I.
He gazed deeply into the night sky from his chamber window; Shining Armor's mind is flooded with thoughts. He felt--- lonely. He yearned for the touch of another pony, the soft lips of a worthy mouth, and the warm embrace of a beating heart. Something that Princess Cadence won't do--- can't do or at least not in a while.
He was deeply confused about these feelings. He has a wife, a palace, even an empire, but a hole filled his heart. "Why do I feel this way?" He asked himself as he continues to stare at the beautiful night sky that Luna had blessed Euestria with. "What do these feelings mean?" he cries. The romance that he thought Cadence provided seemed to be missing, it’s been missing for a while. "Maybe it's just the stress!" he said to himself as he kicked off his horseshoes and crawled into the bed.
Dawn crept up and slowly faded, but the stallion was awake and had been awake since the night before. He knew that the one year anniversary of his “blissful” marriage was today. A huge party was to be thrown in his favor, but he knew that it didn’t help stop the loneliness of the closet. "Maybe this will pass" he knowingly lied to himself.
The day has come, Shining Armor reluctantly found a formal suite in his wardrobe that Rarity had made for him weeks earlier. He slowly examined the clothing as the clock ticked in the background. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick! A knock on the door broke the trance of deep thought. "I'm almost ready" Shining exclaimed. The royal guard on the other side of the door whispered something to another pony.
"Colt cuddler" was the only that Shining heard from the hushed whispers. His heart sank. "What if I am? I would--- I'd let the people of the Chrystal Empire and all of Equestria down and more importantly, my lil sis." Tears fell from his tired eyes as if Rainbow Dash had placed a raincloud over his head as some sort of cruel joke. The disheartened stallion looked above to make sure that she isn't there--- and of course she wasn’t.
An immaculate grand opening ceremony began, but the tears refused to dry. "They are liquid pride" he insisted. The Royal Guard Ponies didn't buy it and continued to beg for the reason of his sadness on this joyous occasion that anypony else would have killed for. Eventually, he gave in; Shining Armor pressed his lips against the Royal Guard Pony's.
A spark of magic erupted into an inferno of passion. Shining's lips became more comfortable as they embraced the Royal Guard pony's. He slowly pulled away from the stallion and as he done so, saliva bridged from his mouth to the other pony's and dripped to the floor as the distance grew.
Nothing has ever felt so right to him. That magical moment when the kiss is all that mattered. When the warmth of another stallion's lips touched his in the art of romance.
"This is the problem." Shining realized "I don't like mares--- I like stallions. I'm--- I'm a--- I'm a colt cuddler!"
The large crowd gathered in the courtyard cheered and shouted for the couple. All of Equestria was there! Princess Cadence proudly walked onto the stage, totally oblivious to her husband's forbidden kiss. The guilt of lying to everypony ate at him. Thoughts of hatred filled his mind. He hated himself--- he hated the pony he was, but he must stay strong for the people and his princess.
"Shining Armor, please come and join your amazingly lovely wife." The announcer spoke.
Carrying the guilt, anger, and hate, he proudly walked onto the stage where he greeted Cadence with a cold kiss. It kept building up with each passing second. He wanted to blurt it out. He wanted to scream it to everypony, but--- he couldn’t. What if they reject him? What if the throw him in the dungeons or banish him to the moon. All he could do was sit back and watch as he lived another pony's life.
Just watching--- learning to just sit back and accept that he'll never be happy because living through the eyes of somepony else is lonely.
II.
Shining joined the guests shortly after he parted with his wife. He stared blankly at nothing in particular. His mind was too full to understand, let alone, perceive his surroundings. Butterflies fill his belly. His mane is drenched from sweat despite the fact that the day was fair.
A deep voice broke Shining's mind-numbing trance. He looked up to ask the pony to repeat himself, but he was stunned as he looked into his eyes. He could see into the pony's very soul.
"You're--- you're one of Twily's friends aren't you?"
"Eeyup" Big Macintosh responded.
Shining, trembled in his horseshoes, he could barely stutter as he was overwhelmed by, not just this stallion's beauty, but something else that he just can't place his hoof on. Something deeper than beauty, something that can't be touched or even explained by the best of the scholars.
Big Mac started to walk away, but Shining, in his blatantly "inconspicuous" manner, asked him to hang out. Big Mac smiled and agreed to allow Shining to hang out with a bro for the rest of the day.
They were obviously having fun as the two trotted around Canterlot tasting new foods, playing games, and other activities. He seemed to have forgotten about Cadence and how he was supposed to be doing all of this with her. He didn't want to spend the day with her anyway, she'd only bore him to death with her “girlyness”.
The two finished eating at an expensive restaurant as the sun began to fall below the horizon, this created a magnificent lavender color across the sky. The smooth alcoholic cider made any and all worries flow down their throats. The calm breeze pressed against their faces as they stare into one another’s eyes.
"Today was the best ah have had in a while, Shining."
"It was great for me too. I hope that we can hang out again soon--- Uh--- ya'know just to have fun like this again."
"Have ya--- have ya ever thought what it was like?"
"What?" Shining, in an instant, remembered that moment before the party began when he kissed that royal guard pony.
"To kiss another stallion."
The two slowly leaned over the table and met one another's lips. Shining felt a warmth similar to that he experienced with the royal guard pony, but stronger, much stronger.
Suddenly, a sharp stinging pain forced Shining Armor to pull away and examine what happened.
"Faggots!" A group of about four or maybe five ponies shouted. The aggressive ponies began to throw rocks at the two. "Die! Colt cuddlers! Die!"
Shining and Big Mac began to run as fast as they could because there were just too many to fight, but the rocks somehow found their targets. The two were slightly dazed, but they continued to run for their lives. They ran and ran, but they couldn’t seem to outrun the other ponies. Eventually, they accidentally ran into a closed alley not too far from the palace.
The two turned around to fight. Big Mac landed a few hard ones and Shining cast a few spells, but they were overwhelmed by their numbers. Before either of them could understand that they were being tackled, they are on the ground being beaten by the group of violent ponies. Blood was being splattered all over the ground and nearby walls.
Shining stared into Big Mac's eyes as he was kicked. Both were barely conscious. They reached for each other's hoof just so they can have the strength to live. One of the bad ponies continuously stomped on Shining's hoof until it eventually broke. Bones stuck out, blood dripped onto the concrete and formed a large pool, could anypony survive such a vicious beating?
Shining Armor awoke in the hospital a few days later and noticed the damage caused to his body. The bandage that covered his broken leg had a few dried blood spots, but it didn’t look like a dangerous amount. The scratches and bruises that covered his body were a clear indication of how close to death he actually was. Even parts of his beautiful mane were missing.
“Where is the stallion that I was with?” He asked the doctor who was examining a chart at the foot of the bed.
“Sorry, but you were the only one there. The paramedics did say that there was too much blood for it to have been just you though. A thorough investigation is underway.” The doctor replied in an uninterested monotone voice.
Shining didn’t want to be persecuted or worse, killed, because he was with Big Mac. When he was asked who he was with, he simply “forgot” who it was. That feeling in the back of his throat forced him to clear it, but tears came out instead. He knew that if he spoke his voice would tremble, but he was obviously crying by now. The doctor noticed and left the room to give him some privacy.
“When I was with him it seemed like the world didn’t matter. It seemed as though the world had stopped just for us. But then, those bad ponies came and they--- Where is Big Mac? If I went looking for him, they’d suspect something. I am the Prince though! They could think that I’m just protecting the citizens. I can’t risk it! What if they come back for me?” Shining thought to himself as he lied in the bed of his hospital room.
The next day, Princess Cadence rushed in with tears falling from her eyes as if the Pegasi had neglected their duty to clean up the rain clouds in her heart. She nearly tripped over her own hoof to see her beloved prince. The mare embraced Shining to the point to where he could barely breathe. The alicorn mumbled something through her sobs, but nopony could understand her.
“What happened?” The princess concerned.
“I was attacked while I was just hanging out with a friend from the party.” He replied softly with a slight tremble.
“Who was this pony you were with?”
“He--- she--- I don’t--- remember.” A stinging pain gripped him which forced a couple more tears out, but he ignored the feelings. “I was hit in the head pretty hard and it’s kinda hard to remember.”
Suspicious, the pink pony turned to the doctor who had just arrived to give Shining some medicine and asked the same question.
“We only found him. There was the blood of another pony there, but we can’t figure out whose it was.”
Shining felt a wave of relief, but then a tsunami of guilt and pain. That feeling in the back of his throat temporarily disabled his voice as he tried to suck it up.
III.
Months passed and nopony knew where the mysterious second pony was that was allegedly beaten. Everpony seemed to have forgotten that the entire thing had even occurred. Everypony , but Shining.
A string of homicides had been occurring since the beatings. All of the victims were found to be gay. One was a wise old stallion at the ripe age of 70, he was found stoned to death. Shining suspected that the same ponies that beat him are committing these murders, but if he proposes this they will know that he was with another colt or so he led himself to believe.
“I don’t care anymore! These ponies need to be brought to justice!” In a fit of rage he busted out of his chamber to call a meeting of the Guards, but a familiar voice shouted out to him.
“Oh..hey, Twily.” He turned and noticed that Twilight and her friends had come to visit.
“What has you so upset, big brother?”
“Yea, ya’ll look like you’re gonna hurt somepony.”
“It’s these serial killers! Hey AppleJack, have you seen your brother?”
“Nah, I’m gettin real worried. He never came home from your anniversary party. Yah don’t think that he could be involved do ya, ‘cause he’s not! Mah brother ain’t no murderer! ”
“I think he’s a--- a---”
“What? He’s my brother! Tell me!”
“I think that he’s a victim.” Shining quietly sobbed as a flashback of him reaching for the red stallion’s hoof repeated itself in his mind.
“What in tarnation makes ya’ll think that! Mah brother is no colt cuddler! Everypony knows that those murderers only target fags!” Good thing Dashie wasn’t there to hear AJ use such language.
“Watch your goddamn mouth in my castle!” Shining shouted furiously at AJ.
“Shining, why are you yelling at her?” Twilight interrupted.
“Nopony shall use such words in the presence of a prince! Whatever happened to ‘love and tolerate’?”
“Sweety, please calm down. She didn’t mean anything by it.” Rarity added.
“Yeah, it’s not like she’s beating them.” Twilight said.
“All of you just leave! Words can hurt more than any physical abuse. Get the buck out of my castle!” Shining snapped. Twilight lingered. “You too!”
Her ears pointed downwards and a noticeable frown stood there staring at her brother. “Why? Are you--- gay? I thought you were my bbbff, why must I leave? I want to talk.”
The prince was shocked and unable to find the words to express what he wanted them to think of him. He was too confused to reply with thought, “No! Just leave! Now! Twilight!”
He continued to walk down the corridor to a conference room to call the meeting of the guards.
“Everypony, welcome to the meeting. We have reason to believe that a missing pony , Big Macintosh of Ponyville, is a victim of the serial killers plaguing out good citizens.”
“You mean from Sweet Apple Acres? He’s too big to be a colt-cuddler.”
“Yeah, he’s too much of a stallion to be one of them queers.”
Shining began to say something, but he remembered Twilight’s reaction and he ignored his impulse to protect himself and his love. This decision caused an immediate catch in his throat.
“Listen everypony, it doesn’t matter. He is in our jurisdiction and he must be found so the murderers can be brought into the light.”
“It’s not like the murderers are doing anything wrong.”
“Shut up you moron!” Another guard reacted.
He snapped. Shining came down into the crowd and stood right in front of the hateful guard. He raised his hoof and thrust it right into the guard’s mouth. He suddenly recognized the stallion, he was the one that he kissed during his anniversary. “If I remember correctly, you came on to me during my special day with my beautiful wife.”
“No! That’s not what happened! You kissed me! YOU kissed ME!”
“Did I or was that one of your sick and twisted fantasies. I don’t like colt-cuddlers, but these ponies are still our citizens and it’s our duty to protect them.”
The guard stood there, shocked and confused by the prince’s harsh scald.
The sound of hoofsteps echoed in the corridor and the door to the conference chamber closed as the two arguing ponies were locked in a staring contest to the death. Shining broke way to investigate the occurrence and noticed a familiar tail near the corner of a perpendicular hallway. He ran as fast as he could towards the pony.
“Hey! Stop!” He shouted.
“I heard what you said back there, Shining Armor.”
“Mac! Please listen. They would do so many horrible things to me if they found out. How long were you there?”
“Horrible things? I was taken prisoner by those ponies that attacked us. I’ve been in a small cage for the past few months while you sit here in your pretty castle. I have barely eaten while you feast every night. I had nopony while you had everypony. Oh, and I just got there about the same time that you said that you didn’t like us colt-cuddlers.”
“Mac, please. I beg you to stop! You are the first pony that I’ve been able to connect with...”
Big Macintosh walked closer to Shining and gently put his hoof on his forehead and shoved his head back. “Is that why you said what you did?”
“I need you! Please don’t leave me. Please. Please. Don’t go.” Shining fell to his knees and cried heavily, not realizing that a few of the guards had followed him out of the conference chamber.
“He’s a fag!” One of the guards shouted.
“I told you that I didn’t kiss him!”
The blue haired prince quickly stood up and turned around to find all of the other ponies were staring at him. Tears still rolled down his eyes. He turned back to see that the red pony had walked away.
“Let’s turn him in!” Some of the ponies came charging at him.
“Mac! Help! Please! They’re going to kill me!” Shining began to run in the direction that Big Mac had walked, but he couldn’t find him. “I’m the prince! Stop goddamnit!”
Suddenly, Cadence stepped in front of the gang and shouted “Halt!” Everypony, including Shining Armor, stopped in their tracks. He stepped back, more afraid of the princess than of the guards.
“Big Macintosh of Ponyville brought me some disturbing news, Mr. Prince! He told me about the two of you and what happened on our anniversary. By the power granted by Celestia, you are no longer my husband and therefore, no longer the prince. Guards, throw him in the dungeons for his deception.”
“Yes, princess.”
“Fuck you, Cadence! Fuck all of you bastards! I’ll get you back for this!” The blue maned pony began to run out of the castle, casting a few spells to delay the pursuing guards.
IV.
“You told her! My wife!”
“Eeyup.”
“Why, Mac? Why! I lost my place as prince and her husband!”
“Did ya like it there? Did ya really want to spend your life with somepony ya can’t romantically connect with, Shining?”
“Well--- I”
“Ya begged for me to come back, ya never once cried for Cadence. Who do ya really love?”
“ I--- love--- I don’t kn--know.”
“Do ya really not know? Who is the pony that ya chose to spend time with on the anniversary of your wedding? A year ago, Queen Chrysalis took the form of your life and ya didn’t even notice the change in her personality, but Twilight noticed immediately. How could ya not have unless you really didn’t know her well? Why weren’t ya close enough to her to not know her?”
“Shut up, Mac! I’m just so confused. I don’t know what’s going on. I can’t understand how I’m feeling.”
The red pony put his hoof on Shining’s back, “Ya gotta follow your heart. If ya love me, stay. If ya love Cadence, go back to her.”
A stray tear ran down the former prince’s cheek and onto the ground of a secluded part of Sweet Apple Acres. His eyes were holding back most of the ‘liquid pride’, but he was obviously struggling.
“What are y’all doin’ back here? Oh… it’s you.”
“He was just leavin’, sis. He’s got some things to think about. Go on, Shining. Make your decision.”
“Right now, but you just said I have to think about it!”
“Did somethin’ happen between ya’ll that I don’t know about?”
The teary pony took a quick look at Big Mac and shut his eyes with a slight sob. AJ looked with confusion, but she shrugged it off and walked away. “Gotta get back to work, can’t dilly dally with y’all.”
Shining stomped the ground as hard as he possibly could and a few tears fell with his hoof. He turned and ran. He ran as fast as he could back to the train station to return to the Chrystal Empire.
“Hey!”
“Oh no, Twilight.”
“What was wrong with you back at the castle? You were totally rude to me and all of my friends. Especially AppleJack!”
“The things that you guys said just seemed hypocritical. You live by the creed ‘Love and Tolerate’ and it just made me angry. I was also under a lot of stress from the serial killers. I have to go”
“Wait!”
Shining ignored his little sister and boarded the train without a second thought. The other passengers didn’t seem to notice him, but there weren’t that many other ponies.
“You are going to tell me what’s going on! Why are you in such a hurry?” He didn’t notice that his sister had boarded behind him.
“Twily, you’re going to get in trouble being here without a ticket.”
“I want to know why you’re here in Ponyville and why you got as angry as you did in the castle.” It’s too late for the intellectual pony to leave the train, it has already departed.
“As I said, I was under stress. I’m here in Ponyville to see if somepony was okay.”
“Who? Big Mac? AppleJack told me that you and he were talking as you were crying like a foal a few minutes ago.”
“Yeah, he was---uh---attacked a few months ago by those bad ponies that we’re looking for.”
“Is that why he was missing until you came along? He just returned to work like nothing happened.”
“Not everything that AJ tells you is the truth!”
“She’s my best friend, Shining Armor! Why would she lie to ME? For Celestia’s sake, she represents the element of honesty! Where is this coming from?”
“Remember when Discord made her lie? The spell may have never been broken.”
“Shining, everypony knows that such a thing is impossible. We turned Discord back into stone before Fluttershy rehabilitated him. The spell was broken. What are you trying to hide?”
“NOTHING! Leave me alone!”
“Not until I get some answers! I want to help you!”
His eyes gazed at the floor for a moment and he quickly looked back up with a ferocity brewing, “If you must know! Me and Cadence were fighting and Ma-- Big Macintosh intruded and ruined our day!”
“You’ve been angry all of this time? Nopony can hold a grudge like that. And besides, that doesn’t explain why you were here.”
“Well--- uh--- I had to--- give Mac---intosh a piece of my mind.”
“I don’t believe you, Shining. You’d never come all this way just to tell somepony something.”
“Alright! Twilight! Alright. I’ll tell you the truth. When I was attacked a few months ago I--- I was with Mac, but we were on--- well--- a date. I had left the party to spend time with him and I was beaten and he was taken away.”
“And you didn’t tell anypony! Wait! A date? You and Big Mac?”
He nodded as a slight tear escaped his grasp.
“Oh. I see. You were afraid, but you’ve always had such courage.”
“Yes, but this takes another type of courage. To tell somepony that may stop loving you for who you are. It drives you mad. Everyday you just want to burst out of the shell, but you are too afraid because of societal norms and hate. It also takes a whole lot more courage to tell the pony that you have dedicated your life to that you don’t actually love her and it’s impossible for you to ever love her in a romantic manner.”
“I need some time to digest this, Shining Armor. I must return to Ponyville and think. I still love you, don’t get me wrong, but--- I just can’t accept that you are a--- colt cuddler. I’m not sure what it means. I don’t know what I think, actually.” Twilight used her magic to teleport back to her bookstore without giving the blue maned colt a chance to respond.
V.
The former prince returned to the Chrystal Empire and asked a Royal Guard for an audience with Cadence. The guard pony hesitated, but he eventually went inside of the castle to notify the Princess.
“You lived? You broke my heart and made a fool of my guards! What is it that you could possibly want now! Have you come to insult me?”
“No! I’ve come--- I’ve come to beg you to take me back. That red pony lied to you! Whatever he said, he lied.”
“Shining. He told me that you were just hanging out with him and lost track of time on our anniversary. I wasn’t even angry about it. I thought that it would be funny to pull a little prank on you. I guess I took it a bit too far though.”
“A PRANK! Are you kidding me? I ran all of the way back to Ponyville and I thought the guards were going to kill me. What kind of sick and twisted pony would pull such a joke?”
“You can drop the charade now. You knew that they weren’t going to kill you! He also gave me the letter that he wrote you. You guys pulled a prank on me with that little scene in the hall.”
“That makes no sense.” His eyes focused on the floor and became wide open as he thought to himself, “Did Mac pretend that this was a prank to save my marriage? Did he do this just to see if I’d be with him? I saw their reaction when they thought of the idea of us two together, I can’t tell them. But what about Twily, she knows everything?”
“Are you still with us Mr. Deep Thought?”
“Huh? Yes! Yes. I was just thinking about my sister. I am wondering if she’s alright because she sent me a letter telling me that she’s sick.”
“Okay.”
Shining hugged Cadence which took her by surprise, but she embraced the moment. She didn’t realize her husband’s broken heart and the storm clouds that had settled in his eyes.
“What have I done?” He said in his mind “I have to face me and I have to face the demons that I’ve created. WHY can’t understand myself? Why am I doing this? I can’t blame anypony for this; in the end, I made the decisions and I shouldn’t die ashamed, but why do I feel so horrible. This is not what I want! I wish somepony would take me away. Am I just born to be broken? Should I--- just end it all? Somepony tell the heavens that I’m ready to escape my hell.
My thoughts speak louder the more that I resist. Every time I see a nice looking colt, my heart tears itself into tiny little pieces. I CAN’T TAKE IT!”
He returned to his chamber thinking about the last few months. Shining sat there for a few hours staring out of the window at the city below.
The beautiful prince shed as many tears as his body could produce as he looked up at a beam supporting the vaulted ceiling of his chamber. A rope tied in a noose hung from the beam. The splintery rope gave a slight burn as he grabbed it with his hooves and put it around his neck. “Everypony hates me. This is what’s best for me and all of the others.”
Images of Twilight and his parents rushed through his shattered mind. The good times and the bad. He sees the bad ponies that hurt him and Big Mac. The times he was a just a little foal. “The little things”.
Shining Armor closed his amazing blue eyes as he kicked the chair that prevented his demise. The rope tightened which completely blocked his airflow. Everything just--- went dark.
VI.
Shining Armour awoke in a hospital bed with his friends and family by his side. Big Mac, Twilight and her friends, even AppleJack, Cadence and his parents are all there.
“My princess, forgive me. All of you, please forgive me for what I had done.” His voice was crackling.
“We forgive ya. We’ll always love ya. What in Celestia’s name were you thinkin?” AJ responded.
“Yeah, we all love you and we all care about you.” Twilight added.
“Mac. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Everypony stood there speechless, but Big Mac smiled and walked closer.
“The first time ah saw ya, ah knew that you were mah knight in Shining Armor. Ah knew that you’d take me away and we’d live together forever.” The red pony kissed him on the forehead in right front of everypony, without shame.
“It does take a different type of courage to tell everypony that you’re gay. Here I am right now, telling you all that I’m gay and that I’m in love with Mac.”
Cadence was already sobbing heavily almost as if she was about to attempt the unthinkable. “All of this time?”
“Yes. I’m truly sorry. I was so confused, it didn’t make sense to me. You see on TV and hear in music that it’s wrong to be gay. Growing up, you hear all of the other foals saying things like “That’s so gay, you’re so gay” and it hurts. You just repress your feelings and you hide from yourself. You just build up walls that no pony can break down.
I only realized when I was up on that beam that you should live. You should not just exist, you should live. The here and now is what counts because we don’t get second chances and our lives could be over at any given second. I struggled to get down from the beam and, luckily, a guard pony heard my struggles.”
Everypony had tears in their eyes, even the toughest of the toughest, Rainbow Dash.
“Twilight?”
“Yes.”
“Do you accept me for who I am now or do you still hate me?”
“I love you, big brother. I always have. I was just so confused because you just--- you always didn’t act like the type. I thought you were into mares and it was difficult for me to--- understand. After I read some books, of course, I understood that you couldn’t have chosen this life. I found out that you are the same now as you were before. You are a pony like all of us and you should be treated as such. You’re my bbbff.”
“Thanks, Twily. I love you.”
The next step in Shining Armor and Big Macintosh’s lives are up to them. They are like water, always changing. They never hold the shape of a cup when they are poured onto the table from one. The future is never written in stone, it can always be changed.