//------------------------------// // Clopping // Story: The CMCs [Try To] Write Clop // by Draconian Soul //------------------------------// There are thousands of clopfics out there, and many more are bound to come. Some are well-read and well loved; others are mocked and discarded. And then there are some that prove that the writer had no idea what the hell they were writing. This is one of those stories... The CMC's [Try To] Write Clop “'Ah come on!” Apple Bloom begged. “No!” was Applejack’s response, walking out of the barn with the little whining filly following her. “Please?” “NO!” “'Ah, come on big sis! I promise 'Ah won’t hurt her!” Apple Bloom pleaded. “Listen, 'Ah don’t mind ya running around trying to find your special talent, though 'Ah wish 'ya would find a more practical ways of doin’ so,” Applejack replied, turning to her frowning little sister. “But Ah’m not lettin’ ya take Winona! 'Ah need her to help me round up the cattle later on.” “But it won’t take that long!” Apple Bloom was desperate for approval from her sister. She had tried practically everything she could in order to get her cutie mark, but nothing seemed to work. “Tell me this,” Applejack began, staring down at her sister, “what exactly were 'ya planning on doin’ with my dog? If 'ya got a good reason for wantin’ her then Ah’ll consider it.” A small beam of hope appeared on Apple Bloom’s face as she was sure she could convince her sister to let her borrow Winona. “Well, me and mah' friends are gonna try ta get her to jump through a ring of fire and…” “Beg your pardon?” Applejack interrupted. “A ring of fire!?” “We have 'ta have something! Besides, we can’t find a lion…well at least not one that won’t decide 'ta eat us!” “Hmm, 'ya know, 'ya have me convinced!” Applejack began, rather sarcastically. “Of course 'ya can use Winona for your little stunt! Heck, 'Ah reckon 'ya can use her for tightrope walking as well!” Apple Bloom curiously raised an eyebrow at her sister. “You’re being sarcastic aren't you?” “Eeyup,” Applejack replied nonchalantly. Apple Bloom splayed herself on the ground and poked her lips out. “Not fair!” she whined, getting a sympathetic look from her sister. “Aww chin up sis. 'Ah don’t mind your shenanigans and such, but 'ya gotta understand that there are some things 'Ah can’t let 'ya use every time 'ya want. You and your friends are gonna have to find another way to earn your cutie marks, but using Winona is out of the question.” ~~~ “So she wouldn’t budge huh?” Sweetie Belle sighed inside the clubhouse. “Nope,” Apple Bloom responded with her arms folded. “And 'Ah even explained what we were gonna do! Seemed like a good idea at the time.” Sweetie Belle was equally upset about the entire thing. “It’s as if our sisters don’t really care if we find our cutie marks or not! I was willing to sacrifice my hula hoop too.” The two fillies let out defeated sighs, lying on the hardwood floor saddened that there attempts were ruined by their stubborn sisters. They laid there motionless until their purple maned friend trotted in, panting heavily. “Well, here you go…” Scootaloo wheezed before flopping on the ground. “It took me forever to find someone who would give me these, but we have matches for the ring of fire.” “Well your contribution is greatly appreciated,” Sweetie stated, “but we can’t go through with the original plan anymore.” “WHAT!!?” “Our sisters are being jerks to us and won’t let us use their pets,” Apple Bloom added. “Well that’s just great!” Scootaloo exclaimed throwing her hooves in the air. “So I went through all the trouble of taking these matches from the Cakes and running away before I was seen just to find out the idea is a bust!” Sweetie Belle gave Scootaloo a questionable look. “I thought you said they were given to you.” “The means of how I got them aren’t important!” Scootaloo evaded. “The real issue is that our idea is a no go!” The trio sat inside their clubhouse discouraged that their new strategy for getting their cutie mark was prematurely shot down. “Well, if we can’t get our circus cutie mark, we’ll just have to find another way to get one,” Sweetie suggested. “What are we going to do?” Scootaloo asked. “There isn't much of anything that we haven’t tried already!” “Well we gotta find something!” Apple Bloom stated. “Every moment we sit here we’re wastin' time we could be using to find our cutie marks!” The Crusaders sat in their clubhouse pondering on possible ways to gain their destined marks, trying to dig through everything that they ever tried. When they thought they finally came with a conclusion of what they were going to do, nature had other plans. Within mere moments, black clouds built up in the sky and showered the earth with heavy rain, trapping the young fillies inside their playhouse. “Darn! Now even the Pegasi have conspired against us,” Scootaloo groaned. “We could always find something to do while we’re inside here,” Sweetie Belle stated. “What could we possibly do though?” Apple Bloom asked. “Umm…maybe Cutie Mark Hair Dressers?” Sweetie Belle was looking for approval of the idea, but instead was given a disgusted look by Scootaloo. “Blah! No way are you going to get me to get involved in your frou-frou nonsense!” Scootaloo rejected. “Well I don’t see you coming up with any ideas!” Sweetie retaliated. “Give me a moment! I’ll think of something!” Minutes passed as they continued trying to figure out what they could do. The only sound that penetrated the silence was the water pattering against the clubhouse. There wasn’t much that the trio had not attempted for the sake of their marks so finding an alternative through all the rain was becoming a challenge. “'Ah think ah got an idea!” Apple Bloom stated gaining the attention of the other’s. “What about the Cutie Mark Writers!?” Scootaloo and Sweetie stared at each other briefly before returning their focus onto Apple Bloom. “Didn’t we already try that before?” Sweetie questioned. “ 'Ah don’t think that should count,” Apple Bloom defended. “We were under control of that tyrant Diamond Tiara after all.” “Good point,” Sweetie agreed. “So what should we write about then?” “Whatever it is, it should be something edgy and mature!” Scootaloo added. “Most ponies who will probably read our stuff anyways are probably older than school age fillies and colts.” “True. 'Ah don’t see many pony folk of our age pickin’ up a book an’ reading it for too long, so we should target the adults.” “Yeah! Cutie Mark Crusaders Writers!” The trio shouted out their infamous words of excitement every time they formed a new idea. “Great, so how should we start our gritty action adventure story!?” Scootaloo asked enthusiastically, eliciting a confused look from Sweetie. “Um, what now?” “You know, a story with this really awesome dude who goes out and fights demons or something! The horrors of the cursed are plaguing Equestria, and it’s up to him to find and kill all of the wicked!” “Um, I don’t really think that the older ponies read stories like that too often,” Apple Bloom giggled, “but it was a nice suggestion on your part.” “Well I’d like to see you girls come up with better ideas,” Scootaloo stated with an exasperated humph. “What if we write romantic stories?” Sweetie Belle suggested. “Why romance?” Scootaloo complained. “I don’t want to write anything that’s going to bore me to sleep. And besides, what adults read these kinds of stories?” “My sister,” Sweetie Belle answered with her hooves folded, “and she reads them quite a bit. Though she tells me I’m not allowed to read these kinds of romance novels; said I wasn’t old enough to read them.” “'Ya know what…mah' sister read one of those stories 'Ah couldn’t read as well,” Apple Bloom added. “Ah’m almost positive that she reads them every now and then. Matter of fact, she always tells me to go outside when she reads these stories. Kinda strange if 'ya ask me.” Suddenly, Scootaloo’s eyes lit up as she came to the realization of what the other two fillies’ sisters were reading. “Oh, they must be reading those stories ponies clop to!” Scootaloo exclaimed. The others looked at her confused, not having an idea what she was talking about. “What, you’ve never heard of it? It’s the thing that ponies do when they see somepony who is cute. Apparently, it’s an act that’s so unrefined, that you get made fun of just for getting caught in the act! Just ask Snips and Snails. Ever since they were caught clopping to some school fillies in the bushes they have been nicknamed the Cloppy Brothers!” The trio laughed briefly at the ridiculous nickname. “Yeah…so what is clopping?” Sweetie Belle asked. Scootaloo herself didn’t have any idea, but being the stubborn one she didn’t want the others to pick up on that. “It’s when somepony stomps their hooves on the ground rapidly after seeing another pony that they found good looking. They also sometimes whinny and make other silly sounds,” Scootaloo explained convincing even her that that was the correct term. And why would she ever have any doubt about it? It was the obvious meaning of the word. “Wait, why would someone tease another for tapping on the ground?” Apple Bloom questioned, not understanding why this was considered bad. “Wouldn’t you find some guy creepy for pounding the ground and making barbaric sounds if he thought you were cute?” Scootaloo countered. “Good point,” Apple Bloom agreed. “Ok, we should start writing one of these…erm…” “Clopfics?” Sweetie suggested. “Yeah! One of those!” And with that, the group grabbed multiple sheets of paper and prepared to get their hands dirty with writing mature works of fiction. They sat there for developing ideas, finding scenarios they could make, and finalizing ideas. After about thirty minutes of brainstorming, the Cutie Mark Crusaders began to write their first clop fiction. Hayseed Clops All Over Town In the nice sunny town of Ponyville, there was a colt named Hayseed. One of the things that Hayseed did everyday was walk around the town for exercise. He always made sure he stayed in shape just in case that special filly ever came into his eyesight. Unfortunately, he hasn’t had much luck with gaining the attention or affection of anypony. Most assumed it was because of bad luck, but Hayseed himself knew it was because of one thing… …He always clopped in public! “Wait, isn’t that a little too soon?” The Crusaders stopped writing when Apple Bloom questioned the process. “We’re establishing the plot though,” Sweetie Belle explained. “Yeah, but you’re doing it too early! Ah’m no master of writing or anything, but iffen we write the plot with no build up, nopony will take this story seriously.” “I guess you have a point,” Sweetie said using her magic to position her pencil. “I think I can handle the next section.” Most assumed he was just an unlucky colt, but deep down he knew what his problem was. He just never had the will to confront it. After he finally went through one of his runs, he decided it would be best if he headed home. However, on his way home his eyes were drawn to two ponies walking together. They were the most beautiful ponies he had ever seen before. One had a long crimson mane flowing down her face while the other’s was aqua colored, and a significantly shorter. But what really caught Hayseed’s eyes were their round, plump flanks.” “Eww! Why are we talking about the ponies' butts?!” Scootaloo groaned disgusted by the descriptions. Sweetie Belle began to explain. “In order for the story to be convincing and mature, we’ll have to describe every detail. How else are others going to be enticed if there isn’t anything described?” “But why describe the butts?” “I’ve seen other ponies stare at my sister before. Needless to say, that was a big thing they stared at.” Scootaloo and Apple Bloom gave a puzzled look towards Sweetie Belle, causing Sweetie to shrug. “I couldn’t make this up even if I tried!” “Fine, if it’s necessary,” Scootaloo mumbled as the three continued the story. Hayseed found himself hypnotized by their beauty. Their orb-like rumps proved irresistible. “Aw come on!” Scootaloo cried out. “Quite Scoots! We’re tryin’ to concentrate!” Apple Bloom stated. “Oh, I shouldn’t be doing this in public,” Hayseed stated to himself, holding back his urges. But the temptation was proving too much. He followed the two girls making sure he stayed out of their eyesight and began doing something disgraceful behind a few bushes. Clop…clop…clop. He rapidly tapped the ground with his hooves, making light whinnying noises. Clop…clop…cloppity…clop Faster and faster, he pounded the ground with his hooves wildly. He felt the heat rise in his face as his excitement built. Clopping…clop…clop. It was embarrassing. It was uncouth. It was thrilling, and that’s why Hayseed loved doing it. He didn’t care if nopony understood why he enjoyed it; all that mattered was that he was having the time of his life. “Well well well. Mary, look at what we have here!” Hayseed jolted at the silky tone of the mare in front of him. It was the crimson maned pony he was clopping too! His face reddened further, not from pleasure, but from embarrassment. “It looks like we have ourselves a clopper.” The crimson maned mare said to her aqua maned friend named Mary. “Why yes, it would appear that way Sue.” Mary responded with a wicked grin on her face. This was the end of the line for Hayseed. He was caught red handed in the act and had no other option but to try to explain himself. “Um…well…I was…um…” Hayseed kept fumbling over his words. His nervousness made the two giggle. “So you think we were cute enough to follow and clop on the ground to?” Sue questioned. “Did you really like what you saw?” Mary asked. Since Hayseed couldn’t find the words to say, he decided to nod his head and looked at the ground in shame. The two mares just giggled. “Oh it’s okay really,” Mary went up to Hayseed and put a hoof to his chin, raising it up so he could look at her. “We’re really flattered that you find us alluring enough to clop to. As a matter of fact…oh…Sue do you want to tell him?” Sue saw no reason why not to. “We find you kind of cute too. We’ve seen you run around, getting exercise and trying to tone your big, hunky, sweaty…” “Ok, I could deal with the other stuff, but this is excessive!” Scootaloo complained. "'Ah agree on this one? Do we really have ta describe the colt as well?” Apple Bloom asked. Sweetie Belle let out a sigh. “Okay okay, I’ll erase it!” Sweetie Belle cried out before mumbling to herself, “I was just trying to be descriptive.” “We’ve seen you run around, getting exercise and trying to tone your big, hunky, sweaty and we liked what we’ve seen from you. To be perfectly honest, we’ve clopped to you together in the park before.” Hayseed couldn’t believe his ears. “You…did what?” “Oh dear, he’s making us repeat it,” Mary blushed. “I know it’s not the most classy thing for a lady to do, but we did find you appealing, and we couldn’t help ourselves.” Hayseed started to gain his old confidence back, looking up at both Mary and Sue. He couldn’t believe his luck so far, and because he had nothing else to lose he pressed further. “You really find me appealing enough to clop to?” he asked. His answer was the two nodding in unison. An idea began to form inside of Hayseed. “Well, I’m actually flattered that you think of me that way,” he began going towards the two mares, “and trust me, you two were a fine catch to the eyes.” The mares blushed at his honeyed words. “So I’ve been thinking, since you both like me, and I like both of you, why should we hide behind bushes and clop to each other. We might as well do it in groups. A nice, organized clopping session with each other whenever we feel like it; what do you girls think?” The two looked at him and smiled. “I don’t see why not!” Mary accepted the offer. “By the way, we didn’t catch your name.” The colt gave a toothy grin. “It’s Hayseed. Pleased to meet your acquaintances!” What started out as an awkward moment turned into a bountiful experience. Hayseed walked in between his new partners and began trotting towards the sunset. No longer would he have to do anything solo. No more lonely sad nights. He finally had the company he wished; with the hobbies he used to think horrid. Mary, Sue, and Hayseed began their new relationship, and couldn’t wait before they would eventually clop all over town. ***The End*** The Crusaders set down their pencils and looked at the work they had made. “Well, that was an odd experience,” Apple Bloom began reading over what they wrote. “But ya know what, that was fun to write.” “Yeah it was,” Sweetie Belle replied, “though I find it weird that the older horses like this kind of stuff. I don’t get why my sister reads these kinds of stories.” “Who cares why they read them!” Scootaloo stated. “What matters is that we get our marks because of them!” “Ah doubt we’ll get our cutie marks off of one story though, especially one as short as this,” Apple Bloom claimed. “Well, we’ll just have to keep writing enough of these stories!” Scootaloo stated this with the utmost determination. “I’ll just ask the Cloppy Brothers to write a list of other things ponies clop to.” “Nice idea!” Sweetie Belle replied. “And I can try to read some of those stories my sister reads to get a better idea on how to structure the stories.” “Ah’ll edit the stories to make sure there are no mistakes, an’ try ta find somepony who will publish our stories!” “Well, then it looks like we all have a job now!” Scootaloo stated as she moved between the other two putting her arms on their shoulders. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful thing.” The trio could hardly contain their excitement anymore. Doing something so risqué was thrilling to them. They shouted out their newest task: “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CLOP WRITERS!”