//------------------------------// // Chapter 6 – A Heart's Blockade // Story: Autonomous Reflection // by Crystalline HP //------------------------------// Rarity’s sole companion was considerable irony as she ascended a suavely decorated flight of stairs, mainly because her respect for the interior designers of Canterlot Castle was rapidly plummeting back down them. No toilets on the same floor as the Conference Room? Honestly, did pure beauty bedazzle even history’s architects so much that functionality was a dirty word? Shooing her inner fashionista, Rarity reminded herself that her unacceptably long journey to the bathroom was only half for her own benefit. Ascertaining Rainbow Dash’s whereabouts while she was at it was a task that had been wordlessly left to her upon excusing herself from the Conference Room. Rarity wished that the search could come second to relieving herself, but the sheer franticness surrounding Rainbow’s strange departure had put the pegasus’s safety and mental well-being in high priority. I can kill two Parasprites with one spell if she behaved as a proper lady might and adjourned to the nearest bathroom, rather than following that irksome habit of hers and flying off. I do not want to venture outside at this time of night. Rarity arrived at the top of the stairs. Adopting a dignified trot, she calibrated her eyes into picking out only the national symbol for a restroom, forcing them to remain unresponsive to what was clearly a horrendous choice of wallpaper. The grand corridor stretched so far it almost achieved its own horizon, but Rarity did not so much as lengthen her stride; although only the cool night air passed her on the corridor, she would not let herself slip into a flustered hurry. Just when the prospect of attempting a complex tracing spell to track down her friend was becoming an unpleasantly logical choice, Rarity spotted her destination opposite the entrance to the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the castle’s library. Reading traced a particularly faint line in her life, not least because she was a self-taught designer and seamstress who found non-fiction insufferable. So, as she had once explained to Twilight’s outraged face, books – namely those exclusive to tales of impossible romance – were mildly interesting things to be read when, and only when, less than three deadlines were not leaving her career hanging in the balance. Rarity was not given the chance to reprimand her wandering thoughts a second time; they vanished of their own accord when her attention was stolen by a number of strange inconsistencies in her surroundings. Some blended in with more ominous vagueness than others, but the first was staring her in the face. For some reason, a tangled pile of buckets, brooms and other such cleaning material had been unceremoniously dumped in front of the mare’s bathroom, blocking entry to all but a curious moth. Liquid still rained from several mops, the heads of which were all erected upwards and spread abreast to flood the entire entrance with a deluge of freezing water. Swallowing nervously, Rarity realised that the mess had been thrown together recently…and quite deliberately. Somepony doesn’t want to be disturbed… Then there was the other oddity: the library door stood opposite. I’ve never even seen this part of the castle before, so why is my intuition bothering me? I just can’t put my hoof on it, but something is missing on that door… The most worrying issue made itself known last as a putrid stench suddenly assaulted Rarity’s nostrils. Her head swung around again to observe the sodden mess standing in the way of her and an empty bladder, and it quickly dawned on her that there was something very unsavoury in one of the buckets. However, as discouraging as this might have been to a casual passer-by, Rarity felt her determination to investigate strengthen. The signs pointing towards Rainbow Dash’s location were the same as those directing Rarity to this very bathroom, and she would not be stopped by debris whose primary purpose was to clean in the first place. Levitation was the most obvious solution. As was tradition among unicorn families, the spell and its endless practicalities had been taught to Rarity at a tender age by her parents. Since she still casted it on a regular basis during the delicate process of stitching dresses, Rarity knew it was well within her capacity to individually pick up each object, carefully free them from each other’s entanglement and set them down to one side, one at a time. This was, of course, the problem. The cleaners can go to the moon if they expect me to spend entire minutes tidying up their own equipment. My friend has barricaded herself behind it with nothing but her own terrified thoughts for company! Alone! Unstable! I must save her! I must! And so, ignoring the inner perfectionist that was warning her of a tantrum if she wasn’t gentle, Rarity magically encouraged a dense pocket of air to congregate in the centre of the pile. Figuring she might as well retain good habits by making everything she did spectacular, she packed the air in huge volumes, forcibly squeezing the area it occupied for every last unit of pressure…before unleashing it outwards in a concentrated sphere. The heap exploded. “I’m coming in, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity called, as if the clattering din were not forewarning enough. Hopping over the drenched floor and through the now unobstructed entrance, she was unsurprised to find the place seemingly deserted—save for one locked stall. A spell could breach that easily enough, but I don’t want to push for her cooperation through such insensitive, invading means. A more passive approach, though… Aware that Rainbow Dash was unpredictable right down to her snoozing schedule, Rarity opted for a civilised outset and knocked twice. The verbal silence which she had expected was her answer, but through strained ears she could hear a rhythmic, beating sound on the other side. Quiet though it was, the noise virtually confirmed that her hunch had been flawless. “I know you’re in there, Rainbow!” The proclamation earned no reply. “It’s no use hovering to try and hide your hooves; I can hear your wings flapping!” Proof by logic was not working either, so Rarity reluctantly stooped to playing a beguiling yet completely honest card. “I have something to tell you, darling, and I won’t voice it to a block of solid metal that I have to pretend is your face. Now, please come out.” When she still received no admission, Rarity exhaled a testy sigh that was weighted with more frustration than she had intended. I need to raise the stakes a notch. Stirring her dormant pool of magic, she allowed her horn to glow loudly. “Or must I unlock this door for you?” “No!” The pegasus landed clumsily, a loud crack telling Rarity that Dash had staggered into one of the walls. “D-Don’t come in!” So frightened was her tone that, under any other circumstances, Rarity would have thrown a scornful rebuttal at anyone who suggested it might belong to Rainbow Dash. But even if circumstance had not chained together with enough clarity, the characteristic, helpless breaking of Rainbow’s voice – frequented more often than ever thanks to her insecurity – made it undeniable. Before Rarity could decide on a constructive course of action, Rainbow defeatedly added, “Please don’t, Rarity… I’m a mess…” “I don’t mind.” Scolding herself for thus far merely pressing Dash when the pegasus was so clearly suffering, Rarity spoke calmly and sympathetically. “I don’t care how you look. It’s your insides that matter, and they’re hurting, aren’t they? Please, darling, let me in. Let me help you.” For a whole minute, nothing happened, and Rarity found herself left with only meaningless apologies that her trembling lips could not form. Even if she could have given another thousand reasons for Dash to emerge, the terrible shame born of her provocative methods would have silenced them. Each passing second cemented Rarity’s fear that she had failed her friend more and more firmly within her, and liquid stung her eyes as they welled. This punishment is no less than I deserve… “R-Rainbow… P-Please, I…” She came terribly close to begging for both Rainbow’s trust and her forgiveness when a small click saved her the words. The stall door swung open, and Rarity stared at Rainbow Dash’s tear-streaked face. A mess did not justify the heartbreaking condition of the pegasus. Each breath of her lungs escaped through audible shivers, colour was bleeding from her mane to destroy its often envied brilliance, and her soft, blue cheeks had paled to the point of lifelessness. Rarity’s stomach churned as she watched flecks of a viscous, yellow fluid slue from the corners of Dash’s mouth, and the identity of the foul smell from before became horribly apparent. “Oh, darling…!” Seeing Rainbow’s pupils cower inside her eyes cued the tears to fall from Rarity’s glistening own. “What have you done to yourself…?” She was met with neither resistance nor returned affection when her hooves crossed the three yards distancing her from Dash’s blatant need for a hug and held her loyal friend closely. “I… It’s nothing,” murmured Rainbow Dash into her ear. But her body itself betrayed this as a lie; though invisible to observation alone, the spasmodic tremors wracking Dash’s deep muscles could not hide from Rarity’s embrace. “Please, it’s nothing…” she repeated pathetically. She knows I don’t believe her. I think she’s trying to convince herself that this isn’t happening… Refusing to let Rainbow credit her own denial, Rarity withdrew her head from nuzzling but kept a hoof engaged in gentle strokes along the pegasus’s back. “You’ve been crying, Rainbow. That isn’t nothing. Your body is asking you to find somepony who will be there for you, and I want to be that pony.” She dabbed at her eyes, hoping that Dash might respond to a true show of strength and friendship. “I won’t let your stubborn independence tear you apart.” “I’m fine...” Rarity felt her patience taper dangerously close to non-existence again. “No you are not, Rainbow Dash! You’re pale, you’re shaking, you’re gasping for air and I know that you…well…” – the taste of the disgusting word dirtied Rarity’s mouth before she expelled it from her sophisticated tongue – “...vomited into one of the same buckets that you used to lock yourself in here! Even Sweetie Bell could recognise the symptoms—you’ve had a panic attack!” The direct approach struck the bullseye. Rainbow Dash, whose hooves had up to now remained grounded in a choked attempt to cope without a friend, finally abandoned her self-destructive behaviour and threw herself at Rarity. “I know!” she managed through clenched teeth. “I know! Please don’t tell the others! You can’t tell Pinkie!” “I won’t,” Rarity promised, her relief bursting in a dam that gushed with similar magnitude to the sudden caving of Rainbow Dash. The natural question as to why Dash especially abhorred the idea of Pinkie Pie learning of her affright was itching to be asked by Rarity’s habitual gossip tendencies, but even she knew the line had to be drawn in permanent ink when a friend of many years was weeping into your neck. “That’s right, darling…” she soothed, their rare hug quietly affixing new bridges of trust between both hearts. “Let it all out…” It took some time for Rainbow’s sobs to subside. Gradually, the number of warm drops falling onto Rarity’s skin waned until she knew her friend’s eyes were dry, but this was no guarantee of stability. A mare remained an emotional wreck after a breakdown, and Rarity waited until she could hear no more than the occasional sniffle before reluctantly disengaging from their bubble of comfort and guiding the pegasus to the sinks. Warm water. Paper towels. And magic. That’s all I need. With this simple trio and a delicate touch, Rarity cleaned Rainbow Dash in silence. Only the steady trickle of a single tap occupied their ears as tears, bile and a measure of shame were all washed from various regions of Rainbow’s face. However, as Rarity knew it would, the unspecialised purpose and stark unwieldiness of a wet bit of tissue soon proved hopelessly inadequate against her mane. Staring into the mirror with trembling lips, Rainbow Dash seemed to realise that her prized feature was ruined beyond immediate repair. No! I won’t let you hate the sight of yourself! I know how much that hurts! Determination setting her magic ablaze, Rarity saturated all of her cosmetic knowledge and experience into an almost instinctive spell that manifested as an alabaster shimmer engulfing her modest horn. Rainbow Dash yelped as the same white light swept gracefully through her mane, breaking down any substance that did not harmonise with natural beauty. Now absolutely spotless, a new rainbow of colour infused into her mane to restore its magnificent spectrum, and the gust-like effect of the spell flared every strand of her hair into perfect style. As an unexpected side effect – or perhaps it was just massive embarrassment at being so successfully beautified by a unicorn whom she never allowed near her with a brush – warmth raced through her cheeks, flushing them with such renewed life that Rainbow Dash was soon blushing fiercely. Appraising her reflection once more, the pegasus wore an astounded look. “T-That was…” she stammered. “I mean, I’m…” “I believe the word is beautiful, darling,” Rarity said, smiling softly. Pleasantly surprised by her own handiwork, she acknowledged Rainbow’s silent thanks with a firm nod that would accept no more talk on the relatively trivial subject. Now, let us get to the bottom of why the poor dear needed that at all. Hoping that the upfront approach which had snapped Dash into the reality of her distress would bear fruit a second time, Rarity forewent arduous hinting and spoke concisely. “Before we return to the Conference Room, dear, I would be neglecting my duty as a friend if I were not to ask: whatever drove you to enter such a frenzied state of mind?” Rainbow Dash shrugged a little too carelessly as she answered, “Oh, y’know, just the shock of seeing Twilight and Fluttershy disappear like that. And stuff…” The combination of a heavy pause and Rarity’s raised eyebrows made Dash break the essentiality for eye contact when attempting to lie. “Darling,” Rarity said seriously, “I will give you another chance to tell me what is truly breaking your heart in a moment, but while we’re on the subject... It was supposed to happen.” “Huh?” “It was meant to happen, Rainbow,” Rarity repeated, glad she was a messenger who carried no grounds to fear being shot. “This is what I wanted to tell you. You ran off so quickly that you didn’t hear Princess Celestia say she was expecting Twilight and Fluttershy to vanish.” Astonishment made a swift return to Rainbow Dash’s face. “Really?! But why? Where are they now?” I wish I knew. Irked as she had been at being denied further information after asking the royal sisters, Rarity assumed an optimistic tone as she spoke, in case Rainbow crumbled again. “I was told nothing else… I’m sorry. But Celestia has faith that they will return safely, and she also promised to explain everything when we’re all back together.” “…” Upon discerning that her brittle reassurances were regardless rooting more doubt in the pegasus’s mind, Rarity quickly rallied, “Who knows, maybe they’re back already! The most important thing to remember is that Celestia would never risk putting anypony in grave danger, especially when one of them is her lifelong friend and student who has just become a princess herself. The situation is in hoof, darling.” Although Dash’s nod of understanding thankfully closed the topic, her resistance in yielding the cause of her hardship remained steadfast. “That’s great and everything, but I didn’t know that! I really respect Twilight, and Fluttershy’s been my best friend since forever! I hoofed it ‘cause I got really scared that they weren’t coming back! Honest!” She’s telling the truth, but it’s plain as day there’s some omission. Why must you invite more pain upon your troubled heart, darling? Your eyes are telling me that something still eats you alive! Pouncing with her refined eloquence, Rarity reasoned, “I don’t doubt that terror and stress acted as the trigger, but a trigger does not discharge without ammunition. And you cannot expect me to believe that what happened was the only source; you are far braver than I, yet your body attacked itself from terror!” She sighed softly and offered an open, supportive hoof. “Please, Rainbow, I thought we were past pretending to be fine. Don’t you trust me?” “…We don’t talk.” Rarity suddenly felt like their relationship was somehow backpedalling on a flat plane. “I beg your pardon?” “You and me,” Rainbow said blandly. “We don’t have anything in common. I don’t think we’ve ever told each other anything private. We don’t talk.” Something sharp pricked Rarity in a sensitive place. “That isn’t true, Rainbow Dash,” she said quietly, unable to prevent hurt from thickening her voice. “I know you. I know you well enough to know that the pony standing in front of me isn’t the Rainbow Dash I know and love. That pegasus is my friend, and I want her back.” Rarity actually saw Rainbow Dash throw all caution to a raging hurricane moments before she yelled, “Then tell me it’s ok to be in love with another mare!” W-WHAT?! But the floodgates had opened, and swarms of confessions in poor disguise were streaming from Rainbow Dash’s mouth. “Tell me it’s ok that all my life I’ve lied about sleeping with stallions who I never found attractive! Tell me it’s ok that I’m jealous of a baby alligator because she loves it more than me! Tell me she loves me back!” With most of her brain threatening to incite a panic attack of its own, Rarity was left speechless.  Whatever faculties that were still listening to Rainbow’s deteriorating shouts, however, came to realise that she was not shouting at all—she was pleading. “Tell me it’s ok that I just want to look into her eyes, and hold her, and kiss her, and…a-and… Please tell me…” No suitable words were bothering to occur to Rarity and her dumbfounded mind, so she ended up galloping into another hug, if only to keep them both from doing something regrettable until she could muster a few phrases of general comforting. “Shhh… It’s ok…” Rarity whispered. The shock soon lifted, and Rarity found herself berating the severity of her own reaction. “It is ok, Rainbow Dash. Loving another mare is perfectly normal and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.” “R-Really?” “Really.” Rarity paused, evading a guilty image that had plagued her more than once that day: exploiting Spike’s adoration for her when she was still unsure whether their platonic relationship could develop—if she wanted something more. “I admit, I cannot empathise with the feeling of crushing on a mare, but love is love, darling. It makes us lie, it makes us envy those closest to our desires, and yes, sometimes it consumes our lives so fully that before we know it we’re crying, hating ourselves and wanting to be sick. I do not blame you for running away at all.” Rainbow relaxed into her embrace, and Rarity knew that their new, mutual understanding would never again permit doubt of their friendship’s strength to do as little as stick its poisonous foot in the door. “Thanks, Rarity,” said Rainbow Dash with a relieved sincerity. “How long, darling?” Sighing reminiscently, Dash evidently understood the drift of the question. “Ever since she showed me what true happiness is…” Rarity thought it an insult to inquire the mare’s name after such a heartfelt admission, and chose to simply enjoy another hug that reaffirmed their bonds. Then something clicked inside her head. Did Rainbow Dash say she was jealous of an alligator? But then, that means…! She had no idea whether the two and two which she had put together was giving her a solid four, or if she was so wrong that the four was merely one digit of an unsayable number that would give Twilight Sparkle a migraine. Even so, the possibility alone was stimulating the hopeless romantic within Rarity. I shall have to discreetly observe their behaviour around each other at the soonest opportunity. Oh, this is positively giddying! Since she was a very cuddly unicorn – as long as no dirt dared to breach a five-yard radius, at least – Rarity was a little disappointed when Rainbow shuffled awkwardly against her. “Uh… I like being cosy and all, but I think we might be rivalling Pinkie Pie here.” Chuckling daintily, Rarity released her. “Yes, the laid-back, haphephobic-hooved pegasus I befriended all those years ago is here with me again. Now, please excuse me for a moment; I must exorcise an agitated poltergeist roaming my waterworks.” You need to exercise what?” Rainbow asked, baffled. Only when Rarity entered a cubicle and locked herself therein did the pegasus utter, “Oh! You need the toilet.” After Rarity had freed her figurative ghost, washed her hooves and touched up her appearance, she turned to Rainbow Dash and her impatient, scuffing hooves. “Well, the Conference Room awaits. I do hope that Twilight and Fluttershy are waiting for us. Shall we?” “Most sense I’ve heard all day,” Dash replied, entering a relaxed hover and making for the exit. Ah! No, no, no! One of the buckets I destroyed on the way in contained Rainbow’s...mouth-excrement! Why did you exacerbate things, you silly unicorn?! Unfortunately, whereas Rainbow Dash had the wings to fly right over the sopping mess, Rarity had only the spring in her hooves and a silent prayer that she might avoid landing in pegasus sick. By evolving her previous hop into a graceful leap, however, Rarity’s hooves alighted upon the corridor luckily unscathed. Now busy examining herself in a window to ensure she was sufficiently preened for another formal session, Rarity only heard Rainbow Dash remark, “That’s weird.” Frowning at an onset of déjà vu, Rarity vaguely remembered thinking the same thing upon her initial arrival outside the bathroom. She dismissed the irritating nag and did not look up as she called, “I know something feels iffy, darling, but I simply can’t pinpoint the source. What say we let it be and take our leave, hm?” “Say that after looking at this.” Her frown deepened. The prospect of more delays was not welcome to Rarity, but her curiosity could hardly ignore answers to the acute warning signs she had sensed before. “What troubles you, dear?” Rainbow jabbed a hoof to direct her gaze towards the floor, and the lone object lying broken upon it instantly justified the pegasus’s concern. “Oh, my… Now that is disconcerting…” The cause of Rarity’s earlier suspicion was embarrassingly obvious in hindsight. Having never ventured into this part of the castle before, tonight had been her first chance to behold the double doors acting as the grand entrance to the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the library—but even yesterday she had known that the place was permanently off-limits to all except royalty and the noblest of nobles. Someone, however, had clearly rewritten the rule book to suit their own dodgy motives, for the single piece of security that had repelled thieves and prying eyes for generations – a single yet extraordinarily powerful lock – lay mangled in a dark corner. “I knew something was missing on this door!” Rarity exclaimed. “Now anypony can just stroll inside and learn some undoubtedly questionable magic!” Rainbow Dash hoofed restlessly at the carpet, indecision diluting her desire for action. “Darn intruder! I’d barge in there right now and tackle their sorry flank into next week, but you’ve gotta think twice about taking on anything that managed to bust in there in the first place.” Humming in agreement, Rarity tried not to shudder with nerves. “Making a scratch on this lock would require ten times more magical potency than I could ever summon, so the power one would have to wield in order to do this… You know, darling, I’m beginning to think that the perpetrator does not have a flank at all.” Rainbow raised her eyebrows knowingly. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Eyes closed, Rarity nodded slowly. “I believe I am.” Even with her upper-class connections giving her a large number of suspects to mentally rift through, Rarity had already whittled them down to just one being who held the golden combination of means, motive and chaotic mind required to execute such a feat. Still, there’s a fundamental problem with this line of thinking… Rarity turned to Rainbow Dash in confusion. “The lock must have been smashed tonight, or somepony else would have noticed it before us. But this renders our theory similarly broken; Celestia will not have allowed him to sneak one filthy claw of his a single inch outside the Conference Room since the meeting began.” Dash smiled grimly. “And what was he to that meeting? Late.” If Rarity had been a judge, her hammer would have been falling to deliver Discord’s guilty verdict at that very moment. “…We must report this immediately. I fear to imagine what he has stolen…” Unfortunately, this plan died almost as quickly as it had been conceived when a tremendous CRASH echoed from within the library. Rarity and Rainbow Dash exchanged a wide-eyed, frozen look. “Somepony is still in there!” Rarity whispered urgently. “We should hurry downstairs and inform Princess Celestia!” But by the time she had finished talking, a smile had appeared on Rainbow Dash’s face that was filled with nothing but adventurous anticipation. ...Oh, Celestia save me, she’s going to charge in. Suddenly regretting bringing Rainbow Dash back around to her bold, courageous self, Rarity laughed nervously and said, “Investigating would be a tad, um, hasty, don’t you agree? My…my hooficure, you understand…and… Well…danger, yes?” Rainbow blinked. Realising that cosmetic excuses were assets that Dash would sooner liquidate than accept, Rarity stopped babbling and whimpered her last, hopeful suggestion in unabashed fear. “Perhaps now is the time to hoof it with our tails between our legs?” “What, and let some chubby night-guard reap all the glory? No way!” Dash lifted herself proudly upon her powerful hind legs and hopped combatively from one to the other, jabbing at an invisible opponent with her frontal hooves while flexing her wingspan. “Aww, yeah! Time for the great Rainbow Dash to add Epic Arrest of the Century to her already epic list of accomplishments!” “B-But—” “Come on, Rarity! Open the door and you can be my awesome assistant who uses her magic to make my lightning-fast moves of justice all flashy and stuff!” I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I’m definitely going to die. Oh, but I can’t abandon her! I care for her too much! Calm… Calm… Come, now… Fortune favours the brave… Rainbow’s expectant grin was the final nail in the coffin that Rarity sincerely hoped she wouldn’t be occupying by the end of the night. Hoof trembling slightly, Rarity pushed open the heavy double doors, and they entered the forbidden library.