//------------------------------// // All Under Control. No, Really. // Story: Cauldron Club // by Biplane //------------------------------// "Zecora! So nice to see you! I admit I was really hoping you'd want to come! I'm sure a pony with as much knowledge as you have will have lots to share!" Twilight greeted her first guest with a bright smile. Zecora returned the smile to her friend. Optimistically, she hoped this night would never end. "Thank you dear friend, if knowledge is money then I'm here to spend." Twilight helped bring Zecora's impressive cauldron inside. It was a Canterworks Z28 Broadbase. Custom. What a beaut! Clearly, Zecora was a mare who knew her cauldrons. They chatted pleasantly over snacks and tea for a couple minutes (and Twilight continued playing her secret game of trying to trap Zecora into saying "orange"), when a second knock came at the door. Twilight got up to answer it, sipping at her tea as she headed to the door. "Twilight Sparkle." Twilight spat out her tea in a textbook spit-take, drenching the pony in front of her in earl grey. Trixie frowned, pulling wet mane out of her eyes with a nonchalant tug of her telekinesis. "T- Trixie?! What are you doing here?!" "This is the night of the alchemy club, isn't it? The Great and Powerful Trixie merely wishes to participate!" Twilight eyed her flatly. "Don't you mean the 'Great and Apologetic' Trixie?" Trixie waved her hoof impatiently. "Yes, yes, of course. Trixie is simply here to make friends and relax." "You. Are here to make friends." Trixie nodded. "Mhm!" "At my alchemy club. In my house." "Oh don't be like that! Trixie assures you she has no ulterior motives!" "We can rest easy knowing that, there are no tricks under your wizard's hat." Twilight wasn't sure how someone who spoke in rhyme could sound sarcastic, but Zecora did a bang-up job. Twilight sighed. Maybe Trixie really was trying. Maybe it wasn't fair of her to give Trixie a hard time like this. Though, on the other hoof, Trixie was a sort of ex-dictator with a personal grudge, so some paranoia was perhaps prudent. "Okay, Trixie. Come on in. We've got cookies and tea on the table." Twilight's baby dragon assistant, Spike, nearly dropped the cookie tray he was bringing out from the kitchen. "Trixie?!" Twilight and Trixie nodded in unison. "Trixie," they both said, in very different tones of voice. Spike opened his mouth to say something, then shrugged and walked back into the kitchen, muttering words that might have included "bad" and "idea." "Oh! Trixie nearly forgot! Trixie has brought gifts!" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Gifts?" Trixie waved a hoof, "It's the least I can do after you both helped free me from that awful Alicorn Amulet!" Trixie managed to use the word "awful" as though describing a delicious and decadent dessert. "For you, Zecora! To replace your doorstop!" Trixie hoofed the zebra a hefty, flat rock, painted with a picture of Trixie in her trademark showmare pose, with fireworks behind her. Ornate, golden paint across the top read "G&PT." The whole thing was covered in glitter. Zecora stared at it. She decided finally that raising her eyebrow was the most appropriate reaction. "It's a limited edition Trixie doorstop! Autographed!" Trixie said, grinning obliviously. "I've got tons of them in my new wagon! I make them myself!" "I would have never guessed," Zecora deadpanned, "Thank you for the thoughtful bequest," she finished, diplomatically. "And Twilight Sparkle! To show her magnanimous nature, and that she bears no grudge against you for the humiliation, the property destruction," (Twilight silently reflected that the phrase "property destruction" was coming up an awful lot around her lately), "Or the theft of personal property legally purchased, Trixie presents a very special present!" Trixie levitated a shirt over to Twilight. Shirts were difficult to wear for ponies, and often considered impractical attire. This one had a picture of Trixie smiling (smirking, really), with a message in ink over it, reading: "Don't give up on your dreams, Twilight Sparkle! -TG&P Trixie" "Ah. Um. It's very nice, Trixie, thank you," Twilight smiled politely. "You're both very lucky! This merchandise isn't cheap! And yours are autographed! That usually costs extra!" Thankfully any impending awkwardness was interrupted by another knock. Twilight and Zecora practically raced each other to answer it. It was the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "Girls?" Twilight said, confused. "Did you need a book or something? I'm having my Cauldron Club meeting tonight, but I can grab a book if you need one." "Naw Twilight," said Apple Bloom. "We're here for the club!" Twilight felt her blood run cold. "You are?" "Yeah!" said Scootaloo, pumping her hoof in the air and buzzing her tiny wings. "We're gonna get our cutie marks in alchemy!" The thought filled Twilight with faint terror. Zecora's eyes widened perceptibly. "You three?" said she. "Alchemy?!" The CMC's reputation for chaos was well-earned and widespread. More energy and excitement than caution and forethought with these three. They were good fillies, though. Twilight's eyes narrowed slightly. "Did you get permission?" The Crusaders exchanged glances, weighing the best choice of answer silently. "Yyyyes?" Sweetie Bell tried, smiling innocently, her eyes wide. So. Adorable. Gah! "I happen to know for a fact that the last thing Applejack wants you playing with, Apple Bloom, are potions. And after the Hearts and Hooves Day incident, I'm not sure any of you should be playing with potions." "Aww," said Sweetie, her adorable little face falling, her disappointment piercing Twilight's poor heart like an arrow. The other two Crusaders followed suit. Sweetie's lower lip quavered. Twilight sighed. "...But I do have a nice, safe beginner's kit you can use. Come on in, girls." The disappointment washed off their expressions instantly, gone without a trace. "Yay!" the three fillies said in unison, trotting happily inside. They stopped short when they saw Trixie on Twilight's couch. "Trixie?" the three said simultaneously, shooting Twilight a questioning glance. Twilight and Trixie nodded. "Trixie," they both said, in very different tones of voice. The CMC glanced at each other, then shrugged and went over to the table, mowing into the cookies with a vengeance. There was a crash as a polychromatic blur burst in through an open window and smashed into a bookcase. "Rainbow Dash! Don't you ever use a door?" The pegasus laughed as she extricated herself from the pile of books that had fallen on top of her. "Not if I can help it! A pony as awesome as me deserves a flashier entrance than that, Twilight!" Twilight resisted the urge to roll her eyes, failed, and then rolled her eyes. "Nothing 'awesome-er' than crashing into a bookcase." Rainbow blinked. "'Awesome-er' isn't a word, Twilight. I'd have thought you knew that, being an egghead and all." Twilight facehooved. "Indeed, Twilight Sparkle! Trixie knew that, of course!" "Yeah, Twilight," Rainbow said, nodding in agreement with Trixie. "Even Trixie knew that!" A pause. "Wait... Trixie?!" Twilight and Trixie nodded. "Trixie," they both said, in very different tones of voice. A knock came at the door. The guests are appearing quickly now, Twilight thought happily, and she answered the door. It was a bear. "Ahhhh!" Twilight shrieked, jumping back, magic flaring defensively in her horn. "Oh dear, I'm sorry. Did we frighten you? I'm sorry," came a soft voice. "Are we late? Oh I hope we're not late, Twilight. I was running a bit behind feeding the bunnies and I..." "Uh... no!" Twilight shook her head, recovering. Of course. Fluttershy. Well if this bear was one of her friends, then Twilight trusted completely that he would be on his best behavior. Fluttershy peeked her yellow and pink head around the bear. "This is Poncy Vurpawven, Twilight. Poncy, this is Twilight Sparkle, my dear friend." Poncy gave a polite rumbling growl that, if one had had their head turned just so, might have sounded like somepony belching the word "charmed." "I'd like to make a potion for him and his bear friends, and I would love to have some help with it!" "Of course! Come on in, Fluttershy! Come on in... Poncy." They did. "Trix-" Fluttershy began, stopping short as see noticed the blue mare sitting on the sofa. "Yes. Yes. Trixie is here. Yes." Twilight said, terminating the running gag. Geez. Twilight is no fun sometimes. "Hello, Buttershy!" Trixie said in what was for her a friendly tone, apparently having forgotten Fluttershy’s actual name. "Um. Yes. Um. Hi. Trixie," Fluttershy said, not wanting to correct her. Zecora leaned in to Fluttershy, muttering, "She's acting weird and strange. Part of me wonders if she may truly have changed." Fluttershy smiled, considering that to be good news. Zecora, on the other hand, was finding "nice Trixie" to be deeply disturbing. Seeing Trixie trying to make friends she found profoundly unnerving. Poncy was sipping tea politely with the Crusaders, his pinkie claw extended just so as he held the small cup daintily. A few other ponies showed up in short order: Carrot Top brought her cooking cauldron ("I'm sorry, it's all I had"), Berry Punch stopped by (she seemed confused that this was not, in fact, a brewer's club, and pressed the point when it was explained to her that it was an alchemy club that "There wasn't really much difference if you thought about it," which Twilight grudgingly had to admit was true), and Lyra and Bon-Bon brought along Bon-Bon's fondue pot (Lyra apparently had an interest in polymorph potions, and had been excited by the possibilities when she saw Twilight’s flyer; Bon-Bon had, of course, been dragged along for the ride). Pinkie Pie simply emerged from a potted plant, then turned and pulled a GypsyBrew 900 out of another. Nopony gave any second thought to this violation of all natural physical laws. Because Pinkie Pie. . . . The potion-making began! It was a fun and friendly affair. All seemed to be going well as the potions makers brewed and chatted with each other, offering advice, small talk, or even just gossip. In a far corner of the room, Trixie sat with her modest ("Dazzling!") cauldron, a bit away from the group. She surreptitiously flipped through a book she had steathily levitated off of Twilight's bookshelves, looking for that spell she had heard so much about in her time in Ponyville... ah! There it was! Now... to figure out how to turn it into a potion... there was no way she had the power to cast the spell as it was, not that anypony could ever know she had admitted that to herself, of course! Anyway... hmm... it looked like she just had to... "How is it going, Trixie?" Twilight said, coming up behind her. Trixie jumped and made a noise somewhere between a whinny and a squawk. She quickly hid the book under her cape. "Oh! Twilight Sparkle! Trixie was just... I was thinking I might make something... to restore some of the luster to Trixie's mane! Yes! The glory of the stage does sometimes wreak havoc upon my lush, conditioned locks!" Twilight winced once again at Trixie's awkward lack of modesty. "Yes. Well. I hope you're having fun," Twilight said, starting over. "I know we have a history together, and we haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but... well, I'm really glad you came," Twilight smiled. Trixie wasn't sure what to say to this. It made her feel... uncomfortably warm inside her heart. She fell back on familiar ground, recovering, "Trixie's greatness can sometimes be difficult for other ponies to accept. Trixie has forgiven, Twilight Sparkle! The past is behind us now." The faintest hint of annoyance passed over Twilight's features for a brief instant, but she remained smiling and polite. Twilight was a pony with a strong capacity for friendliness, after all, though it had taken her years to realize it herself. Trixie was just being... well, Trixie. Give her time, Twilight thought to herself. "Well, I hope your potion works out, Trixie! I'm going to go see how Carrot Top is doing!" Twilight turned and left, heading over towards the yellow and orange mare. She didn't hear Trixie softly cackling to herself as she started mixing, "Soon. Soon! Hahahaha!" "Hello, Carrot Top! How are you doing?" "Oh! Twilight! I... I'm not really sure. This is all pretty new to me," she said, nervously. "Oh, you don't have to worry! We're not here to judge you! This is just for fun!" "Oh, I know Twilight, and thank you for saying so. I just can't help but feel I'm the least experienced pony in the room, here." "Well, maybe I can help! What are you going to try to make?" "Oh, well I read about a potion that can um..." Carrot Top trailed off into silence. There were shades of Fluttershy in this one. Twilight smiled gently, encouraging her to continue. "You see, after Derpy took me flying that one time, and it was wonderful, I started to think how the other third lives." Twilight blinked for a moment. "Other third...? ...Wait, you mean unicorns?" Carrot Top nodded. "And I read about a simple potion that can give earth ponies a little telekinesis magic for a short time," she said, "I-it isn't unicorn envy, or anything like that!" she said quickly. "I'm proud of being an earth pony! I just want to see what it's like, you know?" Twilight nodded. She was glad Carrot Top had brought up unicorn envy. Earth ponies had so much to be proud of, but occasionally they did develop complexes about not being able to fly or do unicorn magic. Twilight was glad Carrot Top had shot that idea down herself, it would have been rude for Twilight to bring it up. "I understand, Carrot Top. I hope it works! I've never tried that potion myself!" Twilight winced, realizing that of course she hadn't. "I mean, uh..." Carrot Top smiled. "No, it's okay, Twilight. Thank you." Twilight breathed a quick sigh. How rude that had almost been! This called for a quick change of subject! "So it's too bad Applejack couldn't make it tonight, but she wanted me to tell you the family loved that carrot cake you made for them!" "I'm glad! I know my baking is nothing compared to her or Pinkie Pie or the Cakes, but it's always nice to share with your neighbors! That's what I was taught, anyway." What a nice pony, Twilight thought. "Well Carrot Top, I'd better check on the Crusaders." Carrot Top winced knowingly, memories of "Cutie Mark Crusaders gardiners, yay!" dancing horrifyingly through her mind. "Twilight, we cain't decide what to make! These're all borin'!" Apple Bloom said, flipping through the beginner's recipe book as Twilight approached. "Yeah, these are potions for babies!" Scootaloo chipped in. "I don't know, I like this one," Sweetie Belle said, pointing her hoof at a recipe for a flower growth potion. "Psh. You would," said Scootaloo dismissively. "Our potion has to be something awesome if we're going to earn our cutie marks!" "Yeah. Ah agree with Scoots. Ah mean... a ladybug polishing potion?" Apple Bloom said, pointing to another recipe and raising her eyebrow. "What's that s'posed to be useful for?" "For making ladybugs shinier?" Sweetie Belle said, in a somewhat miffed tone. "I like that one too." Apple Bloom rolled her eyes impressively (She has good technique, Twilight thought). "Ah get that. But whut is it good for?" "This one doesn't look so bad," Scootaloo broke in, pointing to a potion for making liquid rainbows. Her eyes glanced involuntarily across the room to where Rainbow Dash was laughing with Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. Apple Bloom and Sweetie got in another epic eye roll (Wow, these fillies are good at this, Twilight thought). "Yeah. It's got rainbows in it, so it must be awesome," Sweetie said. Scootaloo stared blankly back at her for several moments, the sarcasm incapable of registering in her mind when in relation to this particular subject. "Yes?" she finally volunteered, making it sound like the most obvious possible thing. Twilight laughed. Maybe this won't be so bad, she thought, Maybe they'll spend the evening arguing over which harmless potion to make and not even get started before they have to go home! Twilight left them to their debate. She decided to see what Zecora was up to, since she looked more suspicious than Trixie, and kept looking suspiciously at Trixie. Why does life have to be so ironic? "Hey Zecora." "I do not trust that one, Twilight. I fear her schemes will ruin your night," Zecora said, cutting right to the chase. Twilight put her hoof to her face. "Yes, well, why don't you let me worry about that, Zecora, and just try to have a nice time?" Twilight tried, smiling reassuringly. Zecora's eyes narrowed, and didn't leave Trixie. "Speaking as one who has had few friends to treasure, I make it my task to protect from one of her measure." "She really is weirding you out, isn't she?" Twilight said, almost smirking. "Even if she is turning a leaf, I cannot suspend my disbelief. On caution's side I will err. I doubt that potion's for her hair." Twilight rolled her eyes, practicing a few improvements she'd picked up watching the CMC. "I'm sure she's fine, Zecora. Just have fun and relax." "If Trixie truly has changed... I cannot handle that; too strange!" Zecora said, her mind struggling mightily with the idea of a reformed Trixie. "Besides, Zecora," Twilight said quietly, "If she is planning anything... Trixie-ish, I can deal with it, I promise," Twilight smiled. "Now will you please relax and have fun?" "I will try, Twilight my friend. I will put my suspicions to an end," Zecora said. I will not, my friend. I must watch Trixie 'til night's end! Zecora thought. Twilight smiled, oblivious to Zecora's paranoid guardian complex. "Great!" she said. "Twilight! Over here!" Pinkie called brightly, waving her hoof. Cookie crumbs flew from her mouth as she spoke. Smiling, Twilight headed over to where Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Poncy were gathered. "Hey, girls. How's it going?" Pinkie opened her mouth to reply, closed it, swallowed her mouthful of cookies, then opened it again, gasping as she took a big breath, "Well-Twilight,-Dashie-was-going-to-make-a-potion-to-make-her-fly-faster-and-I-was-all-'Hasn't-that-been-done?'-and-she-was-like-'...No?'-and-then-I-was-like-'Oh-yeah,-why-did-I-think-that-had-already-been-done?'-and-Dashie-was-like-'I-don't-know-Pinkie-you're-so-random,'-and-I-said-'Besides,-aren't-you-already-the-fastest-flyer,-like,-ever?-Why-do-you-need-a-potion-to-fly-faster?'-and-Dashie-said,-'Uhh,-Pinkie,-no-matter-how-awesome-I-am-it's-always-better-to-be-a-little-awesome-er,'-and-so-I-said,-'Uhh...-Dashie-you-do-know-awesome-er-isn't-a-word-right?'-and-Dashie-said-'That's-what-I-said!-But-Twilight-said-it-earlier-so-I-thought-I-must-have-been-wrong!'-and-Twilight-you-do-know-awesome-er-isn't-a-word,-right?-Anyway-then-Fluttershy-came-over-and-introduced-us-to-Poncy-and-said-she-was-going-to-try-to-learn-how-to-make-a-swimming-potion-for-Poncy-and-some-of-his-bear-friends-who-can't-swim-because-they're-going-to-have-a-bear-beach-party-and-I-said-a-bear-beach-party?!-That-sounds-like-the-greatest-thing-ever!-And-then-I-waved-to-you-and-said-'Twilight!-Over-here!'-And-I-was-going-to-ask-you-if-you-thought-a-bear-beach-party-sounded-like-the-greatest-thing-ever,-too,-but-then-you-said-'Hey-girls.-How's-it-going?'-So-I-brought-you-up-to-speed-on-what-you'd-missed-and-now-here-we-are!" Pinkie said in one breath. She collapsed to the floor, panting. "So..." she gasped, "Twilight... did... you... get... all... that?" Twilight smiled and nodded, "Yep!" she said, lying with practiced ease. ...Well she didn't want Pinkie to start over again, after all! She had no idea how an honest pony like Applejack could ever have a conversation with Pinkie that didn't end with Pinkie unconscious. Anyway, she had at least isolated the words “Fluttershy” and “swimming potion.” "Well, Fluttershy, I think I've got just the book for you!" Twilight said, turning to her yellow friend and levitating a profoundly dusty purple book off the shelf. "Olde Marityme Recipyes for Philtyres, Elyxires, and Potionery," Fluttershy read the cover aloud. "Um, Twilight, this is nice, but... I don't know if I can read all these old words." Twilight waved her hoof dismissively, "Nonsense! I'm sure you'll have no problem, Fluttershy!" "Um. Okay, Twilight. Thank you," Fluttershy said, still sounding unsure. She sneezed as she opened the book. "Got any potion books for me, egghead?" Dash cut in. Twilight rolled her eyes at her friend's sobriquet. "I don't think I know of anything that can make you fly faster, but there was a bat-pony in the latter Classical Era who wrote a treatise on agility-enhancing potions. I've got it here somewhere, let me see... ah! Here we go! Aviatrix's On the Comparative Magical Physiology of Pegasi and Bat-Ponies and the Alchemical Theory for the Inversal Thereof. It’s not a first edition, obviously, but at least the reprint has been edited for modern Equestrian! It even includes footnotes!" Twilight managed to use the word "footnotes" as though describing a delicious and decadent dessert. Dash stared at the thin book. She opened it. The first thing she read was "Elliptical partial differential equations." She closed the book. "Uh... Twilight? Don't you think this is a little... technical?" "Hmm? Oh no, I don't think so! It's really good once you get into it! I've always found that one a good read!" Dash doubted Twilight's first statement completely and believed her second statement absolutely. The thought of Twilight curling up for the evening with a thousand year old treatise on Potion Engineering in the Field of Magical Aerodynamics was not a difficult one to imagine. She was just weird like that. Sighing, Dash opened to the first chapter: "On Potential Subsonic Flow" and wasted no time rubbing her temple with her hoof in confusion. Twilight, happy to have been so helpful to her good friends, moved on, looking for somepony else who might need her useful help and advice. Lyra, Bon-Bon, and Berry were doing... something. "What are you doing?" Twilight asked, unable to put a name to the something. "Smurbubligurgitz," is what Lyra's response may as well have been, for all the sense it made to Twilight. "You want to... make candy... that is also alcohol... that will in turn shape-shift you into a monkey?" Twilight translated, slowly, the logic center of her brain resisting every syllable. The three nodded, smiling. "Since Berry didn't bring a cauldron, and Lyra and I only had one between us, we all compromised," Bon-Bon said, proudly. "Don't you think that that combination might be... um...?" They all shrugged. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Lyra said. "It'll be fiiiiine," Berry said, throwing a foreleg over Twilight's withers. Her breath was bad. Twilight had always liked Berry. She was a nice enough pony. Twilight had even once tried to help her with her drinking problem. That, too, had ended in property destruction, though of the mere "single house slightly on fire" variety. But that is a story for another time. Twilight gently nudged Berry off her. "Okay, well... let me know if something goes wrong... or... right... and I'll help you, okay?" The three nodded in unison. Bon-Bon nodded her head in a measured, earth pony sort of way. Lyra nodded her head in her typical frenetically energetic style. Berry nodded her head once, then seemed to forget she'd been nodding. . . . Twilight waved goodbye to her guests as they left for the evening, carrying their newly-made potions home with them. Rarity showed up to take Sweetie Belle home, Spike having run and told her and Applejack that the Crusaders had spent their evening at the Cauldron Club a couple of hours ago. "Sweetie, what have you done to your mane?" Rarity said, after exchanging greetings with Twilight. Sweetie's pupils rolled together and up, trying to look at her mane. Apple Bloom looked at Sweetie's mane. Scootaloo looked at Sweetie's mane. Spike looked at Sweetie's mane. Twilight looked at Sweetie's mane. None of them noticed even a hair out of place. But then, of course, none of them were Rarity. "Uhh... nothing?" Sweetie said, confused. Rarity tut-tutted, producing a brush seemingly out of thin air, and attacking the probably-imagined mussling with zealous determination. “Howdy, sugarcube,” Applejack greeted, approaching them. There was a touch of apprehension in her voice, but she seemed reassured by the fact that the library was not, in fact, exploded. "Ever'thing... go alright?" It had been a smashing success! Everything had gone perfectly! And Applejack had thought this was going to be a disaster! HA! "HA!" Twilight said aloud, forgetting to not say it. Blushing a little and recovering, she said, "I mean, yep! No explosions, no mobs, no property destruction!" "Ah still think we should've made that explosion potion... we could've gotten our cutie marks in demolitions!" Apple Bloom cut in, grumbling. "I still have no idea what that was doing in a beginner's book," Twilight said quizzically, musing mostly to herself. Applejack, honest as she was, could not hide a look. And the look she was looking after the phrase "explosion potion" had been uttered was one of knowing horror. It was the look of one who had seen the very face of chaos, and had just been informed that it could have been worse. "Well that's... fine, then," Applejack managed. "What... kinda potion did y'all make?" "Dun dundunDUN!" Scootaloo trumpeted, dramatically revealing an off-purple liquid in a glass bottle as she did so. "Aaaaaaa FLIGHT potion!" Her wings buzzed excitedly. Applejack was not reassured by the thought of flying Crusaders. "Oh Applejack! Do close your mouth, dear!" Rarity sniffed. "I'm sure it will be fine! Anyway, hadn't we better be going?" Rarity and Applejack had decided to team up to watch the Crusaders tonight; to turn it into a sort of fun (and, hopefully, chaos-free) sleepover. "Oh! Uh... yeah! Guess we'd better hit the road, then! Good lu- I mean, uh, good night, Twilight!" "Good night, girls!" Twilight waved as they left. "What a good night," she said to Spike, as they went in to get ready for bed. "And you were worried," she scoffed, gently.