Yet Another Human in Equestria Story
By: Bardic Knowledge
Chapter 8: July 24, The Ticket Master
Things had been running smoothly since the Poison Joke incident, which Princess Celestia found somewhat amusing, and I've been relishing the use of my hands. Trixie hasn't left yet, though I had yet to ask her what was keeping her around. She did find a job in Ponyville using her wide array of spells and illusions to supplement another skill of hers: bartending.
I had been surprised when I discovered that Ponyville had a bar in the first place, but, in retrospect, bars are practically everywhere anyways. Her skill with being a flashy bartender was discovered when Pinkie threw me and Twilight our “One Month In Ponyville” party at the bar in question, and Trixie mixed her own drink. Berry Punch was impressed by her flair and hired her on after that. Working at a bar had also gotten Trixie's sleep schedule to more-or-less sync up with my own, though she was annoyed that I wouldn't sample what drinks she brought home.
This particular day started like any other: Trixie and I had lunch (a salad of some sort for her, and my best attempt at Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo for myself), and then we retired to the living room to play a board game. With the success of “Brightly Burning” and “Firebird,” which I had finally gotten around to publishing, I had plenty of money to start building a board game collection like my dad's.
We normally played whatever game was chosen for about an hour before heading into town, but today our game was interrupted by a knock on the door.
“Oh, hey, Twi, Spike.” I said, finding them on the other side of the door. “What brings you by?”
“I never thought being showered with favours would be so aggravating!” she said, trudging into the kitchen.
“The tickets, huh?”
“Yes!”
“Tickets?” asked Trixie.
“Twilight's been sent a pair of tickets for the Grand Galloping Gala by the Princess and it seems everypony wants to go,” explained Spike.
“Yes! Exactly!” Her stomach growled. “Ugh. You wouldn't happen to have something for me to eat, would you?”
“I'm sure one of us could whip something up,” I nodded. Trixie, almost surprisingly, volunteered, though she cited my meat-inclusive diet as the reason. It was only almost surprising because Trixie had managed to “soften up” over the past two weeks, she only rarely spoke in third person anymore, though her flamboyant personality remained strong.
“So, do you have any reason to want to go to the Gala, Joe?” Twilight asked, sitting at the dining room table, while Spike investigated the pantry, likely to see if I had any hidden jewels in it.
My only jewels were part of my clothes.
“Well, I'd probably seek out Princess Luna if I could,” I said, looking over the game board. It was Trixie's turn, so I didn't touch it, but I still thought about what my next moves were going to be. “But I'd probably stick out like a sore thumb at the Gala itself. Hmm, bad metaphor.”
“That's a simile,” Twilight corrected.
I blinked. “So it is.”
“And you, Trixie?”
Trixie was busily tossing a new salad for Twilight, but took a moment to answer, “Well, I'd probably use it as an opportunity to get new audiences. See if the Canterlot nobility has any use for my act at their parties.”
As if it was the magic word, Pinkie practically broke down the front door and swept Twilight outside, where a large group of ponies started tossing her up and down.
“Wah!”
“SURPRISE!” cried the other ponies, as trumpets and music began playing from pretty much nowhere. Pinkie then started singing. Trixie, Spike, and I stepped onto the front porch to watch.
o/`Twilight is my bestest friend/
Whoopie, whoopie!o/`
“Pinkie...” Twilight was, of course, not amused.
o/`She's the cutest, smartest, all around best pony, pony!o/`
“Pinkie.”
o/`I bet if I throw a super-duper fun party, party!o/`
“Pinkie!”
o/`She'll give her extra ticket to the Gala to me!o/`
“PIIINKIIIE!!” I winced at the volume, and the ponies right next to her dropped her to the ground.
“Yes, Twilight?” Pinkie asked, calmly.
“At least the other ponies tried to be subtle about the ticket!” Twilight shook herself.
“Wait, what ticket?” asked one of the ponies. “What gala?”
“Oh, you didn't know?” started Pinkie, but before she could go any further, I started clapping.
“Okay! Good show, everypony!” I started down the porch steps. “However, I'm afraid that Twilight here has some lunch she would like to eat, and as such I'd like you all to get off my lawn now.”
“But Twilight has that extra Grand Galloping Gala ticket for me!” Well. There went that attempt to stop the chase.
“THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA?!” chorused the background ponies. Spike dashed past me and Trixie and grabbed Twilight, running back into town.
“And they're off!” I yelled, as the entire mass of ponies started chasing Twilight and Spike. Trixie and I watched them run off before she spoke up.
“Don't you think we should have mentioned the tickets the Princess sent you?”
“Nah. This would've happened anyways. Though, we might want to be to the library by nightfall to mention it, so they don't think we've been left out when Princess Celestia sends each of them a ticket.”
“It sounds like you've really planned ahead about this sort of thing.”
“Not really. I usually take life as it comes, especially since things are happening in a different order than the show. This event was the first episode after the series premiere, but four other episodes have happened between then and now.”
“It's still a bit surreal that our lives are simply entertainment for your world.” I had, after some deliberation, decided to let Trixie in on my origins, which got some incredulous comments from the blue unicorn.
“Considering the infinite size of the multiverse, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a world out there where my boring life back on Earth was considered entertainment.” I paused for a moment. “Actually, that sounds like an interesting story idea right there, sort of like a reverse self-insert where someone from the hypothetical other world pops into my life and proceeds to fanboy/girl over things.”
As we reached town, there was a frantic hunt for Twilight and Spike, who had apparently disappeared while being chased. To prevent us from being mobbed, as well as keeping them from following us to Twilight, Trixie cloaked us both in a standard invisibility spell.
However, when we got to the Library, Twilight and Spike weren't there, though Fluttershy and Angel were.
“Oh!” Fluttershy gasped. “I, um, I was expecting Twilight...”
“So was I, actually,” I commented. “I imagine your belated spring cleaning is finished?”
“Oh, um, yes.”
“Twilight was originally going to come here after Rarity played dress-up with her, but she came over to my place instead. You should know, though, that doing her these favours isn't making her decision any easier.”
“I realize that, now,” Fluttershy nodded. “Angel talked some sense into me.” The rabbit nodded, munching on a leaf left over from the salad he had likely been making earlier that afternoon.
“We've finally figured it out, too,” said Rainbow Dash from the doorway. I turned at looked to see the rest of the group wander in after her, heads hung low.
“It was most uncouth of us to attempt to force a decision on the poor dear,” Rarity agreed.
“Did you guys come to find Twilight and apologize, too?” asked Applejack.
“Well, no,” I said. Before anyone could jump down my throat for that, I quickly added. “We came to let you guys, and her, know that we've already got tickets to the Gala. Princess Celestia sent them to us through the flame she gave me back when I visited her in Canterlot with Spike at the same time that she replied to my previous status update on Ponyville.”
“Though, truthfully, she just sent two tickets to him. 'For Joe and one guest,' is what the letter said,” added Trixie. Rainbow began to smile in a curious way.
“And you just happened to invite Trixie, huh?” she said. “Joe and Trixie sitting in a tree-”
“Now, hold on-”
“K-I-S-S-I-N-G-” By this time, Pinkie joined in.
“I am hardly a xenophile-”
“First comes love, then comes marriage-”
“We're entirely different species, we can't-”
“-Then comes a baby in a baby carriage!” Everypony just started laughing as I stood there, face in hand.
“Again,” I started. “I am hardly a xenophile, and most definitely a not a zoophile. And even if I was, I'm pretty sure our species are anatomically incompatible. Not 100% certain, but 80-85%.”
“Trixie agrees,” Trixie... agreed. Hmm, redundant. “Trixie was merely invited along because pre-established events in the time-space continuum made the spare ticket unavailable to anypony else.” This confused most of the ponies in the room.
Good. Trixie remembered the explanation I asked her to give them. Though, really, I gave her the spare ticket because she was my friend as much as anypony else, and she'd stuck with me even with my boring life.
Heh. Doesn't matter which universe I'm in, I'm a boring guy. I glanced at the window.
“Curious,” I muttered. “Where is she?” At everyone's questioning looks, I elaborated: “As we came into town, the mob that had been chasing Twi and Spike for her extra ticket had been hunting everywhere for her, saying that she disappeared. It's been almost a half-hour since then, and she was supposed to teleport straight to the library.”
“Really? That is curious. Could it not be instantaneous?” asked Rarity.
I raised a finger, paused, and thought about it. “Well... When she and Spike re-appear...” I closed my eyes to try and remember better. “Spike asks for a warning next time, and Twilight says that she, essentially, teleported by accident, then they go around turning... out... the lights...” I glanced back at the window. The sun was still out, though it would be setting in an hour or two. “But... What?”
“What is it?” asked Fluttershy.
“I think she teleported herself through space and time.”
“Ooh!” Pinkie exclaimed. “So she went back in time thirty years where she ran into her parents, but in saving her dad's life her fell in love with her and so she had to get her parents to get back together so that she wouldn't not exist and at the same time she has to figure out how to get back and to do that she asks the Princess or one of her professors at the school who happens to have figured out how to do time travel, but it requires an insane amount of magical power but she thankfully has a book that tells her when an event will occur that will give her enough power to come back?”
I stood there and blinked, processing this. “No.” I finally squeaked. “That would be the plot of 'Back to the Future.' How in the name of absolute darkness did you know that?”
“Just a thought.”
“Gah!” I held up one hand to stave off any comments. “Okay. I meant, she's come forward in time.” Pinkie opened her mouth. “AND ONLY BY A FEW HOURS!” She closed her mouth. “I need to sit down.” I walked up the stairs to the balcony and sat down, grabbing one of Twilight's “Daring Do” books (Griffin's Goblet, I believe). Trixie joined me, but kept her eyes on the clock. She had to work tonight.
Hmm. Maybe I should write the Indiana Jones movies, then I can see about writing that crossover “Whip and Wings” I read some time ago... Nah.
The others milled about for a while, apologizing to each other for their selfishness, and before long it was dark out. A few minutes after sunset, there was a bright flash of light, Spike and Twilight appearing on the ground floor.
“Warn me next time you're gonna do that!” said Spike, right on schedule.
“I didn't even know it was going to happen! Now, quick! Lock the doors!” As she and Spike ran around locking doors and windows and turning out lights, the others got out of her way in an alcove and we watched the two of them run about.
As they sighed in relief at having dodged a bullet, Rarity used her magic to light the ceiling lamp that Twilight had just put out.
“Yaaaargh!” I flinched slightly at Twilight's scream. “I can't decide, I just can't decide! It's important to all of you and I just can't stand to disappoint any of you, and giving me gifts and doing me favors won't make any difference, because you're all my friends and I wanna make you all happy and I can't, I just can't!”
Applejack climbed back down the ladder she just climbed up and walked over to Twilight, putting a hoof on her head placatingly. “Twilight, sugar, I didn't mean to put so much pressure on you, and if it helps, I don't want the ticket anymore. You can give it to somepony else. I won't feel bad, I promise.”
“Me, too,” Fluttershy agreed. “I feel just awful that I made you feel so awful.”
As everyone apologized (with a little preemptive victory dance by Rainbow Dash), Trixie and I just say where we were and watched. Twilight wrote her letter and sent off the tickets, before noticing that the two of us were sitting there.
“What are you guys doing here?” she asked. “You didn't pressure me into a ticket.”
“That's because we've already got one,” Trixie replied.
“Already got one?”
“Oh, yes,” I said, using a bad fake French accent. “Very nice.” I got a couple curious looks and just shrugged. “Princess Celestia sent me and Trixie a set of tickets yesterday.”
Spike suddenly started gagging before spitting out a letter in green fire. “A letter from the princess? That was fast.” said Twilight.
I hopped down from the balcony, skipping the steps, and pat Spike on the back. Apparently, receiving a lot of material can be difficult for him. Spike took the letter in claw and started reading it, “'My faithful student Twilight, why didn't you say so in the first place?' Six tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala!” He held aloft the tickets, causing the Mane Six to gasp in delight.
“Now we can all go!” Twilight cheered. The jubilation was cut short, however, with the growling of her stomach.
“Allow us to treat you to dinner,” Rarity said, and they all headed for the door.
“What a great way to apologize,” Dash said. Everyone's tickets started floating in front of them as they walked by, an enchantment on the ticket itself keeping it near the pony named on it.
Princess Celestia can be such an incorrigible prankster. Have to find some way to amuse yourself for a thousand years, I suppose.
“And to celebrate!” Pinkie cheered, actually walking out of the library. “Come on everyone, the cupcakes are on me!”
We followed the group out, though Trixie had to leave us to go to work before we got to Sugarcube Corner, and Spike joined us instead.
Not as exciting a day as I had expected when Twilight showed up, but it doesn't have to be exciting to be good.