

"I dunno know, I guess he just wasn't very fond of me... The only time he could stand to be in the same room as me was during the holidays." She said placing her phone under the pillow and turning away from me. Any hint of happiness or joy that she might have had instantly vanished.

"I'm sorry." I said putting my phone down for a second to look at her, but when I turned I saw that she already thoroughly cocooned within her comforter.

"Goodnight." I said, barely above a whisper.

"Night." She sighed and turned off the lamp next to her bed.

I yawned, while opening my eyes....to be greeted with darkness.

Agh, what time is it? I checked my phone to see it was 3:17 A.M.

Damn classes start tomorrow. Brain why you gotta wake me up? I asked my conscious.

Well I was up here eatin' a meatball sub when I heard that. My brain responded, in what sounded like the most forced, most stereotypical Brooklyn accent. Ever.

While contemplating my subconscious's possible racism, I heard quiet sobs on the other side of the room.

SHEE-YAT brain, I ain't got no time for 'dat. And then I went back to sleep.

I released a huge yawn as I sat up in bed to make sure I don't fall unconscious. It's 3:17 In the Morning....Brain why do you do this to me?

CAUSE I CAAANN! My brain responded back at me.... Putting my slight insanity risk aside I decided to survey my surroundings....

Darkness.... Your really working overtime, aren't ya brain? I took my phone out and tapped on the Flash Light app. My surroundings lit up as I saw that absolutely nothing had changed, besides the fact that Rainbow is missing, Her bed is made and all her stuff is still here...wait, where'd she go?

I stood up and walked over to her bed and checked it inside out.

Nothing, Nothing, Nothing, Nothi-Wait, what's this? I though while actually finding something on the opposite side of her pillow. It wasn't her phone, Like I had hoped, But there was a sticky note. I opened it, and read aloud.

"I knew you couldn't stay away from me, Perv. Anyways I'll be at the track running if you need me. And try not to sniff my dirty shorts."

"....Oh you're in for it now...." I said as I walked over to my backpack with the note in hand. Quickly i pulled out a pen and began to laugh hysterically as I drew inappropriate pictures all over the note, and then placed it back under her pillow.