Twilight, trying to forget about the international espionage she was reasonably sure she participated in, and the contraceptive she was reasonably sure she had to take as a result of it, awkwardly tried to mingle in the party.
"Oh, hi, Big Mac! I haven't seen you in forever!" Twilight said. "Ever since… *coughcough* youranoffandbecameapornstar *coughcough* …no one has seen you much." There was an awkward pause. "How's that going, anyway?"
"Do you really want to know?" Big Mac replied.
"Not really," Twilight lied. "So, other than that, what have you been doing?"
"Actually," he replied, "I just dropped by Ponyville the other day."
"Really?"
"Applejack was distraught about something, so I came down," he said. Becoming a porn star somehow made him more verbose. "Something seemed to have really traumatized her, but she said she couldn't tell me what was."
"Yeah," Twilight said, remembering they were forced to agree to a Pinkie Promise about the Pinkie Pie incident. Then she remembered something else. "That reminds me, I'm really sorry. You know, about your parents. I just found out."
"No, it's okay."
"I didn't know the humans could do that…"
Big Mac raised an eyebrow. "What? The humans?"
Twilight looked up at Big Mac quizzically. "I heard that some humans killed your parents."
He blinked. "Well, you heard wrong. They're still missing."
"What?"
"In fact, right as I was leaving, Applejack said she was going to the library to ask if you would heard anything."
Twilight already knew the answer, but she asked anyways. "When was this?"
"Last Thursday."
Twilight ran off as fast as her legs would carry her. "Not good… not good… not good…" she panted. "Got to find—"
At that point, she crashed headfirst into something.
Unfortunately, it turned out to be Celestia.
"What were you talking about?" Celestia asked.
Twilight panicked. "Oh, sorry, I was… just catching up, yeah," she stammered.
"What's wrong? Did you accidentally brainwash one of your friends again?" Celestia said.
Twilight really wished Celestia would stop doing that.
"Anyway, we found this one lost in the castle," Celestia said, producing Obama. "You really should have told him space folds in on itself here before he started wandering around."
"Sorry," Twilight said.
"No, it's my fault," Obama said. "I shouldn't have wandered off."
"It doesn't matter to me, just you probably wouldn't want to be stuck in this castle alone with me in the middle of the night," Celestia said. "Anyway, enjoy the party!"
Obama waited for Celestia to be a good distance away and whispered to Twilight.
"So, did you find anything?"
"Yeah, you?"
"Yeah."
"…"
"…"
"She's listening, isn't she?"
"I can hear you, you know!" Celestia yelled from an indeterminable distance away.
"We'll meet up later," Twilight groaned. "Let's try to enjoy the dance."
"The Donald and Trixie are here."
"Then we have a reasonable excuse to go somewhere private. Come on, I know this castle like the back of my hand, er, hoof."
Obama was sure this was leading to something needlessly romantic, but he couldn't argue with an opportunity to get away from the Donald. Twilight started leading Obama through the castle. Obama tried to pay attention and figure out how the castle was laid out, but he quickly gave up. Corridors became other corridors depending on what directions you entered them, walls moved, doors led to rooms that you had just exited… it was utterly impossible to figure out. The experience felt like a Studio Ghibli movie under slightly more drugs. After entering a cabinet and finding a balcony overlooking the dance inside, the two sat down.
Obama tried to figure out how that worked. "Wait, but didn't we—"
"You know the Pinkie Pie rule?"
Obama thought back. "Don't question it, it's Pinkie Pie?"
"We have the same rule here in Canterlot, but about the Canterlot castle," Twilight said. "Rumor has it Celestia outsourced construction to a mental institution." She thought about it. "Or Discord. Same thing, really."
"How long have you known Celestia?"
"My whole life," Twilight said. "I looked up to her when I was little, and when she saw my power, she just took me in." She paused. "I've never really thought about it, but now…"
She stopped and rested her head on Obama.
They sat in silence for a while.
"…I know I have to go through with this."
– – – –
The dance now over, Obama and Twilight began to head out. On the way, Celestia awkwardly worked her way in their group and started reminiscing, also awkwardly.
"…but that's nothing compared to when Twilight first learned how to cl—"
"Anyway, nice weather out tonight, isn't it!?" Twilight butted in before the rating of this story had to be raised to mature.
"So," Obama said, trying and inevitably failing to redirect the conversation, "do you have anything not about Twilight to talk about?"
"Well, just today I destroyed our neighboring country's economy!" Celestia said. "Although technically, Twilight was involved in that too. You see, it's a really bad idea to put your country's water supply right…"
"Okay, maybe we can get back to Twilight?" Obama suggested, horrified.
"It was almost like that one time Twilight tortured Trixie and erased her own memory of it!" Celestia said, giggling.
Twilight started laughing, then froze. "Wait, what?"
"Oh, you forgot about that? Well, makes sense," Celestia said. "Well, anyways, see you kids! I've got royal duties to attend to!" She proceeded to shove the two into their carriage, which promptly sped off.
Twilight and Obama just sat there for a bit.
Obama decided to ask the obvious. "Did you really…?"
"That's Celestia for you," Twilight replied, answering the question. "She could probably talk Pinkie Pie into committing suicide if she was alone with her long enough."
"What a piece of work," Obama snapped, then noticed Twilight's eyes widen. "You think she's listening?"
"She's listening," Twilight immediately replied. "Let's just… not talk."
"Agreed."
They sat in silence again, except this time it was much less touching.
– – – –
"Thank you, Twilight. That was fun, and potentially useful," Obama said. "I have something important I have to do, so I can't stay."
"Something important?" Twilight replied. She looked up at the night sky. "You mean sleep?"
"Yeah, that," Obama lied. "Bye!"
And he was off.
Twilight wondered about Obama.
Obama was too preoccupied to continue the chain. Once he was sure he was out of Twilight's vision, Obama sped up his pace until he was finally sprinting. He pulled out a document from his shirt. He was glad no one had found it. He knew what he had to do.
Obama ran up to Applejack's house and started obnoxiously banging on the door. After a while, a very annoyed Applejack answered.
"WHAT THE HAY!? DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!?" she screamed. Then she noticed it was Obama. "Oh, wait, it's you." A pause. "Wait, that doesn't change anything! WHAT THE HAY!?"
"I found a secret document you need to see," Obama loudly whispered.
Applejack tried to figure what was going on in a half-asleep stupor. "What? Secret what? From where? From town hall? Is Mayor Mayor raising sales tax again?"
"From Canterlot castle," Obama said.
"From… what," Applejack replied. "Oh, wait, the Gala! Yeah! The Gala is in Canterlot Castle! …wait…"
"I snuck around the castle and found it," Obama said.
"You what!? Isn't that dangerous? No, wait, don't answer that. Hell yeah it's dangerous! Why would you do that!? And then you come here, raise a ruckus, and get us involved!? Thanks a lot!"
Apple Bloom tumbled down the stairs, wakened by all the yelling. "What's going on, big sis?"
Applejack turned around. "Oh, nothing, there's just this idiot at our door," she said.
"Oh… okay… I thought it was something unusual…" Apple Bloom yawned, heading back up.
"Let's get somewhere private," Applejack said. "If you risked life and limb show me this, it better damn well be important."
– – – –
Twilight stood there, in front of her house, wondering what to do.
Something seemed up with Obama. She couldn't quite put her horn on it, but he seemed to be hiding something. What could it be? He kept fidgeting around and not having Rarity flashbacks.
Then she remembered. His declaration of love for Applejack. He said it was a prank Rainbow Dash put him up to, which, in all honesty, sounded like something she would do, but Twilight wasn't convinced. And after tonight, with the delicate atmosphere of the dance and very high possibility Celestia spiked the punch with something…
Twilight ran to Applejack's house. If he was going anywhere, it was there, she was sure of it. Once there, she saw Apple Bloom, tired and irritated, sticking her head out a window.
"Hey! Hey!" Twilight whispered. "Has Obama dropped by here?"
"Yeah, and woke me up with all his yelling, too. Those two need to get a room," Apple Bloom replied. "Right now they're 'somewhere private.' "
Twilight stared at Apple Bloom.
"So behind that tree over there."
"Thanks!" Twilight said, and quietly ran to the tree. Maybe she could scrounge up a threesome out of this. She could live with that.
– – – –
"So what is this document?" Applejack asked.
"Here," Obama said, handing it to her. "Read for yourself."
Applejack opened what here, we would call a manila folder, and there, we would also call a manila folder, because honestly there isn't much to work with for horse puns there.
"Hit… order…" Applejack read, then looked worried. "Should I really be reading this?"
"Keep reading."
"For two earth ponies known as…" Applejack stopped. "My parents."
A silence filled the clearing.
Applejack kept reading. "Removing them will be of political benefit, as it increases the chance their daughter will become the Element of Honesty, which…" She paused. "Are you sure this is real?"
"Look," Obama said, pointing to a corner of the document. "The royal seal."
Applejack examined it closely, and when she was satisfied, set the document down. "So… Celestia is the reason why my family…"
"Yeah."
"Just so she could have more power."
"Yes."
Applejack inhaled.
"She's… going down." She looked at Obama. "I need some time alone."
Obama stood up. "Okay."
He went outside. He smiled.
Then he saw Twilight.
Next thing he knew, they were inside the library.
– – – –
Twilight stared at Obama with unreadable eyes. "Obama, the royal seal isn't that design," she said. "It's the lipstick mark."
"What?"
"I heard everything."
Obama froze.
"It's one of the first things people fall for when they try to forge documents," Twilight explained, walking around. "What's harder to forge, a stamp or the princess's lips?"
Obama swallowed.
Twilight walked up to Obama. "Tell me," she said. "You forged that document, didn't you?"
"It… was necessary," he replied.
Twilight turned away.
"There's no way we can do this if we don't play hardball!" Obama yelled. "You know how Celestia is!"
"Applejack's parents weren't killed by humans," Twilight said.
"What?"
"You remember the Somebody Else's Problem field I set up when we planned all this?" Twilight said. "Where anyone going to the library would blame their problem on something else and go away?"
"What are you getting at?"
"That day, Applejack went to the library to ask me about her parents," Twilight said. She turned back towards Obama. "Do you understand!? Her parents getting murdered is a fake memory, implanted by my spell! And now that you've created physical evidence for it, I can't remove it!"
"Well, it worked, didn't it? She's on our side now!" Obama said.
"We could have done anything else! Anything! But you didn't even tell me about this!" Twilight yelled. "I thought you trusted me! And I wouldn't be half as a mad if you weren't so sloppy about it! I mean, what if anyone else came to Applejack's house? What then? And when did you do this? In the royal record room, when you were 'wandering around?' Who knows what kind of surveillance is in there, and what kind of evidence you left behind that could lead to us!"
Obama was silent.
"I'm still in for overthrowing Celestia, but if you get caught, that's no longer any of my business," Twilight said. "And if I find a way to restore Applejack's memories without screwing things up more, I'm going to do it, am I clear?"
Obama nodded.
"Now get out."
Obama left.
Twilight sighed. Spike walked down the stairs. "Uh, did I just hear what I—"
"If you even breathe a word of this to anyone, I'm setting Fluttershy loose on you," Twilight grunted.
Spike stayed silent.