//------------------------------// // Unbalanced Ursa // Story: Busting Boasts // by GrassAndClouds2 //------------------------------// Twilight smiled as she neared a large cave. It was cloudy, and only a little moonlight filtered down through the treetops, but that was no barrier to the talented mage. She could sense what she was looking for easily; she’d learned a spell to track her quarry months ago. Now all she had to do was step forth and-- "So! What is such a brilliant and renowned scholar doing in a place like this?" Twilight spun around and bared her teeth. "Trixie," she hissed. "I should have known you'd follow me. Trying to stop me, are you?" Trixie’s smile was the epitome of smug. Spike, on her back, just looked bored, but that didn’t seem to inhibit her. “Stop you? My dear Twilight, your esoteric academics don’t interest Trixie enough to be worth stopping. She was just wondering why you had wandered out here, into the Everfree Forest... especially when you stormed off her stage vowing revenge. Trixie finds herself wondering what you meant.” “Oh, that?” Twilight grinned. “I’m going to destroy you, Lulamoon. Your lies, your deceit, your gussied up illusions and gimcrack shows... they end here! Do you know what I’m going to do?” Trixie chuckled, and her horn began to glow. “Why don’t you tell Trixie?” “I am going to write a letter to the Journal of Equestrian Mages!” Twilight grinned savagely. “I will detail every one of your weak, lazy illusions! Every reputable institution of magic in the nation will receive notice that you’re a bad mage who can only impress ponies that don’t know anything about magic. Your reputation will be ruined!” She hopped gleefully. “You won’t be able to apply for grants! You won’t ever get a seat on the Equestrian Board of Magical Mastery! You won’t even be able to apply for a lowly adjunct position at a magic college!” There was silence for a moment. “Trixie imagines she will find a way to cope with the loss,” said Trixie. “But will you, Twilight?” “Will I what?” “Oh, Trixie thinks that, once her show is updated to add the sad saga of Twilight Sparkle, the clownish academic who can’t cast a flicker except in laboratory conditions, her reputation as the smartest mare in Equestria might fade a bit.” Trixie laughed. “Write to your journals, Twilight Spackle.” “Sparkle!” “It will be Spackle in Trixie’s show. But write them. Trixie will talk to her fans. We’ll see whose magic is better than whose.” "Yes," said Twilight. She turned her back on the showmare. "I suppose we will. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some actual work to do." "Leave?" The showmare grinned. "Trixie thinks not. She has no desire to leave this forest." "Spike does," said Spike. "I mean, I do. Can't we please go back? This place gives me the creeps." Trixie rolled her eyes. "Spike, you have nothing to fear with the Great and Powerful Trixie defending you. When has she ever been in serious trouble?" "What about the time you accidentally shot a firework into Duke Malheureux's estate?" "... trouble caused by fireworks does not count." Twilight ignored all this and cast her spell again. Almost immediately, she felt her head tilting towards the cave. She trotted forwards. Maybe those two will just keep bickering outside, and I can get on-- "Stop!" called Trixie, hurrying after her. "Trixie demands to know why you are in this forest if not for purposes of revenge. It isn't exactly prime real estate." Twilight debated telling Trixie to go away again, but then she paused. She knows so little. Even if she's a jerk, don't I have a duty to help fill in some of the gaps in her education? "Well, if you really knew magic, you would know that a lot of powerful magical spell components can be found in the Everfree Forest," said Twilight. "I am collecting some for experiments... or I would be, if you would stop bothering me." Trixie used her telekinesis to snap off a prickly branch that poked her in the side. "Ugh. Sounds perfectly boring, and a waste of time to boot." "Real magic involves experimentation and careful study. If I want to discover things no other pony knows, I need spell components. Of course, I can't imagine you'd know anything about that." "Not really," agreed Trixie. "Figures," muttered Twilight. *** The two mares and Spike went deeper into the cave, Twilight's horn guiding them into its depths. The trio were about to turn around a corner when Twilight saw something that brought her up short. "Aha!" "What now?" "Silvermoss!" said Twilight. She hurried to one of the tunnel walls, which was covered in a silvery and shiny growth. "I was hoping I'd find some of this. It's a key component for a lot of beautifation spells and similar magic." Trixie chuckled. "If you want a new 'do,' Twilight Spackle, Trixie would be happy to share her secrets of inner beauty. It's simple -- the more like Trixie you look, the more beautiful you are." Twilight rolled her eyes. "It's not for me. One of my projects at the Academy was the analysis of gussifying magic--" "Trixie does not believe that is a real word." Twilight bit back a growl. "To gussify is to make a piece of trash look like a quality product. Like when FlimFlam Incorporated tried selling self-writing quills to the students at the Academy, and we found out they had just used magic to make it look like the quills could write until they were far enough away that we couldn't get refunds." She chuckled. "Of course, I didn't fall for it..." "And now you want to cast such spells?" said Trixie, in a tone of wanting to cut off a long and rambling digression before it got too far along. "No. But by using silvermoss and testing some 'like attracts like' spells, I should be able to design some magic that can detect upwards of ninety percent of beautification and similar spells. Ninety percent!" Twilight used her magic to scrape a large amount of moss into a vial that she took from her saddlebag. The best spell that currently exists can only get eighty-five." Twilight grinned as she used her horn to scrape a large quantity of the moss into a vial that she took from her saddlebag. "It will be a theoretical revolution. In three months, I should--" "Three months?!" Trixie looked stunned. "It will take you three months to develop your counterspell?" "Yes, if all goes well." Trixie laughed. "Incredible. You know, Trixie would hate to disagree with such a renowned scholar, but really, three months for one spell seems a bit long. Trixie develops new spells every few days. One must keep one's repetoire fresh, after all." "A few new simplistic illusions, you mean." Twilight chuckled again. "I suppose that's pretty good for a mare so afflicted with oligophrenia as yourself, but an omnilegent mare like me would never settle for that." Trixie scowled. "Now you're just using confusing words on purpose." "Are you calling me a logomaniac?" asked Twilight, smiling sweetly. "But I've picked up so many words in my operose studies, so why--" "Trixie demands that you shut up!" Trixie yelled. Spike laughed. "Well, Trixie can go home if she likes. Twilight -- I mean, I -- will stay here for a while and collect everything on my list." Twilight took out a parchment roll and quickly unrolled it, then marked off one item. "Only two hundred and forty-three to go." Trixie stared as the end of the parchment rolled past her hooves and back towards the entrace. "Trixie suggests that you get a life." Twilight just packed up her scroll again, turned, and continued to walk down the tunnel. "Trixie supposes you used some fancy spell to find the silvermoss?" the showmare demanded. "Oh, no, that was just a lucky break. I'm using a spell to find something much more important." Twilight looked over her shoulder and smiled. "And I should get back to that. Excuse me." Trixie growled as Twilight walked away, then trotted after her. Spike futilely grabbed at her leg. “Trixie, can’t we go back home? Why are we here?” “We’re here because a certain Twilight Sparkle refuses to admit that Trixie is the best,” hissed Trixie. “And we’re not leaving until she does!” She hurried after Twilight. Spike sighed to himself. “This is going to be another long night,” he muttered. *** Twilight stopped twice more as she moved through the network of tunnels and caves. She dug a collection of crystals out of the wall, claiming they would be of invaluable assistance in developing better magical clocks, and also stopped at a natural air vent to collect some of the hot air blowing up from underground. Trixie followed, making the occasional snide remark. “Is there some reason you won’t leave me alone?” called Twilight. “Trixie feels it would be too bad if nopony knew what had happened to you, after you were eaten by some monster of the Everfree. But have no fear -- Trixie will tell the tale.” “Oh, shut up,” muttered Twilight. “Jealousy really doesn’t suit you.” “Jealousy? Of you? Pah!” Trixie laughed. “Yes. Jealous of me.” Twilight grinned. “You know I’m a better mage than you, Trixie. I can do anything you can, and ten times more besides.” “As if. Trixie is superior to you.” “Prove it,” said Twilight. “Go ahead. Find something you can do with magic that I cannot.” “Easy!” said Trixie. “Let’s see...” Twilight’s horn suddenly flared up, then tugged Twilight sharply towards a cave that branched off from the main tunnel. “Aha! Yes! Found it!” “What now?" called Trixie, hurrying after her. “The next item on my list!” gasped Twilight. “One must be really close!” She ended her spell as she passed into the next cavern, then cast a light spell and looked around. Trixie followed behind her, with Spike a distant (and complaining) third. Even he, though, was at a loss for words once he entered the room and saw the scene before them. The cavern was huge, albeit somewhat plain. A few stalagmites and stalactites dotted the room at irregular intervals, and a large, clear pool of water was in the center. Behind the pool, a few five-pointed stars lay on the ground. Each was about one foot across, and they all glowed with a strange inner light. And behind them was an Ursa Minor. Though curled into a ball and fast asleep, both ponies and Spike could tell that the beast was huge. If it had stood, it would have been scraping its head on the cave ceiling, and it was at least as tall as twenty ponies standing hoof-to-shoulder. Stars dotted its blue, glowing body. As the unicorns watched, it scratched itself a bit on one shoulder, tugging another star off and sleepily knocking it away. “Wow!” whispered Twilight. “We get to watch it shed its stars!” Trixie frowned. “Yippee,” she muttered. “Alright,” said Twilight. “Now, I have the spell to keep it asleep, and the spell to make my hoofs not make any sound when I walk across the rock, but I'll need both of you to be quiet. We don't want to wake--" “Trixie knows what she can do that you cannot,” said Trixie, suddenly. “Oh? What?” "Move that massive beast to the tunnel entrance, without waking it up," said Trixie. "Your magic might be 'theoretically sound,' but Trixie's can manipulate even a monster of that size. Trixie could have it sing, or dance, or stand on its head... but she wouldn't want to bruise your ego too much, and so will only have it walk to the front." Twilight snorted. "Yeah, right. Any horse can make a claim -- and any pony can do the same. You're lying, Trixie." “Oh? Then you won’t mind making a little wager on it, will you?” Trixie grinned. “If Trixie can get the Ursa to the tunnel mouth, you admit that she is a better mage than you. In public. To your acolytes.” Twilight thought for a few minutes. “Deal. But -- if you can’t, then I’ll move the Ursa. If I can get it further than you, you have to do a show where you admit you’re a fraud and that my kind of magic is the best!” Her eyes gleamed. “And you have to become my apprentice.” “Fine... but if Trixie wins, then, you become her showmare apprentice. You can clean her hat after she’s done summoning rabbits out of it.” Trixie chuckled. “Bet?” “Bet.” Spike blinked. “Um,” he said. “What if the Ursa wakes up?” “Trixie is not afraid of some dumb animal,” said Trixie. “Yeah,” said Twilight. “He’s big, but he’s not bright. Worst-case, I know how to teleport.” “But I don’t!” complained Spike. “Quiet, Spike. Trixie is talking,” said Trixie. She took off her hat and cloak and tossed them to Spike, who hurried to catch them. “Alright. Now, the perfect spell to move an Ursa...” *** In the end, Trixie settled on bees. She didn’t know much about Ursas, but they looked like bears. And bears, she knew, ate honey, or at least the ones in the Lulamoon Provincial Zoo did. So just simulate some bees, she figured, and the Ursa would do as she wanted. She started softly, with just a faint illusory buzzing flickering near the Ursa’s ears. The sleeping Ursa twitched, its body instinctively reacting to the sound of food. Smiling, Trixie increased the volume a little, then began to move it... And, just as she planned, the Ursa rose and, though still mostly asleep, began to stumble after her. Trixie backed out of the cavern ahead of the Ursa, Twilight and Spike also getting out before the Ursa did. The showmare grinned at them, then continued to guide the Ursa, carefully aiming the buzzing sound to get the bear right where she wanted it. When it looked like it was about to veer down a side tunnel, she layered a second illusion of a rushing waterfall down that cavern, and the Ursa stopped going in that direction. When it was about to knock into a wall, Trixie cast an illusion of numbness over its arm, and though she almost collapsed from the strain of illusioning something that large, the Ursa didn’t seem to notice when that arm brushed the wall. Trixie grinned. “Showed... you... Spackle...” “You’re not even halfway yet,” said Twilight. “Your technique is all wrong, you’re wasting--” But then Spike clamped a hand over her mouth, pointing at the slumbering Ursa right behind them, and Twilight stopped talking. Trixie grinned as she reached the halfway point. This was a more open area with a lot of vents, so she began trying to get rid of the noise of the moving air. Slowly, taking them one at a time, she cast illusions of silence and quiet. She strained with the effort, but she managed to get through most of them. And then the Ursa, which seemed to feel that the room was more open, leapt at the buzzing. It crashed through the spot where Trixie had put the bee illusions, dispersing the spell as it tumbled to the ground. It seemed puzzled for a moment, as if wondering where the bees went, but then it settled back into sleep. Within moments, it was like it had never been walking at all. Twilight grinned brightly. “So you got halfway. If I get even one single step more out of this tunnel, you’re my apprentice.” Trixie scowled. “Well -- well, Trixie would love to see you try!” “No problem! Unlike you, I know something about Ursas. I know what they eat, when they sleep, and what magic they have in their bodies. This means...” Her horn glowed a bright, blinding purple. Slowly, the Ursa rose. “I...” hissed Twilight through gritted teeth, “know how to move them.” *** Ursa, Twilight explained -- at length -- were highly magical. As such, just as many magical objects could be manipulated by the application of certain spells, Ursas could be treated similarly. The correct spells could trigger Ursas into doing all kinds of things, from sneezing, to sleeping, to walking. “So... it’s like one of those wind-up toys?” said Spike, watching in awe as Twilight trotted along with the Ursa by her side. “Much more complicated than that!” chirped Twilight. “Because I’m doing all the moving, I have to target the correct muscles for each leg of the journey! Right calve, right thigh, left calve, left thigh...” “Trixie is amazed. You have found the stupidest way possible to get from Point A to Point B,” drawled Trixie. "Direct manipulation of every muscle on that thing's body? Trixie could not come up with a more difficult and circituous technique if she tried." “Or a safer one, if you’re moving a bipedal entity that will eat you if it wakes up!” Twilight laughed. “Don’t worry, Trixie. You’ll learn so much studying under me. By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be a proper mage.” “You’re not done yet,” was all Trixie said. They were nearing the cave entrance. Twilight, who was starting to sweat, grinned in relief. “Just a few steps more, boy!” she called to the Ursa. “Left! Right! Left! Right!” “Trixie could do without the march.” “Trixie can be quiet and watch a real mage--” As the Ursa reached the tunnel entrance, its right leg struck a large rock. The bear tottered for a moment, and then fell over with a large crash. Both unicorns froze and looked at its face. For a moment, nothing happened, and they both let out deep breaths. And then the Ursa’s eyes flickered open. And it roared. *** “I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!” screamed Spike. “SHUT UP AND RUN!” yelled Trixie. The three were racing through the Everfree, pursued by a very angry -- and very large -- star monster. Trixie and Twilight were weaving through thick copses of trees, trying desperately to shake the bear off, but it was no use. The Ursa could knock down trees as easily as they could kick over bowling pins. “USE YOUR MAGIC!” yelled Spike to Twilight. “AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE A REALLY GOOD MAGE?” “Trying!” Twilight’s horn flickered. “One teleportation, coming up!” Her horn flared, and, with a flash, both ponies (and Spike) vanished. And then they reappeared three feet away. “What kind of lame teleportation is that?!” yelled Trixie. “It’s not my fault!” gasped Twilight. “I’ve never cast when running before! Or in the Everfree; all the magic in the air makes it different!” She looked almost pained. “I can cast perfect spells, but not under these conditions! I never practiced under these conditions?” “So... you can cast perfect spells that are really powerful and complicated, provided you’re at rest, and nothing is going on around you, and the environment is just like your laboratory in Canterlot?” asked Spike. “Yes!” “That’s... not helpful.” Trixie shook her head as they entered a clearing. “Fine. It appears that the Great and Powerful Trixie must once again save the day. Prepare to be awed, Twilight!” Her horn glowed, and suddenly, there were about fifty copies of Twilight, Trixie, and Spike running around. The Ursa burst out of the woods behind them and froze. It looked about, clearly puzzled. Trixie grinned. “Now,” she whispered, “We lay low and wait for the Ursa to chase one of the decoys. By the time it knows the difference, Trixie will be back in Ponyville... with her new apprentice--” The Ursa flared its chest, and then sniffed a huge quantity of air. Trixie blinked. “Uh.” “Did you make your spell fake scent too?” asked Twilight. “No! The Great and Powerful Trixie’s fans don’t care if the illusions smell realistic!” “Well -- quick, alter your spell!” “Uh, yes,” said Trixie, blushing. “The Great and Powerful Trixie can of course do that. Just give her a moment--” The Ursa looked right at the three and roared again. “No time! Run!” yelled Spike, and the three were off again. *** The ponies and Spike raced hard, but they were steadily losing ground to the Ursa. Its legs were too large, and it was too strong in the forest. Before the trio had gotten halfway back to Ponyville, they were barely out of range of its big, brawny arms. “There!” called out Twilight. Her horn glowed brightly. “I’m detecting a cave!” “What good will that do?” called Trixie. “Better than nothing!” The trio raced for the ‘cave,’ which turned out to be an ancient stone tunnel with a narrow opening. Trixie ran in first, followed by Twilight. Spike tripped, but both unicorns grabbed him with telekinesis and hurled him into the cave just before the Ursa arrived. Trixie looked around. The cave was small and had two openings -- the one they had entered from, and a very small hole in the back that neither unicorn would be able to fit through. "Well, that thing can't get in, but Trixie doesn't see any other usable exits. Now what?" "I... I don't know," managed Twilight. “Maybe it will go away?” mused Spike. There was a loud snort outside, and the trio looked out. The Ursa was glowering at them, or at least, the one eye that they could see through the narrow cave entrance was. The Ursa reared back, then sat down in front of the cave entrance and began to stare. “Or it might try to wait us out,” conceded Twilight. “Can you teleport now?” asked Trixie. Twilight shook her head. "If it shorts again, I could put us inside a wall." "So... you can't do it." "Well, I could try, but what if it failed?" Twilight blushed. "I'd be a laughinstock at the Academy! Teleportation's one of my signature spells!" "You'd be dead," pointed out Spike. "That too. My point is, that's not much of a better option." She frowned. "Well? Doesn't Equestria's greatest illusionist have a plan?" "Yes! Trixie has many plans--" The Ursa bellowed again, and somehow Trixie wound up in Twilight's hooves. "None of which she has great confidence in," she conceeded. Spike sat on a little rock and sighed. "I can't believe I'm going to get eaten by an Ursa. This sucks." "Wait!" said Trixie. "That hole in the back of the cave -- the Great and Powerful Trixie cannot fit through it, but Spike can!" Twilight looked. "Of course! Spike -- you can get out! Go out the back, get away from the Ursa, and get help!" Spike’s eyes widened. “Wait, what? Me? No way!” Trixie smiled. “If you do, Trixie will reward you with a ten thousand bit star sapphire!” Spike’s stomach rumbled, but he still said, "I don't know..." Twilight frowned. “...look, the alternative is for us to all sit around here and hope the Ursa gets bored.” She paused. “According to my studies, Ursas don’t get bored easily. One famous Ursa, named Boris, watched a squirrel for --” “Yes, yes, nopony cares,” said Trixie. “Spike. Go back to Ponyville and raise a posse to rescue us.” “Um. Why would they want to come here and fight an Ursa?” asked Spike. “What am I supposed to tell them?” “Tell them that they will be rewarded handsomely,” said Trixie. “And, should any of them die saving Trixie’s life, her family will gladly pay a munificent set of benefits to their surviving family.” “No, don’t tell them that,” said Twilight, rolling her eyes. "In my luggage at the motel there's a book on talking to ponies. Memorize chapters three through eight, and then just use those strategies to befriend them. You shouldn't have any trouble getting help then!" Spike blinked. "You know, uh, I think I must just kind of wing it." "Wing it?" Twilight looked at Trixie. "Doesn't he have any respect for the accumulated knowledge of--" The Ursa roared. "Winging it works," said Twilight. "Go!" Trixie nodded. "Yes, hurry!" "Right, I get it!" Spike took a deep breath. "Here goes nothing." And he ran out into the Everfree Forest.