Heartfelt
Stasis was bored. Really, really bored. Back with his family, he’d normally deal with boredom by moping about, silently glaring at all the happy, content changelings about him. How selfish they had seemed, going about their business and pleasure with such aplomb while their little sibling suffered so. Their carefree ways seemed to mock him and his troubles.
Back then, though, he hadn’t had Major.
“Major,” he said. “I’m bored.”
“Hmm.”
Stasis gestured at the stage around them. “This is stupid. I don’t know why I let you talk me into this. These ponies are all terrible liars. Even if we had a hundred Jacks, we couldn’t ever make a good play with ponies like these. My talents are being wasted. My summer is being wasted. This is unforgivable. I can’t forgive these ponies. I can’t forgive you either. You should feel terrible.”
“Hmm.”
“It’s like watching foals try to learn to walk. It’s just embarrassing for the entire species.”
“Hmm.”
“We should do something. I don’t know…maybe we could go backstage and paint vulgarities on the scenery. Except I hate to paint, and you don’t know any vulgarities…hmm…wait. I have an idea! What if we worked together? Even Star Swirl couldn’t complain then; he’s always droning on about how much more I could accomplish with others than by…my…self. You’re not listening. You’re looking at Abra again, aren’t you?”
“Hmm.”
“You are! Here I am, trying to be a ‘team-player’ and think of fun things for us to do, and you’re just sitting there and staring at girls! What is wrong with you?”
Major’s dreamy expression turned into a frown, although he didn’t take his eyes off of the bigger, browner filly. “Well, you don’t like it when I stare at you, and I just think that she is a really good actress. I don’t think that I’ll ever be as good an actress as her.”
Stasis looked over at Abra, who was practicing one of the scenes under Jack’s doleful supervision. She actually was delivering her lines well, if a bit hesitantly, and she kept glancing around at the surrounding ponies as if they actually cared whether she was doing a good job or not.
She was wrong. Nopony cared. Nopony except Major, and he was misguided.
“You’re misguided,” Stasis explained to his companion. “There’s nothing stare-worthy about Abra at all. She’s just a stupid, boring filly who reads books all day long but never gets super-powerful or famous like Star Swirl.”
“She’s not stupid,” Major said with a touch of recalcitrance. “Everypony knows that Abra is really smart; you just say things like that because you don’t like her. And she’s not boring, either; maybe if you talked to her instead of saying mean things all the time, you’d get to know all the interesting things about her.”
Stasis blinked. After a few moments consideration, his gaze narrowed and he glared at his companion.
“You’ve been talking to your dad again, haven’t you.”
“My dad knows lots of things that you and I don’t know, Stasis,” Major asserted.
Stasis rolled his eyes. He had used to think that he wanted to learn everything there was to know. Then he learned about Major’s dad.
A thought occurred to him. “If Abra’s so terribly interesting, why don’t you tell me something interesting about her?” he asked slyly.
Major took on his deep-thinking expression for a minute. “Well, she’s good friends with Mrs. Dewey the librarian, and she really likes to read all the old histories about great wizards like Clover the Clever and the Unicorn King. She tries to do spells on her own sometimes, but I guess it’s hard to do without anypony to teach her. Her mom is an earth pony, and her dad lives in Hollow Shades now.”
Stasis frowned. “Okay, first of all, none of that was interesting because it was about Abra. Also, you made it all up.”
Major shook his head. “No, I didn’t! Abra told me that stuff herself.”
“That was just some stupid dream you had, Major. Abra doesn’t talk to you.”
“She does too!” Major paused. “Um…she did too! Just the other day. I was at the library, and she was at the library, and I asked her if she wanted to play, and normally she tells me to shush since it’s a library and we’re not supposed to talk in libraries, but this time she didn’t tell me to shush. She asked me if I was ever going to stop asking her that, and I told her probably not, and so she said that she was too old to play, and I said that I was sorry to hear that, and I asked her what she was reading, and she told me what she was reading, and I asked her some questions, and then she had to go home.”
“I don’t believe you,” Stasis asserted. “And if even if I did believe you, it doesn’t matter. Abra’s boring. You should stop staring at her. It’s bad for you.”
Major shook his head. “I don’t think so, Stasis. I think that Abra is kind of pretty, and my dad says that it’s good to look at pretty things.”
Stasis stared at his companion as if seeing him for the first time.
“You think what?”
“I said that –“
“She’s brown, Major!” Stasis exclaimed. “From top to bottom, brown! Brown, brown, brown!”
“Brown is a very pretty color,” Major protested.
“Have you ever even seen brown?” Stasis countered. “Brown is the color you get when you forget to wash the brush, Major! It’s the color of dirty old tree bark and dead lawn trimmings! And do you know what else is brown? Can you guess? It’s small and brown and lumpy and it’s not potaters.”
“But…chocolate is brown,” Major countered. “So are chestnuts, and cinnamon, and nutmeg. Teak is brown and it’s my very favorite wood, and finches can sometimes have the prettiest brown eggs that I’ve ever seen. Also, Abra is brown.”
“Teak?” Stasis exclaimed. “Finches? Nutmeg? So that’s what you’ve been doing whenever you stare at her. You’re just sitting over there, pretending to be my companion while you think about how pretty she is! You traitor!”
Major rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “Well….”
Stasis threw up his hooves in disgust. “Ugh! I can’t even…I don’t even want to talk to you right now, you…you…brown-lover!”
Major frowned and, seeming to gather his courage, looked Stasis in the eye. “You know, Stasis…you’re grey…and if we’re talking about interesting colors and boring colors, I think you should know that –“
“We’re not talking about grey! We’re not! This conversation is about brown!” Stasis interjected hastily. “Anyway, grey is a great color, the best, not all in-your-face like black and…um…you know what? I’m hungry. I’m really, really hungry. You should go to the grocer’s and get us something to eat.”
Major looked confused. “But…we just –“
“I’ll pay you back when we go to my house. But you better hurry; it’ll be our scene in just a few minutes,” Stasis finished.
“Oh. Okay,” Major said, quickly turning about and trotting for the exit.
Stasis sighed. Why couldn’t I be a really intimidating color, like black? Or red? Or black and red? He shook his head. Life was stupid.
He narrowed his eyes and looked over at the boring-brown filly. She had just finished her part and was exiting center stage.
What was it about her that could attract Major’s attention so? What was it that could divert Major’s attention from where it was rightfully due: that is, on Stasis?
Now that he thought about it, this was not the first time he had heard of such things. He recalled how Mag, returning from one of her missions, used to boast to her brothers about how much more successful she had been, how much more refined her technique.
He recalled as well the means by which she claimed to garner such success, her secret weapon that none could match, that would enable her to break any male of any species to her will.
Feminine wiles.
Of course! How could he have not seen it before? It was so obvious!
He glared at the brown filly, reclining by herself over near the rear of the stage, reading her book. So innocent. So mild.
…Or so she would have us believe. In reality, she was quietly weaving her web, her feminine wiles reaching out and through the hearts of everypony, tugging them into her grasping hooves. It was no wonder that unsuspecting innocents such as Major should be caught helpless by her power.
…Stasis wished that he had feminine wiles. Alas, Mag had refused to teach him, claiming that it was simply too much power to be left in the hooves of one so very young, and so very male. He hoped that she was happy. Here he was, her brother, a prince no less, left defenseless in a strange land before the might of his companion-stealing adversaries.
What was a little changeling to do against such odds? He would have to be clever. He would have to be strong. He would have to be ruthless.
Quickly formulating a plan, he trotted over towards where Abra lay reposed. He smiled and opened his mouth to greet her.
“Go away, Stasis,” she said, her mouth tightening but her eyes refusing to leave her book. “I’ve got nothing to say to you.”
He put a hoof to his chest. “Me? I’m just an innocent little pony child. What did I ever do to deserve such harsh regard?”
Her eyes met his, her lip twitching. “What did you do? What did you do? You covered my pencils in hot chili oil, you little brat!”
“Oh. That.” He shrugged. “Chewing on your pencils is a really nasty habit, Abra. Better than picking your nose, maybe, but definitely worse than chewing your lip, which I’ve also seen you do. Anyway, I was just trying to help you kick a bad habit. That’s what friends are supposed to do, right? Help each other?”
She slapped her book shut. “I don’t pick my…you’re not my friend! And what about the time you faked a note to the Principal saying that my mom was putting me in a special-needs school! How was that supposed to help me?”
“We all have our problems and difficulties, Abra,” he said sympathetically. “Some more so than others. I thought that you might benefit from more individualized attention.”
Abra’s face began to resemble chocolate pudding, her facial muscles twitching all about. It was fascinating to watch.
“Oh? Is that right? Is that what you think?” she finally managed to say. “And what about the time you painted my hind hooves blue while I was just trying to read my book in peace? What was that supposed to accomplish?”
“That one was actually Major’s fault,” Stasis explained. “I told him to buy purple paint, but sometimes he has trouble telling the difference between purple and dark blue. Anyway, I think it made you look classy. Have you ever considered wearing make-up? I think that you’re one of those fillies who could really benefit.”
Abra levitated her book into the air, and for a moment he was concerned that she would try to strike him with it again. But after a few moments she just put it into her saddlebags. Which were, of course, a very boring brown color.
“You…are…horrible,” she finally gritted out. “You are the single worst creature that I’ve ever met. I would rather get dunked in a vat of bacon grease and dropped in a pack of wild manticores than spend another second with you.”
“Manticores don’t travel in packs,” Stasis explained. “They are territorial. And they generally leave equines alone unless they’re starving, threatened, or they can smell fresh blood. Step into a thorn bush, and you might as well be stepping into a manticore’s belly,” he elucidated. He imagined her in a manticore’s belly. He bet it would get indigestion.
Abra stared at him.
“Horrible,” she said after a few moments.
Stasis waved a hoof dismissively. “Anyway, I didn’t come over here to talk to you about predators or to open old wounds.”
“Old wounds?” she questioned. “You painted my hooves last week! Look, I still have paint on my soles!” Abra said, raising one hind hoof up as proof.
Stasis waved the offending appendage away. “I didn’t come to stare at your hooves, either. I actually came to talk to you about something you might be interested in. I was going to tell you what your grade on the final exams was.”
She snorted and threw back her mane. “I know what my grade was, Stasis. Like I need you to tell me my grades!”
“You know?” Stasis asked, raising one eyebrow in surprise. “What a coincidence. So do I!”
Abra opened her mouth to retort, but then she paused. “Wait, what?”
“We have so many things in common,” Stasis continued. “You know what your grades are…and I know what your grades are. It’s almost eerie.”
“You can’t know my grades,” Abra countered. “Those are private!”
Stasis shrugged. “Are your grades private? Are they public? What do such concepts even mean?” He shook his head. “I don’t know, Abra. These things seem better left up to the philosophers than to common ponies like you and I.”
Abra’s eyes narrowed. “What are you getting at?”
Stasis took on a contemplative look. “Well, I just had this thought. What if somepony were to read a book on lock-picking that would let them pick a lock on a supposedly secure office door leading to hypothetically secure student grades? And what if said pony found that you were not, in fact, the smartest student in the class?”
“You broke into Miss Brighten’s office?” Abra asked, aghast. “That’s illegal!”
“I’m a minor,” Stasis replied.
“Nopony did better than me!” Abra exclaimed. “I’ve always been at the top of the class!”
“But what if you weren’t?” Stasis hypothesized. “What if there were another little pony who was smarter? Brighter? Better? What if he possessed more charisma, charm, and fearsome beauty than is any mere pony’s right?”
“You did not get a better grade than me, you liar!” she said, eyes flashing. “Do you know how hard I studied for those exams?”
Stasis looked to her left, where there was nopony. Then he looked to her right, where there was nopony.
“Given the general lack of companionship that I’m seeing here, I’m guessing you spend a whole lot of time studying, Abra,” he answered. “That’s what makes this so embarrassing.”
Abra’s glare turned positively poisonous and she opened her mouth a few times, but no words were forthcoming.
“I mean, I don’t even have my cutie-mark yet, for Discord's sake,” Stasis continued. “I only started school halfway through the semester. Can you imagine what the other ponies at our school are going to think when they hear about this?” He shuddered.
Abra glared at him, but after a few moments she began to blink furiously before turning her head to the side, her eyes squeezed shut.
“What is that you want, Stasis?” she squeezed out between clenched teeth. “Why won’t you just leave me alone?”
Oh, don’t play coy with me, seductress, he thought. You may have all the others fooled, but I’d like to see you try to worm your way into my affections! I have a will of iron, a mind of steel, and a heart of stone!
“I’m blackmailing you because I want you to quit the play,” he said out loud. “That’ll make it really, really easy to leave you alone, since I’ll never have to see you again.”
Abra stood, her saddlebags already hanging at her sides as she trotted quickly towards the exit. Stasis watched her go questioningly. She wasn’t going to put up a fight, or even give any parting shots or anything? That was weird. He enjoyed her enemyship; he wasn’t sure what to think of her just giving up like that.
He shrugged. Well, he had won, anyway. He supposed that would have to be enough. He had better things to do than waste his time thinking about Abra.
“You are so mean, Stasis.”
Stasis jumped, startled. Beside him was a little white-and-yellow filly.
He looked around the stage. “Where did you even come from? Are you stalking me?”
“I heard what you said to Abra,” Goldie said matter-of-factly. “You are the meanest pony that there ever was.”
Stasis rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, whatever. I’ve got stuff to do, little girl. Why don’t you go play with your dolls or something?”
“I’m bigger than you are!” Her nose scrunched up as she glared at him. “And I’m telling.”
He waved her off dismissively. “Oh, you’re one of those, are you? Fine. Go tell. With every tale of woe that you spread about me, I grow stronger.”
Goldie shook her head. “I’m telling Major. I’m telling him about all the mean things you said to Abra to make her leave.”
Stasis frowned. “Yeah? Yeah, you think that’s what you’re going to do?” he countered. “Well, guess what: I’m going to tell Major what I think happened. And who do you think that he’s going to believe: me? Or you?”
“Me,” Goldie said.
It was Stasis’ turn to glare at her. She had a point.
“You need to stop interfering in my affairs,” Stasis warned. “If you don’t, you know what I’m going to do?” He paused a moment to think of what he was going to do. After a minute, he smiled slyly.
“I’m going to tell everypony that you’re not really a filly at all. I’m going to tell them about how you’re actually a colt who likes to play with dolls and put ribbons in his mane. You’re just so embarrassed by your own effeminateness that you have to pretend to be a girl to gain any social acceptance at all!” he finished, proud of his masterful understanding of pony social dynamics. If he wasn’t careful, he might accidentally blackmail himself, he was just so good.
Goldie squinted at him. “That’s stupid, Stasis.”
“What?” he asked. “It’s what? No. No. You’re not allowed to use that word. That’s my word.”
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Goldie chanted. “Stasis is just a stupid meanie who hurts big girl’s feelings ‘cause he’s too afraid to pick on somepony his own size.”
“Lies!” he shouted. “Lies! I pick on ponies of all sizes!”
“I’m going to tell on you,” Goldie repeated firmly. “I’m going to tell Major what you did, and I’m going to tell him that he shouldn’t be friends with you anymore. You’re going to be so lonely, and you’re not going to have any friends but some imaginary ones, and then I’m going to tell them what a big jerk you are,” she finished firmly.
“How dare you,” he said. “How dare you. Do you know who I am? That’s it. You’re my archenemy now. I’m going to destroy you, Goldie. I’m going to find out all your insecurities, put them all together, and set them ablaze, one huge inferno of shame and self-doubt that will burn until –“
“What’s going on?” asked Major.
“Major!” Stasis exclaimed, smiling brightly. “It’s so wonderful to see you again! Guess what? We have to go. Right now.”
“I’ve got something that I’ve got to tell you first, Major,” Goldie said. “It’s about Stasis.”
“We can have long conversations about unimportant things later,” Stasis responded, practically dragging Major off the stage.
“What’s going on? What were you and Goldie arguing about?” Major said, trying to turn back and look for the little white-and-yellow filly.
“It doesn’t matter,” Stasis said. “Remember how I said that you can play with Goldie? Well, now you can’t.”
Major stopped. Stasis tugged as hard as he could, but the orange colt wouldn’t budge.
“I’m sorry, Stasis, but I’m already her friend now. I have to play with her,” Major explained. “Besides, you told me that I could.”
Stasis waved away Major’s objection. “Yeah, well, that was before I knew what kind of pony she really is. I mean, I know that you like to think nice things about other ponies and all, but Goldie’s…well, just put all the bad ponies you’ve ever known or heard of and stuff them into one little white-and-yellow package, and that’s pretty much Goldie, right there. She’s a bringer of doom and a harbinger of –”
“Stasis made Abra cry,” said Goldie.
Stasis jumped and then glared at the sneaky little filly.
“What?” Major exclaimed. “Why would you do that, Stasis?”
“You are such a tattle-tale,” he said to Goldie. “I’ve met hundreds of ponies since I came to Trottingham, and out of all of them, you are easily the tattle-tale-ingest.”
“What did you say to her?” Major demanded.
Turning back to his companion, Stasis said, “Listen, Major, I don’t even know…I didn’t make her cry! She just had something in her eye, is all.”
“You’re not a very good liar, Stasis,” Goldie said.
“You stay out of this, you meddlesome pony! And I am an excellent liar!” Stasis retorted.
Major scowled and, pulling off his saddlebags, dug into them for a few moments.
“I know that you don’t like vegetables, Stasis, and I couldn’t remember if potatoes are a vegetable, so I didn’t get you any of those. I thought that you might like fruit, but I couldn’t remember if tomatoes are a fruit or not, so I didn’t get you any of those, either. Here,” he said, throwing Stasis a peppermint stick.
“The grocer, Mr. Basily, gave me some of these, so here. You can have it instead,” Major finished, throwing his saddlebags back on and trotting towards the exit.
“Wait! Wait, Major!” Stasis called out, running after his companion.
Pulling up alongside him, he said, “Where are you going, Major? We’re supposed to be practicing for the play!”
Major kept his gaze firmly ahead, not even bothering to look at Stasis. “I’m going to say I’m sorry to Abra,” he said quietly.
“You’re going to…what? But you didn’t even do anything!” Stasis said, exasperated.
“No,” Major admitted. “But somepony’s got to say their sorry, and if you’re not going to do it, then I guess that somepony’s got to be me.”
“You should make Stasis do it,” said Goldie. “Tell him that he’s got to say he’s sorry, or else you’re not going to be his friend anymore.
Stasis looked over his shoulder and scowled. “Discord’s tooth, what are you even doing here, Goldie? Don’t you have anything better to do?”
“No,” Goldie admitted.
“This is insane,” Stasis complained, trying to keep up with Major’s longer legs. “Do you even know where Abra lives?”
“No,” said Major. “But I’ll know where it is when I get there.”
Stasis groaned.
“Well, here we are,” narrated Stasis. “In the middle of a gods-forsaken wasteland, hours from civilization. No food, no water. We’re going to die. I hope you’re happy, Goldie.”
“This is the poorer side of town, Stasis,” Major explained. “It should only take a few minutes to get home if we hurry.”
“We won’t be able to hurry after societal outcasts break our legs,” Stasis explained.
“Stasis is just a big chicken,” Goldie claimed.
“This situation would be a lot better if you were a big chicken,” Stasis said, his stomach growling. He’d run out of peppermint sticks hours ago.
Major made as if to go up to the grungy tenement, but then hesitated.
“What did you say you did again, Stasis?” Major asked. “If I’m going to say I’m sorry, I guess I should probably know what I’m sorry about.”
Stasis gave an exasperated sigh. “I didn’t do anything. I just spoke a few words to her, is all. A few stray words, easily misinterpreted. I don’t see why everypony is making such a big deal about this.”
“He blackmailed her,” Goldie added.
“Oh, shut up!” Stasis snapped. “You only know that word because I used it first!”
“Why did you do that, Stasis?” Major asked. “Did Abra do something mean to you first?”
“Um…no,” Stasis admitted. “But I thought that…um….”
“Um what?” Major asked.
“Stasis is just a bad pony, is all,” Goldie explained. “He never thinks of anypony but himself.”
Stasis glared at her. He thought of other ponies, all right; right now he was thinking of Goldie, stuck at the top of a tall, tall tower. How long would it take for her hair to grow long enough for ponies to rappel up? He wanted to find out.
“I just thought that…I just thought that….” Stasis shook his head. “You know what? I don’t even care what I thought. I was trying to protect you, but if this is the thanks that I get, then Abra can have you all to herself. She’ll be begging me to take you back inside a week, Major. You’ll see.”
“…Huh?”
Stasis sighed. “Just forget it. Go and apologize now, so we can get out of here and go back home.”
“No, you need to do it,” said Goldie. “You’re the one who was mean, so you’re the one who needs to say that you’re sorry.”
“What do you know?” Stasis questioned. “Anyway, Major already volunteered.”
Major frowned and gave Stasis a stern look. “You know, Stasis, maybe ponies would like you more if you said that you were sorry after you hurt their feelings.”
Stasis glared at Major, and then at Goldie. He shook his hoof at the two recalcitrant ponies. “You know what I’m sorry about? I’m sorry that ponies don’t have more feelings for me to hurt. I’m sorry that there’s only twenty-four hours in a day to cause trouble in. I’m sorry that I’m all the way out here, in the middle of nowhere, apologizing for something that I’d do again if I had half a chance!”
“You’re horrible,” said Goldie. “You’re horrible. Major and I should just leave you here alone so that you can think about how horrible you are.”
“I don’t think that you really mean all those things you say, Stasis. You probably just say stuff like that because you’re angry, but I think that you can actually be a really good pony if you try hard.”
“No, he can’t. He was probably supposed to be a good pony, but then he got broke somehow. You’re a broken pony, Stasis.”
“I really wish that you would try to be nicer to other ponies, Stasis,” said Major. “You won’t make very many friends by being mean to them, and my dad says that friendship is magic and –“
“Stop!” yelled Stasis. He rubbed his temples with both hooves for a few moments.
“You two…you two. You two are going to kill me. ‘Murder by suicide,’ they’re going to call it.”
“I’m sorry, Stasis. I wasn’t trying to kill you,” apologized Major.
“You’re mean to other ponies, but really you’re just a big crybaby,” said Goldie.
“Look,” he began. “If I apologize to Abra instead of Major, can we just forget that this whole thing ever even happened?”
“Forget what?” asked Major.
“I’ll never forget,” stated Goldie.
“You know what I just realized? I hate both of you.” Stasis began walking towards Abra’s door.
“Wait!” shouted Major.
“What is it, Major?” demanded Stasis. “I’m doing what you want me to! That makes you one of two ponies to ever boss me around, and the other one made his reputation through the mutation and cremation of the unborn!”
“…I don’t know who the other pony is, Stasis, but you can’t say you’re sorry unless you mean it,” Major declared. “It doesn’t count if you don’t mean it.”
“Says who!”
“My –“
“Dad!” Stasis exclaimed, facehoofing. “Your dad told you! Of course.”
Major looked thoughtful. “You know, my dad used to spank me when I was bad to teach me not to be. Maybe if you spank yourself when you’re bad, it will make you feel sorry for being bad in the first place.”
Stasis shook his head. “Major, that’s the stupidest – ow! He said that I was supposed to spank myself, Goldie!”
“I was just doing that ‘cause you deserve it,” Goldie explained.
“If you weren’t a girl pony, I would so hit you right now,” Stasis snarled.
“Maybe my idea wasn’t as good as I thought it was,” Major mused.
“I hate both of you,” Stasis reminded them. “Now, I’m going to go say I’m sorry to Abra, and I’m not going to mean it at all, and there’s nothing that either of you can do about it!”
Stasis marched towards the door to the pony building. He knocked on the door, and waited.
A minute or two passed. He could feel the expectant stares of the two ponies on his back. He knocked again. And waited. And knocked again.
Just as he was on the verge of calling down all forms of horrible curses on the ponies and all their houses, the door opened.
“What?” asked an older mare, looking down at Stasis.
…Or at least, she appeared to be an older mare at first glance. On the second, she just looked a bit ill-cared for. Her coat had lost its sheen, her mane and tail were quite obviously unbrushed, and her expression was one of impolite disinterest.
“You’re not Abra,” Stasis noted.
The mare looked over her shoulder. “Abra!” she yelled. “Somepony’s here for you!”
The door shut in Stasis’ face.
Just because he was a wicked little changeling didn’t mean that he couldn’t also be a patient little changeling, when the need arose. He decided to wait a few more moments before taking any further action, such as knocking again, or perhaps breaking a window.
As he was scoping out all the nearby rocks of appreciable size, however, the door opened once more, and a certain boring-brown filly looked out at him, her eyes red-rimmed and angry.
“Abra. I wanted –“
The door slammed in his face. He frowned and looked back at Major.
“You gotta be persistent!” shouted the orange colt.
Stasis muttered a few mild curses in the old tongue as he knocked on the door once more.
“Leave me alone!” came a muffled shout from inside.
“You open this door right now, you –“
“Nice words, Stasis!” called out Major. “Nice words!”
“I’m going to apologize the way I want to apologize!” Stasis yelled back over his shoulder. Turning back to the door, he cleared his throat.
“Listen, Abra, the quicker you open this door, the quicker we can get this over with.”
“Go away, you creepy little stalker!”
“I did not come all the way out here for nothing, Abra! I’m going to apologize to you, face-to-face, whether you like it or not!” Stasis shouted back. “I’ll stay out here all night if I have to! I’ll stand here until I’m dead and buried, and then I’ll rise from the grave and stand here again! And when my bones are dust, I’ll stand in your dreams and –“
The door cracked open, and Stasis could just barely see one of Abra’s eyes peek out of the ill-lit space beyond.
“You think that I’m going to fall for some stupid trick like this? You’re never sorry. No matter how many times I tell you to stop, you just won’t leave me alone!”
“Well, maybe I wasn’t sorry,” Stasis admitted. “But these other ponies are sorry, and they’ve been doing nothing for hours but make me feel sorry too. So…um….”
“Just say ‘I’m sorry!’” shouted Major. “I’m! Sorry!”
“It’s not as easy as it sounds!” Stasis shouted back.
“Slap him, Abra! Slap him!” shouted Goldie.
Stasis turned back to Abra, who did not remind him so much of a skilled seductress right now as an angry, red-eyed cyclops, staring at him hungrily from her dark cave. He cleared his throat.
“Well, Abra, I guess that I’m kind of sorry that I blackmailed you and tried to force you out of the play. It seemed like a really good idea at the time. And I’m not sorry about all the other things. You just don’t have a very good sense of humor.”
Abra’s expression turned from angry to angrier and incredulous. “That’s it? You came all the way here for that?”
“I really, really hope so,” Stasis said, turning back and looking at his companion.
“Ask her if she’ll still rehearse with us!” shouted Major.
“That was never part of the deal!” Stasis shouted back. “You only said that I had to apologize! You never said that I had to actually un-blackmail her!”
“I’m right. Here,” said Abra.
Stasis rolled his eyes and turned back to Abra. “Whatever. Come back to the play if you want, Abra. Why should I need to waste all my time trying to embarrass you with false rumors when I can just let you embarrass yourself instead?”
“Please keep coming to the play, Abra!” shouted Major. “Stasis won’t be mean to you anymore!”
The door slowly creaked open, and Abra walked up to Stasis. She seemed a lot taller now, right in front of him. In broad daylight.
“False rumors? What do you mean, false rumors?” she asked slowly, looking down at him.
Stasis rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, you know… I could have broken into Miss Brighten’s office and looked in her records. Or I could just lie about it and say that I had. I feel like I really saved a lot of time this way,” he explained. “I’m pretty sure that you did better than me on the exams, anyway. I only learned how to read a few months ago.”
Abra jabbed one hoof at Stasis. “I…I…I hate you, you know that? I hate you. I’m not a bad pony, but…one way or another, I’m going to get back at you for…for how terrible you’ve been to me! You understand? I’m going to get back at you for every. Single. Thing!” she yelled, slamming the door once more in Stasis’ face.
Stasis waited for a few moments. The silence began to grow awkward.
“Does…this mean that you forgive me?” asked Stasis.
“No!” came a muffled shout.
Stasis turned and went back to his companion, plus Goldie.
“Well…I tried,” he said, shrugging. “This is another reason why I shouldn’t ever apologize. I don’t think that I’m very good at it.”
“Do you think that she’ll come to rehearsal tomorrow?” asked Major worriedly.
“We can come and see if she’s feeling better tomorrow,” said Goldie. “But without Stasis.”
“What’s this ‘we’ business?” demanded Stasis. “There is no ‘we.’ There is no ‘us.’ There’s just a me, and a Major, and if there is a ‘we,’ it certainly doesn’t include any Goldies.”
“I don’t think that you should be friends with Stasis anymore,” said Goldie. “Stasis doesn’t deserve any friends.”
“Major is my companion. I don’t know what you are; you’re not even worthy to be my enemy. You’re not even my acquaintance. You’re more like one of those blind ponies who sit by the side of the road and play music while everypony just feels sorry for them and tries not to get too close.”
“I know what will make you feel better. We should have a sleepover at my house, Major. My dad has snacks that we can eat, and we can tell stories and play games. But Stasis can’t come.”
“You know what would be fun, Major? Let’s ditch Goldie. We can go to my house and eat cookies while we imagine her out here, all alone, miles and miles from salvation as dusk turns to night and the monsters come out to feed….”
“Do you think that Abra is feeling any better now? She still looked really upset. Do you think that maybe I should go say that I’m sorry, too?”
“She’s fine, Major. She’s not really sad anymore, she’s just angry. She’ll probably come to every rehearsal from now on, just to spite me.”
“I’m not like Stasis; I like Abra. I’m always nice to her.”
“You are such a sycophant.”
“You’re stupid.”
“Stop using my word!”
“Could you guys please stop arguing? It’s giving me a headache, and I’m still worried about Abra.”
Stasis wrapped one hoof around his companion’s shoulder. “Listen, Major, this is really not that complicated. You see, I don’t have any other companions, which makes you my only companion in the whole wide world. Which means that you’re really, really special. But look over there at Goldie! Look at how small and white and adorable she is! Doesn’t she just make you want to pick her up and cuddle her? I mean, her name is Goldie, for Discord’s sake. She’s probably got a bajillion friends. There’s nothing special about her at all.”
“I don’t have any friends anymore,” said Goldie quietly. “Except for Mr. Top-hat, but he’s just a doll.”
Stasis dropped his hoof off Major’s shoulder. “Well…” he stammered. “Umm….”
“Okay, that’s it. You two need to start being nice to each other, right now!” demanded Major.
“But…how can I be nice to somepony who’s so –“
“Aaat!” shouted Major. “Were you about to say nice words, Stasis?”
“No….” Stasis pouted.
“Stasis is –“
“Aaat!” shouted Major. “Were you about to say nice words, Goldie?”
She scuffed the ground with one hoof. “Probably not,” she admitted.
Major glared them both into silence. After a few quiet moments, he said, “My dad says that if you can’t think of nice things to say, then don’t say anything at all. And from now on, I’m friends with both of you, and there’s nothing that either of you can do or say that’s going to change my mind about that!”
“I think it cheapens friendship to be giving it out to just anypony who walks in off the street,” Stasis said.
“But…are you really going to stay my friend, Major? Even…even when Stasis says mean things about me?” asked Goldie, looking at the orange colt plaintively.
Major nodded. “Yep! I don’t understand a lot of what he says, anyway.”
“Look, there’s a hobo. Why don’t we go ask if he wants to be our friend? Or that thorn-bush? It’s probably lonely.”
“We should…we should go home now,” said Goldie quietly, suddenly looking smaller and more demure. “It’s starting to get dark. My dad’s probably really worried about me….”
“Who cares?” Stasis questioned sensibly. “Anyway, who put you in charge?”
“Hey! Maybe we should vote!” exclaimed Major. “I always wanted to vote, but Stasis would never let me do it when it was just the two of us.”
Stasis rolled his eyes. “You live in an autocracy, Major. What do you know about voting?”
“I live in a…huh?”
“I say that I should get to make all the decisions, just like Celestia,” said Stasis.
“You’re not a princess, Stasis,” said Goldie.
“I’m a…well, I’m almost as good as one of your princesses, anyway.”
Major rubbed the back of his neck. “Well…maybe we can vote on whether we should be an auto-crassy or whether we should…um…vote.”
Stasis snorted. “Didn’t you pay any any attention during history class, Major? Autocrats aren’t voted for. They’re born. Or they seize control! Bwahahahahaha!”
“Stasis is a bad pony; don’t listen to him, Major. We should just all get equal votes like normal ponies,” said Goldie.
“I’m only voting if my vote is more equal than yours,” Stasis declared.
“Maybe three ponies is too many for everypony to agree on things,” Major mused.
“Two is too many, when one of those ponies is Stasis,” said Goldie.
“I don’t need you two to agree. I just need you to do what I say.”
“I’m hungry, and it’s really late. I think that maybe I’m going to go home, and you guys can follow if you want to,” said Major, who began walking back towards Star Swirl’s side of town.
“I think that my cutie-mark is going to be in despotism,” said Stasis as he ran after Major, getting excited at the thought. “I’m going to start with you two. If a pony can’t rule his companions, who can he rule? That’s what I think.”
“I still think that Abra should have slapped you,” said Goldie. Turning to Major, she asked, “Is he always this bad?”
“Yeah, kinda.”
“Bwahahahahahaha!”