//------------------------------//
// Breakdown 
// Story: A Love For Madness 
// by ShadeJak 
//------------------------------//

	“Alright, I’m just… gonna address an elephant in the room here. You’re… a…” Alice began as I shook the rainwater off my coat under the overhang outside Alice’s door before stepping inside. It felt weird, but kind of good but now my fur and mane looked like a bigger mess then before.

“Pony. I know.” I said, slightly annoyed. “And yes, I flew here; crazy, huh? Well guess what, it’s real you’re not stoned or drunk as far as I can tell. Yesterday it got worse, I got hooves, and my sex had changed. Then later in the day fur was growing all over, and I got wings and the horn started using magic. This morning, I woke up like this.”

“I… see…” Alice said, still clearly unsure what to make of what she saw. “Well, look, you’re a mess and I’m gonna guess you haven’t taken a bath or shower during that time?” She asked.

“Uh… no?” I asked, unsure of where this was going.

“Well, look, I’ll help you get cleaned and dried off and you can tell me about it.” Oh, right… Alice used to do pet bathing and grooming back when she first got out of high school…

“Um, I’m not a cat or dog, Alice.” I explained.

“How different can they be? If you’re so worried I’ll take in the laptop and find out.” She answered. “Just follow me to the bathroom, okay? You’re still dripping a little.”

With no other choice, I followed, looking around at her place and yelping when I saw a shadow by the window that looked skinny and horned, but a second later I saw it to be a tree… mind playing tricks on me, I guess.

Reaching the bathroom, she gestured me into the tub and I climbed in and she read and watched some instructions. “Okay, maybe a little different.” She muttered as she turned on the bathtub faucet and switched it over to the handshower. I couldn’t help but smile and let out a happy sigh I felt the warm water go on me.

“Alright, shampoo…” She took some out of her cabinet and worked it on me, and wrung out my tail before applying any there or on the mane. I looked back at her as she did so, it did feel pretty nice, actually. Next came the brushing, which nearly made me collapse with a grin from the feeling of it going through my coat, tail, and mane.

“Enjoying yourself?” She asked.

“I’ll admit, before meeting… well… you know… and before knowing you were… well… you know… I kinda had fantasies about this in high school.” I said with an amused smirk.

“What, you being an alicorn princess?” She asked with a smirk.

“…” I gave her a look that could have burned through iron.

“I’m kidding, I know what you were talking about.” She said. I guess she just wanted to try and help improve my mood. All that had happened was a lot to take in for me, after all. “You don’t seem that turned on, now, though. Just relieved like you’re at the spa or something.” She said, causing me to raise an eyebrow.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“I mean if you had fantasies about this, you’ve always said if I weren’t a lesbian you’d have considered me, even if we decided we were just good friends, you always thought I was hot.” She said. Alice sure could be blunt sometimes…

“What exactly are you getting at?” I asked, more confused now.

“Now this, and you don’t seem to be… you know… turned on by it. Just kinda noticed. Do you… I dunno, you’re a mare now, maybe you don’t find girls attractive anymore?” She asked.

I paused, not sure how to answer that and admittedly I was surprised. I never at any point in time was feeling sexually active from this bathing experience with Alice’s hands massaging me all over as she worked the shampoo into my coat and now that I think about it I’d have thought I would have been. “Maybe… just distracted by all that’s happened?” I asked.

“Maybe.” She said. She didn’t seem to press it any further, and she changed the subject. “It’s kinda… ironic, I guess. Now that I think of it, in a way you are… or were not so different from Cadance.” She explained.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You… well back then before… well, everything… you always were kind of a romantic, and you were always the guy to go to for helping hook people up. Not to mention the occasional sitting jobs.”

“Hey, I just needed the extra cash when it came to the last one.” I said. It was odd, though, how in some ways me and Cadance had a few similarities. Almost as if… no, that had to be impossible.

“I’ve been having these bad dreams, too.” I said. “Discord.”

“Discord? What’s he doing in your dreams?” Alice asked. I guess seeing Princess Cadance live and in person for want of better words had rendered her more open-minded about all this.

“I don’t know! But I think he’s been… haunting me somehow, too. The entire time! He’s been taunting me, gloating about something and I had a dream where I was in Cadance’s place as he went on a rampage through the Crystal Empire… like it just… I dunno… picked up where the series finale left off!” I explained.

“…You think Discord’s behind this?” Alice asked. “You realize he’s a fictional character, voiced by an actor from Star Trek, hell he’s based on the character the actor used to play!” So much for open-minded.

“You think I don’t know that? I don’t know if he’s somehow torn through reality and caused this, or if it’s all random chance and now I’m crazy!” I protested, hitting my hoof on the bathtub floor and making a small splash.

“…Look… I don’t know how it’s all possible, but I mean, look at me! Cadance is a fictional character, too, isn’t she?” I asked. “Yet here I am in her body!”

Alice thought about it for a moment. “Okay, say I go along with all this… maybe… I dunno, remember when we watched that old animated show of Justice League when you got the DVDs? The one where some of the characters ended up in a Silver Age-looking world that only existed as a comic in the ‘main’ reality?” She asked.

“Yeah.” I answered, how could I forget one of the best episodes?

“Well, remember that explanation? Say what we perceive as fiction exists as reality somewhere else. ESP or whatever it is, maybe the minds we see as more creative who make successful shows or book series are unknowingly responding to visions they get of that reality?” She asked.

“Well then I can say some of those realities suck.” I remarked dryly, causing Alice to laugh a little.

“Sorry, hearing Cadance use that last word is kind of funny.” She said, earning an eyeroll from me. “But my point is, what if Faust and some of the staff had some kind of closer perception of what happened, and that was its means of it being depicted here as a work of fiction, and the story ended so abruptly with cancellation because…”

“…Discord had won for real and left nothing else to tell…” I muttered, the fridge horror setting in. “In the Justice League episode, the comic the characters from there were recognized from was cancelled abruptly because that world was destroyed in a nuclear holocaust… so My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was cancelled because in actuality, after he sent Celestia into Tartarus, Discord had done away with all his opposition… namely the Mane Six… and reduced Equestria and probably the rest of the world around it into ruin…”

“Actually it all sounds kind of scary the way you put it.” Alice said. “But it doesn’t explain why you ended up like this.”

“How should I know? But it doesn’t look like that’s gonna change any time soon.” I muttered, lowering my head. Before I saw it coming, I was suddenly being hosed down by the handshower again. When I was fully rinsed off, she toweled me down, wrung out my tail and mane again, and gave it a quick brushing, then gestured me out of the tub onto the floormats, and soon a hairdryer’s wrath was upon me and I got a whiff of the shampoo she’d used, which I swear smelt of lilac. Once I was dried off, she’d gotten a new brush out and began to work on my mane and tail with a little bit of spray.

“Let’s see if I can pull this off.” She muttered, and I had to admit the brush felt really nice.

“What, you use to have the brushable toys as a kid?” I asked.

“Used to? I have some of the new ones now genius.” Alice answered with a laugh.

“And now you get to try it out on the real deal.” I answered. Not that I was complaining, if I were a cat I’d probably be purring when that brush went through my mane right now. A couple of minutes later, she seemed to be done.

“Well, what do you think?” She asked, getting a mirror out of the cabinet and moving it around so I could see. I turned my head and took a look.

Alice had left no detail unattended. If I had the jewelry on, I’d look every bit like Cadance. My tail and mane had been groomed and styled back to perfection, my coat was nice and clean, the lilac smell still there. I could only stare, speechless like I’d been when I first saw myself upon waking up this way earlier today. On one hoof, I wanted to say the alicorn in the mirror was absolutely stunning now. On the other, it was a little weird knowing that said alicorn was me…

Did I seriously just use a ponyism somewhere in those thoughts?

“I think everypony will be jealous of your grooming skill.” I said with a small smirk, though winced again realizing I definitely used one then. Standing up, I looked back at Alice again. “It’s weird, the dream where I was in Cadance’s place, it felt almost like a memory or something…” I said, putting my hooves on the counter so I could look in the mirror. No way would my wingspan work in here.

“What do you remember of it?” Alice asked.

“A lot of it was like that part I thought you missed from the finale. He was destroying the Crystal Empire, blowing up buildings, causing blasts of soda to erupt out of the ground like geysers…” I shuddered, remembering the screams as ponies were blown high into the air, likely to fall to their deaths soon after. “Shining Armor wasn’t there, he was in Canterlot, I guess Cadance stayed behind to protect the Crystal Empire. She tried to fight him with the power of the Crystal Heart but it didn’t work. Discord then promised he’d make sure a happy ending never enters her mind again, because her power was based on love. Then came this weird poem… five score divided by four, your memories removed your bodies confused, blah blah blah our outlooks bleak something-something he started chanting and I… I mean she… I dunno… we… felt like reality and our body just got ripped apart right before I woke up!” I explained, the sheer terror of that dream still felt fresh in my mind. Alice came over, brushing her hand though my mane. It felt nice, but even that only calmed me slightly.

“You know, I’m starting to wonder if this is the connection!” She offered.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Maybe, this is gonna sound insane, but if all that’s true maybe you are Cadance.”

“Are you joking? How? I can’t be! I have a life, memories, I’m practically my own pon—I mean person! By Tartartus, I was born fifteen years before the show even started airing!” I protested, staring at my reflection and ignoring my latest ponyisms. Something about what she said… almost made sense… no, no, she can’t be right… I’m not some pink, girly pony… not originally anyway.

“Didn’t stop this from happening. I’m still kinda trying to wrap my mind around it, too, you know.” Alice answered. “But if this is all true, the whole Equestria-is-real theory, the finale with Discord was actually something that happened, and your dream is a lingering memory of Cadance’s before he got to her, especially with the stuff you said he chanted, maybe she reincarnated inside you or something.” Alice paused, she must have realized like I did how utterly ridiculous she must have sounded saying all that, but even then…

“I’m NOT Cadance!” I yelled, louder then I meant to, and my voice trembled as some of these connections seemed too possible for my liking. “I know I look like her, but… I… I can’t be… can I? Why me?! Why when I had all this happen to me? Aren’t there some rich, sugary-sweet sorority girls out there who’d be more appropriate?” I asked.

“You’ve always been good with helping people find love, remember? Her special talent was love. And maybe… I dunno… it translated into you being all Mr. Walking E-Harmony for lonely singles?” Alice offered. “And also… if he did this to you… her… well what if there’s others out there? Like he did it to the Mane Six, probably others, too?”

“Well I haven’t seen any indication of it. Besides, who’s gonna post somewhere ‘hey, I got a cutie mark today!’ followed by the next day ‘hey, thought I’d post that now I got a mane, I think I’m becoming a pony!’ and I’m pretty sure nopon—“ I growled “…nobody is gonna post on their wall ‘OMG I turned into insert-my-little-pony-character-name-here! I mean if I just randomly did that, you’d think I was nuts, or trying to make a really bad joke. And even then who’s insane enough to actually enjoy this kind of predicament enough not to realize their life as they know it’s over?” I asked.

“I get you’d not be able to go to work, or do a lot of stuff you used to.” Alice said, my words no doubt sinking in.

“Not be able to go out in public, period.” I said, looking down and walking towards the bathroom door. “If people see me, feds’ll probably come after me so they can lock me up in a lab and dissect me, like in ET or something. I won’t have anything resembling a life outside of hiding…” My legs felt weak and I nearly collapsed, Alice rushed over and put her arms around me. I wonder if this was what Discord meant by my… I mean Cadance’s outlook being bleak… reborn through me, stranded on a world that she’d have to spend the many years an alicorn probably had attached to their lifespan in hiding. It sounded like a fate worse then death.

Without thinking I put my forelegs around Alice to hug her, tears flowing out of my large eyes as she allowed me to let it all out. “First I lose Angela, now I lose myself.” I muttered, voice trembling still.

“Not to be depressing, but I wonder if… maybe your grief from the divorce, or even a tragic marriage, is part of it. You mentioned Discord swearing he’d make sure a happy ending didn’t cross your mind again?” Alice asked. More realization hit me. Cadance had a lot of power when her love was strong, she was no match for Chrysalis or Sombra when she was in grief. If that was somehow true, Discord had pulled it off brilliantly, I was far from in any state of mind to unleash any of Cadance’s real power. Why did I use ponyisms… why was all this making sense despite how ridiculous it was… why did I have such an elaborate dream, and keep being haunted by Discord… why did I adjust to a body I’ve only had for about a day in so short a time…? Was I becoming Cadance in my mind more and more now, too?

“No, no, no, no, no!” Fresh tears came. “I feel so beyond pathetic! …But anyone would when they knew everything in their life was truly gone now!” Alice let go and nudged my chin up with her hand.

“Hey, I’m still here, aren’t I? Cale or Cadance I’m still your friend and I’ll stick by you no matter what, and I’ll try and help you as best I can.” She said with an honest, assuring smile. Her words did manage to soothe me somewhat.

“Look, you’re cleaned up, you’re still alive and healthy... and admittedly extremely adorable... why don’t we just chill on the sofa and enjoy the rest of the night, alright? We can maybe see for certain if there’s any sign of other incidents… this seems too elaborate for a character like Discord to go through so much trouble to do to just one pony.”

I managed a nod, and followed her back to her den. She flopped down on her sofa, opening her laptop. I got up beside her, leaning and slumping on my back, my hind legs hanging over the edge and my forelegs at my sides, much like a certain mint-colored background pony was known across the internet for having done. The moment she looked over at me, she began to laugh.

“What?” I asked with a shrug. “Lyra’s not the only pony now who wouldn’t mind being a little more human.” I answered.

“Whatever you say.” Alice answered, running a search of some sort and bringing up some… interesting pictures of the mane six in… interesting poses.

“I don’t think that’s what we were looking for.” I commented, and for some reason I felt extremely uncomfortable when I saw the ones of Twilight Sparkle. They weren’t any more extreme then the others but somehow they were the ones that left a squick feeling in my chest.

“I know, I’m just… wanting to see something about you.” Alice mused, changing the search and images of Dr. Whooves appeared. I raised an eyebrow, but found nothing special about him. He was a pony who somehow had an uncanny passing resemblance to the Tenth Doctor. “Uhhh… can we get to the point of this soon?” I asked. She changed the search and brought up images of Big Macintosh.

“You find them attractive?” She asked.

“No. And honestly I don’t know why people think every mare in Equestria lusts over him.” I remarked.

“Not mares. Not stallions… unless…” Alice did one more search, and this one ended up getting my attention.

Shining Armor. My heart skipped a beat and I looked at the pictures, and suddenly I felt a longing inside me. One photo in particular in the search held my interest, one of him with his foreleg around Cadance, who was nuzzled up to him. I don’t know how long I was staring at it, but I snapped out of my trance when Alice changed screens and drifted about several My Little Pony boards that had remained active. As I had insisted, nothing.

“Well, I doubt hooves would make typing easy.” Alice suggested. “And you kinda zoned out on those pictures of Shining Armor. You alright?”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine!” I insisted. “Look, we got no results, either nopony… nobody is willing to admit to having the same problem because they know they’re not gonna be taken seriously… or I really am alone…” I said.

“Well, look. You’re staying the night, got it? We can figure out what to do tomorrow, in the meantime we can watch a movie and just try to get your mind off it, alright?” Alice offered. I managed a smile, I couldn’t ask for a better longtime friend. “Ghostbusters, in surround sound?” She asked.

“Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, no job’s too big, and no fee is too big for me to say no to that.” I answered, trying to perk up as she offered the past time other then Warcraft that she, Craig, and I had always partaken in. “You may need to make the popcorn, though. Microwave’s no good with these.” I answered, holding up my hooves.

~

An hour and a half of quoting nearly everything in an old classic that predated us but still held its own decades later, it was time for bed. Alice had prepped up the sofa for herself and said I was free to sleep on the bed, but I’d insisted it the other way around. When she’d gone to sleep, I stared out the window, the storm had not let up and it was creeping into the night owl hours. The apartment was now dark with the window being the only real illumination. A crack of thunder made me jerk my head in the direction of the window, and it was then I noticed the normally rhythmic ticking of the clock Alice inherited from her grandmother that sat on the mantle had ceased. I looked over, confused and trying not to feel afraid, wondering if it just needed to get fixed.

Suddenly a sickening creaking was heard all around, growing louder and louder as I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my ears with my hooves. How could Alice not hear this?! When I opened them, horror came over me.

The whole place had lost its sense of perspective; wall and furniture angles were now completely distorted and uneven like some drunken artist’s painting, and dread came over me as to what, or who was causing it. “No… no… please…” I whispered, cowering on the couch and squeezing my eyes shut again. When I opened them, I found I was back home, on my own couch, and I wasn’t alone.

“Hey, baby.” A friendly, female voice I’d not heard in some time said. I turned and my eyes widened in disbelief.

“Angela?!” I asked. She looked as she did when I’d last seen her, her reddish-brown hair in its shoulder-length style, her blue eyes gazing at me, that sweet smile I fell in love with formed on her lips.

“Oh, Cale, what have you gotten yourself into?” She asked, I looked at myself, realizing I was no longer Cadance and I laughed in relief.

“Oh, crazy story… we… we were separated, and crazier thing, don’t laugh, I became a pony. Like from that old show.” I explained. Angela smirked and shook her head.

“You think the weirdest stuff sometimes, Cale. That’s why I fell in love with you.” She said. “Hey, quick question.” She said.

“Anything, babe.” I said. She slowly traced her hand along my cheek and drew close.

“Will you ever turn this down?” She asked, the thing she always said and did before we’d make out.

“Never.” I said with a smile, and slowly we began to kiss, I don’t know for how long, but how it felt like an eternity since I’d last been with her made me grow more passionate, earning a giggle from her. As my hand moved down her back towards her butt, it brushed against something… I slowly leaned my head on her shoulder and noticed a long, red tail with a tuft of white fur on the end of it…

No… no… it can’t… Then it was gone. I had to have been imagining that, right?

Angela chuckled to herself and abruptly pulled away from me, grinning and utter horror came over me when I saw her right canine was noticably longer then the other. “What’s wrong, baby? Things NOT MAKING SENSE? She asked, her grin becoming far more sinister as an all too familiar voice seemed to speak at the same time as hers on those last three words.

“No… oh god, no!” I pleaded, and suddenly my own body just… faded… and I was Cadance again. My apartment vanished and I was sitting on invisible ground in solid blackness. ‘Angela’ stood over me, laughing and in a flash of light there stood Discord, who puckered his lips a few times mockingly.

“Wow, I’ll admit you’re a great kisser, but a poor judge of character. But I don’t think you need me to tell you that!” The draconequus said with a cruel, hearty laugh.

“Wasn’t what you did enough, Discord? Why follow me and torture me more?!” I demanded.

“Did I now?” Discord asked. “Or maybe, just maybe, little pony, I was never here. Perhaps I’m just a figment of your utterly messed-up mind, brought upon by the shell-shock of suffering too much at one time plus the memory of your precious Crystal Empire falling into ruin!” He continued, causing me to cower away from him.

“Oh! Speaking of!” He snapped his fingers, and a flash of light appeared before him, showing a window of sorts. “Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!” He sneered.

Within was like a twisted, distorted nightmare. The Crystal Empire was a cruel mockery of its former self; buildings turned into random objects, ponies being chased by things that randomly came to life and pursued, only to be blown into the air by geyserlike explosions from the ground, and landing with a sickening crunch that made me cringe. More images of places once familiar in Equestria had also suffered Discord’s wrath.

“Now watch this one. Right here…” Discord said, pointing with his claw at a pair, a filly and colt that were hiding from what I could best describe as a giant abstract drawing with teeth. “They think they’re safe, when…” I screamed when suddenly a massive boulder plummeted down upon them from above. Discord burst out laughing.

“I guess everypony’s a critic. Would you prefer I replayed it with a Yakkity Sax track dubbed over it?” He asked, snapping his claws again and the image of the chaotic Equestria vanished. I didn’t know if what I’d seen was true or another cruel joke the God of Chaos had conceived, but I was in no position to ask. “But all jokes aside, your guesswork does you credit, my dear Princess.” He said, approaching and crouching so he was closer to my eye level.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Oh, isn’t it obvious? I made it so you’ll never feel happy again. You lost the love of your life… both of them! You’re trying to soothe your pain with gallows humor and nostalgia from the false life you’ve lived but it won’t change anything. You’re stranded here, with no hope, and no life to look forward to. What’s the best you can hope for if you were seen in public?” He asked, snapping his claws.

Before I knew it, I was suddenly on a table, and the abdominal part of my body had been cut clean open as though I’d woken up in the middle of an operation! The sight of my insides laid out, faceless scientists removing and examining what they’d taken, and a sudden burning pain made me scream out as loud as I could and in another flash of light, I was back in the darkness, whole and unharmed but Discord was once again with me.

“But… Alice…” I said. “I have my friends…”

“And a fat lot of good they can do you. Look what the magic of friendship did in the end for Equestria!” The chimeric monster said with a sinister laugh. “Alice can’t protect you forever, and you’ll only make things worse on her the longer she feels responsible for you. Admit it, I may be a creature of chaos, and lying may be one of my finer traits, but why lie when the truth can hurt so much more?” He asked, a horrible sneer on his goatlike face when it was suddenly inches from my own. “You’re a pony, trapped in a human world. Such a fate would be truly maddening to any sane mind.”

He was right… I was amazed to keep my mind even remotely straight this long… but how much longer? Where could I go? I can’t burden anypony else… I could feel tears beginning to form in my eyes.

“Ohhh, there, there, little Princess. I’m here to keep you company…” Discord said, his cruel, mocking laugh suddenly echoing all around me as I collapsed to the ground, sobbing in defeat. Suddenly, I was in Alice’s apartment again… but I couldn’t stay. I had to leave now or she’d try and stop me… she’d never understand and one day, maybe she would realize I was doing her a favor in the end…

I’m sorry, Alice. I can’t do this anymore. I need to be somewhere I can never be found, and won’t trouble any…one… I care about ever again. Thank you for trying to help me, but it’s too late now, even before I came over, it already was. Please understand, and move on with your regular life, it’s something you have that I no longer do.

~Cale

My horn ceased glowing as the pencil clattered to the side of the table, the note left for her to find, and I approached the window, using my magic to open it and step outside with the bag of things I'd brought around my neck. Closing the window behind me, I spread my wings and prepared for a long flight into the night sky. Somehow, I could sense the weather around me, my sense of direction that had somehow made my trip to Alice’s easier then expected guided the way to where I wanted to go. It was the only place now that was nearby that made any more sense to me, the only place where I could go now that I’d lost everything else… was my life a lie? Was everything I knew to be a lie? Why did I still mostly think like me, yet have these confusing thoughts and memories? Was all of this real? Was Discord hounding me or had Cadance been driven mad before she ended up as me that now suffering nightmares and hallucinations about Discord had become a side-effect? Was I me? Was I Cadance? Who was I?! Who AM I?! Who was I going to be? I couldn't think straight anymore, only the thought of where I was going kept me moving.

That was when I arrived at the Eastern State Mental Hospital’s doors… pounding the door with my hoof frantically until a night shift orderly answered it, and was greeted with a sight he probably wasn’t expecting to ever see in his lifetime.

“Please! I-I’m begging you… d-don’t ask an-nything, I n-need to be committed…” I pleaded, my voice trembling, body soaking wet and my eyes soaking with the tears I’d shed since leaving Alice’s place…