//------------------------------// // Sweet Snot of Mine // Story: Sneezing Luna Doting Tia // by Wasabi-beans //------------------------------// "Princess Celestia... you can't mean...! But they're so unstoppable!" "If confronting them head on will better ensure your safety and my sister's, then so be it. Please, Spoken, take-" A rumbling of rocks from deeper in the cave, which bolted Celestia straight up. "Wh-wh-what was that...!?" shivered Spoken. Celestia's secretly pounding heart raced even further. What could possibly be in this cave!? I could've sworn there wasn't any Windigos that came past me, she thought. Celestia saw some rocks deeper within the cave had fallen loose and she slowly approached it. And as she did, she heard the hushed arguing. "Keep still! I heard she tracks her prey by movement!" "That's a dragon's legend, brother! Has that crazy Luna fried your brains!?" "Oh look who's talking fried, brother of mine!? The moment you saw her you screamed...! "Hey, when she swoops in with lightning bolts ablaze, she looked like something right out of Tar-" "Boys," Celestia curtly greeted the Flim Flam Brothers who were still hiding behind the rocks. They looked up. And they gulped. "... Hey Princess Tia...?" Flim and Flam greeted, if quite uncertainly. "We were just... you know!" began Flim nervously. "Taking a little and totally legal walk to the Crystal Empire!" began Flam nervously. "I heard it's a great place to rehabilitate naughty, naughty stallions like us!" "Too bad about Princess Luna there, however-" "Flam! Don't talk about Her Majesty like that!" "What!? I'm offering my sympathies, brother! Even after she mercilessly-" "That's quite enough from you two," she ordered, "Now tell me what happened. Do you two have anything to do with the Windigos?" "What!? Oh no, no, Princess!" Flim quickly denied, "We were just taking a really extended winter hike along the borders-" "Then we saw Princess Luna, and wouldn't you know it, we ran-" "Not because she was frightening or anything, but because she wanted us to-" "Exercise! Yes! She chased us with lightning bolts and all to get us galloping as punishment for being naughty, naughty ponies!" "And then out of the blue, from beyond these mountains, came that living blizzard thing!" "It was nothing like we've ever seen Princess, they came from the mountains!" "And the snow started falling even harder if that could be believed! And when we saw her expression-" 'Well, let's just say that when you've seen Luna herself scared, you best high-tail out of there!" "And then we took cover in this very cave!" "Yes, indeed, this very cave, Your Sunliness! That's all we know! Honestly, we wouldn't dare harm your sister, who's lying there, with eyes twitching, with one eye opening, now two eyes have opened, now staring most foully at us...!" "RUN BROTHER RUN!!" And before the could gallop futilely deeper into the cave (with a clearly visible dead end), a blue aura wrapped around Flim and Flam's throats once again. Luna bolted upright so fast, she didn't noticed a terrified Spoken holding on for dear life. "I...FINALLY... CAUGHT... YOU... TWO...!!", panted Luna in a noticeably crazed daze. "Luna! Stand down, lie down and let them go!" ordered Celestia. Luna still wobbled but her stubborn face remained, and her weak voice shouted, "You do not tell me what to do, cake-eater! These two scoundrels have eluded me long enough and I will bring them to Equestrian Justice!" And she turned away to the cave's exit, only to stare in surprise at what was beyond Celestia's shield. The Windigos' howling winds howled actually trembled the ground they were standing on now. "So The Frozen Herd wants me again, then?" Luna rumbled. Her pace was slow, but she fearlessly walked towards the shield. Celestia leaped to block her path, "Enough, sister! You are in no shape to fight the Herd!!" "Begone, Celestia! Not when- wait, where is Spoken?" she looked around the cave, her eyes for the first time betraying a panicked pony. "What happened to my precious subject, Celestia!?" demanded Luna in desperation and in exhaustion, "Where is my dear Spoken Softly!??" "I'm right here, Princess...", spoken softly did Spoken Softly. And that was when Luna finally realized that in all her time since she regained her conscience, and for the matter standing up, that Spoken had tightly wrapped his thick legs around Luna's curvy, yet very strong body. She was carrying his entire weight and never realized it. She looked down at him in surprise. His face was a glowing bright red, almost as much as her nose glowed, their illumination assisting Celestia in brightening up the cave. "Awkward..." whispered Flim to Flam, even when their throats were in an uncomfortable grip from Luna's magic. But without missing a beat, she raised an eyebrow, "Spoken Softly, pray tell, as to why you are in an inappropriate proximity to Your Princess?" "Umm... y-y-you were cold, and you needed warming up?" Luna considered this, "Hmm, it is true that the vile Frozen Herd has chilled my bones so, therefore I thank you, and therefore, release your grip this instant, Spoken Softly," "...no..." he squeaked shyly, tucking his face under his pink mane. "This is not a matter of negotiations, Spoken Softly!" she said angrily, and shook her body in an attempt to loosen him, but it didn't work. "If I release my hold, that'll mean you'll fly out to your doom in a heartbeat!" answered Spoken desperately, "And I know you won't let me get in harm's way! Well, unless it's regulated harm's way, at least," "So you are imprisoning me here with your own body!? When we get out of this mess, you will be cleaning the entire palace for- achoo! Achoo!" Spoken stuck a hankie-covered hoof out to wipe her nose for the nth time. "Thank you, *sniff*, Spoken Softly," sniffled Luna, Now release me," Spoken withdrew his hoof back quickly and hugged with all four legs once again, "No!" And then Celestia approached Luna, much to her chagrin. "Luna, this farce has gone on for far too long!" scolded Celestia, "You need to stay here and rest!" "I may have a runny *sniff* nose, Celestia, but I'm not defeated just yet!" retorted Luna. "Yes you are defeated, sister! How can you get out there and fight when you look just like Roald-dolph the Red-nosed Rain-deer!" snapped Celestia. "WHAT!?" said Luna, embarrassed and shocked, "I do not look like that silly little Rain-deer from that children's storybook! *SNIFF*" "As far as I'm concerned, you're certainly acting much more foolishly than that Rain-deer!" "Ha! Says the over-sized goose who tried to feed me that swill of a soup!" Luna snapped, her eyes glared at the taller pony, who glared right back. "It is to heal you, you ungrateful little-" And the two began to argue again. And Spoken could barely get a word in, "Oh no! Oh, please Princesses, don't fight, please don't-" And Spoken's mid-air pleadings fell on deaf ears. Meanwhile, Flim and Flam were having their own conversation. "A fine conundrum we're in, brother: two princesses arguing and a monster blizzard outside ready to wipe us all out, and a magical necklace that's been on us one too many times!" stated Flim, "How are going to get out of this one??" "How can we get out of this one, brother!?" cried Flam, "Let's face it: we're doomed, with a capital D!" "Aargh!! It's this kind of namby-pamby attitude that got us caught in the Sisterhooves Social in the first place!" "Oh you just had to bring up that idiotic plan of yours! That wasn't my fault you know, that dress you picked out for me was too tight!" "You wanted me to get you skin-tight, so I got you skin-tight!" "Skin-tight does not mean an easily torn dress upon the first gallop! Did you realize how shameful I looked, brother, with a ripped dress and without my precious-" "If you say mustache one more time brother, so help me, I will shave it off once again!" And the brothers continued arguing, much to Spoken's horror, "Flim! Flam! Please don't argue! You're brothers! You're not supposed to argue...!" But of course, his pleads once again fell on deaf ears, as the pair of siblings argued and bickered noisily, without aim and direction. "STUBBORN MULE!" yelled Celestia. "LEGS! *SNIFF* THOU ART NOTHING BUT LEGS!" yelled Luna. "PRETTY PONY PRINCESS!" yelled Flim. "YOU'RE THE PRETTY PONY PRINCESS!" yelled Flam. Spoken was at a loss of words as he hung on desperately, having no aim or direction to solve this predicament. No clue as to what to do. Then he noticed something close to Flim and Flam, something on the cave walls, in fact, a small little scribbling covered in dust. It looked completely inconspicuous, which was why Flim and Flam paid it no heed. "I-I-It can't... be..." he murmured, actually letting go of Luna, and walking towards said wall. Luna and Celestia did not notice, and continued bickering as if nothing had changed. He was right beside it, and it was covered in ancient dust and cobwebs, even as Flim and Flam ignored him and continued arguing. The winter outside also raged louder than ever before. Spoken carefully wiped it with his hoof, and there it was, carved onto the cave walls itself: Private Pansy. He wiped the cobwebs around it as well, and in its fully revealed glory: Friends forever, Smart Cookie, Private Pansy and Clover the Clever Spoken quickly wiped the rest of the wall off, and marveled at his discovery. A little tear flowed from his eye, and he began to sing from the walls, a strong, warm voice filled the cave, and blanketed all the other noises. ♪♪"The fire of friendship lives in our hearts As long as it burns we cannot drift apart Though quarrels arise, their numbers are few..."♪♪ It wasn't an instant process. "-CAN'T EVEN..." and Flim stopped himself, and so did Flam, now finally looking at Spoken. His deep and gentle singing made them feel comforted and relaxed. They looked up and gasped at his discovery. "-TYRANT!" and then Luna sneezed, "Achoo! Thank you Spoke-" And she realized Spoken was not there to wipe her snot-covered nose. "Sister, look..." pointed Celestia at Spoken. And they both did, and were in shock as well. ♪♪"Laughter and singing will see us through, will see us through We are a circle of pony friends A circle of friends we'll be to the very end,"♪♪ The pair of siblings slowly made their way and marveled at the writings that Spoken had revealed: lyrics. The famed and cherished songs of Hearths' Warming Eve carved in stone, signed by the three ponies that vanquished the Windigos all those years ago. Luna's frazzled mind was taken to a different place, "Chancellor Smart Cookie, Clover the Clever..." "And Private Pansy, or rather, Captain Pansy, when we knew him," said Celestia nostalgically, "So the three didn't make up the stories after all. They actually did create all those songs, right here in this cave. How did you come about it when none of us did?" "I... I performed as Private Pansy very often in my school days," whispered Spoken with a blush, "So I knew what his signature looked like," "But why did you started singing, Spoken Softly?" inquired Luna. Spoken looked at Celestia, almost confused, "I'm not sure, Princess. It just felt like the right thing to do, since everyone was arguing..." "Indeed. We are in hallowed grounds," stated Luna, her head held in shame, "The very birthplace of Equestria itself," Celestia's ears drooped sadly, "And we have shamed it with our terrible words..." "Our mentors would have been surely disappointed," Flim, Flam and Spoken were a little alarmed by the now crestfallen sisters. "It's not too late, you know," said Spoken, "I mean, to... err, un-dissapoint them?" Unbeknownst to the five ponies, the Windigos have been swirling the mountains to encompass it with their magical frost. Slowly, but surely, it began to seep through Celestia's shield. "How so, Spoken?" asked Celestia. The frost crept quietly, but came closer. "Well, I think Smart Cookie, Clover the Clever and Private Pansy, would've liked it if you two, you know, hugged and forgave each other?" Celestia and Luna stared at Spoken, then at each other, and then looked quickly away in embarrassment. "I... I suppose I have been quite harsh with my words..." began Luna, without looking at Celestia. "...and I... I guess I have been wearing nostalgia goggles..." said Celestia, "Ever since I saw you with that little bright nose," "...Celestia, what in blazes are nostalgia goggles...?" asked Luna disapprovingly, "You were not wearing any goggles of the sort," Everypony was too caught up with Luna and Celestia that nopony noticed the frost inching and surrounding the cave. "No Luna, it's when a pony views something with a lot of nostalgia and..." Celestia rubbed her leg shyly, "I was blinded by the past, seeing you looking so vulnerable, I just couldn't help myself but be protective of you," "...I suppose my over-dedication to my duties did not help either, did it, Celestia?" asked Luna. Celestia giggled quietly, "A little," "It's just... I know I am ill, I know this!" Luna stamped the ground in frustration, "But guilt runs in my very spirit, Tia. I am guilty for what I was, and I must atone for it," Without warning, Celestia once again embraced Luna in hoof and wing. "Don't ever speak that way of yourself, sister, I beg of you!!" cried Celestia, her tears flowed immediately, and she sobbed and sobbed, "Waaaaaaaaaahhh...!!" "Celestia, Celestia, why are you crying?" she asked in shock, her own tears started to flow. "I am haunted, my darling Luna! Haunted by the thought of you overdoing something, being guilty over something, and losing you all over again! You have lighted the world of Equestria with your magical Night, my sister! Ever since you came back! You have done enough, my sweet sister!" "Celestia...?" "Yes, sister?" "I believe you are wearing those 'nostalgia goggles' again," she whispered mischievously. Celestia's sobs were instantly replaced with a cough and laugh, "After a thousand years of not hearing your blunt tongue, Luna, they have become quite thick," Luna nuzzled deeper into Celestia's warmth, "I apologize," "Apologize, for what? You did nothing wrong," "Celestia, do not be silly. I tried to worked through my foolish cold like a foalish fool," "Then... I'm sorry for wrapping you up in my tiny Lunar-rito," "I apologize for ostracizing myself from you," "I'm sorry I interrupted your dream-walking with that handsome stallion," "I apologize for calling you 'legs'," "I'm sorry I sashayed around my babysitting baby-sitter's kit," "*SNIFF*I apologize for yelling at you during Court," "I'm sorry for shoving a sippy cup on you during Court," "I do not think I can forgive you for that one," Celestia started to cry again, "Waaaaaaahhh...!" "Okay! Okay! I forgive you!" said Luna quickly, "Yeesh, sister! Sometimes, I think I am the elder sibling!" "Waaaaaaahhh...!" "What now, sister!?" "You called me sister again!" cried Celestia through her tears, and began to snuggle her little sister. Luna leaned back onto her, sniffling heavily and gaining back some heat, "I will always be your sister, Tia, no matter what," Celestia looked at Luna lovingly, "Likewise, my little sister, likewise," They closed their eyes, and hugged, tenderly and willingly. Spoken wiped a tear from his eye; His Princess and Princess Celestia were finally at peace with one another. A warm, pink glow emanated from them. The Windgos felt this, and changed their tactic from slowly freezing the cave to directly ramming onto the shield as hard as they could. They brought the entire blizzard down upon the shield, and it spread the frost even quicker; the shield began to crack. Spoken turned to the brothers; the both of them stared at the Princesses with teary eyes, caught completely up with the emotions of how loving the sisters were to each other. "Err, Flim and Flam?" signaled Spoken. "Huh??" snapped Flim and Flam, both stared at Spoken, then at each other, and turned away blushing and looking sheepish. The magical frost has completely enveloped the cave with only a circle unblemished where the five ponies sat. A plan popped in this mind. "Flam, according to your brother's files for Twilight Court," said Spoken,"It seemed that Flim actually smuggled in some Mustache Multiplying Medicine so you could grow it back quicker, right?" "Err, yes, he did?" answered Flam. "And Flim, in your files, it's reported that your brother protected you when you angered a Griffon, he even sustained serious injuries, right?" "Well, yeah," he said sheepishly, and turned to Flam, "Again, brother, I'm really I tried to flirt with that Griffon girl!" The golden shield began to crack open and a little bit of the blizzard began to whistle in. "I'll take a feather-brained bite for you anyday, brother," Flam said sheepishly. They both smiled at each other. Then they broke down, started weeping, then crying, then embraced each other. "WAAAAAAAHHH!!" went Flim and Flam. "I love you, brother!" cried Flim. And the shield cracked some more. "Let's never fight again, brother!" cried Flam. It began to shake and the WIndigos piled the pressure on. "Okay, brother! I love you so much brother!!" The snow and blizzard howled in. Everything but the five ponies was snow-covered. "Let's love each other in a macho, manly, brotherly way, brother!" The shield finally shattered. "Okay, brother!!" The Frozen Herd flew in. And they both cried like little fillies, "UWAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" And they too were blanketed by a pink aura, and in tandem with the Sisters, glowed brighter and stronger. The Windigos just about reached the nearest ponies, Celestia and Luna, but the Power of (Sibling) Love has been ignited. The pink expanding aura began to balloon in size and it impacted upon the Windigos and caught them by surprise. They pushed and pushed the aura, desperate to get to its power source, but the Power of (Sibling) Love would not let up. And within the aura, Spoken felt all tingly and nice and comfy in it. In spite of Flim and Flam's emotional torrent. He looked at Celestia and Luna, still bathed in peace and harmony, only noticing each other. Spoken sees his Princess, and how happy, how gentle she looked. It was such a rare sight. He knew that he and her, would never be. He closed his eyes to embrace the nice, comfy aura, with a little smile and a little tear for what will always be. As it turned out, though he never felt it, a pink aura came from within him as well: The Power of (Unrequited) Love. The combination of the two Powers, not to mention being in such a confined and concentrated space, completely threw off any chance the Windigos had. The aura shockwave-ed through the cave, blasting the whinnying Windigos out of the cave, as if it were a beam of pink light. The pink aura sent them hurtling far across the horizon beyond Equestria, with no trace of the Frozen Herd left. The ponies cautiously came out of the cave; much of the snow has been cleared, and the cold weather was back to its normal mountain range temperature. Which, to Luna's annoyance, was still frigidly biting, in spite of Spoken's unbecoming bathrobe on her that he insisted he draped over her. "Achoo! Hmph, victory by way of magical emotional energies," commented Luna, "Efficient, *SNIFF* not my preferred method of vanquishing foes, but efficient," "So, we won?" asked Flim. "Yes, indeed, Flim," answered Celestia, "Thanks in part to you and your brother, for embracing the Power of Brotherly Love," Flim and Flam looked at each other in amazement, then at Celestia. "Then, that means..." "We were part of the vanquishing of one of Equestria's greatest foes...?" "Indeed," said Celestia. "WOO!" hollered Flim and Flam, and gave each other a high hoof. "So then Princess!" "Since we have contributed in the most dangerous task of assisting you in defeating the Frozen Herd-" "Is it not fair that we receive some reward-" "Or maybe a pardon, perhaps? Hmm...!?" And they flashed their most sickeningly sweet smile at Luna's sister. Luna 'hurrumph-ed', and magically choked them, and pulled them close to her once again. "Need I remind the two of you..." threatened Luna menacingly, with a sniffle, "That I am in this dreadful state, with Princess Celestia's and Spoken Softly's safety in jeopardy, with inadequate circumstances to combat the WIndigos, with my personal assistant's bathrobe wrapped around me, because of the two you...!?" The two brothers gulped in fear; that Royal Canterlot Snout, so drippy... "BUT! I am not without consideration, for without the two of you, the Windigos may not have been defeated," admitted Luna, much to everyone's surprise. "Therefore, I will see to it that your act of heroism today is taken into account when we review your sentencing," she stated, and released her grip on them. Flim and Flam stared at her in amazement, and out of nowhere, snatched her up and hugged her, jumping up and down in joy. "Oh thank you, thank you, Your Nightliness!" yelled Flim happily. "You do have a heart after all!" yelled Flam happily. "You're our new favorite Princess!" "Flim! Flam! Release me this-" but before Luna could choke them again, the ponies heard a voice from a distance. "Unhand her, criminal scum!" And a white and golden streak came rushing down, and Flim and Flam were knocked away from Luna with such precision that Luna barely felt anything. "...instant?" Turns out the streak was none other than Lieutenant Silver Streak, famed ex-Wonderbolt turned Royal Guard. And she's currently beating up Flim and Flam. "ANGRY TIGER KICK!" and Silver swatted Flim repeatedly with her hooves. "MONKEY-STYLE HOOVES!" and she kept slapping Flam repeatedly with her hooves. "And for my Ultra Combo Finisher: RAGING HORMONAL MARE!!" Silver tossed the two stallions up in the air, jumped up, and scissored their necks with her back legs. Gravity slammed them on the ground, with Silver's legs acting as a guillotine to perform the crushing blow. "FLAWLESS VICTORY!! The perps have been taken out, and taken down, Princesses!" saluted Silver as she continued squeezing the two hapless stallions as a security measure, "Looks like I got here just in time! I hope you're alright Princess Luna, those two had the legendary Double Dragon Vice Grip on you... err, why are you guys looking at me funny like that?" "Ahem, these two actually helped in defeating the Windigos," answered Celestia confidently, "And they were just hugging Luna out of joy," "Ohhh...!" Silver Streak looked at her hoofwork, and promptly relaxed her deathgrip as Flim and Flam's faces were turning blue. "So the real baddies were already beaten?" she asked. "Indeed, Lieutenant Silver Streak," said Luna. "Aww, the Royal Guards never get to save the day!" Silver Streak complained, "What the point of having a cutie mark that says 'KAPOW!!' over an awesome speech bubble if I can't beat the main baddies!? Well, at least I got to beat the two of you, right boys?" She squeezed her legs a smidgen to get a response. They gasped for air and nodded with a whimper. Spoken Softly tapped Luna on her shoulder, "Emm, Princess Luna?" "Yes, Spoken Softly," and she turned to him. Spoken Softly could barely hold back his laughter, "Princess, Hee-hee! It's got two big snot-lines down your nose! Hee-hee!" Luna was not amused, "Wipe my nose, Spoken Softly," "Eep!" went Spoken and began to quickly clean Luna's snout, "And there we go, Prin...cess...?" He was not expecting Luna's hoof to be on his shoulder, and her beautiful face (and red snout) so close to his face he could smell her breath (sure it smelt of vapor rub, but Spoken isn't one to complain). "Spoken Softly, you have been a most loyal Personal Assistant and compatriot," declared Luna gently, "You have become the guiding star in my life..." Celestia, Silver Streak, Flim and Flam couldn't believe their eyes. Was she finally going to...? Now she had both hooves on his shoulders; Spoken's was blushing and not breathing. "There is something I need to say to you," whispered Luna. It couldn't be... is she... IS SHE...!!?, his thoughts all out the window as the two ponies were silhouetted by the evening sun (Celestia set some mood lighting to encourage Luna). Her face was nearly touching his face, and Spoken was still as a stone, and wondering whether it was appropriate to pucker his lips. Suddenly, Luna wrapped her hooves around Spoken's body, flew up in the sky, and did what she does best. Declaring. "SPOKEN SOFTLY!! FOR THINE TIRELESS SERVICE TO YOUR PRINCESS, FINDING THE ORIGINAL CARVINGS OF THE SONGS OF HEARTHS WARMING EVE, AND ASSISTING IN VANQUISHING THE FROZEN HERD, THOU SHALT BE GRANTED A PAY-RAISE AND TWO VOUCHERS DONUT JOE'S DONUT SHOP, HA-HA!! AND THINE VISAGE SHALL FOREVER BE IMMORTALIZED ON THE WINDOWS OF CANTERLOT CAST-" "Sister, I already told you that the windows were meant for the Elements of Harmony," reminded Celestia, "Shining Armour, Cadance and especially Spike were pushing it," "-WILL FOREVER BE IMMORTALIZED WITH A FANCY GOLDEN MEDAL! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE SHALT DUB THEE, SPOKEN SOFTLY: THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT'S BEST FRIEND FOREVER!!!" Luna looked quite pleased with herself, as she held Spoken in her legs like an oversized plushie. Spoken dug his face under his mane, secretly angry with himself. Stupid! Stupid! What was I thinking: to pucker or not to pucker! Oh Spoken, you're such a foal!, he angrily thought. Silver Streak and looked at Celestia and mouthed to her wordlessly, 'really!?' Celestia simply shrugged her shoulders, having seen this happen time and time again. Luna's Friend-Zone has claimed another victim; I'm never going to marry that filly off, thought Celestia. Celestia decided to get back to business, to save Spoken some grace, "Silver Streak, where are the rest of the Royal Guards? I believe we require some transportation back home as we had quite the draining day," "Aww, those slowpokes are still lagging behind!" complained Silver, "They're just not able to bolt through as fast as I- hey Princess, why are you holding your face funny like that?" Celestia's face went all scrunchy... and sneezed, "Ah...! Chee...! Ah...! Chee...!" Silver Streak was impressed, "Wow Princess! Even your sneezes are cute!" "Ah...! Chee...! Oh dear..." whined Celestia, her nose now bright red as well. "HA! Serves you right, big sister!!" laughed a very pleased Luna, "This is what you get for forgoing my personal space! Today is a good day after all!" "Ah...! Chee...! Ha-ha! "Ah...! Chee...! I suppose I- "Ah...! Chee...! Deserve it," said Celestia with her bell-like laugh and filly-like sneeze. Spoken looked up to see a wide, cheesy smile on Luna's face that gave a good-natured laugh. He laughed a little as well. Beating an almightly living blizzard, getting the two sisters back together again, getting two raises on the same day, and having Celestia finally get her comeuppance. Today was a good day after all.