//------------------------------// // Shame // Story: How my Little Brother Became an Alicorn // by WiseFireCracker //------------------------------// The sound of my hooves against the floor was the only one in the dark hallway. It was a soft noise, but with the majority of Canterlot already fast asleep, it echoed throughout the castle. Or so it felt to me… and I had a rather good sense for things on this matter. On my back, the weight shifted, which was followed by a quiet groan. At this, I stretched my wings, just in case Calx decided to roll over in his sleep. The evening had taken its toll on him and being so tired made him a surprisingly restless sleeper. I had tried for years to understand his subconscious’ logic on that particular stance, but without success of any kind. In any case, after Twilight’s return to the party and mine, things escalated a few steps further, alcohol flowing a bit more freely, with most of the foals shortly thereafter escorted back to bed by their guardians, Calx being one of the few exceptions. There had been a few disapproving glances from some of the older ponies, but I didn’t care much about that. Plus, I could not see them very well when I was rolling on the floor, pretending to be in total agony, acting a scene straight out of my little brother’s imagination. The fact that the three colts dancing on my corpse all had glimmering wings of air probably alleviated the disapproval. The utter glee on those little faces melted any bouts of true resistance I could have been met with. Sure, I was almost choking to death laughing at their over-the-top acting, but nothing could be perfect. Besides, who was I to complain when I had miraculously managed to create three pairs of artificial wings and stuck them on a few kids? I was freaking drunk, for goodness’ sake. If I had been only sloshed before, it was a thing of the past. When these little guys left, they said something to the effect that I was the best prince ever. All in all, despite the utter awkwardness and confusion that was my talk with Twilight, the party had been… refreshing. With so many ponies out of it because of the spiked punch, I was doubtful they’d remember much of my attitude tomorrow. And since this was a drunken party by the end, I had inkling that this one would not be featured in the show. All in all, a great occasion to relax completely and let loose. Perhaps it was understandable then, that I only resigned myself to leaving when Calx started yawning so badly he might dislocate his jaw. With minimal protest, I levitated him and placed him on my back, against which he curled up and relaxed, soon falling asleep despite protest against doing so. Just as we had left the ballroom though, I had caught sight of Twilight staring at me, a thousand questions in her eyes. The weight of that gaze pressed against the back of my mind, making me restless and quite a bit more aware of our situations. I sent her a look just as curious and uncertain as hers, truly having no idea what could or should happen between us. Even now, with the alcohol receding away from my brain and the silence allowing me to think, I couldn’t decide what I wanted in the first place. If I needed her help so badly, was that not just a simple way to ensure she would? Unless she was so in love she couldn’t bear to let me go… …What am I going to do? I sighed. Nothing could be so simple. The entrance to our shared room was in sight now, the wooden door firmly closed and the shadow of a night guard not too far ahead in the hallway. By the time I made my way to the door, the grey stallion was almost by me and I greeted him with a polite nod. He reciprocated quickly, showing proper respect for a guest, or something like that… Gently, my magic seized the handle and twisted, pushing the door open. The whole operation went quietly, precisely how I wanted it to be. The room I shared with Calx remained dark, unlit candles resting on the bedside table, curtains drawn over so even the glow of the moon could not shine on my path. Even so, navigating around the obstacles was quite easy and I could do it with my eyes close anyway. However, rather than get ready to slip into bed, I stilled a few meters away from it. There was another pony in the room. I could feel their breathing in the air. Brain flooded with ideas, theories and questions, I shot a glance in the direction of that breathing, quiet and calm. Hopefully, the gesture would go unnoticed and whoever that was wouldn’t launch an attack or something. An extreme wave of dread ran through my whole body when I managed to get a better look at the intruder. It was not so much the intimidation than the fact that I was wholly unprepared for this kind of crap. “Hello, Prince Ventus,” the mare said with a sultry voice, sending me a look that told me everything. I could feel the groan of exasperation building up in my throat, even as my heart treacherously fluttered with excitement. Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me. “State your name and your business here,” I said in a hushed whisper, hoping not to wake Tom up. He had a long day of work ahead of him tomorrow and the party was already one drain on his energy. I’d rather not add another. It would be Tartarus here if he woke up grumpy… “My.” She stood up, causing the bed to squeak a few times, her fur evenly brushing against the silky sheets. The tiny smile she sent me, with a hint of lewdness, was accompanied with a sensual voice that had my blood running strong in my veins. “How straightforward. So… direct…” With a twitch of my eyes, I realized how much noise she was making. So, she could not take a hint. Oh, I was just going to kick something, preferably a face. “You are not welcomed here, not at this late hour.” My face hardened, becoming a stony mask of flesh. “State your business now or leave our room.” It did not deter her. On the contrary, it seemed that my harshness was leaving her feeling bolder. In the dark, her silhouette grew slightly bigger and her traits, more defined. She was… pretty, not classically so in the way Celestia was, but in that little kick-inducing, head-turning way that some mares just used to make your blood boil. “That is such an authoritative tone you used…” She swiped her tail against my neck. “I like that in a stallion.” I bit back the desire to move closer, to take in her scent and make it mine. My breath was shorter, tickling sensations running down my neck where her fur had made contact with it. It made it harder to think. My mouth had gone dry again. Luckily, something brought me back to my senses. It was a simple noise, soft and not particularly meaningful, just a groan coming out from a little colt’s mouth. My eyes widened slightly. Bad timing. Ignoring a pang of panic, I let my magic flow into my horn, focusing my mind on the air in the room. My consciousness stretched with it, reaching out, further than I could feel and see. With a growing feeling of longing, my mind turned to the wind, to the free spirit that rode away, unseen and unheard. The moment the spell was complete, I was back and I wished I hadn’t… My limbs felt muddy… heavy… unclean… shackles that grounded me. For a second, my emotions, my senses, both had become blurry, unclear and all-around weak. On some reflective surfaces, I could see that my eyes were unfocused, that my gaze had blurred toward empty space. The first thing that came back to me was a gentle pressure against my shoulders and a tingling sensation in my loin. W-what? My heart jumped in my chest when I shook back the haziness and realized the mare had started feeling me up. She took advantage of the moment I had deafened noises around Tom to stroke my shoulders and my wings! “So formal… so stiff…” Her smile turned smug, pleased with how I appeared to be reacting. “Look at the tension in those muscles…” “Remove your hooves from my person immediately,” I said with enough coldness to stop a windigo dead in its track. For a brief moment, her composure shattered. The glare I was sending her way alone threatened to make her combust spontaneously. With a startle, she stepped back. For a second, she looked the part of the deer caught in a headlight, with her eyes widened so much and her gobsmacked expression. I could have started dancing on my hind legs and I probably wouldn’t have gotten a reaction this strong. “N-now, my prince, don’t be this way…” She whispered, with a slight tremor in her voice that denied her otherwise confident demeanor. “There’s no need to be so cold.” Her smile was starting to make my blood boil. “Didn’t I ask you to leave?” “Oh, y-your mouth might say that, but your body says otherwise.” At that, she twisted her neck around, tilting her head to get a view underneath me. I knew what she was referring to. The simple knowledge of her being right left a bitter taste in my mouth. My cheeks started burning with the humiliation, the flame of which went straight at my heart. It grew hotter with rage and the desire to strike down that arrogant mare pulsed in my vein. I wanted her to just quietly choke down and stop bothering us already. It would be pretty easy… just take back the air she is breathing… “Don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul.” She leaned closer to me, bolder than ever. She smelled like flowers and vanilla, but her scent made me want to gag anyway. “Especially not Princess Sparkle. It’ll be our little secret.” You certainly won’t get the chance to tell a soul about what I will do to you if you don’t shut up, dear. However, the darker thoughts were strangely eclipsed by echoes of concerns and of Twilight’s image. They looked at me with such uncertainty, such restrained hopes... I knew exactly what her expression would turn to. Horror. Disgust. Hatred. In an instant, the expression spread. Soon, not a single being I knew was exempt from this glaring at my naked soul. They were all there; they all were ashamed to have once shared a link with me. Three cut so much worse than the others. And one of them was sleeping on my back at this very moment. Suddenly, the weight increased, too big for me to carry much longer, too precious for me to touch and taint! My mind was washed away by a wave of panic. I dared not stay a second longer in the company of that infuriating mare, for fear of what might happen. Running away… I always do that, don’t I? “Just go home, you poor filly,” I said in a shaky tone, not able to keep the regal, noble like façade any longer. With the amount of spite I put into it, she would have to be a brick not to get the message. Not that I stayed behind to see it. With the searing gaze of my loved ones still staring a hole in my skull, I wanted to spend as little time in her presence, lest I became a slave to my darker impulses. The cool night air embraced me like an old lover. How I wanted nothing more than to hug back the darkness of the outside world, but a certain little colt made his disagreement known by shifting on me and groaning at this sudden discomfort. That little show of impatience and caprice brought a fond smile to my lips. It was just so… him. Gently, I levitated him off my back and deposited him on the garden’s lawn. Contact with the earth seemed to soothe him, in some ways at least. I understood him on that, at least. With a sigh, I settled down on the grass, next to him, and extended my wing over him. This improvised blanket was welcomed with a smile and a nuzzle, though only through the unconscious state of sleep. That small contact alone made me feel warm, a little loved. At least Tom would never… wouldn’t just stop loving me, just like I would always, always put him before anything else. My wing brought him closer to me. I could feel his chest move with his breath, slowly and steadily. Our fur brushed off against each other and it was one of those little things that told me I wasn’t alone yet, that I still had people… ponies… worth fighting for. I wasn’t a monster yet. Eyes half closed, I glanced up, toward the night sky. Parts of me were just hoping to calm this sea of unease beneath my skin. The sight of a peaceful night could at least help me relax. Thinking of home – which one? – had my stomach churn. And so, I looked at the mass of darkness above, for the first time with simple intent to see, and see I did. Although she was an interesting flawed character, there were aspects of Luna that always flew right over my head. Sometimes… sometimes I never got why Luna had fallen so far when she realized her people did not appreciate her hard work, or so she thought. It had never struck me as being worth the corruption and ensuing fall out. Tonight probably would be the last time I would ever feel this way. Alicorns have strange needs. Magnus had once confessed the need to be strong, not just as a character trait but as an integral part of his being and in all his interactions. Atonie Negata had explained to me that it wasn’t wrong to wish for more wind to blow through the empty space of the Astral Planes and convinced me by showing what kind of impulse could go through her brain as a result. Thus, I could wonder what kind of needs Celestia and Luna had, being concepts of astral bodies and of a period of time. With a little lesson in Equestrian history, I could make an educated guess. With but a glance at the night sky, I understood. All the myriad ways. So many stars, the closest thing to an infinite number in this world, and she was the one arranging them every night for the sake of her subjects. She was an artist and the sky itself was her canvas. To compare it to the sky on Earth would be an insult, even from a purely objective point of view. The stars were brighter, the darkness contrasted more strongly, the arrangements were reminiscent of detailed paintings; it melted together into a vibrant, living painting of the things beyond this world. Before my eyes flashed the auroras and the meteor showers, the greatness of the celestial realms and a deafening cry for remembrance, for the home both sisters had long lost to their duties. Finally, the right words dawned on me, echoes of my years of learning under Magister, Alicorn of Knowledge and teacher to all. The Sacred Darkness. The holy side of all things dark. The concept of good through the night and the shade. The encompassing shadow that made light easier to see. The contrast that made life worthwhile. “Princess Luna…” I whispered, trying to imagine ponies ignoring her, ignoring her work for so long and my mind became blank. The night was breathtaking. …Breathtaking… breath taking… breath… breathtaking… “Can’t breathe…” They said, in their last moment. Oh so many had said that, and so many times before had I wished for the right to give them those precious few gulps of air they needed. But this time... She would have said so with me reveling in her anguish. Away from the annoyance itself, away from what made me angry and with nothing but my thoughts for sole companion, I could put myself under the magnifying glass. I had trouble breathing, my chest moving too quickly, allowing only shallow breathes that left my body greedily reclaiming more. The recent events played again in my mind. I saw them, all of them. “She would have had… had I stayed…” It was as if something was crawling around my guts. “And she’s not the only one…” Rainbow mane… Snap. Snobby stallion… Snap. Unknown pony with a camera… SNAP! I held out my hooves in front of my face, as if it was the first time I saw them. It keeps happening. I just think my world would be better off without those ponies. And I don’t actually care that they would be dead! I only care because of the repercussions it would have for me! It isn’t because it’s wrong! My hooves started shaking. I forced myself on Twilight tonight. I can blame the alcohol or whatever, it still doesn’t change the fact that I kissed her against her will. Celestia’s stern words started echoing in my ears, over and over, less intelligible than the intent and the emotions behind them. She had felt worry, anger, disgust. Her voice rang loudly in my mind, almost deafening. She already knew. She probably knew before I did. I could not keep away from her imaginary gaze, staring straight through my barriers and my masks, to see the breaking stallion with a twisted mind. It could expose this side of me. She was already aware of it. It must make her sick to even keep me under her roof… I went limp, my strength deserting me. T-this self-loathing was emotionally draining. It simply couldn’t be kept up for so long. With a grunt, I buried my face into the grass, hard. My muzzle uncomfortably pressed against a solid surface, I rubbed in the frustration, but mostly the fear, that my internal evaluation was correct and had been for quite some time now… I’m a bucking psychopath! An actual, I-lack-empathy-for-others-so-I-can-kill-without-remorse, psycho! A loud snore interrupted my train of thoughts rather abruptly. Unaffected by all my rumbling and my shifting, my little brother had kept sleeping on like nothing else in the world mattered. I consider it a miracle that you sleep like a brick, Tom, but even my annoyed thought did not reflect on my face, as an amused smile just threatened to take over. Knowing there was nothing else better for me to do at the moment (beating myself up had never proved productive), I tried to imitate him. And pretty much succeeded quickly, on account of this being a long day. However, what awaited me was not a merciful lack of dreams, as I would crave for, or even the ultimately harmless nightmares I had started getting over time. No, in contrast with all these, I simply heard an authoritative voice grab my consciousness away. “Come with me, Alicorn of the Wind.” The tone Luna used had me fear for my continued safety. -- “There’s … in Canterlot, with Rarity and Rainbow Dash, which was actually one of the writer’s best this season. They have like, one minute of speaking role…” His pencil scratching against the paper sheet is the only noise that could be heard at this late hour. His parents would throw a fit if they knew how late he stayed up, to make ‘My Little Pony’ theories of all things. They’d look for a better psychiatrist if they knew he thought it had a link with his missing best friend. “Then, there’s that scene when Ventus kidnaps her in the opening sequence of the episode… they still haven’t showed us what it was all about,” he mumbled, his eyebrows slowly descending to form a frown. He didn’t get it, that scene didn’t make sense. Not without additional information, as the least incendiary parts of the fandom had managed to freeze frame on the alicorn’s face and deduce it wasn’t a romantic set-up at all. Thank goodness for that. Those two were already hated enough as it stood. Most of the initial good impression left by Ventus putting his brother in his place had evaporated by the time it was evident the two were there to stay. Mane Six romance would take it to the next step and unleash hell. Still, the following episode had held no answers whatsoever. There were implications of a date gone wrong or something with Pinkie, but nothing specific. Stranger, a random pony’s newspaper had been shown with a picture of the two being very happy together. He could feel his thoughts meshing into a big fat nothing at this. A train wreck, Eric felt like his deductions would only lead to a complete train wreck. Things weren’t working out. One more appearance… he had to piece it all together. He just knew there was more to the characters of Ventus and Calx than met the eyes. Still, he could not figure out what had gone through the writers’ heads to create such unbalanced characters. And why did they have human nicknames?! -- “W-where are we?” My voice carried on, echoing through this strangely empty space. I had never witnessed such a thing in all my years as an alicorn or as a human. Well, perhaps as a human I had seen this… like… in a videogame… but being in a show was already a truckload of bull, so I would rather not think about it. Luna was in front of me, walking with a strong hoof and so fluidly that nopony could think she wasn’t at home here. Of her figure, I could hardly see more than that flowing starry mane so characteristic of the alicorn. “I believe it is high time you witness the consequence of your actions,” she said, no inflexion betraying her emotions. It did not escape me that she had not answered my inquiry, of course not, but the direction this was going had me reel back in fear. At least, mentally. To make such a show of my guilty conscience might be the exact proof she needed to condemn me. “My actions?” I asked, hints of true puzzlement filtering through my voice. I wasn’t acting either. I had no idea what she could be referring to. H-had I dreamed about some… unsavory course of actions I had wished to take? “By following your brother here, you have thrown Equestria out of balance.” She elaborated, though this time, she turned around and I could see one of her eyebrow had shot up in incredulity. “Or perhaps tho-… you have forgotten this small detail in favor of your apparent lover struggle with my sister’s apprentice?” Right… CHAOS! Because I opened my big mouth and caused some reality warping to make that rule. Am I a walking disaster or what? “No,” I said, looking at her straight in the eyes, without hesitation or fear. “I had not, but I had been kept unaware of actual consequences being detected so far. It is in fact a wish of mine that my fault could be atoned for in any way I can.” Unfortunately, my heartfelt speech fell in deaf ears… or at least ones that were perfectly willing to ignore me. “We shall see about that, Ventus.” She turned once more toward a path only she could see, guiding me through the void. What it was I didn’t know for certain. Every alicorn in the astral plains had some knowledge of one another’s abilities. Dream walking was not quite exclusive to Luna, but it was no secret she had taken its uses as one more of her duties. For her to bring me into one could mean a number of things I dared not contemplate. Not yet. At some point though, while I had been speculating, the scenery had started to change. I honestly would have liked it better if the void had stayed empty. Whereas there had been emptiness now stood flags and the crest of some faction unknown to me. Whereas there had been but white nothingness now turned into a stagnant flow of red. Red… flowing red and screams of agony… flowing red and clanks of metal against metal… War cries abound and bolts of magic deafening them. I was witness to yet another war. “This…” Her head went from one side of the plains to another. “…Is a foal’s dream.” I suddenly felt stupid at my slowness. “A-a dream…?” Of course, it’s a dream. I-it couldn’t be anything else. “So you understand…” She whispered, a note of suspicion arising in her tone. That much alone had me questioning my understanding of the situation. I could not afford to cause or follow a misunderstanding due to poor communication skills. “W-what do you mean, Cousin Luna?” I asked, feeling my breathing accelerated as the tension grew between us. “This is a dream. Not a nightmare.” N-not a nightmare… A bloodied battlefield, covered in weapons serving as sole marker for a pony’s grave, a feast for scavengers and a true horror show for a creature as peaceful as an Equestrian pony… Not a nightmare, but a dream? I felt a shiver go down all the way to my soul.