//------------------------------// // Applejack and Rarity // Story: The Mailbox Compilation // by Skeeter The Lurker //------------------------------// Dearest Applejack, I am writing this from the train on the way to Baltimare, so I must begin by apologizing for the occasional misformed letter, due to the movement of the train. (It's not as though my horn writing is anything less than as impeccable as it always is—may this be clear.) Alas, I fear even the most moving and engaging of romance novels can become stale after so many hours, so I find myself pulling out parchment to write a letter to pass the time. It's such a dreadfully long train ride, and there is next to nothing to do to pass the time, and I am sorely lacking in company to aid in that manner. Not that the destination is something that I'm looking forward to terribly either. Oh, I mean to say—or rather, it's not as though I mean to say—that it is not solely from boredom that I desire to write to you. I mean, it is not boredom—though truthfully I am terribly bored—that is the primary reason I wish to contact you. I don't even have the slightest hint of what sort of costumes I am to be designing, so I can't even start on that. So this is just the immediate reason that I contact you at this moment. On the train. Though you won't be receiving this letter until long after I am off the train... ...I'm all over the place aren't I? I fear I am in a bit of a state. Allow me to start fresh. No matter how I seek to replay in my mind the events of the past week that lead me here, I cannot help but come to the conclusion that I have been nothing short of conned into this situation. I am a fashionista—and here I am, being shipped off to the (if you'll pardon the term) boonies to create costumes. If it wasn't far too crass for a lady such as myself to (once again, no offense intended) spit, I'm sure I'd do so every time the word crosses my lips. It is right on the precipice of being insulting to ask as much of me—costumes! Really! Of course, since it was Fancy Pants who suggested it (and he is such a dear), I fear I am left even without a specific party on which I can place the blame—and I am left swimming in directionless woe; I am doomed to this fate, of which I had no say—is the situation I now find myself. I have only been told the most basic of basics about the play that is to be put on, no less—it is one of Shakespeare's plays. That is all the information I have to go on. I will have my first proper communication with the director upon my arrival—I fear the worst. The only small bit of fortune I could see at the distant end of this mess, is one where I am in charge of designing dresses set in that period: it would be almost passable for someone of my skill and sensibilities to design most spectacular dresses of the Elizabethan era—though I hear that it is, apparently, the trend to “update” the plays, setting them in various different eras, so even of that I cannot be sure. Ah, but I've done nothing but list my complaints—I must thank you for bearing with me up to this point (assuming, of course, that you have—though truly of this I have little doubt, and it is why this letter has been addressed to you.) There is no pony that I would think of, before you, to place on the receiving end of my foul mood. Enough about me, though. How about yourself? You're at Palomino Beach—oh how I'd love to visit there one day. All the class and sophistication—ponies who really know the art of pampering onesself, am I wrong? Ah, of course, if anypony could make such a place sound undesirable, I'm sure it is you—I look forward to your response, in which I'm sure you'll do your utmost to clear up any sort of jealousy I may now possess about your destination compared to mine. Sincerely yours, Rarity P.S. Upon a second read-through of this letter, I fear that the last paragraph I have written, and possibly the one(s) before it, could very well have the potential to be congrued in a manner that I did not intend for—namely: in a way that, perhaps, may seem presumptuous of me, and may in some way convey offence to you; I assure you that is not how it is meant to be read, and is not my intention at all. Now, I fear writing while in motion is causing me slight distress to my stomach, so I will leave it at that. Dear Rarity, I’m real sorry you’re feeling like that, sugarcube. I mean, I’m sure it’s hard, not getting to make the right kind of fancy dresses... That’s what all that’s about, ain’t it? But the kind of fancy dresses you make for this play are gonna be the best fancy dresses those ponies ever did see! In fact, I bet those costumes are so good, ponies’ll want to wear ‘em as the right kind of fancy dresses. Unless that ain't what it was about. There was an awful lot of starting and stopping there. Darn it, Rarity, you know you make everypony look like a million bits. It's gonna be fine. I know you wanna hear all about how classy this place is, so I’ll try and tell a bit about that. If it sounds like I’m rolling my eyes... well, just pretend I ain’t, okay? So, I’m staying at the Oranges place, Sunny Grove Farm. There’s a bunch of orange trees and things you don’t care about, but the house is real big and cushy, for when Aunt and Uncle Orange come stay. All the rooms are about three times as big as they oughta be, and everything’s painted all white and light colors. It’d be a pain in the tail to keep clean, but they got a pony that comes in just to do that... I’d be lying if I said that’s not kinda nice. Outside the house, besides the farm, there’s a big old swimming pool. They need it here, too, it gets awful hot. Not that I’ve had a chance to use it yet, there’s plenty work to be done, but I gotta say one of these days I’ll be taking a dip. Especially since old Toothy’s living in the lake. He’s the gator. Don’t ask. Anyhow, they got tennis courts here too, and everything’s planted with these great big flowers in all sorts of colors. It’s just the kinda place you’d like. As for the town, well, I just walked through it on my way from the train station so far. It’s about as fancy as you could ask for. All the shops look like the stuff would cost a bunch of bits, and all the ponies look like they got a bunch of bits, so I guess that works out. Most of the mares are wearing big hats and sunglasses, and the stallions look like they’re gonna play tennis. Don’t think they are, though. I think they just like looking like it. I’ll tell you more about that on my next day off. Dash said I oughta go to the beach and learn to surf, and I’m thinking that sounds like a fine idea, so I’ll be going through the town again. I guess I’m starting to miss folks now. I’m trying to be cheerful, but it’s kinda hard when there’s nopony around to cheer you up. But, I guess I gotta do it, so I can make it through the summer without losing my mind, and so I can show the lazy pony I’m training to manage this place how it’s done. I’m hoping that if I show him I’m his friend, and how much fun a good days work can be, he’ll come around. I don’t know that it’s working, but I’ll give it another few days. I’m sitting here hoping you’ll cheer up some yourself, when you got a sewing machine and some fabric in front of you. Let’s keep looking on the bright side. Your friend, Applejack Dearest Applejack, Well, it certainly sounds as if in many respects you will be quite at home there, I'm happy to hear that. As you yourself advised me, we will be home soon, there is no sense in moping about. I have decided, for my part, to take in the local culture, such as it is. There is a certain charm to the city, it is a huge sprawling mass of ponies. As such the architectural styles vary greatly. I have actually found some buildings here that predate Canterlot itself. Can you imagine? I have not felt such a sense of age since we all entered the castle of the royal pony sisters. It's funny, when I was a foal I always dreamed of going to large cities like Canterlot and Manehatten. Well, here I am in a large city and... I would so love to be back in my little shop right now. Perhaps I am not ready to be a metropolitan mare after all. Ah, I shall have to write you another time. The troop members seem to want to go see the local sports team play. Sincerely yours, Rarity -P.S. In the attached package you'll find an apple pie from one of the local bakeries. I know it's not homemade, but I hope it brings you good memories of the farm you'll be returning to in due time. August 7th Dear Rarity, That pie sure hit the spot. Thanks! I’m sending around some fresh oranges for you. They ain’t quite as good as apples, but they’re tasty anyhow. I wish you coulda been here last week. And I wish I coulda not been here last week. I went to all the parties a pony could stand. See, my Aunt and Uncle were here. You know, I gotta take you to meet them sometime, I bet y’all would find each other “smashing” or what have you. Um, I don’t know if you heard from Twilight or Dash, but I guess I oughta tell you... I’m courting them. Both of them. They know it! But, uh, I can’t help feeling like it ain’t allowed. Nopony in my family ever did nothin’ like this, but I love them both, and I can’t even think how I could pick one. I can’t say how lucky I feel that they ain’t really makin me pick. I wanna be good to them, Rarity. So good to them, good as they deserve for being the special ponies they are, and even better because I never want them to regret giving me this chance. So, if you know anything special and romantic-like I could do for them, especially with me not being there, I hope you wouldn’t mind passing it along. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed that game whatever it is you did while they were all at that game. I know Baltimare has a mean hoofball team. Your friend, Applejack August 8th Dearest Applejack, Thank you for the oranges, darling. They went to good use I assure you. They have this lovely drink called a 'screwdriver' here... I don't know why you name a drink after a tool, if I was going to name a drink I would call it a hammer. I wish I could have been there too! I wish I could be anywhere else. But I think I might have to live here now, or someplace else I suppose. I can't live in Ponyville anymore... won't be able to show my face there, laughing stock... I heard from Rainbow! I'm so happy for you, darling. You three will make a wonderful couple... wait, not couple... oh never mind, a couple can be more than just two, right? I don't know anymore. Um... romantic advice... just be your sweet self, darling, that's who they fell in love with. Don't you dare change a hair on that charming rustic head of yours. You are a wonderful pony, do you hear me? It's not them giving you the chance, it's you giving them the chance to be with you, and if they aren't good enough to see that perhaps it was never meant to be. I miss you all so terribly. When I find a new home I'll have to have you all come visit... Well, most of you anyway. The game, goodness, that was so long ago. I thought I had made an absolute fool of myself, but the cast didn't seem to mind. They've been so nice to me, Applejack. There was that whole strike business but they came back, and they work so hard. I have rarely had the pleasure to be amongst so many ponies chasing their dreams. Sorry, rambling. I wish you all the happiness in the world, darling. You're going to be fine. Sincerely yours, Rarity August 23rd Dear Rarity, It don’t matter if you made a fool of yourself or not, you’re comin’ back to Ponyville if I gotta drag you there. And judging by that letter I might have to. You’ve been drinking, haven’t you? That explains a lot. Look, sugarcube… sometimes a pony can write something when they’re drunk that ain’t as careful as they might be when they’re sober. And sometimes that works out, but not all the time. But if you were drinking when you wrote it, other ponies will understand, and they won’t hold it against you. And some other ponies wouldn’t ever hold nothing against anypony, ever. So maybe it’s best to apologize and forget it? Even if you weren’t drunk? Anyhow, thanks for the kind words. I’m saving this letter to show you next time you point out how messy my mane is. “Don't you dare change a hair on that charming rustic head of yours,” huh? I know I haven’t written in a while. Things are going smooth here, these days. There’s a lot of work from this storm we got a few weeks ago, but you know I don’t mind that. It does cut into my letter writing time, though. And on top of that, I’m finally getting the other manager on track, for when I leave. Boy, I can’t wait to get back home. I hope things are going good with you, and I want you to remember that I’m always here for you. You write me any time, sober or drunk, and I’ll be there to help. Just remember that, okay? Your friend, Applejack August 23rd Dearest Applejack, Oh, I am a damnable fool indeed, make no mistake. About your mane-style, I may tease and try to dress you up but you have your own flair that is just lovely. About being forgiven for things said while inebriated, in vinos veritas. We are most truthful when we are unafraid of what others will think of us, and a symptom of drunkenness is lack of regard for other’s reactions. I was drinking at the time I last wrote you, yes. I've spent much of the last six weeks indulging. I stopped very recently, when I finally got a reply from Fluttershy. I... messed up badly, told her some things I never meant to say. I had hoped at best to have my apology accepted, but the reply... seemed too good to be true. I asked if Fluttershy might be open to the idea of... well, truth be told what I suggested at first was quite obscene, but ultimately I was asking her permission to begin courting her properly. She responded that she would like that... and I was elated. I threw every drop of vileness out, I felt so very wonderful that my best friend was willing to try that with me. Then... I got a letter from Rainbow. Rainbow congratulated me... then told me she was rather surprised... Since Fluttershy has never shown interest in a mare since foalhood. And that little factoid might have been nice to know before she told me to pour my heart out. Look... I know why I wrote what I wrote, wine and spirits aside... Fluttershy has always confused me. She just has this... presence that I am horribly drawn to. But I always just... ignored it, she’s the wrong gender. You know me... the first impression you got of me was doodling a picture of getting married to a prince. I even got a horrible crush on your brother the first time you brought me to your home. I’ve tried looking at other mares the way I do at her... it has no appeal. It’s not mares I am attracted to, it’s her. What I don’t know is why she would say yes. I thought at first she might be a fillyfooler, but from what Rainbow sent, that’s not the case. I had braced myself for a polite let down, but if she’s only agreed to avoid hurting my feelings I would be even more devastated at this point. I only hoped for a chance, selfish though it was, but I will not take a pity date, not even from her. Sincerely yours, Rarity. P.S. Why not tell me your secret, hmmm? Apparently it’s the princesses who are the ones worth dating? Maybe I should just try for Luna. May as well at this point. At least she would give me a straight answer. P.S.S. Oh, look at that. A straight answer when asking out another mare. Unintentionally humorous, just like the rest of my life. August 23rd Dear Rarity, Oh, sugarcube. I gotta say you got the worst luck in love of anypony I ever met. But when it comes down to it, that ain’t your fault one bit. You told Fluttershy how you feel, and now it’s on her. Even if maybe being drunk didn’t help, being honest about it was the right thing to do. As for Fluttershy, well… however she feels, she’s gonna have to come out with it eventually. Just remember, you know she’d do anything for a friend. You know that yourself, remember the whole fashion model thing? Maybe she oughta have learned a lesson from that, but we all make mistakes, and what’s more most ponies make the same mistakes for most of their lives. You gotta remember, if you’re right about this, that Fluttershy don’t pity you. She’s scared, sugarcube. Scared she’ll hurt you, scared you won’t like her no more. Ponies do dumb things when they’re scared. I know that wouldn’t make it hurt any less, she still hadn’t oughta done that, but maybe if you understand her a little better in it you won’t let yourself get angry, and you’ll stick to being disappointed. Rarity, me and you been friends since we were kids, you know I never can stand to see you upset (well, unless you're being a pain.) If things go bad with Fluttershy, I’m gonna take you into Canterlot, and we’ll look at shoes and saddlebags that cost too much. Then I’ll take you to a high-class bar and buy you enough screwdrivers for a hardware store, and I’ll be the best darn wingmare you ever seen, if you need it. You know you’re a beautiful, smart, classy mare, your only problem is there ain’t enough ponies in the world who are good enough for you. It ain’t fair, but don’t you dare ever settle for a pony who don’t deserve you, I don’t care who he or she is. And as much as I love Fluttershy, if she got in this mess, she’s got a lotta growing up to do to deserve a pony as good as you, whatever she wants under their tail. Anyhow, I gotta ask you something. I figure you’re the right pony, ‘cause you know all them rules for how ponies oughta act, and cause you grew up in Ponyville-- If it was allowed, how much trouble do you think it’d cause for three ponies to get married to each other? Not that I’m proposing to the girls or nothing, I just wanna have my ducks in a row. I guess I wanna know… what I’m supposed to be doing? Like, am I supposed to act like I’m courting them normal, looking to start a family one day? Or is this something else? If it’s something else, what is it, and how do I do it right for them? I know I’m lucky, maybe I hadn’t oughta be asking you about this right now, but it bothers me that I don’t know. I wanna do right by Twilight and Dash, and right by my family and the ponies in Ponyville, and I kinda got myself in this weird situation. Anyhow, you take care, and write me soon as you hear from Fluttershy. I’m here for you. Your friend, Applejack August 25th Dearest Applejack, I... I just don’t know anymore. I’ve spent all my life being fed tales of the one. Blueblood was certainly not it, he was more of a princess than a prince. I’m sure he will one day make some unlucky colt absolutely miserable. I just thought maybe finding one mare in my entire life that attracted me meant something. But really what should I be expecting by now? Fairytale romance doesn’t happen. Or rather... not to me. I should just stop lying to myself and accept that. Being a catlady wouldn’t be so bad, I could take the cats to go see— Pardon me, I had to break something just now. I’m back. I think I am just beyond caring now. I’ll just lock my heart away in a tiny little cell like the traitorous thing it is. What good has it ever done me? It keeps pointing to the wrong ponies like a broken compass! If I could I would cut it from my chest and dump it in the nearest trash heap. But enough about my horrible taste in ponies to pursue romantically. About your question... there are a number of ways you can handle that. Twilight is a princess, and there is a very old law predating the fall of Princess Luna to the Nightmare that allows her to have as many consorts as she chooses. Royal consorts, and their descendents, are considered royalty in their own right. Apparently this was where the Bluebloods got their royal title, their distant ancestor was a consort of Princess Luna. To actually get married is going to be a bit of an issue. The law does recognize herds as a legal entity, but marriage is strictly a two pony thing. I wish I had better news for you, but that’s where it currently stands. Perhaps our new princess should use her status to change that? I want to thank you for your kind words, I may also need a shoulder to cry on for a while, if you’d be so kind. I don’t know how this will end, but I am bracing my poor heart for the worst. If she... if she can’t... I don’t think I will want to date for some time, if at all. Maybe I will just focus on my career, and do the typical thing of becoming rich and famous. I’ll find myself some vapid piece of eye candy to parade around and cry myself to sleep at night. Ah, there we are, we have a plan! Plans are good. I will let you know how she responds... but I am not getting my hopes up again. Sincerely yours, Rarity P.S. I am so incredibly happy for you, darling. You are a good pony and a better friend than I deserve, knowing you found love gives me some measure of hope I may one day be so lucky.