//------------------------------// // 14. 300 Follower Special :: T/Ad/Gore // Story: Kaidan's Short Stories: Vol. 1 - Teen // by Kaidan //------------------------------// A tribute to my friends, Sparta, and 300 followers. {teen}{adventure}{gore} Three hundred fim fiction users stood at the narrow canyon leading to their homes, and prepared to die for their fiction. “There may come a day when the morality of authors dies,” I shout out, “But that day is not today!” “Hoorah!” “There may come a day when The Hub shuts down under the downpour of bodily fluids generated by rule 34, BUT NOT TODAY!” “Hoorah!” “They can take out lives, but they can never take our FREEDOM!” “Hoorah!” “Eat lightly, fans, for tonight, we read fiction, IN HELL!” Kaidan turned to face the legion of changelings before them. They had been starved of love for so long, they became super hairy and liked to wear white clothes and lots of gold bling. They had hairy knees. “They believe in everything you’re against, now kill them!” Kaidan shouted. The battle lines clashed, pony versus changeling, drowning out all other noise. Daemon of Decay struck the first blow, cleaving a changeling in two with his mighty battle axe. The earth pony was built like train made of lead bricks. On the backswing with his axe, he cleaved two more in half. Their green blood created a waterfall, bathing his rippling brown muscles in goo. “Seven!” shouted Pathos. “You’re going to have to try harder to keep up!” the cocky pegasus said. He swooped down, using a hoof blade to stab a changeling in the eye. The changeling flailed around on the ground gasping at his missing eye, while Pathos used a wrist-crossbow to shoot him in the throat. “TypewriterError, boost!” Daemon yelled. The unicorn lay down her giant spoon over the pile of changeling bodies she had bashed to death. Using the corpses as a fulcrum, the spoon became a giant catapult. Daemon jumped on the spoon, and TypewriterError slammed down on the spoon with her magic. Daemon rocketed through the air like an airplane trying to land ass-first with the landing gear up. He flailed at the last moment, bringing his axe around to tear a Minotaur in half. The shocked minotaur’s legs walked forward, while his torso and head stared on in disbelief. The force of Daemon’s impact shattered his front legs, and bits of his broken femurs had broken through his skin. “Sssstrike that one!” a changeling shouted. Dozens of changelings descended on Daemon. He mowed down several dozen as they swarmed him, biting him, eating him alive. Blood splattered everywhere as the bugs crawled over every inch of him, feasting on his flesh. There was a mighty scream, startling the pile of changelings. “Khorne! Grant me strength and I shall bring thousands of skulls for the skull throne!” There was a violent explosion, flinging the changelings off Daemon’s corpse. Meanwhile, Kaidan was busy trying to keep Parasprite alive. He was literally a parasprite, and had already multiplied into several hundred thousand of the creatures. He was devouring an endless swarm of Wyverns, Minotaurs, Changelings, and Wendigo’s. Unfortunately his one weakness was exploited. Several Klingons waded into the swarm of parasprites, and began to kill every single one. There was only one thing they hated more than tribbles: Deus Ex Machina. They refused to let some silly Parasprite save the lives of his friends. Also, parasprite tore several klingons apart like pirahnas, spitting out bits of sinew and flesh, and more. Kaidan shielded himself as a wave of flame erupted from Daemon’s corpse. A massive greater daemon stepped forth from a gaping fissure. He had large, leathery wings, thick chitinous scales, and radiated a black aura of malice. Blood dripped from his fangs and fiery eyes, and in each of his four arms he held a sword the size of a school bus. Daemon cleaved his way deep into the heart of the swarm. The changelings scattered, until their mightiest warrior confronted him. A massive crimson dragon landed in front of him, bathing him in flame. As the warriors fought, Pathos took an arrow to the knee. “Ouch!” He took another arrow to the wing, and fell to the ground. “Quick, someone put him out of his misery!” Skeeter said. “I’ll do it,” Kaidan replied. I ran over and stabbed him in the throat to make his death quick. “What the fuck! You missed!” Pathos screamed. “Sorry, let me try again.” I stabbed him in the chest, puncturing a lung. Gasping, he grabbed the knife from me. “Dammit! I’ll do it myself!” Pathos drove the blade into his heart, for no reason other than that he was super pissed at my incompetence. A large shadow loomed over TypewriterError. She was pushed out of the way by Shadowed Rainbow, as Daemon collapsed on her. The giant daemon was spewing flame from his heart, incinerating several nearby combatants. Abacron and Cobalt charged forward with their spears somehow gripped in a hoof. They plunged the spears into the dragon to get revenge, and were promptly devoured. They would return to the fight in two to three days as fertilizer. RainbowBob had seen enough death in his lifetime. He donned his patented Fallout Equestria™ battle armor and revved up the chaingun. “Are you sure about this, Bob? The enclave frowns upon wasting ammunition,” the computer in his suit said. “Shut up, Bitch, this is my power armor!” he replied. He began spewing rounds downrange, mowing down hundreds of changelings in seconds. “Bitch?” the computer replied. Suddenly, the suit powered down and the gun jammed. “You take that back!” “What?” Bob replied. “Stop that! You’ll get me ki—” A large tentacle impaled him through his mouth, severing his spine. Chrysallis looked on with a wicked grin as she used her tentacles to defile his corpse. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this. . .” Kaidan said. “They’ve got a cave troll!” TypewriterError yelled. She ran forward, levitating her giant spoon and deflecting the trolls mace. She spooned him again and again, to no effect. Before Kaidan could join her with his fork and help teach the troll a lesson in proper dining room etiquette, his mace smashed TypewriterError into a bloody pulp. “No! In this fiction she was one of only three mares! Quick, protect the last mare!” Kaidan pointed over to Jaestring, who had killed so many changelings that she drowned in their blood. “Oh, shit.” The battle line was falling apart, and Kaidan helped everypony regroup. “It’s down to us now!” He looked around, taking stock of the situation. Skeeter, BronyWriter, Brony2893, Kaidan, Rurik, DPV, Rose, and a few others who will make brief cameos, gathered in a phalanx formation. “For Narnia!” Skeeter screamed, as a meteor fell out of the sky, turning him into a Skeeter-shaped pancake. Apparently, the gods did not find that reference humorous. BronyWriter pulled out his trusty rock and killed a dozen changelings with it. He then dragged a wyvern away, saying something about Rarity and a kill room. He was never seen again. Brony2893 was doing a decent job at vaporizing changelings. As an orange unicorn stallion with no formal magical training, he had found an effective means of combat. He ran in circles, screaming, firing laser beams out of his horn. He would have lived, too, had one laser beam not hit a highly-polished shield and reflected back into his retinas, blinding him. A Hydra beant down, and it’s three heads bit into him, tearing him to pieces. Rurik and DPV were fighting back to back with samurai swords. A wyvern continued to try and stab them with his stinger, but they slowly and methodically chopped it to bits. Next, Discord appeared, turning them to stone, and then teleporting away with them to do Celestia-knows-what. “It’s time for the secret weapon!” Kaidan shouted. “Release the Kraken!” Suddenly, there was an explosion. At the epicenter stood Rose, queen of the damned, who had just vaproized several hundred of Kaidan’s followers. She shot laser beams out of her eyes, cutting a swath through the enemy ranks. Then, she remembered that she was not the queen of the damned, and did not have laser beam eyes. In ten seconds flat, she was devoured until nothing but a few bones remained by a rabid pack of diamond dogs. Kaidan stood alone on the mountain of bodies of his followers, staring defiantly at Chrysallis as timberwolves surrounded him. “Our arrows shall block out the sun!” she shouted. “Then I shall die in the shade!” Kaidan yelled. From all around him, thousands or arrows were launched and blotted out the sun. Kaidan smiled, cackling like a madman, as he took over 9,000 arrows to the knee. “It,” Kaidan spat, coughing on his own blood, “has been. . . a red dawn.” The rampaging horde entered fim fiction, where it posted dozens of horrible clop stories to the featured box every five minutes for the rest of time.