I was lying down helplessly on the floor after I was whacked in the head by Fonz’s baseball bat, or at least that’s what I assuming I got hit by. I was having visions while I was out. I see Crèmepop and me sailing in the ocean on a yacht. She was offering me a hot fudge sundae and some iced tea in a glass with a little umbrella on it, because the glasses with the little umbrella on it are always the sign of paradise.
“I gotta say, Crèmey, life has been awesome possum these days.” I said.
“I know! Our new lives together really make life worth living!” Crème said.
“With you around, Crèmey; I don’t care if I have no friends. I don’t care if everypony keeps bullying me, and betraying me! As long as I have you with me, that’s all I ever want!” I said.
“Aww stop it, Flarey!” Crème said blushing.
“Hey, one thing’s for sure, I don’t even mind selling everything I own for this yacht, even my own business! All I want is to make you happy face!” I said.
”That’s all I ever want from you too, Flare.” Crème said as she snuggled on me. I stare at her pretty eyes, and her wavy white hair, and her pretty smile. She leans over, trying to give me a kiss. I lean over too, trying to kiss her too, and once I gave her a kiss…. I actually found out who I was really kissing.
“Hey, lover boy! You wanna see me bring home the bacon?” Swinebutt asked, giving me a seductive look, and then he started laughing evilly.
“GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” I screamed. I found out it was just a dream once I woke up. “Oh, thank Wizard of Feelings it was just a dream!”
“Hey, brah!” a voice said in front of me.
“What’s up, brah?” I asked. “Who’s talking?”
“I’m you, from the future!” future me said.
“Hey, didn’t the Doctor ever tell you not to screw up time?” I asked.
“Oh, don’t worry! The Doctor is long gone!” future me said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“He went back to the human world and made Jammie Lynn Spears one of his companions.” future me said.
“WHAT?! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” I screamed again. After that, I woke up again from another dream. “Whoa! Another dream? Oh Luna, I really hate it when there’s a dream inside a dream, and you keep waking up non-stop! That gets really old! Am I awake now?”
“Heffalumps and woozles….” A voice said in the background.
“LAWL what?” I said.
“Heffalumps and woozles!” the voice said again. “Steals honey…. Beware! Beware!”
“What is this?” I asked, as I landed on a ground with fog all around me.
Honey pots started appearing around me and started singing, “They’re black, they’re brown, they’re up, they’re down, they’re in, they’re out, they’re ALL ABOUT! They’re far they’re near, they’re gone, they’re here, they’re quick and slick insincere! Beware, beware, be a very wary bear!” These heffalumps and woozles were everywhere, messing with my mind, and pushing me around, and they continued singing; “A heffalump or woozle, is very, confusel; the heffalump or woosel is very sly – sly – sly – sly! They come in ones or twoosels, but if they so choosels; before your eyes you’ll see them multiply – ply – ply –ply! They’re extra ordinary, so very, be wary, because they come in every shape and size, size, size, size-“
”HANG ON A MINUTE!” I yelled.
“What’s wrong, boy?” a woozel asked.
“You got the wrong guy. This ain’t my nightmare!” I corrected them.
“It’s not?” a heffalump asked.
“No! I’m not scared at all! I find this to be very funny!” I said.
“Oh…. well, then. Sorry about the confusion.” the woozel said.
“You mean: confusool?” I teased.
“Don’t tease our song, just be gone already!” the woozel said, feeling offended. Right after, I feel like my head is killing me! I opened my eyes and I see nothing but a blur. I can tell now I was actually awake.
“Ugh! Wha-what?” I said, trying to get up. Fonz then kicked me in the face. “OW!” I yelled.
“WAKE UP!” Fonz ordered me.
“Hey, hey! That’s being a little harsh, don’t you think, Fonz?” Ray asked.
“Well, aren’t you a softie?” Fonz asked.
“Look, the boss has his prize now. He doesn’t want them in pain…. yet.” Ray said.
“Grrr! Fine!” Fonz said with an attitude. He then looked at me and said to my face, “Just you wait until the boss gives them signal, you shrimp!”
“Ugh! I feel dizzy!” I said.
“Sorry about Fonz, man. You know how he is about the ponies he hates.” Ray said.
“I can imagine…” I said, rubbing my head, still half-asleep.
“Flare? Flare are you ok?” Blaze asked, running towards me.
“Ah, partner! Look at you. You look terrible.” Engie said.
“I feel terrible.” I said.
“Well you should’ve seen them before. Each of them came inside and ripped off pieces of our hair!” Psyche said.
“W-wha… why?” I asked.
“We don’t know why, but I somehow think that those ponies we saw back in Ponyville before that were after out hair or blood were actually them in disguise.” Aqua said.
“Well I guess that explains why Thundy’s hair fell off when one of them gave us the ice cream.” Crystal said. I just continued laying there as they all talked on top of me. I could hardly see; I was in pain, and feeling pretty dizzy. Also, whatever is going on right now is under a first-person view.
“How can ice cream make a pony’s hair fall off?” Engie asked.
“There was dynamite inside the ice cream.” Crystal said.
“Huh? How can ya not notice that, Crystal?” Aqua asked.
“It wasn’t me! It was Thundy!” Crystal said.
“Regardless, you should’ve heard the fuse inside.” Psyche advised her.
“Yeah, for real. How can ya not hear the fuse?” Aqua asked.
“I had the feeling that noise was actually the ice cream’s truck’s tire going flat.” Crystal said.
“Well that’s just the stupidest thing ah ever heard!” Engie said.
“Guys, I think we should take Flare and put him on the bench here.” Blaze suggested.
“Yeah, good idea.” Engie said as they all picked me up, and laid me down on the bench.
“Wh-where are we?” I asked.
“We’re in a dungeon of some sort. Just don’t try to talk Flare. Just relax.” Aqua advised me.
“Wow, Flare, you certainly look terrible!” Engie said.
“Leave him alone, Engie.” Aqua instructed him.
“Yeah, leave him alone, Engie!” Crystal repeated.
“Don’t start that, Crystal. You kept on saying on bad Flare looked when he was still out.” Aqua reminded her.
“You just mentioned it now, Aqua!” Crystal said.
“That’s not the- nevermind, I don’t want to argue with ya, Crystal.” Aqua said as he shook his head.
“Wh… what’s Swinebutt up to?” I asked.
“We don’t know yet. We haven’t seen him yet.” Blaze said.
“Were you able to find Crèmepop?” Psyche asked.
“Y-you mean you guys haven’t seen her?” I asked.
“Not at all. Did you?” Psyche asked.
“How could he if he asked you if you seen her?” Engie asked Psyche.
“No, I did see her. I found her, b-but…. She said…. it was a trap, and then I woke up here.” I said.
“Looks like Swinebutt fooled us all.” Engie said.
“Celestia, how could we be so foolish?” Aqua asked.
”If only we were able to reach an alarm sooner, then our reinforcements would be and we’d get out of here!” Blaze said.
“Wouldn’t they come in and rescue us if we take so long?” Engie asked.
“I doubt it. Herb said only an alarm will trigger them. For now, they’re just on stand-by.” Blaze said.
“H-how long have I been out?” I asked.
“A few weeks.” Crystal said.
“Knock that off, Crystal.” Aqua said to her. “Ya have only been out just 40 minutes after ya were dragged in here.”
“Seriously though, Flare. You look awful!” Crystal said.
“Alright that’s it! Give me a mirror.” I demanded.
“I really don’t think that’s a good idea, Flare.” Aqua suggested.
“Just give me a mirror!” I ordered them.
“Alright, fine. Somepony give him a mirror.” Blaze instructed somepony.
“Here, ya can use the puddle down there as a mirror.” Aqua suggested. I leaned over to face down at the puddle underneath me, and I see what my face looks like.
“That’s it? A bloody nose and a black eye? I’ve had much much worse in the past!” I complained as I got up from my seat, oh and everything is third-person view again.
“No Flare, you should sit down.” Blaze suggested.
“No, Blaze, I’m fine. I just need to stand up for a sec and think of a way out of this.” I said. I went over to the door and pulled on it, hoping it would open.
“You know, Flare; if the door was unlocked, we would’ve been out of here by now.” Psyche said.
“Then I’ll use my magic!” I said.
“Good luck, you have an anti-magic ring on your horn.” Psyche said.
“Well then, Psyche; looks like we’re cell buddies again!” I said excitedly.
“Woo hoo.” Psyche said sarcastically.
“Is there anypony out there I can talk to?” I asked.
“Just Penny Nickels. He was assigned to guard the door.” Engie said.
So I knocked on the door to get Nickels’ attention. Knock, knock, knock; “Penny?” Knock, knock, knock; “Penny?” Knock, knock, knock; “Penny?”
“What can I do for you, prisoner?” Nickels asked.
“What is going on here?” I asked.
“You’ll find out soon enough, my friend. You’ll find out soon enough.” Nickels said.
“Nickels? Please bring the prisoners to the lab.” Swinebutt said on his radio.
“On our way, boss.” Nickels responded on the radio. “Alright prisoners, let’s go!” Nickels opened the door, accompanied by some swinebots, and they hoof cuff us, and they led us over to the lab. On the way to the lab, I kept seeing Swinebutt’s logo all over the walls (the black circle with the red S), and on the words below it read ‘Swinebutt Industries’.
“Swinebutt Industries?” Aqua asked.
“It’s Dr. Swinebutt’s company name. This is his Mareami headquarters.” Officer Nickels said. He a couple more; his main HQ is at.”
“Silence, Nickels.” A swinebot ordered him.
“Oh… right, my apologies.” Officer Nickels said.
“If Swinebutt Industries is an actual company, what does he sell?” Psyche asked.
“He sells advanced electronic devices and drugs. Some of which are illegal.” Officer Nickels said.
“Quiet, Nickels!” a swinebot ordered him.
“Oh… did I say that?” Nickels asked.
“You were always a foolish one, Officer Nickels.” Psyche said mischievously.
“Laugh all you want, Psyche, because I have you right where I want you.” Officer Nickels said. “Dr. Swinebutt has been a very good boss.”
“He’s going to betray you one day like he did to Flare and Boorlie Pomodoro.” Blaze informed him.
“No he won’t because I have a lot of connections.” Officer Nickels corrected him. “Boorlie Pomodoro was small time. I don’t even trust him. I could tell by the look of his eyes that he was a crook.”
“Like you?” Psyche teased.
“Once Dr. Swinebutt is done with you, Psyche, he told me I could have you. Oh the things I would do to you, Psyche.” Officer Nickels said to him mischievously.
“Ok I’m actually more disturbed than scared right now.” Psyche said.
After the conversation, we headed over to the lab where Swinebutt and Steelhoof were setting things up in there. “Ah, Crimson! It’s so good for you to join us!” Swinebutt said and snorted.
“Hey, I don’t care what you do to me, just LET CRÈME GO!” I demanded.
“But why? The two of us were having a little fun!” Swinebutt said.
“What are you doing to her, you porkchop?!” I asked angrily.
“Porkchop?! Wow, you’re really being offensive today, aren’t you?” Swinebutt asked.
“This battle is between you and me; I don’t want Crème to be a part of this! She’s very special to me!” I said.
“And that’s why I have her, and later this evening, it will be time for tickling!” Swinebutt said.
“TICKLING?! You promised you wouldn’t if we came to rescue her!” I complained.
“Yeah, but you DIDN’T rescue her, did you?” Swinebutt asked mischievously. I just stood there, not saying anything.
“Dot, dot, dot.” I said.
“You see, Crimson, you always fall for my tricks. You’re such a gullible little pony, you know that?” Swinebutt asked.
“HEY! I’m a gullible BIG pony! Don’t call me little!” I demanded.
“Acting like a spoiled child, that’s Flare Gun for you!” Swinebutt said.
“And my sister.” Aqua added. “Anyways, why do ya need us here, Swinebutt? Why did ya take off pieces of our hair? Why were ya after it?”
“Why to ruin your lives of course!” Swinebutt said. “It’s not just Flare anymore, because-“ Before he could finish, his maid Consuela walks into the room.
“I clean in here?” Consuela asked.
”Uhh, yeah sure, but I’m having a little evil meet right now, so keep it down.” Swinebutt instructed him her. Consuela started dusting off the shelves, as Swinebutt continued talking. “Because to get my goons to help me, I need to repay them, and I’m like-“
Before Swinebutt can finish, Consuela takes out a radio from her pocket, turns on a radio, and some Hispanic music comes on really loud while she’s cleaning, and Swinebutt gets annoyed by it. The song was probably called; ‘Muchos hornos’. I don’t speak Spanish so I dunno what it really mean. Swinebutt just facehooved, and he walked out of the room. He came back a few minutes later once Consuela was done in there.
“Alright, sorry about that.” Swinebutt said as he entered. “So where was I?”
“No worries. Aqua was asking about why we’re here, and why you took off pieces of their hair.” I said.
“Oh, right! Why, to ruin your lives of course! It’s not just Flare anymore because to get my goons to help me, I need to repay them, and I’m like ‘Why not’; Flare is more offended anyway when I mess with his friends.” Swinebutt explained.
“Yer a real charmer, aren’t ya?” Engie asked.
“Why thank you, Engineer!” Swinebutt said. “Now, my plan is to keep you all here while I put your decoys out to take over as your lives, and everypony will hate the Noble Six, and I can also use them to overthrow the princesses, and take over Equestria!”
“Oh now this is about taking over Equestia, huh? What about me, brah? What happened to ruining my life?” I asked.
“Silly Flare, it’s not JUST about you anymore! I’m off to bigger places now! I’ve been a laughing stock to all, and to end it, I must be the new ruler of Equestria, and I need your evil clones to help me out.” Swinebutt said.
“So you’re making evil clones of us?” Psyche asked.
“You got it!” Swinebutt said.
“COOL!” Crystal said excitedly.
“Your clones are in development right now. Although, I do have one clone that’s actually finished.” Swinebutt said. “Steelhoof, bring in the first clone!” Steelhoof nodded and he went over to the other room to get the first clone.
“Oh is it me? I hope it’s me! My clone’s gonna look pretty awesome if you ask me!” Crystal said excitedly.
“Sorry, Crystal Iceblast, but it’s not your clone.” Swinebutt said.
“Blaze’s clone?” Crystal asked.
“Blaze’s clone is actually going to take longer than any other. We need to make sure the dragon powers and phoenix powers are still inside. Cloning procedures take awhile, you see.” Swinebutt explained.
“Good to know you like putting in every detail.” Blaze said.
“Flare’s clone came along nicely though! He has all of Flare’s powers, and knows all his secrets!” Swinebutt said.
“Sooo, you made Psyche’s clone right?” Crystal asked.
“NO, Crystal! He made Flare’s clone!” Psyche corrected her.
“Now how do you know that?” Crystal asked.
“Uhh, he just said he made it.” Psyche said.
“BEHOLD! The new wevil clone!” Steelhoof said coming back in and announcing the arrival of my new evil clone. The clone starts walking inside. We were all wondering what he would look like. I hope he has a sense of humor like me. Once he stepped out of the shadows, he was wearing a black suit, he had red eyes, and he had a big red S on his eye. Wait a minute, why does he look so familiar? THAT’S RIGHT! He’s the Evil Emperor Zurg! No wait…. That’s not right.
“Sup brahs?” my evil clone said mischievously.
“HOLY WIZARD OF STRENGTH!” I yelled.
“Is that…. Is that….” Aqua stuttered.
“No, it can’t be! That looks a lot like you from that time you were brainwashed at Chaos Mountains, Flare!” Blaze said.
“It’s…. Darth Flare!” I said shockingly.
“Yes, Crimson, it is me! Darth Flare! Never thought you’d see me again, huh?” Darth Flare asked.
“HOW?! You were me! But…. Now you…. Have your own body…. And…. Stuff…. Lots and lots of stuff.” I said.
“Foolish pony! I’m not just an evil version of you! I’m a criminal mastermind, I’m disloyal, I’m like the complete opposite of you! And the best part: I DO NOT have a sense of humor.” Darth Flare said mischievously.
“NOOOOOOOOOO!” I yelled. “How can you not have a sense of humor? When I was you, or…. I don’t know how I’m supposed to say it. When I was Darth Flare, I used to tease the Mane Six when they were held in their cells, and I used to go ‘EVIL LAWL LAWL LAWL LAWL’!” I explained.
“You still use leet speak?” Darth Flare asked.
“Only every once in a while. It was starting to get annoying so I slowed down.” I said.
“Hmm, I see. Anyways, Flare Gun, I am here to take over your life! I know everything about you. Your security codes for your trailer, what’s inside your personal chest, and I even know your secret recipe in your shop.” Darth Flare said.
“DO NOT REVEAL MY SECRET RECIPE! PLEASE?!” I begged.
“Oh I will, Flare! I most certainly will; especially to Boorlie Pomodoro!” Darth Flare said.
“Not Boorlie!” I begged.
“Yes, Boorlie!” Darth Flare said mischievously.
”Actually yes, go reveal my secret recipe to everypony, even Boorlie! I want you to! You’d be making my business stronger that way!” I said with a smile.
“You can’t fool me, Flare. I know your tricks. I know you’re trying to just say you’re happy about it just to get me to stop doing it, so you would suffer. I’m not an idiot, unlike you.” Darth Flare said.
“Hey, if I’m an idiot, you should be too. I’m…. technically you!” I said.
“SHUT YOUR MOUTH, MORON!” Darth Flare yelled and slapped me in the face.
“OW!” I yelled.
”OW!” Darth Flare yelled. “Why did that hurt?” Darth then punched me under the chin, and it hurt me as well as him. He flicks me in the nose, I go ‘Ooo!’ and so does he. He flicks my nose again, and we both go ‘Ooo!’ He just looked at me for a few seconds, squinted at me, and then flicks my nose again, and we both go ‘Ooo!’ “Well then, it looks like you screwed up again, Swinebutt.”
“What do you mean?” Swinebutt asked and snorted.
“You made it so if he gets hurt, I feel the same pain. Now I can’t lay a hoof on him.” Darth Flare said.
“It’s just a little biological error. I’m sure I can fix it up before I make the other clones.” Swinebutt said.
“Yeah, well, you hurry it up, porkchop! I need all the assistance I can get if I were to help you take over.” Darth Flare said.
“PORKCHOP?! I am your superior and your creator, don’t EVER INSULT ME!” Swinebutt ordered.
“Ppppfff! Whatever! I’ll be making some pizzas.” Darth Flare said.
“Wait, you’re making pizzas?” I asked.
“I know your recipe and I am hungry. I know I’m evil and I want to make you miseriable and take over your life, but nopony can deny your pizzas are the BOMB!” Darth Flare said.
”BOOM!” I said.
“Do that again, and I’ll punch myself in the stomach, and in case you’re too stupid to notice, it’ll hurt you too.” Darth Flare threatened me.
“I know what’s going on, I ain’t deef!” I corrected him.
“It’s ‘deaf’, you twit.” Darth Flare said as he rolled his eyes and walked out.
“My Luna! That pony is worse than Duke Nukem on adrenaline!” Crystal said.
A cutaway shows Duke Nukem running around really fast, punching the aliens real fast like those robots from the Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em game. After Duke fights the aliens, their heads pop off, but when Duke fought the flash because they were going equally fast, BOTH of their heads pop off. The cutaway ends.
Meanwhile outside the park, Herb, Water, and the Friendship Mob were waiting outside for a signal. They seemed to be getting bored. “Hey did you know life in the 1930s, everything was in black and white? It wasn’t just movie footage; it’s what it actually looked like back then.” Annabelle said.
“That would explain Wizard of Oz, man.” Angel said. “After seeing the new Oz movie, man, it turns out that Kansas really is in black and white too. Trust me, I’ve been there. Or at least the Equestrian version of it, man.”
“UGH!” Water groaned. “What is Flare taking so long?! We should go in there right now!”
“No, Water, he didn’t give us the signal yet.” Herb reminded herm “We have to stand-by. We don’t want to ruin the tourists’ day. They paid a lot of money to be here. I’d feel bad for them emptying their bank accounts just to have their days ruined.”
“But Flare hasn’t responded in hours! Neither did Aqua!” Water said.
“Or the rest of the Noble Six for that matter.” Annabelle added.
“Who?” Water asked.
“C’mon, man, this girl has a point, man, we should go in there, clear these streets, and rescue them. They’re obviously in trouble right now, man.” Angel said.
“Trouble or not, we have to stick to the plan.” Herb said.
“And what if Flare’s DEAD down there?” Water asked.
“Swinebutt isn’t that harsh.” Herb informed her.
“No, but… that flankhole Fonz Punkskull is down there! I know what he’s capable of!” Water said. “Flare also told me about Officer Nickels, Dr. Steelhoof, Ray Promanade, and… well… I saw enough internet memes to know what Blue Spy is all about.”
“But for all we know, everything could be according to plan.” Herb said. “Think of the glass half full, Water, that’s what my mom taught me. We have to have faith in Flare and his friends.”
“Heh! Glass half full, Water. You made a funny, Herb!” Water chuckled.
“Oh…” Herb chuckled along. “So I did!”
“But still… shouldn’t we be better safe than sorry?” Water asked.
“You told me what Flare and his friends are capable of. They’ll think of a way to get out of whatever situation they’re in. I just… I don’t want the Friendship Mafia to have a bad name for ruining these tourists’ day.” Herb said. “The Friendship Mob name means a great deal in this town, and I can’t see that being taken away from us. Don’t worry, Water. I’m sure they’re fine. We just have to wait.”
“Well… can I have another Ricky Rat ice cream then?” Water asked.
“Didn’t you have two already?” Herb asked.
“This is the only place on Earth other than the Magicland theme park in Los Pegasus that sells that stuff!” Water informed him. “Besides, I’m hungry when I’m stressed out.”
Meanwhile back at Swinebutt’s HQ, Nickels takes us all back inside the dungeon. “Get in there you! You’re gonna make well servants for us, either that, or we dispose of you. Swinebutt’s choice!” Nickels said as he laughed mischievously. “But Swinebutt says if you want to do anything that might prove him useful, or might amuse him, he’ll take any suggestions!”
“Grrrr! Swinebutt has gone too far this time!” Blaze yelled.
“He already crossed the line ever since he came into our lives.” Psyche said.
“We can’t go on like this. We have to get outta here.” Aqua said.
“There is no known way out. We’re lost in these underground corridors!” Engie said. “Our only option is try to get to the alarm and call for the mafia to help us!”
“We can’t though. They cuff our hooves every time we walk through the halls. I dunno what to do.” Aqua said.
“Man, we screwed up bad!” Crystal said.
“No….. I screwed up bad.” I said sadly, sitting down in the corner, facing the wall.
“Flare, what are you doin’ over there?” Engie asked.
“I put myself in time out.” I said.
“To be honest with you, Flare, this whole dungeon is one big time out.” Psyche said.
“Flare, what’s wrong?” Crystal asked.
“It’s my fault. It’s my fault Swinebutt came into our lives.” I said.
“No it’s not.” Blaze said.
“YES, BLAZE! IT IS!” I yelled as I stood up and turned towards him. “I angered him, and he followed me to Ponyville, and now that I befriended you all, YOU’RE ALL AT RISK! All because of me! If I didn’t move to Ponyville in the first place, you would’ve all been fine.”
“Flare, it’s no big deal. Ya had no idea he was followin’ ya.” Aqua said.
“I know, but still! Just for my own happiness, I put your lives at risk; I put Crèmepop’s life at risk, and I think I’ve endangered the WHOLE KINGDOM’S lives at risk!” I yelled.
“Flare, listen-“ Blaze started.
“NO! YOU LISTEN! Everything I do is wrong! Wherever I go the pain just follows me around! I can’t get away from it! Swinebutt will not stop until I make my downfall, and now he wants to take over the kingdom too! I made him angry and I deserve to be hated on.” I said as tears fell out of my eyes, and I sat back down in the corner.
“Flare….” Blaze said, trying to put his hoof on my shoulder, but I push it away.
”NO! Just leave me be! I want to be alone right now.” I said. The Noble Six just stands there, not saying anything. They all feel bad because they think it wasn’t my fault, but it is. Dr. Swinebutt is interfering with their lives all because I befriended them, and Crèmepop….. what I done to her was far worse than anything I could ever imagine. I failed to rescue her, I failed as a friend, and I never knew how she truly felt until I lost it.
Hours went by, Engie had his guitar with him and he sang himself a little song; “Headin’ up to San Celetgo, for the labor day week-end show. Ah’ve got mah hush-puppies on, ah guess ah never was meant for glitter rock and roll…. And honey ah didn’t know….. that’d ah be missin ya soooo! Come Monday, it’ll be alright; come Monday, ah’ll be holdin ya tight, ah spend four lonely days in a brown L.P. haze, and ah – just want ya back by mah siiiiiide.”
“That was really good, Engie.” Psyche nodded.
“Yeah, even though prisons usually have harmonicas, not guitars.” Aqua said.
“You want me to hum like I’m using a harmonica?” Crystal asked.
“Sure.” Aqua said. Crystal started humming Kumbaya My Lord while pretending to use a harmonica. Just then, something hit me. After Engie played that Jimmy Buffet song, it hit me! Why does Jimmy Buffet’s last name sound different than restaurant buffet’s? Should we call Jimmy Buffet, Jimmy Buff-ay, or do we call restaurant buff-ays, buffets? Like saying it how it’s spelled? Just then, something else hit me!
“Ow!” I yelled as Crystal threw a rock at me.
“Sorry!” Crystal said as she chuckled.
“That joke’s been old for a while.” Engie said.
“BRAHS, and sista… I KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW!” I yelled in excitement.
“What do ya mean?” Aqua asked.
“I KNOW HOW WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE!” I cried.
“Alright, but not too loud. Nickels is out there.” Psyche whispered.
I ran up to the door, and started knocking on it. Knock, knock, knock; “Penny?” Knock, knock, knock; “Penny?” Knock, knock, knock; “Penny?”
“Quit doing that! That’s really starting to get annoying!” Nickels complained.
“I want to give Swinebutt some amusement! I wanna make him a music video!” I said.
”A music video, huh?” Nickels thought.
“Yes! Do you have any supplies lying around they we can use?” I asked.
”I’ll ask the boss if it’s ok to lockdown the perimeter and you can freely look around for anything you might want to use.” Nickels said.
“AWESOME! Go ahead and tell him!” I said. Nickels nodded and he went back to Swinebutt to tell him the news.
“What was that about?” Blaze asked.
“I know how we can get out of here!” I said.
“Good idea, Flare. When we can freely look around for items we use, we can find a way out.” Aqua understood.
”Well, yes and no. The thing is we’re not getting out that way.” I said.
“So… how we getting’ out?” Aqua asked.
“We’re not, but I heard the theme park alarm is in a security room up ahead. That room will be locked down as well as our escape. They’ll only leave storage rooms unlocked for us. We’ll look around and find items for the video, AT THE SAME TIME, find items that we can use to escape!” I said.
“So what’s going on with the video?” Blaze asked.
“We’re going to actually make the video, and when we finally show the video, that’ll distract the guards, and once we find the items that we can use to escape, one of them will be the key to unlock our hoofcuffs and we can sneak to the security station and activate the alarm. Then the mafia will come in and rescue us!” I explained.
“Wow, Flare…. I never knew you could think of a plan like that.” Aqua said shockingly.
”Yeah, that’s probably either the smartest or the stupidest plan I ever heard in my entire life.” Psyche said.
“Not sure if offended or touched.” I said, while taking out a small box out of my pocket.
“What is that?” Blaze asked.
“Inside this box are two things; things I call Thing 1 and Thing 2.” I said.
“Seriously, what’s in that box, man?” Blaze asked.
“Right before Pinkie broke up with me, she gave me this box. Inside has musical instruments that we can use to make the video.” I explained.
”But most of us don’t know how to play instruments.” Aqua said.
“Yeah, only Engie knows how to play the guitar.” Psyche said. “Also you know how to play the accordion.”
“But Pinkie says the power of polka is inside us! As long as we can feel the music, we can play it!” I said.
“Wow, I must’ve hit him on the head with that rock harder than I thought.” Crystal said.
“I’M SERIOUS, brahs! I trust Pinkie completely! I know these instruments will save our lives! I know it sounds crazy, but has Pinkie let us down before?” I asked.
”Flare’s right, guys.” Psyche said and nodded.
“Pinkie let me down before.” Crystal said.
“Now then! Let’s make ourselves a polka video!” I said excitedly. So an instrumental version of Push It To The Limit by Scarface plays in the background as we all walk around the corridors looking for items that’ll be useful for the video, but at the same time, getting stuff to help us escape. Like, if we’re getting ourselves some wire, we also find rope and a hook so we can make a grappling hook. We also spend a lot of time making the video. Engie was in charge of the special affects. We borrowed a laptop computer and as Engie was making the digital effects, he was also researching and hacking the HQ’s database so we can look for the security station and find a way to escape safely, as well as locate Crèmepop and bring her to safety. Many hours went by, and it was nearly dusk. Swinebutt, his goons, and the swinebots were all gathered in the projector room to watch the video.
“Wow I can’t wait to watch this video!” Ray said excitedly.
“I certainly hope this music video is better than what MTV shows to us these days.” Blue Spy said.
“Hmph.” Darth Flare said to himself.
“Now, now, Darth. Your time will come to rise soon. Just keep yourself entertained while we watch their new music video!” Swinebutt said excited as he places his pinky near his mouth.
“This is pointless! I’m out.” Darth Flare complained as he walked out of the room.
“Well, suit yourself then!” Swinebutt said.
“Sup brahs? My name is Flare Gun, and I would like to show you the première of our new music video! I hope you like it!” I said. I then jumped off of stage and met up with my friends in the back as the lights get dimmed. The projector screen turns on, and the video starts, starting with counting down the time left until the movie starts.
“Alright! Let’s do this!” Engie whispered holding the hoof-cuff key, and removing our hoof-cuffs from place so we’re free.
“Alright so once Aqua’s second scene comes on, we sneak out.” I whispered.
“Aww, but I wanted to see the whole thing!” Crystal complained.
“No time.” I whispered.
“I don’t want to see my first scene though. Pretty pathetic.” Blaze whispered.
“Just follow my lead.” I whispered. The count down ended, and the video started. The polka song we were singing was Polka Face in the video, and whatever goes on this music video is similar to the actual Polka Face music video. It starts off with me, Crystal, Engie, and Blaze on the alps playing our musical instruments. The three of them were dressed like yetis while I was dressed in a Scottish mountain-climbing outfit. I was playing the accordion, Engie was playing the tuba, Crystal was playing the drums, and Blaze was playing the clarinet. After our little Liechtensteiner Polka musical number, we start singing.
“Muh muh muh muh!” Aqua and Psyche sang as they were also wearing Scottish mountain outfits. Two clarinets appear on the screen, and the third clarinet was actually backwards. “Muh, muh, muh, muh!” they sang again.
“Oh, whoa, oh oh!” I sang as I wore an accordion outfit. I started moving my accordion outfit body up and down and side to side. “Can’t read my, can’t read my, no he can’t read-a my polka face…”
“She’s got to love nopony.” Blaze and Crystal sang as they were too wearing the Scottish outfits.
“Can’t read my, can’t read my, no he can’t read-a my polka face…” I sang as I was now wearing a beer barrel outfit with a pint glass helmet on top of it. I then take the pint glass take the cider off my head and poor it inside my barrel body.
“She’s got to love nopony.” My friends sang as I take remove the pint glass with my head inside it and then I pour my liquidized face inside my barrel body. Digital effects at its finest!
“P-p-p-polka face, p-p-polka face!” I sang as I stuck my head out of a zipper in trousers that is on a big green Peter Pen-like hat.
“Muh muh muh muh!” my friends sang.
“P-p-p-polka face, p-p-polka face!” I sang as I stuck my head out of the horn of a saxophone as legs were hanging from the blowhole.
“HEY!” my friends all shouted.
Crystal was now wearing a giant robot suit, running around neighborhoods and city streets, rawring at the camera, and pointing at random objects in the street that she finds offensive, like a traffic light, and a fire hydrant. She then started to sing, "Fillyizer, filly-fillyizer, you’re a fillyizer; oh, filliyzer, oh, you’re a fillyizer, baby! You, you, you are; you, you, you are; fillyizer, fillyizer, fillyizer…” she then sang in a deep voice, “…. Fillyizer.”
Crystal starts riding around on the front of a sports car and smashes a few cars in a couple of scenes, throwing them as she sang, “Boy don’t try to front- (uh unt) I know just as what you are (are, are)! Boy don’t try to front (uh unt)! I know just as what you are (are, are)!” Crystal starts chasing Blaze down a dark alley and tries to put on lip-stick until her face short-circuits. ”You say I’m crazy! I got your crazy! You’re nothing but a FILL-E-IZER!”
The next scene shows Engie staring at me as I wore a dress and posing for him, and he starts spinning his head around, seriously spinning it, and then his head falls off and lands on the ground. As he did that he sang, “You spin mah head right round, right round, when you go down, when ya go down down!” Engie’s head starts spinning around again, and his head gets flushed down the toilet by me still wearing a dress as he continued to sing, “You spin mah head right round, right round, when ya go down, WHEN YA GO DOWN- HEY!”
The next scene shows Psyche just sitting down on a sidewalk tilting his head from side to side while wearing a hobo outfit and listening to music. “Day and night…” Psyche sang. “The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night. He’s all alone through the day night.” Psyche’s face starts to turn into a tricked out smiley and rainbows started flashing in the background.
“Day and night!” the Noble Six sang.
“The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night.. at, at, at night!” Psyche sang.
Aqua’s scene shows him drinking out of a water bottle, wearing a dress, while shaking around and bowling, and then cries after he says ‘I need you now’. He sang, “It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone, and I need you nooooow!” He then dances, trips on the bowling ball, and trips down the stairs, bounces on a trampoline, and holds a teddy bear as he cries again. “Said I wouldn’t call, but I lost all control and ah need you nooooow!” Aqua starts crying harder, and the room starts flooding, and the stuffed animals hold out umbrellas. “And I don’t know I can do without-“ Aqua then sang as the bowling ball’s third hole moves like a mouth, “I just need you now!”
“And I was like-“ Blaze sang as the scene changes to Blaze’s head moving his head from side to side. “Baby, baby, baby-“ Trumpet plays. Blaze then looks down and sees himself in a high-chair, wearing a diaper. “Baby, baby, baby-“ Engie and I show up beside him. “Baby, baby, baby-“ I held out a spoon with baby food on it, and Blaze shakes his head really fast, begging for no food, and then I stuff the spoon in his mouth, and then he looks at the camera in confusion. “I thought you’d always be mine!”
Next scene shows Crystal was wearing sunglasses while she starts tapping on the symbol on her drums in a jazz-like style, and then she bangs on one of the drums twice. After that, a couple of searchlights swing by until they aim on Aqua, who was carrying a banjo around him. “So, so what? I’m still a rock star. I got my rock moves, and I don’t need ya, and guess what? I’m havin’ more fun-“ Aqua then bangs the banjo on the ground, breaking it, but if you hear in the background instrumental, the banjo was still playing in this part. “-And now that we’re done, I wanna show you tonight-“ Trumpet plays, “… I’m alright…” Clarinet plays, “I’m just fine; and ya a tooooool.” A giant hammer then pops up in the middle of the camera as he says ‘toooool’ and then it disappears when he finishes saying that word. “So, so what? I am a rock star-“ Aqua starts dancing. “I got my rock moves; and I don’t want ya tonight.” Jazzy trumpet plays in the background as Aqua crosses his legs real bad; it really hurts him, and he fakes a smile as he does so.
The next scene contains us snapping our hooves, but it didn’t show us doing that, it was just a sound. Crystal just stands there in the center of attention, kissing us dressed as mares, but only on the cheek! “I kissed a mare and I liked it…” She first kisses me dressed as a mare. “The taste of her cherry chapstick. I kissed a mare just try it…” She then kisses Aqua dressed as a mare, as a picture of Black Thunder appeared on the screen as she scene the next part of the song, “Hope my coltfriend don’t mind it! It felt so wrong, it felt so right-“ She then kisses Blaze dressed as a mare, but he makes a frightened face while looking at a picture of Rainbow Dash. “-Don’t mean I’m in love tonight. I kissed a mare, and I liked it…” She then kisses Psyche, who was NOT dressed like a mare, and he wears a t-shirt saying ‘I’m a stallion’. Crystal starts to freak out. “I LIKED IT!” Crystal sang as Psyche’s mouth moved, and then Psyche gets punched by a mechanical boxing glove.
The next scene shows Psyche starts walking through a park, carrying a briefcase on his wing and walking a penguin with wheel-feet on a leash. He sang, “And I’d like to make myself belieeeeeve… that planet Earrrrrrth tuuuuurrrrns sloooooowly. It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep….” Psyche and the penguin jumps into a bed which turns into a giant briefcase and a giant penguin picks it up, while walking Psyche on a leash. “Cause everything is never as it seeeeeems!”
Engie’s next scene shows Engie pouring cider for Aqua and I as we gulped down the shots and passed out on the floor. “Blame it on the goose,” Psyche honks a clown horn, “gotcha feelin’ loose!” Psyche slide-whistles in the background. “Blame it on the foam,” Psyche quacks a rubber ducky in the background, “gotcha in the zone!” Psyche hiccups in the background. “Blame it on the ci-ci-ci-ci-ci-ci-ci-hi-der! Blame it on the ci-ci-ci-ci-ci-ci-hi-der! Blame it on the apple-
“HEY!” the Noble Six yelled as Engie was dancing on the bar counter, pouring the whole bottle of cider down our throats.
“Blame it on the peary.” Engie sang.
“HEY!” the Noble Six yelled.
“Blame it on the grape.” Engie sang.
“HEY!” the Noble Six yelled.
“Gotcha lookin scary!” Engie sang.
HEY!” the Noble Six yelled.
“Blame it on the ci-ci-ci-ci-ci-ci-hi-der!” Engie sang. “Blame it on the ci-ci-ci-ci-ci-ci-hi-der!”
Blaze starts dancing around on the dancefloor wearing a Rainbow Dash wig on. “Dashie’s like a melody in my head that I can’t keep out got me singing like! Na na na na everyday! It’s like my iPod stuck on replay!” Every time he says ‘replay’, Blaze rips his hair out. “Stuck on replay! Stuck on replay! Replay! Replay-ay-ay-ay!”
Next scene shows Psyche wearing a chicken outfit starts spinning around Aqua in a pig outfit. They both sang, “Baby are you down down down down down?” Aqua smashes Psyche on the ground with his tail multiple times, and then Psyche spins his tail around like a propeller and they start flying. “Baby are you down?” They both start falling.
Next scene shows Engie reaching inside Crystal’s chest and takes out a fake-paper heart and throws it on the ground, and when Engie sang ‘break, break’ Crystal sang that part along. “Ah’m only gonna break break yer break break yer heart.” Engie then starts smashing the heart with a baseball bat. “Ah’m only gonna break break yer breah break yer heart.” Engie then uses a jackhammer on the heart. “Ah’m only gonna break break yer break break yer heart.” Engie then puts dynamite on the heart and he holds his ears, and Crystal runs away. “Ah’m only gonna breaaaaaak yeeeeer heaaaaaart!” KA BOOMIE!
The video goes back to me, Crystal, Blaze, and Engie on the alps playing an instrumental polka number, something we like to call The Tick Tock Polka. The instrumental also had slide-whistles and dentist drills playing in the background, which was actually Psyche’s department, as well as fun party laughter. I jump up on Engie’s mountain and nod at him as he plays the tuba; I jump on Blaze’s mountain to check out his clarinet playing; I jump on Crystal’s mountain to check on her drum playing; and then I jump back at my own mountain, nodding at the audience with a smile.
“Don’t stop!” Blaze sang.
“Making pop! DJ blow my speakers up-“ I sang. Blaze uses TNT to blow up the speakers and they explode.
“Tonight!” Blaze sang.
“Imma fight – till we see the sunlight!” I sang as I punch the moon with boxing gloves and then I block my eyes when the sun comes out.
“Tick-tock!” Blaze sang as the scene changes to my face that appears inside a clock face and little statue figurines of the Noble Six dance along side clock me.
“On the clock,” I sang, “but the polka don’t stop!”
“NO!” the Noble Six cried.
I start yodeling on top of a mountain, “Yodel-yodel-lady-hoo! Yodel-yodel-lady-hoo!”
Next scene shows me wearing make-up with an accordion hairdo. “P-p-p-polka face, p-p-polka face!” I sang.
“Muh muh muh muh!” the Noble Six sang. My accordion face starts playing.
“P-p-p-polka face, p-p-polka face!” I sang.
The next parts shows he Noble Six all show up in top hats and canes on a stage as we sing our closing of the song, “Oh no you caaaaaaaaan’t reeeeeeeeeead myyyyyyy…” The Noble Six start dancing as sparklers go off on the stage. “P-P-POLKA FACE! TALK ABOUT MY POLKA FACE! P-P-P-POLKA FACE!” Shave and a haircut, 2 bits. “HEY!”
The Whatever’s Left Over Polka melody starts playing to conclude the song as the video flicks 10x fast on random scenes from the video. Then I end the song wearing a one-stallion band outfit, and then a huge tap on the symbol on my head which ends the song.
Everypony in the projector room cheered as the video ended, including Swinebutt. “HA! That was amazing! Flare Gun, I must give you credit, this video made my day! Congratulations, man!” Swinebutt said with a big smile on face and a few snorts. I didn’t respond though. “Flare?” I still didn’t respond. “WHERE ARE THE PRISONERS?!” he yelled. “FIND THEM! FIND THEM NOW!”
Me, Engie, Crystal, Blaze, Psyche, and Aqua were running down the corridors of the HQ. The turret guns activated before we were able to get to the security room. I activated my bubble shield spell to protect us from the guns. “Wow, mate. Haven’t seen ya use bubble shield in a while.” Aqua said.
“I’ve been practicing it. I can now walk and use bubble shield at the same time.” I said.
“Nice! If only the same was said about armor lock!” Blaze said. We went inside the security room and I deactivated my bubble shield. Engie walked over to the security station and Psyche locked the door.
“Alright where’s the alarm?” I asked.
“The whole system is on lockdown. Ah need a password to override it.” Engie said.
“Well hack it then!” Psyche yelled.
“Ah can’t! Ah left the laptop in the projector room so the guards would watch the video!” Engie informed him.
“Well you better hurry and get it over with! I think I hear guards outside!” Psyche said.
“Move that shelf on the door. It’ll be harder for them to get in.” Aqua suggested.
”Good idea, Aqua.” Psyche said as him and Blaze pushed the shelf against the door.
“Hurry it up, Engie! They’re coming this way!” Blaze said.
“Ah can’t! Ah don’t know the password to override it!” Engie yelled.
”MOVE OVER!” I yelled, pushing Engie aside. “Crimson… Death.” I typed in the password and it got accepted.
”How did ya know that was the password?” Engie asked.
“I know he likes to say my first name, and he wants me dead, probably. Turn on the alarm, brah!” I instructed him. So Engie pressed the button that turned on the alarm, and the whole HQ, including the Magic World theme park was on high-alert. All the visitors were getting scared and started running all over the place.
“That’s the alarm!” Water yelled. “I KNEW Flare was in trouble!”
“That’s our cue!” Herb said from outside the gates. “EVERYPONY MOVE IN!” The Friendship Mafia starts moving into the theme park destroying all of the swinebots on the way.
“I’m coming for you, bro! I hear your cry! Let’s go get him, Herb!” Water yelled.
“Follow me!” Herb instructed her.
“Time to clear these streets, man! Clean the streets!” Angel Heartstrings yelled.
Back underground after we activated the alarm, Engie yelled, “There, we did it! Let’s get outta here!”
“OPEN UP! We have you surrounded!” Ray yelled from outside.
“Go back to Hoofture, Ray! It’s safer there!” Aqua taunted at him.
“Whoa, Aqua! Since when were you quite the taunted?” Crystal asked.
“That was a taunt? Oh. I’m sorry, Ray!” Aqua called out.
“Get out of there, and come along quietly!” Fonz yelled.
“We have to get out of here!” Blaze said.
“Over here! I see an air vent!” Psyche said.
“Obviously, that’s the way we escape.” Crystal complained. “Seriously, you call that original?”
“C’mon!” Psyche said as he opened the vent and crawled in first, followed by Blaze, Crystal, me, Aqua, and Engie. Engie placed the vent back in place just as Ray and Fonz kicked the door open.
“Where’d they go?!” Fonz yelled.
“They must be invisible! Maybe Spy was one in here.” Ray assumed.
”AH SHUT UP!” Fonz yelled slapping Ray in the back of the head.
Meanwhile, in the laboratory, Darth Flare was inside pressing some buttons on the cloning machine. A cylinder of some sort pops out and Darth places it in his satchel. “Don’t worry, my friends. You’ll rise soon enough!”
“What do you think you’re doing, Darth?” Swinebutt asked as he entered the room.
“Just packing up some stuff, and now I’ll be on my way.” Darth said.
“What are you doing with my cloning samples?” Swinebutt asked.
“You may have made us, Swinebutt, but you’re only using us as toys, as pawns! Me, and my brothers and sister will live free, away from your control!” Darth said. “I’ll be making them myself.”
“Darth, put those cloning samples down, and go hunt down the Noble Six!” Swinebutt ordered him.
“NO! You’re the boss of me!” Darth yelled.
“Excuse me?!” Swinebutt said shockingly.
“I may be an evil version of Flare, but I know what he knows! I know you betrayed him; you betrayed Boorlie Pomodoro too, and you’ll betray me! I know it!” Darth said.
“Darth… stand down!” Swinebutt ordered him activating his hornsaber.
“So if you’re just gonna stand in my way, I have no choice but to remove you!” Darth said, activating his hornsaber.
Meanwhile, my friends and I started crawling through the air vents, trying to find our way out. Aqua spits something out of his mouth and said, “Dust bunny!”
“Oh yeah, ah hate those dust bunnies! Had some trouble with one at mah house once.” Engie said. A cutaway shows Engie fighting a giant bunny rabbit made of dust with a broom; the bunny ate the broom, and Engie was defenseless. The bunny rawred at Engie and he was looking around for something to use until he found a vacuum cleaner. “SUCK ON THIS!” Engie yelled as he activated the vacuum cleaner, and sucked the dust bunny monster inside. The rabbit screamed when he was getting sucked inside. Engie was successful. “Silly rabbit! Tricks are for kids!” he said, leaning and posing on the vacuum cleaner as the Ghost Busters theme was playing in the background. The cutaway ends.
Just then a spider comes down on Crystal’s nose, and she screams. “SPIDER! SPIDER!”
“OW! Say that louder why don’t you!” Blaze yelled sarcastically.
“You want me to?” Crystal asked.
“NO! We’re in an air duct! Screaming in here is like screaming in somepony’s ear with a megaphone, because believe me, that’s happened to me!” Blaze said.
“Hey! Up ahead! I see daylight!” Psyche pointed out.
“Ah didn’t know it was still daytime.” Engie said.
”It’s our way out! Let’s go!” Crystal said. Psyche, Crystal, and Blaze started crawling over to the vent that led outside, but instead I turned left, and Aqua and Engie were confused.
“Flare, where are ya goin’, mate?” Aqua asked.
“Yeah, the exit’s this way!” Engie said.
“I can’t leave without Crèmepop!” I said.
“Flare?! We’ll come with you!” Blaze offered.
“No, this is something I have to do alone. She’s the main reason we’re here in the first place, remember?” I asked. “LAWL remember guys?”
“You’re right, Flare! We’ll distract Swinebutt and his goons while you go get her!” Blaze said.
“Good luck, mate.” Aqua said.
“I’ll be fine! I won’t fall for any of Swinebutt’s traps again!” I said. Just then, I started crawling over until I found a familiar looking corridor below me. The others went to the exit. I dropped down and I knew now I was in the same corridor as before. I ran through the corridor until I made it back to where Crèmepop was held. “CRÈMEY!”
“FLARE!” she yelled.
“Crèmey! Are there any traps in here?” I asked.
“No, no traps this time.” Crème said.
“Good!” I said as I ran over to her and untied her, and I held her by me. “Crèmey I’m so sorry I got you into this!”
“What do you mean?” Crème asked.
“I know how you feel about me, and it’s not what you think!” I said. “Pinkie and I broke up recently, but we’re still friends.”
“Oh that! I completely forgotten about that!” Crème said.
“Yeah, but we’re not in safety yet. Stay behind me!” I instructed her.
“But, Flare….” Crème stopped me.
“What?” I asked.
“Thank you for rescuing me.” Crème said, and then she pulled me to her and gave me a kiss. Once she released me, I blushed.
“Well…. I expected that, but why does everyone bother kissing when we’re not even done with our mission yet?” I asked.
“It’s for good luck!” Crème said.
“I don’t need luck, sista!” I said as I turned around with my horn glowing. “I have leet by my side! Because…..” I put on some sunglasses. “FRIENDSHIP IS EPIC! YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” I yelled as the CSI Miami theme song plays in the background as Crème and I started running out.
Darth Flare and Swinebutt continued to fight their hornsaber battle until they reached outside. “Give back those clone samples, Darth!” Swinebutt ordered him.
“Over YOUR dead body!” Darth said.
“Shouldn’t it be over MY dead body?” Swinebutt asked.
”Exactly! That’s what I said!” Darth said mischievously.
“You know, even though you’re my evil creation, you still have a lot of Flare in you.” Swinebutt said as they both continued to fight.
The Noble Six opened the air ven, and jumped down, and they were outside. “We made it! We’re outside! We escaped!” Crystal yelled.
“I wouldn’t be so sure wabout that.” Steelhoof said, as he, along with Fonz, Ray, Nickels, and Spy beside them.
“Looks like it’s time to end this, Spy!” Engie said.
“It is your funeral.” Spy said. The Noble Six and Swinebutt’s goons started to charge at eachother, ready for an epic fight, but it turned out, it was all just a girly slap fight.
“Ow! You pulled my hair!” Crystal whined.
“Ow, I’m telling mom!” Nickels whined.
“Eww! Your hooves are all sticky!” Engie whined.
“Shut up!” Ray whined.
“Ooooo, he said the S wooooord!” Blaze said.
Meanwhile, Crème and I ran out of the HQ and we were finding a way to escape. The theme park was pretty occupied. Too many ponies trying to escape that way, and too many mafia ponies charging in. “So how we gonna get out of here?” Crème asked.
“I have no clue!” I said. Just then I saw Swinebutt and Darth running towards a nearby helicopter on a pad. “It’s Swinebutt and Darth!”
“Go get ‘em, Flare!” Crème said.
“Right! Get yourself to safety, while I go finish this!” I instructed her as I ran over to join the battle. Swinebutt saw me charging towards him.
“NO! Forget this! Two of you is too much!” Swinebutt said. He kicked Darth in the face and he climbed inside the helicopter quickly, activated it, and he started to fly off. I joined Darth on the helipad and we were both shooting at the helicopter with our laser blast spells.
“Wait, why are you shooting at him?” I asked.
“I can’t let him escape! Now that I stole his clone samples he’ll be coming after me!” Darth said. But we were too late, Swinebutt escaped, yet again!
“FOR WIZARD OF HOPE’S SAKE!” I yelled.
”Yeah, for once I agree with you.” Darth said.
“So you’re against Swinebutt now?” I asked.
“That doesn’t mean I’m NOT against you! This world ain’t big enough for the two of us, Crimson!” Darth said.
“Yeah, you’re right….. DARK FLARE!” I agreed.
“I guess you know I hate that.” Darth nodded. “I’ll be coming after you, Flare; but for now, I have some new friends to make!” Darth pushed me off the helipad and he ran towards a nearby volkswagon beetle carriage and then he ran off with it.
I then punched myself and yelled, “GRAY ONE!”
Meanwhile with the Noble Six, it was the aftermath of the slapfight and they were lying on the ground in pain, “Ugh! How did we lose the slapfight?” Aqua asked.
“It is over, Noble Six!” Ray said.
”Yeah, surrender at once!” Fonz said.
“Hey, Fonzy!” Water said, while tapping on his shoulder. “Did you miss me?” Just then she punches Fonz in the nose real hard.
“Water Gun, babe! It’s been forever!” Fonz said excitedly.
“Has it been?” Water asked, and then she mischievously said, “Get ‘em boys!”
“Forget this! Forget you all! Forget Swinebutt! I AM OUTTA HERE!” Fonz yelled as he ran away like a coward.
“Coward!” Steelhoof yelled.
“HEY! You mess with our friends, you mess with us!” Herb said along with ten more mafia ponies.
“On second thought…. Wootles!” Steelhoof said as we ran away.
“Yeah, you’re right Aqua, it’s safer in Hoofture!” Ray said as he ran away.
“We shall meet again, Engineer.” Spy said as he turned on his cloaking device, and disappeared.
“TRAIDERS! You’re all traders to Swinebutt!” Nickels yelled. He then looks back and sees everypony smirking at him. “Uhh… hey guys! Wait up!” Nickels ran off as well.
“Are you guys alright?” Herb asked as he helped my friends up.
“We’re fine, Herb. Thank you!” Blaze said.
“Any friend of Flare’s is a friend of ours. Let’s get out of this place!” Herb said.
“Where’s Flare?” Water asked.
“He went after Crèmepop.” Psyche said.
“FLARE!” Water yelled as she ran off.
“WATER! Get back here! He instructed you to stay with me!” Herb reminded her.
“Then come on!” Water instructed him. Herb knew there was no stopping my sister so he ran off behind her.
Back with me, after I got up near the helipad, Crème was running towards me. “FLARE!” Crème yelled as she was running as fast she could.
“CRÈME!” I yelled. Crème ran over to me as I had my hooves out. Once she came over, I picked her up and spun her around. “Crèmepop, I am so sorry I didn’t understand your feelings before! From now on, it’s you and me!”
“I couldn’t agree more, Flare!” Crème said.
“Will…. you….. go out with me?” I asked.
“I would’ve even accepted marriage, but….. I’ll think about it.” Crème said, winking at me.
“How about tomorrow? 10 AM, I’ll show you the town!” I suggested.
“Why that sounds wonderful!” Crème said, smiling at me. I smiled back, and then we both cuddled and nuzzled.
“FLARE!” Water yelled as she ran over towards Crème and I, and she hugged us both.
“Water! I told you to stay with Herb!” I reminded her.
“I am with Herb.” Water corrected me as she pointed to Herb who was standing over there a yard from us.
“It would appear that our mission was suc… umm… succeed… sucsor… what was that word again?” Herb asked.
“C’mere, Herb!” I persuaded him as I held my hoof out so he would join our group hug. He walked on over to us and then he punched me in the face. “OW! What was that for?!”
“Sorry, I was told that if ponies put out their hooves like that they want a punch in the face. It’s like they’re saying ‘come at me bro’.” Herb explained. Regardless, it was nice to see Water, Herb, my friends, and especially Crèmepop that were safe from harm. Mission accomplished! Crèmepop was saved!
Throughout the whole day the next day, it was just Crèmepop and me; we were spending the whole day together. I showed her my favorite shops and restaurants, I took her to the space center, lighthouse point, the Gatorglades, the Hoof Point Mall, Seastar Island, and all the best places to hang out in here in Mareami! I felt so alive when she was there with me! I felt even more alive with Crèmepop then I ever been with Pinkie! I mean, Pinkie was a great pony, and a great friend, but I think Crème and I were actually meant to be together. Throughout the date I kept getting text message from Spike, but you know what? I just ignored them. Crème was the only thing on my mind right now. Oh, I didn’t finish More Than A Feeling, did I? I finished the rest of the song as Crème and I were going out.
“When I’m tired, and thinking cold…. I hide my music, forget the day.” I sang. “And dream of a mare I got to know! I close my eyes and she slipped awaaaaaay! She slipped awaaaaaaaaAAAAAAYY! More than a feeling!”
“More than a feeling!” the Noble Six, Water, Herb, Angel, and Annabelle all sang.
“When I hear that old song they used to play!” I sang.
“More than a feeling!” they all sang again.
“I begin dreaming!” I sang.
“More than a feeling!” my friends sang.
“Till I see Crèmepop walk awaaaaaaaaaay!” I sang. And so, this ended my second vacation back home in Mareami. I gotta say, it was all worth it! I made a new special somepony, I got to see my family, I defeated my worst enemy big time, but at the same time I gained a new one, and one of the best parts: I discovered the true meaning of the power of polka! I’m pretty sure I’d want to use that power again. Perhaps it’s our ticket to heroism, and maybe I’ll get to have that window in the Canterlot castle, along with my friends! But that time will wait. I have Crèmepop to share my moments with now, and there’s nothing that’ll keep between us! I swear by the Wizard of Hope, I would do anything to keep her happy! I also know Swinebutt will return, as well as Darth Flare, and when that moment comes, I’ll be ready for them.
Before it was time to leave Mareami, I had to say goodbye to Herb and the mob first. “Well Herb, you did offer your assistance with the Friendship Mob to help out my cause, and you fulfilled that promise! Your mob is incredibly useful!”
“Thanks, Flare.” Herb said. “Really, ever since my family and my life fell apart, it was all I had. I was originally doing an errand for Swinebutt until I got ambushed and taken to the Friendship Mob HQ, and that’s when I met Poni Cipriani. Me and a couple of his guys went out to spread the mob’s name across Mareami and then I got Angel, Annabelle, and a couple of other new friends I got since I was in hiding to join the mob with me, and it made us happy. It felt good to make other ponies feel good.”
“I heard on the news all that this mob did, but I had no idea you were a part of it at the time.” I said. “Were you a part of that bank job last year?”
“YES! Rescuing those poor ponies after that heist at the Bank of Equestria building was intense! It really got the Friendship Mob’s name going in this town, and it made my dad angry.” Herb explained.
“It wasn’t easy, but it was successful.” Annabelle said. “I didn’t think we’d be able to pull it off.”
“Clean the streets, man. That’s the meaning of my life.” Angel said.
“Hey, you think you’d be able to help us out in situations we’ll be havin’ in Ponyville?” Engie asked.
“It actually depends on the situation. We’re trying to make Mareami safe here, you see, but if you think it’s vital that you might need our help in places that isn’t here, I’ll have to talk it over with the don.” Herb said.
“Well, Herb, we better get going. I mean I’d love to stay, but the shop needs me, and I have more romantic things with Crèmepop I wanna do.” I said as I put my arm around her.
“Sounds like a plan, Flare.” Herb nodded. “Don’t be a stranger now, y’here?”
“Got it!” I agreed. So we all said goodbye to eachother and the mob walks away.
“I got to punch Fonz in the nose!” Water said excitedly.
“That doesn’t change me wanting to keep you safe at all.” I said to her.
“DANG IT!” Water cried. “I so totally need an adult right now!”
“I’m an adult.” I reminded her.
“Not the way you act, you don’t.” Water said.
“Ooooooh snap!” Crystal said.
“Shut up, Psyche.” I said as I glared at him.
“I DIDN’T EVEN SAY ANYTHING!” Psyche yelled.
And so, we all returned to Ponyville. Later that day, I was working at my shop along with Crèmey. “Hey Flare, mind if I run a few errands?” she asked.
“No problemo, babe!” I said, giving her a kiss. “Take your time!”
“Thanks, Flare!” Crème said as she hummed and trotting out of the shop, and then Spike comes in with a trumpet.
“What’s up, brah?” I asked.
“Here yee, here yee! Come fourth, soon-to-be-Princess Twilight Sparkle!” Spike said, as Twilight walks inside.
“Playing princess, huh Twilight? I know you’ve always wanted to be like your teacher, sista!” I said.
“Oh, I’m not playing! I’m actually going to be one!” Twilight said as she spreaded her wings for me to see.
”LAWL WHAT?!” I yelled. Lyra’s jaw drop as she sees it.
”Aren’t they pretty, Flare?” Twilight asked.
“PRETTY?! You’re an alicorn now?!” I asked.
“Yeah, isn’t this amazing! I’m having my coronation tomorrow!” Twilight said excitedly.
“Your coronation of being a mary-sue?” I asked.
“What?” Twilight asked.
“Celestia and Luna are good enough alicorns if you ask me, and its bad enough Cadance is one. Does this really make sense?” I asked.
“Well, are you jealous?” I asked.
“I’m not jealous, but nopony is gonna like that! Plus, I’m so confused! Why are you a princess?” I asked.
“I made my own magic and then Celestia made me a princess!” Twilight said.
“THAT EASY?! It’s that easy to be a princess?!” I yelled. “You just make your own magic and then you instantly become a princess?! That doesn’t make any sense!”
“Hey it gets worse. She thought out the cutie mark problem just like that!” Spike said snapping his fingers.
“OH YOU ARE KIDDING ME!” I complained. “Alicorn princess Twilight, and she thought of a solution to the cutie mark problem, and now she’s a princess! How does this make sense?! I mean seriously, what the hay?! MAGIC LAWS! MAGIC LAWS! YOU MUST OBEY THE MAGIC LAWS!” That was certainly an awkward moment right there. Twilight just slowly backed away. It’s nice that Twilight is living her dream, but how does this make any sense what-so-ever? Sweet Luna, I think we can all agree that this finale made a lot more sense than that one! But….. if this is what Twilight wants, I am forced to accept that. I wanted to make her happy, so I went to the princess coronation.
It wasn’t so bad at the coronation, at least Luna was there, Spike was singing along with Twilight, and I liked that. I just stood there, watching the coronation with my friends. I punched Psyche again because I saw another volkswagon go by during the parade. Aqua was there with Wind Racer, waving at the Mane Six as they went by. Engie blew a few fireworks, but the fireworks blew Thundy’s wig right off his head, and Crystal giggled. Blaze, Candy Cotton, and Rose were all waving to Rainbow Dash in the parade. Even Adventure Blade was there, but he was playing Binding of Isaac on his laptop while doing so. Over at my trailer, Apollo was watching the coronation on TV with my fish. I also had a lot of fun watching along with my new special somepony: Crèmepop!
“Yes! Everything is going to be just fine!” Twilight said as she started flying.
Just fine? That’s it? What about great?! Also, don’t jinx it Twilight. You say everything is fine, and everything will turn into a disaster! Just you wait until the Season 4 premiere! Also how did you learn to fly that fast? I barely learned how to move my pegasus wings the time I switched races with Blaze!
Anyways, meanwhile inside the castle, Discord was watching the parade from his room in the tower; Swinebutt was there too so he bursted inside. “Well, well, well! What do we have here? A piece of bacon walking into the room?” Discord teased.
“Yeah, ha ha, very funny.” Swinebutt said in an annoyed tone and he snorted.
“I gotta say; you need to scrub that ketchup stain off your eye. Makes you look creepy!” Discord said, talking about Swinebutt’s red ‘S’ on his eye.
“Look, Discord, I have a proposition for you.” Swinebutt said.
“Go ahead! I’m all ears!” Discord said as ears of corn appear where his ears are supposed to be.
“Good! So here’s my deal…” Swinebutt started. It cuts off from there. Also, meanwhile, Darth Flare was someplace else, I don’t know where though. He started pushing buttons and a machine near him activated. Once it finished, the door of the machine opened, and steam came out.
“My friends! Welcome to your new lives!” Darth Flare said mischievously.
Well…. that’s all I got for now! Wow, time flies when you’re having fun, huh brahs? If you’re still here reading this, thank you for reading Friendship is Epic – Book 2: Dat Mareami Heat! I hope you enjoyed it and now it’s time for things to get a lot more interesting! It’s not just gonna be lulz and everything, this is going to be a big adventure! What is Swinebutt planning next? What is Darth Flare up to? Will Crèmepop and I’s relationship last forever? Will I get ponies to quit grabbing my vest or disobeying the Magic Laws? Find out next time….. on FRIENDSHIP IS EPIC – Book 3: Blessings of the Night! OH PSYCHE, WHITE ONE!
“OW!” Psyche yelled. “Keep this up and I’m leaving you!”