Accelerando

by McPoodle

Chapter 7: Glitch

The time barrier surrounding the six ponies suddenly dropped, accompanied by the “clonk!” of something hitting a heavy metal object.

“You know, it’s not very nice to drop a pony’s head onto an anvil,” Pinkie Pie said with a pout.

“What?!” exclaimed Trixie, turning her head to see the pink pony standing between her and Twilight. She turned back to look at the anvil, only to see a pink-frosted cupcake sitting atop it at the exact angle that the magician had placed Pinkie’s head. “How?!” she exclaimed, turning back to face the earth pony. She had no idea where the pink wire-rim spectacles and matching lab coat suddenly came from.

“What, you haven’t heard of ze Law of ze Conzervation of Pink?” Professor Pinkie asked in astonishment, with a Germane accent to rival that of Photo Finish. Seeing Trixie frozen in shock, Pinkie quickly leaned forward and kissed the unicorn.

Trixie’s eyes looked like they were going to fall right out of her head. “Why?!” she screamed, before scrubbing at her lips with the side of one foreleg.

“I wanted to know what you tasted like!” answered Pinkie (back as herself), lightly licking her lips. “You need to bathe more,” she added in a loud whisper.

Trixie staggered away for a moment, then regained control of herself and wheeled on Parula. “Start playing!” she ordered. “Sugar Cube Corner’s going to be our first target!”

“I find it interesting that Trixie knows where we live,” Pinkamena observed to Twilight in a low voice. “Especially considering that she didn’t meet us during her previous visit. Either she’s done her homework, or she’s not who she says she is.”

Twilight blinked, then suddenly reared up, like she had just seen a ghost.

Twilight really shouldn’t have been surprised that Pinkie was able to easily escape being hurt by Trixie’s rather cruel prank. After all, she was just taking advantage of dream logic, as described in Hollow Way’s Complete Dream Book. Rule #7 of that book was “You can get away with anything, just so long as it’s funny.”

No, what made Twilight so suddenly nervous was the realization that faced with the same situation in the waking world, Pinkie probably would have successfully pulled the exact same stunt.

Meaning that, at least for Pinkie, dream logic worked in the real world.

Combining this with Pinkie’s frequent remarks directed towards the so-called “viewers” of “the show” led to some extremely disturbing possibilities.

“Y-yeah,” Twilight said, collecting her wits, “I was thinking along the same lines.”

What, that Trixie isn’t Trixie? These ponies are really making this story a lot more complicated than it needs to be.

As soon as the bubble went down, Vinyl raced for the next nearest keyboard instrument, which also happened to be a harpsichord. She played a few notes to make sure that this one worked, and not a moment too soon, because Parula had just begun playing a piece that was completely unknown to her. There was nothing notable about the melody as of yet, but nevertheless Vinyl felt a shiver run down her spine just hearing it.

The now-familiar blue glow began to brighten around the bodies of Parula and Trixie, the latter of which was trotting towards Sugar Cube Corner. The pegasus’ movements became faster and faster as she played, and Trixie’s gallop accelerated in lockstep.

“Vinyl!” cried Lux. “Focus on me, then play something, anything, so long as it matches Parula’s tempo!”

With a little mental effort, Vinyl found that she could now see out of Fluttershy/Lux’s eyes. This would certainly make coordinating their actions much easier.

Vinyl improvised an accompaniment for the unknown piece being played by Parula, and soon got herself in sync with the pegasus before pulling ahead. This allowed the motions of a red-glowing Fluttershy to be sped up enough to catch up with Trixie and to attempt a tackle.

The harpist slowed down her playing, and a blue beam shot out of her eyes to envelop Vinyl. The momentum of the unicorn’s hooves vanished, and she found that trying to regain her former tempo felt like swimming through molasses. As this was happening, Fluttershy’s wingbeats came more and more to resemble a slow-motion nature film. Trixie turned around and lowered her head for a magical attack.

After continuing to fight the slowing effect for a few seconds, Vinyl closed her eyes and concentrated, trying to figure out what her foe was doing to her and how to counteract it. The blue field began to waver as the unicorn’s brow furrowed, and then, with a grunt from Vinyl, it broke apart entirely as her musical accompaniment accelerated to match Parula’s melody. Opening her eyes, Vinyl then extended her own Time field around the pegasus, using pure force of will to slow the harpist’s movements. Across town, a stream of fire shot out of the slowed Trixie’s horn—fast, but not too fast for Fluttershy to dodge. Vinyl tried to speed up even more, to set Fluttershy up to make a knockout blow, when the next key she tried to press fell down without producing the expected note.

Instead, the instrument produced a quick series of loud snapping sounds, ending with the middle of the instrument breaking in half; the wires had all been cut. Visible for just a moment in this mess was a small white creature enveloped in a blue glow, both of which then raced out of sight.

Twilight looked on in horror at the pile of kindling that once was a very expensive musical instrument. Looking further off at the space in front of Sugar Cube Corner, she saw Fluttershy trying to defend herself from a series of rapid attacks against an impossibly fast enemy, getting blasted by energy beams again and again. And then suddenly she was a blur as well. Twilight looked around, and saw that Vinyl Scratch was playing at a piano now, her forelegs moving too fast to be seen clearly. Alongside the piano was Spike, hopping up and down and pointing at yet another blur moving underneath the piano. Vinyl looked at the dragon while still playing, concentrated, and managed to project a red beam that enveloped him, causing him to become a blur as well. The new purple blur then got into a fight with the white blur.

“Who’s—?” Twilight started to ask Pinkie.

“Angel of course,” Pinkie Pie answered. “Who else do you know who’s convinced that the bunny is a ‘menace to all ponykind’?”

What? He is a menace to all ponykind!

“Alright,” Twilight said with a nod, “we need to collect Applejack and...” She looked around herself for a moment, but failed to come up with a name. “Just Applejack, then. We’ll go to Sweet Apple Acres to wait this fight out.”

“Uh, don’t you think we should get Vinyl’s opinion first?”

“She’s moving too fast now for us to have an intelligible conversation,” answered Twilight, “and if she slows down to talk, it will put Fluttershy in danger. Besides, I want us as far away as possible before somepony starts challenging the Law of Cause and Effect.”

At that precise instant, Sugar Cube Corner collapsed into rubble. Fluttershy and Trixie, who were still a dozen lengths away at the time, watched on in shock as another Fluttershy and Trixie stumbled out of the wreckage. The original pair resumed their fight, their blows striking faster and faster until the two blurs suddenly disappeared in a loud “pop!” as they suddenly traveled back in time. The new pair of ponies meanwhile continued their brawl in the direction of City Hall. There was another “pop!” and City Hall exploded.

“Run for it!” urged Twilight Sparkle in panic.

The epic fight became more and more violent, as Fluttershy and Trixie learned new ways of using acceleration and deceleration to destabilize structures, and as Vinyl and Parula learned new ways of manipulating time and each other.

Applejack had been organizing the evacuation of Ponyville along the Northern Road. She had returned to the Post Office building, only to find it deserted. As she turned to leave, Fluttershy and Trixie crashed out of a window to land next to her. Both of their eyes were solid colors, and they looked upon each other with expressions of pure rage, something that Applejack found deeply disturbing on the face of her close friend.

With simultaneous cries of frustration, the two rushed at each other, passing on either side of the apple farmer and circling around. With a “pop!”, they suddenly appeared on opposite sides from each other. They popped to switch positions, then popped to switch again.

Applejack suddenly felt very dizzy. There was another “pop!”, and all three of them were suddenly inside the library. Fluttershy used her wings to launch a forehoof vault over Applejack and attempt a buck at Trixie’s head, but the unicorn popped out of the way at the last moment. Dragged along with her were a couple of chairs.

Applejack desperately tried to escape, but she found herself being pulled back and forth as the two fighting ponies’ expanding time fields kept pulling at her.

She reached for the door.

And reached.

And reached.

And reached.

She discovered that she was locked into a loop that she could not break out of, raising and lowering her hoof over and over and over again. The tugging at either side grew greater and greater, and she felt like she was about to be ripped in half by the building forces around her.

Suddenly the universe sped past her for the space of a half-second, and she found herself standing before Twilight Sparkle just outside the window looking into the tree.

“Applejack!” Twilight exclaimed.

Applejack raised her hoof one last time, and then collapsed.

With another teleport, Twilight got Applejack away from the library. It was just in time: with a tremendous roar, the entire tree was consumed by an immense fireball which then dissipated at an unnaturally fast rate as the two time-shifted ponies moved on to demolish another building. As the flash of light faded, Twilight saw that there was nothing left of her house in Ponyville—not even ashes—with one exception: the frozen mass of books was completely intact.

Twilight made sure that Applejack’s condition was stable, then looked eagerly at what was left of her home.

Heedless of danger, the unicorn ran across the blasted floor to examine the books up close.

“They’re not petrified—they’ve been frozen in time!” she exclaimed. “I wonder if I can figure out how Trixie did it...”

“Don’t worry, Fluttershy!” an unseen voice exclaimed from above the town square. “We’ll save you!”

Zooming out of a cloud came the head of Ponyville’s weatherponies, Cloud Kicker, accompanied by the rest of her crew. Living up to her name, she flipped around at the last moment of her dive to buck a startled Umber in the side. Unfortunately, the unearthly pony proved tougher to knock over than a cumulous. A second later, Cloud just managed to dodge a magical bolt shot by the unicorn.

Vinyl Scratch watched in awe through Lux’s eyes as the other pegasi swooped around Umber. A cream-colored mare with a mane that reminded her of spumoni dive-bombed like she was trying for a head-butt, but it turned out she was only a distraction so that a white-coated, blue-maned mare could zap Umber by bucking an electrically charged cloud she had created. A blue-green mare pushed a thick cloud over the unicorn’s head, momentarily blinding her and giving several pegasi the chance to buck her.

During all of this, the team of weather ponies demonstrated an incredible ability to change directions in mid-air with but a thought, and seemed to have a collective sixth sense that kept them from colliding with each other as they made their erratic way around the wildly bucking and magic-shooting unicorn.

This was precisely the sort of thing that the blind pony couldn’t witness in her waking life, where the pegasi performed their moves too high in the atmosphere for her to feel with her advanced sense of touch. She wished that she had asked Rainbow Dash to introduce her to her team before this dream trap business had ever started.

Unfortunately for the pegasi, Umber had finally recovered from her shock at the unexpected attack, and was ready to fight back. She popped out of the obscuring cloud, and bucked a surprised Merry May to the ground as the green pegasus passed her new location. She then popped into mid-air, a couple of hooveswidths above Cloud Kicker’s back. Somehow using her magic to accelerate her fall, she forced the pegasus to crash into the pavement, jumping off at just the right moment and using another “pop!” to drain off her downward momentum so she wouldn’t hurt herself like she did her victim.

The weatherponies all froze in place, horrified by what they had just witnessed. Their goal to this point had merely been to knock “Trixie” unconscious, but here lay their semi-conscious captain, the victim of several broken ribs and a dislocated wing at the very least.

“Well, well, well,” Umber said with a sinister smile as she slowly walked in a circle around the prone pony. “I had no idea you mortals were so fragile.”

“Come on!” Lux muttered under her breath. “This is the perfect moment for me to take her out!” She tried to urge Vinyl to speed up her playing, but instead found that her movements were coming slower and slower.

Vinyl, you see, was just as shocked as the weather team by the brutality of Umber’s attack, and was probably also cursing herself for not acting to prevent it.

“Alright, lady,” Medley snarled, “the rubber horseshoes are officially off!”

The five remaining airborne pegasi accelerated downward towards Umber, forehooves together.

“Full speed, Parula!” the disguised faerie ordered.

The attacking pegasi seemed to lurch backwards, their apparent speed relative to Umber and Lux reduced to less than a snail’s pace.

Umber walked up to the closest of the attacking pegasi, Rainbowshine, whose hooves were nearly touching the possessed unicorn’s head. Rearing on her hind legs, she punched the pegasus hard in the face with her hoof. She then dropped to her hooves and walked away, as behind her the side of Rainbowshine’s face slowly erupted into a spider’s web of busted blood vessels.

Walking up to Cloud Kicker’s prone body, Umber put a hoof to her head in thought. “I wonder...” she said to herself in her unnatural voice. “Let’s try some back-and-forth, Parula.”

In an instant, Umber dropped back into normal time, as five pegasi painfully converged on the empty spot where she once stood, their finely tuned reflexes finally betraying them. Paying no attention to them, Umber prodded Cloud Kicker in the ribs until the captain awakened with a moan. “See if you can get out of this,” Umber said with a sinister smile. She then popped to Cloud Kicker’s other side, her eyes fixed on those of the pegasus. Before the other weatherponies could reach her, she popped to another side of Cloud Kicker, and an instant later popped to another spot, and then another. Faster and faster she moved forward and backward through Time, each move leaving a stronger and stronger after-image of her blue time magic. Within seconds, these images formed a solid ring of glowing light around the pegasus, and the blue began to seep into the space inside of it, changing the color of Cloud Kicker’s coat. A dome of blue light sealed her in.

“Get out of there!” screamed Lux as she suddenly realized what Umber was doing.

Gritting her teeth, Cloud Kicker forced herself to her forehooves then looked back in shock at her immobile flank.

The other pegasi began dive-bombing the blue glowing shell, bucking it, even sending lightning bolts against it, all to no avail. None were more vigorous in their assaults against the barrier than Blossomforth.

Vinyl Scratch shook her head to clear it of her stupor. “What do I do?” she asked Lux.

“I don’t...I don’t know!” replied Lux.

Cloud Kicker beat down with her powerful wings, managing to lift her partially-paralyzed body into the air. She tried to fly through the barrier, but found herself pushed back down. Gritting her teeth and straining her muscles, she tried to escape once again, but all she managed was a small hop before being pulled back down. Her body then bounced off the ground and back up to bounce back down, a motion which began to repeat, faster and faster. Realizing that she could no longer control her actions, the pegasus captain opened her mouth to scream, but even that sound was put on a permanent loop.

“Oh no!” Pinkie exclaimed as she watched all of this from a couple blocks away. “A glitch! That means—”

Cloud Kicker’s stuttering had become so fast that she appeared to be a blur. Her voice suddenly cut out, and then her tail disappeared, followed quickly by her wings, her mane, and all the color in her coat, leaving her looking like a featureless ponyquin. And then she was gone. There was an odd sort of after-image that appeared on the inner eyelids of the ponies who were watching at that moment: the mysterious phrase “Incidental Pegasus #2”, written in a plain black font and floating in mid-air. And then even that was gone, and no trace remained that Cloud Kicker the pegasus had ever existed. The spot on the ground where she had stood was puckered inward and slightly upward, like the entire universe had contracted inwards as she had been erased.

As soon as Umber came to a halt, Blossomforth rushed to the place where her friend had once stood, looking about herself wildly. “Cloudy? Cloudy!” Her legs giving out, she raised her eyes to the heavens as she cried “Nooooo!” at the top of her voice.

You know, usually, I try never to put one of those “Big No’s” in my stories, because it seems really lame. But this time, I dunno, it’s like she’s screaming it right at me—like she knows I’m the writer and she hates what I’ve done to the most important mare in her life.

Because I did kind of do that.

And this story is really getting out of hoof. I mean, what happened to Cloud Kicker just then was brutal. I just wanted to write a fun story. Big stakes, yeah, and ponies getting hurt, but this seems kinda sadistic.

I don’t know if I still want to keep telling this story. Not if it’s gonna keep getting darker.

Rainbow Dash.

Huh? Who said that?

Rainbow Dash, you can’t stop the story now.

Is that...Umber? I stopped the story, so you shouldn’t be talking. And stop using that voice—it’s creeping me out.

Rainbow Dash, do you know what a pony who doesn’t finish a story is called? That pony is called a quitter. Are you a quitter?

Well, no, but this is just a story!

Was Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone just a story?

This is nothing like that! I’m no F. S. Braveheart. This is just for fun, and with that last part, it’s not fun anymore.

But you need to finish it. You owe it to your characters. You owe it to yourself. This is your story, isn’t it?

I’m beginning to wonder about that.

You can do anything in this story that you want. And besides, that’s not really Cloud Kicker who just got erased. Is that what you’re upset about, that you secretly wanted to hurt your friend?

No, of course not! I know this isn’t real!

Then what’s stopping you from continuing?

I...I don’t know if...

What happens next, Rainbow?

Next? Well, I guess I get to give you a villainous monologue next. Something like...

“Lux, you fool,” Umber exclaimed, “you’ve given me the means to become all powerful! There is no pony who will not surrender to the fae capable of erasing them! I know that with but a little additional effort, I could remove Ponyville, Equestria, perhaps this entire universe from existence, merely by traveling back and forth in time! With this slave body, I will conquer the multiverse!”

“NEVER!” screamed Lux and Fluttershy in unison. Lux/Fluttershy lurched forward towards Umber/Trixie, but then stopped suddenly like she had run into an invisible wall. Lux’s blood red spirit flew out of Fluttershy’s body and right through Trixie’s, taking Umber’s midnight blue spirit with it, leaving Trixie gasping in relief. The two semi-transparent ponies with butterfly wings tumbled down the street, growing brighter and brighter, stopping at last at the pile of frozen books. Peeking around that pile at them in horror was Twilight Sparkle.

She had just been celebrating her successful decipherment of the freezing spell when she noticed the two fae approaching.

If they’re out of their host bodies, realized Twilight, then that means they are exposed to the laws of a universe where they’re physically impossible!

Twilight tried to flee, but at that moment both faeries were converted to pure magic, annihilating any normal matter within thirty ponylengths in all directions.

Under normal circumstances, Twilight probably would have remembered to teleport herself to safety, but owing to her study of the time freeze spell, she ended up casting the only other spell that could have possibly saved her life.

Where once there was a library tree, there was now a crater. Only two objects marred the mathematically-perfect curves of the hemispherical depression: a conglomeration of books, and a still pony, both frozen in time.