//------------------------------// // Chapter 11-Everything Went Better Than Expected.jpg // Story: Not On Earth Anymore // by Jack Jester //------------------------------// So there I was in front of the two most powerful ponies in the world. What does one do in a situation like this? I felt so many emotions running inside me! I just wanted to tell them one thing! It burned in my throat I was so excited! “So, we’ve heard much about—“ Celestia began “Your world stinks.” I said flatly. “I…I’m sorry?” She stammered. Princess Luna muffled a laugh with her hoof. “Your world stinks. Everything hates me, everything wants to eat me, theres no fast food, no internet, no TV, no soft beds, no air conditioning, no cars, no rock, no nothing! And would it kill anyone to make a hamburger!? I mean really! What are you, VEGETARIANS?!” I shouted. She glared at me with more hate than any being I had ever known. Horses were vegetarians. “I’ll have you know—“ She started again “Wait I take it back! The food is OK and I’m perfectly fine sweating half to death! I don’t even need a car! Walking is good!” My arms protected my face by instinct as my legs lifted off the floor. “Twilight Sparkle!” Celestia boomed. “Yes Princess?” Twilight’s bravery shrunk three sizes that day. “You told me in your letters this…ape was respectful! What is the meaning of this?” “Well um…you see…he must have…um…been scared so…” She trotted back slowly. It was apparent the Princess was being more ruthless than usual. “Sister, mayhaps thou shouldst calm down some before speaking again. The ape seems to have shaken thine jimmies.” I watched in horror at the scene around me. The two most powerfully racist ponies in the entire world, a shaking excuse of what used to be a proud purple wonder, and I was in a chair almost enjoying it all. Something about the chaos felt humorous, like watching somebody try to bike off a ramp and falling on their face. The guard saw me giggling. “You. Does this amuse you?” He demanded. “Actually, yeah. A little.” Then CELESTIA over heard the conversation while arguing with her sister. “Oh, so other’s anger amuses you?” “Well not usually this much. Where I’m from, talking horses with girly wings and horns don’t usually yell at each other.” “Shut thine pie orfiace!” “My hoosie-whats-it?” “Jadec maybe you shouldn’t be so brash.” Twilight whispered to me. “Twilight, don’t help the ape! I want to see what it really thinks.” Celestia bellowed again. It. It. It. “Excuse me?” I asked her. “IT is a person and would like it for you to refer to HIM as one.” Monkey I could deal with. Ape, alright. I could take the yelling and the insults, that wasn’t much of a change. Twilight being scared was kind of funny. This however…IT? Oh no, not in front of me. “So it does have emotions.” She sighed at me. “I’m going to have to ask you to stop that.” “Really now? Why would it want that?” I rose out of my chair. “I’m serious.” I told her. “It. It it it. IIIIIT.” She clapped her hooves together and smiled at me with the same fake smile you give your aunt when she gives you socks for Christmas. “Say it one more god dang time and so help me.” “Jadec…” Twilight warned. Celestia looked over to her. “Twilight, I told you not to help it.” Where I come from, we don’t call people “it”. Where I come from, we don’t talk to our friends like that. Where I come from, the bosses aren’t this rude to their people. She basically broke every rule in my book. “STOP!” “HAULT” “CEASE!” The guards yelled as I ran for Celestia. “SELF PRESERVATION IS FOR SISSIESSSSSS!!” Her horn glowed and shot a magical bolt at me. And so my world went black. --- “Whats it doing”? Celestia asked. Jadec was writing on the floor again. Oh, why did things have to turn so far south like this! I thought letting him meet the Princesses would help him adjust to Equestria! Looks like all I did was ruin his life. “He kind of…gets like this. Whenever you use magic on him he loses control of himself.” I explained. “Oh dear.” Celestia frowned. “Sister, maybe you played your part a mite too well.” Luna put her hoof up to Celestia’s shoulder. “Played your part? Whats going on?” I asked. “Well Twilight” Celestia stepped down and walked to Jadec’s limp body. “I only wanted to see what Jadec was like under pressure. Luna and I decided to try and put him in a stressful situation and see. I didn’t have to do that with you since I found that out the day you earned your cutie mark.” I smiled. I KNEW Princess Celestia would never act this way. I never had ANY doubts. Yep, I was right all along. “Well in that case, just tell him to get up.” I told her. “Twilight, did thou not sayist that the human will be unconscious?” Luna looked confused. “Trust me.” Celestia looked to Jadec. She seemed hesitant at first. “G-get up…. Get up.” She regained her regal stature. There was a moment of nothingness. Then without fail, Jadec’s hand moved. He pushed himself up off the ground and stood there. His eyes were milky white with a light touch of grey, barely enough to make his irises stick out from the rest. The room was silent. “Twilight, is this supposed to happen?” Celestia asked me. “Yes and no. I’m not sure if its SUPPOSED to happen, but its usual for him.” “So what does he do?” “Anything you say.” Celestia looked perplexed for a minute. “Twilight, why did your letters leave this out?” “Well you see,” I scratched my hoof on the floor “I didn’t really want to tell you much beyond the basics. I wanted him to have some sense of privacy so he could settle in.” Celestia and I talked about his, erm, condition. While we were busy, Luna was poking and prodding Jadec as he stood. “Ugh…” The grey in his eyes grey darker slowly. Luna jumped back. --- I blinked. My world was back again. I looked around me to Princess Luna who had popped my personal space bubble by a few miles then to the guards holding spears. They stood like statues just like when I had walked in. You’d think they would be more alert considering I lunged for the most important tramp in the land. Speaking of which, why was everyone suddenly in different places? “What did you do?” I asked sternly. Celestia walked calmly to me. She met my gaze and pierced my very soul. “I’m sorry.” … What? “What?” What? “I said I’m sorry. The way I acted before was unacceptable. I was wrong and take back everything I said.” Her eyes were watery. Not tears or anything, just a little more human than previously. “Yeah well…you’re still dumb.” I shoved her aside and walked out of the room. Something inside me felt a little violated. Something inside me told me I needed to get out and away from her. Something also told me though that I should feel bad for being so rude. Was it my humanity? Nah, couldn’t be. The winding hallways came to a end. I shoved the door to the outside world out of my way as well and ran to the balcony. The sky was less hostile than when we arrived and the cool air was soothing. A thought ran through my mind. During Celestia’s hounding of me, it was bright sun. Then suddenly it was darker out. After a minute or two of thinking, I realized what had happened. “I hate magic.” I said as I looked into the distance, ignoring the tall buildings and bustling streets below.