Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It belongs to The Hub, Hasbro, Studio B, and Lauren Faust. I do not own any of these characters in any way or how, nor do I claim ownership to the pony franchise. These characters are simply my toys.
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"Before we can walk, we have to crawl.”
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Melting Snow
Chapter 9: Baby Steps
The steamy warmth emanating from the small cup before the red steed's eyes seemed to almost create a small cloud just above the coffee cup, one that he could feel give off a heat that would eventually tickle the fur on his chin. However before the cloud had even a moment of life, it seemed to vanish into thin air. The steed thought it to be similar to the way warm breath mixed with harshly chilled winter airs.
A sigh escaped Big Macintosh's throat, one with strength to push away the steamy cloud for a brief moment before he leaned his head on his hoof, glancing out the coffee shop's window out into the world of melting snow outside.
The red earth pony quietly began to fiddle with the stringy ends of his scarf, the strands of red and black entangling themselves into his bare hooves as he tugged and pulled, staring into the direction of the orange rising sun. It was still early, early enough for Apple Bloom to still be sleeping in her bed, only now just rising on her day of freedom away from school.
The stallion's face twisted into a frown as he began to wonder if she was indeed sleeping soundly in her bed, and not woken up by their sister's screaming of his simple moment with Caramel. He tightened the muscles in his upper leg, feeling a sense of guilt he hadn't been able to express in the moment of the heated argument.
Big Macintosh began to shake his head, giving off a brief growl as he attempted to clear his mind, asking himself what on earth he had to feel guilty about.
The steed suddenly jumped as the sound of a bell cut his thoughts in half, forever losing that momentary grip on his anger. He glanced in the direction of the noise, noticing the small bell directly above the door still wobbling in vibrations, singling the call of a new visitor to the quaint little shop.
Big Macintosh could feel his belly tightened once more as he looked downward. The control he usually had over simple emotions such as anger and joy seemed to be slipping today, for he was unable to return to his usual blank expression and shut out his feelings.
The steam from his coffee, while now much weaker than before, began to fill his eyes to the point where he was forced to close them, turning his head away as he began to rub his hoof against his eyelid.
"You're... Big Macintosh, correct?"
The red steed opened one of his eyes, slowly turning his head to the direction of the voice, his eyesight only needing to go so far as right next to him, near causing him to jump once more. Had he really been so out of it that he hadn't noticed a pony standing next to him?
"Uh... Y-Yeah..." The steed began to sit up, realizing he was in fact taller than the other, even sitting down on the small chair. However his expression did turned confused for a brief moment as he stared at the pony before him, the pony himself looking rather... familiar.
"Cara... no." The steed blinked, realizing it didn't make sense for the tan furred, brown maned pony before him to be Caramel. For the pony before him not only held a horn atop his head, but also a thick pair of glasses resting on the end of his muzzle.
"Sage..." The steed breathed.
"Hehe, you made that mistake before." The unicorn spoke, a smile pasted onto his face as he chuckled. "Well, we are twins... it's easy to mix us up at a glance..." The stallion trailed off briefly, looking down. "Caramel said you wanted to come out early... but the sun's barely risen."
"Ah... ah wasn't gonna go just yet." The steed mumbled. "Gonna sit here a while and... Ah guess think fer a bit..."
Sage nodded slowly, looking downward into the coffee cup in his own hoof. The liquid was much more brown than it was black, obviously filled with creme. He looked up at Sage with mild confusion on his face.
"Oh, I come here almost every morning." Sage quickly said, almost answering the confusion the older seemed to have. "Caramel comes sometimes too... but today I wouldn't let him, he has to go to the drug store to fill up his pills, and he hates when I go with him... so I guess it's a good thing you didn't stop at our house... nobody's really home for a while."
"Ah see..." Big Macintosh murmured quietly, not really positive on what he was even supposed to do in a situation like this.
"Is... that seat taken?" Sage asked, nodding his head towards the chair opposite the red steed. In response, Big Macintosh quietly shook his head, watching Sage sit down quickly and sip on his coffee. He stared blankly at the other, watching his movements closely.
"Listen..." Big Macintosh began, "Ah don't want ya ta get the wrong idea here... but why in Equestria are ya sittin' with me?" He asked, raising his brow in question to the unicorn before him.
Sage lost his frown for a brief moment, it was only brief but it was indeed a clear sign that his disguise has slipped away from the happy carefree brother. He looked down into his drink briefly as Big Macintosh finally took the first sip of his own. It had cooled down, tasting even more bitter than normal.
"To be honest... I have my reasons." Sage sighed, blowing his steam in the older's direction. "And to be even more honest... I can't think of a single one that doesn't make me a shallow idiot."
Big Macintosh remained silent, watching as Sage's deep blue eyes briefly met with his. They were far colder than Caramel's were, much more stern and emotionless. He wasn't quite up to par with the steed's own poker face, but he indeed didn't want to betray his emotions so easily. He lifted a hoof to quickly adjust his glasses, a long winded breath escaping his throat as he slowly shook his head.
"I somehow talked myself into sitting here when I walked in..." He grumbled to himself. "Honestly, I wanted to have a conversation between just the two of us later... maybe when I had more of a chance to go over it a little more in my head... but me being an idiot saw you right when I walked in and couldn’t pass up the chance.” Sage began to quietly smooth out his mane. “Who knows when we’d get another moment to be alone... Caramel wouldn’t want to leave you alone for a second right now… did you know he could hardly sleep last night?”
“Cara ain’t… sick is he?” Big Macintosh asked, slight concern in his voice as he spoke. “Ah mean… more so than he normally gets.”
Sage slowly shook his head. “Nope, only a little tired is all… he was late to bed and early to rise today.” The tan unicorn began to sip his coffee once more, as he brought it down he looked at the other once more. “Look… Caramel told me about what happened last night.”
The other must have noticed the way Big Macintosh tightened his muscles in near defense at the other’s statement, because the unicorn quickly lifted a hoof and shook it in front of the others face. “No, No, I’m not angry with you over something like that… It’s easy to be a lot less shocked when yer brother tells you he likes stallions when you were still in high school.”
“Caramel’s… been out to ya all this time?” Big Macintosh asked, tilting his head slightly in confusion. “He… never mentioned that.”
Sage sighed once more, shaking his head. “No, he wouldn’t… Heck he wouldn’t even mention he’s a coltcuddler if somepony asked him… but for some reason he chose to open up to you of all ponies…”
Sage looked down into his coffee, which was now half empty. “He’s a lot… brighter.” The unicorn mumbled. “He used to lay in bed every single day, just coloring in those books of his… the only time he’d ever show any emotion was when he got a panic attack or something from getting his bi-yearly shots…” The unicorn pressed his hoof to his forehead, beginning to rub his temple in circles. “But when you started talking to him, just being there as a friend… he could talk for hours about you.”
Big Macintosh looked at the other in question. Caramel always seemed rather… bright to him, not exactly outgoing, but happy to be his friend at the least. He couldn’t imagine the pony Sage was describing as the pony that made him feel the way he did the previous night.
“It was… really obvious that he liked you…” Sage chuckled, laughing a little louder than necessary. “Last night he spent an hour fixing his mane and even longer in the shower… that’s something I really have to thank you for, he actually sees a reason to take showers now.”
Big Macintosh smiled gently at that, briefly happy that Caramel spent so long fussing just over him. However the grin vanished quickly when Sage’s expression changed, glancing into the eyes of the steed. “But… I also know for a fact that this is the first time Caramel’s had a crush on anypony… and now it’s even more important for me to talk to you now that you… did that to him.”
The unicorn looked down, fiddling with his hooves. “H-He’s my older brother technically… but I’ve always seen myself as three or four years older than him. He was pretty weak back in school, a lot weaker than an earth pony should be… I guess that’s linked to his Immunodeficiency and all…” Sage paused, tugging on the fur to his hoof. “But… that being said… since I’ve known he likes stallions… I’ve pretty much been able to tell which part he’s going to play in any relationship he gets tangled up in.”
“He’s… feminine.” Sage spoke in a hushed tone. “Not extreme enough to use that word strongly… but enough so that I know he isn’t the kind of pony who is able to take charge in relationships… considering he fell for a big guy like you, it doesn’t take Celestia herself to tell who’s going to do what in this relationship.”
“It ain’t…” Big Macintosh paused his words of defense, unsure if he was willing to finish that sentence or not. A relationship was a strong word to describe what the two of them had at the moment.
“Let me finish.” Sage snapped, yet somehow kept his voice cool and collected. “I can’t stop Caramel from liking you, but I sure as hell am not going to let him get hurt just because he’s weaker than most stallions, I’m not going to let him be pushed around or taken advantage of…” Sage bit the inside of his cheek. “He’s my brother… I’ve taken care of him my entire life and I’m sure as hell not going to stop now.”
“Sage…” Big Macintosh began, causing the other to glance at him, betraying a moment of worry. “Caramel… is my best friend.” He paused, looking into his cold coffee. “He’s the first real friend Ah’ve had since Ah was a foal… when Ah kissed him, it wasn’t because Ah just wanted ta sleep with him, or because Ah was forced into it… Ah just wanted ta do it more than anything.” He smiled softly, putting a hoof to his face to hide it. “He’s just… important to me.”
Sage seemed to tighten his muscles briefly. “I don’t want to be the bad guy here… I really, REALLY don’t…” He grumbled. “I know I’m getting off on the wrong hoof here, we’ve only met once after all… heck, I wasn’t even sure if it was you when I first walked in.”
The unicorn’s horn suddenly began to glow as he removed his glasses, placing his hoof to his eyes and beginning to gently rub in circles. “I want to trust in you to take care of him… and I want to trust in Caramel to be smart in all of this… I’m really being a backseat driver though.”
Big Macintosh frowned, chewing briefly on his lip. “Ah know that Ah don’t normally show how I feel... Ah must look like a big rock who yer brother likes.” He laughed dryly. “But… when it’s just me and Caramel, I feel happier… a lot more alive. Time passes a lot faster… I like it.”
The tan unicorn breathed in deeply. “Look... I’m not ever going to understand how you feel about Caramel or how he feels about you… even if it doesn't go anywhere and you just stay friends.” Sage placed his glasses back onto his face. “I… I just wanted to get that off my chest… but now I feel like the father talking to his daughter’s date while I clean my knives or something.”
Sage shook his head quickly. “Look, I have no right to act like this anymore… Why don’t you just come back home with me, it’ll take Caramel at least a half an hour to fill up those pills again, it’ll be a nice surprise for him when he gets home… I won’t feel like such a criminal then.”
The unicorn looked at the patterns on the floor, his cold exterior slowly fading to reveal his worry, both for his brother and for the fact that he might have scared his first crush.
Big Macintosh smiled softly and briefly, nodding slowly to assure he accepted the offer. Funny as it seemed his mind was actually taken off of his sister now that he had gotten a warning to actually be a good coltcuddler.
“G-Good… Then let’s go.” Sage spoke, seeming to look briefly relieved, his actions reminding him of Caramel for a brief moment.
“Sounds like a plan, partner.”
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The small tan stallion couldn't help but wince as an unusually rough gust of wind began to whip at his fur and mane, forcing him to quickly and firmly squeeze his eyelids shut as he hugged his bag to his chest, waiting for it to pass.
He couldn’t help but feel silly once it passed, for he loosened his muscles and stared down as his hooves desperately gripping his saddle bag, wondering if he was the only one who had some amount of fear that he might be knocked over by the wind.
Caramel whimpered gently as he shifted his backside uncomfortably against the cold, smooth stone that the fountain behind him used as a wall. His breath felt heavy as he exhaled, tightening his grip on the saddle bag as he began to let out a rough sounding cough, one that felt his entire body was forcing him to push out.
His eyes felt watery as he angrily began to wipe them, grumbling quietly as he tightened his scarf. He began to feel angry with himself as his breath continued to come in rapid panting shakes, his body simply needing a break or else he would pass out halfway back to his home.
The earth pony sighed, drawing one of his hooves through the slushy snow that had piled up against the wall containing the fountain water. He briefly wondered if it was simply a side effect of the clear skies the night before, or if Cloudsdale was truly preparing for Winter Wrap Up to set in.
Caramel glanced towards the skies, lifting a hoof to block out the beating rays of sunshine pouring into his crystal blue eyes. It did indeed fell warm… at least in comparison to the past two months.
The tan stallion glanced downward, his hoof fiddling with the latch to his saddle bag, his mind beginning to drift. It seemed that the only thing it could drift to was the obvious, Big Macintosh.
He tightened his hold on his bag ever so slightly at the thought of the steed, unable to keep the small smile from encompassing his lips. It was similar to the feeling his body had given him when the stallion had come to see him out of the blue, happy, nervous, and a little bit of fear.
Caramel bit on the inside of his lip, the sound of running water behind him filling his mind. He suddenly began to feel glad he had stayed put; by no means did he want Big Macintosh to see him so fragile and pale again.
The tan stallion’s ears suddenly perked up on their own, as if noticing the sound of approaching hoofsteps before his brain had even registered the sound. Before he had even gotten the chance to glance upward at the incoming hoofsteps, he could hear a snap of a voice.
“Caramel!”
Caramel couldn’t help but jump at his own name as his head snapped upward, looking at a panting Applejack before his eyes. Her mane was a mess; even her hat was missing from atop her head, as if she didn’t even put herself together before running out of the house. And quite literal running at that, she seemed to look exhausted.
“A-AJ… uh… A-Are you alright?”
“Ah… Ah uh…” The orange mare seemed to look away from the tan stallion, remaining silent for a quite a few moments, scrunching her face for a moment as if she were considering on finishing that sentence.
“Ah was wonderin’… Ya didn’t happen ta spot my brother at all today… did ya?”
“He… He already…?” Caramel ceased his words, looking down at his bag as he slowly shook his head, his hoof pulling and tugging at the cold metal latch on his saddle bag. “I haven’t seen since yesterday.”
Applejack let out a sigh, one which Caramel couldn’t distinguish between one of relief or one of annoyance. However before he had the chance to decide on either, he watched as the mare plopped her hind down next to him without even asking, seeming to almost move her body a few inches away until she was sitting at least two feet from him.
“That’s a relief at least…” She murmured, beginning to gently rub her neck.
Caramel could feel his own words get caught in his throat as he glanced at her, watching her look at him every few moments in the same fashion. She quickly latched a hoof on her upper leg, looking down at the small snow piles near her lower legs.
“Caramel…” The orange mare began, her tone seeming as if she was already losing patience with the other. “I want ya ta answer me one thing… what in Sam Hill did ya do ta Big Mac?”
The stallion could feel his belly tighten without warning at those words. Her personality that he had witness not long ago seemed to have changed towards him. She was no longer easy to smile nor one to light up a room. She had grown cold and quick to the point.
“What?” Caramel asked, his mind not exactly quick to register at this point as he looked away from the mare’s eyesight. “W-What the hay are ya… talking about?”
“Ya know darn well what Ah mean!” Applejack snapped at the other, forcing Caramel to jump in worry. “B-Because of whatever ya did ta him Granny’s been yellin’ all mornin’ and Apple Bloom thinks I scared him away by yellin’ even louder! Ah can’t take another moment in there alone with both of them actin’ like that!”
Caramel hugged his saddle bag tightly, biting his lower lip as he began to look down, closing his eyes for a brief moment to regain his thoughts. As he opened them he found his words to be shaky, unrecognizable as he tried to speak.
“I… I just… B-Big… M-Mac he just…”
Applejack seemed to let out a long sigh. “He wasn’t like this before ya… he dated mares, not as often as Ah liked ta think, but he did date them… he never looked twice at a stallion before ya came alone.” The mare put a hoof to her forehead. “W-What the buck happened last night?” She snapped.
The orange mare slowly glanced in the direction of the other, watching him try to speak, looking more uncomfortable by the moment.
“I-I’m… s-sorry…” Caramel continued to stare at the ground as if it contained the meaning to life.
“Just tell me what happened!” Applejack once more hissed, trying her best to not direct her anger fully at the already upset stallion. At the very least she knew not to push his limits if she wanted a real answer.
“B-Big Mac… he just…” Caramel’s ears flattened against his head, it was as if he were being forced to recite a passage from his diary… if he had one that is. “Last night right before he walked me home… he kissed me.”
“Is that it?” Applejack asked, growing irritated. “You two didn’t… y’know… and that’s the reason he was home so late last night?”
Caramel quickly shook his head. “N-No, M-Mac and I didn’t…” He trailed off, feeling his eyes water to the point where he had to squeeze them shut. “L-Look, it was probably my fault a-anyway, I-I was trying to tell him how I felt and I couldn’t say anything, he was j-just trying to make me feel better!”
The tan stallion grew increasingly thankful for the few moments of silence he received from the interrogation he was receiving from the other; it allowed him to regain some control over his emotions, even if it was only to the point where he wouldn’t start crying like a foal.
Applejack glanced at the other, his shaking body seeming to give her a sense of some kind guilt, even if she tightened a muscle in her arm to avoid hissing once more.
“Big Mac…” She began, watching as Caramel slowly turned towards her direction. “He seemed happy about it… b-before I started snappin’ at him.” Her voice was quiet as she spoke, almost as if she didn’t want to admit it.
“R-Really?” Caramel asked, his spirits lifting for a single moment before he forced them to die down, realizing that happiness would only cause the mare to grow angry again.
The mare nodded slowly. “Ya and him have been spendin’ an awful lot of time together… if Ah paid more attention ta the way ya acted at dinner Ah might have even caught on… but Ah ignored the signs because none of them made a lick of sense.”
Applejack shook her head slowly, putting a hoof to her temple and rubbing. “None of this makes a lick of sense. Ah can’t imagine my brother bein’ with another stallion if Ah tried… He’s always been the strong one in our family.” The mare frowned at the memory, closing her eyes briefly as she spoke, “When Ma died, he stopped talking for an entire month… He didn’t cry like Ah did, all he did was make sure Apple Bloom was taken care of… Pa died less than a year later, a-and he almost stopped talking all together… it took even longer for us to get a word out of him.”
Caramel watched as the orange earth pony spoke, his worry losing grip on him for the time being as she continued speaking.
“Ah never thought of him as anything but my Big Brother… But Ah think Apple Bloom thinks of him as a father, even if she doesn’t say nothin’.” Applejack chuckled, showing no emotion whatsoever in her tone of voice. “He’s always been our rock Ah guess… imagining him with another stallion is as foreign as thinkin’ about me with a mare…” She sighed, a white cloud erupting from her throat. She shifted uneasily on the fountain wall, biting the inside of her lip. “Ah used ta think of him ending up with a mare that he would love and be her rock too… W-When I think about you taking that mare’s place… it doesn’t seem right…”
The tan stallion loosened his grip on his bag, not having enough courage to set it down just yet. He sighed as well, regaining some more composure over himself. “Big Mac is like a rock…” He murmured to himself, watching the other as he spoke. “D-Do you know that I…” His voice began growing in power when he directed her speech towards the other. “G-Get sick a lot?”
“Hmm?” Applejack asked, raising her brow. “Sick… what in the name of Celestia does getting’ sick have to do with anythin’?”
“B-Because of Big Macintosh… I don’t just lie in my room day after day waiting to die… I don’t feel worthless anymore, e-even before last night…” Caramel could feel his cheeks flushing a shade of red that he knew would have made the other angry moments prior, but she simply remained quiet. “I’m starting to want to keep myself well, and look good, and m-make sure I don’t get too fat because of him… I never thought of describing him as my rock until now though… but he really is.”
Applejack let out a long and steady breath at Caramel’s words. “My brother is good at that sort of thing… He care’s way too much about the ponies he loves… does he call you Sugar Cube?”
Caramel nodded slowly, unsure if it was smart to answer honestly.
“Figures…” Applejack mumbled. “The first pony he’s ever called Sugar Cube since Pa died isn’t a marefriend at all…” She paused for a long time, glancing behind her at the fountain’s music-like pouring into the water.
“Ah yelled a lot today.” The mare chuckled dryly. “Ah was upset with him, Ah still am… but Ah think talkin’ with ya has calmed me down a little... Can’t believe Ah left home without even grabbin’ my hat, Ah’m a gosh darn klutz today.”
The stallion remained silent at those words, gingerly flicking his tail back and forth behind him. He began to play with his scarf, twisting it gently as he stared at the mare next to him.
“Does… your family know that ya like… stallions?” Applejack inquired, stroking a hoof down her ruffled mane.
“Y-Yeah…” Caramel murmured. “I’m not used to broadcasting that I like them though… Big Mac is the first pony that I…” He trailed off, unable to complete that sentence without blushing like a fool once more.
The mare scrunched her face as the other trailed off, able to fill in the blanks on her own. However it quickly faded as she began to speak, “S-So how did they react? T-To you being a coltcuddler and all… were they as loud as Ah was?” Applejack giggled, showing real emotion in her voice this time, however faint it was.
“R-React?” Caramel asked. “W-Well they…” He bit the inside of his lip, tightening his muscles in his arms. “They kind of…” He frowned, his belly tightening once more.
“Sage… he… well he kind of…” Caramel trailed off once more before taking in a deep breath, looking in the direction of the rising sun.
“Sage got… angry with me…”
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The long road ahead of them seemed oddly barren for how early it was. As Sage looked around he briefly wondered why all the mares and stallion's had not yet exited their homes and were on their way to work, for they usually came and went from both school and work.
The unicorn sighed, realizing that yesterday was in fact Hearts and Hooves day, the only reason he was working later today was simply because the hospital couldn't just shut down.
Sage slowly blinked his clear blue eyes, feeling a sense of strange foreign nature in his own steps. It was only as he looked downward did he realize that the familiar crunching of snow that he had grown so accustomed to had strangely vanished in the passing of days. He grimaced as he set his hoof down, feeling the wet snow soak his furry hooves to the bone, causing a shiver to run down his spine as he focused on that feeling for even a moment.
“Somethin’ botherin’ ya?” Big Macintosh inquired, his own hooves stopping in place. As Sage turned his head behind him he saw the other tilt his head to the side ever so slightly.
Sage shook his head, lifting his front hoof and shaking off a select few drips of water that hadn’t soaked him quite yet. “I just hate it when snow starts to melt… everything feels like I’m walking through a cold puddle.”
Big Macintosh lifted his own hoof, examining it for a brief moment before giving off a shrug. “Ah guess Ah’m too used ta workin’ in all kinds of weather.” He murmured to himself.
“You’ve worked all the fur off the ends of your hooves…” Sage spoke, nodding his head towards the stallion’s bare hooves. “At least the water doesn’t get trapped in them for you.”
The steed shrugged again, seeming to only have mild interest in what the other was rambling on about. Sage sighed, flicking his tail in frustration. “Let’s go…” He mumbled.
“Oh um…” Big Macintosh spoke, his voice snapping out of his daze as he began to follow the other, obviously walking much slower than he was accustomed to, his legs being far longer than the unicorn’s. “About… what ya said back there…” The steed paused for a moment, slinging a hoof around to the back of his neck and rubbing, looking away as he thought briefly on the subject. “’Bout all that stuff about me bein’… mean ta Cara… Ah wanna say again that Ah’d never do that, regardless of what ya think of me... A-And if Caramel made it seem like Ah was too strong last night… Ah’m sorry.”
Sage let out a sigh, his horn going as he briefly adjusted his glasses. “Must we go over this again…” He murmured, frowning as he looked down at the snow once more. “Look, Big Macintosh… none of that back there was because you did anything, or because Caramel said anything negative about you…” The unicorn seemed to bite the inside of his cheek, for his words became ever so slightly muffled. “Think of it as… insurance… I planned to invest my warnings before anything got too extreme and it was too late.”
Big Macintosh appeared as if he wanted to say something, for his mouth opened before closing quickly again. The steed chose to ruffle his orange mane once more, breathing out slowly.
“In other words… if Caramel chose to grow attached to any other pony and the result of what you two did last night began to amount to anything…” Sage spoke, turning his head to look at the other dead in the eye. “I would have given that stallion the same warning as you.”
Sage turned his head, expecting the other to make some kind of face of annoyance or even brief anger.
“Yer a good brother.” Said the steed.
The tan unicorn blinked, his brow lifting in confusion as he turned towards the other again, watching him nod with his eyes closed in contentment.
“Really now?” Sage asked, only allowing himself to show mild interest in the other’s understanding. “What makes you say that?”
Big Mac opened his eyes, putting his hoof to his chin as he thought for a brief moment. “Ah guess Ah’ve done the same thing fer Applejack once or twice… mostly when the stallion’s she dates are bigger and gruffer than most usually are.” The steed chuckled with humor.
“Applejack is… your younger sister, correct?” Sage inquired, taking a step to the side to see the other more clearly. “Caramel mentioned her, the morning after he ate dinner with your family… she’s around his age, right?”
“AJ an’ me are only five years apart… so Ah guess that’s right.” The steed quietly spoke, seeming to be in thought.
Sage smiled ever so gently, this time a genuine one. “I guess you understand that over protective feeling you get when you love your family…” His smile quickly turned to a predictable frown. “I feel like I would like you a lot more if you weren’t… involved with Caramel.”
“So yer admittin’ ya don’t like me?” Big Macintosh asked, his blank face once again refusing to betray how he felt about the words he was saying.
“Well… I could ramble on about how I’ve had two conversations with you, or even the fact that I’m just a grump…” Sage chuckled dryly, adjusting his glasses once more before slinging a hoof around his other. “But… no… not much at the moment.”
There was a long silence between the two of them, one which was both a awkward and displeasuring. Sage coughed quietly to clear his throat, breaking the brief silence with his own words once more.
“How much has Caramel told you… about his family?”
Big Macintosh looked puzzled. “Not much aside from ya… Ah just figured ya’ll either were on bad terms or just didn’t like talkin’ ‘bout it, Ah ain’t one ta pry.”
Sage looked down, smiling with no emotion. “Bad terms, huh…?” He sighed as he spoke, biting down on his lip briefly. He looked up at the other and then away in quick succession, glancing in the direction of the rising sun.
The unicorn turned, beginning to finally pick up his pace once more, the steed jumping as he quickly began to follow the other, keeping his mouth shut as he stared at the back of Sage’s head for a good twenty paces. He suddenly paused, looking around him to make sure anypony nearby was out of earshot
“Caramel’s always been… weaker then a lot of stallion’s… heck, even mares… compared to you he’s like a twig.” The stallion murmured quietly, his ears suddenly pressing against his head.
“Eeyup.” Big Macintosh nodded.
Sage was silent for a few moments, seeming to consider weather or not to keep his tongue bit and keep walking or continue. He gently began rubbing his furry leg, feeling the fur ruffle and smooth as he moved his hoof up and down.
“When we were little,” Sage began, his voice quiet with uncertainty as he spoke. “Our mother was…” The stallion paused once more, closing his eyes to collect his thoughts for a few moments. He slowly opened his eyes, turning to face the other. “When me and Caramel were little, our father ran away from us…” He spoke, softly, wary of any passerby’s.
“Ran away?” The steed asked, his tone confused at what exactly that meant.
Sage breathed out slowly. “That’s what I call it… I don’t remember him that well, but I remember him leaving from a really early age… we didn’t have much contact with him after that.”
Sage looked downward, smiling a sad smile as he spoke, “I always disliked that stallion…” He grumbled quietly, shaking his head. “We didn’t see him after that…” The unicorn trailed off, speaking quietly.
Big Macintosh remained silent as he watched the other speak, carefully examining the body language the other was giving off. It looked as if he were still defensive, as if he didn’t want to continue.
“Our mother though…” Sage murmured, pushing his hoof down in the snow, his teeth briefly clenching. “I don’t think she ever wanted a child, much less two… I’m pretty sure she’s the one who pushed for our father to go to the mental hospital in the first place, at least once he became too far gone to take care of us any longer and he was just a big chore.”
Big Macintosh stared into Sage’s blue eyes, they reminded him so much of Caramel in this moment. Before they seemed to be cold and bitter, but in this moment they seemed to be defenseless. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it before a single second had passed, not wanting to interrupt the other.
“She was a vile mare…” Sage spat out, the muscles in his arms tightening. “I don’t remember her ever being what I would call a good mother.” Sage paused briefly, pushing back his bangs as he avoiding the other’s gaze. “I remember her yelling a lot… about small things mostly, missing a spot when we were washing dishes, not being able to fall asleep fast enough…”
Sage grinded his teeth for a second time, trying to control his anger as he looked towards the steed before him. He was still listening blindly, not interrupting as the unicorn spoke. He looked as his upper leg, pulling on it as he frowned.
“She used to call us worthless...” Sage trailed off, pushing air forcefully from his lungs as he closed his eyes. “It didn’t get to me that much… but it really effected Caramel’s self esteem… I think that’s part of the reason it took him so long to find his special talent.”
Big Macintosh slowly dug his hoof into the ground at those words, still refusing to betray emotion on his face. “Worthless… huh?” He murmured through his accent.
“Yeah,” Sage growled, “Caramel got it worse than me once she realized I could just brush it off…” The stallion tightened his grip on his leg. “I couldn’t be there to protect him every moment… he was too sick to go to school half the year, even when he forced himself…”
The unicorn looked up towards the sky. “She used to pull our hair a lot… I eventually got strong enough to fight back against that, but Caramel usually needed my help to stop her when she got really angry… But when she did it to me, she used to just throw me on the ground… I’m assuming she did the same for him.” He looked back down, staring to the side down a random row of houses. “She would never hit us though… I think she thought she would get one of us angry enough to hit her back in defense…”
Sage looked down, making a short line in the snow. “When I got my cutie mark though… all I could think about was getting out of there as fast as possible…” He laughed, closing his eyes tightly. “It was something that proved to me I wasn’t worthless, nothing she said could have been true if I could get a cutie mark, even less if I could become a doctor.”
“What about Caramel?” Big Macintosh stated, not asking but demanding to know about the unicorn’s brother.
“Well,” Sage mumbled. “Before I got my cutie mark, him and I were always together… the other kids at school used to say we could read each other’s minds. He knew when I was upset and I knew when he was hiding something.”
“Why are ya tellin’ me all of this?” Big Macintosh murmured under his breath. “If Cara wanted me ta know ‘bout that he would ‘ave told me…”
Sage shot a glare in the red earth pony’s direction, holding that gaze for a brief moment. “Caramel wouldn’t admit any of this happened if you asked, he wants to move on… but I can’t, not with somepony twice his size and three times his power so close to him all the time…” He growled. “I can’t forget the way he was back then, and I don’t want him to go back…”
Big Macintosh let out a frustrated sigh, keeping his mouth shut as he kept eye contact until the other pulled his own away, looking down at his hooves.
“I… I let my guard down when I got my cutie mark…” Sage hissed, hitting his hoof down against the ground ever so gently. “I studied every day, staying late after school and staying up late every night… it wasn’t all at once but over time me and Caramel grew further and further apart.”
Sage swallowed hard, closing his eyes again. “I was selfish, I just wanted to leave that place so badly… I wanted to prove to her I wasn’t worthless…” He took a shaky breath. “A-After five years of taking stupid notes and getting perfect scores on every test I took, m-me and Caramel hardly spoke outside of home…”
Sage trembled slightly, keeping his breath held as he grumbled to himself words that were inaudible to Big Macintosh.
“We shared a room, we could practically read each other’s minds… but I still let him slip away from me.” Sage quietly spoke. “I… I let him think his existence was meaningless because I wasn’t there for him.”
Sage looked up at the other, glaring once more, his eyes looking misty. “D-Do you know how he f-felt when he told me… h-how he felt about stallions?” Sage asked, taking a step towards Big Macintosh, the steed himself briefly considering stepping back. “H-He was terrified and alone and ready to cry…” Sage bit his lip roughly, looking down once more so the other wouldn’t see his weakness. “A-And I couldn’t help him before that, I was so shocked by it… I ended up yelling at him…”
Sage took another shaky breath. “I yelled at him because I was confused and didn’t understand what any of it meant… I sounded like our mother, I know I did.” Sage shook his head back and forth, trying to clear his thoughts. “He apologized a lot… I remember that...” Sage whispered, trying to regain control over his emotions.
“Sage… Ah don’t know what…” Big Macintosh trailed off, finding no way to finish that sentence correctly. He sighed loudly, finding his hooves had dug themselves forcibly deep into the snow.
“I… I don’t want him to feel like that again…” Sage interrupted, looking up and into the other’s eyes. “I don’t want him alone and feeling worthless, I-I’ve spent the past four years just trying to fix what I screwed up on, I got him out of that place as fast as I could and now I’m supporting the both of us… I… I don’t want him to be afraid to tell me things like that anymore… I don’t want him to think I’ll yell or get angry just because it’s something different...” Sage kicked the slushy snow soaking his hoof.
“That’s why you needed to be alone for me to warn you… I don’t want him mixed up in any of this.” Sage stated, huffing out his air.
Big Macintosh nodded his head slowly. “Ah understand…” He spoke, looking down at Sage once more, the face the other was showing to hide his fears. “Ah’d tell ya Caramel is my best friend and that Ah’d never hurt him… but ya know that.” The steed sighed, turning away from the pained look the other was trying to hard to hide.
“R-Right…” Sage shakily spoke. “I’m just warning you in advance…”
“Ya already said that…” Big Macintosh mumbled quietly. “Earlier in fact, and Ah don’t need ta hear it again.”
“O-Oh yeah… right.” Sage turned from the other, flicking his tail once more. He appeared to be rather ruffled after that conversation, still trying to catch his breath. He frowned, touching his hoof to his chest briefly.
“I want to trust you…” Sage spoke, glancing behind him. “But I also need you to know what you’re getting into, not just with Caramel, but with me.” He looked downward. “Too Caramel… you aren’t a crush who he can’t have like the ones in the past…”
“Ah…” Big Macintosh shut his mouth, grumbling to himself as the words he wanted to say wouldn’t escape from his throat.
“You’re… Caramel’s escape from being worthless, whether he knows it or not.”
Big Macintosh looked up at Sage, the stallion stretching his legs as well as his neck. He seemed to no longer want to dwell on the past, at least not after spilling his fears.
“Thank you…” Big Macintosh spoke softly, closing his eyes. “For at least giving me a chance.”
Sage remained silent at those words, lowering his head briefly to regain himself.
“Let’s keep walking… Caramel should have his prescription by now.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Caramel avoided Applejack’s gaze as he began to desperately look downward, digging one of his hooves into the cemented stone under him. He didn’t realize it at first, but he was indeed holding his breath. It didn’t take Celestia to know that memory was painful for him.
“So uh… what’s his name…?” Applejack murmured quietly, shaking her head. She looked up, her eyes lighting briefly as she continued speaking. “Sage... Sage and ya are on good terms again?”
Caramel let out his breath quickly, blushing gently as he took several long moments to put together his thoughts. He nodded quickly during this process, breathing in slowly.
“Sage apologized for it a lot after we made up…” Caramel spoke softly, rubbing his cheek gently as he continued to grip on his bag. “It took a few days of him avoiding me and then me avoiding him to get to that point though…”
“What made ya tell him in the first place?” Applejack questioned, scooting a single inch closer to the other. “Couldn’t ya just… Ah don’t know, keep it a secret?”
Caramel shook his head, breathing out heavily. “It isn’t like that when you have a secret like that…” The stallion murmured. “If you can’t tell anypony… you feel miserable… If you have a crush or get asked on a date… you get way too scared to act on any of those things…”
“What about yer folks… how’d they take it?” Applejack asked, almost nervous to ask the question itself.
“They… they never knew…”
The small stallion glanced towards the other as he spoke; she was looking away, down at her hooves. The stallion hunched over, using his saddle bags as a pillow, his medicine rattling in their bottles. “Big Mac is…” The other trailed off, pressing his muzzle to his bag, smelling his medicine along with wax crayon scents leaking through. “He’s the first time I’ve ever felt… normal.”
“Normal?” Applejack questioned, a puzzled expression on her face as she turned towards Caramel. “What makes ya say that?”
Caramel blushed gently as he continued looking at the other. “I don’t get worked up about little things any more…” He chuckled, pushing back his bangs with his free hoof. “It doesn’t build up and up throughout the day anymore…”
Applejack remained silent for a few moments, sighing audibly as she shook her head. “Ah ain’t got a clue what ta do…” She admitted, looking downward. “Ah… Ah don’t feel any better ‘bout this coltcuddlin’ thing… If Ah try and make up with him now… Ah might just push him away further…” She spoke, beginning to gently stroke her blond mane with her hooves.
Caramel shrugged slowly, his voice unsure as he spoke, “Big Mac is a lot different than me… he’s… stronger.” Caramel whispered, his lips stretching into a frown. “He always knows what to say…”
“He’s always been way too kind fer his own good.” Applejack laughed quietly, smiling gently. “He’d deny this if he was here, but he’s nothin’ but a big baby sometimes… He has this doll that he got from a friend of mine, Ah don’t think he ever sleeps without it since then.”
“I think he told me…” Caramel smiled again. “H-He is a lot different than what he comes off as… But I… like tha-“ Caramel ceased his words, blushing as he looked down. “S-Sorry… you don’t want to hear any of that…”
Applejack briefly pressed her ears to her mane before flicking them back up. “Sorry… Ah’m probably doin’ that whole bottlin’ up fer ya right now…” She huffed out a breath of air, her lungs providing a breath of smoke.
Caramel shrugged, however it was reluctant. “I… I guess…”
The mare took a deep breath, leaning backward and staring up at the sky, using her hoof to block out the sun. “Granny’s gonna have a fit when he comes home…” She mumbled quietly to herself before looking over at Caramel. “If you… come over again she’ll have a third one.”
The tan stallion nodded. “I expected that… a lot of ponies think like that… I’m a little surprised Mac didn’t…” Caramel murmured. “I’m still a little shocked about… last night.”
“Mac ain’t one ta judge for anythin’,” The orange mare spoke, the sounds of the fountain mixing the water behind her as she glanced towards its direction. “Even if it’s… like this.”
Caramel looked away once more, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry…” He mumbled. “You and your Granny wouldn’t be so angry with him if… If I didn’t ask to see him back then…”
Applejack sighed, glancing away as she began fiddling with her hooves, not able to argue against the other, for deep down she still wasn’t able to forgive him just yet.
“Ah think that ya should go home… Mac’s probably been waitin’ fer ya.” Said the mare, stroking her mane once more as she began pulling on its messy ends. “M-Maybe ya can talk on what yer gonna do…”
“R-Really?” Caramel asked, his eyes lighting up a brief moment before he forced them to die down.
“Y-Yeah… really…” Applejack nodded, biting her lip for a single second. “Ah ain’t ready ta talk ta him again… neither is Granny…” The mare tightened her grip on her mane briefly. “M-Maybe you two should just talk for a while too… you’ve both been yelled at by me, it’s the least Ah can allow…”
Caramel felt slightly uncomfortable at the way the other said “Allow” As if he needed her permission to see Big Mac this one time out of the dozen before. However he simply nodded his head.
“Your… brother is home today, right?” She questioned.
“He works night shift… but all day today he should be home.” Caramel answered, realizing that she was still uneasy leaving the two of them alone.
“Alright.” Applejack stated, confirming her thoughts with a nod. “Why don’t ya two just get things sorted out, Mac can come home later after Ah get a chance ta calm down Granny… Maybe then we can talk about what we can do here…”
“That’s… fine.” Caramel spoke uneasily. “B-But… I don’t think Mac would want ya too…” He trailed off, realizing the other was no longer fully listening to him.
Applejack hopped off of the fountain side, seeming a little relieved now that she had a set plan. She looked the other in the eye, her usual fire of passion back in her eyes.
Caramel sighed, sliding off of the fountain side himself, taking a moment to stretch his legs as he placed his saddle bag back on his back. He chose not to look at the other, for he still felt uneasy after her near interrogation.
“Ya should get goin’” Applejack spoke, her tone seeming to force the encouragement for her brother to meet with the earth pony once more. “Ya sure you two won’t be alone at yer place, right?”
“Yeah…” The tan stallion said, jumping slightly to adjust his bag. “We just planned to talk… I don’t think he’s really sure what we want to happen anyway…”
“Alrighty then.” Applejack spoke as she began to turn away. “Ah guess Ah’ll see ya later.” She began to walk slowly. “Oh, and m-make sure he’s home before yer brother leaves…”
“O-Okay…” Caramel spoke, feeling as if he were a young foal being ordered around by a bossy adult. He slung his hoof around his knee as he sighed, looking away as she trotted off quickly.
Caramel wondered briefly just how Big Macintosh was going to say when they finally spoke. He looked down at the slushy snow, shivering as the water soaked his hoof.
His chest tightened as he bit down on his teeth, closing his eyes briefly. He thought back to Big Macintosh’s kiss, how warm it made him feel despite the freezing temperatures. It was a nice thought to think back too…
He opened his eyes once more, realizing it was pointless to avoid it any longer. As much as he wanted a nice conversation with a happy outcome he began to question how possible that was at this point.
The tan stallion took a step in the direction of his house, trying his best to cling his mind to the way Big Mac smiled at him after the kiss, how happy he seemed just for the lack of rejection on his friend's part.
Caramel let a small smile creep on his face, beginning to feel hopeful for that happy ending he had been imagining for so long.