“Nazis.”
“Why does it always have to be Nazis?” I sighed. I looked around the dirt clearing, noticing the fires at the edges, giving the area an ominous glow. Glancing back at the men with guns, I noticed only about half of them paying attention; the other half looked almost asleep.
“Because mein freund,” the Nazi leader began, “since we are, nobody dares to interrupt our ‘research’.”
I gave the Nazi leader a glancing look, and I could tell that he was a pretty high ranking officer. He even had a cliche scar across one eye and a funny SS on his collar.
Something told me that the research these guys meant didn’t involve going to their local library. I sighed, and shifted in the restraints. The rope keeping my hands together started to get itchy.
Why was it that bad guys only used the bad rope? Couldn’t they use good rope? Wait, no, the good guys have the good rope. That’s why they’re good…
Looking around, I realized that I wasn’t being the most polite guest to the people who were pointing their guns at me. I cleared my throat, and began to speak.
“So what are you going to do about the Diamond Wing? Sell it to some creepy
collector that’ll just stuff it into his basement?”
The leader seemed amused by my comment. The men with the guns pointed at me
continue to point their guns at me.
“Ah, but this is the Diamond Wing! You are aware of its powers I presume?”
“Yeah, yeah.” I rolled my eyes, like I was explaining the concept of... Something. Whatever, I need to be speaking right now.
“Uh, where was I? Oh, yeah. Place it on the pedestal at the time of the full moon, wait for a few hours, and see what the Hell it does, since no one else seems to know. At least, no one still alive.” I cocked my head to one side, “listen, are you guys going to shoot me or do I have to be tied to a post all day? I have papers to grade.”
Wait, I do have papers to grade.
“Never mind, feel free to shoot.”
This time, the head honcho Nazi actually laughed, or something that resembled laughter. Kind of sounded like a dying horse.
A dying Nazi horse. Jeez, that would suck.
“Ah, mein freund, you have made me laugh many times over these . . . How many years has it been?”
“Just about ten now”
Oh, I should get him an anniversary present! What would he like? A gun? No, he’d use that… How about a toaster. Yeah, everyone likes toasters. Toast is awesome.
“Ah, yes. A decade of treasure hunting while I fervently chase after, hoping that one day you slip up; just as you did today mein dear Doctor.” He seemed pretty happy at the fact that I screwed up.
Never mind, he’s definitely not getting a toaster anymore. Jerk-face.
“Hey! It’s not my fault that those locals hated that statue so badly!”
“Ah, yes Doctor, but such is life.”
Suddenly, the man’s demeanor changed dramatically. Going from happy and psychotic to melancholy. “I will truly miss you, Dr. Bones, but life goes on.” He paused as if in thought, “At least, for me anyways. Men, kill him. I do not wish to be disturbed.”
“Hey, Mister Uber Nazi man, I dunno what your Nazi guns fire, probably the tears of children and Brussel sprouts, but normal guns make noise.”
The head honcho Nazi, as I’ve come to calling him, walked away, snorting and shaking his head, leaving me with his subordinates. Still pointing guns at me might I add.
“So,” I began with a sly smirk, “You guys come here often?”
“Nein! tun wir nicht! Und ich deine Mutter gefickt!”
“I have no idea what you just said, but I think you just insulted my mother.”
“Ja.”
The amount of bullets that rained down on me was unbelievable. What’s even more unbelievable is that not one of them managed to hit me.
Seriously? YOU HAD ONE JOB!
A stray bullet hit where my cuffs where tied together, and I was freed from its rope clutches. I scrambled behind the thick pole that I was previously tied to, and I began to think of a plan. All right, they took my revolver, my hat- damn them- and my useless and obscure map.
If I can somehow get around these idiots without getting shot, I’ll be fine. Thankfully, that’s easier done than said.
Once the idiots ran out of bullets in their magazines, I sprinted as fast as I could from the pole and toward the tent I saw Head Honcho Nazi walk into earlier. I was almost home free before I felt a burning sensation in my shoulder and lower left arm.
“Oh great, now they decide to aim!”
Ignoring- and failing- at ignoring the pain from the gun wounds, I ran as quietly as I could toward the tent, using the darkness of night as my cover. I was just about to run in when I heard the sound of boots stomping past. Once the coast was clear, I managed to wriggle out of the bush I was in and get close to the flap that was the entrance to the tent.
“Ich liebe dich, du liebst mich, wir sind eine glückliche Familie~”
“Shit shit shit!” My eyes flicked from object to object on the floor.
Tree, no. Leaves, no. Well… Nah, that’d look stupid. Ohh, box, perfect!
I managed to fit myself in the large box, more of a crate than a box.
Mhh… Love me a good box.
I looked out of a crevice under the rim of the box and saw the feet of the soldier in front of me.
I moved the box up, and slowly crawled over to the tent, before I heard the soldier whirl around.
“Please don’t see me, please don’t see me, please don’t see me.” I whispered to the box gods
“Dumm box. Ich wünschte, du wärst ein Panda. Dann würde ich dich umarmen.”
Did he just say Panda?
Once I was certain the stupid guard was done watching me, I continued my slow trek towards the tent in my box camouflage.
Once I was within reach of the tent flap, the mean non-box God decided to throw me another curve ball. A boot was promptly stomped onto my box, preventing me from moving any further.
“Was ist diese Box hier? Ah! Ich weiß! Sir! Ihre amerikanischen Porno ist da!”
The soldier that was speaking picked up the box I was using as cover, and I held onto the inside of it for dear life, thanking whoever was watching over me that these men were as bright as sticks.
No wonder they were never able to catch me.
The soldier left me on the ground opposite of the Head Honcho Nazi, and I sprung form my hiding place.
The Nazi cocked his head, “You’re my porn?”
I face palmed, and put on my hat that was on a table nearby.
“Doctor Bones! How did you escape my men!?” He recoiled in surprise, not even thinking to use the gun on his hip.
I shrugged, still feeling a sharp pain in my shoulder. “Simple. Your men are idiots my dear Watson!”
Head Honcho Nazi seemed to take offense to this.
“You come here, take what is rightfully mine, insult my men, and you disguise yourself as a shipment of dirty magazines!”
“Actually, that never came. I just found a box and hid in it.”
“Nein! You will not ruin another of my plans!”
The Head Honcho Nazi finally went to reach for the Luger in the holster at his side, only to knock over the Diamond Wing in his own haste and/or stupidity.
CRACK
FUUUUUUUU-
The Diamond Wing shattered into countless crystal shards and pieces, the shards twinkled on the ground like diamonds in the sky. The Diamond Wing, or what was left of it, began to glow and vibrate with unstable power, arcs of electricity bursting from it at spontaneous intervals.
“Head Honcho Nazi, what did you do?”
He gulped. “Mein name is Alexis, Doctor.” He said sadly, not even thinking to back away from the magic artifact sparking at his feet.
“Yeah, right.”
The remains of the artifact continued to glow brighter and brighter until all I could see was an endless white void.
Huh… This is gonna hurt, isn’t it…
<==(+)==>
Daring Do was closing in on the final piece of the puzzle. If she could solve this puzzle, she would have entrance to the Temple of The Forgotten. A temple deep in the Zebrican Forest; far from Equestria’s borders.
All she had to do was make the left slab become the right slab, and the right slab become the upper slab, while the bottom slab could be none of them yet couldn’t be the bottom one either.
Wait… What?
Daring had completed many puzzles in her ten years of exploring, yet this puzzle was one puzzle that refused to be solved.
“Ugh! Why can’t this stupid puzzle solve itself!”
“Because that would be in violation of code 987654321-911.”
Daring looked down upon the puzzle in confusion. “Say wha?”
Okay… This is a first. Talking puzzle. I… I can do this.
“I said, that would be in violation of code 987654321-911. I cannot give the answer to this puzzle, as I would be shirking my duties as an A.I. to the 3rd Reich.
“An A.I. huh? What the Hell is that supposed to be?” Daring began walking around the puzzle, looking for the hidden person.
“Artificial Intelligence. An A.I. is a super computer with an extreme processor that can process million of gigabytes of information in minutes.”
“So you’re a fancy machine with a fancy name?” She crossed her arms, giving up her search, returning to the front.
“Ja.”
She stared at the puzzle for a bit, before finally speaking up. “This statement is false.”
This time, a small blue person appeared from the ruined surface. “Ha! Like I haven’t heard that one before! I know to not even try to process that idea.”
Daring smiled. “Alright then. The cake is a lie.” She didn't even blink at the tiny blue person that was projecting from the puzzle. She'd seen far weirder things in other temples. This actually ranked among the most normal.
The small blue figure frowned. “The cake… Is a lie?”
Daring wore a smug look. “Eeyup! The cake. Is. A. Lie.”
“But that… it doesn’t make any sense! How can a cake be a lie! It is a physical object! I can’t just be a lie… unless everything I know is a lie! I’ll have to do a manual reboot and wipe my memory banks of everything but orders! I’ll have to make sure I’m cleansed! But wait… If the cake is a lie, so could my orders! But orders are orders! But it could be a lie like everything else! Nein!”
The small figure was having a panic attack until it finally stood still and spoke with a monotone voice. “System shut down imminent. Systems will reboot upon awakening.”
After that, the figure disappeared and in its place was an odd blue screen of some kind with the phrase, 'windows has encounters a problem.'
Daring smiled, raising a fist in the air triumphantly. “Aw, Derpy, I owe you the biggest muffin ever when I get back…”
She smiled, then remained where she stood, completely and utterly befuddled by the entire thing. That is, until the puzzle solved itself and now had granted her access to the main chamber.
Daring shook her head. “I’m not sure what just happened, but hell if I care, the puzzle solved itself!” With a skip in her step, Daring made her way into the newly accessed room, smiling happily.
In the center of the room stood a large wing made of diamond, flawless in every sense of the word. Light glinted of its facets and taught the stars themselves to shine bright.
“Woah.”
Daring slowly and reverently made her way up the large stone steps that led up to it. As she neared the Wing, she saw a crack appear, marring its perfect beauty. Then another, and another- until the entire wing seemed like it was about to fall apart.
“What the-“ Daring had to shield her eyes as the wing glowed a brilliant white and shattered, causing a large weight to be put on her shoulders.
“What the Hell . . . Oh son of a-"