Everything had been arranged as perfectly as Twilight could manage it. Spike was running the library, a friend of Rarity's was keeping an eye on the Carousel Boutique, and the other four Bearers had promised they'd tell them if anything went down that required them.
Yet here, sitting in Fancy Pants's elegant and airy parlor, the young alicorn couldn't help but feel a little... off. Perhaps it wasn't what was going on back home that she was worrying about; as much as she hated to admit it, the golem maid unsettled her just a little. Perhaps it was how she had no coat, just a smooth, muted cream-colored surface. Perhaps it was how her eyes, the same pastel lavender as her hair, had no pupils. Perhaps it was the strangely doll-like quality of her whole form, especially when she moved. Perhaps it was her cutie mark, a pair of horizontal broken lines in a circle, that didn't seem to say anything about who she was.
As Fancy Pants and his wife stepped out to leave their guests with the pony they called their "brilliant little maid", Rarity sat up a little straighter, clearing her throat. "So, er, Miss Agate, how long have you been in the employ of Mr. Fancy Pants?"
The creamy-yellow golem's smile was certainly there, but it was sort of... bland, slight, and yet it seemed entirely genuine. "Three years, five months, one week, and four days, though it would suffice to call it three and a half years, I believe." She took a sip of her tea before continuing. "I was built two years before then by a group of Zebrafican alchemists, then relocated to Columbia six months after becoming conscious."
Twilight blinked in surprise. "You're only five years old?" Rarity's disapproving glance went unnoticed; the braniac would have to be admonished later. "You look, well, around my age at least..."
"I am indeed five years old in chronological terms, but as early as one week from my creation date I had the mental profile of an adult pony. After all, golems are built with adult bodies from the beginning, so giving us adult minds from the outset is the logical choice." Agate nodded, still smiling blandly.
Sipping her tea, Rarity stepped in before Twilight could say anything else that might come off as impolite (though she had to admit, Agate was quite docile). "How did you first meet Mr. Fancy Pants, and, if I may ask, dear, do you know of any other golem ponies in the area?"
Blinking (and somehow underlining the fact that she didn't blink quite as often as most ponies), Agate seemed to think about the questions for a heartbeat---did she even have a heartbeat? "For the first question, I was in the employ of an old friend of his in Columbia, a griffon who was also a former vice president of that nation, and upon his passing away I was taken in by Mr. Fancy Pants, for which I am most grateful." She smiled just a little more, it seemed. "I have stayed with him and Madam Fleur from that point on, and hope to remain in their employ as long as is possible.
"As for the second question, I believe there is at least one golem currently residing in Hoofington; all confirmed reports indicate them to be a mare built in the pegasus frame. Here in Canterlot, Mr. Classy Clover has had a golem unicorn stallion as his butler since before I arrived. I believe there may be a higher golem concentration in Columbia, and one gentlemare known to my previous employer actually had a golem wife."
Twilight swallowed some tea the wrong way, coughing for a few seconds as Rarity held a napkin to her mouth. "A pony m-married a golem?! How---why---" She caught Rarity's wince this time and began backpedaling frantically. "Um, not that I'm implying anything's wrong with golems or that there's a reason ponies wouldn't want to marry golems, I'm sure you're just as eligable as any mare---not that I'm trying to ask you to marry me, of course..."
Thankfully, the young alicorn's bumbling was met with a slight change in Agate's smile and little else. "I understand that it may seem odd, especially given that you may be unfamiliar with golems in general. I believe the qualities some individuals find attractive in golems are consistent docility, a naturally pleasant disposition, and an almost total lack of the negative effects of aging. Having never faced romantic propositions of any kind, however, I do not know for sure."
Blushing at her veritable trainwreck of social blunders, Twilight gave the golem mare the most grateful smile she could. "Thank you very much for taking the time to talk with us, Miss Agate, it's so kind of you."
---
"She's trying to pull you into a ladder, Beta..." A copper-brown stallion with a darker mane whispered into the small blue filly's ear, pupil-less blue eyes matching his cutie mark (☶). Across a gridded wooden board on the table sat a pegasus mare so dark grey she was nearly black, sporting those same golem eyes in red and another strange golem cutie mark (☳). Frowning, the red-eyed mare placed down another round black stone.
Clack.
Smiling, Beta picked up a white stone. "Chassis, you tried that the last three times. Do you really think I'll keep falling for the same thing?" They hadn't had all that much to do since the HIMS Inner Truth left the capital several weeks ago.
Clack.
Beta's other sister, light grey and teal-maned, giggled softly as her winged older sister scowled at the brown stallion.
"Drawplate, don't go giving her hints! Template, tell him not to do that." Chassis glanced over, her navy mane swishing.
Template giggled again, jade eyes bright. "Drawplate, you know Beta doesn't need any help. She's more talented at Go than Chassis anyway!" Chassis rolled her eyes, grumbling and setting down another stone.
Clack.
"By the way, Drawplate, how are the crew doing? They're not upset over that griffon running away, are they?" Template decided she might as well draw her older brother's attention from the game at hand lest he continue to advise Beta. As usual, she earned from him a somewhat indulgent smile.
Clack.
"Of course not, Template. They're only golems, not equinculi---they don't really get upset like we can. They're usually okay with most things, it's just the way golems are." He shook his head, mane bobbing. "Sometimes I wonder if you worry about them a little more than you need to."
Clack.
Beta giggled as she caught Chassis in a bad spot, removing several black pieces from the board. Template sat up, smiling still. "I think I worry just enough, brother. I am Crown Princess of the Empire, after all. It's my responsibility to worry about my subjects."
Clack.
---
Click.
The golem shut off the radio, double-checking the message before handing it to the courier. He had no idea what the symbols meant, but he had no need to know---the Imperial Equinculi could read them, and they were the only ones who needed to know.
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