I sit in my room, clutching tightly to my stuffed bear, which I have had since I was just a few years old. I know at 14 I should have rid myself of the thing years ago. But it's all I have to keep myself happy. I look up around my room, it's mostly empty save the radio, bed, dresser, and closet, and what few sets of LEGOs I have lying around. My walls are a simple olive green, and the ceiling a plain white. I try to shut out listening to my parents argue in their own room. I can't remember a time before the arguing, before the pain, before all that had happened... What's worse is that it's near midnight, and insomnia has me again.
I look out the window, the loud angry voices of my parents still clear in my head. I hear a loud crash, then silence. Soon my dad leaves the house and trots angrily down the road, clearly something had broken. My family is falling apart, quite frankly. I really do not want to sleep, for the insomnia is partially a gift, sparing me the nightmares that dance about when I sleep. As much as I hate school, I wish it wasn't summer vacation, and I wish to be with my only two friends.... But it's mid summer, and I doubt I'll make it to next year at this rate. Once more I have skipped my dinner, solely because I had no desire to enter the living room while my family was about. I shift my head a little, looking at the empty old food boxes stacked up. When both my parents are away, I sneak to the pantry and stock up on what I can, taking just little enough so that they do not notice it's missing, otherwise I'd get yelled at too.... And probably smacked.
Somehow, I decide to let myself drift. A mistake. I begin to have another nightmare, once more inevitable: I am walking down a foggy hallway, and out of the blue, a large Pegasus shoves me aside, growling, "out of the way, looser" before passing. I continue to walk, the words "freak" , "homo" and "idiot" ring from the mist constantly. I struggle with this, trying to outrun the voices, and I run smack into my father, who pushes me away, once more telling me to "get out of here" angrily. I run, ending up outside in the rain. Suddenly a cardboard box forms around me, and ponies pass by laughing and throwing things at me.
I jolt awake. Only and hour has passed since I drifted, it is now 1:32 A.M. According to my radio. I sigh. And open my door, which swings silently. I step out of my room and close it. Clopping slowly and quietly down the shadowy hallway. I pass my mother, looking torn apart and asleep on the couch, her mane a ravaged mess, and tear streaks marking her cheeks. I sigh, dad was no doubt at the bar, or the 'adult club'. I make for the front door quietly, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge and taking my saddlebags, only the water is what I bring. I step outside the house, closing the door. The lawn was unmowed, and the trees untrimmed and bushy. And the front walk over grown with weeds. I walk to the end of the sidewalk, noting my mail box that still has mail from two weeks ago, mostly unpaid bills and threats of losing the house. The only lights in the street where the magic lamps that dot the street every few corner, some 24 hour businesses, and the dim light that the moon cast upon the ground. Making my way down the street, I pass the bar, peeking in a window to see dad playing poker with his drinking buddies, yelling something about his 'whore of a wife and useless son' as he laughed along with them, he set his beer down and, if he wasn't so drunk he would have noticed me. The bar owner drops a trash bag on the street next to me and gives me a cold stare.
"Hey kid, you shouldn't be out here this late, go home," he said, shooing me away with his hooves. I dart away, turning the corner before slowing down. I pass a few unnerving all-nighter older teens who walk by kicking things around, not paying me any heed.
I pass by Sugarcube Corner, seeing that the only light within was a small lamp over a snoring Pinkie Pie, surrounded by cupcake wrappers. I hop through the window, landing silently on my hooves. Something I've gained from practice. I sneak past the sleeping pink pony and over to the counter, where apple and strawberry tarts lay on the counter. I scoop several into my saddlebag without a second though, and turn to leave. I have gone past feeling bad about steeling from the Cakes' shop, after all, is it not their fault for leaving the windows open? For anypony to enter?
Hopping out the way I came in, I head to the park. Nopony else is in the park, save a couple making out under a street light. I move over to a bench and sit down, facing away from them, and taking one of the stolen treats from my saddlebag, and eating it hungrily. I lay on the bench and begin to drift. The reoccurring nightmare returns, but something is different. About midway through the Dream, it's existence shatters and I am aware of the fact that I'm dreaming.
"Hello, little one." Comes a soft, caring, but unfamiliar voice. I look around, seeing nopony.
"Hello? Who's there?" I ask with a whimper. Materializing in front of me appears a dark colored Alicorn.... It takes me a moment. I then gasp and bow, remembering her from history lessons in school.
"Princess Luna" I say with a small squeak in the back of my throat.
"No need to bow, little one" she says
"I only came to visit your dreams, a strong nightmare essence has been coming from you for a long time, and I have been watching you, worried." She says. I sit up, staring into her caring, luminescent eyes, remaining silent.
"What are are your troubles?" She asks me softly, sitting down next to me, giving me undivided attention. I break down sobbing, explaining everything that had happened since I was little, my family's problems, and my own. I know I shouldn't talk to strangers, even if in a dream, but she was just... Well she's princess Luna, if she can't be trusted, who can?....
"I just want it all to end. I want to rid the world of an unneeded ....." I stop, not being able to find a word negative enough to describe myself with.
"Wretch?" Luna asks, and I look download nodding. She places a hoof under my chin and lifts it up.
"You are no unneeded wretch, little one. There are those that love you, although you may not notice." She says. I shake my head in disbelief. She leans in close, and whispers
" Perhaps tis no business of mine, but that filly Sweetie Belle, from your school, she dreams about you quite often." She tells me. My crying subsides.
"You're making that up." I say, she shakes her head.
"No, I visit everypony's dreams, and she often has dreams of talking to you and even hoping that you like her." Luna says with a small smile. I make a 'tsh' sound, and roll my eyes.
"I don't think you should lie to make me feel better, your highness." I say.
"I'm not lying. The night grows short, little one. I must leave you now." She says. I sigh, nodding my head.
"Stay strong." She says as she takes flight.
My eyes slowly open, the sun is barely dawning upon the horizon. I suddenly become aware of loud snoring, and turn my head around, spotting a homeless Stallion who had taken up residence on the other side of the bench. I climb down, taking the newspaper he had laying on him. I wrap up two of the tarts with the newspaper, and set them back where the stallion was. I decide not to go home and to keep wandering.... Luna's words still hung in my mind as I plodded along back into town. The early risers have already started about their business. A few Pegasi are already flying around, position a few clouds here and there preparing what was going to be a lovely day... For most. Personally I wouldn't care if it had been raining right now. At least then I'd be the only one outside. As I walk I hear loud joyous yelling as the Cutie Mark Crusaders zip by in the wagon that is attached to Scootaloo's scooter. I don't understand why everyone my age has a decent life and I don't. Suddenly they turn around and stop next to me.
"Heya' Nalyd!" Calls Applebloom. I look down and pretend the girls aren't there. They're generally nice to me but I can hardly open my mouth without saying something that's impolite.
"Have you thought about joining yet? There's always room for another member!" She says, giving me her cutest smile. Past that, I see Sweetie Belle trying not to look at me directly. I nervously hoof at the ground.
"No thanks.....not yet..." I say quietly.
"Well okay! Let us know if ya change yer mind!" She says before they take off again. I look at my rear. Blank as it always was. Plain, smooth black. I hadn't ever decided to go out to see what I was good at.... Really I wasn't good at anything. In all honesty I viewed the Crusaders as a girly group, seeing how that their only members are female. I decide to head down to the library to find something to distract myself from my miserable life.
Upon entering the library I am greeted by Spike, to which I only smile slightly and head over to the adventure books section. I scan the shelves and look for a good looking book. Twilight Sparkle approaches me.
"Hello, Nalyd." She says. I simply give a hum of acknowledge while looking down.
"Feeling any better today?" She asks, ruffling my mane with her hoof. I shake my head, avoiding eye contact. I'm never comfortable around older ponies, Ms. Sparkle was no exception. She frowns.
"Well, try to have a good day..." She says, walking off.
I return home, instantly going to my room, passing by my mom and dad who were sitting silently on two different couches staring at the television, they don't even notice me. I close my door behind me and lay down on my bed. I then sit up and go to my closet, opening it. The only thing amongst the fuzzy dust bunnies is the long, green rope leash that used to belong to our dog, Shasta, before she passed. I pick it up and hug it. She was my only true friend, why did she have to to. As I looked at the leash I knew it would be my instrument of demise, should I need it.
---Four Days Later ---
I enjoy the heavy storm we're having. The soft, cold rain lovingly patters upon my face, dripping down my neck. I smile for the first time in days. But it's all down hill from here.
"Hey look, it's the gaaaaaay." Calls an unfriendly voice from behind me. I turn and see the three school bullies... Assjack, Dipwad, and Fumblebrain. Of course those aren't their real names. That is only what I call them.
"For the last time, morons. I'm straight." I say. "As a rainbow" Assjack retorts. I sigh, turning to leave.
"What's the matter blank baby, gonna cry to mommy now?" He asks.
"Now that you mention it.." I say sarcastically, then quickly bucking a rock off the ground. It hits him in the face and I run. The bad part is that one of them is a unicorn, and the other two are Pegasus. So I really gain nothing from trying to run. Soon, the two Pegasi, Dipwad and Fumblebrain catch up to me, tackling me and carrying me to a mud pile. Assjack uses his magic to rub mud in my face, before hoofing me in the stomach and having the other two toss me into the mud, where they proceed to kick me several times in the side, and drop several decently large stones on me, one striking me hard in the eye. I begin to cry as I lay there weakly in the mud, badly bruised.
It's an hour before I manage to get home, walking to the bathroom past another of my parents scream fights. I go I to the bathroom and close the door, cleaning up. My eye is black already. I turn on the bath and climb into the warm water, settling my head upon the side, and positioning myself to where I wouldn't slide into the water. The welcoming heat instantly makes me feel better as I relax. It is already late and I dose off in the tub.
My thoughts about what had happened only an hour before reflect upon me, making the bullies seem ten times larger, and myself ten times smaller. The dream begins to fade as the princess once more steps into view.
"What has happened to you, little one?" She asks me with a look of sympathy on her face. The only visible things around are her, myself, and the bathtub I lay in.
"They beat me up.." I whimper.
"Who?" She asks. I am about to respond with the names I had given them but I tell her their real names.
"I'm sorry Luna. But I don't think I can do this anymore" I say slightly tearing up. The princess sighs.
"Just hang on, little one. Be brave and hang on" she says. I slowly begin to cry and leap out of the tub into her welcoming hooves,
"I can't" I say, getting a very comfortable hug from the princess. She softly shushes me, and strokes my mane.
"There there, Nalyd. You're not the only one with these problems... In fact....."
I am woken up by banging on the bathroom door, the water is considerably cooler, and the feel from Luna's hug is slowly fading.
"Hey! Hey worthless cur are you still awake in there?" My fathers angry voice booms.
"Yes." I reply. And I hear an angry growl,
"well get the hell out of there so other people can use the damned bathroom!" He yells. I grab a towel and pull the plug on the drain, opening the door and bursting past him and into my room, where I close the door, heavily crying now.
----Two days later----
Mother left. She packed up some things and took the train to Aunt's house without saying a word. My dad just came in, told me the news, and said he wanted me out of his house soon as well. I decide it's time. I open my closet and take the leash, looking at it. It still smells faintly of Shasta. This will be clean... And at least ill be able to be with my dog... My one true friend. I go to my bed, knotting the leash how they did in the old western movies, I believe it's called a noose. I take the noosed leash and set it up in the closet, sneaking into the living room and getting a stool. I stay emotionless as I finish the setup, and it looks sturdy and sustainable, I lie on my bed staring at it, and closing my eyes to take a short nap to clear my thoughts first. This time it's no nightmare, I have a pleasant dream about my late dog, and meeting her once I'm gone.
Mid dream, it dissolves. Luna stares at me in sorrow, as if knowing what's going to happen. I frown at her and she shakes her head.
"There's no other way" I say. She sighs softly.
"There's always another way" she says before disappearing.
I wake up again and sit up, I had been out twenty minutes. I look over and see the rope, motionless. I get out a piece of paper and a quill and ink, and write a Letter of Departure. In it I thank everyone who's tried to help, apologies to the Cakes and leave all my bits for them, and I take the note, and tie it around my hoof with a piece of string.
I step up onto the stool, and stand on my hind legs, leaning against the closet rod with my forelegs.
I breath deeply, placing my neck in the noose.
I think about everything that has been, and all that couldn't be. I take a deep breath, and kick the stool.
I begin to lose breath.