Simmons: Shotgun!
Grif: Shotgun--- fuck.
Donut: Shotgun's lap!
Simmons: Fuck.
-Red vs. Blue
I woke to the sight of the star charts on Starry’s wall. I didn’t notice before, but there is a replication of the night sky on her ceiling. She seemed really interested in the night sky. The scent of pancakes came into my nose and I realized Starry must already be up and cooking. I wish I could pay back these ponies hospitality, but I guess friendship will have to do for now.
I rolled off the couch and onto the floor. It didn’t hurt because I’m used to doing that. Sometimes I would do it for fun. Getting up, I saw Starry standing at the doorway with a plate of pancakes in her magical grip. She set it down on the coffee table in front of me. The smell was delicious. While I wasn’t a normal pancake person, I could make an exception…
The pancakes were delicious. They truly were. Starry Night was a good cook. I felt satisfied by the pancakes. “So, I assume the stars told you about my full predicament.” I said, getting up from the table. Starry Night levitated the empty plate and fork back to her and put it in the sink.
Starry shook her head. “They haven’t been clear on that. It was a cloudy night. The pegasi have yet to take control of the weather on this world. Anyway, could you shed some light on the subject of your problem, besides the obvious?” She asked.
“You said you knew someone who could help get us a ride. Why don’t we walk and talk there?” I suggested. I wanted to get moving, considering that dream I had last night. Luna must really be on my side to warn me like that. She said that I’m being hunted by the Elements of Harmony, but they can’t use the magical devices until I’m in Equestria. Of course, tanks were always an option.
Starry seemed to agree with my suggestion, and opened the door. She levitated a saddlebag onto her. “Just follow me. Be careful, as I don’t know when we could be jumped.” She said. I nodded and followed her out the door. “So, what seems to be your problem?” She asked.
“This is my problem.” I said, showing her the paper. Don’t ask where I got it. My guess is that all ponies have, in addition to saddlebags, a small hammer-space which they have access to for one or two small items. Pinkie Pie is an exception to this rule, of course. I used this hammer-space to store the page.
Starry took the page with her magic and read it. Her eyes went wide. “Gender reconfiguration? That is cruel. How could they do such a thing?” She asked. I shrugged. “Well, I hope you can get back okay.”
“I don’t know. They obviously have a reason for doing this, but I can’t begin to imagine what that reason is.” I said, taking the page back. Aaaand in the hammer-space it goes. Until I get my bag back, it’ll have to do. Wait a minute; I left my bag at Vinyl’s house. Damn… I’m still not sure if she has even forgiven me. I’d rather not risk it. I can just get a new bag later.
The rest of the walk went by in silence until a familiar neighborhood came into view. “Really? She lives here? Wait, wouldn’t Twilight check my house to see if I’m there?” I asked.
Starry nodded. “Yes, but we’re not going to your house. We’re going to that one.” She said, pointing to a house a few over from my own. However, I had to pass right by my house. We got closer, and I noticed Vinyl and Octavia talking with Ocean at the front door. Okay, just keep walking and they won’t notice you.
“Sunshine!”
Dammit…
Ocean Wave rushed towards me and scooped me up in a big hug. I swear I heard a rib or two cracking. I know for a fact though I was suffocating. “Hug… Air… Need…” I managed to say.
“Oh, sorry.” She said, and lightened her grip. I pushed myself out of her hug. “I was worried when they said you ran off without your bag. Please don’t run off again.” She pleaded.
“Too late. I’m running off right now with Starry here to save my own ass from the demonic forces of the Elements of Harmony.” I said with a cheerful smile. Ocean had a shocked and rather confused face. Vinyl, who just caught up to the rest of us, looked ready to jump in with me. Octavia wasn’t looking at me. Rather, she was looking at Vinyl with a face I can only describe as, “please don’t drag me with you.”
Before Ocean could question my sanity, or lack thereof, Vinyl chipped in happily. “Awesome! So you’re going on an adventure? Count me in! Tavi too.” She said, wrapping a foreleg around Octavia and pulling her in closer to her. Octavia sighed in defeat. I just smiled more.
“Welcome to the club! Say, you wouldn’t happen to have my bag with you, would you?” I asked. I didn’t like leaving my stuff there, but I panicked. It just kinda happened.
Vinyl shook her head. “Sorry, I was thinking that you would come back and pick it up. We can head back there. If we’re going on an adventure, I need to get some stuff too.” She said.
Octavia shook her head. “You are not packing your bass cannon. We are not lugging that thing around.” She scolded. Vinyl’s ears drooped.
Mine perked up, however. “A bass cannon? An actual bass cannon?” I asked. Bass cannon is best canon cannon.
“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.” She said sheepishly. Hey, Vinyl Scratch is not the modest type, and she is being too modest. Either that or the fanon is wrong.
“We can go by your house once we make a stop first to get something for the trip.” Starry said. I nodded and followed her. Vinyl followed me, and Octavia followed her. I looked back and Ocean was still standing there with that expression on her face.
When we all arrived at the house, Starry knocked on the door. A mint green unicorn mare answered the door. Lyra. I should have known it was Lyra. Yet, this was a shocker. I guess I honestly didn’t expect it to be her. Meh, did it really matter? “Hey Starry. How are you today?” She greeted and asked.
Starry smiled. “Hello Lyra. We’re here to borrow your friend.” She said.
Lyra’s smile vanished instantly. “Why? What do you need him for?” She questioned harshly. What? Him? Who is she talking about?
Starry looked defensive now. “Let me explain. We’re going on a road trip and you have the fastest means of getting us anywhere.” She said.
Lyra didn’t stop her glare. “So you think you can just come here and take him?” She asked. Lyra then noticed me and the others. “Oh, and your bringing these ponies too?”
I stepped forward. “Hi, I think you may know me. I live just over there, in the house with the stupefied unicorn in front of it. I need your help. There is somewhere I have to be, and you apparently have the best way of getting there.” I explained.
I noticed Lyra’s frown weaken. “I-okay… but on one condition.” She said, once again giving a hard look, but to me this time. “You let me come with you.”
Starry sighed, but relented. “Okay, you can come. You’ll have to sleep on the floor though.” She said.
Lyra smiled. “Great! Come on inside. I’m gonna get him.” She said, and dashed upstairs as we entered. Her home was a pleasant light blue color. Almost like the sky. It was an almost calming color. There was a bookshelf in the living room, containing everything from romance fiction to music books. I noticed some magic books, cookbooks, and a book on human anatomy. I picked up “Magical Musical Instruments” and sat on the couch as I waited for Lyra. Octavia once again gave me that weird look and was about to question my sitting habits again when Vinyl stopped her, shaking her head.
I believe it was about this time when Lyra came back down. “Okay, he’ll be right down. Then we can show you the new features we’ve added.” She said. Starry nodded her understanding while I just continued to sit there, confused at everything she’s saying. Why doesn’t she just make sense and be done with it?
I was about to turn back to the book when I saw something come down the stairs. My eyes widened when I saw it was wearing jeans and work boots. It was tall, bipedal, and wearing clothes. Once again, I shouldn’t be surprised, yet here I was, gawking at what was coming down the stairs: a human. Lyra was hiding a human upstairs. Probably in her attic. Damn, now I feel sorry for the dude. He looked to be maybe in his high-20s – low-30s. His brown hair really could use a trimming. He also could use a shave. I guess he liked it that way. I wasn’t gonna judge him. He looked right back at me and gave us a wave. “The yellow one is our client, right?” He asked, turning back to Lyra.
Lyra nodded. “Yeah. The others are coming along for the ride. Honestly, I still don’t know where we’re going.” She said.
I got up from the couch and put the book back. “Okay, you are hiding a human in your attic… How is he supposed to help me out?” I asked skeptically.
Lyra and the human exchanged glances, and smirked. “You’ll see. Just follow us.” She said. I shrugged and followed her outside to the back of her house. She had a really big shed. You could fit a bus in there. I voiced my opinion to Lyra. She just smiled. “Not a bus, but you’re close.” She said, opening the big front door.
Inside was a large rectangular shape the same color as Lyra. Her cutie mark was scattered all over the sides as a bit of decoration. I could tell there were windows on the sides, though they were one-way windows. There wasn’t much else notable on the outside. Four tires, a windshield, and what looked like a couple of satellite dishes were the only things left to describe. Yep, that thing was totally a RV.
We circled around to the right side of the large vehicle, and the human stuck his key in the door. Unlocking the door, he opened it and stepped inside. I followed, and was awestruck by the interior. The inside was a yellow, almost golden, like Lyra’s eyes for the most part. There were a few other colors meant as details for specific objects. Mainly black. For example, the television hanging from the ceiling, the counter for what I guessed was a kitchen, the microwave on top of it, and the driver and passenger seats were all black. Another thing that I noticed was that the passenger seat was made for a pony to sit on, and also had Lyra’s cutie mark on it. Looking towards the back, there were two bunk beds, but I knew that wasn’t going to be enough. The beds were human sized, so maybe we could fit two ponies per bed. There was a single bathroom with a sink, shower, and toilet. I knew that was going to be hell later. There were also a couple of plush seats and a table between them. This was a pretty big RV, I realized. It had to be expensive as a New York stripper… Not that I knew how much they cost… MOVING ON!
After my self-given tour, I turned back to Lyra, giving her and the dude a questioning look. “Where did you get this thing? It looks really expensive.” I questioned.
Lyra shrugged. “Apparently Equestrian gems are very valuable on Earth. I sold my old Gala dress I got from Rarity and we bought this RV.” She answered. Okay, that answered one question but raised three more.
“Okay, wait. You went to the Gala?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“I’m guessing the dress had a bunch of gems in it, due to the fact that Rarity made it?”
“You sound surprised. Of course.”
“Okay, one more question. Why did you buy an RV of all things?”
“I wanted to see the human world, so what better way to do it than in style?”
“Can’t argue with that logic.” I said. After a moment, I laughed. “You are the most interesting people I’ve met, and you’re not even people! I mean, seriously! Look at this situation. Four mares, a human, and a government experiment. It’s like the start of a bad joke. The punch line is gonna be a good one. I can tell.” I laughed again. I just thought of another question, and turned to the human. “Who are you and why did you decide to join Lyra?” Technically that was two questions, but at this point, who gives a flying fuck? I could give one, but I’m not that kind of person. Pony. Whatever.
“My name is Tyler. Sorry. I should have introduced myself sooner. Who are you?” He asked back.
“Just call me Sunshine. I have no second part to my name as far as I know. Now, about the second part of my question? How did you meet Lyra and why are you still with her?” I reiterated.
“I met Lyra the first day Equestria came to our world. She came to me seeking to study humans before Twilight Sparkle got the chance. She also wanted to see the world. Being a truck driver, I accepted her request to travel with me. She gave me a big bag of your world’s currency. Bits, I believe they were called.” He explained. Lyra motioned for Tyler to continue.
“After a month or two of travelling the country, Lyra said that she didn’t get to have many opportunities to study basic human culture. So, I quit my job as a trucker, and Lyra sold her Gala dress to buy this RV. We used it to study as many places as we could for a year before she decided to try a new field of study. She wanted to live with a human in their natural habitat – a home. So, we moved here. Two months ago, Equestria claimed this bit of land and practically kicked all the humans out. Lyra has had to hide me here. I’ve been in the attic ever since. It’s not bad there. Lyra is a really good friend.” He finished his story. He then added a question to me. “So, I don’t believe I caught your name and story. Who are you and why are you here?”
“One of life’s great mysteries, isn’t it?” I asked with a chuckle. “Anyway, like I said, I’m Sunshine. Why I’m here is a simple reason. I just want to go home. Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia are working on something. I have no idea if the others are involved. They’ve been turning humans into ponies.” I said, and gave him the page from my hammer-space again. “They call it Operation: Harmonize. I can only formulate theories as to the operation’s true goal. One thing is for sure though, and that is it needs to be stopped. Unfortunately, I’m not the one to stop it. I just want to get home, away from those crazy bastards.” I gave my explanation. Tyler looked at me weirdly for a second, looked at the page, looked back at me, and then he laughed. “What’s so funny? Am I just another crazy bitch? Is that it, assdick?” I glared at him. Okay, this guy was making me mad. Why the fuck was he laughing at me?
“No, I’ve just never heard a pony talk like that. It’s so hilarious to hear something so cute say something like that.” He said. No, don’t do it. Don’t blush… Damn, I blushed at that comment. Cute? Well, I do think the ponies in the show are cute. Applebloom especially. She’s just a big bowl of “D’aww.” But me, cute? Fuck no! I looked away, frowning. I couldn’t show him my blush. He still picked up on it though, and laughed again. “Damn, stop being so adorable! You’re gonna make me say it!” He said.
I blushed harder. Goddammit… “S-say what?” I squeaked out. I must be so fucking embarrassed right now for my voice to come out two octaves higher that what it’s supposed to. That didn’t help it at all, and I swear my entire face must be red right now. I curled into a ball, hiding my face with my blue and pink tail. It’s actually really soft, kinda like a Saint Bernard’s fur, just more pony-like. How the fuck does that even work? I’m a pony, not a dog…
“D’awwwww…” He said it. I can’t believe he fucking said it. God fucking dammit! I fucking hate this body! I would never behave like this normally! I feel like Fluttershy right now…
Vinyl Scratch took this time to give me a nudge. “Come on dude, get up. He’s just messing with you, that’s all.” She said. I peeked my face out and saw Vinyl’s magenta eyes staring back. With a bit more comfort, I managed to get up. “There, that’s better. Now come on, you’re leading the pack now. Where are we going?” She asked.
“First, we need to head back to your place. I left my bag there.” I said. Tyler took that as his cue and sat down in the driver’s seat. Taking the key and putting it in the ignition, he turned the key. The engine failed to start. “Something wrong up there?” I asked.
“Damn thing is out of juice. I figured it would be. It needs to be recharged.” Tyler answered back.
“Recharged? What does that mean?” Vinyl asked.
“Unlike normal human vehicles, which run on petroleum and gasoline that pollute the air, I found a pony willing to adapt the RV to run on unicorn magic.” Lyra clarified. She went to the passenger seat and opened a hatch just below the airbag. It had a small hole the perfect size for a unicorn to stick their horn into. Lyra’s horn lit up, and she plugged it in. After about 7 seconds, she pulled it out, looking quite exhausted. “Okay… Try it now…” She said, panting slightly. Tyler turned the key again, and the engine came to life. “There… Now I need a nap… The recharge process is magically exhausting…” She said, and flopped on the floor, missing the bed completely.
I poked her. She was fast asleep. “Damn… Couldn’t even make it to the bed, could ya?” While Starry took Lyra to the bed, I went up front. “So, does this thing have a GPS?” I asked.
Tyler nodded. “Yep, it’s right there.” He said, pointing to the lit up screen showing our location. “That reminds me… Could I get the address of where we’re going?” He asked.
“Sure thing.” Vinyl said, coming from behind and imputing the address. She went back and took a seat with Octavia. “Ready.” They both said.
“Okay, here we go.” He said, giving my back the page finally. I put in back in the mysterious hammer-space while Tyler put his foot on the gas pedal, slowly coming out of the giant shed and onto the street.
I had to lower the window next to me down to see whether or not Ocean Wave was still there. She was still there, but she was talking with Twilight. Upon closer inspection, she was also in tears. Why was she in tears? As they noticed the RV, Twilight turned her attention to me, and pointed at me, saying something I couldn’t hear. We passed by them, and I blew a raspberry at them. “See ya, sucker!” I yelled at them, raising the window as Ocean started crying my name.
“Sunshine, come back! Please resist!” I heard her yell. What was she talking about? Oh, I get it. Twilight convinced her I was brainwashed, didn’t she? Oh, that clever bitch… What a perfect excuse to carry on with Operation: Harmonize without suspicion. She’s just trying to save me with the powers of harmony, right? WRONG!
The trip to Vinyl’s house was uneventful. I noticed a lot, and I mean A LOT of stares from the ponies as we passed, but I didn’t care. The goal was in sight. The RV pulled up to Vinyl’s house and I got out. “I’ll be right back.” I said. I walked up to the front door and turned the handle. It opened, and I realized they accidentally left it unlocked. Either the crime rate is nonexistent or Vinyl’s gonna get a chewing out by Octavia. I looked in the living room, and unsurprisingly, the notebook was gone. Twilight must have come by to pick it up. I did notice my bag on the table. I looked in it, and found all the things I left in here cleaned and organized. There was a note in there too. I picked it up and read it.
Dear Sunshine,
I organized your bag. I realize we’ve gotten off on the wrong hoof, so I want to apologize for what I did last night. If you come quietly, I would be more than happy to get to know you and be your friend. You’ll be so happy here, or even in Equestria, that you won’t need to go back to your world, or remember who you are. If not, then I don’t know what’s going to happen. Princess Celestia has asked me to bring you into harmony, and finish Operation: Harmonizer under any conditions. This world will be a better place, and then yours can be too. I have already taken measures I do not like to get this far, but I believe this is for the good of this world. It is too chaotic. You are too chaotic. I can help you, if you’ll only give me the chance. We’ll be meeting again soon.
Sincerely yours,
Twilight Sparkle (and Spike)
I sighed. That’s all I could do. Twilight thinks she’s doing the right thing, but is conflicted about the journey to get there. I flipped the note over, took a pen in my wing, since I don’t trust my hoof or mouth, and began writing.
Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.
-Greg AndersonThink about it, okay?
Sunshine
I put the quote on the table where Twilight could see it once she returned. Grabbing my bag, I went out the door and back to the RV. “I got my stuff. Let’s go.” I said.
“Where to?” Tyler asked.
“We’ll start with Seattle. See if we can find some answers there. If not, it’s off to who knows where!” I said, ending it with a dramatic pose. I heard a suppressed giggle coming from Octavia. Okay, so she’s still alive. She’s been quiet for a while.
“Great. We can take the ferry there. Let’s go.” Tyler said, and the RV started moving again. I took a seat by Vinyl.
Vinyl put her foreleg around me. “So, is there anything you want to tell us about your life in your world?” She asked. Well… Since she asked…
Twilight knocked on a door. Despite it being made of clouds, like the rest of the home, the door gave a wooden sound. Twilight looked down behind her, and shivered, both out of fear and cold. Why did he have to put his house so high up? She wondered. She turned back around as she heard the door open, and a white and gray pegasus stallion stood there. “Oh, hi. My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I am here to talk to you about Sunshine.” She said, suppressing another shiver as a wind blew against her fur.
The pegasus stallion smiled. “Hi, I’m Snowstorm, and why do you want to talk about Sunshine?” He asked. Seeing how cold she was, he added. “Oh, please come in.” He stepped aside, and Twilight entered the house. It was warmer inside than outside, so Twilight stopped shivering.
“Thank you.” She said. “Sunshine is traveling right now. I don’t know where, but if her best friend were to go with her, I’d bet she would be much happier.”
Snowstorm gave a salute. “You can count on me. I’ll make sure she’s happy. She’s my best friend and she needs me. I’ll find her.” He said, and took off.
Twilight smiled. She had a plan to keep Sunshine in this world, and she would stay willingly. Twilight wouldn’t have to anything she would regret. Walking back to her balloon, she felt good. “I might as well see if Rainbow Dash is home before the spell wears off.” She said to herself, and took off to see her friend. Hopefully, before this is over, I’ll have made a new one, and we can forget about the red status.