I followed Mr. Green as he went to take his first shot. The colt had graciously given me the first swing, and was testing the wind while he dug through the caddy's bag.
Eventually, he found a club he liked, and trotted up toward the ball.
"So, you see Mr. Green," I was saying, keeping right on his tail, "It would really mean a lot to us if we got that million dollars."
"Mr. Boulder, you seem to be under some kind of misapprehension. I haven't got a million dollars. I merely represent the possible donor, Mrs. Honey Blossom, whose financial adviser I happen to be," He leaned on his club authoritatively, using a rather awkward stance to keep his balance.
"Oh," as he got ready to take his shot, I leaned down to his face, "Well, if you could just give me some assurance--"
He ignored me blatantly, testing the wind for a fourth time.
"Um, some assurance--"
"Mr Boulder," he took the same leaning stance a second time, "When I play golf, I only talk golf. And then, only between shots. Perhaps we could discuss this over a coffee and brandy when we've finished our game?"
"Yes, of course," I said, worried that I may have ruined our chances.
"In the meantime, I believe you have hooked your ball," he said, turning back to his shot.
"Oh, yes. Well, I'll see you in a minute, Mr. Green," I wandered off to the right, my caddy following me a few steps behind.
What I saw beyond the trees will never leave my head. A pink earth pony, holding a golf club with her front hooves, preparing to take a wild swing at an unseen golf ball. My golf ball.
"Wait!" I yelled, but she swung anyway. The force of the swing spun her in a full circle, before she landed in the grass, giggling crazily.
"You shouldn't do that, you know," she told me.
"Shouldn't do what?" I asked, confused.
"Talk while somepony's shooting. Well, it's okay. I got a good shot," she started to wander away, her caddy rolling his eyes at the oddness of her... well, her everything.
"Look, I think you just hit my ball," I told her, getting right to the point.
"Oh? I don't think I did."
"Well, what game are you playing?" I asked, attempting to prove the point I had made.
"PGA."
"Well, I'm playing a crowflight."
"I like PGA better."
"That's not the point!" I told her, stamping my hooves while she took another shot with a putter. She sunk it easily, despite her lack of magic.
"Look," I pulled the ball out of the hole, showing it to her, "See? A PGA has two black dots, but a crowflight has a circle. It's a circle, see?"
"Well, of course!" The pony said, "Do you think it would roll around if it wasn't a circle?"
"No, no, I'm talking about a mark--"
"Yes, well, it's just a game, right?" she interrupted, "Why does it matter?"
"BOULDER!" yelled Mr. Green, waving frantically at me.
"I'LL SEE YOU IN A MINUTE, MR. GREEN!" I yelled back, "You don't mind if I take this with me, do you?" I asked sarcastically.
"Nah, you can have it. I don't need a golf ball."
~~~~~
After only another few minutes, there was a loud rev followed by a smash in the parking lot.
"Say," Mr. Green murmured, "Isn't that your car?"
I looked where he was pointing to see-- surprise, surprise-- the pink pony, sitting in my car and trying to maneuver it out of it's parking spot. How she was doing this without magic, I had no idea. But, from what I'd seen, she really didn't appear to be a pony who followed normal rules.
"No! Stop!" I yelled, galloping to the lot and taking a flying leap over some shrubs. I jumped on top the running board of the car, leaning over to talk to the pony driving, "What in the hoof do you think you're doing?"
"I'm trying to leave," she told me, fooling with the stickshift. She looked up at me, "Oh, hey! It's you! Golfball guy!"
"My name is Silver Boulder," I growled.
"Well, hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!"
"NO!" I screamed at her, putting my hooves on the wheel.
"Hey! I just want to leave, but the car next to me is parked too close. Do you think you could move it for me?"
"Oh, you want me to move your car?" I asked, pointing at the next one over.
"If it's not too much trouble, but that's not my car. This is my car."
"No, this is my car!" I told her.
"Your golfball? Your car? Is there anything in the world that doesn't belong to you?"
I sighed, "Yes, thank Celestia, YOU!"
"Now ,now, don't lose your temper. Would you get off my running board?"
"THIS IS MY RUNNING BOARD!" I shrieked, pounding on the metal.
"Okay, fine! Stay right there!" She yanked on the stickshift, tearing out of the parking space. I held on for dear life as she swerved around a tree.
"BOULDER?!" shouted Mr. Green.
"I'LL SEE YOU IN A MINUTE, MR. GREEN!"