//------------------------------// // In Which The Boss is Bothered and an Artist Gives Advice // Story: Gun, With Occasional Pony // by Squeak-anon //------------------------------// Chapter 4 In Which The Boss is Bothered and an Artist Gives Advice “How are you Squeaks?” asked Sethisto. I’m sure if he’d had fingers he would have steepled them. I’d known Sethisto-‘Seth’ for short- since the start of the OC. I still wasn’t quite sure how he managed to talk, lacking a mouth among other things, but if anything it was his talent. While in the early days it might have gotten him into trouble now and again, these days he had no such worries; being head of Equestria Daily had it’s benefits. Almost every bit of information worth knowing went through him first. I doubted he’d talk, but accident or no this was a good opportunity to get some answers. “I’m well,” I lied. “nothing to complain about.” “Good, good. Come to get your job back?” I smiled. “No such luck, I’ve actually come on a case.” “Still on that detective thing are you? Very well then, I’d just like you to know you old position always open.” “Good to know. I came here to talk to Madmax, but while I’m here do you mind if I ask you a few questions?” The chair spun slightly. “I don’t see why not. I’m always here to answer questions for the press.” He laughed at is own joke. “Good, I’ll make this short and sweet then.” I sat down. “Ragingsemi.” “Hmmm?” he murmmered. Something in his voice told me he’d heard me perfectly. “Ragingsemi was murdered last night in a motel in the FiM-District,” I said flatly.“Heard anything about it, Seth?” His chair spun back and forth as he thought. Don’t ask me how. “I’m very sorry to hear that Squeaks,” He said in a plastic, practiced sort of way. “I had no idea. Simply ghastly, poor fellow.” I eyed the cube warily. Sethisto had eyes and ears in almost every corner of the OC and There was no way in hell I was going to believe he was in the dark on this. I had to press him further. “Oh, too bad then,” I said with mock disappointment. “Well then, at least I can be of some help to the paper. You know, Informing you of this terrible event and all that stuff. Now that you know, I’m sure you’ll update the papers post haste?” I raised my eyebrow in a detective-y sort of way. Sethisto was quiet for a moment. “Well, these things take time, Squeaks, you must understand that running a paper is by no means easy. It could take days, even weeks, to get a headline like that out.” “Oh yes, I understand.” I got up to leave. “You do?” asked Seth, surprised. “Er...I mean of course you do. You’re a sensible pony, as always.” I paused dramatically as I came to the elevator. “True, I am sensible.” I peered back at him, looking about where I figured his eyes might be. “And my sensibilities are wondering something.” “What’s that?” “Well, the way I see it, the paper you’re running is magic, correct?” “...Yes.” I could hear the unease in his voice. “So, it updates itself within the day it’s purchased, correct?” “Well, yes... but the articles have to be written before it updates! That takes time, Squeak.” I nodded “Oh, of course. I understand completely.” “One must go through all the procedures and all that. Nothing to be done about it...” “Good, I’m glad you’re being understanding about thi-” “...Which is why,” I cut him off, smilingly slightly, “I’d like my job back.” I could almost see his non-existent face pull back in surprise “What?” “My job. You said you need someone to write the article, make sure it’s on the up and up. So, give me my job back. I’ll do it.” It was silent in the office for a while. I was hoping he wouldn’t call my bluff, but I could tell he was scared. Seth had a worse poker face than me, which is hard for a guy lacking such a feature. I stared him down some more, daring him to take me up on the offer. He broke first “Okay fine! I can’t have that article get out Squeaks.” “Oh, and why’s that Seth?” I asked, taking a step towards him. “Is it because you know something you don’t want the rest of us to know?” I took another step. “Because I’ve had a little theory since I came here.” I came still closer. “There’s been a lot of....questionable things on the blog over the years.” Step. “The Pony Panty Scandal.” Step. “The ‘Saucy’ pics in the Drawfriends articles.” I was almost nose to...whatever he had, with him by this point. “The sensual fiction bundles. All that was fine and dandy, I didn’t mind in the least. But you know what I think? I think you were planing to let fapfics in next, and Raging was your competition. Am I in the ballpark, Seth?” I leaned in so far I could smell the cheap leather of his seat. “I think you wanted to corner the market. Couldn’t have the old steady blocking your path, now could you? I was going to ask Madmax about it, but I’m sure now. Why else would you suppress this information? Why else would you be so unwilling to tell me what’s really going on, and why else would The Great and Powerful Trixie kissing Twilight be the heading for a story about socks?” I almost fell over the table I had leaned in so far. “That has to be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” said Seth curtly. I deflated slightly. “Huh?” “Squeaks, I’m going to level with you. I like you. You were a good employee here at the paper and I really did enjoy having you, but you were a much better writer than you are a detective.” I levered myself back across the table. “Then why don’t you help me out and fill in some blanks, Seth?” He sighed. “Fine, it’s obvious, no matter how misguided your suspicions, you’re not going to quit this.” I shook my head. “Nope.” “So I’m going to give you three pieces of advice: One, there are some very big players in this game, Squeaks, way bigger than me and a hell of a lot bigger than you. I’d turn around now, go back to your office and forget any of this ever happened. Two, because of reason one, I cannot tell you any more about it than this. For your own good, of course; I would be honestly sorry to see you killed, and you will be. And my final advice is, if you’re going to see Madmax, press the fifty-second button from the top, twenty third from the side, and tell her I said hi.” I stared at the cube for a while; he was telling the truth as far as I could tell, and that put me back to square one. It looked like from here on out I was going to have to roll the dice in the dark and hope I didn’t loose. “Thank you for your time, Seth,” I said, turning to the elevator. “Like I said,” Seth’s chair turned back to the window. “anything for the press.” The elevator doors opened with a ding, somepony walked out as I went inside. It was Derpy, a package in her mouth as usual. I tipped my hat to her. She noted me briefly then turned to Seth and said “Mail!” around the parcel. “Oh are those my custom Trixie plushies!?” asked Seth eagerly. Then he seemed to remember I was still in the room and quickly said, “Um...for that article.” I couldn’t help cracking a slight smile. Some things never changed. I quickly located the button Seth had directed me to. Bracing myself against the floor I pressed it and waited for the ride to begin. It was quite a surprise when the car rolled leisurely to the left and opened with a casual ‘ding’. Madmax’s room was a large one, she was one of the Fandom’s most recognized artist, and therefor a very big idea. I’d always suspected a small amount of my own idea’s size was due to her. Artist were a peculiar lot in the OC, the more popular their work the more they could do. A good artist could bring someone into the OC with a few strokes of a pencil. Quite a few ponies owed the fact they were here at all to her. She’d worked for the Equestria Daily since the beginning. I could remember the days when it was just her, myself Sly, Pacce, Nathan and a few others. The days of little corner offices and making jokes about the latest episode while eating junk from Brewers, a local shop. Things had changed a lot since then, but we’d still remained friends. The walls and curtains were green, her favorite color, the chairs and couches were variations of this. Her desk sat over in the corner, slightly disorganized. It seemed everyone I knew could do with a maid. Above it were posters from certain episodes. I briefly noticed that Party of One was prominently displayed at the forefront. “Maxie!?” I called. “You here?” “Hmm?” I heard a sound from the kitchen. “Who is it?” “It’s Squeak! I need to ask you something.” I heard some shuffling for a moment before her head appeared in the doorway. Her twin ponytails swinging around the frames of her large green glasses. “Sqqqeeeeeuuuuuuuaaaakkk!” She exclaimed. “Maaaaxxxxxiiieeeeeeee!” I yelled back, smiling. It was a bit of a running joke between the two of us. We’d done it once at the office, back in the old days, and one of the new pony’s had remarked on how annoying it was. Since then it had become our customary greeting. She trotted over smiling and gave me a quick hug. “So, what brings you here, lover?” her eyelids fluttered as she spoke. I tried to say something cool. “Nothing but you, sweet thing.” We held each other’s gaze for several minutes, but I was the fist to crack. I burst out laughing. She couldn’t hold it long after that, and began to giggle. A while back there had been several fics and pictures put out ‘Shipping’ the two of us together. Along with various rumors and whispers. In reality we were only good friends, we often made a joke out of the whole thing. I remember last April Foals she’d sent me a picture of her looking at the camera with the customary “XOXOX” at the bottom. I still kept it sitting on my desk to freak people out. “So,” she said, wiping away a tear. “What really brings you here?” “I’m on a case. Not having much luck though.” I sighed. “My last suspect was a bust.” “Oh, you mean about Semi?” “Ah, so you know about that?” I’d figured as much. “Well tell me what you know, maybe It’ll fill in the gaps.” Maxie sat on the couch. She had a habit of sitting like Lyra, her favorite background pony. It was an odd, vaguely unnatural position for a pony on it’s own, sitting upright, let alone when using the armrest. I briefly noted that since we didn’t technically have arms, it didn’t make sense for almost every chair in this world to have armrest. But If I chalked up everything that didn’t make sense in the OC, I’d have a modest paperback. “Well, as you probably figured out form talking to Seth,” Maxie began. “they’re keeping this whole thing quiet. I haven’t been able to figure much out, all I know is that when the news came in everypony was at their post to get the newest edition out. The article was almost ready for print when Seth sent Derpy down to the news room with a notice.” “A notice?” I was short on leads, I needed anything I could get my hooves on. “Have you got a copy?” “Sure.” Her horn glowed green, a small scrap of paper floated from her drawing desk and situated itself in front of my face. NOTICE All News Regarding the Recent Death of one, Raging Semi are not to be printed by Order of the /Co/mpound Mods, pending and investigation. Please cease any work on the story, and resume your regular posts. There is currently a rumor about the Great and Powerful Trixie appearing in season two, please focus on that instead. I hope it’s true! -Seth “What? That’s not right....” I murmured. “You noticed?” asked Maxie, raising an eyebrow. “The Mods ordered no such thing.” I grabbed the paper from the air, I noticed it tasted vaguely of flour. I sat it on the table and inspected it closely. “When was the last time the Mods gave two shits about what happened to us? It was only one of the few sympathetic ones that managed to let me in at all. They’d never put out any kind of press silence. Let alone make any actual effort to solve this case. Even if they were, since when would that matter to Seth? This notice is a complete lie, and a bad one at that.” “Exactly.” said Maxie. “I’m pretty sure everyone on the floor knows it’s manure, but they’re not saying anything. This whole thing’s got them scared Squeak.” “Scared?” I knew a murder was nothing to sneeze at, but some would say Semi had it coming. Why would other contributors be scared? “Mmhhh,” She nodded “there haven’t been anymore murders as far as I know...but word on the street is some ponies are disappearing Squeak.” Now I was getting somewhere. “Disappearing? Like who?” “I haven’t heard many names yet, but from what I have heard it seems ship-writers are being targeted.” “Ship-writers? There’s a billion of those, who would be picking them off? It’s not like you could make a dent.” Maxie’s horn glowed again. A smokers pipe floated from somewhere, she placed it gently in her mouth and continued. “That’s what I don’t get.” a puff of rainbow colored smoke snaked up into the air, it smelled faintly of candy. “If this is true it’d be like trying to stop a river with a wine cork. Useless.” “Exactly...is there anything in particular you’ve noticed about those rumored to be missing?” Maxie chewed the end of her pipe as she thought. I remembered when she got that pipe, it was after a comic release celebrating two million Equestria Daily’s sold. I’d asked her what was in it several times, but she never told me. “Well, the last I heard was a pony named...Coffeebean hadn’t been seen in a while.” She pondered. “Only name I can recall.” She took another drag of the pipe. “Hey, you want to go to Mc’Ronalds? We could take The Van and think things over there.” For some reason whenever she used that pipe it always made her want Mc’ronalds, a fast food joint near the Writer’s Guild building. Maxie was one of the few ponies in the OC who actually owned a car; a really fruity number with a unicorn spray painted on the side. I’d taken her up on the offer once to find out to my dismay that The Van flew, Rainbow Dash style, through town. During that ride to Mc’Rondalds I’d made peace with the fact I was probably going to die to the sound of the Erasure song ‘Always’. Maxie drove like a maniac when she was hungry, and for some reason the radio only picked up that one song. “No thanks.” I said quickly. “I’ve got to follow this lead. Pacce might know something about this Coffee Bean guy. Thanks for the help Max.” I grabbed the notice between my teeth. “Anytime Squeak.” Said Maxie. “But let me help you out, you look ridiculous holding things in your mouth all the time. You can borrow one of my saddlebags.” And that’s how I found myself once again in the elevator, only this time wearing a bright green saddlebag with a flower on the side. Oh well, at least I wouldn’t have to carry things earth pony style anymore. Maxie had been kind enough to pack a few things as well. She’d given me a few request tabs, good for one Madmax drawing, they were some of the best currency in the OC. They might prove useful should I have to bribe anypony. Along with a pencil and some paper. I had no idea what she thought I might use them for. It’s not very often an earth pony learns to draw beyond basic writing. Have you ever tried to draw a Q with your mouth? I looked at the many buttons on the elevator wall. Finally I knew which one to press. The lobby button, the very first one near the door. It would take me back to the Writer’s Room, and I could get out of this madhouse. I pressed the button and for the third time that day, braced myself against the elevator floor. The car jerked to life, and lurched to the right. I leaned hard to the left and managed to stay upright. I was getting good at this. The car then heaved forwards, throwing me into the back wall with a heavy thud. Never mind. I was suddenly pressed against the floor as it hurtled upwards. I could hardly breathe as my chest was compressed by the force of the ascent. As it rose faster The pressure on my ribs became almost unbearable. For the second time that day I silently wondered if I could break any bones. The elevator slowed suddenly, launching me a short ways into the air. I hung weightless for a moment. This wasn’t normal. The elevator never slowed, it always stopped on a dime. I didn’t know much about science-as little as there was here anyway- but as far as I knew there was only one way I could be floating like this. The tingling in my stomach told me something bad was about to happen. That feeling when you get to the top of a roller coaster, and there’s a moment when you think ‘Oh shit’. Except on this coaster I had the feeling there wouldn’t be any tracks at the bottom. My own scream interrupted my thoughts as the car fell into a spinning decent. I was in free fall. Somehow, whatever force that pulled the cars had gone haywire. It turned over and over as it fell. I was violently tossed to celling. I saw stars as my head impacted one of the lights. It shattered, sending glass whirling into air as I spun end over end back onto the floor. I could feel it cutting into my legs as I smashed into paneling. The buttons on the wall flashing wildly like street signs on steroids. I stopped feeling things after a while, a blessing if you ask me. I felt like a rag doll in a tumble dryer. Finally my head hit one wall too many. Darkness approached at the corners of my eyes. Dizzy, and incredibly nauseous, I blacked out. Edited by Lightsideluc: http://lightsideluc.deviantart.com/