Pre-reader/editor: MrMinimii
Fading
“Hey, AJ, how is it going?”
Applejack stopped walking and turned her face towards the bright blue sky. A very familiar multicolor maned pegasus was flying a few meters above her, grinning broadly.
“Well howdy there, Rainbow Dash,” Applejack answered with a smile of her own. “What’s bringing you to the heart of mah orchard ? Haven’t seen you here for a while.”
“Just passing by to say hello.”
The pegasus landed on the ground while Applejack withdrew herself from the empty cart she had been pulling from the barn. The apples on the trees all around them were glowing red and calling out to be picked up.
“Want to give me a hoof with some of those?” Applejack asked with a nod towards the trees.
Rainbow Dash turned her head left and right slowly, like if she was looking for somepony.
“Did your brother mess up his back again?”
“He did!”
Applejack let out a soft chuckle thinking about Big Macintosh who was forced out of any physical activity since he had managed to hurt himself - once more. And with Apple Bloom having taken a day off to see her friends in town, she was alone in working. Not that she really minded: she’d buck trees just as well. But it would be nice to have some company.
“Well then, tell him the greatest Wonderbolt of all time is wishing him to get better soon. That should heal him pretty fast."
“Ah’ll tell him Rainbow Dash was worried about him and that you wished him well, that’ll make him happy.”
“Hey, no, you can’t say that to him! He’ll think I turned sappy!”
Applejack laughed and gave a swift kick to the tree behind her, making all the apples fall neatly in the cart below.
“So, are you goin’ to help me or not?”
Rainbow Dash offered an apologetic smile.
“Can’t, sorry. I was on my way to Cloudsdale, and when I flew over here I just thought I could come by and say hi.”
She looked down briefly.
“Sorry I didn’t come more often those last weeks. Y’know, with the trainings and all…”
“Hey, it’s okay Sugarcube,” Applejack reassured her. “Don’t you get all worried about it, ah know how it goes. Besides…”
She sent her a teasing look.
“You’ll need a good deal of those trainin' sessions if you want to be the best Wonderbolt ever.”
That made Raibow Dash tick just the way she expected it.
“I am the best Wonderbolt ever! They just…don’t know that yet,” the pegasus proclaimed, flapping her wings out of excitement and hovering just a few feet over the ground.
“Sure thing, Sugar,” Applejack said with a smirk before approaching another tree to buck.
Rainbow pouted but the earth pony knew very well that she wasn’t upset.
Applejack smiled to herself, truly appreciating the simple discussion that reminded her so much of past times when the two of them would talk and joke after a good running competition. Since Rainbow Dash had made it in the Wonderbolts, she spent most of her time in Cloudsdale than anywhere else, when she wasn’t flying to some big city to give a show in front of thousands of ponies. Applejack was very happy for her friend to have finally achieved her biggest dream, but she couldn’t help thinking with regret of the previous years when they could spend so much more time together.
Rainbow Dash’s thoughts seemed to follow the same trail.
“Got any news of the others?” she asked, still flying a few feet above the ground. “How are they doing?”
“They’re doin’ might fine,” Applejack answered as she made a new load of apples fall in the chart. “Pinkie Pie’s still makin’ the best parties around at any occasion she gets.”
Rainbow snorted.
“Hasn’t changed a lot!”
“Not one bit. But that’s just how we like our Pinkie, right? Fluttershy’s havin’ a lot of work since she found an entire squirrel family. ‘Appears Angel bunny isn’t exactly fond of them. Last time ah went to check on her, the place was like a critters’ version of a war field,” Applejack said before chuckling while Rainbow Dash let out a loud laugh. “Rarity is in for a big show: she left for Canterlot a few days ago, takin' some of her fanciest dresses. Ah haven’t seen her that happy since that time she was invited to the castle by the Princess. And Twilight…”
She paused, thinking fondly of their unicorn friend.
“She’s still the same ol’ Twilight. Still reading as many books a day she can. Ah swear she soon won’t find any in Equestria she hasn’t read already!”
“Yeah…Good old Twilight,” Rainbow Dash repeated with a slightly nostalgic stare.
She landed and folded her wings, seemingly lost in thoughts – a quite rare sight.
“Ah know how you feel,” Applejack said with a sympathetic smile. “It’s been… what, seven years since she first came here and ah still can’t really wrap mah mind around it. It feels...Well it feels kinda short and long at the same time, you know?”
“Well…Yeah, but have to say that with all the trainings and shows I don't get to think about this kind of things a lot. I mean, being with the Wonderbolts is just so awesome I can still barely believe it!”
“Come on, Sugarcube, it’s been three years now, you gotta start believin’ you made in for good!”
“I know, I know, but there are some days, when I find myself right in front of Spitfire, and I still can’t believe my luck. I mean, this is still so impressive!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed with a squeal.
“Guess that will never change either…”
“Never. Well…until the day I’m getting promoted Captain, which shouldn’t take long now.”
“Don’t get on your high horses, Rainbow,” Applejack warned with a wink.
“I don’t! Anyway, what about you? Anything new?”
“Nah.”
Applejack pulled her cart towards a new bunch of trees, right to the limits of the forest, where the orchard was bordered by the endless fields surrounding Sweet Apple Acres.
“Ah’m still takin’ care of mah business. Buckin’ trees every day and sellin’ apples.”
“Doesn’t it…”
Applejack turned to face her friend who seemed unsure about saying whatever she had on her mind.
“Doesn’t it become boring? I mean… I thought, maybe, after all those years…”
Applejack interrupted her with a soft chuckle and a tranquil gesture of the hoof.
“Now, now, Rainbow…”
She sat on her haunches, leaving her cart unattended for the time.
“Ah’m doin’ what ah love best in the world: takin’ care of my family’s business. Ain’t gonna change and ah just love it that way. That’s my own dream.”
Rainbow Dash didn’t comment and simply nodded before turning towards the fields that bordered the orchard.
“Well, I guess I should get going now.”
“To your trainin' session?”
“Yeah. Don’t wanna be late and miss it. I still need a bit of training for some stunts, but guess what? The next show’s gonna be awesome!”
She flapped her wings a few times and turned to her friend.
“I’m glad you’re all doing okay. See ya around, AJ. I’ll try to come sooner next time. Tell the others I miss them!”
The pegasus obviously wasn’t expecting any answer for she immediately took off to the sky. Applejack reacted in an instant: she jumped and took a grab of the multicolor tail, keeping her from going anywhere.
“Wait!” Applejack managed to articulate through her mouthful.
She let go when she was sure that Rainbow Dash wouldn’t fly away and turned back to lie down beneath the shadow of a tree, under the surprised look of her friend.
“Why don’t you just stay here with me today?”
She tilted her head to invite the pegasus to come and sit next to her. Rainbow Dash actually seemed to consider her offer, turning her head briefly towards the hills away, like hesitating to go. Applejack seized the occasion.
“It’s just a trainin' session, Rainbow. You got them all the time.”
“I don’t know. Spitfire isn’t gonna like it if I don’t show myself there.”
“Aw, come on, Sugarcube. You can miss one. Stay with me. We’ll just relax for some time. Doesn’t that sound nice? We haven’t seen each other for so long and we don’t know when we’ll have the occasion to be together again.”
Rainbow Dash seemed to think about it some more and then finally landed on the grass before walking to Applejack as a small smile crept across her face.
“I guess it does sound nice. But only this time, okay?” she said before lying down next to the earth pony.
“Only this time.”
They remained silent for a moment, enjoying each other’s presence and the soft caress of a hot wind against their coat. Applejack was surprised but infinitely happy to have convinced her friend to stay. It had been so long since they had last seen each other... And she’d missed her, a lot. She had to keep Rainbow by her side, just a few more minutes. The earth pony smiled fondly, something the pegasus didn’t seem to notice.
“Have to say I’m surprised, Applejack,” Rainbow Dash said with a smirk. “You, taking a pause in your work just to have small talk with me? Sure you’re not sick or something?”
“Nah. It’s important to have some time for your friends. You all made me learn that years ago when ah wasn’t able to stop workin’ and accept your help. Ah’m not makin’ the same mistake again.”
The cyan mare nodded and went back at staring the scenery. Applejack felt better than she had in weeks. She felt happy – and somehow relieved – to have her best friend near her once again. It had been too long since they last had the time to be like that. She felt so good and relaxed she might even be tempted to lay her head down and take a nap right here and then…
Shaking herself out of her reverie, she was about to challenge the pegasus to a little race but stopped when she felt herself start to tremble lightly. Soon enough a loud bang was heard and Applejack froze. Her throat tightened and she turned her head just in time to see the remnants of a Sonic Rainboom expanding in the sky all over the hills far away in the horizon.
Applejack shuddered and closed her eyes. The hot wind was still blowing softly, but it couldn’t keep the cold from seeping inside her body like poison. She gritted her teeth as her breathing became labored.
“Rainbow…” she whispered, trying hard not to stutter and keeping her eyes firmly closed.
“Yeah. I know.”
She opened her eyes to look at the pegasus who was still lying next to her, a calm expression on her face. Rainbow Dash’s eyes were fixed on the horizon, where the last remainders of the Sonic Rainboom were slowly dissipating. She looked peaceful.
Applejack also briefly turned her head back to the fields, not shaking anymore, but simply accepting. When she looked once again where her friend was lying, she saw nothing but slightly crumpled grass. She panicked for a second, but then found Rainbow Dash standing right in front of her, an understanding smile on her lips.
Applejack had to swallow the lump in her throat to talk.
“Ah missed you so much, Rainbow.”
“It’s going to be fine.”
“Ah’m so sorry.”
“Well you shouldn’t be.”
The pegasus tilted her head towards the still lying earth pony as if to comfort her. And it did comfort her a bit, but not nearly enough to calm the anguish that was fiercely gripping Applejack’s heart.
“It’s okay, AJ.”
Distant echoes of a new explosion could be heard and the colors of the rainbow were displayed far away in the sky a second time.
“ Ah won’t forget you, Rainbow. Never.”
“Of course not!”
The colors seemed to fade somehow, slowly mixing. The light coming from the sun over the hills was way too bright, and Applejack had trouble focusing on anything but the cyan mare in front of her. The pegasus’ voice was the only thing that remained firm and secure around her and desperation clawed at her heart because she knew her friend would soon be gone with the fading scenery.
"I know you won’t."
******
“Rainbow…”
Applejack kept her eyes closed a few seconds after she woke, feeling moistness building behind her eyelids. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and slowly rose from her bed, leaving without regret the softness of her pillow. She was shaking. Applejack took a deep breath to try to regain control over her emotions and took a look out of the window to face the starlit dark sky.
Still a few hours left before dawn.
She crouched near the window and put her forehead against the cool glass, staring into the night. The cold against her skin calmed her down a bit and she released a sigh. She stayed there for a few minutes, watching the orchard drowned in the dark and soon flashes of the dream came back to her. She shook her head, took another deep breath and tried to think of nothing as she kept staring at the exterior. The sky was completely clear and the moon outside offered a beautiful but cold company. After some time, Applejack forced herself to lie back down on the bed, never taking her eyes away from the night sky.
The mattress was soft, the blankets were warm, but she felt cold.
Just a few hours.
******
“Sis’, are you alright?”
Applejack looked at the young red maned mare sitting right next to her at the kitchen’s table, and who was surveying her, eyebrows furrowed.
“Ah’m fine, Apple Bloom,” she reassured her with a gentle smile.
“You’re not eatin’ anythin’… Are you sick?”
Applejack chuckled at her sister’s attention, but regained her serious composure when she saw the looks on the faces of her brother and grandma who were sitting on the opposite side of the table.
“Ah will. Ah’m just not very hungry.”
She took a bite of the apple pie on her plate and swallowed it without enthusiasm. It was the same apple pie Granny Smith always did, and Granny Smith’s apple pies were always delicious. Today she found it tasted bland.
Applejack took another bite and smiled at her sister who seemed a bit less worried.
“Ah’m fine, really. Now, weren’t you supposed to meet your friends today? You’ve been buggin' me about a day off for so long, you should hurry and not waste a minute of it."
"Got it, sis’!"
Suddenly invigorated by the prospect of seeing her friends, Apple Bloom sprinted out of the room and they could hear her running up the stairs. Applejack turned her attention back to her plate and forced herself to take a few bites. Once she’d be done here she'd go out and start bucking apples. There was a lot to do, like always.
She felt the stares of her kin on her. They were surveying her like if she was going to lose it. Applejack gave them the most honest smile she could manage to do.
“Ah’m fine, don’t worry you guys. Ah’ll go and start workin’. Sorry ah didn’t finish your pie, Granny. Ah’m just…”
She didn't end her sentence, letting the words drown in the silence of the kitchen, unable to convey whatever she wanted to say in the first place – she didn't even know what she was trying to say. Applejack simply walked out and headed for the barn. A few minutes later she was all settled for work and made her way through the trees where she started working in silence, hitting each trunk around her with the ease of years of apple bucking. A gust of wind ruffled her mane and she shuddered, her thoughts irremediably taken back to her dream of the night.
Damn. I had forgotten how real they could feel.
The nice sensation of the wind ruffling her coat, the feel of the grass under her belly when she was lying next to her friend. The talk with Rainbow Dash, the simple fact of hearing her voice soothing her.
The sound of the exploding Rainboom far away.
It felt all so real.
It wasn't real, Applejack, you know it. It was a long time ago and Rainbow Dash wasn't even here when... Oh lands sakes, get a grip on yourself!
She shook her head to get rid of the poisonous thoughts and placed back with trembling hooves her hat who had tipped off.
Everythin’s goin’ to be okay, Applejack. You just need to buck down those apples, like every other day. C’mon, you know how to do it. Everythin’ will be just fine. Fine and dandy.
She started bucking the trees again, trying to focus on nothing else but the strong reverberation in her legs each time her hooves would hit the solid trunk of a tree.
Fine and dandy.
******
It would be dark soon.
Almost time, Applejack thought.
She stood sitting outside the barn, eyeing Ponyville’s first houses a little further away down the hill. The sky had lost its perfect shade of blue and was now full of an orange glow that marked the arrival of the sunset. Soon it would be time for her to go down the path leading to Ponyville, but for now she would just stay here, thinking and waiting for her little sister to come back home.
Applejack heard the heavy steps of the stallion stop beside her before he started to speak, “You’re gonna come in and eat somethin’ before goin’?”
“Ah’m not hungry.”
She sighed. She had promised herself she wouldn’t make it more difficult than it already was. They were going to worry about her, but she couldn’t do anything about it: there was no way she could get anything down her throat.
And here ah thought it'd be easier after all those months.
“Ah’m really sorry, BigMac,” Applejack said, turning to see the ever so neutral face of her brother.
“Ah’ll be fine, no need to worry about me.”
“Ah can’t help it. Ah’ll see you later then?”
Applejack shook her head.
“Don’t think so. Ah really don’t know when ah’ll be back, so don’t wait for me, okay? Just go to bed early so that tomorrow we can make up for the work ah missed today. Ah didn’t buck half enough trees.”
“You did well enough,” BigMac replied as he watched the orchard. “Alright, ah won’t wait for you. Could you do somethin’ for me?” he asked and Applejack furrowed her brow.
“What is it?”
“Send my best wishes to all your friends. And..."
The stallion got closer and she felt his chin rub the top of her head, tilting her hat. She smiled and leaned slightly against him, relieving in his familiar scent.
"Say goodbye to her for me."
"...Okay."
He briefly tightened his hold on her before letting go.
“Thanks, BigMac.”
"Anytime."
The stallion turned back to enter the house, leaving his sister on the porch still surveying the horizon. She hadn’t moved a hoof when, barely a minute later, the sound of another pony approaching reached her ears.
He just couldn't help but send her. Why did he wake her? She needs her sleep and ah told him ah’d be fine!
Applejack smiled as she thought about her big brother, always so caring beneath his ever free-of-any-worry attitude.
Granny Smith sat down beside her, and Applejack cringed as she heard her joints creaking.
“You shouldn’t have bothered yourself, granny. You were sleeping might’ well.”
“Nonsense,” the old mare protested. “Ah have to be here for mah granddaughter when she needs me. What kind of grandma do you think ah am?”
Applejack was about to answer, but decided to keep her mouth shut. She knew perfectly well that the old mare wouldn’t move a muscle until she got to say what she wanted.
There was silence between them for some time, only slightly disturbed by the distant echoes of fillies’ laughter coming from somewhere down the hills. When Granny Smith started talking, Applejack thought that she'd never sounded so weary.
"Ah think it’s for the best, Applejack."
The young mare repressed a sigh.
“When exactly…?” Granny Smith asked.
“At nine, tonight.”
“You’ll be alright. You’re a strong pony.”
“Granny, we talked about it already.”
“At the time we didn’t know it would end like this,” the old mare said, slowly shaking her head. “Now it’s different.”
“Yeah. Ah always…”
Applejack sighed and closed her eyes briefly, taking time to choose her words carefully.
“Ah always knew…there was this possibility that she would not make it. But…ah always thought it would be okay in the end. Guess ah was way too much of an optimistic, huh?”
“That’s not a bad thing, optimism. But now you’ll need to be there for your friends. You’ll all have to be there for each other. And if you ever have trouble dealing, you'll always have your family to help. Right here," Granny Smith said with a light stomp of her frail hoof.
Applejack smiled and leaned to nuzzle the old mare.
“Thanks. Ah know ah can count on you all.”
“Good. Now, you might believe this doesn’t affect me as much as you because ah didn’t know your friend that well, but...It’s a tragedy and ah feel terrible you have to go through it. Ah always thought ah would be the first on the list of the ponies you’d have to bury. That’s how it was supposed to happen and ah’m sorry it didn’t.”
Applejack jumped back.
“Grandma, don’t say –”
“Hush, filly. Ah think it’s important for you to hear it. What you and your friends are goin' through isn’t what most young ponies your age have to face, especially not here, in Ponyville. Now, ah’m sure you’re all strong enough to not let it drag you down, individually. What you’ll have to watch out for is for it not to destroy what you have with the others. You need to go on, just like before. You need to make it, together. That’s what your friend would’ve wanted. Do you understand, Applejack?”
“Yes, Granny.”
The orange pony locked eyes with the old mare, trying to show her that she indeed understood and was ready to do whatever it would take to help them going on. Her stare must have convinced Granny Smith for she seemed to relax and gave a small, bitter smile.
“Good. The comin' months won’t be easy on you. You will hurt a damn lot. But what you said before was right, even if you might not believe it now: it will be okay in the end. Remember that."
“Ah’ll remember. Thank you, Granny.”
“Always there for you.”
With a last nuzzle the old mare went back into the house from which came a light fragrance of freshly cooked soup. Applejack stayed in a comfortable silence, trying not to think too much about anything. It took ten minutes for her sister to finally appear, climbing up the path to the house, returning from town. The sun had almost entirely set and elongated their shadows. Applejack hailed Apple Bloom.
“How was your afternoon, little sis’?” she asked once the younger mare had joined her.
“Great!” Apple Bloom answered with excitement. “Sweetie Bell showed us some of her last songs. She’s gettin’ so good she’ll have no problem findin’ some contacts to perform in Canterlot. And Scootaloo’s gonna participate to the Grand Pegasus Race in a month. She told us she’s totally ready for it, but she still seemed a bit nervous. Ah told her ah was sure she would be the best but she didn’t seem to believe me so ah… Applejack, are you alright?”
“Uh? Of course ah am!”
The orange mare extended a foreleg to draw the younger pony against her, trying to understand at what point a lump had formed in her throat. Apple Bloom remained still against her, certainly wondering what had gotten to her. Not so long ago it would have been an easy gesture: the filly would’ve fitted perfectly between her forelegs, small and more than happy to cuddle. Now she was an almost grown-up mare, with just a few inches less than her older sister. Applejack wouldn’t usually give it too much thought: she was proud to see that her sister had become such a beautiful, graceful pony. But it seemed that tonight nostalgia had decided to kick her right in the guts - and she didn’t know whether she liked it or hated it.
“Ah love you, Apple Bloom.”
She felt her sister turn her head slightly against her shoulder as if to take a better look at her face.
“…Ah love you too…?”
Applejack chuckled at her confused tone and at the same time found herself repressing with difficulty a sob that almost made it past her lips. She put a hoof against her mouth to silence herself.
“Applejack, are you cryin’?”
“Nah,” she answered, sniffling as discreetly as possible. "Ah’m not.”
With that she released her hold on Apple Bloom and gave her a light tap on the shoulder.
“You should go inside, soup’s ready.”
“‘kay.”
Apple Bloom took a step back and stared at her for a moment before entering the house. Applejack heard BigMacintosh welcoming his sister home and Granny Smith telling her to hurry and wash her hooves before coming down for supper. Applejack took a deep breath that filled her lungs with fresh air that smelled like apples and then released it slowly, feeling the lump in her throat partly disappearing. She repressed a sigh. How she wanted to turn back and join her family! The weather was getting chilly and she could feel the warmth emanating from the house caressing the coat on her back, beckoning her inside. She raised her head to the sky where the first stars had appeared and were shining lightly, as if to encourage her to step into the night.
Time to go.
She rose and made her way down the dirt path, leaving behind her the house and its sweet, familiar atmosphere. She walked slowly, heading for Ponyville under the sky that grew darker while more and more stars appeared to guide her through the night.
******
The streets of Ponyville were almost completely empty, most of its inhabitants already at home for supper. Applejack noticed lights coming from Carousel Boutique and wondered if Rarity was on her way. She encountered Lyra and Bon-Bon heading to the restaurant and she answered with a nod when they both saluted her. A pang of jealousy stabbed her when she looked at their happy faces. Tomorrow they’d wake up like every other day, peacefully unaware of the previous' evening events.
Applejack reached the road where the library of the town was situated. The inside of the tree-house was illuminated and she saw the shadow of her friend walking by one of the windows and decided to wait for her. It wasn’t too long before the wooden door opened and a lavender-coated pony stepped out. Applejack headed in her direction and called out as the other mare started trotting away.
“Twilight, wait!”
The unicorn stopped and turned her head back to watch the orange pony approaching, looking surprised to see her, but not unhappy.
“Applejack? I thought we were supposed to meet at –”
“Yeah, ah know. But ah saw you were still there and thought it'd be better to wait for you. You don’t mind, do you?"
“Of course not,” Twilight Sparkle assured with a light smile. “I’m glad actually. I could use some company.”
“Same here.”
The two made their way through the town. Muffled laughter and loud speaking could be heard from time to time beyond the walls of the houses they passed by. Silence grew between them, and it wasn’t a pleasant one in Applejack's mind. This silence clutched at her heart in a cold, iron grip. She couldn’t bear it anymore, so she decided to ask the first thing she could think of.
“So…have you seen any of the girls today?”
“Huh?”
Twilight seemed to shake herself out of her reverie.
“Oh, yes, I’ve seen Pinkie Pie. At Sugarcube Corner, of course.”
“How was she doin’?”
“Well…Hard to say. She was selling her cupcakes just as usual. She seemed a bit less bouncy, though."
“Ah can understand why,” Applejack whispered.
"Yeah... But she said she was doing okay."
They were getting closer to their destination. Only a few more houses and they would be there. The orange mare felt a knot form in her stomach and she forced herself to speak some more.
“Ah admire her so much. Pinkie always acts like she doesn’t have a care in the world besides her friends’ well-being, and as much as I appreciated her for this, ah regret not bein’ able to see sooner that there was more to her than that. She impresses me.”
“Me too.”
“What about Fluttershy and Rarity?”
“I haven’t seen Rarity, but I spoke to Sweetie Bell and she told me Rarity had secluded herself in the shop those last two days and wouldn’t do anything but work on her dresses.”
“Doesn’t sound too good…”
Twilight let out a small snort and Applejack glanced at her with disbelief. What could be so funny? It was hardly a time for laughing. She herself was feeling gradually worse as minutes went by.
“Look who’s talking,” the unicorn said with a smirk. “May I remind you that you are the one famous for getting lost in hours of work , going as far as disregarding your personal health?”
“That’s not the same! Ah’ve got the whole business to take care of and if ah don’t… that can’t end well. There’s no comparison.”
“Really now?”
The unicorn didn’t add anything but she looked sideways at Applejack who started to feel like she might have been fooling herself. She did after all spend her whole day in the orchard trying to focus on her work instead of what was waiting for her in the evening. And yes, the day before she'd also stayed at Sweet Apple Acres, leaving to her sister the task to go and sell their usual supplies in Ponyville. The idea of seeing anypony beside her family had sickened her.
“Ah guess you’re right,” Applejack finally conceded.
“I’m not worried anyway. I saw her quite often and she seemed to be fine. Now Fluttershy on the other hoof… I don’t know. Maybe she’s more used to this kind of…thing…than us? You know, because of her animals?”
Applejack couldn’t help but feel offended at this.
“That’s really not the same, Twilight. They’re animals. As much as ah believe we should respect and love them, we just can’t compare. She’s a pony and our friend.”
The lavender mare hung her head.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I guess I’m just trying to find a way to reassure myself about Fluttershy’s condition.”
She let out a sigh and lifted her face to the sky, like she was looking for comfort and advice from the moon whose glow illuminated their path.
Applejack looked in front of her and felt her heart sink.
That’s it this time. Ah can see the building.
She decided to speak again, because talking made it easier and kept her walking, but Twilight was quicker.
“Oh, and Spike has been such a sweetheart lately. I mean, he usually is, but those days he was exceptionally so. He offered to rearrange entirely the shelves of the library – it’s true that I complained a lot about it those last days. He also helped me with one of my new potions, and you know how much he hates those since I accidentally spilled one on him once. Then he made us some picnic to go and have some nice time in the…the park…"
Twilight’s voice died out and the last words were lost to silence.
“We’re here, AJ.”
The unicorn’s voice had wavered slightly and Applejack heard her gulp.
This time that was it. A few more steps and they’d be inside the building.
“Well. I guess now we can only…”
Turn back.
“…we can only go on. Let’s go, Applejack.”
Turn back now.
“I feel so nervous… But at the same time, I really want it to end. I’m so… so tired of it.”
Turn back, Applejack! You can run! Now!
“…and I know this is going to be incredibly hard, but –”
“Twi… Twi, ah can’t.”
The unicorn, who was already pushing the door of the building, turned around, her eyes searching for those of her friend, concern and surprise written all over her face.
“Applejack, what are you –”
“Ah can’t. Ah’m so sorry Twilight, ah just can’t.”
Applejack closed her eyes, feeling dread pierce her heart.
“Ah can’t.”
“Yes you can.” The lavender mare went back on her tracks, a glint of mixed determination and empathy filling her eyes “You can do this. And you will.”
“No. No, ah’m –”
“Come.”
Twilight stood next to her, encouraging her to keep going on but it was no use: Applejack simply couldn’t move. Her hooves were glued to the ground, keeping her right before the entry of the building and safe outside. She could feel her legs start shaking and it was getting hard to breathe.
“It’s too hard. Ah don’t want to do this.”
“We talked about it, AJ,” the unicorn said patiently, in a soothing tone. “We’re doing it for her. This is the best we can do.”
“No, there must be another way! Ah just can’t believe this is our only option. We have to think more!”
If Applejack hadn’t been completely frozen in place, she would’ve stomped the ground hard.
“There’s nothing to “think more” about!” Twilight replied, louder this time. “The doctors know what they’re doing and what is best for her.”
“We’re goin’ to kill her! That’s what is best for you?!” Applejack shouted, her voice almost cracking.
“We’re not killing her, we’re setting her free. Don’t you understand?”
“No! No, ah don’t, it feels wrong and…and…”
She didn’t know anymore, her confusion and panic keeping her from thinking straight. She thought she had been doing fine the rest of the day and now… Now it felt like she was going to collapse right then and there, to crumble under the unfairness of it all.
“Ah can’t do it. Ah’ll just go. Ah’m sorry.”
“No!”
Twilight’s outburst forced Applejack to listen to her. Her friend moved right in front of her, determination glowing in her eyes.
“Don’t be sorry now, we need to go! We need to go for her! Won’t you be there for your best friend?”
“Twilight, don’t – ”
“She needs you!” the unicorn shouted suddenly, startling Applejack who found herself tongue-tied.
She couldn’t find the strength to argue more as she looked at her friend.
"Please… It’s been ten months. It’s time to let her go."
Applejack stayed put for a few instants, almost feeling her brain working its way out of her numb panic. She was quite sure the unicorn was starting to tear up. Only then did she understand that Twilight’s previous apparent calm was nothing but a facade and shame washed over her. Applejack swallowed hard and fought to retrieve a semblance of control over her emotions.
Applejack, you big fool!
How could she have been so selfish? Twilight Sparkle wasn’t having it any easier than her and she wasn’t threatening to leave her friends dealing with the harsh reality all by themselves.
And you dare call yourself reliable?
Applejack breathed deeply a few times, the fresh air helping her calm down and gather her thoughts back together. She saw that Twilight was about to plead once more and decided that it was enough. She wasn’t about to let her down any more.
“Okay Twi,” she said with a calm that seemed to destabilize the other mare. “You’re right. Ah’ll come.”
“You… Really?”
Twilight recoiled a bit with a surprised look before squinting her eyes at Applejack as if trying to find out if she was telling the truth.
“Yup,” Applejack answered with a nod before sighing. “Ah’m sorry ah got you worried. Ah don’t know what came to me, but ah won’t go anywhere. Ah promise.”
The unicorn eyed her with suspicion for a moment before relaxing her posture.
“Oh. In that case… Well, I’m glad that you’ve changed your mind. It will be easier, with you around. We really need to be together, all of us, to face it. I don’t think I could do it if you or one of the girls weren’t there."
“Don’t you worry no more, Sugarcube. Ah ain't leavin’.”
Applejack still felt terrible thinking of the upcoming events, but at least she was now calm enough to understand that running back would’ve been the most terrible mistake in her life. She touched the hem of her hat, repositioning it on her head and finding comfort in its presence and the familiar gesture.
“Okay. Let’s go then,” Twilight said before heading back inside the building.
She’d spoken with a carefully controlled tone and with her back turned to the earth pony but Applejack saw her swiftly wipe a hoof over her face and a pang of guilt stabbed her heart.
You’re an idiot, Applejack.
She straightened her resolve and watched the entry of the massive building, right in front of her muzzle. Applejack was determined not to fail her friends again – she really was. But when she lifted her hoof to take the first step inside, it was almost physically painful. She forced herself.
Oh did it hurt. But she was inside.
******
They met nurse Redheart in one of the long corridors. She saluted them, a sad and compassionate look gracing her face, and asked if they wanted her to accompany them.
What for? We’ve been here enough times to know where to go, Applejack thought bitterly before chiding herself.
Nurse Redheart was just trying to help.
They walked along closed doors, their clicking hooves the only sound to be heard. Visit time had since long passed and the long, clean, disinfectant-smelling corridors were all empty. They finally reached their destination and Applejack felt the now familiar knot in her stomach form once again. The two mares looked at each other briefly before Twilight pushed the door open.
The small room was plunged in semi-obscurity, and a medium sized bed occupied most of the space. The main source of light came from a small lamp that rested on a night stand, but the glow of the moon that descended in the room through the glass of the only window added some clarity.
Twilight entered first, followed shortly by Applejack who felt like her heart was beating stronger in her chest as she took a few steps forward. They immediately spotted another one of their friends who had made it here before them.
“Hello Fluttershy,” Twilight said while approaching the Pegasus that stood in a corner of the room.
“H-Hi girls. It’s good to see you,” Fluttershy replied softly.
“It’s good to see you, too.”
Twilight took a look over her own shoulder and in the direction of the bed then glanced apologetically at the pegasus.
“I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Of course.”
The unicorn slowly made her way next to the bed as Applejack joined Flutershy.
“So, how are you doin’, Fluttershy ?” the earth pony asked, trying desperately not to think about the fact that in a few minutes it would be her turn to go sit by the bed.
“Um…I’m fine, I mean, as much as possible.”
Applejack nodded her appreciation. She was actually impressed by the pegasus. Although she had calmed down significantly since entering the hospital, she still felt ready to crumble inside, and wasn’t sure her distress couldn’t be read on her face. Fluttershy, on the other hoof, appeared calm and composed, and she usually wasn’t the kind of pony to hide her emotions well.
“How long have you been waitin’ here?”
“Oh, not very long. I wanted to come a bit earlier because... well, I don’t really know why but… um…”
“It’s okay, Sugarcube,” Applejack assured her when she saw her friend getting uneasy. “You did well.”
Fluttershy gave her a small smile and they both tried to ignore the soft sniffle that came from the other side of the room. Applejack cleared her throat.
“And uh… How are your little friends doin’?”
“They’re fine, thank you. Angel was a bit grumpy today, but I guess I should have given him a bigger carrot to eat.”
“Fluttershy… Angel’s always grumpy.”
“Oh. R-Right. I guess he kind of is…”
They both chuckled. Light hoovesteps could be heard coming in their direction and a few seconds later Twilight was back with them, her carefully crafted neutral expression betrayed by the moistness in her eyes.
“Guess it’s mah turn,” Applejack said with as much calmness as she could muster.
The two other ponies didn’t comment and she slowly trotted to the bed she had tried hard not to stare at since she entered the room. She heard Fluttershy and Twilight talk and felt relieved at not being the center of attention. Each of her hooves weighed a ton, her throat was dry, and everything was mixing up in her head: the dream of last night, the pain and guilt about what they were about to do. There was also shame, confusion, and in some very remote part of herself, relief. Relief to know that in a little less than two hours it would be over.
No more visits to the hospital, no more questioning, no more being left in the doubt about what will happen.
All thoughts left her when she stopped next to the bed. Applejack took her hat off, trying to maintain enough control to speak a few words because she needed to say them, but it was so hard to get them out - it felt like they were scraping her throat. She opened her mouth to speak and closed her eyes, unable to look down at the lying form.
"Hello."
That’s how she’d always start.
She bit her lower lip, gathered her courage and looked down.
If it wasn't for the medical equipment around the bed, nopony - and certainly not Applejack- could've guessed that her friend was doing anything more than getting a good night’s of sleep. She was lying on her right side, head turned in Applejack's direction, like she was actually paying attention to her visitor. Her mane full of vibrant colors was an almost painful contrast with the bed’s white sheets and pillow. Applejack could see her chest rising and falling slowly and could hear the very soft sound of regular breathing. She tentatively raised a hoof to touch the pegasus’ foreleg. Her coat felt warm.
Applejack had to clear her throat to speak, slowly, gently.
"Didn't think ah'd come, did you? Thought ah'd chicken out or...or somethin'? To tell you the truth, ah thought ah wouldn’t be able to, for a moment."
Applejack knew that if her friend had been able to, she'd have teased her - gently - about it. The Great, Steady Applejack almost fleeing away from the honest reality.
"Ah almost made a mistake, but..."
She stopped talking and concentrated on breathing because she felt like no air was coming to her lungs anymore. She very slowly brought a hoof to her friend's head and carefully stroked her mane, vision becoming blurry.
"Ah won't leave."
Her chest constricted and her eyes started to burn.
"Ah…Ah’m here, Rainbow."
Her shoulders slumped. There was no turning back now. She wouldn't turn back.
"Ah’m here for you."
She let her head hang and wept.