//------------------------------// // Prologue: F**k my life(s) // Story: My Life as a Hybrid // by ChaosDoomscythe //------------------------------// My Life as a Hybrid By ChaosDoomscythe/Doomscythe01 Prologue: F**k my live(s). Actual Prologue Title: Fuck my live(s). Fuck them up the ass sideways without lube… Wait, no! THOSE ARE MY LIVES WE’RE TALKING ABOUT! DON’T DO IT! NO! NOOOOO!!! AAAAAAAAAGH, FUCK!!! Ugh…. Where do I even begin with this? I guess I should probably start with where the hay I am right now. In the middle of a cold, damp, ugly as all fuck cell in the Canterlot Royal Dungeons. Honestly, I don't see what's so royal about the place. Fact is, the most royal thing about this place is probably the hole in the ground I’m supposed to use to take a dump. That shit hole (HA!) hasn’t been cleaned in years… if the dead pony skeleton lying nearby is any indication. And have I mentioned how ungodly that thing smells?! Oh, I’m sorry,I keep using the incorrect terms for my current life. Let me correct myself. And have I mentioned how horribly deadly that thing smells?! It's absolutely disgusting man. I mean, seriously, I cannot even begin to describe how horribly bad that thing smells over there. It smells that friggin' horrendous. Seriously, the guards that dropped me in here were wearing some seriously powerful magically enchanted gas masks, and the moment they dumped me in here, they still turned tail and ran as though their lives depended on it! I swear, I saw one of their faces turn green, and after they closed the door to the cellblock, I could've sworn I heard someone puking their guts out. Guess those masks didn’t really do crap (hehe) for the smell that came from that demon hole. It could probably kill the residents of Tartarus. Guess I know how Bones over there died. So glad I can turn off my sense of smell at will. Yeah, I can do that. Can turn off my sense of taste too. I kinda don't need them when I can survive on emotions, you know. I mean, I can totally use them if I wanted too, but when all they fed you is essentially mush, you either eat that crud or you survive off the ambient positive emotions lingering in the air. Not that there's much down here, but, I make do. Can't say I'm not hungry though. I'm actually starving, but I wouldn't dare risk eating the horrible food they give me, nor risk killing myself from the horrible stench in the air. So glad to be part changeling. Also hating the fact that I'm part changeling. But I'm getting ahead of myself. So, basically, I’m sitting in this messed up, run down, stinky as all hell prison cell with a dead pony skeleton lying about 3 feet next to me. Eeyup. This is totally Shitsville. So, you’re probably wondering how in the hell I ended up in this situation, aren’t you? Well, I guess I should explain things from the beginning. It all started when a certain man fell in love with a certain woman. They got jiggie with it and about nine months later, I was born. Yes, I said a man and a woman. Strange, isn't it? You, know, maybe I should explain this a little better. See, I used to be a human, which is why sometimes I still get mixed up with the custom sayings and phrases here. Like, instead of saying something like 'Dear, God! There’s an octopus screwing a bear in my tub!' I’d have to say, 'Dear, Luna! There’s an octopus screwing your sister in my tub!' Or, you know, some other such stuff like that. (Yeah, in case you haven’t noticed, I maybe-kinda-sorta absolutely despise old Sun Butt with most every ounce of my being. But there’s a reason for that, and I’ll get to it later. Probably.) Anyway, like I said. I was as a human. (As for what I am now, I’ll get to that later. Unless you read the description beforehand, in which case, you already know.) I was, at the age of 21, a 6’2’’ black (or African American for you technical douchebags out there) young man with short curly black hair and a rather toned body. Not really toned, just to the point you could see my muscles. I didn’t need to be uber buff, just strong enough to protect what I needed to protect, while also being fast enough to dodge shit when necessary. By the way, learning to dodge was a bitch. I mean, the number of times I got hit in the face with a wrench was utter bullshit. I swear my brother was enjoying screaming 'DOOOOOOOOOOOODGE!' at me way too much. Moving on. So, I was born to a regular, middle class family. Born and raised by my mom with my big brother always there looking out for me, with me, in return, annoying the ever-living shit out of him. Good times……… Aaaaaand I’m sad now. I miss those times. I graduated from high school with mediocre grades, just good enough to get me into college. It’s not that I wasn't smart, quite the contrary in fact. I was actually, incredibly smart. I was just always too lazy to apply myself. The only things I actually excelled at was P.E. (Cause, I mean, come on. Who the fuck fails in gym class?) and wood shop/construction class (cause I liked to cut stuff up and build things with the remains. ...What?). My grades had been just good enough to get me into college, but I didn’t really get too far there, cause I decided to be lazy. As I quickly discovered, they take things a lot more seriously. So, I flunked out, and got a cruddy job at a cruddy fast food restaurant (Seriously, how the hell does a pizza joint run out of pizzas? Seriously? Someone tell me how. I wanna know). I was also a big sports fan, and I spent a lot of my time exercising by walking long distances or riding on my bike. I had finally managed to save up enough money to go to a baseball game, one I had been meaning to see for such a long time, I was saving for months to be able to go. I was so excited to be able to go see my favorite team play. And then my happy mood got crushed when, lo and behold, the fucktards at my job screwed up my schedule. So, after a day of bad moods, stupid customers, and screaming my head off at the incompetent jackasses that were my managers, I managed to rush out of there on my bike heading for the stadium. I could still make it, the game would almost be over, but I could still make it for the last few runs. At least, that's what I had hoped. I had been so focused on getting there, though I didn’t see the train coming full tilt at me till it blew its loud horn. By then, it was basically too late. I had just enough time to jump forward off my bike, but I didn’t make it entirely out of the way. The train crashed into my lower body. Now, you’d think, I’d go tumbling off of the train, few broken bones, and lots of pain, right? Could totally survive that! Might be crippled for life, but at least I’d still be alive and all that. Could’ve totally been grateful for all those dodging lessons I got from my big bro. No. No, that’s not what happened. I wish it was, but it wasn’t. No, instead, Fate, or Destiny, or, maybe even my favorite role model, Death itself (yes, I’m freakishly weird like that) decided to be a jackass and fuck up my life by having the train crash into my bike (may it forever rest in pieces), which twisted the handle bars juuuuuuust enough for them to catch on my foot. So, when the bike got run over and mangled to its metaphorical death, guess who got dragged down with it. That’s right, it was Bones! No, but really, unfortunately, it was me. I got dragged down, my lower body got slammed into the train, before it was pulled under it by the bike, and then I got run over. The lower half of my body had been completely severed from the upper half. T’was a bloody mess, it was! The upper half of my body luckily rolled away from the carnage and wreckage, but ended up in a very bloody heap a few feet away from the tracks. Now, you’d think having your body torn in half would be instant death, right? Well, in my case, it was FUCKING WRONG! THAT SHIT HURT LIKE A MOTHER! I mean, seriously, it was as if my whole world erupted in pain, as if my entire body had become molten lava, and it hurt! It just hurt so much! Why wasn’t I dead!? I should’ve been dead from this! WHY IN TARTARUS WAS I STILL ALIVE!? As I had been groaning on the ground and coughing up blood in my pain induced delirium, I hadn’t noticed the conductor of the train stop it to come check up on me, as well as the many passengers that were on it. They had all gathered around to take pictures, call the ambulance and medics and anyone else of importance who was supposed to be there. I never realized this, I was too busy, you know, dying. I was also too busy lamenting certain things. You know, mostly stuff like why I was still alive and in so much freakin' pain. Stuff like that. So, it turns out, I really didn’t work all that far from my house. In fact, it had been a block away from the accident, so my mom and bro heard the major commotion when it happened, and like everyone else, they came to check up on what happened. It… It hadn’t been a pretty site. My mom was nearly hysterical when she saw me. Lower half of my body gone, what’s left of my entrails slowly falling out of me, coughing up blood. She was crying loudly, she shoved the paramedics out of the way and crouched above me, holding my head and trying to get me to focus on her. My brother joined her, tears silently falling down his face as he looked down upon my sad form. This went on for several minutes, before she felt my body start going cold in her hands, even as the paramedics were working as best they could to do anything to save me. As I felt my body finally becoming numb, the pain began to fade. I could focus, if only a little. The amount of blood lost had seriously affected me, but I was of mind enough to say one last thing. Coughing, and nearly chocking on the blood coming out of my mouth, I weakly turned my head towards my mom, looked her in the eyes, and struggled to get out what I knew would be my last words. “*cough cough, HACK, gaaasp* Mom….*gasp* …..I ….. *cough*……Love….*gasp*….” THWACK! The last word had been cut off by the sound of a heavy object striking against something, followed by an entire stadium’s worth of cheering. It seems as though Fate, or Destiny, or maybe even Death (who had probably been trying to figure out how the hell I wasn’t dead yet, just as I was) decided to be an even bigger jackass and put me out of my misery. As my eyes began rolling into the back of my head, I caught a glimpse of something. It was small white, round object that seemed to be getting bigger by the second. Pretty soon, I could make out what it was. So the last thing I thought as a human was….. ‘Yay…. they… got a home… run…’ Home run was fucking right. Whoever the batter was, I’m forever labeling him as the luckiest fucker in the goddamn world. Dude struck that thing out of the park on a direct path towards my face. THWACK! I shot up in my crib bringing my holed hooves to my forehead screaming out, “OWWWW, THA’ BOOKIN’ HAART”!!!! I paused immediately after that happened after I heard that high-pitched squeaky voice. My brain was struggling to comprehend what the fuck I just heard. Then I realized I had hooves. No, not hands. Hooves. ................. ...................................... ...................................................... WHAT?! I pulled my hooves away from my face and looked at them, eyes wide. I had hooves. I. Had. Hooves. I. Had. HOOVES! I looked further down. Black body. Not normal, human skin tone black. I mean I was pitch black. Like....like a bugs shell kinda pitch black. i had another set of holy hooves where my feet used to be. In between my legs was a spiky silver grey tail. And I was short. Like really short. Oh, and did I mention I was wearing a diaper? Why was I wearing a diaper? ! I felt something unusual flutter around on my back. I turned to look at them. Short, stubby wings that looked like a cross between a bat's wings and an insects wings. You know, with the membranes and all that? For the life of me, I couldn't comprehend this. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME?!?!?!?!?!? Quick, Brain! Status Report! The fuck is gong on?! Shit be whack, yo! I got nothin' on this. You're on you own! Well, my mind had been fucked. Like heavily fucked. Like uber royally fucked! This was like… like… the Greatest Mind Rape Ever... of all time. Seeing as how my mind couldn’t understand, or comprehend, why I suddenly had hooves, wings, was really short, was wearing a diaper, and was NO LONGER HUMAN when the last thing I remember was bleeding my guts out near the side of railroad tracks surrounded by hundreds of people, I figured it would probably be a good idea to try to focus on something else. I looked around. It was then I immediately noticed something. There was pink all around me. on all the walls. Who needs this much friggin pink? I mean, seriously, least there's a little blue in here. Wait.... why are there a bunch of objects hanging from the ceiling that look like they belong in a child’s nursery? And what the hell was I lying in? … … … Is this a crib? And that’s when I heard the sound of at least twenty or so other babies screaming out in irritation because I interrupted their naptime. Stupid babies! Couldn’t they see I was in the middle of a mind-fuck crisis here?! Wait….. those aren’t regular babies..... Those are foals...... as in.... pony foals...... Ponies....... … What? “Wah?” I looked around frantically. I was surrounded by babies. Crying, screaming, shitting themselves silly babies. I looked directly in front of me. There was a wall with a glass panel. On the other side of the glass was what looked like a silver-grey male dragon and a… strange looking female black pegasus that looked like it was part…changeling? There was also an orange unicorn wearing a white coat. All three of them were looking at me with eyes wide and mouths parted in a classic ‘what-the fuck?’ face. Suddenly, I burped, and a plume of black, red and green fire shot out of my mouth. It set my crib on fire, but despite the flames coming out 3 different colors, the fire only burned a dark green. My own face adapted the classic ‘what the fuck?’ look. And in a sudden moment of clarity, I realized where I was, and more importantly, what I was. I was some kinda hybrid baby. I could breathe fire. I was lying in a (burning) crib. I was in a room surrounded on all sides by crying foals and pink walls. … …No.... … …No, no, nooo.... … “Ssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.” Fuck. My. Life.