Algebra, Nightmare Moon and Me

by M1Garand8

*2* A Harem of Assignments

Foreword: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It belongs to Hasbro and Lauren Faust.

“How could you do this to me!?” the matrix shouted at me.

Strong winds swept between us as we stood apart in a barren wasteland, facing each other. I could hear the mighty crash of waves on the base of the cliff we were standing on. Tears streamed down Matrix’s face as she glared at me.

“But I had no choice! You knew how bad I am with mathematics, Matrix!” Sadness tore at my heart as I watched the four-by-four matrix buried her face in her hands and bawled. It was actually amazing how she did that, without hands and a face.

“Those horrible, horrible square roots, cube roots, sixth roots and eighth roots! All multiplied together improperly!” the matrix bawled even louder. “And all the forms not even simplified! H-how could you!?”

“I…” I reached a hand out towards the mathematical construct. “I’m sorry, Matrix…”

“You even left one of us empty, empty! Poor Counter-clockwise x-axis rotation matrix never got to know the fill of integers, the sharp relief of square roots and the slender stroke of division!” Somehow, Matrix pointed a finger at me, despite having none. “You are a monster!”

I felt my eyes grow wet. “But the instructor has shown me the light! I won’t commit such mistakes ever again!”

“Liar! You said that to poor Perspective Transformation matrix last semester and look how she turned out! Those horribly, horribly wrong horizontal and vertical perspective scaling!”

I took a step towards Matrix. “I-I know I’m bad at algebra but look, I passed my midterms this time!”

“You barely passed! And you still treated us poorly!” Matrix took a step back. “Never again I will listen to your lies!”

I took another step forward. “Matrix, please… Don’t do this!”

Matrix shook her head, despite not having one. “I-I just want this pain… to end!” She took a step off the cliff.

I dashed forward but she had already disappeared over the edge before I even took five steps. All I saw was the mighty splash of waves on the sandstone cliff when I skidded to a stop at the edge. I scampered back when my fear of heights set in.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

I bolted awake on my bed. Rubbing a hand on my face, I let it fall to my side and stared at the stoned ceiling. Nightmare Moon had gotten up early—or as early as I could tell, because the moon never set—and was nowhere in sight. A note stuck on the headboard told me she had already made breakfast.

Without a word, I grabbed my glasses off the nightstand and swung my feet onto the cold floor. I made a bee line to the bathroom and emerged refreshed (and my glasses on) several minutes later. Putting a pair of slippers on, I proceeded out of the bedroom. There was nary a guard or a servant as I walked down the empty corridors lit periodically by flickering orange torches.

When I pushed through the violet double door into the high ceilinged dining room, Nightmare had already sat at the head of a long dining table, a toast levitated in her magic grasp. For once, she wasn’t wearing her gaudy pale steel blue armor. She looked way prettier au naturel, anyway. The dim glittery light from the huge hanging chandelier highlighted her misty mane in a nice, soft yellow glow.

“Good evening, dear,” she said.

I scarcely noted all the ready placed plates and bowls of toasts and fruit salad on the table as I sank into a seat across her. “Good morning, honey…” I made a face. “You know, it gets a little confusing when it’s night all the time…” Seriously, where were all the maids?

“Fret not, Garand.” A butter knife was added to the collection of floating things. “You would get used to… Wait, it’s been night for the past five years and you should have been used to this…” A look of concern crossed her face. “Did you sleep well?”

“Kind of… Had a weird dream, I think.” I shrugged. “It’s not like I haven’t been having them since young.”

That piqued the interest of Nightmare. “Pray tell, what weird dream did you have? They are always rather interesting…” She leaned forward in her seat.

I hesitated for a moment before sighing and spoke for five minutes. Nightmare listened with two full ears, which was noteworthy as ponies usually kept one ear free to listen for threats.

“Now, now… dear, it may be bizarre but it’s only a dream,” Nightmare Moon said when I was done talking. She lathered rich, yellow butter on the toast. “Do not dwell much on it!”

I stared glumly at the dark alicorn. “If it’s only that simple…” I said.

The butter knife held in the glittering blue glow of Nightmare Moon’s magic scraped another dollop of butter and added it to the already thick spread on the toast. “It is. Such dreams would fade rapidly from your consciousness unless you keep thinking about it. So, stop dwelling on it.”

I sighed. “Well, I guess…” My face landed on the polished wooden surface with a flat plonk. “But dreaming about emo matrices is a first.” A shudder ran through my body at the memory.

Finally, the butter knife was set on the table and Nightmare took a bite of the toast. “You have a wonderful imagination,” she said as she chewed. “But dreaming about talking numbers is so unlike you, Garand.”

I frowned at the dark alicorn. “How would it be unlike me? I deal with matrices all time.” I pushed my face off the table. “It comes with being a game programmer.”

Now, a look of worry crossed Nightmare’s face. “This weird dream of yours is affecting you strangely. I have no clue of this role of ‘game programmer’ you speak of.” She looked me in the eyes. “You have always been an artist. I would know, since you drew my first official portrait. You captured the curves of my flank so well…” Her cheeks colored in a blush.

I blinked once, then twice. I did Nightmare’s portrait? My face scrunched in frown. “No way, I can’t draw my ass out of a paper bag. How could I have done your portrait?”

Nightmare stared at me incredulously. “You are clearly not well, dear.” Her lit horn grew brighter briefly and a painting popped into existence. “You did this portrait, remember?”

It was an exquisite oil portrait of Nightmare lying luxuriantly on a pile of purple silken pillows (she had a thing for purple colored things). She was, like now, divest of her usual regal accoutrements. Her hind legs lay on their sides and splayed just slightly apart enough to be inviting and showed off her supple flanks. A fang poked out of a small smirk on her muzzle as she stared with a half-lidded gaze at the painter.

It was a look that shouted an invitation into an embrace of a goddess of the night or the look of a predator smiling at her meal. … Well, maybe a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B. Anyway, there was no way I could have done this; it looked like it was done by someone with at least ten years of painting experience!

A hand rubbed my chin absentmindedly. “Nope, doesn't ring a bell.”

Nightmare’s jaw dropped so much that I swore someone could shove one of those Nightmare Night spider plushy into her mouth easily. “What!?” Nightmare shot to her hooves. The portrait winked out of existence. The toast, forgotten in her magical grasp, flopped onto the table as the magic winked out.

She trotted towards me. “Are you sure you are alright, dear?” There was worry in her voice and it reflected in her eyes. “You are acting very differently.”

“Different?” I crossed my arms. “I don’t feel different.”

Nightmare bit her lips as she got closer. “No, something is wrong.” A thought seemed to occur to her as her fang popped out through a smirk. Her stride became slower and the roll of her flanks became pronounced. “Perhaps, you require some ‘reminding’, mmm?” Nightmare ran a tongue over her exposed fang.

“Uh…” I raised a finger. “Are you doing what I think you’re doing?”

Nightmare’s smirk got bigger. “And what do you think I am doing?”

“Well—”

“What would you like for breakfast, master?” A flanging voice cut me off.

Nightmare stopped mid-stride. I turned to the source of voice and stared incredulously at the sight of Queen Chrysalis, resplendent in a French maid outfit. It was something right out of those fanservicey anime.

I looked from Chrysalis to a plate of ready-made toasts and back to Chrysalis. “… Since when are you my personal maid?” I asked.

“Since you and Nightmare married, of course.” Chrysalis said nonchalantly. “Now, may I have your order, your highness?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Really? Not because Dr. Dastardly Algebra put you on here?”

“Of course, not.” Chrysalis placed a hoof on her chest. “I’ve always been—”

“Chrysalis!” Nightmare bellowed. “Tis not thy snack time!”

Chrysalis snorted and faced Nightmare. “And here you are sneaking a meal past me. I can’t let that slip by now, can’t I?”

I looked from Nightmare to Chrysalis and back. “Am I in a dream…?” I muttered.

The two of them turned to me. “No!”

Night turned back to Chrysalis. “It is as we sayeth, tis not thy snack time, begone!”

Chrysalis snorted again. “And as I’ve said, you’re sneaking a meal past me, Nightmare.”

My hands rose and rubbed my temples in sync. I could feel a headache developing.

“We art not! We art merely in the proceeding of embracing a night of passion with our mate!” Nightmare said.

Chrysalis jabbed her face right up to Nightmare’s. “Now, pray tell, isn’t that having a meal? I feed on love, don’t you remember?”

A grinding sound emanated from Nightmare. “Of course we knowest, thou moth eaten mane of a bug!”

Chrysalis pressed her face in harder. “What did you just call me, purple butt?”

“Thou art an overgrown beetle with a love stricken belly!” Nightmare pushed back.

“Why you, you mutant freak of an earth pony!”

“Swiss cheese hooves!”

“Purple maned crybaby!”

I facepalmed. As Nightmare opened her mouth for another snide retort, a bellowing laughter cut through the mostly empty space of the room. It was Dr. Dastardly Algebra.

“I see you are enjoying your married life, Garand!” he said.

My eyes darted to the cartoon supervillain, his yellow spandex suit a stark contrast to the somewhat dreary surroundings.

I rubbed my temples again and glared into his white covered eyes. “What do you want?”

Dr. Dastardly Algebra laughed. “Checking up on my archnemesis, of course!”

Nightmare and Chrysalis stared with wide eyes as he walked up to the dining table. “And to bring you some guests!”

My eyes narrowed at Dr. Dastardly Algebra. “Guests? What guests?”

Dr. Dastardly Algebra said nothing, only to whistle loudly with two fingers. There was a rumble of hoof falls and the double doors bulged visibly before bursting open with a loud crack.

“Where is he? Where is he!?”

A herd of five mares fell into the room in a mess of limbs. They quickly gathered up and galloped towards me.

“What—” The wall of ponies slammed into me.

A pair of light brown hooves pawed on my chest. “You promised me to code out the assignment for the Knapsack problem!” The earth pony’s large green eyes that were partially covered by yellow bangs stared into my soul. “You promised!”

I glared at Dr. Dastardly Algebra. “Why the hell is there pony versions of my semester modules here!?” T-this had to be a dream!

My archnemesis laughed. “They miss you so dearly, Garand! It seemed that even in your paradise, you can’t escape your school obligations!”

A yellow and brown earth pony mare butted the pony version of my Algorithm Analysis module off me. The hooves that replaced the previous pony’s now shook me violently. “You were supposed to spend time with me on your pathfinding assignment!” Why hello there, Miss Game AI. “I’m going—” She was thrown unceremoniously away with a burst of magic.

A cyan unicorn mare with steel gray mane glared at me. “You never ever paid attention to me and wrote horse words in class!”

Well, Databases wasn’t really that hard or important anyway… She seemed to have picked that thought off my head, because she suddenly gave me a gaze so piercing that it quite literally burned through my soul. Well, burned through it worse than Miss Algorithm Analysis anyway. A pair of deep purple hooves shoved her aside.

The owner of the pair of purple flapped into view. “You aren’t paying enough attention to me! And I’m your most important subject!” The pegasus huffed, crossed her fore legs and turned her nose up from me.

Her hovering allowed me to peek at her cutie mark: a three dimensional model of my Game Project’s robot character. Compared to Miss Algorithm Analysis and Miss Game AI, Miss Game Project was rather tame in her actions. However, they all paled to the next pony:

“YOU MADE ME LATE!”

“What!?” Nightmare bellowed out before I could even reply. “What dost thou imply by thy words!?”

“I’M LATE IN BEING SUBMITTED!”

Nightmare lowered her stance and pawed the ground with a hoof. “Ist that what you fillies proclaim for nights of passion nowadays!?”

Miss Computer Graphics II glared at Nightmare. “Nights of passion?” She scoffed. “I wouldn’t let him touch me with a twenty foot pencil if I didn’t need him to complete all the code for rendering and controlling a lousy model tank!” Miss Computer Graphics II stomped a hoof on the ground. “And I’m already late!” She turned her glare on me. “And that’s fifteen percent off the grade!”

“How dare you raise thy voice on my beloved!?” Nightmare’s horn lit up. The five mares found themselves wrapped in a blue glow. “Now begone!”

“No! He needs to be with me!” the simultaneous voices of five mares roared. I wondered why I haven’t gone deaf yet. After the outburst, none of the mares stopped protesting. Nightmare even joined the cacophony of voices which rose in each second.

My headache became unbearable. “AAAAAAAAARRRGH, STOOOOOOOOOOOP!”

My eyes shot open. Seeing the wheat color ceiling of my apartment was a relief. The bright morning light streaming in from the balcony window told me it was at least eight in the morning. My eyes felt full of sand and I fought the urge to rub them. Despite having slept for five hours (a quick peek at my watch confirmed that), I didn’t feel rested at all. My mouth dropped open in a yawn.

Turning my head left and right, I made sure I wasn’t in that whacked up place of a cartoon super villain, Queen Chrysalis, Nightmare Moon and… personifications of my semester modules. That last bit was a doozy. I mean a harem of Assignments? I’d rather shoot myself then subject myself to that fate—

Oh wait, I already did, because I’m in DigiPen. It was pretty much the Harvard of Game Development Colleges and the amount of assignments were staggering. Game Projects, programming assignments, programming assignments and more programming assignments. The only solace was that I had no Math this semester. Else I would probably cry myself to sleep every night or something.

Well, not really but I liked to be dramatic when I was thinking to myself. Swinging my legs onto a carpeted floor—now that was the correct texture of the floor I’d expect—and tiptoed past the wardrobe to the adjoining bathroom. The wooden floor made too much noise for me to walk on it normally.

When I shut the door to the bathroom, a white pristine feather I never noticed on the bed flashed brightly into an ethereal figure. Its large swan-like wings flared open.

Indeed, it’s not over yet, Discord. You won’t get away with this. Celestia addressed the other presence in the room.

Oh, we’ll see about that, Tia~! It wasn’t as if Fluttershy took away my powers after she “reformed” me. There was a moment of low, hollow laughter. Since, you know, I made all this happened. Now, I shall return to my fun, ta! This colt has such a unique imagination!

Celestia felt Discord’s presence fade, and then disappeared. She let out a silent sigh. … Will this parade of broken humans end?

The snoring of my roommate answered her. Celestia’s ethereal figure faded into nothing.