//------------------------------// // Welcome Home! // Story: Soldier and Merasmus Magical Adventure of Friendship. // by coltesque //------------------------------// *I take no credit for any photos posted within the chapters Grim blackness swung blissfully by the tight crevices across the center hallway. Webs and mold were tucked beneath the solidifying shadows where the raccoon nests lye. Bitterness presses the fabrics and distilled vinyl furniture, moaning and creaking in agony. Rugs, Tables, and furnishings whine and howl for their owner’s return; Praying and weeping into the sorrowful, swishing winds. Grandfather Clock clicks un-rhythmically with a rocking and rolling twist, leaning front and back, front and back... Suddenly, the blistering breeze diminishes. Floorboards and creaky shelves started to shake, jittering in a panic, held down on cemented anxiety. Wood sticks pounding to the primitive beat, dancing about the tumbling dirt wads and clustered stone crumbs. More rapidly does the home shake... the drums pound, pound, POUND... then... All kneel patiently to the opened door! Two shadows crawl through the green, distilled and warped, tumbling into the light. “I knew this would be a pain in the ass, why do I even listen to you?” Loads of alcohol bottles scuffled through; jittering across the rusty wood floors. “All my wizardry and I can’t even move a pack of damn bottles!” He choked, brutally unsatisfied as each bottle conjured sluggishly into the dying room. “Hey Ya kno, I bet u culd take dose bottles a-“ “How many times must I say, that will not work!” Merasmus snapped sharply at his companion, held within a tangible sheet of levitation. “Wel maybe u culd-“ “No...” “What abou-“ “Nope...” “How about u-“ “No, No, and NO! Do you have nothing useful to say? You are a book for crying out loud!” “Hey, Dun’t judge ey book bah its cover ya know?” “... Honestly, why do I put up with you?!” “Eyy I said dun’t judge a book by its colors ya know?” Bombinomicon swished by Merasmus shoulder, cross-eyed and delirious while being brushed off like a bad cold. Merasmus stepped by the carpeted corner, throwing ectoplasm across the dying room. “A book can get drunk, a book for crying out loud! And I can’t even have a single blasted drink without the alcohol running from me!” He turns tenderly with blushing eyes towards the filled liquor, which bolted away in a cartoonish spring, screaming for dear life. With a deep sigh, Merasmus cupped his ear on his palm, visually scavenging floor cracks and sawdust particles at rest. His other hand rummaged through his coat, pulling out a dismembered medic arm; shaken and swished about before a good tossing behind. “What a waste of time, honestly, I’m not even affected by mortal weapons! All just to kill off everyone Soldier held dear... until I found out he completely forgot about that battle. Yet even after he left one week into the fight, there I was, killing them all like I was programmed to do it or something stupid like that...” Bombinomicon flapped into a floppy dismount, wobbling a bookstand lean on his shoulder. “Ey, yu- you know, like a videu game or somethin...” “What are yo-“ In the blink of an eye, Soldier popped from the carnivorous crevices of the carpeted corner, rotating his hand in a half circle to his arm’s momentum above his head. Merasmus screeched, twisting his body across the stair post in horror. “Wha- I- How, whe-“ Soldier flicked his finger like a zippo lid and tapped his cigar on his right thumb, sizzling the silence with charred cigar bits. “I got bored... that, and you left the door unlocked. Oh, and I missed Lieutenant Bite too! Isn’t that right you little rascal!” He rubbed and patted the little raccoon as his jaws were currently attached to his hand. Merasmus mouth stretched across his wardrobe to his knees, dribbling and bouncing with basketball sized eyes. “Also, some lady walked by a couple of days ago and moved the raccoon preserve! She said something about ‘changing environments’ and ‘population counts’, whatever that means.” A dim silence echoed across the dying room as Merasmus clicked his chin in place and cleared his throat. A sinister, demented smile creped across his cheeks like two fishing reels yanking a catch. His neck slightly creaked with a single eye twitching, twisting his position towards Soldier. “I suppose that means we- no, I, could live here again. That explains the lack of tourists. Where did they move the preserve...?” Soldier shook his hand around, stuffing his boot on the raccoon’s forehead, until Sargent Bite let go. “Out of the house...” “Of course it’s out of the house you moron! Why wo-“ “And in the basement! I’ll go get them now!” Soldier slips across the ground into the green flames and out popped 5 quivering raccoons with torched fur. The fishing hooks stretched even more, reeling in the catch. “Allow me to introduce the family! This here is Sargent Squirmy, and this is Private Chew, O! O! And this is Captain Admiral Stripes III, he always foams from the mouth when he gets wet, tough little rodent here! O! And this i-“ The hooks ripped from his cheeks and twisted his gums to flap around his teeth, rumbling and quaking with bursting vocals. “ENOUGH! DO YOU TAKE ME FOR A FOOL YOU IGNORANT... FOOL! I AM MARASMUS, THE WIZARD OF MISERY, THE SORCERER OF SPELLS, T-“ Before he could finish, Soldier stepped up and started the fireplace, spewing lime and gray flames, stripping pieces of the petrified carpet for little raccoon comforters. “You honestly don’t care do you...?” Without a response, Marasmus trudged towards the stairs, before being halted. “Hey Merasmus!” “What Soldier...” “Do you know how I got through that fire without burning?” “At this moment Soldier... I am not obliged to care...” His hollow spirit was close to tracing away, when Soldier strained his voice with a vocal assault. “HEY!” Merasmus swung his body and rocked like a cradling punching bag, spewing steam and hatred from his ears. “WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT NOW?!” Actual, Physical traces of pure ungodly hate were flowing from Merasmus hollow spirit, sparkling across his body like chilled electricity. “I made a campfire, want to roast marshmallows?” Merasmus pointed his index finger at twelve O’ Clock, pondering, but released his muscle tensions and solemnly sighed. “I suppose... it should get this blasted day as far away from my mind as physically possible...” “What’s on your mind Marasmus? You could tell me, that’s what friends are for right? I’m always listening.” Marasmus and Soldier walked peacefully to the back porch as the demented wizard’s eye twitched coherently with his neck and shoulders. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Innocent little embers ran to the swarming stars, falling faintly into the darkness. The moon tucked away from the flares, shaking behind the curtain of stars in an episode of anxiousness. Stones and dirt clods hopped and skipped in a tribal ritual around the scolding fireplace, hugging closest to Merasmus coat. Trees, leaves, bushes, and grasses rooted themselves moderately far from the campfire, catching the dimmed ashes and smoke. Merasmus lied down on the ground, attempting to fumble into a comfortable position away from Soldier’s needy eyes and awkward panting, which smothered the soothing ambience of scratching raccoons and muffled banter of wretched souls. Merasmus jumped up like a fence post, staring into Soldier’s dull, marble eyes. “Erm... Soldier, would you be so kind as to stop staring at me?” There was no response. Merasmus floated higher, it was odd of Soldier to not act... odd. “Hello? Soldier? Anyone home?” He wove his hand through Soldier’s Face, not conjuring a single result. He inspected for a closer look, bending around for signs of life. “Well Soldier, this is a n-“ Out from the bushes leapt a green cameo maniac, holding a burning shovel up to Marasmus fear induced face, screaming like a murder victim. On closer inspection, this maniac was no maniac at all. “HAHAHAHAHA, you should have seen the look on your face! Priceless, Hahaha!” Soldier fell to his lower back, cradling and rocking as he laughed himself to exhaustion. Swiveling out of the bush, Bombinomicon chuckled under a harsh hiccup, stabilizing himself like a bird with a broken wing. “Yeh, U shuld have seen your *hiccup!*, mmm face hahaha” Merasmus hopped to his hollow drape bottom, brushing down his chest with a smirk sense of denial. He gave a death glare to Soldier, completely ignoring that blasted book. “I would be upset, but I’ve expected no less from someone like you...” His back straightened to a half-circle bend from a horizontal base, shifting his collar and rustling his transparent tie straight. “Lighten up Merasmus, we’re just enjoying ourselves! We weren’t laughing at you, w- actually we were, but YOUR FACE WAS SO FUNNY! HAHAHA! He got fooled by A DOLL!” Soldier smashed his back into a painful crack on the ground; rocking in agonizing laughter, Bombinomicon wanted out of the incoming hurricane. Merasmus pulsed lime green, his cloth charred alchemically. “Lighten up Merasmus...” He turned his back, broadening his shoulders and sucking in a vacuum of air. “YOU EXPECT ME TO LIGHTEN UP?!?! You’ve destroyed my house, ruined my study, obliterated my kitchen, turned my home into a god forsaken rats’ nes-“ “HAY! That is disrespectful!” Soldier slipped a hand underneath his jacket, pulling out a raccoon, fixated with a miniature beret. “Say you’re Sorry to Lieutenant Bites!” Merasmus lifted from thin air the mangy rodent and tossed it into the bushes. Soldier yelled in sorrow, but was swiftly interrupted. “I WILL NOT APOLOGISE TO THE RODENT THAT HELPED RUIN MY HOUSE! I have WASTED my undead life killing off your damn pests Red and Blue, and you expect me to loosen up?!” Soldier cowered into the corner shortly, taking deep, anxious breaths before shaking it off. He pouted off into the grass, showing his back to Merasmus with a high lifted chin. “And to think I made a bonfire for you...” Merasmus rummaged through the fire in rebellion, screeching in anguish and irritancy. “I could care LESS about your insignificant fire! You wo.... wait...” Merasmus put his hound snout into the burning core, whiffing foul odor and familiar spells. “What did you put in this fire...?” Soldier stood in militant form, marching towards the fire with an angular bend into its tip. He loosened himself, answering with falsified pleasure. “Well, since the raccoons got into the basement, I thought I would pick up some fire wood from there!” “... and what else?” “Oh just some old books, oh, and your dead body.” “MY WHAT?!” Merasmus threw the charred materials into the air, grabbing his body like a suit in an anti-gravitational zone. He slipped into the body, surprised as none of the materials burned, must have been some fire-retardant spells Soldier threw in there by mistake. His arms and neck were slightly decomposed; his face had shards of bone and rotting flesh near the cheeks. He tried to testify the witness with a derogatory finger, but it snapped out of place as Merasmus foolishly fumbled to slip it back in. He cleared his throat through the awkward silence, and resumed his bratty rant. “This is the last straw... I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THIS!” He grabbed Bombinomicon from the floating charred stockpile, flipping through his pages with a disjointed mumble. “Do you not have any teleportation spells?” Bombinomicon swished from his arms, stabilizing as the alcohol began to wear off. “Well... I thunk so, but I don’t know what when happen if I-“ “JUST DO IT!” Soldier stood stupefied, picking his ear, unaffected by Merasmus words of disgust. Merasmus grounded himself, holding both ends of the Bombinomicon, shouting the ancient words of an apprentice wizard. “Vondar Bestalagosta Amanagus... umm... GetTheHellAwayagus!” Orbiting lumens of light traced into spheres across Merasmus body, striking thunder from his appendages. The book pages flipped rapidly, the ground shook as a circular shape traced around Soldier, yet he seemed to continuously not care. Raccoons bolted from the front door, cowering around Soldier’s ankles. A strike of dark red lighting hit the circle and gaped open, Soldier and the raccoons fell in. Cries echoed harshly, falling faint until sealed by the ground. Bombinomicon grounded himself, looking up at Merasmus with wide eyes. “Where you done send him?” Merasmus danced in a ballet of tip toes to the front door, throwing his arms around, extending a rainbow above his head. “I could care less! I’M FREE, FREEE!” Merasmus ran through the front door, echoes of hysteric laughter disturbing the rustling grasses and tortured trees. Depressingly, Bombinomicon flapped back to the front door, shutting it with a rumbling quake. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Owww lord, what happened?” In the midst of his confusion stood a Pink mare, holding him down by the shoulders and giggling uncontrollably. “Hi there! I’m Pinkie Pie!”