//------------------------------// // Ch.3: Childish Chaos // Story: Discord's Bane // by Psycho Pwny //------------------------------// |====[Discord’s]====| |========[Bane:]========| |--------------------Childish--------------------{Chapter Three}--------------------Chaos--------------------| To say I was stunned would have been an understatement. I was shocked cold. I couldn't move, I couldn't think, only stare. The parasite struggled to get out of my bloody grasp and I dropped it onto the cave floor once I fully realized what it was. It shrieked in detest and it curled into itself as it glared at me with angry accusing eyes. I anticipated a nest of ascaris worms, a ravenous echinococcus, or a miniature succubus at the most-! I expected any sort of parasite, but not a baby. Never a BABY. Ha, I suppose I should have expected an infant of some sort, they tend to be the worst parasites. You can get rid of any other parasite through conventional means, but a baby made the whole eviction process much more contrived, and *ahem* messy. After a few stiff moments, I finally felt capable of assessing the situation. The parasite child was shaking in the questionable cranberry jelly slowly growing at my feet, looking up at me with a baffled expression that likely mirrored my own. I crouched down to get a better look at it and immediately regretted it. The wound I inflicted on my belly was still very much active and I bitterly summoned up a pile of blankets to help stop the bleeding with a snap of my talons. Once I was sure the wound was stable I turned my attention to the bloodied child in front of me and picked it up by the scruff. Almost immediately, it lashed out at me and I promptly halted its pathetic assault as I began to clean it with a spare blanket. As I cleaned the child off, I looked it over. It was an exact replica of myself, only in fun size. The only difference I saw was that its overall complexion was a brighter coloration and its eyebrows where a youthful beige in contrast to my premium white ones--it also lacked any sort of beard, how unfortunate- my beard was my everything. I continued to clean the area at a snail's pace, so that my mind was forced to stall the inevitable realization of this new responsibility. I refused to look at the child for as long as possible until it drew my attention by breaking out into a crying fit. Small storm clouds misted from the infant's eyes which sparked my fur and hot acidic tears irritated the air around me. I hissed in defiance as I covered my ears as banshee screeches vibrated the cave's foundations and I was quick to recoil by screaming back with the supporting forces of heated chaotic irritation. This shut the kid up quick; however, it refused to lose on it's birthday and soon retaliated by crying once again. Alright, what do kids like? They like...um, uh...CANDY of course! I conquered up a generously sized pink swirly lollipop and carefully nudged the treat into the kid's muzzle. Ahh, problem solved. The return of silence made me appreciate it all the more and the relief I felt brightened my mood so much that I smiled when I saw the giddy expression of the candy coated child. I gingerly picked up the child with hesitant acceptance and retreated to the back of the cave which held my sleeping quarters. In the dark lighting the child promptly fell asleep in my embrace and discarded the candy onto the ground. My arms wanted their freedom back and so I conquered up a sizable crib using the mental image of the cribs of the Cake twins, not caring for creativity at the moment. After tucking in the child, I sat down in my nearby signature red and golden throne. I started up at the ceiling as my mind struggled to cope with this new found reality and I resolved to go see Fluttershy in the morning at once-she always knows best~! -- The night was thankfully uneventful and I rose at the crack of dawn, much to my great irritation-the sun is an ugly thing to behold and it was forcibly the center of attention being the brightest thing in the Faustforsaken sky-! The child was still sound asleep, so I tickled it's muzzle and it awoke with lively eyes;I was painfully eager to see Fluttershy. I scooped the child up and realized I relinquished the freedom of my arms once more. It also dawned on me that I shouldn't run the risk of anypony else seeing the child before Fluttershy. I found a solution by stuffing the child into a barley sack I summoned up with a snap of my talons and I daintily tided it around my neck, scrawny bow and all. I levitated down to the area where Fluttershy's house resided; the child clearly enjoyed the ride as I heard stifled coos emit from the sack as it swung in the wind. As I moved to knock on Fluttershy's door I was overtaken by anxiety; what if Flutters thought less of me because the Chaotic Lord of the Unexpected couldn't handle a mere child?! Bah, I quickly dismissed such an outlandish idea. Other ponies may be quick to judge, but even when Flutter held any sort of negative opinion, she never voiced it. I knocked on the door and after a few tense seconds Fluttershy popped her head out, presenting a warm smile. "Oh Discord, it's good to see you again so soon. I was afraid I wouldn't see you for a week or more." Much to my dismay, I probably wouldn't have considered visiting her for weeks on end, my predicament was the only thing that drew me out early. Time...time never worked in my favor, I was too easily caught up in it. "Uh Discord, are you alright? You are looking a bit pale...something is wrong, isn't there? Oh, let me get you some tea, you are looking a bit sick--ahh, i-if you don't mind that is." "*Sigh*, am I really that predictable?" Flutter's ear perked at my monotone voice, obviously sensing the seriousness of the situation, which only served to make me more nervous. I suddenly remembered the sack around my neck as it began to thrash about. Yes, my hearts all promptly turned into themselves as Fluttershy's big suspicious eyes locked onto it. "Alright Discord...you can tell me what's the matter inside. *giggle* Maybe we can even have brunch a bit later?" I sat myself on her couch and the sack felt tight around my neck as I swallowed. Fluttershy stood in front of me, expecting me to begin the conversation. No words came to me as I undid the sack and out popped the child. She was as wordless as I was and several silent moments made the tension physically tangible...until finally... "O-oh m-my, it's so precious...it's a baby Draconequus?!" Fluttershy put a hoof up to her muzzle, which emphasized her surprise. Much to my embarrassment, I remained speechless. "Um, where did this little one come from?" Ahh Flutters, you always give me the best material to work with. "*Ahem* Why from me dear Fluttershy!" I puffed up my chest and eccentrically pointed towards myself; the awkward shell was finally broken. She was taken-aback and took a moment to process the information. I smiled at her confusion. "S-soooo...you're it's m-mother?!" My smile took on a stoic appearance. It wouldn't be the word I would have used. Then again, I am both the child's father and mother, as well as neither. It comes from me and me alone-essentially it is my genetic clone. What would I be to it? It's creator, it's origin, it's master, it's parent-whatever, it's twin...? "Discord, how is this possible?" The child curiously sniffed Fluttershy and she looked down at it with a baffled gaze. "Well, it's a simple explanation really, Flutters. All Draconequui are hermaphrodites, only our genders are defined. I identify as a male, because, quite frankly, I find the beard rather fitting for my personality, hmm...don't you think so as well?" I stroked my stark white beard in profound appreciation-it really made me, me. I could tell dear ol' Flutters was a tad confused as she polity nodded at my explanation. I wanted to ride out her confusion a little longer, but her attention was quickly placed upon the child. She coddled the child in her hooves and it did little to fight her embrace as it wiggled around in delight within her pink swirly mane. As I watched the two, I prayed to Faust that by some great miracle, she would offer to take the little demon spawn away from me. I am fully aware that wishing away such a responsibility is a new low for me, I just don't know how I feel about it. Having someone tuned to my own likeliness of chaos appears to be a great thing, yet all in all, it could easily be released into the wild, without any sort of guardian~! ...At least, that is how I remember the blank lapses of my childhood, lacking any sort of parental figure--Ha, and I turned out GREAT~! "Um Discord, has the little fella eaten anything recently." Bah, she made me lose my train of thought. "Oh, it had some candy about last night." "Discord! I'm s-super surprised at you!" "Err, what?" Ahh, Flutter's is getting angry...ooh, that's never good...um...what did I do? "Babies of any sort shouldn't have high amounts of sugar when they are so young...this little one has tiny milk teeth, it needs it's mother's milk." "Oh." The tense awkwardness that was present at the beginning of the visit came rushing back--with a vengeance. "U-ummm, you wouldn't happen to have any on you, would you?" Fluttershy beamed a cherry red and I took a few moments to process what she was implying. "Bah, well, um...I haven't checked or anything...couldn't we give it some cow's milk or formula?" "Oh no, it's very important for infants to have the right kind of milk. For example, kitten's would get very sick from drinking too much cow's milk since it doesn't have the right kind of nutrients they need...but um, they could drink dog's milk since the animals share similar diets...but, mother's milk is always best, it has nutrients normal milk doesn't." "Ahh, not a problem, surely mixing the milk of a pony, a deer, a goat, a lion, a bat, an antelope, and uh, a griffin would do just the trick, yes?" "Um, I don't think griffins make milk..." "But they are part lion, they must make milk." "So they would make lion milk." "Ahh, rrright." "Also, you are part lizard, snake, and dragon...those don't make milk at all." Ohoohoo...Flutters has gotten me good. Abort mission, ABORT mission! "So please Discord, could you consider...um 'checking'?" "Absolutely not! I may be a bit of a quirky joker, but I do have limits. My dignity is all I have left!" Newp, nope, nopedy, no, no!" ...Bad mistake, although her 'famed' stare doesn't fazed me a bit, this face right here...it's just...t-terrifying...! It's like an endless void pit embodying, every horrible molecule of passive aggressive PEACE... "DISCORD! You need to just do this simple little thing! It's for your child--CHILD!" "Well, I never wanted a child! I'm perfectly fine, aaaaaaaallllllloooonnne~! To go so low...NO, I don't want the kid at all-keep it as a pet for all I care! Besides, I fairly certain I didn't get mother's milk, and I turned out just fine, thank you very much!" I arched my back and levitated to show intimidation. Oh, it's such a pain when things don't go my way. Usually I force reality to bend to my whim, BUT, what do I do when I, myself, have been bent by forces beyond my grasp?! As Fluttershy slowly began to asset the situation with her sickening bubble eyes I realized I truly lost all credibly as an immortal God. "Dis. *huff* Cord. We can approach this matter in a mature manner. It's just something you need to become comfortable with...and I will support you in any way I can, you know that...don't you?" Once again the universe has proven the existence of it's positive bias towards Fluttershy. I could have abandoned all responsibility with a snap of my fingers, leave Equestria forever!...That would have been far easier to do then what I did next. "....F-fine..." A great failure of a fool I am. I again looked to Fluttershy in hopes a plausible alternative would come up, but her stern nod halted any previous intentions I had of escaping. I would surely lose my dear friend immediately. With great reluctance I began to examine my chest area. I had a series of nipples akin to a diamond dog's but they showed no signs of lactation. Heh, then I realized that a certain area between my legs was a bit swollen. In addition to dog nipples, I also had the udder of a mare, and although it wasn't exactly bursting, it certainly showed early signs of lactation. The universe just didn't seem keen on letting me keep any of my pride-Oh, bother! I went down on all fours and through Fluttershy's guidance, the child began to nurse. It was absolutely humiliating. Luckily, Fluttershy prepared some cookies and tea afterward, which helped to quell my initial trauma. "So, what are you gonna name it?" In all honestly, I never gave it even a little bit of thought. It would create more of an emotional bond, which frankly, doesn't appeal to me. As I looked down at the gem of a child blessed by Faust herself; granted to me as proof of approval to my previously pending absolution. I could't help but let my hearts swell up with joy as I figured out the perfect name for the little treasure~! "It shall be called Bane. My little BANE of existence-!"