The Siege of Fort Luna (Part 2)
“Ma’am, not to question your judgement, but are you sure this is such a good idea?” a nervous Spitfire asked Princess Celestia as the duo sat half-inside a cloud. Just below them, in plain view, was one of the ornamental windows of the castle, overlooking Fort Luna. The Mare of the Moon had just dove into the pillow fort--something Celestia remembered from their youth. Her shadow was darting around the large main room, but Celestia wasn’t worried about that.
She was worried about their plan: the innocent, white cloud drifting inside of the room. Of course, it was Luna’s own prank repurposed, but with a twist. The fact that Luna was hiding inside of a foal’s pillow fort--albeit, one much more complicated than most foals could manage--would not cause the slightest problem.
Or so she thought.
When the puffy weapon was in position over the shadow Celestia assumed to be her sister’s head, she struck. A quick bolt of magic into the cloud ensured that everything was good to go. The attack cloud was ready and armed.
Just before their tactical poof bomb detonated itself above Fort Luna, a voice shouted through the window, “Drop the cloud or thy bunny gets it!”
Celestia’s triumphant expression melted to one of abject terror.
“Princess, what is she talking about?” Spitfire queried, giving the alicorn a sideways glance.
“Stop the cloud,” was the muttered reply.
The pegasus bit back her questions and, with a salute, rocketed down towards the window, leaving a flaming trail in her wake. But it was too late. Right before the leading edge of the flame grabbed and relocated the cloud, it burst. Spitfire barely managed to dodge to the side before a massive deluge of rain showered down upon the fort.
Just before it hit the blankets, waterlogging the entire construction and bringing it crashing to the ground, a burst of dark blue energy intercepted it, leaving the blankets dry as ever. Celestia furrowed her brow, watching as Spitfire bucked the cloud into little puffs of dust.
“Dearest sister, We thought We told you to disarm the cloud, not shower Fort Luna with it. We now have no choice but to carry out Our threat. Unless, of course, thou are willing to forfeit the contest,” came the booming cry a few moments later.
“When have I ever surrendered, Luna? Give me back the bunny and I won’t bring ‘Fort Luna’ down around your head. It’s rather nice this time, and I would hate to damage it,” Celestia shouted back, preparing to take wing into the hallway.
Just before she could leave, Spitfire returned. “Need anything else, ma’am?” she asked, hovering before the camouflaged snout of one of her rulers.
“Captain Spitfire, I’m sorry to tell you this, but the battle has just begun.”
_--_--_--_--_--_
“Well, this is shaping up to be quite a day, eh, Prince? Hey, are you sure you only have one chair in here?”
“Discord... this is the bathroom. My bathroom. Can it wait!?”
The draconequus crossed his mismatched arms, looking over at the white stallion shifting nervously on the only chair in the room. “Well, excuse me, I thought you would want to see the siege of Fort Luna.”
“And I do,” Shining Armor replied, accompanied by a flat glare. “But it can wait a few minutes.”
“Fine.” Discord stood up, snapping his fingers to dispel the watching window. “I’ll be waiting outside.” Without looking at the annoyed unicorn, he promptly opened the window, and stepped outside of the tower. Discord stuck his nose up into the air before haughtily walking out of sight. Seconds later, Shining heard a window open elsewhere in their tower quarters.
Shining sighed before relaxing back into the chair. Unfortunately, the calm only lasted mere moments before Discord stuck his head through the door. “And hurry it up in there, I have a feeling this one is going to be a doozy.”
Discord pulled his head back just in time to miss Shining’s groan and facehoof.
_--_--_--_--_--_
Thunk “Ma’am, if I may,” thunk, “what does this bunny mean to you,” thunk, “that you are willing,” thunk, “to build a catapult,” thunk, “to break down a pillow fort?” One more hit saw the last support in place. Spitfire stepped back, wiping sweat from her brow with a wing. “Not that I’m questioning you, princess, but surely there is an easier way...?”
Celestia paused, causing the cart she was pulling to bump into her hind legs. “The bunny was a gift, from somepony very important to me. If Luna is really intending to damage it, then yes, this is the best option.”
“And you think that launching water balloons, fruit, rocks, bricks, and cannonballs at the pillow fort is the best option?” While she was talking, Spitfire unharnessed Celestia, pulling the laden cart over to the newly-constructed catapult.
Celestia motioned the pegasus closer, bending down to whisper directly into her ear. “To be honest, this is simply a distraction, while I work on the real plan.”
“Wait,” Spitfire’s pupils dilated, “while you work on the real plan?”
“Yes, just keep shooting until she surrenders, or until I call for you. Start with the light ammunition first.” Celestia smiled, then turned around and walked down the hall, disappearing around a corner.
“Yeah, great idea, let’s just shoot things at one of my bosses. Sure to turn out fine,” Spitfire mumbled to herself as she turned around, sticking a water balloon into the catapult. “Sorry, ma’am! Under orders to fire until you surrender!” After a few seconds of silence, Spitfire bit the launch lever and pulled, sending the water balloon careening into one of the walls of the inner fort, just to be blocked by the same transient burst of blue energy.
It wasn’t until she ran out of balloons and moved on to fruit that a noise was heard from the fort. “Is this even legal by the rules?” Princess Luna called from within the fort. “Discord! We know you are watching! Is this legal?”
“Let me see...” Discord appeared in the air, flying over Fort Luna. “Well, this is neither mane or tail pulling, or calling to your mom,” he looked around the paper. “That’s something I wouldn’t mind seeing. And though it is strange that a mare with more centuries than appendages built a pillow fort, it doesn’t really damage reputation... Nope, it looks good to me. Continue.” Just as quick as he appeared, Discord poofed away, leaving the airway clear for another shot--a massive watermelon this time around.
With the judge’s approval Celestia’s--Spitfire’s--assault continued, with no signs of stopping.
_--_--_--_--_--_
“She does have a point, you know.” By now, Shining was so used to Discord’s normal means of transportation, he barely flinched when the draconequus appeared next to him again. “What sort of point value do we give this? After all, it isn’t exactly Celestia doing anything.”
“Well, I don’t really know... Maybe one point to Luna for stealing the bunny, and another two for hiding it in an impenetrable fort,” came Shining’s reply, some time later. Through the window, apples were flying rampant, all being knocked off of the fort by the same blue energy. “I just don’t think that stealing is a prank.”
“I like it. I say we should give it a three, and another three for hiding it,” came Discord’s counteroffer. Shining opened his mouth to argue, but the Lord of Chaos beat him to it. “Or do I have to share your secret?”
“What secret?” asked a feminine voice from behind the two judges. Shining looked at the floor, while Discord turned his head to identify the newcomer. “Ah, Princess Cadence, how nice of you to join us. Come, pull up a chair and watch the Siege of Fort Luna.”
Cadence never took her eyes off of Discord as she walked around the couch, planting a kiss on Shining’s cheek before taking a seat between the two. “Don’t mind me,” she said as the silence cemented itself. “Continue your talk. I like secrets.”
“We were just discussing how to rate Luna’s latest series of pranks. I think we should give it a collective six, but your humbug husband wants to give it a three.” Discord looked at the pink alicorn with a drawn out pout. “Now how is that fair?”
“Well, what did she do?”
“She took a bunny--” Shining started before Cadence interrupted.
“The one that Twilight gave her?”
Shining nodded. “I think so.”
“Well, that’s hardly fair. I agree with Shining.” Cadence turned to Discord, as if daring him to argue.
“Well, I’ll keep that in mind, but I don’t recall either of the princesses declaring you a judge,” Discord rebuffed, turning to look the small alicorn in the eyes.
“I don’t see how it matters, it sounds like you overrule Shining every time he disagrees with you,” Cadence said, crossing her forehooves.
“You told your wife?” Discord deadpanned, looking around Cadence to her husband.
“Ah, w-well...” Shining looked away from the arguing demigods and scratched the back of his head. “Maybe once or twice...”
“Shining, I am disappointed. I thought--” Discord was interrupted by a loud crash from the window, followed by a low, rumbling sounds from below his very feet. “Well, the rating can wait, can’t it? I don’t want to miss anything...”
_--_--_--_--_--_
The strain of repelling various forms of airborne projectiles was beginning to show on the Lunar Princess. Her wings and eyes drooped, her movements sluggish, and she didn’t even bother shielding the walls anymore. So, when something the size and shape of a cannonball launched itself at the roof of Fort Luna, it is perfectly understandable why the fort’s namesake barely had the strength to repel it.
Thankfully, the artillerypony was getting tired as well. She had gone through almost her entire stock of ammo, and Celesta’s “master plan” still was not ready yet. Left with no other option, Spitfire had lugged a cannonball onto the arm of the catapult, and sent it flying, aimed right in the middle of the roof of Fort Luna.
However, cannonballs are heavy, and it was taking longer and longer for Spitfire to work up the energy to load another shell into the siege machine. The increased minutes of reprieve gave Luna the time she needed to relax between volleys, which was the only reason the fort had not already fallen.
“Captain Spitfire!” Luna called, causing the pegasus to stop reloading.
“Yes, uh, ma’am?” Spitfire reluctantly replied. “Are you ready to surrender yet?”
“Neigh, We have an offer for you.”
The flaming pegasus paused for a moment, more curious than she would like to admit. “What sort of offer?”
“Join us, Captain Spitfire. Inside the walls of Fort Luna, our Sister cannot touch you. You will be safe in here, and will no longer have to load and fire that catapult. We imagine you must be getting rather tired by now.” To her surprise, Spitfire found herself nodding. She had hoped that Celestia’s plan would be ready long before now. Her wings and hooves were sore, and she just knew she would find splinters on her hooves when she went home later that night. On top of that all, she was missing Wonderbolt practice, and she knew Soarin would give her hell when she returned.
On the other hoof, even if she accepted, Fort Luna couldn’t stand forever, not under the full might of the Sun herself. “Sorry, ma’am, I’m under orders to keep firing until you surrender. Nothing personal.” Spitfire turned around and laboriously lifted another cannonball to the arm of the catapult. Before she could fire, however, the floor below her began to rumble.
Thinking that maybe Celestia’s master plan was finally nearing fruition, Spitfire hastily knocked the cannonball off of the catapult, wincing as the large iron ball hit the still-shaking floor.
Just in time, too, for if she had launched the cannonball at that moment, it would have hit the head of the blue alicorn who had just been launched through the roof of Fort Luna, and was now currently sailing out of the window.
_--_--_--_--_--_
Halfway across Canterlot, a blue pegasus by the name of Soarin, second in command of the Wonderbolts, had just left the break room in the Canterlot Coliseum, where the entire team was drilling for a show later that week. His routine had just finished, so he covertly ducked into the room, to snag the last slice of banana-cream pie, generously donated by Princess Celestia herself not even an hour before.
Soarin took a seat in one of the low-lying bleachers, ready to enjoy his snack, when a speck, high up in the sky caught his attention. Morbid curiosity forced him to watch as the speck grew and grew, eventually growing four legs, two wings--which were all flailing around--and a horn.
So fascinated was he, that Soarin barely managed to dive out of the way of the out-of-control princess as she landed muzzle-first in the last slice of pie, effectively ruining all his chances of having a delicious snack before returning to practice. As he watched, Princess Luna slowly rose to shaking hooves, and took off for the castle, leaving the entire team shocked and confused.