//------------------------------// // A Whole New World! // Story: Soldier and Merasmus Magical Adventure of Friendship. // by coltesque //------------------------------// “OOOOOOO, why aren’t they here yet?!? What’s taking them so loooonggg?????” Pinkie scuttled round and around, waiting for her friends to arrive before the break of dawn. The streets were quite peaceful... for a night like this, absolutely shocking; Quite literally in Soldier’s case! His body clenched into a nullified state; stone cold and speechless, planked in militant stance. His eyes were tethered to the bridge of his nose, rattling and straining as his pupils continued to stutter. The environment was dark olive with a smudge of hot pink; which ran and jumped across the frame. A starchy lime trickled across the walkways and rolled around the pavement. Out from the black wretchedness came five multicolored pajamas, suited across a pallet of fur and tiredness. Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash waddled across a crooked path to a near stumble. Fluttershy batted her patient little eyes, drifting towards the pink smudge. “*YAWN* Twilight, is that Pinkie?” Twilight stumbled and slightly leaned on Fluttershy, pointing towards the smudge. “I *yawn* think so, Pinkie said she’d be out here...” Rainbow brushed herself clean, prepping herself to the morning routine. “Yeah... well why does it have to be so early? What could possibly be so important for Pinkie to wake us at this hour?!” Rarity stepped to a swagger, indulging in her physique with a floating hairdryer and curling iron accompanying her journey. “Why darlings, you honestly need to be more accustomed to these sorts of situations. This is Pinkie Pie, expect the unexpected ladies.” A loose cord constricted across her front hoof, yanking the marshmallow into a frontward dive. The hot iron swiped Rainbow Dash’s wing, STRIKE! She collapsed and burned her hoof on the hair dryer; a techno-colored smoke arose. “OWWW-“ Applejack muffled Rainbow’s squealing, whispering faintly. “Phew, that was close... We can’t wake up the rest of the towns folk Rainbow.” She released Rainbow Dash, settling her on the ground with a tender, painful hiss. Applejack saw the singe, disheartened and concerned. The mark dampened abroad the charred feathers, carving a near half inch through her wing and far deeper into her hoof center. “Ya’ll right there partner?” Rainbow rubbed her wing coarsely, beating Applejack with puppy dog eyes. “Yeah, I- I’m fine, it’s just a little burn that’s all...” Applejack stuck her head underneath Rainbow’s body and rolled Rainbow onto her back. one loving exchange of friendly grins later, Applejack pursues the culprit as Rainbow Dash attempts to coordinate her fuzzy vision. “Say, what’s that red thing underneath Pinkie?!” Applejack started to heave heavy breaths, picking up the pace. “I don’t know, but I sure as Celestia don’t want to know! I really hope that’s not what I think that is!!” Applejack trotted in a semi-fast run, catching up to the other gals who wandered to the front, their senses muffled by unfathomable exhaustion. Applejack halted, throwing a breath of fresh relief. “Phew, thank goodness... For a second, I thought... nah that’s just crazy talk! It’s just this... umm... what is this?” Rainbow swung up to applejack, cheek to cheek, shaking her head in disbelief. Rarity, Pinkie, and Twilight all crowded around the unconscious being. “You think it was from the Everfree Forest?” Twilight said, scratching her head, pondering why this kind of being was here. Rarity gleamed down in disgust, kneeling behind Pinkie. “Well whatever it is, this thing smells like raccoons and sour cream! Ugh, what an utterly horrifying creature! And you said it fell from the sky?” Applejack wedged into the crowd as Pinkie hopped to a split hoof dismount, her eyes like the orbs of a fortune teller. “YES! He just, poof! Right from the sky, landed right here!” She drew a perfect dirt circle around Soldier, as if it wasn’t blatantly obvious to begin with. “I’ve never met anything like it! It was talking all tough and rough, but then it just fell asleep! I tried to greet it, but it fell asleep, and then it looked at me, and then just fell back asleep! So I-“ “Pinkie, I don’t think he’s sleep, I think he’s in shock...” Twilight held her hand on her chest proudly, followed by a professional shove by Nurse Pinkie. She wore a white physician’s mask, a pink cooking robe, and two electric shockers on each of her front hoofs. She stood like an evil enchantress over Soldier, rubbing her hoofs together. “CLEAR!” By mighty thunder God Zeus, I command thee lighting to strike down upon this poor mortal soul! STRIKE, AHHHHHHHH! “CLEAR!” The rest stood in shock, Fluttershy cowering behind one of Twilights magnificent wings. Screaming, Eruption from Soldiers vocal cords, AHHHHHH! “CLE-“ “PINKIE!” Twilight whisked the physician’s equipment into the town center fountain. A couple of houses illuminated, Twilight panicked and teleported them to the entrance of the Everfree forest. Beads of sweat ran from the entire gang, as dog barks and worried citizens sprung from their dorms. “Pinkie, why did you do that?!” Pinkie rubbed her foot into the dirt, bowing her head slightly. “Well you said shock...” Pinkie muted her worries when the red wardrobed warrior awoke from his mental stasis. Muffled rumbling... coherent English... earth-like hippie plants... in a cartoonish plane... then it struck him. His whole body contorted, almost certainly digging his skull deeper into the ground. “AHHHHHHHH!!!!! TALKING COLORED HORSES!!!” “WHERE?!” Pinkie looked in all ways, making eye contact with this petrified man. “AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” “AHHHHHHH!!!!” Screamed all the girls, equally as frightened as he was. Soldier knocked cold, out like a wick. The whole gang panted heavily in absolute terror, all but Pinkie, blissful as ever. “hehehehe, he’s funny! Now where did those talking colored horses go...” Pinkie hopped around, the rest of the five dropped their jaws, some even falling off. Twilight sealed her mouth shut, glaring empty eyed as the town awoke with a bustling of chit chat. “We need Princess Celestia...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Royalty skinned dry and hung to the hum-drum of bountiful wealth and beauty. The marble surfaced floors and hoof carved mantle pieces stood guard for her majesty, who’s hoof steps rippled the tile surfaces. Six anxious, desperate ponies cowered to the center of the castle, the walls caving in. With a slam of a royal hoof, all the walls contort to their classic shape, disguising their disrespect and standing in formation. A synchronized sigh of relief flows through the hollowed room, all irrelevant commotion ceases to exist. Her majesty churns a look of disgust, plowing a foot deep hole with a tempered hoof. “What has happened here?!” Pinkie blatantly hops into the Princess face, waving herself around like a Hanna Barbara cartoon character. “YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THIS! I was outside, watching the birds, when BAM! Out of nowhere! This.... umm... Fell from the sky! It was incredible! He was all like SWOOSH and WAM! And and, he looked at me, and then just laid there frozen! I tried to-“ Twilight pushed the still rambling bundle of cotton back, translating to a more audible explanation. “What she means to tell you is that this, I believe it to be a man, fell from the sky! We have no idea where he’s from or what he’s doing here, but we do know he speaks our language. I don’t have too much research on these males, but I’ve never seen one in Equestria before!” She bowed her head, putting a patient, kind hearted hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “This is a good start Twilight, but I must ask you a favor only suitable to those of the royal branch. The rest must wait here while I discuss this with the other Princesses” She gave a reassuring nod to the other five ponies, stepping out of the room with Twilight. The rest sat... and sat.... and sat, waiting for the sundial to click ever so slowly. Hours later, still no response. The sun rolled into the afternoon from the morning, stuttering and losing momentum. Rainbow picked up the old dial, misaligning it from the circular desk beside her royal chair. “Why would someone want one of these old things, especially someone like Celestia?” Applejack swiped the circular dial and placed it neatly back on the desk. “It’s probably a humble way of communicating that she appreciates everything, not just the finer things in life.” Rainbow Dash trotted towards the room corner half-way through Applejack’s response, snorting harshly while staring through the window. “Gez, we could be out there doing something important right now! What’s taking them so long?! This, umm... whatever Twilight called it, could wake up any minute now!” Fluttershy gave a soft tap on Rainbow’s upper back as she descended to the ground. “Don’t you worry Rainbow Dash, it won’t be long. Everything’s going to be just fine, and besides; look at the view from up here! Spring time can be so pretty, don’t you think?” Rainbow turned her head, leaned on her bum, and pouted immaturely. “It’s not so pretty if I can’t fly in it, Rarity had to go and burn my wing...” Rarity leaned her head back from the Princess mirror, staring slightly from the corner of her eye. “Oh Rainbow, I thought you said it was fine?” “Yeah, but that’s before I knew I’d get locked into this mess!” Rainbow held her hoofs on the invisible cell bars, mourning in boredom. “Aww shucks Rainbow, It’ll be fine, Shouldn’t take that long anyhow...” Rainbow tried to stance herself, but cringed in pain from flexing her wing. “That’s what you said the last hour, and the hour before that!” Fluttershy tip toed to Rainbow, trying to look over and comfort her. “Applejack is just being optimistic Rainbow! Maybe yo- umm, if you would be so kind, could be too!” Rainbow stood on all 4’s, trotting back to the sun dial to watch it tick. “How can I be optimistic when every time there’s a problem, we have to fix it! First we have this... thing to deal with, now it’s my burnt wing!” “Well shucks Rainbow, the Princess is counting on us! Maybe she’ll assign us a one day job or somethin’ like that, and reward your hard work by fixing that wing of yours! This incident shouldn’t be much of a bother.” Both the crystal plated doors smashed open, all four Princesses enhancing the rubbery trots from the hallways. “Speakin’ of which, ya’ll got any ideas yet?!” Princess Celestia chuckled slightly, moving her construction crane neck to a stilted, statue like position; looking upon the five young friends individually. “Yes Applejack, we have. After some talk, we realized the weight of this situation; Princess Twilight Sparkle will personally escort Rarity and Fluttershy to help ease concerns in Ponyville. You, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie will group together and search the area for any and all clues of this man’s origins and how he arrived in this place. If anymore news abides, I will happily share it with each of you. Bring any and all evidence to me personally. In the meanwhile, this human being-“ “OOOH that’s its name? Hi there human! Wow, what an odd name...” The four princesses chuckled at Pinkie’s silly remark, Twilight stepped forward slightly in reply. “No Pinkie, that’s what they are called, not his name.” “Hi I-don’t-know-you-someone human!” Twilight shook her head in embarrassment, stepping back into the royal family. “Yes, well, this human will stay under my care until further notice. If he is awoken, I will personally escort him to the royal bedroom to stay until your missions are completed.” All five of the ponies, including Twilight, threw their hoof above their eyebrows in salute. “Yes Mam!” Twilight stepped forward again, turning towards Celestia. “We will carry out our missions in no time flat! Is there anything else before we go?” Celestia began to step away with the remaining princesses, turning her head towards Twilight. “If something else like this occurs in your presence, alert me at once.” The Mane 6 bolted through the door, emptying the activity with a creaking slam of the doors. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ♪♪And now it's all right. It’s ok. And you may look the other way. We can try to understand The New York times effect on man. Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, You're stayin alive, stayin alive. Feel the city breakin and everybody shakin, And were stayin alive, stayin alive. ♪♪ “And one, two, Twist, one two! Twirl, HA!” Scuffling across the brittle floor boards, running an ol’ cup of joe as it dripped to the bouncing beat. Fell the music, running away and collapsing dead no further than the kitchen halls, gasping for air in this decrepit old home. ♪STAYIN’ ALIVE!♪ Twirling to a gymnast dismount in his PJs, sucking in a breath of fresh pleasure, whistling to these petrified tunes, and observing the stuttering furniture and raccoon-free halls; he’s never felt better. No more varmints, no more destructive roommates, no more obnoxious fighting! “I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M FREE! Oh this is too good to be true!!!” Merasmus spun on a luminous ball in his kitchen chair; hysterical, with blotches of insanity painted white on his wrinkles and rose inside his crow’s feet. Bombinomicon fussed and moaned towards the kitchen, constantly leaning left as his pajama hat leaned right. Smack into the desk, SMASH! The music hushed, catching Merasmus lively attention as he pumped his chest and grabbed a hanging microphone. “GOOOOOOOOOD MORNING lazy pages, any late night reading?!” Merasmus grin cracked from his face, ignoring the smashed drums and symbols. Crickets made up the applause, lying in the raccoon beds, bugging Merasmus ever so slightly. “Was that supposed to be funny?” Bombinomicon splashed a cup of coffee onto his face, hoping his textual pores would absorb the buzz. Merasmus jumped from the soap box, hugging the book with a godly might. “I HAVE NO IDEA! But I don’t care! I can say as I please, isn’t it wonderful? IT’S SO WONDERFUL!” Merasmus skipped with his legs rubber banding back and forth, twirling in the wood grown flower garden that seemingly popped from thin air. He dropped the book, dashing into a green blur and waking the sleepy furniture. The home leaped in terror, mounting slightly crooked from the impact. Out from the basement, he pulled a notepad and paper, writing all the things he could do without that blasted moron. “Bowling, Check! Vacation to Peru, Check! Visiting old friends, Check! Relaxing on my lawn, Check! Cleaning the house... I’ll save that for later, but Check!” His eyeballs licked the page like a giant sucker, tasting each blotch of tender lettering. Bombinomicon floated a good distance, observing the madness unfold. Merasmus tweaked his neck, glaring directly at the book with a loud snap, whether that was his brain or neck is debatable. “What would YOU like to do my wonderful, beautiful little pile of words?!” His grin caressed his eyeballs like a madman, rubbing against his eyebrows, twisting and jerking like an impatient conman. Bombinomicon tried to flap his wings and fly away, but was reeled in and opened up, satanically swung through with a rough touch. “Where is that spell?! Imagine what else I could get rid of for good! I NEED THAT SPELL!!!” Bombinomicon horrifically complied, scuffling into page 666. Merasmus stood dumbfounded at that oblivious reference as the cricket clapping died, pushing the numbers off the page and writing down the spell. “Vondar... Bestal... Bestalagosta... A-man... agus... Get-The-Hell-Awayagus...” He crunched the soda can pen closed, tossing it overhead for a perfect shot into the trash can. Bombinomicon compressed closed, shuttering in disturbance to Merasmus actions. “Brilliant! Thank you so much for your support you wonderful bundle of papers you!” Merasmus kissed his cheek, throwing up his arms and let his torso flap behind his running legs. The sound seemingly droned for an eternity, abandoning the poor shivering book. On the building’s exterior, the insanity stripped clean and swam back into the basement. Merasmus sucked all the oxygen from the trees, wheezing and coughing bits of sand and dirt. His skin radiated with the brilliance of a damp towel, stretched across the broken bone and flesh pits. His clothing was sapphire orange, patched with soldier’s suit emblems. Mann Co. Crates, used weapons, and unusual hats were dug into pits; photos and remaining memories were cremated and spread across the lawn. The sun pleasantly patted Merasmus atop the head, thanking him for his hard work. Shoveling, yanking, pulling, packing, and pressing the yard into its once sinister self; the smell of burnt Sour Cream and rotten... whatever that was in the fridge, scared off any wannabes from Merasmus yard. Flowers and leveled grasses were rooted across the whole field. Once alive, but sadly passed from the smell of Merasmus undead breath; regardless, he preferred a dead dandelion than a living one, so no harm there. Every piece of unwanted waste was swept into the hole; the ground rumbled delicately sequentially after each piece dropped. Bombinomicon barrel rolled through the house, ramming into the gardener and landing them nearly head first into the hole. “YOU IDIOT! You almost trapped us in another dimension!” Bombinomicon sagged in the air, faintly wheezing breaths of concern. “U, U shouldn’t du that! The whole house is shakin ya know?” Merasmus fixed his transparent tie and cleared his throat of ashes. “We already dropped trash in there once before, I see no reason not to keep doing it!” “Yeh but but but, it didn’t shake our ground before also!” “Tsk Tsk Tsk” Merasmus forcefully laughed his concerns away, sighing in disbelief with a pat on the book’s crease. “What could they do? Burn us for spring cleaning?! Do you ta-” SLAM! Smashed face first into the ground, eating dirt and ashes from the grass roots. Quaking, rumbling EARTHQUAKE! Get down, (*) Stand away from the fire! FIRE FIRE FIRE! RUNNNNNNN!!!! NOT MY LAWN, NOOOO! Float you fool, FLOAT!!! Howls and growls creek from the sinister flames, gunning to the clouds and burning the fields. Merciful god, the demons are coming, THE DEMONS! The house is running, the fire is squealing in agony! Laughter, So much LAUGHTER, MY EARS! The fire is evaporating to a blue overcoat, I can see a shadow. Its menacing claws and sharp teeth, that war torn coat, I swear it’s on fire! It’s coming at me, It’s coming for ME, It’s too soon! PLEASE NOOOOOO!!!