A Mad Dash Through Time and Space

by Joseph Raszagal

Chapter Two - Of Gods and Equestrians

A Mad Dash Through Time and Space
Chapter Two – Of Gods and Equestrians
A commission for an anonymous brony
As written by Joseph Raszagal

“She's been up in that thundercloud all day,” whispered Fluttershy as Zecora wrapped yet another bandage around her leg.

As soon as the zebra had caught word of the incident, she came running to assist her pony friends. Holed up in Fluttershy's cottage, the best she could do was help to mend their wounds.

“Well, try ta see it from her point 'a view, Fluttershy,” said Applejack, prompting a stern look from the zebra who had told her several times to get some sleep. “The town's taken the biggest hit it's seen in... probably ever... Most 'a her best friends are in just about the same roughed-up shape. An' then, as if all 'a that wasn't enough, another friend 'a hers has been kidnapped by some kind 'a evil god.”

“But... it's Rainbow Dash,” replied Fluttershy, wincing as Zecora began bandaging her left wing after supporting it with a splint. “She... she never lets anything beat her.”

Nodding, the blonde farm pony closed her eyes and sighed, “An' that's what makes it worse, Sugarcube. She never lets anythin' beat her, she never gives up, an' she never gives in. So, knowin' that, what do ya think it's like fer her right now, gettin' told by everypony 'round her that she just can't win this fight? Judgin' by how that Doctor put it, goin' after this guy all on her lonesome would be surefire suicide.” Taking a moment to grit her teeth over a sharp jolt of pain, Applejack concluded raggedly, “An' that's just it. Ah know Dash, she's like me when it comes ta situations like this, Ah know how stubborn an' determined she can be. Not bein' able ta go blastin' off across the sky after that guy... well, that's gotta feel like suicide too.”

A few seconds of silence set in as the pink and yellow pegasus struggled to respond to that. Zecora shook her head sullenly and continued about her bandaging.

“I just hope Twilight gets back soon,” said Fluttershy softly. “Do you think she was able to contact Princess Celestia?”

“Ah don't know,” answered Applejack morosely, steadying herself and wiping at her eyes. “Last Ah heard, the Princess was on the far side 'a the kingdom, takin' a trip ta help out some 'a the smaller towns an' non-pony villages. Ah can't really imagine goin' inta this fight without the Princess' help, so Ah hope an' pray that Twilight managed ta reach her.”

“Agreed,” whispered the pastel pegasus in return.

“Oh, Zecora, a moment 'a yer time?” asked Applejack after a few moments.

Rolling her eyes, the zebra cocked one eyebrow and said, “Your questions, of course, I will answer to my best, but only if you promise to get some rest.”

“Ah'm sorry, Zecora, Ah promise,” responded the farm pony, feeling a bit guilty for giving her caretaker a hard time, “Ah just want ta know how Rarity's doin'. Ah know she can be a bit of a pain sometimes, what with her bein' Rarity an' all, but Ah guess Ah'm still sort 'a worried.”

Her expression softening, Zecora gently pulled Applejack's blanket up and over her, then rhymed, “The dainty unicorn was hurt, that much is true, but you have my word that she will pull through.”

“Thank ya, Zecora.”

“No thanks needed, my pony friend, to you my aid I'll always lend.”

After blowing out the hanging oil lamps, Zecora quietly left the room and shut the door behind her. Shaking her head, the zebra brushed a tear from her eye and sat down at Fluttershy's tiny table to a hot cup of tea.

“No tears right now, they need you strong, it's your job to right what's been done to them wrong,” she muttered softly to herself, taking in a deep breath to fight back against the growing moisture in the corners of her eyes.

“What am I looking at, Spike?” questioned Twilight as they came upon the town square.

Scratching his head in search of an answer, the baby dragon replied honestly, “I have no idea.”

“It's a time machine!” called out a seemingly disembodied voice.

Looking at each other with the same dubious expression, both pony and dragon replied back, “Say what?”

It was then that the Doctor popped his head out through the TARDIS' open doors.

“What do you mean by 'what'?” asked the Time Pony, his sonic screwdriver protruding from one side of his mouth like a shiny, metal cigar. “I just told you. It's a time machine.”

Curious, Twilight sarcastically inquired, “If I were to tell you that such a thing was impossible, would you just tell me the words 'time machine' again, but slower and in a more condescending tone?”

“Probably,” admitted the Doctor, having considered her question for somewhere close to a quarter of a second.

“Oi, Doctor, who's that?” laughed another unseen voice, Amy, from the depths of the stricken celestial vehicle. “Sounds like your kind of argument!”

“My name is Twilight Sparkle,” answered Twilight immediately, “I came as soon as I heard about the attack. I can't say that I wholly believe the things that I was told, that a being of some sort from another universe caused all of this, but the simple fact that something did was reason enough for me to return posthaste. I don't like it when I hear that anypony has been hurt, particularly my friends.”

At that statement, the pony-fied Time Lord smiled.

“Doctor, does this go here?” called-out Amy as a huge tower of sparks sprayed out through the open doors. “Okay... I guess not. Get back down here, I don't know what the Hell I'm doing, I'm just a kissogram!”

Rolling his eyes, the Doctor yelled back, “Then kiss it! Do I have to tell you bloody everything?”

After a few seconds of silence, Amy confusedly replied, “Um, the blinky light just came back on.”

“Is it blue?”

“Yeah, it's blue. Why, is blue good?”

“Not as good as green, I suppose, but still good.”

“So, what now, should I kiss it again?”

“Not unless you want it to turn yellow!”

“Oh... so yellow's bad then?”

“Let me guess, it's yellow now, isn't it?”

“Oi, so I guess I was supposed to just already know the repercussions to kissing a blinky light?!”

“Just listen to the two of you!” shouted Twilight, narrowing her eyes and gritting her teeth. “While I don't know exactly what happened here, it's clear to me that it was something grave! How can you two just babble nonsense, laugh, and make light of things at a time like this?!”

In an instant, the Doctor's merry expression fled his face. His old, sad eyes met with Twilight's, but only for a moment.

In that brief moment, she knew she'd wrongly accused the brown stallion and his companion.

“I've seen more catastrophes than I care to recall,” recounted the Doctor, his voice uncharacteristically low and mournful. “Somewhere along the line I started laughing in the face of danger, grinning as I stood at Death's doorstep, as opposed to cowering before it. I've never done it out of fearlessness. After all, no one's fearless, myself included. In a way, I do it because I have to. I laugh because otherwise I suppose I'd just... cry.”

Looking up at the clouds, he added with a somber sigh, “Come to think of it, I haven't cried in a long, long time. I may have forgotten how to by now.”

Twilight turned away from the stallion and his blue box, feeling guilty for her outburst and accusation. Searching hard for a subject change, she remembered their initial argument over the strange stallion's so-called “time machine”.

“I still don't believe that this wooden device of yours is a time machine,” the unicorn repeated firmly. “That is now and will forever be utterly impossible. And I should know, after all, I used a spell not long ago to travel back in time and deliver myself a warning. The spell, while successful, only lasted for a few seconds before returning me back to my proper place in time. I can't even begin to imagine the amount of power that would be necessary for a vehicle to carry several passengers between the past and the present like you're implying; moreover, the potential for these passengers to permanently stay wherever it is in time that they end up could cause any number of apocalyptic paradoxes!”

After taking a moment to catch her breath, Twilight realized just how long that little rant of hers had gone on. Her cheeks and ears burned a rosy red as she blushed and awkwardly turned to face the other direction. She had intended to revive their previous argument in an effort to lift the Doctor's spirits, but being the egghead that she is, ended up a tad too invested in the topic itself.

Still, the Time Stallion understood what she was trying to do, and really, it's the thought that counts. Slowly but surely, his smile returned.

With a shrug, the Doctor dropped back inside of the TARDIS and said, “The universe is a vast, complicated, mysterious, and rather mad place at times, Twilight Sparkle. All sorts of things happen for all sorts of reasons, so you'd do well to learn that absolutely nothing is impossible. Some things are improbable, confoundingly so at times, but never impossible.”

“I couldn't save her,” muttered a dejected voice from the back of Dash's mind. The tear-stained pillow that her face was buried in seemed to concur. “I couldn't save my best friend. I thought I was the fastest pony in all of Equestria... but it turns out I'm the most useless. Dammit.”

Tucked away into the cloudy confines of her home, Rainbow Dash sulked away the hours whilst waiting for Twilight to call everypony together for the meeting that would ultimately decide Pinkie Pie's fate. Seemingly in tune with the prismatic pegasus' emotional state, her normally white and puffy home threatened to become a roaring thunderstorm with each passing second. It took everything that Dash had to drag herself out of bed long enough to calm the clouds down.

Sometime around the fifth or sixth weather check, she noticed that the flag on her mailbox was raised.

Flipping the box's metal lid open, the pegasus gathered the assortment of mail contained inside and took it with her back into her gray and gloomy lair. However, before Dash even knew it, she had already tossed aside the junk mail, two buyer's catalogs, a credit card request, and a chain letter hitting the floor without a second thought. What was left in her hooves was a single white envelope, its back folds held shut by a familiar pink sticker that she'd seen a thousand times before from a thousand different party invitations. Already misty-eyed, she hesitated for a brief moment before opening the envelope, fearing that the floodgates wouldn't close a second time if breached again. Slowly, she peeled the sticker back and looked inside. Immediately, an assortment of unmistakable scents emerged and tickled at her nostrils; cotton-candy, bubblegum, popcorn, chocolate, and vanilla. Along with the sweet smells of Sugarcube Corner came a generous supply of glitter and confetti as well. The letter that slipped out unfolded from the origami heart it had been arranged into, the writing scrawled across it born of a strange mixture of reckless abandon and limitless energy.

Seeing Pinkie Pie's chaotic chickenscratch was oddly comforting. Looking at it, holding the letter in her hooves, Rainbow Dash felt almost as though the whole ordeal she'd witnessed had been a figment of her imagination, as though Pinkie Pie might jump out from behind the nearest piece of furniture and throw one of her signature surprise parties.

But she didn't.

As Dash opened her eyes, the friendly fantasy dissolved and the truth sank back in. Forcing down the knot in her throat, she started from the top and began to read.

Dear Rainbow Dash,

I know I'm terrible at expressing myself sometimes, I'm always getting carried away and making a super-extra-giant hyperbole out of everything, but I've gotta give it a shot. I've gotta get this off of my chest. If I don't, I feel like I'm gonna explode or something. And not the good kind of explosion when I get both a sugar high and caffeine rush at the same time, the bad kind where everything starts to hurt inside and there's nothing to make the pain go away. Did you know I used to feel like that all the time? Bet you didn't, I was really good at hiding it. Think about it, no pony'll ever think you're in pain if you go around throwing huge parties all the time. To me it seemed obvious. It was just another kind of compensation. I was so chock-full of saddie-sadness that I surrounded myself with balloons and cake and ribbons and streamers all the time. I thought that if I buried myself under a mountain of happy things that I would be happy too. I tried and tried and tried to throw a party big enough, one so great that it would make me smile even after it was over, but I could never get it right.

At some point I came to the conclusion that I could only be happy if a party were going on. Remember back when I threw one almost every night? Back then those parties were all that I had. Sure, Applejack and Rarity and Fluttershy were always great friends to me, but I guess what was missing in my heart was something more than a friend.

And that's when you came along, Dashie.

One night, while I was cleaning up, you decided to stick around and help me with some of the soda stains on the floor. Maybe you were bored, maybe they were from your sodas and you felt guilty; all I know is that it was one of the most magical nights of my life. Never ever before did I click so well with another pony like the way I did with you. It wasn't long after that night that we started hanging out for real. You loved playing pranks on the townsponies with me, you loved the parties that I threw, you loved hanging out for no reason whenever I was bored, and you even loved the sweets that I made. I'll admit, I was always a bit nervous because of your wings and my lack thereof. Hehe, I said “thereof”. Twilight's not the only smarty-smartpants around here! Er, I mean, I was always scared that you might stop hanging out with me because I couldn't fly. Remember when Gilda came to town? Wowie-zowie, I was super scared. I thought I'd lost your friendship for good, and to such a bignormous jerk too! I'm glad that you saw through her fake coolness and figured out what a big bully she really was. To think, she went and made Fluttershy cry! I was so mad at that bird for that!

Whoops, there I go, bramble-rambling like usual. Heh, I suppose I can't really help it. Beating around the bush is a lot less frightening than facing your fears, even if it doesn't get anything done. Still, I set out to do this and I'm gonna do it! If there's anything that I've learned from you, Dashie, it's that you've always gotta give it your all. So, having said that, here's my all. I hope you're ready for it, because I know I'm not.

I love you, Rainbow Dash. I've loved you ever since you stayed behind to help me clean that night. Maybe I'm a silly-filly most of the time, but I'm serious about this. If there's ever been anything in the whole wide world for me to be serious about, it's this. I love you and... and... even if saying that causes a rift to form between us, I won't take it back. I can't take it back. I hope you understand, Dashie.

Oh, and in closing, I figured I'd end this letter with something that not even I could mess up. It's a little short, I know, but it really did take me forever to finish it. Forever plus some! I think it summarizes everything that I've said pretty nicely, and hey, it even rhymes!

The first day you dashed by me
I knew right from the start
That you'd be the one
To steal my candy heart

Yours truly,
Pinkamena Diane Pie

With wide eyes, Dash's trembling hooves dropped the letter as she staggered back and slumped down against the side of her bed. Pinkamena? Rainbow Dash could count the times she'd heard Pinkie Pie refer to herself by that name on one hoof. This really was serious, this really was real. The little pegasus pony couldn't find the words to express the roaring hurricane of emotions rushing and crashing about inside of her. All she found herself capable of was curling up into a ball on the floor, as tight as she could, and blocking out the rest of the world. For the following hour, all she did was sob.

It was all she could do.

By the time Twilight's message arrived, a summons clutched safely in the talons of her faithful nighttime assistant, Owlowiscious, Rainbow Dash had cried herself right to sleep. However, as soon as the tawny owl opened his beak and let loose a single, enigmatic “who”, the prismatic pegasus bolted up off of her spot on the floor, her eyes wide open and her mind racing. Seeing the owl there beside her, Dash instinctively knew that she didn't need to read the scroll that he'd brought with him. Instead, she spread her wings wide and took off like a rocket, her destination Twilight's library. Even though she felt as though she'd cried every last drop of water from her body, broken inside in a way that she'd never before experienced, just the fact that the hunt for Raszagal was about to begin sent a mighty surge of energy blasting throughout her entire body. Like a raging wildfire, every muscle, bone, and tendon burned white-hot with the same aching desire.

Revenge.

“Hang on, Pinkie, I'm coming for ya,” she growled. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye, I'm gonna kick that chump of an alicorn's ass across the sky.”

As the sun steadily set over the distant horizon, Rainbow Dash arrived at Twilight's humble home, a library nestled in the hollowed-out form of a massive tree. Aside from the Doctor, Amy, Twilight, Spike, and Rainbow Dash, several others answered the lavender unicorn's call as well. Among them were Ponyville's esteemed mayor, Big Macintosh, and Spitfire, the captain of the Wonderbolts. After a short round of greetings, all ponies and baby dragons present then convened in the resident unicorn's dinning room, which due to the circumstances of the day's events had been transformed into a war room of sorts. Seated down the sides of a long banquet table, everypony nodded and turned expectantly towards Twilight Sparkle.

“I'm sure you all know by now,” began Twilight, her tone deadly serious, “why I asked to see you here. Not since Nightmare Moon's attempt at another eternal night or Discord's release has such a threat been posed. Our town has been attacked, one of our own has been stolen, and if the information that I've been given is to be trusted, much worse may well loom over the horizon.”

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth and stamped a hoof, shaking the entire table.

“And it is with a heavy heart that I must inform you all,” continued the unicorn, clearing her throat, “that I have yet to receive word back from either Princess Celestia or Princess Luna. Because they were last seen traveling through the Stormwall to New Shetland City, I can only assume that the tornadoes and massive thunderstorms that are common in that area are the cause of the loss of communication. I've only ever encountered two or three things capable of blocking the fire that Spike uses to send his messages, but counted among them are indeed extreme wind conditions. Because of this, I must also inform you that the royal guard and a majority of the Wonderbolts are also beyond contact, both groups having insisted upon protecting Princess Celestia and Princess Luna during their journey.”

Nervously, the Mayor piped in and asked, “So, where does that leave us then? Are there any other reinforcements coming at all?”

From his place at Twilight's side, Spike gulped nervously.

“I sent for Fyre Flower as well but have yet to hear from her either,” answered Twilight. “Given that she's an explorer and more than likely at one of the furthest ends of the kingdom right now, I highly doubt that we'll hear from her in time. So, with the exception of Spitfire, who prior to this was enjoying an extended vacation, it looks as though we're doing this... on our own.”

“I'm sorry that I was the only one you were able to reach,” said Spitfire with a frown. “Because he was technically around, Soarin' wanted to tag along too, but the nurses at the hospital were pretty adamant about not letting him try to save the world. The wing he broke a couple months back is still on the mend, so he'd probably just slow us down in the end. Heh, that's my team.”

Shaking her head, Twilight forced a smile and replied, “That's quite alright, Spitfire. We're lucky enough to have gotten you. Another Wonderbolt would have been great, but even just one is a massive improvement. I doubt that there's a pony in this room who would disagree with me on that.”

With the exception of the Doctor and Amy, who had never heard of the ace flying squad, everypony in the room concurred with an affirmative nod.

“So tell us, Twilight, what should we do?” asked the Mayor as she put a quick end to the pleasantries, her steady gaze careful and calculating. “Do you have a plan?”

“Actually, I~

Rising from his seat, the Doctor cut in, “If you wouldn't mind?”

“Not at all, Doctor,” answered the purple unicorn as she sat down and yielded the floor.

“Right then,” stated the brown pony evenly, his tail swinging from side to side as he spoke. “What we're dealing with is a transcendental being known as an Eternal. They're smart, they're powerful, and worst of all, they have absolutely no manners or morals whatsoever. In the universe from which both Amy and I hail, an Eternal's powers are nearly limitless and they often do as they please to whomever or whatever they please, the aftermath of course being completely inconsequential to them.”

“So then they really are like rogue gods!” exclaimed the Mayor, aghast.

“Hedonistic parasites, if you ask me,” continued the Doctor, grunting disdainfully. “They live solely to amuse themselves. In so doing, they often utilize what they refer to as 'Ephemerals' to their own ends.”

“Ephemerals?” interjected Spitfire, her tone quizzical.

“Fancying themselves the highest echelon of sentience, Eternals refer to any and every other 'mortal' form of sentient life as an Ephemeral,” clarified the Time Stallion.

“Wait a minute, you're saying these Eternal guys just go around and yoinking everyday folks out of their daily lives so they can... I don't know... 'play' with them?” questioned Spitfire again, her eyes wide in disbelief. “That's awful!”

Imagining Pinkie Pie being forced to dance around for Raszagal's amusement, Rainbow Dash murmured, “Sick.”

“Truly awful, truly sick,” agreed the Doctor, frowning. “It's why I've never been very partial of them. I've dealt with some in the past that weren't so egotistical and controlling, but they were far and few in between. For the most part, they're all like that.”

Cocking an eyebrow, Spike measured into the conversation again, questioning with a shrug, “Finding these 'Ephemerals' or whatever, kidnapping them, then making them dance around like puppets for their own amusement; these Eternal guys sure do go through a ton of trouble just to entertain themselves. Maybe it's just me or maybe they do more than just play around with their victims, but it just sounds like too much of a hassle, ya know?”

Both Twilight and the Doctor turned to face the baby dragon at the same time. Usually more of a joker than a thinker, there were still those moments where Spike's intelligence truly shined through.

“He makes an excellent point, Doctor,” stated the lilac unicorn, proud of her assistant. “Do Eternals actually need their Ephemerals for more than just entertainment?”

Nodding, the brown stallion replied, “Indeed they do. As I've already stated, I think twice today, Eternals are incapable of creative thought; they literally cannot conceptualize their own ideas. Instead, they utilize the thoughts of the Ephemerals that they've kidnapped, stealing their ideas for themselves.”

A silence fell over the room for a few seconds while the ponies (and dragon) present tried to imagine just what it would be like to be unable to imagine. The sheer irony of that mental question brought several of them headaches.

“Do they have any inherent weaknesses, Doctor?” inquired Amy as she jumped into the conversation, reigniting it. ”I never really thought to ask before, what with you always taking the initiative and all that.”

For the briefest moment, the Doctor's expression sharpened, but as quick as it had changed, a mere millisecond later and it reverted back to his usual, unreadable mask. Whatever had crossed his mind, it seemed that all the other ponies in the room were unaware.

All, that is, except for Amy. She knew that look all too well.

“Well, aside from their aforementioned lack of creative and imaginative thought, normally I would have to say no, but becaus~

Suddenly, the doors to the small dinning hall were thrown open.

“From what I've heard within this room, it sounds as though we are all quite doomed,” spoke Zecora, her expression exacerbated. “Now somepony help me get this one seated before my legs buckle and are defeated!”

With a majority of her weight leaning on the striped zebra, a battered and bruised Applejack limped into the room.

“Sorry Ah'm a tad late, everypony,” said Applejack, doing her best to grin through the pain, “but y'all just wouldn't believe the day Ah've had.”

“Applejack, what in Equestria are you doing here?” gasped Twilight as she, Rainbow Dash, and Big Macintosh jumped to their hooves to help her get safely seated.

Wincing in pain as her friends slowly lowered her into a seat, the blonde work-pony replied, “Heh, y'all know me, Ah just don't know when ta leave well enough alone.”

“No kidding, AJ, you look like you fell down a mountain,” gasped Spike.

Leaning back in her seat, she retorted with a snort, “Yeah, an' Ah feel like it too.”

Visibly irritated, Zecora simply rolled her eyes and sat down.

Flattening her ears in a mixture of guilt and embarrassment, Applejack turned to face her annoyed caretaker and added, “An' Ah really am sorry, Zecora, really, but ya know Ah just couldn't stand ta be left outta these proceedin's. My friend's life is at stake an' as mad as Ah'm sure hearin' me say this is gonna make ya, Ah'd more than gladly take twice as much punishment as Ah already have just ta know whether or not she'll be alright.”

“Mad, oh yes, I most certainly am, but let it be known that I do understand,” stated the sagely zebra with a nod.

Before returning to his seat, Big Macintosh gave his signature sprig of wheat a couple thoughtful chews and said, “Apple Bloom's been askin' 'bout ya.”

“Ya lie an' tell her Ah'm doin' just fine? Some lies are... more forgivable than others.” asked Applejack, her voice strained but steady.

“'Course.”

“Good. Ah don't want her frettin' over me, she's just a filly, she's got better things ta do than that. Thank ya, big brother.”

“Just promise ta make good use 'a my lie an' get better right quick.”

“Ah promise.”

Content, the red stallion smiled and returned to his spot at the table. Then, with a casual glance and a signal to rise, he motioned for the Doctor to resume where he had left off.

Normally, getting interrupted midway into a lengthy explanation left the centuries-old time traveler rather annoyed, but he had to admit to himself that the scene he'd just watched was a difficult one to not smile at. These ponies were a tough bunch, even in the eye of such a storm.

“As I was saying,” continued the Doctor, grinning, “aside from their lack of imagination, a trait that can make them rather predictable at times, their plans and machinations repeating themselves until they're forced to fetch another Ephemeral to steal ideas from, normally I would have to say no; ordinarily, an Eternal would boast no real weaknesses to speak of. Or, at the very least, no weaknesses that we could very easily exploit. Another Eternal more than likely could, perhaps, but that option isn't exactly available to us right now.”

“Ordinarily?” chimed-in Amy, her smile cunning and sly. “Not that these guys are ordinary at all, but I'm guessing that this situation is even less ordinary for our boy, Raszagal, right?”

“Precisely!” laughed the Doctor, his voice full of glee. “Upon entering this universe, Raszagal underwent a metamorphosis and became a pony, just as Amy and I did. While he appears to be quite powerful, the powers that we all witnessed him use weren't unheard of, were they?”

After mulling over it for a second, Spitfire was the first to concur, “No, all unicorns can do magic and all pegasus ponies can fly.”

“He was just really good at both,” said Dash, her eyes lighting up as she caught on.

“Exactly,” stated the Time Stallion with a wink. “An Eternal's powers are nearly limitless, the very fabric of reality twisting at their command, but not Raszagal's. He was forced to take a hostage in order to escape. What that tells me is that his powers have been restricted to those granted by this universe. Perhaps they're still godly, but they're a level of godly that we can still safely deal with.”

“Seen worse gods in yer travels, eh?” smirked Applejack tiredly.

With a nod, the Doctor answered, “Much worse.”

“Well, knowing that he can be dealt with is reassuring, but how do we actually go about dealing with him?” questioned the Mayor.

If they hadn't been already, everypony in the room turned to face the Doctor.

Adjusting his bow tie, he tilted his head and said, “What? I can't put the entire plan together, now can I? I don't know much about this universe. All that I do know are the things that I've seen and experienced, which might I remind you aren't much.”

“Actually, I think I have an idea,” announced Twilight, prompting everypony in the room to turn and face her. “I'm going to need your help with this, Zecora, but I think that in order to win, all we really have to do is make Raszagal the butt of a big joke.”

Immediately, the zebra burst out into laughter.

“Am I missing something?” questioned the Doctor.

“Listen closer, Doctor, for it is just as she spoke,” answered Zecora, still laughing, “she means to use the poison joke.”

After chewing on that for a few seconds, the Time Stallion frowned and said, “Nope, still not getting it.”

“Poison joke,” explained Twilight, fully aware of how difficult communicating with the mysterious zebra could sometimes be, “is a plant indigenous to the Everfree Forest. Like poison ivy and poison oak, it's toxic. The difference is that its toxin doesn't leave the victim with a rash or an itching sensation. Instead, it plays a sort of a 'joke' on them, usually in the form of role reversal.”

“Yeah, 'member when we went an' wandered through a whole field 'a it?” laughed Applejack, instantly regretting it as a sharp pain shot through her ribs.

Recalling that day quite well, Spike grinned and suppressed a fit of laughter.

Nodding, the unicorn replied, “My horn went limp, you shrunk down to a size of a hummingbird, Rainbow Dash couldn't control her flight patterns, soft-spoken Fluttershy's voice was replaced with a deep baritone one; ugh, it was a hectic day. But hectic, in this case, should be the exact opposite of what will happen. Judging by how you described Raszagal, and for that matter just about every other Eternal, their egos and their powers are their defining characteristics. If that's the case, then it only makes sense that the greatest joke to play on them would to be to completely strip them of their powers altogether!”

Utterly speechless for a few moments, the Doctor eventually slapped himself across the face and managed to muster, “That's... that's brilliant. Absolutely, completely, bloody brilliant! That just might work!”

“Zecora, among your potions do you happen to have a vial of concentrated poison joke?” asked Twilight.

Happily, the sage-like zebra beamed and nodded.

“Good, good, then all we have to do now is figure out how to find him, confront him, and work out a safe way of applying the poison joke potion to him,” the purple unicorn pondered aloud. “And I may have another part of that problem already partially solved. Using something of Pinkie Pie's, something close to her heart that she's strongly attached to, I can cast a tracking spell that should lead us directly to her.”

“I can fly over to Sugarcube Corner right now and ask Mr. and Mrs. Cake if they have anything there that might work,” offered Spitfire, hopping to her hooves and ready to take action.

But she didn't have to. Every pair of eyes in the room locked onto Rainbow Dash as she very carefully placed an envelope down onto the table and slid it towards Twilight.

“No need,” said the blue pegasus, her tone level and her expression guarded. “Use that.”

After a few seconds of silence, Twilight Sparkle looked very studiously at the envelope and asked, “What is it?”

“A love letter,” Dash responded, “a love letter that she wrote.”

Considering that, the Mayor then tapped a hoof against the table and inquired, “If it's a love letter that she wrote, what were you doing with it, Rainbow Dash?”

Feeling as though she were suffocating, Dash swallowed once and then answered hoarsely, “Celestia damn you, do I really have to spell this out? It's... it's addressed to me.”

The tension in the awkward silence that followed was practically palpable.

“Did you just~

“Yes, I did,” confirmed the pegasus.

“Well, care to~

“No, I don't!” she snapped, her voice now ripe with emotion. It took a few seconds for her to calm herself and soften her tone. “I've already cried twice today and I'd rather not test the whole 'third time's the charm' theory. There's... there's a time and a place for this kind of conversation. Now's not the time.”

With her eyes tightly closed in an attempt to force them to stay dry, Dash couldn't see Twilight as she got up from her seat and placed a comforting hoof on her sky-blue shoulder. Nor could she see the piercing, petrifying glare that the unicorn gave to the Mayor.

“It's okay, Rainbow, you don't have to say anything more,” whispered Twilight as she hugged her hurting friend.

As Twilight backed away, Rainbow Dash bit her lip and collected herself. With her composure regained, she took in a deep breath and opened her eyes.

Somehow, she had been successful in keeping them from flooding again.

Returning to her place at the end of the table, Twilight slammed one hoof down and announced, “Alright, everypony, I'm calling for a 15 minute recess while Zecora, the Doctor, Spike, and I work on the tracking spell! Be back here in exactly 15 minutes, not a second later!”

Then, turning to face Dash again, the lavender unicorn lowered her voice and promised, “I'll be more careful with this letter than I have ever been with any other spell ever before. You have my word.”

“And you have mine as well,” added the Doctor.

Smiling weakly, the blue pegasus nodded thankfully to the both of them.

“Well, that certainly was somethin', huh?” said Applejack, breaking the ice.

About five minutes had passed since Twilight had adjourned the meeting for a brief recess. Now only two ponies remained in the room.

Rubbing her head with one hoof, Dash shrugged and replied, “I was sort of hoping we'd all move out as soon as we got here. I had no idea how long the meeting was going to last. Heck, I had no idea how much stuff I had no idea about. Other worlds, other universes, space travel, time travel, Eternals, and Celestia knows what else!”

“Calm down, Sugarcube, don't go gettin' yerself all riled up,” said the farm mare in a motherly tone. “We need ya calm an' collected fer this.”

“Pinkie needs me calm and collected for this,” muttered Rainbow Dash, dejected.

Licking her lips as she searched for something to say, Applejack eventually stated, “You'll get her back, Dash. Ah know ya will.”

“But how can you know that?” snapped the pegasus, jumping up and out of her chair. “How can you know that I won't mess things up? How can you know that I'll be strong enough and fast enough to beat this guy? How can you know any of that?!”

After a few seconds passed, Rainbow Dash groaned in aggravation and sat back down.

“I'm sorry, Applejack, I didn't mean to yell at you,” apologized Dash with a grimace. “It's just... stuff. Stuff going on. Lot's of stuff, ya know?”

Smiling warmly, Applejack replied, “Ah know, Sugarcube, ah know. If'n ya think it'll help, ya can yell at me as much as ya want.”

“Pfft, where'll that get me?” complained the emotionally exhausted pegasus. “I've already done nothing but cry for the first half of the day and yelling for the rest of the second half sounds just as bad. Besides, I gave the whole 'stay angry' thing a shot during the meeting, couldn't you tell? All it did was make me look like and idiot and give me a gigantic headache. Ugh, and I don't know about you, but I seriously doubt that an idiot with a headache could punch a god in the face and free his hostage without messing something up.”

After letting out a heavy, held-in breath, Dash concluded, “So, yeah, to summarize all of that up, no, I don't want to yell at you. Of course I don't.”

Having finally gotten that out of her system, the blue pegasus rubbed at her head with one hoof and smiled weakly. While the situation was still quite dire, she couldn't deny that relaxing and just letting go of her stress felt good. Besides, she thought to herself, she'd need a clear head if she planned on shoving her hoof down that Eternal's smug throat.

Just the possibility of that made her smile widen a bit more.

“Well,” chuckled Applejack, her aching body immediately reminding her that thing's such as laughter were still against the rules, “we could just talk, if'n that's what ya'd like. Whenever Ah get madder than a wet hen, sure, Ah'll huff an' puff about it fer a while, but once all's said an' done Ah'll always end up doin' the same thing. Ah'll storm across the farm ta wherever Big Macintosh is, drag him away, find the nearest stool, sit him down on it, an' tell him what's got my edges frayed.”

Studying her friend for a moment, Rainbow Dash casually retorted, “But you already know why I'm frazzled. I mean, jeez, it's... it's pretty obvious.”

“That's true, but Ah also know that Ah'm more than willin' ta hear the same story twice if'n it might help ta shine some sun through yer cloudy skies,” stated the apple farmer affectionately.

Blushing, Dash leaned back in her chair, her eyes on the ceiling, and asked, “What if we skip the story and try something else? I suck at telling stories anyway. I'm more about going out there and living it, not talking about it.”

“Heh, shoot first an' ask questions later,” chuckled Applejack, making sure not to laugh too hard. “Definitely a bold way ta go 'bout life. An' sure, Sugarcube, ya don't have ta talk 'bout everythin' that went on today; we can do somethin' else if'n ya'd like.”

With the ghost of a smile beginning to touch her face, Rainbow Dash said, “You know you're one of my best friends, right?”

“Huh?” piqued the farm pony. That wasn't among the topics she'd been expecting. “Well, 'a course. Ah've always considered y'all one 'a my best friends too.”

“No, I mean,” Dash sputtered, fumbling for a way to say what she was thinking, “you're cool, one of the coolest ponies I know. Even though you don't have wings and you can't fly, you always manage to keep me sharp and on the tips of my hooves.”

With a smirk, Applejack replied, “Well, somepony's gotta keep ya in check, right? Ah might just be an earth pony, no wings or magic, but Ah'd like ta think that Ah hold my own pretty dern well.”

Applejack then took a moment to look down at her bandage-covered body.

Rolling her eyes, she amended, “Current circumstances notwithstandin'.”

“Of course,” said Rainbow Dash, her smile widening. ”That's why you're the only pony I've ever really gone to whenever I needed any advice.”

Quirking one eyebrow, the farm pony smirked, “Oh really? My advice? When was the last time ya actually listened ta what Ah said an' took it ta heart?”

Gulping, Dash looked away and answered, “This morning.”

Applejack winced hard at the mention of that. Of all the things to forget and then bring up by mistake!

“Dash, Ah'm sorry, Ah just plum forgot an' I didn't mean ta~

“It's alright,” said the pegasus with a sigh, cutting her friend off before she had a chance to apologize her way into next year. “Not only do I not blame you for stopping me, but that's not even what I want to talk about.”

“Oh?” questioned Applejack, relieved. “Then what do ya have on yer mind?”

“Well, it's like I said before,” explained Rainbow Dash as she nervously tapped her hooves against the floor, “you're the only one I've ever really gone to for advice and right now I could really use some.”

“Ah thought y'all were kiddin' before,” stated Applejack with an honest smile, “but if'n ya really do need some advice, then Ah'd be more than happy ta give some. What do ya need ta know, Sugarcube?”

Once again, what Rainbow Dash wanted to say sounded simple and easy in her head, but actually saying it was proving difficult. For what felt to the little pegasus like forever, the question simply sat there in her mind, screaming at the top of its lungs.

“I want to know,” she began, fidgeting in her seat, “what I should tell Pinkie Pie once we've rescued her. What should I say? What should I do? I keep trying to think of an answer on my own, but I'm just no good at this sort of thing. Emotions like love are... weird. I've never really felt that way about anypony before, the way she feels about me I mean. Or at least I thought I didn't. After reading her letter... I'm not so sure anymore.”

“Love's funny like that,” said Applejack with a nod. “Ya never know when or where it'll strike an' ya can never be fully prepared fer the consequences that'll come nippin' at yer heels 'cuz of it.”

Reeling back after hearing that, Dash blinked her eyes a few times and stated, “Way to encourage me there, Jack.”

“Sorry, hun, but that's the honest truth,” replied the blonde pony. “Ah wish it weren't the case, but wishin' on a star won't go gettin' us anywhere.”

“Too bad, because it's almost nighttime right now.”

“Heh, if ya'd like, Ah'll wish on a few with ya.”

“Nah, like you said, that won't get us anywhere.”

“Yeah... sorry.”

“That's alright,” sighed Rainbow Dash as 'the question' crept back into her head. “I'd just like an answer, preferably sooner than later. You have any ideas?”

Shaking her head, Applejack answered, “Plenty of 'em, but none Ah really fancy tellin' ya.”

Scowling, Dash quickly questioned, “What? Why not?”

“'Cuz, Sugarcube, they're all my answers,” stated the farmer sadly, “an' none 'a my answers are right fer you. This is a problem that ya gotta solve on yer own. Ah can help a bit, maybe be there fer ya if'n ya need a shoulder to cry on, but Ah can't do it fer ya. That's just not how it works. This riddle is yers an' yers alone. It'll be a tough one ta crack, Ah'm sure, but Ah'm also sure that whatever answer ya come up with, it'll be the right one.”

A few seconds of silence passed as Rainbow Dash thought hard about what her friend had said.

“Confusin', ain't it?” said Applejack as she stood up.

Rainbow Dash looked at the earth pony worryingly, not sure if it was alright for her to stand on her own.

“Okay, Dash, okay... Ah think Ah can help,” stated Applejack as she slowly made her way over to the nearest window. The blonde mare looked at the distant sunset with a knowing look in her eyes. “The thing is, ya gotta answer me somethin' first.”

Not sure where Applejack was going with this, the blue pegasus hesitated for a moment before replying, “Alright, I'm game. Ask away.”

“It's about Pinkie Pie,” said Applejack, her eyes still focused on the dwindling light as it disappeared over the hills. “Even if ya don't return Pinkie's feelins, will ya still stay by her side as her friend? Will ya fight off the awkwardness an' make damn sure that a rift won't go growin' between ya?”

Rainbow Dash watched from her seat as a steady trickle of tears streamed down her friend's face and collected in a small pool on the floor.

“Will ya forgive her,” persisted Applejack, her voice thready and shaken, “fer hatin' ya if'n she can't handle it, if'n she can't handle not bein' able ta spend the rest 'a her life with ya?”

That question left the pegasus pony speechless, completely and utterly speechless. Minutes ticked away as she floundered for a reply. All the while, still staring out the window at the vanishing light, Applejack continued to silently cry.

Finally, after shaking her head clear of the shock, Dash stood up from her seat and trumpeted, “Of course! Of course I will! I refuse to lose her as a friend! Even if that's what she wants, to lose me in the end, I'll find a way to stay friends!”

One last tear fell to the floor before Applejack turned around.

On her face was the widest, brightest smile that Rainbow Dash had ever seen.

“Then ya can't go wrong, darlin',” said the earth pony as raised a hoof to wipe at her eyes. “Stars above, Ah wish Ah had the courage ta do what yer doin'.”

“What do you mean?” asked Dash, perhaps more confused at that moment than she had ever been before. “You mean you wish you could go and fight Raszagal with us?”

“'Course Ah wish that,” laughed Applejack, “but no, that's not what Ah meant. Ah wish Ah had the courage ta face the one that Ah've had my eyes on and tell 'em how Ah feel.”

Rainbow Dash's eyes widened as everything suddenly clicked into place.

Shocked, the blue pegasus pried, “You're... in love with somepony too, Applejack?”

Sighing, the apple farmer paced back over to her seat and replied, “Fer the longest time now. It's done been so long that Ah can't fer the life 'a me think of a time that Ah didn't love her.”

“And it's a 'her' too?!” exclaimed Dash, her mouth agape in surprise.

With a sad and hollow laugh, Applejack said, “Yeah, it's a her. It's been a her ever since the two 'a us first met.”

“Well, why haven't you ever tried to tell her how you feel?” asked Dash, tilting her head. “You just gave me some pretty awesome advice. Why don't you follow it yourself? Practice what you preach and all that stuff, ya know?”

“'Cuz Ah'm afraid,” answered the farm pony. “Celestia knows Ah've tried, Sugarcube, it just always ends the same. There Ah am, standin' inches away from her door, an' all I gotta do is knock an' recite the same old speech Ah've had rattlin' around in my head fer years. But, like always, Ah turn tail an' run.”

“But you don't run from anything!” replied the prismatic pegasus, throwing her hooves in the air melodramatically. “You're Applejack, you don't even run from stampedes or landslides!”

“Some things are scarier than that sorta stuff, Dash. A landslide or an avalanche, sure, Ah could face those down 'til Ah was neck-deep in dirt an' snow. But this... this is just... different. It's the only thing that Ah just can't do.”

“And I refuse to believe that!”

“Ya can refuse ta believe it all ya want, it don't change a thing!”

“Why? Why doesn't it?”

Slamming her eyes shut, Applejack exclaimed, “'Cuz it just don't! Ya don't know her like Ah know her, Dash! We're so... so different! Everythin' 'bout us is just a long list 'a opposites! Buckin' apples has me rollin' in the mud every dang day, but she's scared ta death 'a just the thought 'a gettin' dirty!”

Immediately, Applejack knew that she had said too much. When she opened her eyes and saw Rainbow Dash staring back at her with a pitiful look, she wished that Raszagal's attack had done more than just banged her up.

As Dash stepped forward, a protest on the tip of her tongue, a loud clatter arose from just outside the library. The recess' 15 minutes had elapsed and the meeting was about to resume. It was then that the doors to the dinning hall burst open and everypony began returning to their seats. The two ponies locked eyes one more time before Rainbow Dash ran back over to her place at the other side of the table. Hiding her eyes beneath the wide brim of her hat, Applejack took in a deep breath and frowned. She certainly hadn't expected to reveal as much as she did, but she resigned herself to the fact that what was said was said and that there was no way she could take any of it back. The farm pony was glad to have helped her friend, mortified that she'd let such a large cat out of the bag, and felt terribly guilty for refusing the same kind of help that she had only moments before given.

“Am Ah ever gonna do anythin' right?” growled the emotionally armored earth pony beneath her breath. “Ah just hope Ah didn't go an' ruin all 'a that cheerin' up Ah did by bein' such a stupid hypocrite. She needs support right now, not me pushin' her away with my dumb fears.”

But Applejack wasn't given much time to think about her misstep as a muffled explosion shook the whole building.

“Everyone!” announced the distant voice of the Doctor.

From the depths of the basement, Twilight Sparkle, Zecora, Spike, Amy, and the Doctor emerged, a trail of thick blue smoke quick at their heels.

The Time Stallion coughed once, then grinned and said, “The hunt is on.”