Almost Married
The train's piercing whistle pulls you from your restless sleep. Sitting up as best you can, you wince as you stretch your sore back. These seats were made for ponies; they're cramped, and too small for you.
Still, there's not much else to do on an eight hour ride with nobody to talk to. Looking out the window, you can see Ponyville, just around the next hill getting closer and closer. It's been years since you've been here. You're really not entirely sure why you were coming back. Guess everyone's gotta go home sometime.
You'd been in Equestria for around five years, now, although it's hard to tell exactly how long. Fitting in with this world wasn't easy, but you made some friends who made it easier. Hell, after a while, you even got engaged. The whole thing felt surreal, though, and you left Ponyville on the day of your wedding. You weren't sure if you were really ready to for such a commitment, least of all with a pony. You intended to take a few days to yourself to think things over, but a few days became a few weeks, a few months, to a few years.
The screech of the brakes sends a shiver up your spine and drags you from your thoughts as the train pulls into Ponyville station. Standing up from your seat, you grab the suitcase off the seat beside you. It contains all of your worldly possessions. Some clothes, a bit of money, a ring. And a photo of her.
It feels nice to be on your feet again after sitting for so long. Standing by the door, you hesitate for a moment before you exit. Crossing this threshold is the last step of your long journey. You hear an impatient snort coming from the pony behind you, pulling you back into the moment. You duck through the small door.
Stepping out onto the platform, a wave of nostalgia washes over you. It doesn't look like anything's changed since you left. Still, you can't shake a feeling of alienation as you look around. Most of the ponies looked familiar, but you didn't know their names, even if you once did.
"You going somewhere, son?" The sudden voice makes you jump. You look and see one of the royal guards talking to you.
"Um... yeah, I am."
He looks you up and down. Probably thinks you're some kind of hobo.
"Get on, then. No loitering."
"Right. Sorry." you say with a quick nod. You head toward town.
As you walk through Ponyville, you catch some all too familiar stares from the residents. Except this time, it's not because you're some weird looking creature walking through their town. Some of them offer you a friendly wave, but more than a few of them stare daggers at you. Seems a few of them remember what you did. You can't blame them for being angry at you. It's not like you ever forgave yourself for it, either. You don't know if you have it in you to see her at the moment, if she'd even want to see you. Might as well see the town a bit before you go home. Assuming it still IS your home.
The town really hasn't changed much. A few stores have opened here and there, a few closed down. As you walk through the town, lost in your thoughts, you hardly notice as two mares snicker as they walk past you, whispering to themselves. Pink and gray... Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon! But they're all grown up! Jesus, have you really been gone that long? You feel uneasy, now, and guiltier than ever.
Walking to a nearby bench, you take a seat. It's too small for you, and you feel it sag under your weight, but it's good enough for now. Your suitcase was starting to get heavy anyway. Setting it on the ground, you reach over and unclasp it's holds. Reaching inside, you fish around for a bit before you find it. Pulling it out, you inspect the gleaming ring, platinum inlaid with a single diamond. You fiddle with the ring for a bit, before putting it in your shirt pocket for safe keeping. Having it close to your heart was oddly comforting. Reaching forward, you close the clasps on the suitcase, lean over, and rest your arms on it. After a few moments of watching the day pass you by, you rest your head on your arms.
"Well now, this is a weird place ta sleep."
You pull awake with a soft jerk. Looks like you didn't get enough sleep on the ride here. You lift your face from your arms to see the source of the voice, but wince. The sudden light from the sun stings your eyes, but you can still see who she was.
"Hey, Applejack," you say with your most convincing smile. You sit up on the bench, rubbing your eyes before stretching with a yawn. Applejack takes a seat beside you on the bench.
"So, what brings ya back ta town after all this time?"
You open and close your mouth a few times, trying to find the right words, but they never come. Finally, the best you can offer is a defeated sigh.
"I don't know. It just seemed like it was time."
You're looking straight ahead, but you can feel Applejack's gaze on you, giving you an uncomfortable, tingly feeling. About a minute goes by.
"Have ya seen her, yet?" Applejack asks, finally breaking the silence.
You shake your head, slowly, before giving another sigh.
"No. No, not yet. I'm wondering if it'd even be a good idea."
"Don't tell me ya came back after all this time and yer not even going to visit her."
"Of course I want to," you say, looking at Applejack. "But hell, after all this time, how do I know she's not better off without me around? I'm just afraid I'll make things worse."
You bury your face in your hands and exhale deeply.
"She probably hates me, anyway."
You feel Applejack moving on the bench before feeling her hoof on your shoulder. Pulling your face from your hands, you look at her to find her smiling.
"I don't know why ya left, but I know you had yer reasons. You've got a good heart, Anon, and I know you'd never hurt nopony on purpose. Ain't nobody could hate ya, Anon."
You can't help but crack your own smile at her optimism.
"Thanks, Applejack. I just hope she feels the same."
"Only one way ta find out."
"I know, I know. I just don't know if I'm ready, you know?"
"You came back, didn't ya? I don't think you'd bother if you weren't ready."
You sit there in silence for a few moments, letting what she said sink in. She's right; why would you come all the way back here if you weren't ready? Filled with a renewed sense of direction, you jump from the bench and grab your suitcase.
"I'll see you, Applejack!" you call back, waving over your shoulder as you run to your destination. A few moments later, her house is in view. You slow your run to a crawl and catch your breath, stopping in front of the door. Taking a few deep breaths, mostly to calm your nerves, you knock on the door.
"I'm coming!" you hear from inside. A few seconds later, the door opens, revealing Bon Bon. Her expression turns from one of shock to one of anger.
"You!" she says in a low voice.
"Uh, hey, Bon Bon. Is Lyra home?"
"How dare you!?" she growls as she stomps toward you. You hold your hands up in defense, but stand your ground.
"Look, I know I messed up, but-"
"Messed up? You just walk out on us, and you say you messed up!?"
"Bon Bon, listen to me! I just need a chance to explain myself."
"You think you deserve-" Bon Bon stops mid-sentence, looking around. Doing the same, you see the two of you are making quite the scene, and a few ponies are staring at the commotion. Heaving an irritated sigh, Bon Bon turns around and walks back inside the house.
"You coming?" she snaps over her shoulder, turning the corner and vanishing from view. You hesitate for a moment before you follow her. Given her reaction, you're wondering if Applejack wasn't wrong. Maybe this was a bad idea after all? Taking a deep breath, you mentally gird yourself. You can't back out at this point. Grabbing your suitcase, you duck through the door, closing it behind you.
The inside of the house is nothing like you remember it. The walls are a new color, and the furniture all looks newer. The feeling of not recognizing the house you'd lived in for years only adds to your feelings of alienation. Instead of the familiarity you were hoping for, you instead feel a cold sense of loneliness. Bon Bon is waiting for you as you turn into the living room. Sitting in a chair, she wordlessly points at the nearby sofa. You obey her silent command, taking a seat on the small sofa with your suitcase on the floor in front of you.
"Where's Lyra?" you ask the angry looking mare.
"She's in the back yard." she replies tersely.
"Well, I should go and talk to-"
"No." Bon Bon says firmly. "She's only just gotten over what you did to her, and I'm not having you run out there and make things worse. You wanted a chance to explain? Then explain."
You give a silent, defeated sigh, running your hands through your hair. You throat feels dry as you try and think of what to say without upsetting her even more. The entire time, she stares at you as if she's trying to look through you. Finally, you heave another, louder sigh, and repeat what you said to Applejack.
"It seemed like now was the right time."
"What makes this the right time?" Bon Bon asks coldly. "Why not yesterday? Why not Last week? Why not a year ago?"
She keeps her voice calm and level, but you can tell she's much angrier than she's letting on. The best you can offer is shaking your head.
"I... I don't know. Something just clicked, and I knew it was time to come home."
Bon Bon shakes her head.
"After all you've done, you still have the nerve to call this your home?"
"Bon Bon, come on!" you say, stepping off the couch. "I know I messed up, I know! But I'm trying to make things right, here! Just give me a chance!"
She says nothing in response, and her expression stays exactly the same. Shaking her head again, she steps off her chair and walks to a nearby window. You can feel your cheeks getting hot as you become more defensive.
"Besides, you used to like it when I was here!" you almost shout, grasping for something to win her over with. "Remember when we all watched that scary movie together, and you had to sleep with me and Lyra for a week?"
"Don't try to bring up good memories to win me over." she says, turning her head to look you in the eyes.
"I'm over what you've done, but you see her?" she says, pointing out the window. You walk over beside her and look where she's pointing. You feel a knot in your stomach when you see it's Lyra, sitting in a bench swing hanging from a tree branch.
"You almost broke her heart when you left. She's almost back to normal after all this time, and I'm not going to let you hurt her again."
"I never meant to hurt her." you say absently, never taking your eyes off Lyra. "I loved her, I always loved her."
You finally tear your eyes off Lyra, and look down to Bon Bon.
"I know I messed up, bad. And I have no excuse for that. But now, I want to make things right for her. Even if I can't have her forgiveness, I can at least give her closure."
Bon Bon stares at you, unblinking, for the longest time. You can tell she's thinking, by her furrowed brow. Finally, she gives a sigh of her own. Without a word, she gives you a slow, deep nod, before going back to sit in her chair. Opening the door, you duck through the doorway and into the back yard.
The cool breeze hits your face as you turn toward Lyra, still on the swing, facing away from you. She's sitting upright, like she used to do, and you can't help but smile at the sight.
As you slowly walk toward her, unsure of what to say, the back door finally closes. The sound gets Lyra's attention, and you see her ears twitch.
"Hello, Bon Bon." she says in a cheerful voice. "Want to sit with me for a while?"
You take your chance to speak up.
"Well, I'm not Bon Bon." you say, watching her spin around in shock. "But I'll take you up on the offer, if that's ok."
She doesn't reply to your lame joke, instead staring at you with wide eyes, mouth agape. Words fail you as well, and it feels like your mouth is suddenly full of cotton. With slow, uncertain steps, you walk around to the swing where she's sitting, and take a seat beside her. There's plenty of room and the swing is solid and sturdy. It ought to be; you built it that way. The two of you used to sit on this swing and talk for hours. Now, it just feels uncomfortable as you avoid her gaze, still locked onto you. Finally, you decide it's time to push forward.
"I'm sorry." you finally say, forcing yourself to face Lyra. As soon as you speak up, she looks down, avoiding your gaze, her expression impossible to read. Her mouth begins to tremble, as if she's about to cry.
"Why?" she forces the words out.
"I didn't know if I was ready." Your own words ring hollow in your head. As you finally tell her why you left, after all these years, it sounds like a bad excuse, even to you.
"I didn't know if I was ready to get married. Let alone to a pony."
She visibly tenses at the last part, as if you had somehow insulted her. You want to tell her that's not the case, but the words don't come. Lyra snaps around to face you, tears brimming in her eyes.
"Why didn't you just talk to me, then!?" she half chokes on her tears as she screams at you. "I would have understood! We could have talked all of this over!"
She's losing her composure quickly, and shaking either from tears or anger; it's hard to tell. Given her state, it's probably both. She stares you down, waiting for an answer, but you're too ashamed of yourself to look her in the eye.
"Well!?"
"I don't know!" you finally force yourself to answer. "I thought I might hurt you!"
You feel her hoof connect against your jaw, knocking your head to the side. It didn't hurt much, but it got her point across.
"And you thought just dropping out my life wouldn't hurt me!?"
"No! I mean- UGH!" you bury your face in your hands, your frustration getting the better of you. You take a few deep breaths to try and calm down.
"I never meant to stay away so long." you say, turning to look her in the eyes. "I don't know why I didn't come back. I wanted time to think for a few days, and I guess... time just got away from me."
A thick silence falls over the two of you, broken only by Lyra's light sobs and heavy breathing.
"Why, then?" she asks quietly. "Why did you come back?"
"Because," you say with a sigh. "I missed you, and I just wanted to come home.'
She shakes her head incredulously.
"I can't believe you could be so selfish."
Her words pierce your heart like a dagger, and it's all you can do to keep your own tears back at this point. She's right, you really are just selfish. You turn your head down, looking straight at the ground, feeling her stare burning into you. Heaving a deep sigh to try and control your breathing, you force yourself to meet her gaze again.
"I know it's meaningless, now, but for what it's worth, I still love you. I really do. Even if you're a pony."
You're not sure why you told her that. Maybe just to get it off your chest while you still can. Lyra inhales sharply when you say it. She may have be trying to stifle a gasp.
"H-how can I believe that?" she stammers awkwardly.
"I came back, didn't I?" you say, forcing a small chuckle. "There's nothing else for me, here. If not for you, I'd have nothing to come back to."
She doesn't reply, instead furrowing her brow, as if considering your thoughts.
"Besides," you say, reaching into your pocket, "There's a reason I kept this."
Presenting the ring to her, she covers her mouth with her hoof, doing nothing to hide her gasp this time. Reaching over to her, you gently slide the ring onto her horn, causing her to tear up again. Lowering your hand, you take her face in your hands, brushing the tears off her cheek with your thumb.
"I don't expect you to love me back. But I just want everything to go back to the way they were. I miss you, and I miss being with you. Even if it's just as friends. Can you forgive me?"
She sniffles a bit, and blinks hard to clear the tears from her eyes. Sitting up straight, she gently uses her hoof to push your hand away from her face. She pulls the ring off, and sets it on the swing between you.
"Anonymous... after how much you've hurt me, I don't think I can forgive you just like that."
It feels like someone punched you in the chest so hard your guts tied into a knot. Still, you do your best to stay composed.
"I... I understand." you manage to say through a slight sob. You turn away from Lyra, facing forward in the swing, staring at nothing in particular ahead of you. You can feel Lyra shifting awkwardly in her seat.
"Do you have a place to stay?"
"No." you say more tersely than you meant to, shaking your head.
"Well, we may have a room for rent, if you want it."
You turn and face her again, revealing a serious look on her face.
"You'd be willing to take me back in?"
"Anonymous..." she takes a deep breath, thinking over her next words.
"You hurt me, Anonymous. You really did."
You can't do anything but stare blankly at her.
"You left without so much as a note, and I was scared. I didn't know if something happened you. I thought maybe you didn't love me. All these different things were in my head, and there was nothing I could do about it. I've been in so much pain these last few years, Anonymous. I never stopped thinking of you. And I can't just get over all of that just because you show up and apologize."
Your face falls as she says the last part, all your hopes beginning to crash around you.
"But..." she says, using her hoof gently raise your face back up, to look you in the eyes. "If everything you've said is true, I'm willing to try."
You take her hoof in her hand, gently caressing her downy coat with you thumb.
"It is true." you tell her, softly but firmly.
As the two of you break off into silence, it feels like weight has been lifted off your chest. Sure, she hasn't really forgiven you, but she's willing to try, and that's all you can ask for. You find yourself smiling in spite of yourself, and Lyra notices, a small grin appearing on her face, as well.
"What's the smile for?" she asks.
"I'm just relieved. And I guess I'm looking forward to being back."
"So would you like to stay here?"
You hadn't really thought that far ahead, really. Probably should have checked into a hotel or something before coming here. Mentally kicking yourself, you nod your head.
"Yeah," you reply with a small nod. "That would be nice."
"Then, lets head inside and talk about the rent and other details."
She hops down from the swing, you standing to follow her. Reaching down to the swing, you scoop the ring up and putting it back into your pocket. Opening the back door, you follow her inside.
The next morning, you open the front door, and step out with a yawn. Everything is calm and quite, and the sun is just below the horizon, about to bloom at any moment. The morning air is cool but refreshing. You can tell it's going to be a beautiful day.
You let out another yawn; you're still pretty tired. You were up pretty late convincing Bon Bon to let you stay. She didn't seem to happy about it in the end, but she finally relented.
"Hey, there!" you hear.
Looking up, you see the mailmare fluttering down with her bag of letters. As she lands in front of you, you see her eyes are crossed, and she looks slightly confused.
"Umm... do you live here?" she inquires.
"Yeah?"
She pulls a letter out of the bag, looks at you, then squints, looking at the name on the envelope.
"Are you... Lyra Heartstrings?"
"No... but she lives here."
'Oh, ok!" she says, slapping the letter in your hands.
"Are you her new boyfriend?"
The bluntness and lack of tact catch you off guard.
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"A long time ago, Lyra had another boyfriend she was going to marry, but he dumped her at the altar!"
You can't help but chuckle as you turn around to head back inside with Lyra's letter.
"He sounds like a real jerk."