Chapter 6- I Am Twilight Sparkle
(Authors Note- Sorry this is a day late, I had a busy Saturday and right now I've been writing as much as I can. But anyways, please enjoy what I've got! Once again, thank you all for the support you've given me!)
It's been three weeks since the meeting with the two princesses, and so far little progress has been made. Morale is low, and I don't know how much more my mind can take.
"You need to focus harder Twilight," Luna said writing something down on her notepad, "You need to think about a memory, a heart wrenching memory that made you cry, something that has no comfort and happiness."
We were in my hospital room given to me by Princess Celestia. Princess Luna was sitting on a coach with a table next to her. A steaming mug that read, 'Dreams o' Joe' was stamped on. If Princess Luna needed something hot to drink, meant that it was going to be a rough night.
I stretched my neck and I closed my eyes.
Right now we're doing some mental exercises to get ready for my treatment today. Every night after the moon rises I would be here, sleeping till the break of day. The mental treatments were frustrating, I snapped a couple of times and I had mental break downs through these three weeks. Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie all came to haunt me. I don't know either to believe in the Princesses words or to believe in my own. My Care Taker has been looking after me more than ever, accompanying me to the dining room, the study, outside, and even to the bathroom!
I flinched as I created a spark in my horn, even the warm ups were difficult.
"Come on Twilight, you can do this. Just calm down, and block your magical pores in your horn. Once you've done that, we can begin the treatment."
I nodded my head and took a deep breath.
I placed myself where there was a gigantic canal where thousands of streams were flowing. The canal itself was the brain, and the thousands of streams were links to my body.
"Now all you need to do is find the connection to the horn, and block it with your mind." A voice sounded in my head.
I did as I was told and I wandered near the edge of the canal. There really was no way to know which stream was connected to which body part. So right now, it was all guess work.
A few minutes passed with me creating dams for the streams, but so far all of them failed. However, miraculously, I finally found the correct stream line and I proceeded out of my mind.
"Very good Twilight," Luna said clapping her hooves, "It took less time to block your magical pores this time."
"Sorry to sound disrespectful Princess, but mind if we speed this up a little bit? I kind of want to get this day over with…" I said laying on my back, "I had a rough day…"
Princess Luna nodded, "Then so be it."
The Princess wrote something down on her note book and then placed it down on the table next to her.
"Now to start this treatment off, you know the drill right?"
I nodded my head.
"Good, now imagine you're walking through a tunnel of moving images of your past. Present all your memories on the tunnel walls and search for the right one." Princess Luna said through the darkness of the room.
"I've been doing this for weeks Princess, I know the drill."
The Princess huffed, "Well you could at least say thank you!"
I smiled at the Princess and closed my eyes going to rest.
The next second I opened my eyes my vision was dark. There was no light, no texture, just utter darkness. I felt myself shiver to the things that might be behind me, ready to attack me and steal my sanity. The monsters, the demons that hid in your mind could attack you right now. But I learned not to be afraid…
I touched my forehead with my hoof and suddenly, there were dim lights flashing.
A tunnel with a brick cement like structure was lined with moving images. The first thing I saw was a memory with my brother, playing catch and eating an apple together. As much as I wanted to relive the memory, I had another objective to cover.
"Painful memory… Painful memory…" I said trotting through the ominous tunnel.
There were many ages to choose from, and as I walked through the tunnel of my past I came to realize just how far I came. I watched myself grow, from being a filly at the age of three, to the age of four, five, and then six…
I stopped at the beginning of my sixth year. The memory was pitch black and I just saw a filly Twilight yelling at a poster. I saw her become glum and sulk.
"This might be it…" I said to myself.
I placed a hoof on the memory and with a shimmer of light, I was gone.
I sat against my bed looking out the window and towards the sky. The sun was just about to rest with its last glow illuminating an orange and lavender effect just above the horizon. It was going to be night soon and I sat impatiently staring at the clock, 8:20p.m.
I sighed quietly while I let the darkness of my room start to consume me. The light was retreating as it allowed the night to take its place. My room was littered with posters and as you might've guessed, they were all famous scientists such as Albert Clopstien and Tort Newson. Their smiles that showed encouragement were suddenly turning sinister. Their eyes turned into frowns as I was forced to remember why I was here alone.
"Stop laughing at me!" I yelled, tossing a book towards the posters.
The book fell short and landed with a soft thud on the carpeting.
Tort Newson laughed, "You don't even know how to calculate gravity! How do you think you'll exist in this world? What are your thoughts Albert?"
"I dare say this young filly will never even make it out of elementary! Why, all these books are for little kitties!"
They both laughed, and laughed, and laughed. The flash backs from my past, being picked on, my brother leaving me behind, spending so much time alone, reaching my goals by myself… They came in waves and waves, tossing my mind back and forth
"I said shut up!" I finally snapped.
"Awww, is little missy wissy Twilly baby afraid of us?" Albert said pouting.
"I think it's cute to see her so mad!" said Newson.
"I'm not afraid!" I yelled back readying my magic, "I'm not afraid, I'm angry!"
Newson waved a hoof, "Psh, oh I'm sorry Ms. Sparkle! Maybe if you were a little smarter we would care to-"
I fired my magic at the damned poster and watched Newson burn.
The poster turned into ashes within seconds, its remnants tumbling down onto the floor.
"Do you want a piece of me to Albert!?" I yelled, readying my magic once again for another burst.
"Oh no, looks like we got a bad case of flank hurt scientist over here!"
I concentrated with all my might, but even with anger I couldn't fire another spell that like for a while. My horn released a small spark and I struggled to make it flair up again.
"See? I told you, you can't even do a basic spell! When I was your age I could perform advanced magic, do you think you'll EVER be Celestia's student?"
"I can! Watch me!"
"You didn't even receive your Cutie Mark yet-"
I leaped forward with all my might and placed a hoof against Albert in the poster.
"I WILL get my cutie mark, and I WILL be Celestia's student!"
Albert looked at me in the eye and gave me a cold stare. My burning heart extinguished itself, turning ice cold like I was looking at the devil.
"This…" he said pointing at me, "Is why nobody likes you… THIS is why everypony avoids you!"
I recoiled in terror, "No, that's not true! It's not my fault, you keep taunting me-"
"You're a nobody Twilight Sparkle! You're a worthless piece of-"
I tore the poster in half and watched the two pieces fall onto the floor. My breathing was heavy and beads of sweat started to form on my head. The poster no longer moved, it no longer talked, but the quote on the poster underneath Albert's face haunted me as the sun started to fall beneath the horizon.
'Imagination is more important than knowledge'
The clock ticked letting out a soft 'Cacoo' as a small bird popped in and out of the clock.
Though I didn't even care to look at the clock behind me, I knew what time it was.
There was a soft knock on my door and I snapped out of my trance. The knock came again this time a little louder and a feminine voice sounded out.
"Twilight," The voice said, "Can I enter your room?"
I looked up from the poster and I nodded to no one in particular, "Yes, come in…"
There was a small click of the door and a mare with a grey coat and a purple and white mane entered the room. Her horn glowed white as she hovered something decorated with candles. As she continued to trot towards me slowly, the candles illuminated her smiling face.
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!" she said as she kept trotting, "Happy birthday dear Twilight Sparkle!"
She came up to me and placed the cake down on the floor and gave me a hug, "Happy birthday to…"
She took a small breath and whispered the last word, "You…"
She started to cuddle and nuzzle me. I felt a small smile creep up against my face and I returned the favor.
"Thanks mom…" I said looking at her.
"You've grown so much, my little Twilight!" Mom said rubbing my head, "I'm really proud of you. You're a big girl now!"
"I'm only six mom, I still got a long way to go!"
"Oh yeah of course! You want to become the student of Princess Celestia don't you?"
I felt my smile slowly fade away and become replaced with a frown. I glared at the posters that I've destroyed. The words that those two said to me replayed in my head over and over again, "How do you think you'll exist in this world?"
"Maybe if you were a little smarter..."
"Do you think you'll EVER be Celestia's student?"
"THIS is why everypony avoids you!"
I glanced at the floor and my mother took notice.
"What's the matter?" she asked.
"I..." I said, swallowing a lump in my throat, "I don't think... I don't think I can become Celestia's student anymore..."
"Nonsense," Mom said, "You've been working hard ever since you learned how to walk and-"
"And you've been working hard ever since I did learn how to walk..."
My mother's mouth was wide open as she realized I just cut her off. I don't normally do this, for me I allow others to finish talking what they want to say. Then I would reply, like a good little pony. But with all that has happened to me, I couldn't hold back...
"You've been working hard... Maybe a little too hard mom…"
She still hugged me with me on her lap, but her hooves seemed to loosen up a little.
"You're never in the house anymore, you always leave the house even before I wake up in the morning! It hurts mom... It hurts to not see you, or even say good morning to you, or even have a family breakfast together..."
"I-I'm sorry honey," Mom stuttered, "I-I just-"
"But worst of all, it's not even you or dad that wakes me up but my tutor!"
Mom stayed silent as the candles on the cake slowly melted away, getting on top of the dark frosting.
For a few seconds, silence filled the room. The candles created large shadows on the walls of my Mom and I. I rested my head against her shoulder and I felt like crying, but there were no more room for tears.
"Mom...?" I said staring at the cake.
She looked at me with tired eyes and smiled, "Yes sweety?"
I turned my head to look away from her and instead, stared at her elbow, "When is daddy coming back?"
"I don't know sweety..." Mom replied, "He usually comes after your bed time-"
"When is brother coming back?"
Mom paused for a few seconds, than replied, "I don't know..."
"Then can I ask you one more question?"
My Mom sighed, "Sure, why not?"
I tapped my hooves together nervously knowing that this question will hurt her more than it would hurt me. But I just needed to confirm my thoughts, "Why, after three years would you come and celebrate my birthday today?"
"It's just…" Mom stared into my eyes and her face became downcast.
She knew why and she knew I knew why.
"Work sweety… That's why your father and I are never home."
I nodded my head and laid down on Mom's lap.
"I'm sorry for saying the same excuse over and over again but you know it's true. I love you honey, I really do love you more than anything-"
"A wise pony once said that you can do everything for your filly. Give them money, food, shelter, and a great future. But what your children need most is not what you give them, but to show them who you are."
Mom shook her head, "I don't understand Twilight. What do you mean?"
I looked at the candles that are now half the height they were before.
"It means what a child needs more is a good mother, a good father!"
Mom stayed silent, the light started to dim down as each candle stick started to fade away. One by one they disappeared, six candles turned to five and five candles turned to four. Darkness shrouded the entire room until only one candle remained on the cake.
"You're never there for me Mom…" I said breaking the silence, "I just don't know where to go, and I don't know where to turn. I get bullied by other ponies every time I try to play with them. They call me stupid, they call me a nothing. I can't do anything right they told me…"
The last standing candle was about to die and I could feel the once warm heat turning cold just like my heart. Flashbacks of the past came erupted from my mind,
I rushed out of the house, excited about going to the playground to play in the sandbox, to slide on the slide, and eat my snack of apple slices on the grassy field.
"Today is going to be fun!" I yelled out loud.
I didn't stop trotting until I made it to my destination. I weaved through people left and right occasionally saying sorry as I bumped on someponies rump. It was a beautiful sunny day and who doesn't want to go out and play in the weather? The sky was cloudless and as I entered the playground area, birds chirped and bugs hummed. The sound of little fillies screaming and laughing filled the air.
My eyes grew wide in excitement. I've never been to a playground before and this was my first time. I heard about it from my brother about how you can play on different things and how you can play with other ponies too.
A group of ponies were playing with a ball and I grinned, "Hey guys!"
I rushed over there and stood a few feet away from where they were playing.
"Can I play too?"
The group continued to play not even looking at my direction, they all laughed and kept kicking and bouncing the ball.
I wasn't going to give up yet, I wanted to play! Maybe they just didn't hear me?
"Hey guys!" I said a little bit louder, "Can I play with you!?"
This time a colt looked at me and then rolled his eyes. He turned his head around and continued to play with the others, forgetting that I ever existed.
I felt myself becoming a little frustrated but I yelled one last time.
"Can you guys hear me!? Can I play ball with you-"
One filly kicked the ball and fell on her back. The ball went sailing into the air and landed on a tree. The ponies moaned as they looked at the ball that was now stuck in the tree. A pegasus in the group tried flying, but his small wings flapped uselessly into the air.
"Aww man," a colt whined as he stomped his hooves, "Now what are we going to do?"
"It's all her fault for kicking the ball on the tree!" A pony yelled in the group.
"I-It wasn't me!" She protested, "It was because of… Of…"
She looked towards my direction and pointed her hoof at me, "It's because of her! She yelled out something and got me distracted!"
"Yeah I remember that girl," a colt said, "She's the one that yelled if she can play!"
It was the colt that rolled his eyes at me. I don't know what was going on but I knew it was something bad. Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt somebody precious to them?
"H-Hey guys!" I said nervously, "I-I well… I just wanted to play so I… I just you know, said it out loud and- But it wasn't my fault!"
"Like Celestia it wasn't your fault! Thanks to you we can't play anymore, now we got to find another ball!"
"But isn't there anything else we can do-"
The colt laughed, "We? Whoever said you can play with us?"
"I- Who said I can't play with you guys!?"
"Well you made me get the ball stuck in the tree so I don't want to play with you!" The filly said as she stomped her hoof on the grassy ground.
All the other ponies in the group mumbled and murmured in agreement. I felt getting a little hot headed, I wasn't going to back down just yet.
"Fine!" I yelled, "I know a way to get the ball off the tree and I WAS going to, but I guess never mind!"
I started trotting away from them and I headed for the swing set. Half way towards my destination, the colt called out "Wait!"
I stopped in my tracks and turned around to see him flustered and embarrassed, "I-I-W-We'll let you play with us if you can get the ball…"
I smiled in the fruits of my success and I trotted back over. I went face to face with the tree and stared at it, however, all I did was stare at it. I didn't realize I would get this far, I was such an idiot for thinking I can do this.
"What's the hold up?" The colt said, "Aren't you going to get the ball?"
"Y-Yeah, just give me a second!"
I started to flow magic through my horn and I felt beads of sweat start to form on my forehead. I wasn't ready for the early stages of releasing magic, but I did watch my older brother Shining Armor do this spell.
I felt myself being levitated upwards towards the sky, the breeze of the winds and the rustling of the leaves kept me calm and focused. Down below me the group of ponies gasped in awe, all of them becoming speechless to what I was doing. Even for me this was a miracle!
I opened my eyes slowly to see I've just become level with the ball.
'Finally, they'll let me play with them!' I thought to myself.
However, that small thought proved to be my downfall. I became too excited and I felt my magic fade away from my body. I grabbed hold of the ball and I started hurtling towards the ground. I hugged the ball tightly as I turned over to use it as a cushion to soften my fall.
I let out a loud "Umph!" when I landed on the ground. The ball saved me, but it popped when I landed a few feet away from the tree.
All the ponies gathered around me with their mouths still open agape. I dusted myself off as I got up. I got a few scratches and bruises here and there but it was fine. It wasn't any major physical pain.
"So…" I said holding up a few pieces of the popped ball, "Here's um… Here's your ball…"
I placed the last remains of the ball in front of me. For a few seconds there was silence as each pony looked at each other left and right. Though one pony in the crowd started to chuckle, it became contagious and soon everypony in the group started to giggle. The giggling suddenly erupted into laughter and the colt approached me with tears in his eyes.
"Wow you sure did get the ball! I thought unicorns were supposed to be smart! Are you one of those stupid unicorns you dunce?"
"Wha- I'm not stupid! The sun was in my eyes and it broke my concentration that's all!"
"Do it again then!" One of the ponies yelled.
I huffed loudly and I charged my magic into my horn again, but instead of having a calm feeling I felt my mind becoming cold. I concentrated with all my might but nothing came out.
"Wow, look at this loser! She's such a good for nothing, looks like it was a fluke!"
Everypony started to laugh even harder, pointing at me.
"S-Stop it!" I yelled out.
"Aww is little missy wissy unicorn baby afraid of us?"
"I'm not afraid! I'm just angry!" I replied.
"She's such a good for nothing, noponies ever going to play with her!"
"Stop…" I said faintly.
They just kept laughing.
"Stop laughing!"
Their giggles, their laughter, it haunted me. I felt like my sanity was being drained away, my own existence was fading…
"STOP!"
"Twilight…"
My eyes snapped back open as I came back to reality. I was still in my room and the last candle was just about dead.
I stared at my mom but kept silent.
"Do you know why your father and I named you Twilight?"
For once I shook my head, I never even thought of this question before. Nor did Mom ever ask me this.
"Well you were born at twilight so that's a start," Mom said staring out the window, "But at the same time, I saw a bright star shining near the setting sun.
"It's rather rare to see a star actually shine when there is even a spec of sunlight left. But soon I thought, as I watched the sun set. It created colors that only appear at that specific time. Do you know what I think twilight means?"
I closed my eyes then popped then open again, "Twilight is the soft glowing light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, caused by the reflection of the sun's rays from the atmosphere right?"
My Mom giggled, "Yes that… Though to me, twilight is also a symbol of rest. When the heat of the day becomes still and you're left with the cool night. The stars above glow and create a beautiful atmosphere of peace. A light when times are rough, and when all seems lost.
"That's why I named you Twilight, a peaceful glowing star in the darkness."
"But I'm still alone Mom…" I said cradling into a ball, "How can I be a glowing star if my life is so dark?"
My Mom smiled, "You'll see through time Twilight" She said brushing my hair.
"You'll see…"
With that final word, the candle extinguished itself, and I couldn't remember what happened next… But I felt like I had hope, hope to live up to my name.
Twilight Sparkle…
I heard the birds sing as I came back to my senses. The morning glow of the sun shined faintly towards my direction, its orange yellow glow creeping up from behind the horizon. I sat upright when I heard the door of the chamber open and close silently.
"Oh goodness, you're awake!"
I stared at the doorway to see the Princess of the sun trot towards me. I couldn't help but feel relieved to see my teacher the first thing in the morning. Normally it would be Princess Luna that greets me as I wake up but because of this small change, I knew it was going to be a beautiful morning. With the birds chirping early and the memory that I just revisited, I felt a smile creep up in my face and the Princess chuckled taking notice.
"It's rare to see you smile in the morning Twilight."
I smiled back, "Yeah it is, isn't it?"
Celestia levitated a spare blanket from a closet in the far side of the room and covered it over Princess Luna who was snoozing on the coach.
"Did your therapy session go well last night?"
"Well…" I started, "I didn't find the correct memory I was looking for… The memory had a happy ending to it I think, it needs to be sadder though. Or so Luna says."
"Care to tell me what happened?" said Celestia curiously.
I looked at the rising sun and I chuckled, "Sure why not? But can we talk about it over a cup of tea?"
"I don't see why not…"
I stared off into the sunrise and I knew that I couldn't give up here. I could be a stronger person, and I wasn't going to let this burden hinder me. I have to get better, I have to get stronger. Because through my story, through my life I needed to be a beacon of hope, a star that shines bright through the darkest of all night skies.
I am Twilight Sparkle…