Spike's Tooth

by AbstractThought

Nothing But the Tooth

Spike, hungry and fresh out of bed, had just sat down at the kitchen table to enjoy his favorite breakfast: emerald scones. He had purchased a box of them from Sugarcube Corner the other day, and he was eager to enjoy the sweet treats before him. Grabbing a scone, he opened his mouth and took a large bite; only to feel a sharp pain in his mouth. Yelping in shock, he immediately spit his un-chewed mouthful back into his hand.

“Spike!” Twilight Sparkle cried out in alarm, running over to him. “What happened?”

“Ow, my mouth!” Spike whined. “I was trying to eat an emerald scone, but I hurt my tooth somehow!”

“Really? Let me see,” Twilight said in concern, using her magic to open Spike’s mouth. She took a look inside and noticed something missing.

“Spike, you just lost your first baby tooth!”

“I did?” Spike brightened up immediately. “Alright! Do you know what this means? I’m finally becoming an adult! No more oh, Spike, you’re just a baby dragon, you can’t do grown-up stuff; nope, I’ll finally get to do all that grown-up stuff and get some hair on my chest! Dragons can grow chest hair, right?”

Twilight giggled, then added, “And you know what’s even better? You’ll get a visit from the tooth fairy tonight, and she’ll give you bits for your tooth!”

“Pfft, come on, Twi,” Spike scoffed, “I’m not a baby anymore. Do you really think I don’t know that’s just an old mare’s tale? You might as well just give me the bits now, Twilight. Maybe enough for a lunch date with Rarity?” he added hopefully.

“Spike, it’s not an old mare’s tale,” Twilight insisted. “The tooth fairy is real! She visited me all the time when I lost my baby teeth! One time she even gave me a sugar free mint!” Twilight squealed in delight at the memories.

“Twilight, you can’t be serious,” Spike said in disbelief. “Haven’t you ever considered that your parents were leaving that stuff for you instead of some fairy?”

“I did consider that one point,” Twilight admitted. “But I kept getting bits even when I was away from my parents and didn’t tell anypony about losing my teeth! Therefore, the evidence points to the existence of the tooth fairy! Do you have sufficient evidence to disprove it?”

“Well, uh…”

“Didn’t think so,” she concluded smugly.

Spike sighed. “Fine, whatever, the tooth fairy’s real. As long as I get some bits for this baby-” after removing the tooth from the piece of emerald he had spit out, he continued, “-it’s cool with me.”

“That’s the spirit!” Twilight cheered happily. “Just make sure you put it under your pillow so the tooth fairy knows where to find it.”

“Sure thing, Twi,” Spike replied as he ascended the stairs to his bed.

“And don’t forget to clean up your mess here when you’re done!” Twilight reminded him.

“I know, I will,” Spike assured her. He was about to lift up his pillow when an idea came to him.

Hmm, I bet this tooth would make a cool necklace…

Spike walked over to Carousel Boutique with a spring in his step, his morning chores completed. He had glued a string to his tooth, forming a necklace that he now wore proudly. He could just imagine Rarity swooning over what a stud he was and how she wanted to marry him, all because of a tooth on a string. With this imagined scenario fueling his enthusiasm, he strode up to Rarity’s front door and knocked firmly, his confidence overflowing.

“Be right there!” the voice of his dreams called out from inside. After a few seconds the door opened; Rarity entered his vision, looking stressed and disheveled. “Oh, hello Spike!” Rarity greeted.

“Hello, Rarity,” Spike replied in what he thought was a suave voice. “Notice anything new about me?”

“Sorry Spike, but I don’t have for guessing games.” Spike’s face fell, while Rarity’s flustered state returned as she hurried Spike inside. “I just received a massive order from Hoity Toity for his latest fashion gallery, and I have to finish over a dozen outfits by tonight or I won’t make the order and my reputation will be ruined!”

Spike – disappointment lacing his face - followed her inside and offered, “Well, I wouldn’t mind helping you out, Rarity.”

“Really?! Oh, Spike, you’re a life-saver!” Rarity squealed ecstatically.

“It’s no trouble at all,” Spike assured her, with a low bow. “Especially with my new neck-”

“Come, Spike!” Rarity interrupted as she dragged him with her magic. “There are so many dresses to make and so little time!”

Spike sighed inwardly. At least she’s noticing me…

After hours of hard work, in which Spike helped Rarity design her clothes, fetched her whichever materials she needed, kept her from collapsing in a melodramatic breakdown, and failed to get her to notice his cool necklace, the order was finally completed and delivered. The two of them were worn out at the end of it all; neither of them in the mood to make dinner or go out. Spike suggested take-out, and even though Rarity normally despised take-out, she was tired enough to accept it this once. Minutes later, the two of them sat at the kitchen table, munching Chineighese food and talking.

“I just wanted to thank you again, Spike,” Rarity beamed. “Who knows how rushed and garish my creations would have been if I hadn’t had your help today?”

“Anything for you Rarity,” Spike replied, glad to have been able to help his beloved, yet disappointed she hadn’t noticed his new little accessory.

“Oh Spike, is that a tooth around your neck?” Rarity asked suddenly.

“Uh, yeah!” Spike replied brightly. Finally. “Not just any tooth, it’s MY tooth! A real dragon tooth necklace, how cool is that?”

“Yes, that certainly is cool,” Rarity replied. “But may I ask why you’re using it in a necklace when you could put in under your pillow for the tooth fairy?”

“Aw geez, Rarity, not you too!” Spike groaned, slapping a hand to his face in exasperation.

“Spike, I don’t want to hear any neigh-saying from you about the tooth fairy!” Rarity told him reproachfully. “She generously donates from her own pockets to those who offer their teeth in return! How can you depreciate such a wonderful gesture?”

“I’m not! I’m not!” Spike blurted out, waving his hands defensively. “I was just…never mind.” He sighed with resign. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s quite alright Spike,” Rarity calmly assured him. “Why don’t we just talk about something else?”

“Sounds good to me,” Spike replied in relief.

When did I become the only grown-up around here?

After a hard day’s work and hearing about the tooth fairy one too many times, Spike was glad to be able to get some shut-eye. He had his tooth under his pillow (thanks to Twilight’s reminder), but he still had the tooth in a necklace, and he clenched the string in his hand as he dozed off.

“Hey Rarity,” Spike said suavely. “What do you think of my gold tooth necklace?”

“Ooh, Spike!” Rarity swooned. “That necklace makes you look so much more handsome, and it doesn’t make me think of the tooth fairy at all!”

“That’s just what I wanted to hear,” Spike replied with a grin.

“Is that tooth real gold?” Rarity asked him in a sultry tone.

“Why don’t you look at it up close-” Spike offered, taking off his necklace and holding it in his outstretched hand, “-and tell me?”

Rarity used her magic to tug the gold tooth toward her, saying, “Spike, dear, would you please let go?”

“What, you can’t tell if it’s real while I’m holding it?” Spike asked skeptically.

“Come on, let go let go let go…”

“…let go let go let go, oh no!”

“Wha…” Spike stirred from his sleep and opened his eyes to see a blue unicorn with a blue-and-white mane using her magic to pull on his tooth.

“AAH!” Spike screamed.

“Shh shh shh, please be quiet,” the pony urged softly.

“Twilight! Intruder alert!”

“Spike, what are you-” Twilight began groggily, stopping when she noticed the strange pony in her room. “AAH! Who are you and what are you doing in my house?!”

“Don’t panic, don’t panic!” the pony said frantically. “Um, there’s a simple explanation for why I’m here in the middle of the night. I, uh, really wanted to check out a library book!”

“In the middle of the night?” Twilight asked skeptically. “Couldn’t you wait until morning?”

“Well, uh, I guess I could’ve,” The pony replied sheepishly. “It’s just that I really like reading and, well, sometimes you get the urge, you know?”

“Oh, I know exactly what you mean!” Twilight empathized. “I remember I was in an amusement park with my big brother and foal-sitter, but I ran home at one point because I just had to read about the history of rollercoasters!”

“Uh, yeah!” The mare added. “I remember going through some similar thing for a thing I really wanted to read about!”

“We have so much in common!” Twilight gushed. “We should read together!”

“No!” the pony exclaimed a little too loudly. “Uh, I mean, I really like my privacy when I read. That’s it!”

“I understand,” Twilight said. “I’ll go downstairs to do a little late-night experimenting and let you have your privacy.”

“Twilight, are you serious?!” Spike shouted in frustration.

“Spike, don’t be rude to our guest!” Twilight snapped at him. “I’m sorry about Spike,” she said to the strange pony. “He doesn’t really get reading like we do.”

“Oh, it’s totally fine,” The pony reassured her. “Maybe I could help the little guy get into it if you’d like.”

“Well, you’re welcome to try,” Twilight offered as she headed toward the door. “Though I should warn you; he’s got a bit of a cranky side.”

“Hey!” Spike griped.

Twilight giggled. “Told ya.” With that, she stepped out of the room.

Spike put his face in his hands and groaned. “All the ponies in this town are crazy.”

“So uh,” the pony asked casually. “Can I have your tooth now?”

“You!” Spike growled, turning to the strange pony. “Don’t think I can’t take you without Twilight around! I’m a dragon, after all! Rawr!” Spike tried and failed to give an intimidating roar.

The pony giggled. “Aw, how cute!”

“Don’t patronize me!” Spike snapped. “Who are you, anyway?”

“Well, legally I’m known as Minuette,” the pony said. “But you can call me Colgate! I’m Ponyville’s go-to dentist! You must take good care of your teeth if you’ve never heard of me!”

“Well, I don’t like to brag…” Spike began, until he came to his senses. “Hey, don’t distract me! I know you didn’t come here for late-night reading! Now tell me why you’re really here before I toast you and serve you with butter!”

“Okay, okay!” Colgate hastily replied. “Here goes…um, you ever hear of the tooth fairy?”

“Ugh, don’t tell me you believe in the tooth fairy as well!” Spike groaned.

“Well, it would be weird if I didn’t, seeing as I am her,” Colgate admitted with a pacifying smile.

“Uh…” Spike stared at Colgate for a few seconds, not sure how to react to that. Eventually he settled on “What the hay?!”

“Yeah, I figured you’d react like that,” Colgate yawned. “That’s why I was hoping to get your tooth while you were asleep, but no, you had to make a silly necklace out of it!”

“Hey, a dragon tooth necklace is NOT silly!” Spike snapped defensively. “And what do you mean, you’re the tooth fairy?!”

“Well, I guess I should explain,” Colgate began. “Ever since I was a filly, I’ve always been fascinated by teeth. I read about teeth, I stared at others’ teeth; I listened to music about teeth, the works! When my baby teeth started falling out, I kept them so I could study them and look at them and play with them and stuff. When I learned that everypony else lost their baby teeth, I thought it was such a waste that ponies just threw their teeth away, so I thought up the tooth fairy persona in order to create a tradition that would allow me to have all the teeth I wanted! Considering the tradition involved me giving away free bits, it’s no wonder it caught on so well!”

“Let me get this straight,” Spike said. “You started the whole tooth fairy thing just so you could justify breaking into ponies’ houses and taking their teeth?”

“What are you saying, that I have an obsession with teeth?!” Colgate snapped. “I resent that! Any other pony in my position would have done the same thing I did! Besides, I could judge you for using your tooth to make a silly necklace, but I’m not!”

“Yeah, you totally are!”

“Exactly! So don’t go calling me a crazy nutjob when I’m clearly not!” Colgate shouted, her eye twitching.

“Of…course you aren’t,” Spike said uneasily. “So, uh, how are you able to find out when others lose their teeth and get to them all?

“Simple!” Colgate explained. “I learned a teleportation spell and a spell to detect teeth that have been placed under pillows. I had some trouble with false teeth at first, but with a little spell refinement, nopony would fool me with wood or plastic anymore!”

“Good to hear,” Spike responded. “So, uh, if you’ll just leave now…”

“Wait! I still need your tooth!” Colgate pleaded. “I’ve never had a baby dragon tooth before! This will be a momentous occasion for dentists everywhere!”

“Gee, I dunno,” Spike said slyly. “I don’t think I want to part with my precious tooth, especially not to somepony who doesn’t appreciate good fashion.”

“Oh please please please let me have your tooth!” Colgate begged, getting on her knees and wrapping her hooves around Spike’s legs. “I’ll do whatever you want! Bits, teeth, toothpaste; name it, it’s yours!”

“Hmm, well there is one thing I’d like…”

“Oh, Colgate!” Spike spoke in a loud, false tone as Rarity walked by the next day. “I’m so glad you decided to be my girlfriend!”

“Why wouldn’t I want to be your girlfriend?” Colgate replied similarly. “After all, you are a kind and generous, uh, studmuffin, who works hard and has an awesome taste in necklaces.”

“Oh, please stop, you’re making me blush,” Spike said in the same tone.

“Okay, then!” Colgate said obliviously.

Spike resisted the urge to facepalm, instead turning toward Rarity.

“Oh, hi Rarity! I didn’t see you there! I was too busy admiring my super amazing new girlfriend Colgate!”

“Really?” Rarity said, intrigued. “You never told me you were interested in another mare.”

“Yeah, I was surprised too,” Spike responded. “But when I met Colgate; well, the heart wants what the heart wants.”

“Yep!” Colgate chimed in. “Not only am I a dentist, but I also own a mansion and a gold-plated carriage!”

“Bet you’re feeling pretty jealous, eh, Rarity?” Spike asked hopefully.

“Jealous?” Rarity repeated in genuine surprise. “Of course not!”

Spike’s face fell. “Come again?”

“Why, I’m happy that you’ve found true love at last!” Rarity gushed. “And with such a fine lady, as well! I can tell you two will be inseparable! Oh, I should start designing a wedding dress for you Colgate! It’s never too early to prepare for such a wondrous occasion! Ta-ta!” With that, Rarity trotted off.

“Rarity, wait!” Spike called out to her, but it was too late. He slumped on the ground miserably. “Well, this is just great!” he griped. “How am I supposed to fill the hole in my heart now?”

“Well, you still have me, don’t you?” Colgate reminded him with a bright and shiny smile on her face.

Spike stared at her for a few seconds, contemplating and thinking about all that had happened recently, and then decided:

“Eh, why not?”

And then they kissed all day long.