The Memoirs Of A Reality Jumper

by Techogre

42 - Messages of Sorrow

I gazed past Twilight into the Library and took a good look at the unicorn at the table. There was something off about him. Not in the sense of evil or anything sinister, just that his outline was fuzzy, and I found it rather difficult to focus clearly on him.

As he spotted me, he stood and gave me an awkward smile. I had the impression he had practised a natural smile in front of the mirror, and this was the best result. It was just a bit...off.

I didn’t have the opportunity to think more about it as he spoke excitedly, “Greetings and salutations, Mr Alex Roberts, or Alex to your friends, ha ha.”

I was taken aback by his peculiar behaviour. ‘He actually said ‘ha ha’?’ Once more, just a little off. Nothing I could put my finger on. I don’t normally judge a person by their mannerisms, and it would be wrong if I started now.

The one thing I noticed that seemed natural was his accent. A very proper, upper-middle-class British accent. Unlike most ponies I’ve met, like those from Canterlot, his accent did not sound affected. A very rare characteristic indeed.

I also never thought I would meet someone with more unrefined social skills than Fluttershy. “Hello, um, I’m sorry,” I smiled politely and put my hand out, “I didn’t catch your name.”

He carried on, excited. “My goodness. You were right, Miss Sparkle. He is quite bright.” His head lowered to my hand, and he peered at it intently. His eyes inspected me like I was a prime specimen.“And those dull claws at the ends of his forelegs look fascinating as well. Perfectly suited for manipulation and grasping thrusting weapons, like pointy sticks.”

He sounded familiar, but that wasn’t important. I whispered, still smiling kindly at the unicorn, “Twilight? What's your friend’s name?”

She seemed to snap out of whatever dreamy place she was in. “Oh, right. Alex Roberts, let me introduce Doctor Emerald, chief-”

Doctor Emerald interrupted her, “Oh, I’m so sorry. Where are my manners.” Emerald stood abruptly and, from a pair of shiny black saddlebags, floated a thick binder my way. It looked like a curriculum vitae. I examined the cover page;

I made a low whistle and thought to myself, ‘That’s one hell of a CV. No wonder Twilight is excited about him.’

Twilight seemed to be looking at me expectantly. I flipped the last page of the binder and passed it back to the good Doctor. “I’ve got to say, this is very impressive, sir.”

Emerald cleared his throat lightly, “Please, call me Doctor.”

“Um, of course. Doctor. So, what brings you here?”

Emerald smiled with pride, “I’m here to assist Lady Twilight Sparkle in researching you, my fine simian friend.”

Twilight blushed a little, “Doctor, please. He’s a human.” She leaned in and whispered, “And he might be a little touchy about being called a simian.”

I chuckled, “That’s alright Twilight, homo sapiens are within the simian branch. If memory serves, humans are classified in the order Primates, family Hominidae, tribe Hominini, genus Homo, and species Homo sapiens.”

Twilight had an annoyed look, “Why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you? You said,” A notebook flew off a library shelf and came to a stop in front of her, “and I quote, ‘Not sure, Twilight. Has Homo Sapient or something like that near the end, I think. I’ll look it up when you’re done with the laptop.’ That was two weeks ago!” She glared at me for a long moment, then she closed her eyes, put her right foreleg across her chest, took a deep breath, and let it out as she moved her foreleg back out. “Sorry, I got excited and frustrated. It’s just... inaccuracy bothers me.”

Doctor Emerald looked on with, I think, pride. “I’m very glad you’re using the calming technique Princess Cadence suggested. Bravo.”

Twilight blushed and replied a little breathlessly. “Thank you, Doctor.”

I smiled involuntarily. If I didn’t know better, I could have sworn Twilight had just batted her eyelashes. It was subtle, but that grin, the tone of voice and the smile all pointed to a certain purple unicorn being smitten. ‘I’ll make sure everything is above board with this Doctor Emerald.’

Without warning, there was a bang as the front door slammed open, and a torrent of fillies rushed in. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle tumbled in, giggling like fiends. Scootaloo rushed between me and Dash, hugging us both. Then, with a look of shock, realizing what she had done, she scampered outside in a panic. From the door, still giggling, “Sorry.”

Finally, the new Crusader, Sapphire, skipped happily straight to Doctor Emerald. His face lit up with honest joy, “If it isn’t my little dearest?” Sapphire ran over to the green unicorn and hugged and nuzzled him. Then, that thought came again. I knew Sapphire was happy to see her dad just plain from her actions, but I knew it as if she broadcasted it to me. I made a mental note to ask Emerald about this later. “How is my little adventurer?”

Sapphire smiled and moved her head subtly as she made known her latest exploit with the CMC, then happily showed her official cloak. Emerald smiled as we all did.

“I am glad you are getting along with your new friends. But don’t neglect your studies. You will be starting kindergarten tomorrow.” He kissed her little forehead and looked at everyone. “My apologies. I suppose I’ve neglected to mention this little one is my daughter.”

I dropped to my knee, “I’m very happy to see you again.” I turned to Dr Emerald to explain, “We've already met.”

Spike deadpanned, “Look, while you guys were yakking, that stupid, stinky, no offence, Alex, noise box beeped again. It’s been beeping every few hours since you guys left. Twilight didn’t want to open it. Now that you’re here, could you please turn it off? A dragon just can’t get sleep with all that noise.”

“Beeping? Huh. Let me check.” I casually flipped open the laptop and could see right away there were several video messages for me. “Twilight, could I have some privacy?”

“Sure. You can use the study room.”

“Dash, Twilight, if you want to join me, you can. Sorry, Doctor Emerald. I don’t know you well enough.”

“Quite alright. I understand perfectly.” He started scribbling into a notepad, “Low trust of properly introduced social units must come from his predatory side...”

I sat on a stool and opened the laptop. Dash placed her head on my left shoulder and her forelegs around my waist. Twilight sat to my right and placed her hoof on my shoulder reassuringly. I took a quick breath and started reviewing the message headers.

The first one was dated about a day after I left. I selected it, and my finger hovered hesitatingly over the Enter key. I finally stabbed down, and the message started playing.

Ann looked worried but cheerful, as if she was sure nothing was wrong even though she was worried. “It’s been two days my time, about a month and a half your time, since your last call. I don’t know why you’re not there.”

I leaned toward the screen, and I noticed the slight redness around her eyes that said she had been crying. After a long pause, she barked out a laugh. “I was surprised when some mint-coloured unicorn answered. Boy, she wasn’t any help. She just kept asking stupid questions like what kind of fire I breathe.”

She laughed nervously. “I know you’ve survived crazier and more dangerous situations than these ponies. They’re harmless. So, why can’t you talk to me?” Her expression flashed sadness for a moment, and then she smiled, but it didn’t extend to her eyes. When she did speak, she hesitated, “C... Call when you can, okay?” The screen returned to the list of messages.

Twilight started speaking to herself, “That doesn’t make any sense. It should be at least eight or nine months our time, unless...” She gasped and then galloped out of the room. She called over her shoulder, “I’ll be right back. Keep watching! And make notes!”

Dash hugged me a little harder, and my hand touched her hoof. She whispered, doing her best to be soothing, “Don’t worry, big guy. It’s going to be okay.”

I whispered, as much to myself as to her, not really believing my own words but not knowing what else to say. “Yeah, I know it will.”

Feeling numb, I started the next message. It was dated two days, her time, after the last message. “I’m convinced you must have gotten your laptop damaged.” She paused to wipe her nose with a tissue. “Was it Twilight? I’ll bet it was Twilight. She probably hooked it up to one of her crazy contraptions and fried it. I hope it’s not too damaged.” Her expression was almost angry, like she was scolding a precocious child. “Twilight, if you can see this, please be more careful. This is his only connection to his family, okay?” She wiped her nose again, “Alex, just... just call me as soon as you can, okay? I’m really worried.”

I noticed Twilight sitting behind me. She had her forelegs crossed and tried to hide a slight pout. She muttered, “I would never break your laptop. Well, not on purpose anyway.”

I turned and patted her foreleg. “Don’t worry, Twilight, Ann’s just upset. She was just lashing out. I know she wouldn’t seriously think you were to blame.”

I was now determined to watch them all, no matter what was said. I played the next message, dated a week and a half after the last one. “It’s been two goddamn weeks since you talked to me, Alex. That’s three years of your time. Your computer has got to be fixed by now. Is it that bitch Rainbow Dash? She doesn’t want us to talk, does she? Did she finally steal you away? Did that slut throw herself at you?” The hate she directed at the screen was palpable. “Fine. If you want to get rid of me, you just have to say so. I’ll be glad to be rid of you, you two-timing son of a bitch.” In her anger, she fumbled with the controls, swore, and then the screen returned to the list of messages.

The room became silent, and all of us mutely processed what we had just seen. Dash broke the silence and spoke nervously, “Wow, you would have thought Ann and Lyra got together to compare hate notes.”

I chuckled a little sadly and leaned my head against hers. “That’s just anger and fear talking, not her.”

I mused in silence for a moment, then started the next entry, dated two days after the last. “If you’re not just horsing around on me, and you died in some accident, then why the hell didn’t any of you ponies tell me?” her chin started to quiver, and her eyes began to tear up. She suddenly spat accusingly, “I know you can use his laptop. And I know you ponies talk. That’s all you stupid horses do.” She sniffed again, oblivious to the tears and runny nose, “Why didn’t you have the common decency to show me his grave.” She wept quietly for a few minutes. I didn’t dare touch the controls or fast forward. Finally, she whispered harshly, “You can all go to the glue factory.” The video stopped.

I felt a hoof wiping the wetness from my cheek. Dash’s voice, so rough but so supportive, “I’m right here, okay? Whatever you need.”

Twilight sniffed and then spoke, her voice barely under control. “As a good friend... I’ll be here for you too, even if I can’t solve this problem.”

I felt I was a broken man. Seeing her cry, knowing what it took to make her cry, I felt so helpless, so weak. I leaned against Dash. Her strength was my strength. I swallowed the helplessness back and started the next video.

She was sitting calmly, a look of resignation on her face. “Ok, I don’t care if you’re with her, just...” She paused and seemed to lose her composure; her expression changed to one of desperation. “Please don’t leave me.” She licked her lips, obviously searching for something to say. “I can talk with you more or... or maybe have the kids on. You remember Lily and Daniel, right? We... We’ll have family talk time more often as much as you want. You are in a safe place now, so you don’t have to worry about running. Won’t that be nice? Just us...as a family...again.” Her voice was so pleading, my heart was breaking, “Please. I love you so much.” She then only stared into the camera for a few moments, mournfully reached over, and turned it off.

My head fell forward, my hand covered my eyes, and I wept. Dash held me tighter still, rubbing her cheek against mine.

Twilight spoke so very softly. “Oh, Alex,” and she placed her cheek on the other side.

For the first time in such a long time, I felt so impotent, so feeble, so lost. The woman who I loved and who had kept me sane and hopeful for twenty years before I jumped, then sixty afterwards, wailed in pain, and there was not a damn thing I could do or say. I am useless. There is nothing I can do to comfort her. Nothing. I slumped on the stool. For the first time since I began this journey, I felt as old as the years I’ve seen.

I heard the door creak open, and that damn proper voice spoke quietly and full of concern, “Is there anything...” I heard a sniff, and he stopped. Did he listen on the other side of the door? After seconds of awkward tension, he then spoke even more softly, “Excuse me, terribly sorry. I’ll just escort the children to the schoolhouse, then.” And the door closed once more.

I half laughed, half cried. “I wish I knew where I heard his damn voice before. It’s perfectly British.” I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. There was a lavender flash, and a washcloth already damp with warm water floated in front of me. “Thanks, Twi. You are the best friend I could hope for.” I turned to Dash, “And you’re the best marefriend a man could ask for.” I kissed her damp cheek, but I wasn’t sure whose tears they were. I took a deep breath, wiped my face and hands, and looked at the list. “Two more. No point stopping now, right?” I gritted my teeth and clicked.

Ann’s eyes were downcast. She seemed to have lost what fight was in her. “Why did you have to die? I miss you so much. All I do is cry at night and hold your pillow.” Her voice grew soft, “And the worst part is that I can’t tell anyone. They would think I’m crazy, take the kids away.” Another long pause. “Did you know I can still smell you on your pillow? It’s very faint, but if I try hard enough, I still can.” Her eyes lifted a little, “The children are starting to ask questions, and all I can do is hug them and tell them everything will be alright.” The corner of her mouth lifts a tiny bit, “I hate lying to them. I hate lying to myself, but if I can hold on to this lie a little longer... maybe, just maybe, it won’t hurt as much.”

I was drained. I just didn’t have anything left. I didn’t know if there was anything else she could say to me. I numbly looked at the date and time of the last message. It was just a little while ago. The video started, and I realized I didn’t remember starting it.

Ann sat there, calm and relaxed. This time, there was no underlying anger or fear. She seemed... at peace. I wanted to reach out and touch her. Just one more time. Just one more. “It’s been two months my time, about twenty years your time, and to whoever gets this message, I want the princesses and Rainbow Dash to see this.”

After a moment, she bowed her head slightly and spoke. “Princess Luna and Princess Celestia. To both of you, I wish to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was so unkind and angry to your little ponies. I realize now that you would have literally moved the sun and the stars to save him.”  Ann sat in silence for a moment, then continued. “Rainbow Dash, I accept that you love him. I remember when you told me you wanted to,” she looked down slightly, then looked back up. “What was the word you used? Court him? Well, for what it’s worth, you have my blessing now. I don’t know how much that means to you all the way out there after so long, but I hope it means something to someone. I hope you were happy together, I really do. Just take care of Alex. He had a bad habit of getting into trouble.”

I sat in shock. Ann’s words rang in my ears. Dash did what she could to comfort me. I just felt numb to everything. I don’t know how long I sat there, staring into space. I eventually rose up from my slouched position, still dazed.

It was at that moment a scream sliced through my fog.