“Now kids, to tell you the story of how I met your mother, I need to go back to the summer of ‘69. It was a hot day on Sweet Apple Acres. . .”
“Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” Twilight asked.
“That I’d have kicked her flank if Big Mac hadn’t stopped me,” Dash replied.
Mac chuckled, looking around the picnic table. Applejack still had mud in her mane, Dash had a few bruises, Twilight looked like an angry librarian, and Whooves had vanished. Come to think of it, Dash was really hot. Mac caught himself staring at her unkempt mane, with little clumps of dried mud in it. Her feathers, which she would probably need a hoof cleaning.
“And you, Applejack! Fighting in the mu—”
“Dash, ya ever taught an earth pony to preen?” Mac asked.
The three mares all turned and stared at Mac as if he had just grown a large tumor on his nose that was singing the Equestrian anthem. Applejack looked on, eyes wide in shock. Twilight tilted her head as if studying what Mac had said in preparation for a research paper.
Dash, meanwhile, was much easier to read. She had raised one eyebrow and her mouth was agape. “Why would an earth pony need to preen? They don’t have wings.”
Applejack laughed loudly, falling backwards off the picnic table bench. Twilight was jotting something down in a notebook, and Mac had blushed, turning even redder.
“What’s so funny?” Dash huffed. She hovered up over the table, forelegs crossed, and stared at Applejack.
“He—Mac—” Applejack was pounding a hoof on the ground, unable to stop laughing. This drove Mac to slump his head on the table and groan.
Dash floated there for another second before gasping out loud. “Oh! He means my wings? That—I uh. . .”
“Fascinating,” Twilight observed. “I’m going to have to put this in a friendship report. The proper application of a hogtie and an awkward remark has ended your conflict with Applejack.”
“Eeyup,” Mac chimed in. “Why don’t we go get ya cleaned up.”
“Thanks, but I’d rather shower at my house. See you later, stud,” Dash said. She chuckled and flew off towards her house.
Mac frowned. “Ah wish ah could visit her house sometime.”
“That can be arranged,” Twilight said. “With the hot air balloon and a cloud walking spell, of course.”
“Oh no, ain’t no self-respectin’ Apple gonna be moving in a cloud house. Our place is here on the ground, Mac.”
Mac grinned at his sister. “Don’t worry, ah only plan to stay a few hours, six tops.”
Applejack face hoofed before stomping away to clean herself up.
“Now you see, kids, back then your aunt Dash hadn’t let her secret out of the stable. It wasn’t until she got a surprise visit with the help of your mother that Mac learned the truth.”
Twilight dropped Mac off at the front door of Dash’s house. She agreed to read a book in the weather balloon until he was finished visiting.
Mac snuck into the cloud house on the tips of his hooves. Between the soft clouds and his stealthy walking, he didn’t make much noise for such a massive, muscular stallion. It took some searching but he finally found Dash in her room, doing the most unexpected of things.
“You’re so pretty, I’m sure he’ll love it!” Dash cooed at herself in the mirror.
Mac’s jaw hit the floor at what he saw.
Dash stood there in a form-fitting black maid’s dress. It attached at her shoulders and had a small drape over her wings. The dress tightened over her flank, highlighting the curves. The white undergarment draped out to the sides of her tail, curling up into frilly lace.
On each hoof she had a polished black horseshoe, and white socks with black fishnet woven into them. On her head was a maid’s cap, matching the rest of the uniform perfectly down to the flowers stitched around the rim. In her mouth was a duster as she made a show of cleaning an imaginary bookshelf.
Dash raised her flank high in the air as she dusted the bottom shelf. Her plot came into full view as she waved her tail invitingly, still unaware of her house guest.
It was too much for Mac to handle. His legs turned to rubber and he collapsed onto his rump. “Whoa.”
“Gah!” Dash screamed. Without looking who was behind her, she had sprinted and flown out the window. Seconds later there was a loud boom, shaking the house, and a wave of color flooded through the window.
“Now kids, I’ve never lied to you! Honestly, Rainbow Dash, captian of the Wonderbolts, secretly loves wearing frou frou dresses!
“I know that I lied about Santa Claws, who eats naughty children. . . and the Easter Pony, and the Demon Griffin of Fleece Street. . .
“Look, the point is, your mother asked me to help search for Dash. Mac was worried, and after he uh. . . ‘took a cold shower’, he set off to find his special somepony.”
Dash peeked her head out of the bushes. There were two ponies in the distance. One was Twilight, the other a stallion. She would have taken the maid’s outfit off, but she didn’t want to lose it. Dash had a heck of a time buying the girly outfit without a single pony she knew seeing her buy it. She’d be damned if she surrendered her favorite vice to save her image, therefore, she had to get back home and find out who caused her to panic.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid! That was probably Pinkie, and she’s probably told the whole town already! Or worse, what if Applejack finds out?” Dash said.
Twilight wandered into the distance after giving up on finding Dash on this end of Ponyville.
Dash took off towards the house with her maid outfit on, intent on changing out of it and then figuring out which of her friends had caught her in the act of doing something girly.
She landed in her room, and the lights flipped on. Dash almost bolted back out the window when she saw Big Mac there.
“Ah figured you’d come back ta hide after ah sent Twilight away,” he said.
“It’s not what it looks lik—what are you doing in a tuxedo?”
Mac chuckled. “Ah think it’s obvious, ah borrowed a butler’s outfit from Braeburn. Now we can roleplay a maid and a butler, and judgin’ by how dirty this room is, y’all are a very naughty maid.”
Dash blushed. “But this isn’t me! I’m too cool to wear dresses and I didn’t want anypony to know—”
“My lips are sealed. Besides, have ya seen how good your flank looks in that skirt?”
“Damn straight I have!” Dash laughed as the nervousness melted away. “I guess a little roleplay wouldn’t hurt.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“Why hello there, Maid, how are ya?” the Butler asked.
“I’m good. Say, did you hear the master is out on a hunting trip?” the maid replied.
Grinning, the Butler stepped into the room. “Indeed, hunting for nubile young mares, no doubt. Have you heard about his latest mistress?”
“Yes Ma—Butler, I hear she has had a dozen lovers in as many weeks.” The Maid took two steps towards the butler.
He looked around, clearly unimpressed. “What a pitiful library, does the master only read cheesy action books? And he has clearly never heard of interior decorating.”
The maid stomped a hoof. “Hey! My—The Master’s house looks splendid! I bet it looks way cooler then the dump you must live in, good Butler.”
The Butler ran his hoof along a shelf made of cloud, bringing up a thick coat of dust. “If I used you to clean it, it would look like a dump.”
The maid leapt over to slap him, and he caught her hoof. “You take that back!”
“You’ve been a very naughty maid. Now, as the Butler it is my duty to tie you to that bed and show you the proper way to use a duster.”
Mac the Butler pinned Dash the Maid to the bed, and proceeded to sti—
“What do you mean, kids? Of course this is important to the story! If it hadn’t been for Dash and Mac’s night of kinky roleplaying, “Wonderbolts and Farmhands”, the award winning dice-based board game would never have been invented. If that hadn’t been invented, I never would have beaten your mother in round four of the tournament. And, if I hadn’t beaten her, she’d never have accepted my hoof in marriage!
“Fine! I was going to tell you all the kinky details now that you’re old enough. You can both go to bed without super, and don’t try asking Spike to sneak you some donuts again! We have you on a scientifically formulated diet to ensure you grow up as healthy young babies of Princess Twilight.”