I haven't been able to write for some time on account of being busy with trying to find another job, going back to my old job as soon as the season started (its seasonal and starts around march/april time and ends September/October time), busy with a metric shit ton of college work, and generally life bitch slapping me. the thing thats been bothering me and giving me writers block when I have actual free time that's not been spent on catching up with stories I read is that my cousin is being a right twat.
and thanks again to platinum2094 my editor for all his contributions and help. without you this would be badly structured and grammatically bad. very very bad.
For over four hours the foal tried to describe humanity as best as he could without adding his own hatred of it to the description to make them sound evil. The ponies were enthralled with what was being said. They didn’t know what to make of it all, all the different styles of people all with different tastes, so many different types of music and so many different languages.
Twilight throughout the explanation, had a look of unrestrained glee that only Pinkie Pie would be able to reproduce. So many different things to learn and she would never be able to learn it all on account of the only (partially) known method of getting to the human world.
After the foal had finished his little talk about humanity he looked to the others all with varying looks. Twilight was incredibly happy and only those close to her knew what the look in her eyes meant ,and they pitied the foal for the amount of questions she was going to ask.
Pinkie Pie looked ecstatic! Thinking about all the new ponies she could meet and throw parties for. So many different ponies with different lives that sounded SOOO interesting and fun! She could make one Ginorma-rific fantabulous bash for them all at Once! Ooo it would be the bestest party ever!
Rainbow seemed to come in and out of the explanation trying not to look to impressed at what the foal was saying. She had a reputation to keep after all. However her ears would always perk up at the talk of some film-flam style brothers who were able to make machines that made these weird "humans" fly. I mean how could something without wings fly! Especially since they couldn't even get rid of clouds in their way!
Fluttershy thought that the idea of zoo’s we’re brilliant but didn’t like some of the methods used to get the animals. Applejack was impressed at how they had machines designed purely for farming and would love to get her hooves on some of them to help around sweet apple acres.
Rarity was enthralled by the idea of so many different cultures including the high class society and celebrity lifestyles. She was especially happy when she learned that different fashions were incredibly popular she almost fainted. She did eventually faint when the foal had told her that humans wore clothing all the time and that it was considered a crime in all but a few places in the world to be seen without clothes on.
Spike…Spike was taking in the information quite well and was interested as well but didn’t really know what to think about humanity in the long run. Luna and Celestia were in the same position as Spike, although they were slightly confused as to some of the things the foal said about humanity. How could humans advance so fast in only 500 years?
Celestia knew about humans first hoof from the mind of Curve Horn the Demented. She knew what they were capable of and knew how powerful they were even if there were only a small amount of them.
Luna only knew about humans after she returned from her banishment. 3 days after her return she had journeyed into the library to try and catch up on some of the things she missed. She preferred this method to that of simply sharing Celestia’s memories with herself. 2 months after her return she had found a book written by her sister’s advisor at the time with diary notes taken from a "Curve Horn the Demented’s" diary. Luna could only marvel at the power they possessed.
After giving the ponies (plus dragon) time to think for a few minutes he started talking again. “And that folks is a very very brief explanation of humans. Although there is a lot more about us but I’m not really knowledgeable about humanity”.
This drew confused looks from them all. How could he not know about his own race? They all thought the same thing but only Rarity voiced the question they all thought of.
“Whatever do you mean darling? How can you not know about your own species?”
“Meh, I dislike people so I try and avoid them when I know I’m not going to like them, which is most of the time. That and after all the shit I put up with I used to just stay inside to avoid others and play video games and watch TV so I never really bothered trying to understand things about humans that I didn’t really care about.”
The ponies and dragon that were gathered around the foal couldn’t believe what he had said. They lost any chance to continue their trains of thought when a loud growling noise suddenly came from the foal’s stomach. He looked down at his own stomach for a second before looking back up to the others that now held smiles.
“heh, guess I haven’t had the chance to eat at all since I became like this. Can I get something to eat please, I am rather hungry.”
“Sure, what would you like?” asked Twilight whilst smiling seemingly forgetting his previous grim statement. The foal was about to ask for a burger or something if they had any but then he realised something…All the horses and ponies in his world were herbivores so maybe these were the same. And then he came to a dreadful conclusion…he may never be able to eat bacon or steak again.
Slowly coming to the conclusion that he may have to become a *shudder* Vegan. However, he realised that the astronomical odds of an herbivorous species that comes to sapience was incredibly low, and then thought what the odds were that a species similar to one from his world that had somehow evolved to become sapient AND have the same language as him might not have the same dietary needs as his world's equines. That and the diet needed for higher brain functions supposedly had to have meat somewhere so he had that going for him. ‘thank you discovery channel and thank you Brain' he thought. ‘you’re welcome’ was the scary thought that came back.
“Erm, considering I don’t know what your species is able to eat I don’t know. Surprise me” he said.
Twilight thought for a second before deciding to use the leftover soup spike made that morning. As she left for the kitchen she heard the foal start to ask questions again but paid it no mind.
“So what can I eat now that I’m a pony?” he asked as Twilight left the room to prepare some food. Celestia was the first to speak up amongst the group.
“Well, ponies eat fruit,vegetables, grains, some grasses and flowers and such, but.." "And yummy cookies and cakes and muffins, and cupcakes and Hrmph!" "Go ahead Princess" said Applejack with a hoof currently in Pinkies maw "Thank you Applejack, now since you are an Alicorn, which carries Pegasi magic, you may also eat fish”.
To say that the foal was heartbroken was an understatement. I mean sure, he could still eat fish but…..no more bacon, no more steak or turkey or chicken. But most tragically of all, no more lasagne. (What is he, Garfield?) He just sat there on his haunches with his mouth agape.
“Does….does that means I can no longer eat meat?” he asked devastated. Celestia shook her head in confirmation; he would never be able to eat meat again. The foal didn’t know what to think, so he sat there with a blank look in his eyes. The next words to come out of his mouth were the first words that came to mind.
“Well bollocks”.
“Is it safe to assume that your species is carnivorous then?” asked Luna curiously. Could the foal be just like gryphons and dragons?
“Nope, were omnivores we eat meat, fruit, veg, nuts and fish”. He stated with a bit of sadness in his voice….no more roast dinners *sniffle*.
After he explained his previous diet Twilight trotted back into the room with a bowl of tomato soup, a spoon and some bread to go with it. She placed them on the table near the foal and gave him a smile. He smiled back to her and went over to the bowl to start eating when a sudden thought came to mind, and a confused look to the spoon in the bowl.
“Er…..how do I pick up the spoon or the bread? I don’t have hands and I have no clue how to use magic like you so….what?” he genuinely had no clue. Thankfully Celestia was able to answer him as soon as he asked.
"Well, all ponies have an innate magical ability that lets them pick things up with their hooves. Just try to pick them up as you would any utensil with your hooves"
So he tried that and low and behold, he actually felt the spoon his grasp.
“Huh, it feels like I’ve got my hands back kind of, how weird”. After mentally shrugging he proceeded to start on the soup. And by start on his soup I mean utterly devoured it, the whole thing was gone in less than a minute, bread included.
After he had finished, they broke into more conversations about humanity and the foal asked questions about ponykind too. Until a question popped into his head that made him wonder why he didn’t think of it until just now.
“So how the hell do you know about humans anyway and what was with the kneeling/bowing earlier?” at that point Rainbow, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie and Spike looked to Celestia only just now wondering the same thing, Twilight and Luna already knowing from reading the book in the royal archives.
“Well, for the bowing to you, it is a sign of respect for those who have great power or knowledge and since your people have both power and knowledge far beyond our own we should show respect for you”.
“Well please don’t, its annoying and I hate it. Anyway, please continue”. The foal rudely interrupted but Celestia continued anyway.
“As for how we know of your kind…. Around 500 or so years ago, a pony on one of my magical research teams had used a few famous pony's theories of looking at other planets in our galaxy and using a portal to travel to them. To do so though he would need the magic of around 25 unicorns.Not only that, he would need to use their souls as a means of estabilising the portal.
I naturally declined his request to do it, even with condemned criminals but he decided to do it anyway. He tricked one of the classes he taught into doing it and didn’t let any of them know that doing so would not only kill them, but destroy their souls and stop them from going to one of the eternal planes after they had died.
The spell worked and he ended up on the homeworld of humanity. He stayed there for some time, learning from them before they used their own magic to send him back here. Where, he was promptly locked up and his magic to be sealed from him. Through a spell that allowed me to invade his mind, I learned of your species.
What I found astounded me, even though humanity have the magic of an average unicorn, they could do so much with so little of it. Truly masters of their magic. What I didn’t know until you came was that his spell took him to another dimension entirely.
So, until your kind discovers that you’re missing and promptly come to get you, the delegates from around the world will decide what to do with you in the meantime, any questions?” asked Celestia.
The foal just stared at her for a while until he burst out laughing. Why he was laughing, no one knew, not even himself but hey, that’s how it is when your mind likes to break down at times.
“Well, I can successfully say that they aren’t coming to rescue me at all for a few reasons.
1: we don’t have magic. We have legends of it but we’ve never had it so that throws your story out the window and I can only assume that your version of humanity is still in this universe and that his spell only sent him to another planet like you originally thought.
2: we don’t have the technology yet to travel across dimensions so I’ll probably just go onto a missing persons list and eventually be presumed dead.
3: those delegates you mentioned will either want me locked up, dead or tested on to gain my knowledge if they are anything like my humanity is so I doubt I’ll ever get rescued. And don’t sugar-coat it, I come from a dangerous planet with technology that completely dwarfs this planets so they will either want what’s in my head or want me dead to protect themselves, it’s the logical choices.
And finally 4: where’s the toilet?”
Silence….complete and utter silence was all that come from them. They didn’t know what to do or what to think. So Spike did the only logical thing he could think of.
“It’s up the stairs, last door on the left” he said to the foal running on autopilot.
“Much appreciated” was all that was said as he trotted up the stairs unsteadily and went into the bathroom and shut the door. a few minutes of silence was all that was left of the library while he was in there. Everypony plus dragon were all in a world of their own trying to digest what the foal said.
“How do I use this thing” was the question which finally penetrated the silence. This time Spike wasn’t the one to answer but Twilight.
“Just pull the handle down on the side of the white box behind it”. Silence for another 30 seconds.
‘How was he struggling to find the toilets flush handle? Seriously, it sticks out like a sore hoof’ thought Twilight.
“I wasn’t on about the toilet…………….I was on about my own body” came back his reply sounding very embarrassed.
“what do you mean your own bo…………oh buck me”.